Отношения любви. Норма и патология

by Otto F. Kernberg, Отто Ф. Кернберг

Dr. Otto Kernberg, the internationally renowned psychoanalytic theorist and clinician, here examines the factors affecting the success and failure of sexual love in couples, from adolescence to old age. Dr. Kernberg considers both so-called normal and pathological relationships, including the role of narcissism, masochism, and aggression in each. The result is a book that expands the boundaries of our current understanding of love relations.

Genres: Psychology, Psychoanalysis, Nonfiction, Love, Mental Health

256 pages, Unknown Binding

First published June 28, 1995

About the author

Otto Friedmann Kernberg (born 10 September 1928) is an Austrian-born American psychoanalyst and professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medicine. He is most widely known for his psychoanalytic theories on borderline personality organization and narcissistic pathology.

Reviews

[Feride · Rating 3 out of 5]

In my opinion, psychoanalysis is not enough to explain the dynamic and complex nature of love. It reduces and limits love to some ideas and assumptions. Psychoanalysis sees man as inherently evil and animalistic, it omits the transcendent and divine side of human beings. Therefore, the source of love is usually based on animalistic desires and urges, love is seen as something selfish, not as something divine and sacred. God and His love are out of the picture. However, the ultimate goal of love is to be united with God/the Source. Our souls desire primordial unity and wholeness with God because before our mothers' wombs and the beginning of time we were One with God. The souls first met him and fell in love with Him. That's why we don't stop looking for something we think we lost, we feel like we lack something crucial and immortal that can't be found in this world.

[Janeite · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Sevgi içselleştirilmiş nesne ilişkileri âleminde aşk ve saldırganlığı bütünleştirme kapasitesini yansıtır. Zaman içinde, aşık olunan ötekinin bedeninin ilk idealleştirilmesi ve sonra ötekinin bütün kişiliğinin idealleştirilmesi aşk nesnesinin değer sistemlerinin, yani etik, kültürel ve estetik değerlerinin idealleştirilmesine evrilir; bu romantik aşk yaşama kapasitesini garanti edecek bir gelişmedir."

[Malva · Rating 5 out of 5]

”And as van der Waals (1965) observed, if is not that narcissists love only themselves and nobody else but that they love themselves as badly as they love others.”

[Don · Rating 5 out of 5]

I need to re-read Esther Perel because she and Kernberg— although not saying the same thing — are having the same conversation. They’re at least attending the same dinner party. And, by the way, the invitation was extended to the entire neighborhood, but the neighborhood book group wouldn’t even deign to reply to the invitation, and now they’re imagining all sorts of lewd things happening at the party. But for godsake, no one inside has even taken off their clothes, and it’s doubtful that anyone will.

It’s easier to understand Perel because she speaks everyday English. In order to understand Kernberg you have to be steeped in decades of psychoanalytic jargon. But if you’re patient, and if you have ChatGPT nearby to remind you what is meant by terms like “latency period” (Answer: the period between the Oedipus complex and puberty) and “polymorphous perverse infantile sexuality” (Answer: How Dad likes to spend his Saturday nights), then you realize that, holy fuck, this man makes a ton of sense.

The major difference between Perel and Kernberg is that Perel adopts a more behavioral approach, telling her patients to not spend every waking moment together, to develop their own interests, to not be afraid to spice things up in the bedroom. Kernberg, on the other hand, encourages his patients to look inward and embrace all the beautiful and not-so-beautiful, all the awe-inspiring and scary, all the loving and tender and all the hateful and aggressive, components inside themselves.

Both authors, I should add — for the sake of the neighborhood book group — are not encouraging open relationships, child blood sacrifices, or anything like that. Kernberg strikes me as a pretty conservative guy but one who believes that the way to sustain erotic love in a long-term relationship is to get real about our internal lives and truly accept ourselves, contradictions and all.

It’s an incredibly difficult book, and certainly not everyone will agree with everything he says — although at the moment I cannot be counted among these dissenters, as I remain completely awestruck by his writing — but his core message is potentially liberating, something that can help distressed and bored couples understand what’s gone wrong and how to make things work again (or how to make things work for the first time).

[Psicologorroico · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kernberg discute delle relazioni di coppia da una prospettiva psicoanalitica, considerando sia gli aspetti maturi sia quelli disfunzionali. Il linguaggio è complesso e non di immediata lettura: è necessario avere ben chiare le teorie alla base. Molto interessante anche l'approfondimento sul cinema.

[Marina Andronova · Rating 5 out of 5]

Неожиданная для Кернберга книга: действительно, все привыкли, что маэстро пишет в основном про агрессию, а тут вдруг про любовь. Написано, надо признать, вдохновенно и со вкусом, ничуть не хуже, чем остальные книги Кернберга. Я многое почерпнула из этой книги для своей практики, и у меня появилось ощущение большей выпуклости и многогранности любых любовных отношений, с которыми я сталкиваюсь, включая мои собственные. Удивлением было для меня столкнуться с идеей о физическом проявлении агрессии в сексуальном акте как норме любовной жизни. В окружении современных ненасильственных веяний обо всех этих вещах как-то начинаешь немного забывать. Кроме того, было исключительно интересно почитать и посмотреть на конкретных примерах, как развивается любовная жизнь при пограничных и нарциссических расстройствах личности, а также проследить, каким образом образуется "безумие пары", своеобразное сочетание симптомов обоих партнёров. Чертовски интересно было про взаимодействие пары и социума, увидела много интересных схем и концептов. Однозначно рекомендую книгу психологам, психоаналитикам, консультантам по отношениям!

[Aleš Bednařík · Rating 2 out of 5]

Skoro vždy, keď čítam niečo psychoanalytické, tak mám pocit, že aj keď je to v českom alebo slovenskom jazyku, tak je to písané v inej reči. Psychoanalytické konštrukty (pojmy) a konštrukcie (interpretácie) sú pre mňa často tak abstraktné, že v postate nerozumiem, o čom hovoria.
Je i oveľa bližší humanistický, behaviorálny, evolucionistický výklad človeka, než tieto krivoľaké konštrukcie, ktoré mne viac porozumenie zahmlievajú ako odkrývajú.
A okrem toho v tejto knihe ma zarazilo, že celá prvá časť je o homosexualite - a v kontexte patologickej lásky, by ma celkom zaujímalo ako si toto vysvetľovať. Okrem toho, že Portál je kresťanským vydavateľstvom a Kernbergov pohľad sa im hodí.
Nie je to kniha pre bežných ľudí, aby porozumeli prečo majú podivné vzťahy. Je to náročným jazykom napísaná príručka pre psychoanalyticky trénovaných psychoterapeutov.

[Ismail Erk Deliormanli · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bu kitabı okuma deneyimi şöyleydi: anlamadığım birkaç paragraf ya da sayfa, ardından gelen anladığım bir paragraf ya da sayfa… Ama anladığım o pragraf ya da sayfa o kadar tatmin ediciydi ki benden 3/5 aldı bu kitap.

Psikanaliz terimlerine yabancılık ve bu terimlerin bol kullanımı, hepsini teker teker bilmeme rağmen okuduklarımı tam olarak anlayamamama neden oldu. Bu kitabı internetin olmadığı, hızlı yaşamın bu denli yaşanmadığı daha yavaş bir beyinle okuyabilseydim, çok daha fazla anlayıp çok daha fazla sevebilirdim.

Yine de bana altını çizdiğim birçok cümle kattı ve genel olarak romantik ve cinsel ilişkilere dair bir görü kattı. Yazar bunu, birçok vaka görmüş ve birçok araştırma yapmış bu sayede de kolektif bilinçdışına bir nebze olsun erişim kazanmış birisi olduğu için yapabildi.

[Maggie · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s an unpleasant read. Long winded sentences that seem to repeat the same ideas in slightly different forms with increasing certainty. The ideas have no proof but the author writes with such authority that they come across as absolutely truths, when in reality, love, relationships and sexuality are so much more complex than that.

I also feel increasingly uncomfortable with the way the author describes “normal” relationships and pathologises anything outside of what he believes to be “normal”. Eurocentric and outdated views that take no account of sexual, relationship and gender diversity.

I regret wasting my time reading this book.

[Mohsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book is probably one of the most difficult books I've read, at least in psychoanalysis litterateur. the long sentences with too many phrases, made it a bit hard to grasp the concept easily. but, the book is amazing. the concepts which Kernberg explored in this book, are beautifully explained and well written. i do recommend it.

[Ros Amor · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lo abandoné por imposible. Tenía conceptos interesantes pero no me acaban de convencer (con todo el respeto que le tengo a O.K.) . Puede ser que no soy la más indicada para juzgar un libro de enfoque psicoanalista, pero siento que sus postulados acerca de la homosexualidad, la transexualidad y el deseo han envejecido mal.

[Yinxue · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enlightening. Basic knowledge of key psychoanalytical concepts (e.g. object relation, pre-oedipal and oedipal conflicts, defense mechanisms) may help with full comprehension. Language can be long-winded in places.

[Özenç Öztürk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nesne ilişkileri okulu perspektifi dahilinde aşk ilişkilerine dair ele alınmış en net ve donanımlı Türkçeye çevrilmiş kitap denebilir.

[ceycey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cevirisi cok basarili degil biraz karisik

[Elyas · Rating 1 out of 5]

این کتاب که احتمالا یه شاهکاره. ولی هرگز هرگز ترجمه نشر ارجمندش رو نخونید. از گوگل ترنسلیت هم بدتر ترجمه کردن.

[Kaplumbağa Felsefecisi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kitabı bir psikanaliz kuramcıdan çocukluk,gençlik yıllarının ilişkilere etkisini okumak beklentisiyle okumalı. Freud gibi cinsel ve ilişkisel durumların tabu mekanizmalarla işbirliği yaparcasına değiştirilemez kılınması söz konusu değil pek. sadece örneklerini evli ve çocuklu çiftler üzerinden yapıyor olması rahatsız ediciydi. otto kernberg'in kendisinin de büyük araştırma alanı olan saldırganlık ve narsisizm üzerinden açıklamalarıyla oldukça yoğun bir psikanalitik aşk ilişkileri inceleme kitabıdır diyebiliriz özetle.

[Cemre Mercek · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dolu dolu ama fazlasıyla ağır ve yorucu bir kitap.. ciddi bir psikanaliz terminolojisi bilgisi ve Freud'a iyi bir hakimiyet gerektiriyor.. ilgilisine öneriyorum. Ben oturacağım kafa yoracağım analizleri araştırmaları çözümleyeceğim derseniz okuyun.. öncesinde temel psikoloji ve psikanaliz bilginiz olsa daha iyi olur çünkü ciddi derecede ağır ve yoğun analizler mevcut...

[Victor Timotin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book, for beginners in psihology and relationship. Easy to read, if you have a basic in psihology, if not first part is for large public. Enjoy reading, and apply everything is posibil in your daily life.

[Daoud Ahmadsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wohl einer der grössten Psychoanalytiker und -Therapeuten der Gegenwart.
Schwierig zu lesen. Jedoch nachvollziehbar. Dazu müssen Lese-Passagen vom Leser bzgl. Sinninhalte analysiert werden, sonst versteht man wenig.

[Esen Gul · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Son tahlilde, bütün insan ilişkileri bitmeye yazgılıdır; kaybetme, terk edilme ve nihayet ölüm tehdidi aşk ne kadar derinse o kadar büyüktür; bunun ayrımında olmak da aşkı derinleştirir." sy: 93

[Erdal Topaç · Rating 5 out of 5]

Aşk'ın psikiyatrik incelemesi olarak güzel bir çalışma.