Rants from the Hill: On Packrats, Bobcats, Wildfires, Curmudgeons, a Drunken Mary Kay Lady, and OtherEncounters with the Wild in the High Desert

by Michael P. Branch

Tales of life in the high desert from the author of Raising Wild. As a curmudgeonly, irreverent desert rat, Mike Branch shares his stubborn enthusiasm for the constant struggle to tough out living in an unforgiving landscape. In this collection of short, comic rants he explores various aspects of life in the remote, high-elevation, western Nevada Great Basin Desert. Ranging in topic from natural history (bees hiving in the walls of the house, flying ants filling the chimney, owls trying to eat the cat), parenting (raising two daughters in a wild, inaccessible place), eccentric neighbors (road captain, mail carrier, drunken Mary Kay Lady), and adventures in the surrounding canyons, playas, and mountains, Rants from the Hilloffers a humorous and fun glimpse into what domestic life looks like out in the wild."

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Nature, Essays, Biography, Memoir, Environment

209 pages, Paperback

First published June 6, 2017

Reviews

[Diane S ☔ · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am usually drawn to and reading about those who live in cold climates, but in an effort to expand my reading intereste I decided to read this, about a man and his family who decided to make their home in the desert. Plus, quite frankly, I loved the title. Branch himself is a self avowed, certified curmugeon, and in this book of essays we get a wide range glimpse of everything from his inhospitable mail woman, to his wife and two young children, the youngest whom he calls a feral child.

From his daily walks we travel along to see the contours of his space and the animals, including a bee infestation, to finding a stash of Playboy's in an abandoned campsite. A dissertation on Christmas trees, past and present and the origin and meaning of the song, Auld lang sine. All done with a very personal voice, light touch and plenty of humor, yet his love for this barren place he calls home shines through. Loved his amusing essay on bumper stickers, of which I wholly agree. Plenty of good stuff is presented here, in this place where I can't even imagine ever wanting to live.

ARC from Netgalley.

[Montzalee Wittmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rants from the Hill: On Packrats, Bobcats, Wildfires, Curmudgeons, a Drunken Mary Kay Lady, and Other Encounters with the Wild in the High Desert by Michael P. Branch is so rich in humor I had laughed all the way through the book! If you've read Patrick F. McManus' funny books on hunting and fishing well these books are similar only on the desert and all it has hidden. Just as crazy and funny! I love the way Branch describes his crazy neighbors, his kids, the animals, the desert itself. His encounters with wildlife had me in stitches. At the same time you can see he has such a love for his dry piece of the earth, the animals, and the crazies around him. I can't wait to read more of his books! He is so witty and clever! I loved this book so much! Rant on! Thanks NetGalley for allowing me to read this awesome book!

[Jessaka · Rating 4 out of 5]

Michael Branch has a good sense of humor, and I found myself laughing through sections of his book, but then when he wasn’t writing about nature and animals, the book would get really boring. Who cares about the cell towers that are made to look like trees from outer space? But his stories are from magazine articles, and after awhile, when living in the desert, you run out of nature stories due to the limit of life out there.

His desert, like all in the U.S. is filled with scorpions and rattlesnakes. I don’t suppose the government could put a bounty on them and people would head out to the deserts in droves and kill them all? If not, then as to rattlers, the government could always release king stakes to get rid of them. I wouldn’t live in the desert for these reasons, plus the dust and heat. I had my fill of rattlesnakes and scorpions when I lived in California where it was kind of nice and green.

I have no idea what he thinks he doing out there taking unsafe walks with his dog. After all there are also cougars out there. Hopefully, he keeps his dog by hs side. I also think a different breed of dog may be better than what he has. A pit bull would work if the pit bull didn’t eat him, his wife or his children.

I liked the story of his hearing howls at night and running out of the house in his skivvies just to yell at them to leave, but then finding his flashlight meeting up with two eyes in the bushes. A big cat. He backed up into the house, and then found that it was a bobcat. Bobcats are okay. They never bother people. But I don’t know. I just don’t know about him.

In one chapter he talks about planting a lawn and adding plants, and how much the desert animals loved his place, all but the rattlers. What? What? Hasn’t he ever heard of a “snake in the grass.” Coolness draws snakes. I had a lawn in Creston, CA which is a semi desert. I had rattlers. I had cats that killed rodents and once one killed a baby rattler, as I saw that she had tried to bring it in the house. I knew to keep the cats and my dog in at night due to the coyotes.

The yipping that the author hears from the coyotes is not their howling; it is only the beginning of it. To me it sounds like the bark before the howl, and sometimes the yip. If they are only yipping and yapping, it is them chasing an animal, and if you listen you can hear their kill crying out. I hated that sound. At least they could be quiet about it. Howling is good; yipping and yapping, bad. Cougars are scary; bobcats are not.

To me Michael, his family, his dogs, and his cats are just sitting ducks out there. This reminds me, one day when I was walking my friend’s child to the bus stop in Valley Center, CA. We heard some noise going on with the ducks. A bobcat ran through the flock, and when he came out the other side, he had a dead duck in his mouth.

Next, MIchael had a chapter on hating cows. How can anyone hate cows? He claims that they are “unattractive, smelly, ill-mannered, and can’t be trusted.” What? I have lived with cows, and they are none of that outside of being smelly, but the smell goes away after a while. And he hates cow pies? No. As a kid we used to love to throw them at each other, and as a science project, my own, I tested them out after learning that the pioneers used to burn them for heat. How do they burn you may ask? Fast and hot. So unless you have a very large herd of cattle don’t count on them to provide you with heat all winter. But cow pies also make the grass grow better, because everywhere they poop, it what grows is greener and taller. And cows have a sweet face. I will always remember when I first rented the farm house in Creston, CA. One day I was painting the kitchen with the door open, and I looked over at it, and a cow had her head in the doorway just watching me. I asked for a fence after that but told the owner of the cows to not fence in the trees so the cows could have shade. But this shows how curious cows are. After all what else is there to do in the fields? They loved watching me do things, and would surround me, but if I wanted out from their circle I just started moving and they would back away because they can be trusted. But I think he may be referring to all cattle as cows. Cows are female; bulls are male, and it is the bulls that you cannot trust. They have to be penned up.

Now, I understand that cattle are destroying the environment, causing green house gases, and I am proud of him for not eating beef anymore. As far as I am concerned we can stop raising them and sheep for food, just let them be, and then maybe the wolves will be allowed to live because the ranchers would become farmers. And the wolves can keep down the cattle and sheep population. Who eats lamb anyway? Still, Rick Lamplugh, who studies wolves has his own solution to the wolf issue. That was just mine.

So Michael can keep his desert home, and I will keep my Oklahoma home. Sure, we have copperheads and cougars but not on our land. We have coyotes coming through at night, but they are quiet so no one will hear them. No one talks about losing an animal. We have foxes on our land, but they haven’t eaten the cats. Hmm. Maybe that is why we have less groundhogs. And we have ticks and mosquitoes and chiggers which is something that he brags about not having. I will give him that. We had a bear come into town. Wish I had seen that since it was only a baby. I would rather have dry heat than this humidity too. But I like our lush rolling hills in east Oklahoma. I like our tall 80 foot trees and I like how everything grows so fast, but I have never weeded so much in my life. So, this is where I part by saying, To each his own.

[Cindy Burnett (Thoughts from a Page) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rants from the Hill is a compilation of essays Mike Branch wrote for “High Country News” and other publications. Overall, the collection is hilarious, thought-provoking, entertaining, and full of incredible details about the high desert in which he and his family live. The subject matter varies greatly from a visit from a Mary Kay representative (one of the funniest stories) to a postwoman who refuses to deliver The New Yorker magazine to Branch (also very funny) to environmental affairs such as the lingering effects from bomb testing (not remotely funny and something I knew absolutely nothing about). While I would never want to live where Branch does, I very much enjoyed his stories. His writing is so descriptive and witty; at times, I felt that I was there in the desert wilderness with him. Thanks to Roost Books and NetGalley for the chance to read this advance review copy. The opinions are all my own.

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, he's not Michael Perry, but his anecdotes are interesting, his voice graceful, and his philosophy worth considering. Too bad that almost every piece is Intro-> funny-ish story->thudding meaningful ending.

"Each evening when the blast of the [ironically named] Washoe Zephyr subsides, it is as if the world has suddenly stopped clenching its muscles and squinting its eyes. Calm comes over the land in a form that can never be produced by the absence of wind, but only by a cessation of it."

The best 'story' imo is "Rantosaurus Silverhillsii," in which Branch's two wonderful young daughters start to build an Ichthyosaurus and wind up with their own unique & beloved creation.

I also very much liked "Bucket List" in which the girls make much better lists than dad does.
For those two essays, I'm rounding up my 3.5 star rating.

Oh, and the 'rants' aren't curmudgeonly ravings so much as "extravagant, hyperbolic... romp... a good thing."

[Lea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book of essays about the Western Great Basin. “Naturalist humor” about a place I know and love can’t be beat. It’s very entertaining. Highly recommend.

[Maggie Carr · Rating 4 out of 5]

Michael read the Drunken Mary Kay Lady story out loud to a room of (mostly) female librarians a few years back and it was my first exposure to his humor and sarcasm. I'm now three books in and keep recounting his stories to anyone who will listen to be- though I don't nearly do them justice. Can we have a do-over meeting, Michael? Share a shot and work on our bucket-list making together?

[Jane · Rating 2 out of 5]

Trigger warning: written by a guy who really hates cats and jokes about violently doing away with his child’s pet.

I really had to work hard to forgive this guy enough for “Lucy the Desert Cat” to keep going. There is nothing funny or clever about hating cats and commenting about ways to kill one. “No reasonable person can deny that cats are sneaky and untrustworthy” – many many reasonable people deny this. “This cat’s terrible habit and magical ability to elude predators have prompted me to think more about the kinds of accidents that might befall her on Ranting Hill.” He could “accidentally” kill her with a backhoe, kill her with a chainsaw, swing the weed whacker “suddenly catward at full throttle.” He could “fire up the Stihl and buck her into furry little rounds.”

Not funny. Not clever. I absolutely believe this guy would speed up to hit a cat crossing the road if it didn’t belong to his darling adorable perfect spoiled little daughters.

Which brings me to the daughters. Clearly the most perfect darling adorable daughters ever born, so of course they must get whatever they want. (Which includes the cat, otherwise she would be dead.) In “Balloons on the Moon,” he chastises others for littering the landscape by releasing balloons. “The moment a balloon is released it becomes trash, and this trash can cover serious ground.” “Fun trash. Colorful trash. But trash just the same.” But then darling little Caroline insisted they release balloons for darling Hannah’s birthday, so they did. Of course. He had no choice. Hypocrisy much?

He's also jealous of David Sedaris, who is 100 times the essayist Branch is.

Oh, and in “Desert Insomnia” we have to return to his hatred of the cat. When he spots a bobcat outside, he makes several resolutions, including “I would let Lucy the desert cat go outside immediately.”

Not funny. Not clever. How this guy had a contract to write these essays is beyond me.

I did finish the book, mainly so I could rant about it. I’m glad I didn’t buy the book (I borrowed it from the library), and I didn’t choose it for my library book club (which is why I picked it up in the first place). Won’t be reading anything else by the author.

[Jenn "JR" · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is another that I won from Goodreads Giveaways - an the second collection of essays I have read this year. This is a very enjoyable book - personal with plenty of local history and nature woven in. He's a "nature writer" in a the sense that the works discussions of one thing into a discussion of nature, or vice versa, many with a flair of a "tall tale."

For example, the author starts talking about the particular characteristics of winter mud and how it is so strongly viscous and then describes a Mary Kay rep's foolhardy attempt up his driveway in her big pink car during mud season - and he goes out to keep her company while she waits for a rescue. He'll start talking about clouds and end up talking about word clouds generated by his "Rants" columns (his daughter noticed the word "daughters" was smaller than "scat.")

A muse about "Auld Lang Syne" is woven with a hike up a mountain once bearing that name, and a litany of complaints of all the things that make little noises to wake him at night results in him going outside to yell at everything to be quiet and spotting a lynx (at first thinking it was a mountain lion) and enjoying the encounter from the inside of the house.

I especially enjoyed the rant about the ugly antenna "camouflage" - because it never looks realistic and was shocked to learn of the expense. He dives into details about the history of antenna camouflage and suggests some hilarious proposals for signage, though I agree with his underlying recommendation - spare the camouflage and spend that money planting actual trees. My least favorite rant was about his interior window bumper sticker carousel - some of the bits were funny but it just went on a bit long.

Mostly, this is a thinly disguised love story to the desert and his daughters -- both very enjoyable subjects throughout the book. The "feral child" rant is beautiful - and the "bucket list" rant made me smile.

[Glen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won this book in a goodreads drawing.

A fun collection of columns written by a guy who lives in the high desert of Northwestern Nevada. One of the most inhospitable places in this country is what called to this guy, so he could get away from it all. Even in this day and age, it's a struggle to survive.

Fun to read, but I'm not going to visit this guy.

[Kristopher Larsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another in a long line of books that makes me want to uproot and go build a house somewhere unusual and rough, just to collect my own stories.

[Moriah · Rating 3 out of 5]

this was an entertaining read to break up my love story books

[SundayAtDusk · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having an innate fear of drought, the idea of living in the desert has never, ever appealed to me. Yet there is something so appealing about this book, so appealing about living a life so affected by the elements and the wild creatures. It doesn’t hurt, too, that author Michael Branch is highly intelligent and funny much of the time. He’s also highly family sensitive and is an environmentalist of sorts. Although he talks about animals a lot, I would not call him a die-hard animal lover, though; he picks and chooses what to love and what not to love. The biggest drawback to his story collection, however, is all the talk about booze. I don’t know if Mr. Branch is trying to be funny or he has a drinking problem. Seriously, the only people I have ever known who talked about alcohol so much were alcoholics. Hopefully, that is not the case with this author, and he’ll be around a long time telling his stories about life in the desert.

(Note: I received a free ARC of this book from Amazon Vine.)

[☼Bookish in Virginia☼ · Rating 3 out of 5]

~ review copy

RANTS FROM HILL is a compilation of stories that appeared in 'High Country News' and other magazines. As such I should have taken the hint and not read it all in one week. Reading the stories, without the break you would get from waiting for the next month's magazine, I think would have made it more of a pleasure. As it was I'm not sure I came away with the impression that the author intended.

There were all the types of stories that the title promises --the strange and drunk Mary Kay Lady, and Packrats and wildfires -- but taken in quick succession I came away with the sense that beer and whiskey were the vital necessities needed to cope with the fact that a good portion of one's time could be spent in drowning rodents.

Now I know perfectly well that the alcohol was probably a 'literary device' that played well in each tale, making it feel regional and chatty; but I hope you can see how having the same 'literary device' in most of the chapters might lead some simple-minded readers, like myself, to pause and wonder if people went to the high desert for the good life, or to be left alone so they could drink in peace.

~
RANTS is an interesting book but it didn't fill me with wonder or make me want to ditch my current life. I enjoyed reading about the shoe-tree and traipsing through the canyons but the stories were written for people who know the region-- and so detail and descriptors are hit and miss. The story about the wildfire was an exception. I truly 'got' the danger and the drama. But I got more of the sense of desert from Craig Childs' THE SECRET KNOWLEDGE OF WATER.

And in my opinion, if you want the maximum joy from reading this book, don't do what I did. Don't read it over a few day's time. Instead, stretch out the experience. I really feel that if I had read the chapters with more breathing space between them that I would be adding a star to the current rating.

[Rose · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rants from the Hill ... A good read if you want some quick recountings of interesting tales of woe. I did not feel it fit my normal type of reading material. I received the book for free through the Goodreads Giveaway.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

***I received an ARC of this book, courtesy of the publisher. All ideas expressed are my own.***

Irreverent and funny! Branch takes the time to laugh at the wild situations he's experienced and people he's met, but he also talks about the values of desert land and not developing every space in the world or using every resource. He's a bit grumpy and avoids people he doesn't like. I generally like that in an author or character, so I enjoyed this one. I'd recommend this one for people who like books about the desert/natural living and stand-up comedy (without the risk of being called on to speak).

[Joe Vess · Rating 2 out of 5]

I especially wanted to like this book based on the author's introduction, he seemed to be covering so many issues I am interested in. And there were a handful of genuinely funny, laugh-out-loud moments and things I had to read out loud to others. So he gets two stars since there were enough of those to make me finish the book.
But there were also some really deep low points. REALLY deep. There were many columns that read as if they'd been dashed off in 15 minutes when the author suddenly remembered a deadline, like the one were he talks about how he'd like to declare his house independent. The tired, unoriginal cliches abounded in that and many others columns. And probably worst, his pointless attempted takedown of David Sedaris was strange, pathetic and frankly embarrassing. If I had written something like that I would burn it, not put it in a compilation. He was also bizarrely inconsistent. He attacks others for not appreciating the desert, then spends a whole column complaining about the noise from the many and varied wildlife.
I think the basic issue is that while Branch is a technically proficient writer, he's just not very creative or clever. He writes the same generic "humor" being churned out by aspiring comics in every crappy blog, but with his little Nevada twist. And that isn't enough to make it good or interesting.

[Lynne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anyone who aspires to living off the land in a remote area should read these delightful essays. The author is employed, so he mixes the life of a traditional worker with making do in an unforgiving landscape. His home is the high desert of northwestern Nevada, an unforgiving landscape with harsh winds, drought, heavy winter storms, and various wildlife encounters. He is inventive, as one must be when there are no hardware stores, close neighbors or anyone else to rely on. His daughters are a source of great pride to him, and he is devoted to them and to raising them to be self-reliant. They are creative and inventive just as he is. The touch of humor throughout these writings keeps the tone light, and the topics range widely. This is enjoyable writing and fun to read.

[Tatyana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I expected a book to be about the nature and logistics about the life in the high desert. Was pleasantly surprised to read such fun, full-of-humor story about the family itself. I liked all the stories about the girls, pets, hikes, celebrations, etc. I loved the way Mr. Branch described his daughters' personalities, it was a joy to observe their role in in his life.
Learned so much about so many tings: environment, history, geo-specifics like weather, seasons, fauna and flora, etc.
What made me rate it 4 stars is the overwhelming barrage of speech on climate change, and lack of any description of the wife/mom of the family. The queen of the house remained in background and wasn't made to seem like an important role in their story.
I LOVED the humor throughout the book.

[Rosie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Goodreads giveaway winner. Rants From The Hill is a collection of essays about the author's life with his wife and two daughters in Nevada's Great Basin Desert. He shares the beauty of nature and wildness in the high desert where he has made his home. Most people think of a rant as an angry tirade ,Branch's tone is never one of anger. He combines humor and a love of wilderness in this wonderful book. Michael Branch states regarding the ongoing environmental crisis that anyone not angry or sad about environmental current affairs are not paying attention. Deserts are beautiful places along with all the flora and fauna that have adapted to make this their home.

[Michael S · Rating 5 out of 5]

I met the author only a week ago at a conference for the Association for the Study of Literature and Environment. His presentation was so funny and engaging, I had to get at least one of his books. Now I plan on getting more. Rants from the Hill was a lot of fun to read. The book brings together the best nature writing, humor, science, reflection, and analysis from a friendly and easy-to-listen-to voice. The book would work well in a composition class, in a literature class, in a book club, on the beach, or on the road. I frequently read essays to my wife and to my kids and to my friends around the campfire.

[John Fredrickson · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are essays in this book that are a delight to read. Branch is generally insightful, obviously knowledgeable, and often quite funny.

Interspersed with these are essays that I wish he had not written, let alone included, including those in which he discusses his pets or the cell towers made to look like artificial trees. Late in the book Branch includes a snippet from Mark Twain in which Twain grouses that he has had to write something humorous during an extended time when he was tending to an ill (or injured) wife. Several of the essays in this book feel as though they may have also been generated by deadlines rather than inspiration.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book from a Goodreads giveaway.

This book was a lot like having a casual conversation with a friend. The "rants" weren't especially funny and I don't feel ever angry, but they were entertaining and informally educational. (I found the technique used to trap bees out of a house really interesting, along with the little snippets of desert animal behaviors, climate and the characters living there.) After reading this book I feel somewhat like I actually know the area and could fake belonging for a short time.

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Laughed out loud many times throughout this book! Michael Branch is a comedian but also a lover of Nature. He combines his observations about life in the High Desert with humor and his love for the beautiful setting where he makes a home for his family into short chapters comprising Rants from the Hill. I prefer forests with lots of color! However I know there is beauty in desert life thanks to him. I admire his family for caring for the land while helping others appreciate it too. Definitely an author to follow.

[Laura Poppenwimer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Received this book as a free Goodreads promotion. I laughed though out the whole book, the style of writing made the book easy to read I love the desert, but never could handle the remote life style, but appreciate his description of the beauty of the "empty" desert. His is able to paint a great visual picture with words and each snippet seems better than the one before. I was sad when I finished, wanted to read more of these little stories.

[Lara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Probably 3.5 stars. A collection of stories from the author's life in the Great Basin. Interesting to see this unique life. I think the pieces are fantastically well written, I just prefer more of a story than small vignettes, and I realize that is not what the author was doing in the collection. So if you are looking for a collection of small commentaries and experiences in a very interesting location, give this a try. Very interesting.

[Carl Nelson · Rating 4 out of 5]

An entertaining, educational collection of magazine columns about life in Nevada's Great Basin. The format of short, single-theme chapters make for high "pick up and put down" readability. Branch's tone of the amused grump keeps the prose light yet sly. I enjoyed his descriptions of desert life, its flora and fauna, and its unique features, but my favorites were the ones with his daughters, Lucy the Desert Cat, and Beauregard the English setter, where his professed dislike for these pets conceals a father's love for his daughters and these pets.

[Nancy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A collection of essays nature writer Mike Branch wrote for High Country News about his home in the harsh but beautiful high desert country of Nevada. Each essay is a short, witty, wry, and poignant ode to the land and family he treasures. My favorite is the story about the drunken Mary Kay lady - I found it both surreal and strangely touching. A quick and entertaining read.

[Nann · Rating 5 out of 5]

This collection of essays (originally published as a monthly magazine feature) combines environmentalism, irony, and humor. Branch and his family live in the high desert county outside Reno, Nevada, along with their pets and wild critters. Branch's observations are on-target and memorable. What a great book! [Now I'm imagining Michael Branch and Michael Perry getting together . . . ]

[Xanthi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to this on audiobook format.
It was interesting to read about life on a landscape very different to what I have seen or experienced. Desert flora and fauna is unique and the hazards of living in an arid region present their own kinds of challenges and hazards. The author address all of this and more. The humour is laced throughout the book and is often gently satirical in places.