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Getting Past Perfect: How to Find Joy and Grace in the Messiness of Motherhood
With honesty, humor, and practical wisdom, Getting Past Perfect helps moms overcome Pinterest-inspired perfectionism by replacing your deepest fears and anxieties with a steady trust in God and the freedom to love authentically.
If you have ever felt that you were not enough as a wife or mom, or if you're someone who struggles to do it all, Getting Past Perfect offers a realistic and reassuring portrait of Catholic womanhood, placing motherhood in the context of every woman's primary role as a child of God.
Kate Wicker journalist, popular speaker, and author of the highly-acclaimed Weightless shares how she shook off doubt and negative self-perception, finding self-acceptance as a mom and the desire to stop controlling everyone around her. Getting Past Perfect invites you to make this same journey as you learn to embrace the primacy of your role as a daughter of God, even amidst the daily chaos of raising children. Each chapter is designed to debunk the lies and expectations that moms often face, replacing negative self-perceptions with the truths of a woman's true calling.
Wicker, a recovering perfectionist, helps you realize:
It is perfectly normal to feel like you're in over your head sometimes.
You can stop obsessing about what other people think and start focusing on loving yourself and your kids just as you are.
Your primary jobs are to let God love you and to love him back. Nurture your prayer life and make time to remember that you are first a daughter of God.
It s important to practice self-care no matter your stage in life.
Wicker openly shares how she unwittingly transferred her preoccupation with having the perfect body to being the perfect parent. By honestly sharing her mistakes and triumphs in the trenches of motherhood, Wicker reveals several common falsehoods mothers tell themselves in different seasons of their lives and how speaking the truth can liberate women to become better parents and the truest versions of themselves. Whether you're dealing with endless "why?" questions, unexpected potty emergencies, or even the unanticipated change of a new pregnancy, Getting Past Perfect will help you learn how to lean into God's abiding grace. By closing each chapter with a simple reflection question and prayer, this book provides the tools you need to embrace the messy realities of family life and to emerge from feeling overwhelmed to knowing that you are first and foremost a daughter of God."
If you have ever felt that you were not enough as a wife or mom, or if you're someone who struggles to do it all, Getting Past Perfect offers a realistic and reassuring portrait of Catholic womanhood, placing motherhood in the context of every woman's primary role as a child of God.
Kate Wicker journalist, popular speaker, and author of the highly-acclaimed Weightless shares how she shook off doubt and negative self-perception, finding self-acceptance as a mom and the desire to stop controlling everyone around her. Getting Past Perfect invites you to make this same journey as you learn to embrace the primacy of your role as a daughter of God, even amidst the daily chaos of raising children. Each chapter is designed to debunk the lies and expectations that moms often face, replacing negative self-perceptions with the truths of a woman's true calling.
Wicker, a recovering perfectionist, helps you realize:
It is perfectly normal to feel like you're in over your head sometimes.
You can stop obsessing about what other people think and start focusing on loving yourself and your kids just as you are.
Your primary jobs are to let God love you and to love him back. Nurture your prayer life and make time to remember that you are first a daughter of God.
It s important to practice self-care no matter your stage in life.
Wicker openly shares how she unwittingly transferred her preoccupation with having the perfect body to being the perfect parent. By honestly sharing her mistakes and triumphs in the trenches of motherhood, Wicker reveals several common falsehoods mothers tell themselves in different seasons of their lives and how speaking the truth can liberate women to become better parents and the truest versions of themselves. Whether you're dealing with endless "why?" questions, unexpected potty emergencies, or even the unanticipated change of a new pregnancy, Getting Past Perfect will help you learn how to lean into God's abiding grace. By closing each chapter with a simple reflection question and prayer, this book provides the tools you need to embrace the messy realities of family life and to emerge from feeling overwhelmed to knowing that you are first and foremost a daughter of God."
160 pages, Paperback
Published March 3, 2017
28 people are currently reading
229 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
January 9, 2019
My primary problem with this book is that it doesn't live up to its title. Rather than pointing out the joys of motherhood, the author seemed to focus on negative aspects. There's a chapter that asks which stage of motherhood is the most difficult. The answer? Whichever one you're in now. They're all the hardest. Another chapter discusses clinical depression. There are only eight chapters so that's a quarter of the book dragging me down instead of instilling joy or grace. Several sections were rambling or repetitive. I read this with a study group and our discussions seemed a little flat. I kind of oscillated between giving the book two or three stars. But the author did sprinkle some good points here and there and I enjoyed the chapter on Mom the Martyr.
September 9, 2020
This book spoke directly to my soul ❤️ Just what I needed in this season of motherhood I’m in- loved this book and know it’ll be something I want to reread and refer back to for years to come.
April 5, 2017
Getting Past Perfect should be tucked into the packet of information new moms are handed at the hospital right along with the chart to record the frequency of baby's bowel movements, how to properly bathe an infant, and tips on breastfeeding. That wouldn't cover all the adoptive moms and home births, but it would go a long way in flattening the bell curve of Motherhood 101 with all its pitfalls - ones that may take a mom alone decades to work through.
Kate Wicker's honesty and humor, replete with family mishaps to which every parent can relate, create a chink in your perfect mommy armor, allowing her to show you, through her own experiences, the ridiculous lengths we go to in order to be supermoms.
You'll finish the book with a fresh perspective on motherhood, affirmed that while being a mom may be the most important thing you do, it's not the only thing you'll do and that mom isn't the only important person in your child's life.
(I received a review copy. Opinions expressed are my own.)
Kate Wicker's honesty and humor, replete with family mishaps to which every parent can relate, create a chink in your perfect mommy armor, allowing her to show you, through her own experiences, the ridiculous lengths we go to in order to be supermoms.
You'll finish the book with a fresh perspective on motherhood, affirmed that while being a mom may be the most important thing you do, it's not the only thing you'll do and that mom isn't the only important person in your child's life.
(I received a review copy. Opinions expressed are my own.)
March 24, 2017
Whether you’re a brand-new mom or, like me, over 25 years into your mothering journey, Getting Past Perfect has truths you need to hear. Each chapter begins by contrasting an "evil earworm" with an "unvarnished truth." We need to hear that kind of truth! We need to acknowledge that there’s a difference between perfectionism and striving for excellence. My copy has stars and arrows and comments; I’ve circled and underlined and even written down some of the most important points. When you read it, keep your pen handy and open up your heart to realizing that you really are enough.
Read my full review.
Read my full review.
April 23, 2017
This is SUCH a good book. I have read a bunch of spiritual books for moms, and this is by far one of the best. I love how realistic Kate Wicker is, and how honest. Reading it feels like talking with a really good girlfriend over wine and getting totally real about the less-than-perfect side of parenthood. But the book is also affirming and uplifting, and really helps you see that you owe it to yourself to exit the comparison trap and pursue your own sense of what brings you joy ... and what brings you joy ends up being good for your kids, too. Terrific book. Thank you, Kate!
February 22, 2018
I didn't love it. I'm not a big fan of self-help, pump-mommies-up books. I think it's more that I'm apathetic towards what other people think rather than I don't need it. I think if someone is stuck in the trenches this would be a fantastic book for them!
November 16, 2019
So beautiful it made me want to have another baby.
June 12, 2017
Read for Lauren's Mom's Summer Book Club :-)
This book falls in the same genre of MOPS books - support and encouragement for Christian moms. Except that this is SO much better than MOPS books - it doesn't make you cringe to read. Written by a lawyer-in-training who actually knows how to write and think critically. Plus it is written by a Catholic author, so you don't always have to be on guard for bad theology.
A good mix of reaffirming the importance and dignity of motherhood, but also acknowledging challenges and attempting to minimize stress and guilt that might go along with it. It is the perfect Catholic book that seeks Truth and sometimes walks a delicate balance between ideologies. The truth in some parenting wisdom is acknowledged, but limits are placed to taking certain parenting ideologies too far. Many could benefit from reading this book, but none as much as the faithful Catholic mother. This book was really tailored to her. There are no apologies or explanations for people outside the faith, who might not get it. It assumes a faithful, catholic mindset.
I'm really looking forward to discussing this book (& life!) at Lauren's Mom's Summer Book Club. Yay! Play dates for the kids and adult time for mommy!!! It is so great of her to organize and open her home. :-) This book didn't contain anything earth shattering, but it seems like it will be a good platform for a book club discussion. There are even questions in the back that prompt deeper sharing about yourself. The questions didn't seem geared toward certain assumptions or directed at drawing the reader to specific "insights", which I find offensive in other books.
Rated 4 stars instead 5. This is the best book I've read in the chicken-soup-for-mommies genre, but the genre itself is a bit "soft" for me. A few chapters really spoke to me and hit home. Others felt more fluffy. In short sections, the author presents herself a person who "needs people" and has friends/family she must call EVERY day. Oversharing, vulnerable, needy... ugh. Not independent & thoughtfully reserved like people I respect and hope to emulate. But the sections were brief and easy to overlook. I will say that this book might be best paired with some quiet reflection, which I didn't always have.
Oh, and Mrs. Adamkiewicz (Lauren's mom) wrote a book?! (referenced in the last chapter of this book) Adding that to my to-read list...
This book falls in the same genre of MOPS books - support and encouragement for Christian moms. Except that this is SO much better than MOPS books - it doesn't make you cringe to read. Written by a lawyer-in-training who actually knows how to write and think critically. Plus it is written by a Catholic author, so you don't always have to be on guard for bad theology.
A good mix of reaffirming the importance and dignity of motherhood, but also acknowledging challenges and attempting to minimize stress and guilt that might go along with it. It is the perfect Catholic book that seeks Truth and sometimes walks a delicate balance between ideologies. The truth in some parenting wisdom is acknowledged, but limits are placed to taking certain parenting ideologies too far. Many could benefit from reading this book, but none as much as the faithful Catholic mother. This book was really tailored to her. There are no apologies or explanations for people outside the faith, who might not get it. It assumes a faithful, catholic mindset.
I'm really looking forward to discussing this book (& life!) at Lauren's Mom's Summer Book Club. Yay! Play dates for the kids and adult time for mommy!!! It is so great of her to organize and open her home. :-) This book didn't contain anything earth shattering, but it seems like it will be a good platform for a book club discussion. There are even questions in the back that prompt deeper sharing about yourself. The questions didn't seem geared toward certain assumptions or directed at drawing the reader to specific "insights", which I find offensive in other books.
Rated 4 stars instead 5. This is the best book I've read in the chicken-soup-for-mommies genre, but the genre itself is a bit "soft" for me. A few chapters really spoke to me and hit home. Others felt more fluffy. In short sections, the author presents herself a person who "needs people" and has friends/family she must call EVERY day. Oversharing, vulnerable, needy... ugh. Not independent & thoughtfully reserved like people I respect and hope to emulate. But the sections were brief and easy to overlook. I will say that this book might be best paired with some quiet reflection, which I didn't always have.
Oh, and Mrs. Adamkiewicz (Lauren's mom) wrote a book?! (referenced in the last chapter of this book) Adding that to my to-read list...
October 24, 2017
The cover of this book totally made me want to review this book. I think Kate did a fabulous job describing how we as moms get caught in trying to be the perfect mother and wife and so often God has greater plans for us. We need to take our eyes off of social medial and society and focus on being the Daughter of the King and what He has in store for us. This book is filled with encouragement and inspiration and just made me laugh as I read this book. Being the perfect mother is impossible and as soon as we realize that being the mom that God created us to be we are able to get past perfect and enjoy what we have been given. There are a lot of Catholic references but anyone can read this book and have totally understanding and enjoyment. I received this book to review and totally enjoyed reviewing it.
September 17, 2017
This book is amazing! I recommend it to all moms! Moms to be/ first time moms/ and Veteran moms. This book is so real and honest. One thing I hated about reading parenting books was how much they sugarcoated parenthood. Kate is honest and sincere and I appreciate that so much. The truth hurts sometimes but it's important to be as prepared as you can be to hear it. I am going to pass this book along to every mom I know and continue to re-read it. Thank you Kate for your courage to share your journey of Motherhood with us!
April 26, 2018
In a world of Pinterest and Instagram, constant comparing, criticism from within & without, this book was a much-needed breath of air & reminder of our purpose as mothers. While, if pressed, the things Wicker says are things I already "knew," I think a lot of moms (me included) need regular reminders. I'll ever be thankful to this book for introducing me to the Litany of Humility. Each chapter felt like hanging out with other moms over coffee (or wine?) and commiserating while bolstering us for our calling.
November 23, 2020
4.5 ⭐️
One quote that gave me pause was about having sex with your husband even when tired and “not in the mood.” Other than that hiccup in the beginning of the book, the rest of the book was a joy to read. This book will be good to keep coming back to in every stage of my motherhood. Redemption quote and now my daily reminder: “you also have to except that as a mother, you always have a great purpose. Feeling purposeless, is a barrier to joy.”
One quote that gave me pause was about having sex with your husband even when tired and “not in the mood.” Other than that hiccup in the beginning of the book, the rest of the book was a joy to read. This book will be good to keep coming back to in every stage of my motherhood. Redemption quote and now my daily reminder: “you also have to except that as a mother, you always have a great purpose. Feeling purposeless, is a barrier to joy.”
February 9, 2018
I was given the book by a dear friend. In a world of social media comparisons and work-life (im)balance, it was certainly a refreshing perspective on what we are and are not responsible for as mothers (parents). A practical guide to at least starting to let go of some of the expectations we place on ourselves without minimizing the spiritual difficulties of parenting.
January 7, 2018
In some ways, there was nothing too revolutionary about what was said in this book but it is something I will refer to again and again. It had so many life giving thoughts and affirmations for us tired moms. Wonderful, brilliant, I will pass on to others!
February 22, 2021
Great book!
Highly recommend this book to any mom. Full of insightful tidbits- both motivational and practical. The author is raw and vulnerable, turning the book into an open conversation with a friend. Must read got any Catholic mother!
Highly recommend this book to any mom. Full of insightful tidbits- both motivational and practical. The author is raw and vulnerable, turning the book into an open conversation with a friend. Must read got any Catholic mother!
February 23, 2021
I loved this book, I needed to read this book and I know there are other mothers out there who need to read this book. I highly recommend to all mother’s whether of young children or adult children!
November 20, 2021
While this book is geared more toward moms with children still at home, it does have some tidbits for "empty nesters". This book helped me to realize that it's okay that I wasn't a perfect mom with my now grown children.
January 21, 2018
Easy read filled with beauty and grace. A wonderful book to read in a new year and as I am expecting another baby
July 18, 2018
LOVED THIS! Much needed.
October 21, 2018
We read this in my Catholic mom's group over many months, and it spawned many fruitful conversations about giving ourselves a break as moms. I really enjoyed it!
May 29, 2021
Extremely relatable and helpful! Would highly recommend this book!
Loved this book! The author is very practical and down to earth! She offers advice and also doesn’t sugar coat things.
Loved this book! The author is very practical and down to earth! She offers advice and also doesn’t sugar coat things.
April 20, 2022
Easy read filled with reassuring tidbits and practical advice for overcoming the paralyzing drive for perfection in motherhood.
March 14, 2017
In nine years, I’ve never gone into my Catholic Mom’s Bible Study / Book Club and said, “We need to read this book today,” but I did that with the latest book by Kate Wicker.
If you are always perfectly fulfilled in your role as a mother and you have a group of well-behaved children who never try your patience, feel free to stop reading this review right now. If, on the other hand, you struggle with your God-given vocation of motherhood and sometimes feel like a total failure, then you will want to put “Getting Past Perfect: How to Find Joy and Grace in the Messiness of Motherhood” at the top of your reading list.
In the Foreword, Rachel Swenson Balducci tells us that “Motherhood is not for wimps. . . .Being a mom is the hardest thing you will ever do and one of the most important. And that’s why, if we start thinking about things too much, we can get a little carried away.” We all want to be the best moms we can be, but at the end of the day, we need to accept that we are not perfect. Only God can make that claim. We need to find our center in “the loving arms of Jesus.”
Wicker describes motherhood as “the ultimate extreme sport.” It is, after all, a race with no finish line. Even when our children have crossed the threshold into adulthood, we are still their mothers. With the stakes so high, it’s easy to wrap our identity up in being a mom. Wicker wants to remind us that “motherhood is actually not [our] highest calling. Being a daughter of God is. . . The highest calling placed upon our lives is to know and love God with all that we have and all that we are.”
Each chapter begins with two contrasting quotes. One is an “Evil Earworm” that the world (or the voice inside our head) tells us. The second is an “Unvarnished Truth” giving us a much-needed dose of reality rooted in God.
Wicker, a mom of five, offers refreshingly honest anecdotes from her own life to illustrate her points. She freely shares where she has gone wrong and how she could do better. She doesn’t have all the answers and describes herself as a “perfectionist in recovery.” She is in the trenches with the rest of us. Reading “Getting Past Perfect” is like sitting down with one of you best faith-filled girlfriends to have an honest heart-to-heart about life and motherhood. A Reading Guide is also included for use by individuals or groups.
If you are always perfectly fulfilled in your role as a mother and you have a group of well-behaved children who never try your patience, feel free to stop reading this review right now. If, on the other hand, you struggle with your God-given vocation of motherhood and sometimes feel like a total failure, then you will want to put “Getting Past Perfect: How to Find Joy and Grace in the Messiness of Motherhood” at the top of your reading list.
In the Foreword, Rachel Swenson Balducci tells us that “Motherhood is not for wimps. . . .Being a mom is the hardest thing you will ever do and one of the most important. And that’s why, if we start thinking about things too much, we can get a little carried away.” We all want to be the best moms we can be, but at the end of the day, we need to accept that we are not perfect. Only God can make that claim. We need to find our center in “the loving arms of Jesus.”
Wicker describes motherhood as “the ultimate extreme sport.” It is, after all, a race with no finish line. Even when our children have crossed the threshold into adulthood, we are still their mothers. With the stakes so high, it’s easy to wrap our identity up in being a mom. Wicker wants to remind us that “motherhood is actually not [our] highest calling. Being a daughter of God is. . . The highest calling placed upon our lives is to know and love God with all that we have and all that we are.”
Each chapter begins with two contrasting quotes. One is an “Evil Earworm” that the world (or the voice inside our head) tells us. The second is an “Unvarnished Truth” giving us a much-needed dose of reality rooted in God.
Wicker, a mom of five, offers refreshingly honest anecdotes from her own life to illustrate her points. She freely shares where she has gone wrong and how she could do better. She doesn’t have all the answers and describes herself as a “perfectionist in recovery.” She is in the trenches with the rest of us. Reading “Getting Past Perfect” is like sitting down with one of you best faith-filled girlfriends to have an honest heart-to-heart about life and motherhood. A Reading Guide is also included for use by individuals or groups.
July 20, 2018
Love it. The book spoke to me in many areas and I like how sincere and heartfelt the author shared her reflections and experiences.
Quotable Quote that speaks to me the most:
"Our highest calling in this life is not mother but child of God. No matter how delightful our children are, they were not given to us to fulfill us in a way that only God can. And no matter how our children might disappoint us, we need not be shaken or question ourselves. Our value is attached to our identities as cherished daughters of God. We can all breathe a sigh of relief, accepting that our role as mother is limited but God's love for our children as well as for us is not. This knowledge can free us to love our children as God loves them - not because he craves their attention, not because he needs them to need him, not for what they will offer him or to do for him, but simply because they belong to him and he was the one who loved them first. We put too much pressure on our children and ourselves if being their mother is what fills us up."
Quotable Quote that speaks to me the most:
"Our highest calling in this life is not mother but child of God. No matter how delightful our children are, they were not given to us to fulfill us in a way that only God can. And no matter how our children might disappoint us, we need not be shaken or question ourselves. Our value is attached to our identities as cherished daughters of God. We can all breathe a sigh of relief, accepting that our role as mother is limited but God's love for our children as well as for us is not. This knowledge can free us to love our children as God loves them - not because he craves their attention, not because he needs them to need him, not for what they will offer him or to do for him, but simply because they belong to him and he was the one who loved them first. We put too much pressure on our children and ourselves if being their mother is what fills us up."
May 19, 2017
I didn't really need anything that would further lower my standards for my own mothering and housekeeping, BUT I love some of the reminders in this book, like, "...grace isn't something you only show to others."
Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews