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Emotional Virtue: A Guide to Drama-Free Relationships
Today's dating scene is more complicated than ever,especially with social media, texting, and the endless pressure of the world's expectations. How can men and women overcome the interior and exterior battles and discover the love they desire? From "Hey" to "I do" - as well as the inevitable "gray areas" along the way - Emotional Virtue offers a compelling blueprint for how to thrive in every stage of a relationship - not just survive.
168 pages, Paperback
First published December 5, 2014
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508 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 69 reviews
February 9, 2021
The cycle of use can kiss my... uh... I won’t finish that sentence. Excellent read. Recommended. That’s it.
September 13, 2018
Okay, so the author of this book came to speak at our school today, so I figured, why not read her book before the speech?
Guys, I finished it in LESS THAN TWELVE HOURS. And ten of those hours I was sleeping.
This is a message that needs to be preached: that the world's version of perfect and relationships and even love is wrong, and that guys and girls need to help each other out. The book was really eye-opening. I won’t tell you everything that she said (you should just go read it!) but I never realized the extent of guys' reactions when we women wear . . . let's say revealing clothing.
One thing I especially loved were the Irresistably Virtuous lists. These are lists of traits that men and women find attractive about people of the opposite sex. None of the traits were physical. Just, wow.
I am literally having difficulty trying to describe this book. It’s just that good. READ IT.
Guys, I finished it in LESS THAN TWELVE HOURS. And ten of those hours I was sleeping.
This is a message that needs to be preached: that the world's version of perfect and relationships and even love is wrong, and that guys and girls need to help each other out. The book was really eye-opening. I won’t tell you everything that she said (you should just go read it!) but I never realized the extent of guys' reactions when we women wear . . . let's say revealing clothing.
One thing I especially loved were the Irresistably Virtuous lists. These are lists of traits that men and women find attractive about people of the opposite sex. None of the traits were physical. Just, wow.
I am literally having difficulty trying to describe this book. It’s just that good. READ IT.
April 21, 2022
Overall, I enjoyed this book! As the book states, most people only focus on physical chastity, the act of saving one’s body for their future spouse; however, they often forget the importance of emotional chastity, the act of guarding one’s heart for their future spouse. Without enough awareness and checks in place, people can easily endure many “emotion coasters” as Sarah puts it, which can be very emotionally draining and lead to unhealthy coping habits and thoughts. (Oh la la I wish I had read this book at a younger age!!)
I appreciated the following reminders in the book: 1.) Chase God and then when you’re ready see who is on your left & right 2.) Embrace the different stages of relationships—be patient! 3.) Do not use people for emotional gratification or to fulfill insecurities. 4.) Avoid dwelling in the grey area—when people are casually flirting but not committing/letting their intentions be known. 5.) To accept the receptive role of a woman in the pursing aspect of relationships.
Thus, in general this book has great insights that all readers can benefit from—I liked how it was written for both men and women. I would just say I was expecting slightly more practical advice regarding how to live out emotional chastity, which is why I decided to give the book just four stars.
I appreciated the following reminders in the book: 1.) Chase God and then when you’re ready see who is on your left & right 2.) Embrace the different stages of relationships—be patient! 3.) Do not use people for emotional gratification or to fulfill insecurities. 4.) Avoid dwelling in the grey area—when people are casually flirting but not committing/letting their intentions be known. 5.) To accept the receptive role of a woman in the pursing aspect of relationships.
Thus, in general this book has great insights that all readers can benefit from—I liked how it was written for both men and women. I would just say I was expecting slightly more practical advice regarding how to live out emotional chastity, which is why I decided to give the book just four stars.
March 14, 2025
(I haven’t read books like this before, not even TOB type books, and wasn’t involved in purity culture type stuff in high school, so this review isn’t one with comparisons to other books/experiences.)
My main notes here are that there are some gems, which is why I rated it 4 stars. But I won’t be giving this to my 16yo and 14yo homeschooled kids. I’d consider it at some point but the reference to many very worldly things i.e. social media as necessary evils seems to lead the message (at some points) and I don’t think they are. I know that’s reductive but it is what it is.
My main notes here are that there are some gems, which is why I rated it 4 stars. But I won’t be giving this to my 16yo and 14yo homeschooled kids. I’d consider it at some point but the reference to many very worldly things i.e. social media as necessary evils seems to lead the message (at some points) and I don’t think they are. I know that’s reductive but it is what it is.
January 27, 2024
This book is an amazing guide for any young adults seeking to find lasting meaning in every type of relationship! It takes you stage by stage of relationships and leads you to a deeper understanding of how to be full in oneself and bring fullness to the relationship. It’s awesome for navigating this world of insanity in relationships that we live, giving the reader a very clear view of what to prioritize and leave behind in any relationship.
April 26, 2021
I read this as a potential guide for topics in youth ministry. I believe every high school student (men and women) should read this. Virtue is key in any relationship - especially with keeping God at the center.
April 12, 2022
Reading for Jesus class. Such a hilarious book. It's actually so funny.
December 21, 2017
“People often wear an array of different masks and build fortresses around their hearts in order to portray and protect a certain image.”
“Emotional Virtue: A Guide To Drama-Free Relationships” by Sarah Swafford who talks to teens and young adults about how to live a drama-free life. In this book she gives advice, personal stories, and answers on how to live a drama-free life through relationships with your family, friends, or lover. Each chapter builds on the previous one, creating foundation and framework in which to understand and experience the thrill of dating. Swafford hopes for the audience reading the books to hold in their heart and mind some answers not just about relationships, but also about the real questions of life, as we strive to become the person we truly long to be. In this book they’re three parts to this and within those three parts are chapters. In Part 1, Sarah takes a deeper look into what seems to be “messing” with us, the pressures, insecurities, fears, and sources of frustration and confusion. Sometimes laying out the ugly and brutal truth about what we are up against helps us to understand more clearly how it is affecting us. In Part 2 she talks about how life in light of the attacks of Part 1 and move forward with a new awareness and a new plan. A plan for life and love, giving us not only a fresh outlook, but also offering practical ways to live it out. In the final part of the book, Part 3 is about how we will build upon everything we’ve laid out and use this new awareness to navigate relationships.
The author narrates this book in 1st person point of view by talking about her struggles and what we as a person can do to be better in building our relationship with others and God. The tone of the book is inspirational and helpful because this book that Sarah Swafford wrote talks about her experience and advice in creating a better relationship with others and God. Sarah states in her book on why she wrote this was because she wanted to attempt to find an alternative plan, with the hope of moving the conversation forward. As in, that this book is conversations with men and women from many different stages in life. The author’s style of writing is informative and shows personal experiences and advices. Examples of the author’s writing style throughout the book are, “Don’t be satisfied with shallow conversations about nothing. Don’t be satisfied with a shallow life about nothing. Pursue the true, the good, and the beautiful together.” Her writing style affects my reading of the book in a positive way because I feel that every line that I read is very powerful and true. Those lines stick to me and make me think about situations in life I can use to help enhance my relationships. Overall the book was amazing and wish it was longer. I was intrigued by all the advice and relatable stories she wrote and could relate to her story a lot. I learned so much from reading it and helped think and improve my relationships with my family and friends. To be aware of certain things to say or do. I would definitely recommend this book to people who want to have a balance and virtuous relationship with God and others.
“Emotional Virtue: A Guide To Drama-Free Relationships” by Sarah Swafford who talks to teens and young adults about how to live a drama-free life. In this book she gives advice, personal stories, and answers on how to live a drama-free life through relationships with your family, friends, or lover. Each chapter builds on the previous one, creating foundation and framework in which to understand and experience the thrill of dating. Swafford hopes for the audience reading the books to hold in their heart and mind some answers not just about relationships, but also about the real questions of life, as we strive to become the person we truly long to be. In this book they’re three parts to this and within those three parts are chapters. In Part 1, Sarah takes a deeper look into what seems to be “messing” with us, the pressures, insecurities, fears, and sources of frustration and confusion. Sometimes laying out the ugly and brutal truth about what we are up against helps us to understand more clearly how it is affecting us. In Part 2 she talks about how life in light of the attacks of Part 1 and move forward with a new awareness and a new plan. A plan for life and love, giving us not only a fresh outlook, but also offering practical ways to live it out. In the final part of the book, Part 3 is about how we will build upon everything we’ve laid out and use this new awareness to navigate relationships.
The author narrates this book in 1st person point of view by talking about her struggles and what we as a person can do to be better in building our relationship with others and God. The tone of the book is inspirational and helpful because this book that Sarah Swafford wrote talks about her experience and advice in creating a better relationship with others and God. Sarah states in her book on why she wrote this was because she wanted to attempt to find an alternative plan, with the hope of moving the conversation forward. As in, that this book is conversations with men and women from many different stages in life. The author’s style of writing is informative and shows personal experiences and advices. Examples of the author’s writing style throughout the book are, “Don’t be satisfied with shallow conversations about nothing. Don’t be satisfied with a shallow life about nothing. Pursue the true, the good, and the beautiful together.” Her writing style affects my reading of the book in a positive way because I feel that every line that I read is very powerful and true. Those lines stick to me and make me think about situations in life I can use to help enhance my relationships. Overall the book was amazing and wish it was longer. I was intrigued by all the advice and relatable stories she wrote and could relate to her story a lot. I learned so much from reading it and helped think and improve my relationships with my family and friends. To be aware of certain things to say or do. I would definitely recommend this book to people who want to have a balance and virtuous relationship with God and others.
December 3, 2018
Quick read, feminine perspective, and a helpful reminder to strive for emotional virtue (I wonder if that's the catholic term for fundamentalism's "moral purity"?) I have not read a Christian relationships book for a long time, and this one showed me areas in my life that have gotten messy and unkempt. The only thing I'd be careful of, which is also part of the reason I don't read many relationships books, is the hidden implication that if you work hard at a relationship, strive for chastity, and seek for true love which is always selfless, you'll be blessed with a marriage that will never fail. For idealists like myself, this is what we desperately want to believe. But reality is different, and no one is perfect. If we can avoid the trap of legalism, and realize that life is a practice of continually presenting our crooked humanness to God and allowing His love to make all things beautiful in His time, then calls to emotional purity will not be misconstrued as formulas for perfection in this life.
January 21, 2022
AMAZING BOOK!!
This book is everything that literally everyone has been looking for. It so accurately describes the struggles and emotions that we feel, but don’t talk about. We all ask, “Isn’t there like a blueprint on how to build relationships?” Or, “Where’s the instruction manual for this?” And Sarah gets as close to answering those questions as anyone I’ve heard has.
This book is also for everyone of all ages, no matter your relationship status.
Are you single? Read it.
Are you dating? Read it.
Are you engaged? Read it.
And you might be thinking, “Yeah, well my spouse and I have been married 26 years, have 8 children, and we’re all happy. Who needs a book?” You do! This book will help you to understand each other so much more, help you better navigate your relationships, and not only learn what emotional virtue is, but how to obtain it.
I 100% recommend this book to everyone.
This book is everything that literally everyone has been looking for. It so accurately describes the struggles and emotions that we feel, but don’t talk about. We all ask, “Isn’t there like a blueprint on how to build relationships?” Or, “Where’s the instruction manual for this?” And Sarah gets as close to answering those questions as anyone I’ve heard has.
This book is also for everyone of all ages, no matter your relationship status.
Are you single? Read it.
Are you dating? Read it.
Are you engaged? Read it.
And you might be thinking, “Yeah, well my spouse and I have been married 26 years, have 8 children, and we’re all happy. Who needs a book?” You do! This book will help you to understand each other so much more, help you better navigate your relationships, and not only learn what emotional virtue is, but how to obtain it.
I 100% recommend this book to everyone.
January 18, 2021
Emotional Virtue is a friendly book that is meant to demystify into clarity the process of courtship into a successful relationship for marriage. This book speaks in broad terms in order to apply a generality that leads in the mind to specifics of day-to-day for each relationship... if you read it, I can't doubt that it will be of use to you as you try and steer your vehicle, body and soul, towards loving friendship into marriage. Sarah Swafford's writing criticizes the principalities or paradigms that cause disruption in relationships due to insecurity about impossible standards... and offers what good standards should be to follow. This book was given to me by a friend at Church, and if you long to honor God through your relationships, which you should, read the book.
December 28, 2018
While this book does contain a lot of wisdom and an important message, it relies on frustrating gender roles/stereotypes to reinforce points in a way that required me to pray for patience and humility at least once a chapter so that I could glean whatever the Spirit intended I learn. It also does not do enough to clarify that developing virtue is not a means to an end (that end being finding a romantic partner), but an end in itself. Perhaps these criticisms are due to the fact that the intended audience is clearly the age group below mine, but for these reasons, despite wishing that I’d had a similar resource when I was younger, I would recommend other books/articles/videos before this.
July 28, 2024
Loved it! Read it freshman year of college and it came at the perfect time. Similar to her talks, but if you haven’t heard her message before it’s a great place to learn the basics.
My Main takeaways
⭐️ becoming who you want to be cannot “come later.” The habits we form in our teens will be who we become in adulthood.
⭐️ women use sex to get emotion, men use emotions to get sex. In all things we should use things and love people. Not the other way around!
⭐️ work on becoming the best version of yourself aka the “simply irresistible” woman. Really good list of virtues to strive for!
My Main takeaways
⭐️ becoming who you want to be cannot “come later.” The habits we form in our teens will be who we become in adulthood.
⭐️ women use sex to get emotion, men use emotions to get sex. In all things we should use things and love people. Not the other way around!
⭐️ work on becoming the best version of yourself aka the “simply irresistible” woman. Really good list of virtues to strive for!
January 29, 2019
A must read for everyone, regardless of your state in life. I highly recommend for those working in teens and young adult ministries and parents and guardians.
Sarah brings everything that needs to be said and heard together in this book for everyone and anyone in the dating world. I really liked the steps given, many times we just have musings and no specific course or process to follow. I intend to recommend this book and promote it, as I do ministry.
Sarah brings everything that needs to be said and heard together in this book for everyone and anyone in the dating world. I really liked the steps given, many times we just have musings and no specific course or process to follow. I intend to recommend this book and promote it, as I do ministry.
May 8, 2023
I wish I had had this boom in 2012, when I started college, and when my life started to go south! Alas. That's just hindsight.
Such a wonderfully written book!!!! Great for me as I prepare for marriage. It's great to be able to look back at my twenties and see why I made certain decisions and offer myself even more grace and love and self-forgiveness.
I would love to have a youth book club one day and include this book. Thank you Sarah.
Such a wonderfully written book!!!! Great for me as I prepare for marriage. It's great to be able to look back at my twenties and see why I made certain decisions and offer myself even more grace and love and self-forgiveness.
I would love to have a youth book club one day and include this book. Thank you Sarah.
October 26, 2023
I am a big fan of Sarah Swafford's work. I read this book in high-school and found it helpful in finding great women who I could strive to live well alongside, and in providing a straightforward guide in finding a man with similar values and virtue. If you are already living a life of virtue, I would not expect this book to provide new information, but it could provide some great pointers/reminders! I would suggest this read for high schoolers over college students.
December 7, 2023
I think anyone who thinks relationships are confusing should read this book. I think anyone who has been hurt time and time again by relationships should read this book. And I think anyone who is dissatisfied with the way the world likes to portray relationships and their progression should read this book. Overall, greatly helped me change my mindset, and I believe any of my relationships will be better off for it.
December 22, 2023
I wasn’t the right demographic for this book, but I’m holding onto it for when someone I know in that demographic needs this.
I appreciate how Real Sarah is in this book. Talking about how easy it is to get caught up in the cycle of use in relationships, and what that looks like. She dug deep into emotional and physical needs. She wasn’t afraid to talk bluntly about hookup culture and other things that affect dating. Highly recommend for young people discerning their dating life and marriage.
I appreciate how Real Sarah is in this book. Talking about how easy it is to get caught up in the cycle of use in relationships, and what that looks like. She dug deep into emotional and physical needs. She wasn’t afraid to talk bluntly about hookup culture and other things that affect dating. Highly recommend for young people discerning their dating life and marriage.
January 21, 2024
I was fortunate enough to meet Sarah Swafford at a conference I attended. After her insightful talk, I decided to purchase her book. Like her talk, her book was full of insightful perspectives and ideas. With lots of circumstances and situations addressed, it is a great book for anyone at any stage of a relationship. (Even those not in one!) Overall, it is a great guide, as the cover says, to drama free relationships.
March 6, 2024
I read this book as a junior in high school who was new to learning about the Catholic faith and trying to integrate my faith into my life. I loved it and learned so much. I don’t think I realized at the time how deeply formative this book would be. My passion for virtuous relationships probably started here! I’m confident that my fruitful and beautiful relationships can be attributed to what I learned in this book.
August 16, 2017
Emotional Virtue is a book that every single person, young or old should read. You will find your answers to all your puzzling questions in this book. It will challenge you, but also give you reassurance.
"I want you to run with Him; and when the time is right, glance to the side and see who is running with you."
"I want you to run with Him; and when the time is right, glance to the side and see who is running with you."
July 16, 2018
YOU HAVE TO READ THIS! The insight in this book in almost unbelievable! As I was reading this, I had to sometimes stop and just reflect on the truths that are in this book because it was almost too true to handle. This has helped shape my life for the better, and I’m a convinced it will do the same for you! Please give this book a try, you won’t regret it!
August 16, 2018
I heard Sarah speak at a Steubenville conference I chaperoned. She was fantastic- the students and I couldn’t get enough of her. Her book expands upon her talks, diving deeper into building healthy dating relationships in a way that supports Christian values and challenges the world’s notion of what love is - a dangerous cycle of using others to satisfy your own needs.
April 27, 2024
Good book! She writes not only for highschool or college students, but also for older singles or married couples. The beginning chapters may be basic, but they provide a good foundation for later chapters. The last chapter - "The Natural Progression of a Relationship" - was particularly excellent and organized. (But don't skip ahead!) Worth the read.
September 11, 2019
Such an amazing book! It has given me a better perspective of friendship and dating. Great read for any age group looking to grow in Christ’s love through their relationships. Thank you Sarah for this book! :)
September 21, 2020
Great advice for all ages
Though aimed at young people (15-25 y/o) this book articulates the path to chastity and how chastity helps a person be happy. Good stuff. Though imbued with the spirit of Christianity it is accessible to non Christians as well
Though aimed at young people (15-25 y/o) this book articulates the path to chastity and how chastity helps a person be happy. Good stuff. Though imbued with the spirit of Christianity it is accessible to non Christians as well
March 9, 2021
As a teen, this book was very helpful to me and gave me a better understanding on a lot of topics that would come up in my future. I got to see Sarah personally at a talk at my Catholic Youth Group and she was incredible! Don't hesitate; read it!!!
March 23, 2021
An absolute must-read and a game-changer for those tired of all the fuss and drama in today's messy world. This helped me see my own dignity more clearly and has changed the relationships that I already have with family and friends for the better.
August 5, 2024
Pretty good book, a lot of it felt tough to get through as a married woman because much of it was geared towards singles or dating people. But for them, I’m sure this book would be even better! Good takeaways about comparison and emotional virtue - overall decent book!
March 12, 2018
A quick, easy read, about a very important topic. I learned plenty of good tips from this book.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 69 reviews