TDTM

by J.A. Carter-Winward, Michael Marrotti, Robert Beveridge

Chelsea Sarkozy is a 40-year old misanthropic prude with a penchant for snark. Mean snark. When her husband, Christopher, abandons her for a younger man , an insult to injury since his thighs are bigger than hers, Chelsea is left homeless, job-less and option-less. Chelsea is soon informed that her estranged (and strange) mother has died, leaving Chelsea a large inheritance with one she must take over her mother's sexual advice blog and porn production--er, instructional video company. Broke and out of choices, Chelsea has no alternative but to hold her nose, clench her eyes shut and take the businesses head on. So to speak.

As Chelsea takes an unwilling jaunt into the sexual healing of others, she's forced to face her own psyche (peeking through her fingers,) and learns how to accept and even embrace the people who turn to her for advice and understanding. Much to her surprise, Chelsea discovers that life may just exist below her own belt after all as her mind opens, and the relentless encroachment of her long-lost libido surfaces. There may even be room for a little latex.

Genres: Poetry

286 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 30, 2010

About the author

J.A. Carter-Winward is an award-winning writer, poet, and visual artist living in the mountains of northern Utah and the author of five poetry books, six novels, two short-story collections, and a stage play.

Her most recent publications include Work in Progress: Dialogues & Poems, and If it Stings...that means it's working - a poetry story, available Limited Edition print hardback and Kindle.

Her latest novel, Wade, won Best Literary Fiction novel of 2021 in that category by IndieReader's Discovery Awards.

She's also co-founded a non-profit organization to help raise awareness for the often-overlooked dangers of over 800+ FDA-approved medications on the market today.

blackboxwarn.org

J.A.'s work can be found in various print and online journals, anthologies, and publications.
Check her official Author Page for upcoming releases coming in 2022.

www.jacarterwinward.com

https://www.facebook.com/jacarterwinw...

Reviews

[karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

EDUCATORS, TAKE NOTE

the recent
and bewildering
trend
of tumblr-poets
getting book deals
and selling thousands of copies
of these books
is redefining poetry
in the minds of impressionable
kiddies
as
'any thought that pops into your head
as long as you hit enter
a bunch of times.'

and even though
these poems here
are full of blowjobs,
and whale-on-human sex,
and blowjobs,
and hand jobs,
and blowjobs,
and drinking,
and bird-murder,
and blowjobs,
they are still better examples
of 'poetry'
than anything
lang leav
will ever write,
and by that rationale,
more appropriate to be included
in a grade-school poetry lesson
than the
emogasms of
any of
those cyberpoet hacks.

[Arthur Graham · Rating 4 out of 5]

I only read it for the poems.

See Bryana's full spread (quite literally) here.

[Janie · Rating 4 out of 5]

An refreshingly unpretentious collection of poetry containing witty, sardonic and relatable entries.

[Melki · Rating 4 out of 5]

This arrived a while ago in a care package sent to me by the author/editor. (Arthur Graham CARES, people! He bloody well does!)
My husband saw the cover, and the slender book disappeared for a while. It later appeared, slightly mangled, near the shitter, and I finally got to read it. (On the back porch. Not the shitter.)

There's some really wonderful stuff here, including poems by some Goodreads members. It's hard to pick a favorite, though Johnny Scarlotti's Blue Whale made me snort with laughter. Trust Johnny on this - never swim with a whale . . .

the ocean is fucked.
I'm never going in there again.

Did you know that if you send a message to Arthur Graham, he will GIVE YOU an ebook. (Because he FREAKIN' CARES!) I recommend doing this since you won't have to worry about your husband doing God-only-knows-what to the cover.

And. for Joulupukki's sake, stay out of the ocean!

[Ian "Marvin" Graye · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full Disclosure

I sucked dick
In exchange
For a free
Copy of
HST
Quarterly.
No honest
Review was
Required.
Arthur said
It was great,
Anyway.

Well-Bred Poets Knitting Circle

Dare I say it, my only qualm with this book is that it wasn't horrible, sleazy or trashy enough. To my untrained eye, it actually stands as a collection of reasonably good contemporary poetry. To the extent that occasionally so-called objective standards might lapse, it's usually compensated for by a sense of humour or (self-) parody (i.e., it's fun!). The book is both well laid and well laid out. The whole is even greater than the sum of its parts. I enjoyed the whole and much more than some of the parts. It made me want to pluck my eyebrows, shave my legs and read more HST poetry. I can't wait for the next quarterly to come! Hopefully, one more swallow will make a spring of good reading.

[Harry Whitewolf · Rating 4 out of 5]

There’s a lot more depth to these poems than I had expected for a collection that’s primarily concerned with Horror, Sleaze and Trash. The poems themselves might dwell on attributes of those three themes, but the poetry itself isn’t trashy or sleazy. For a selection of various poets, this works very well as a collection, where the individual pieces combine to make a satisfying whole. My favourites were the introductory ‘Contemporary Poetry’ by Michael Marrotti, ‘hand in hand’ by J. J. Campbell, ‘Sigourney Weaver Reminds Me of My Mum’ by Andy Carrington, ‘Too Drunk To Drink’ by Chris Butler, ‘Trash’ by Thom Young, and ‘Editors Can Be Dicks’ by Angelica Fuse. I didn’t know most of the poets in this collection, but it’s been great to make their acquaintance.

[Leo Robertson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I interviewed Arthur about this book and more, and you can listen here!

I'm holding my review hostage.

Enjoy these saucy pics instead!! http://www.horrorsleazetrash.com/art-...

[Jason · Rating 4 out of 5]

...........And the winner for this year's best cover goes to Bryanna. From the title and description I was expecting some filthy, violent and scary poetry, the collection is not as shallow as that. It starts off a bit sensible, then gets angry and quite shouty, then things start to get a bit rude and then near the end things take a serious turn. The ordering of the poems and the layout has been perfectly done.

I'm quite proud of myself because I have read stuff by 4 of the poets, quite an achievement for me. Amber Decker is new to me and her poem was the best, the perfect poem for HST, She sounds like she could be quite scary in real life. Certificates by Chris Butler had me laughing out loud, only 7 lines long but genius. The mighty Johnny Scarlotti does a little documentary for us about the Blue Whale.

Has anybody seen the Nationwide adverts on TV? Some person sat in a café lecturing about humans and stuff? I quite like them, it would be awesome if John Grochalski was to read his poem, the longest in the book, on one of those adverts.

A fine collection here and some new names for me to check out...it's only downfall was that it just isn't long enough, over way too soon.

[Andy Carrington]

Zero stars from me cause I'm in it.

[G. Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

There's a lot of poetry that I look at condescendingly because I'm not a 15-year-old angst-ridden teen anymore. This is not that kind of poetry. These poems tend to focus on what it's like to be both a low-life (in the non-judgmental sense) and a poet. While I'm not a poet, I can appreciate the meta-narrative aspect here. It sounds like being a poet really, really sucks, so maybe I made the right decision? I don't know. There are all kinds of horrors (in the non-monster sense) associated with it in this zine—emotional, economic, sexual, existential...

So, I still don't really get poetry, but if you do like poetry that's gritty and a little bit off into left-field, I'd highly recommend this.

Oh, there's also a whole sleaze pictorial online you might want to check out if you like thighs and vaginas.

[Rebecca Gransden · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brief but sly collection of mind vomit paper napkin poetry, some drollness amongst the weariness, sometimes the good stuff does require unthinking. I liked that this didn’t go on too long. Wanting more is one of those good things.

It seemed like it was having a conversation with itself, and I was eavesdropping. Another good thing. Shows that someone had actually thought about what was included, or that had at least happened as a happy accident. Whatever the case, these poems complement, sometimes battling the pain of self awareness so acute it writes itself moot, sometimes surrendering to the simplicity of the indirect aside, grabbed from thin air before it gets away. This short collection had more to it than I’d expected, which is always a decent surprise.

[A. Blumer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Personally, as someone who compiles/publishes various types of writers, I really respect what HST has done here. It was a full spread of silly, fearless, and personal poetry, and I love a full spread (thank you bryana)
I'm looking forward to reading the next quarterly, and hopefully contributing again.

[Rodney · Rating 4 out of 5]

HST quarterly is, and will continue to be, something I read to satisfy that nook of my brain that craves things witty and cynical.

[Jason · Rating 5 out of 5]

Why is it that TDTM has sold only a tiny iddy-biddy-widdy fraction of the books that 50 shades of grey has sold? When 50 shades is only a tiny iddy-biddy-widdy fraction good/classy/sexy as TDTM is? JA Carter-Winward, known worldwide as "The Queen Mother Cunt" (aka the QMC), is one of my favourite poets, her poetry is both honest and moving and I've always thought that was her best work. I was wrong, TDTM has surpassed that, it is an incredible book and she has done something very very few women can do, allow men to see what goes on inside a woman's head.

Chelsea is not a nice character, she is very insecure, especially when it comes to sex, and she has no filter on her mouth. Her mother has died, her husband has left her for another man, she has lost her job and is about to lose her house, so you can see why she is so bitter. She inherits her mum's sex blog and porn movie business and she has to explore herself, both sexually and emotionally, if she is going to keep things going. There is a lot of humour here, at times it feels a bit slapstick, but that is how I think it would be in real life situations, you'll have to trust me on that as I don't want to even slightly hint at any spoilers.

You may think this is a chick book but it seriously isn't, I reckon this has been written for men so don't be shy and read this stunning book.

I'll feeling sad now because it is over, this book so needs a sequel.

My Blog post is here. https://felcherman.wordpress.com/2017...

[Kent Winward · Rating 5 out of 5]

Six or seven times through now and it still makes me laugh out loud.

So once again the husband reviews his wife's books -- so caveat emptor.

Love, sex, death and gooey things. I love the book with Chelsea's snark, the quirky cast of characters, and the funniest porn shoot I've ever read about. Mom blows up. Mom leaves uptight daughter a porn empire. Chaos ensues.

I'll buy anyone a copy of this book if they want to read it and I guarantee you will fall in love with this novel.

[Igrowastreesgrow · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great collection and I can't wait to get my hands on more!

[Ju$tin · Rating 3 out of 5]

thought this was a decent collection overall -

poems that stood out to me were cosmic loophole by ally malinenko, what might have been by arthur graham, and big shot by ben john smith

[Joseph Spuckler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, I was in the middle of Petrarch's lyrical poems listening to him go on and on about Laura. 366 poems about the love of his life that he never spoke a word too. The guy was completely obsessed. Today there would be a restraining order or he would be sharing a cell with John Hinckley sharing Laura and Jodie Foster stories. The guy was even jealous of the earth because when Laura died the earth would embrace her forever and he never could. That might be normal for a medieval poet but what about normal 21st-century poets? Then I picked up HST Quarterly.


HST is a quarterly poetry publication It stands for Horror, Sleaze, and Trash. So think of it for the very open minded, NC-17, cool kids market. I t does have shock value, but Ginsberg and Wilde shocked people too. This may be an opportunity to get in on future classic poetry. Things change. I mean Queen Elizabeth was at the 2012 Olympic opening ceremonies while "Pretty Vacant" was being played. For all we know, Liz and Johnny could have been high-fiving in the stands.

What to expect. If you are expecting Johnny Rotten, you will be as disappointed as someone expecting Carl Sandburg. But, if you want an original poetic experience and something to read in the shop and not have the guys laugh at you for reading poetry....this is it. The poetry is surprisingly good considering the expectations that the publication's title offers. I have read a lot of bad poetry and this is not it.

Most of the poetry is for an adult audience although nothing too graphic. Chelsea Howard would make Petrarch gasp and inspire Dante’s second circle, but they are old guys and out of touch. JJ Campbell writes of what could only be a married couple with a long, long marriage. Angelica Fuse writes "Editors Can Be Dicks," while the publication's editor contributes two poems. All the poems are good and definitely worth reading. Johnny Scarlotti, however, cranks it up to eleven, twice. "Blue Whale" takes dolphin encounters to a brand new level and explains why it's not the great white sharks that make it not safe to go back into the water. He follows up with "Toucan" a poem of seemingly new hope when seeing that there are others who are just a bad off as we are. There is that heartwarming feeling... and then there are the lines written on the side, as sort of a post script.


Overall, I did not read a poem I didn't like which is odd in an anthology. I keep mentioning this is adult writing, the cover will give that away, but not too adult. HST does for poetry what R Crumb did for comics.




This fine publication is available at: http://www.horrorsleazetrash.com/


I can't wait to get to the Winter issue.

[Casey Kiser · Rating 5 out of 5]

An O.G. of indie, J.A. is supremely gifted at peeling back the layers of the human condition to bring us relatability that runs deep, including riotous and unpredictable but down-to-earth dialogue that could put Tarantino in time-out. These things are consistent throughout the book, along with the pacing of Chelsea's bed-rocking personal growth. Carter-Winward remains one of the most badass writers you'll ever cum across. (No, this author never makes it rain with cliches, but I figure she wouldn't mind the golden one in a review.) And with writing this animated, you'll see it play out so clearly in your mind. Strap in and gloss up that strap-on. Mimosa refill. Cheers.
But if you were born in the gutter glitter, you may just be offended at how offended Chelsea comes off. She's a lot. But that's the point. Will she ever get off? The granny panty train stops here.
The reader slowly faces any fears of letting loose and letting go of toxic mindsets to reluctantly get comfy with the uncomfortable, right along with the main character as she questions stigmas surrounding sex. Why is sex ruing my life when I don't even like it? Could I ever like it? What is pleasure? What is filth? What is too far? What is life? What is that thing under your bed? Why is everything I've ever known crumbling around me?? The kind of questions that linger, as the answers are ever-changing as people change. The labyrinth is always shifting. Does Chelsea find her way? Specific questions from an inherited sex column light her fire and serve to help her ponder these things and other kinks in the chain. The gang of TDTM reminds us to embrace change and accept ourselves so that we may accept others. And that we have little control over what happens in our lives but, we can choose alchemy. This is one of those books you'd hope gets adapted to a screenplay. Recommended.

[Kent Winward · Rating 5 out of 5]

As part of my New Year's reading, I plan on reading Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Henry Miller, and Milan Kundera and I will be working my way through those author's oeuvre. I'm also going to finish off Italo Calvino, who I started last year. Each year, I also re-read all of J.A. Carter-Winward's works. Of course, I still have a couple of Charles Bukowski's books sitting in the bathroom.

With this type of year of reading on tap, I also realized that I've carried most of the HST Quarterlies in my "Currently Reading" status on GoodReads, because I never got around to reviewing them the way I thought I should review them. I'm actually thoroughly impressed by Arthur Graham's ability to curate these quarterly collections that somehow manage to capture the edge of creating art, seeing life in its most profane, and finding it all so fulfilling and meaningful. I found myself relating to Ben John Smith's last poem in this collection, Big Shot, and how he has lost the fuel for his poetry and has traded it in for "the good life." But that is the beauty of these quarterlies -- the horror, sleaze, and trash is actually part and parcel of the good life.

[Shadow Girl · Rating 5 out of 5]

RTC

[India · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cheers to the gods of sex, wine, and poetry.

[Brian Rosenberger · Rating 4 out of 5]

Always entertaining. Great cover.
My favorite poem this issue was "hand in hand" by J.J. Campbell.
Also enjoyed Andy Carrington's piece on Sigourney Weaver, "Dangerous" by John D. Robinson (insight at the urinal), Ryan Quinn Flanagan's unique take on workers comp, and the poems of John Grochalski and Ben John Smith.
HST never fails to deliver. Recommended reading.