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Spanking: Why, When, How
Are you struggling to get your children to obey you? Do you ask them to do things, only to be disregarded or refused? One mother, desperate about her disorderly children, wailed, "The only way I know to get children to obey is not to have children!" Fortunately, there is another way. And it includes spanking. Set in the context of a total child training program, spanking has a God-ordained place in the successful development of those little ones of yours. The author, sensitive to the growing problem of child abuse, makes a clear distinction between spanking and beating. This book is a thorough exploration of everything the Ultimate Parent, God, has to teach the necessity of spanking the proper time for spanking the right method of spanking Read it. Give yourself the chance to hear God's viewpoint about the matter. It could radically change your children for the better.
- GenresParenting
90 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 1979
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January 30, 2018
Pro-spanking theology fails in common sense, logic, science, and sound biblical interpretation. Roy Lessin, who is also the founder of the famous Christian greeting card company, Wellspring, encourages some of the following teachings which will without any doubt never make it onto the cover of any Wellspring greeting card or product:
1. “A stick is the most effective instrument to spank with because its flexibility brings the greatest amount of stinging pain.”
Roy’s belief that a rod should be used to strike children, because it will cause the most severe pain, Is ineffective, because it will not change a child’s heart, or teach them long term positive values. Intentionally causing a child the most severe possible pain is not going to develop the trust between parent and child that is necessary for such long term goals to be achieved. Roy Lessin makes another absurd claim that a rod should be used, because if a parent uses their hand the child will fear the parent, but if the parent uses the rod the child will fear the rod and not the parent. Clearly Roy Lessin believes that children are exceptionally stupid.
Regarding the defense of using a rod, because of some verses in Proverbs mention a rod, it should be noted that Proverbs is wisdom literature that is full of figurative language. A good example of this figurative style is Proverbs 23:2 which says, “and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony.” This is not a literal command for gluttons to slit their own throats, it is hyperbole, it is figurative. Despite Proverbs being filled with such figurative language, people insist that the rod mentioned in Proverbs is a literal rod for hitting children. Even if one indulges this literal rod argument, it is problematic, because the children mentioned in these verses are called na’ar in the original Hebrew. In ancient Hebrew culture a na’ar was between 12 and 19 years, yet most Christian pro-spanking apologists claim that adolescence is when hitting should end. If the Proverbs verses wanted parents to literally use rods to flog their children beneath the teenage years, then instead of using the word na’ar, the following Hebrew words should have been used: yeled = infant, yonek = 2 year old, olel = 3 year old, gamul = 3/4 year old, taph = 5/6 year old, elem = 5 to ten tears old. Furthermore, most of Proverbs is about the dangers of sexual immorality, indicating that it was definitely written for an audience of teenagers and young adults. The beating also would have taken place on the back, not the buttocks. So, even if one takes the Proverbs rod verses as being literal, it does not translate accurately to the guidelines that modern Christian pro-spankers lay claim to.
The more reasonable conclusion is that the rod being described in those few Proverbs is not meant to be interpreted as a literal rod to beat children. In fact, the Hebrew word that is translated as rod in these verses is shebet. The word shebet often refers to a shepherd’s staff, or a king’s scepter, and sometimes the word of God. In all these instances it symbolizes guidance and authority. A shepherd would use his staff to beat attacking wolves, and would use the hook at the top to rescue lost sheep. The shepherd did not beat the sheep with the staff, otherwise the frightened sheep would run away and would not follow the shepherd. A king’s scepter was a symbol of authority, and if it was extended to you you would be welcomed into his presence. If one follows this interpretation of the Hebrew text, then the Proverbs rod verses can be interpreted in the following ways:
Proverbs 13:24 (NIV): “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”
Replace “rod” with the word authority (which the rod shebet symbolizes) and you have a verse that is telling parents to use their authority to teach, guide, and correct their children. If the rod is a reference to the Word Of God, then the verse is telling parents to use the Word of God to teach, guide, and correct their children.
If sparing the rod is used in the context of the king’s scepter, then this verse could be interpreted as saying that just as a king extends the scepter to welcome people into his presence, a parent should not spare welcoming their children into their presence so that they can be taught, guided and corrected.
Proverbs 22:15 (NIV): “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.”
Again, if you substitute rod with authority, this verse becomes a warning for parents to use their authority to teach, guide, and correct their children. If the rod is the Word of God, then the verse is telling parents to use the Word Of God to teach their children wisdom and to correct them.
Proverbs 23:13 (KJV): “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Sheol).”
People often think this verse refers to a literal beating with a literal rod, but the word beat can also have different meanings. The sun can beat down on the earth, and in that context it means that the sun is a constant presence. Beat can mean a constant presence or something repetitive. Being beat with authority in this verse could possibly mean that the use of authority to teach your children should be a constant presence, and that you should be teaching them always, and repeating teachings if needed, and repeatedly correcting the child when mistakes are made. If this verse were to be taken as a literal command to beat a child with a shebet, then this verse would be a lie, because beating a child with a shepherd staff, or a king’s scepter could definitely kill them. I have a friend (Samuel Martin) who is a biblical scholar who lives in Israel, and he posted pictures of a shebet in one of his blogs, and it is not just a stick, it is a thick staff of wood. If this verse were literal, it would also be a lie, because it makes the argument that beating a child with a rod could save them from death and hell, but that is not true. If the rod is the Word Of God, then that could definitely save person from death, if the rod is a king’s scepter and the king is Jesus then the authority of Jesus could save someone’s soul. Literally beating people doesn’t result in salvation.
2. “God has given parents the perfect area on which to administer a spanking-the child’s bottom. It is a safe place, because it is well cushioned, yet it is a highly sensitive area. In order for a spanking to be effective, good contact is important. If a younger child has on several layers of diapers, or an older child is wearing heavy jeans, a spanking will not be effective.”
The argument that God created the buttocks as a place for parents to hit their children is ridiculously unscientific . The buttocks is what enables humans to walk upright instead of crawling around on all fours. It is also disturbing that Roy says to remove the clothing covering the buttocks, or else the spanking will not be effective
3. “Swats or slaps are not spankings. They only create resentment in children and will not bring them to a place of repentance. A spanking needs to be long enough and hard enough to bring a repentant cry that says, ‘I’m sorry’.”
This technique is the breaking of a child’s spirit by flogging the child into an exhausted state so that they mindlessly do whatever you say out of sheer terror. This does not help the child to learn independent decision making, nor does it create long term changes of the heart, or a desire to seek to do what is right independently. A broken person will obey you out of fear, but the obedience will be external; Inside, the person will be seething. There are a multitude of other teaching and correcting methods that will facilitate an internal desire to do what is right, and all of them involve a deep connection and trust between child and parent, which will not exist if you rely on breaking a child.
4. “A parent will be able to discern in a child’s cry when he or she has broken and come to repentance over an issue. A repentant cry is different from a cry of anger or protest, which usually occurs at the beginning of a spanking. It is not a fakery cry which children sometimes give to get out of a thorough spanking....One way a father can provoke his children to wrath is by failing to bring them to repentance during a spanking. Exactly how long and how hard a spanking needs to be to bring a repentant cry is a matter for the parent to determine.”
How is the parent supposed to tell the difference between both types of crying? Is it magic? Where is the science behind this claim? Where is the scripture that teaches parents how to discern these two different types of crying? What if the parent keeps hitting because they do not recognize that the correct cry has already occurred?
5. “Some children will need to be spanked more often than others. At times a child may need to be spanked several times a day. Sometimes a child may even need to be spanked more than once, within a brief period, for the same issue.”
How will this develop trust between the child and parents? A child who is hit several times a day will learn to walk on eggshells, fearing the next series of hits that will occur in the future. When this child is a teenager, they will not come to the parent with guidance regarding big issues and problems, because they learned that even the tiniest of issues earned them significant and repetitive pain at the hands of the very people who are supposed to protect them.
6. “There may be times when a spanking with a rod can leave marks on a child’s bottom, especially if several spankings are needed within a brief period of time. However, these marks are temporary and should not be a source of discouragement for parents. It is better for children to carry a few temporary marks on the outside than to carry within them areas of disobedience and wrong attitudes that can leave permanent marks on their character. ‘Blows that wound cleanse away evil; strokes make clean the innermost parts’ (Proverbs 20:30).”
I’m going to conclude my review with a letter written by Beth Fenimore to Roy Lessin. Beth Fenimore’s parents were friends with the Lessin family, and closely followed Roy Lessin’s teachings. Beth shares what it was like to be a child who lived under parents who accepted Roy Lessin’s parenting philosophy.
You can find the letter at this link:
http://www.nospank.net/fenimore.htm
1. “A stick is the most effective instrument to spank with because its flexibility brings the greatest amount of stinging pain.”
Roy’s belief that a rod should be used to strike children, because it will cause the most severe pain, Is ineffective, because it will not change a child’s heart, or teach them long term positive values. Intentionally causing a child the most severe possible pain is not going to develop the trust between parent and child that is necessary for such long term goals to be achieved. Roy Lessin makes another absurd claim that a rod should be used, because if a parent uses their hand the child will fear the parent, but if the parent uses the rod the child will fear the rod and not the parent. Clearly Roy Lessin believes that children are exceptionally stupid.
Regarding the defense of using a rod, because of some verses in Proverbs mention a rod, it should be noted that Proverbs is wisdom literature that is full of figurative language. A good example of this figurative style is Proverbs 23:2 which says, “and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony.” This is not a literal command for gluttons to slit their own throats, it is hyperbole, it is figurative. Despite Proverbs being filled with such figurative language, people insist that the rod mentioned in Proverbs is a literal rod for hitting children. Even if one indulges this literal rod argument, it is problematic, because the children mentioned in these verses are called na’ar in the original Hebrew. In ancient Hebrew culture a na’ar was between 12 and 19 years, yet most Christian pro-spanking apologists claim that adolescence is when hitting should end. If the Proverbs verses wanted parents to literally use rods to flog their children beneath the teenage years, then instead of using the word na’ar, the following Hebrew words should have been used: yeled = infant, yonek = 2 year old, olel = 3 year old, gamul = 3/4 year old, taph = 5/6 year old, elem = 5 to ten tears old. Furthermore, most of Proverbs is about the dangers of sexual immorality, indicating that it was definitely written for an audience of teenagers and young adults. The beating also would have taken place on the back, not the buttocks. So, even if one takes the Proverbs rod verses as being literal, it does not translate accurately to the guidelines that modern Christian pro-spankers lay claim to.
The more reasonable conclusion is that the rod being described in those few Proverbs is not meant to be interpreted as a literal rod to beat children. In fact, the Hebrew word that is translated as rod in these verses is shebet. The word shebet often refers to a shepherd’s staff, or a king’s scepter, and sometimes the word of God. In all these instances it symbolizes guidance and authority. A shepherd would use his staff to beat attacking wolves, and would use the hook at the top to rescue lost sheep. The shepherd did not beat the sheep with the staff, otherwise the frightened sheep would run away and would not follow the shepherd. A king’s scepter was a symbol of authority, and if it was extended to you you would be welcomed into his presence. If one follows this interpretation of the Hebrew text, then the Proverbs rod verses can be interpreted in the following ways:
Proverbs 13:24 (NIV): “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”
Replace “rod” with the word authority (which the rod shebet symbolizes) and you have a verse that is telling parents to use their authority to teach, guide, and correct their children. If the rod is a reference to the Word Of God, then the verse is telling parents to use the Word of God to teach, guide, and correct their children.
If sparing the rod is used in the context of the king’s scepter, then this verse could be interpreted as saying that just as a king extends the scepter to welcome people into his presence, a parent should not spare welcoming their children into their presence so that they can be taught, guided and corrected.
Proverbs 22:15 (NIV): “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.”
Again, if you substitute rod with authority, this verse becomes a warning for parents to use their authority to teach, guide, and correct their children. If the rod is the Word of God, then the verse is telling parents to use the Word Of God to teach their children wisdom and to correct them.
Proverbs 23:13 (KJV): “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Sheol).”
People often think this verse refers to a literal beating with a literal rod, but the word beat can also have different meanings. The sun can beat down on the earth, and in that context it means that the sun is a constant presence. Beat can mean a constant presence or something repetitive. Being beat with authority in this verse could possibly mean that the use of authority to teach your children should be a constant presence, and that you should be teaching them always, and repeating teachings if needed, and repeatedly correcting the child when mistakes are made. If this verse were to be taken as a literal command to beat a child with a shebet, then this verse would be a lie, because beating a child with a shepherd staff, or a king’s scepter could definitely kill them. I have a friend (Samuel Martin) who is a biblical scholar who lives in Israel, and he posted pictures of a shebet in one of his blogs, and it is not just a stick, it is a thick staff of wood. If this verse were literal, it would also be a lie, because it makes the argument that beating a child with a rod could save them from death and hell, but that is not true. If the rod is the Word Of God, then that could definitely save person from death, if the rod is a king’s scepter and the king is Jesus then the authority of Jesus could save someone’s soul. Literally beating people doesn’t result in salvation.
2. “God has given parents the perfect area on which to administer a spanking-the child’s bottom. It is a safe place, because it is well cushioned, yet it is a highly sensitive area. In order for a spanking to be effective, good contact is important. If a younger child has on several layers of diapers, or an older child is wearing heavy jeans, a spanking will not be effective.”
The argument that God created the buttocks as a place for parents to hit their children is ridiculously unscientific . The buttocks is what enables humans to walk upright instead of crawling around on all fours. It is also disturbing that Roy says to remove the clothing covering the buttocks, or else the spanking will not be effective
3. “Swats or slaps are not spankings. They only create resentment in children and will not bring them to a place of repentance. A spanking needs to be long enough and hard enough to bring a repentant cry that says, ‘I’m sorry’.”
This technique is the breaking of a child’s spirit by flogging the child into an exhausted state so that they mindlessly do whatever you say out of sheer terror. This does not help the child to learn independent decision making, nor does it create long term changes of the heart, or a desire to seek to do what is right independently. A broken person will obey you out of fear, but the obedience will be external; Inside, the person will be seething. There are a multitude of other teaching and correcting methods that will facilitate an internal desire to do what is right, and all of them involve a deep connection and trust between child and parent, which will not exist if you rely on breaking a child.
4. “A parent will be able to discern in a child’s cry when he or she has broken and come to repentance over an issue. A repentant cry is different from a cry of anger or protest, which usually occurs at the beginning of a spanking. It is not a fakery cry which children sometimes give to get out of a thorough spanking....One way a father can provoke his children to wrath is by failing to bring them to repentance during a spanking. Exactly how long and how hard a spanking needs to be to bring a repentant cry is a matter for the parent to determine.”
How is the parent supposed to tell the difference between both types of crying? Is it magic? Where is the science behind this claim? Where is the scripture that teaches parents how to discern these two different types of crying? What if the parent keeps hitting because they do not recognize that the correct cry has already occurred?
5. “Some children will need to be spanked more often than others. At times a child may need to be spanked several times a day. Sometimes a child may even need to be spanked more than once, within a brief period, for the same issue.”
How will this develop trust between the child and parents? A child who is hit several times a day will learn to walk on eggshells, fearing the next series of hits that will occur in the future. When this child is a teenager, they will not come to the parent with guidance regarding big issues and problems, because they learned that even the tiniest of issues earned them significant and repetitive pain at the hands of the very people who are supposed to protect them.
6. “There may be times when a spanking with a rod can leave marks on a child’s bottom, especially if several spankings are needed within a brief period of time. However, these marks are temporary and should not be a source of discouragement for parents. It is better for children to carry a few temporary marks on the outside than to carry within them areas of disobedience and wrong attitudes that can leave permanent marks on their character. ‘Blows that wound cleanse away evil; strokes make clean the innermost parts’ (Proverbs 20:30).”
I’m going to conclude my review with a letter written by Beth Fenimore to Roy Lessin. Beth Fenimore’s parents were friends with the Lessin family, and closely followed Roy Lessin’s teachings. Beth shares what it was like to be a child who lived under parents who accepted Roy Lessin’s parenting philosophy.
You can find the letter at this link:
http://www.nospank.net/fenimore.htm
May 9, 2012
The title of the book betrays its perspective. In our culture, many are opposed to corporal punishment. It has been abused. Yet spanking, properly administrated, has a place and a value in the discipline of children. While readers may not agree with everything, it is a discussion place for the process.
September 19, 2022
When another methods failed, we need to spank.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews