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Alien Barbarians of Zandipor #1
Barbarian
I went camping once.
Two hours later, I was checked into a Holiday Inn, lying on a table and getting massaged by a muscular Swedish man named Sven.
If I can't survive on a campground, how can I survive by myself on an alien planet?
And that's exactly where I am.
The flowers are as big as cars, the bugs as big as dogs, and there's no Holiday Inn in sight.
Oh, and did I forget to mention...there are freaking dinosaurs here!
I would have been their lunch if it wasn't for Turic, my blue alien savior.
He's no Sven but he has other ways to please me...
And this muscular alien with the heavenly tongue is making this harsh alien planet feel like home. Standalone. HEA. No Cliffhanger.
Two hours later, I was checked into a Holiday Inn, lying on a table and getting massaged by a muscular Swedish man named Sven.
If I can't survive on a campground, how can I survive by myself on an alien planet?
And that's exactly where I am.
The flowers are as big as cars, the bugs as big as dogs, and there's no Holiday Inn in sight.
Oh, and did I forget to mention...there are freaking dinosaurs here!
I would have been their lunch if it wasn't for Turic, my blue alien savior.
He's no Sven but he has other ways to please me...
And this muscular alien with the heavenly tongue is making this harsh alien planet feel like home.
112 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 27, 2016
253 people are currently reading
503 people want to read
About the author
Kim Fox
88 books230 followersA hot, new paranormal romance writer who loves Werebears and the tough, BBW that can handle them.
Her latest series is Smokejumpers: Werebear (Bear Shifters of Flathead Forest) a cast of fun, lovable and sexy smokejumping shifters. Each book focuses on a different member of the crew and the women that they fall for.
Sign up to my newsletter here to find the latest updates: http://www.authorkimfox.com/newslette...
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Her latest series is Smokejumpers: Werebear (Bear Shifters of Flathead Forest) a cast of fun, lovable and sexy smokejumping shifters. Each book focuses on a different member of the crew and the women that they fall for.
Sign up to my newsletter here to find the latest updates: http://www.authorkimfox.com/newslette...
https://www.facebook.com/Kim-Fox-8986...
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 181 reviews
January 18, 2019
Thanks to Umaiya for telling me that this book is funny. I love funny and sarcastic characters and books, and this one delivered big time. I knew the author was one of my girls when I read her little note before the book began:
"To James Cameron:
Hit me up if you want to make this into a movie.
There is one condition.
I get to play Avery and I want Chris Hemsworth to play Turic.
I'm ready to start filming the love scenes whenever you are."
Yeah, I like her.
Okay, so if you were ever a fan of Ruby Dixon's books, Ice Planet Barbarians, you need this in your life. So freaking funny and smutty. It's smutlarious.
Avery gets abducted by aliens and ends up on a planet with dinosaurs and blue hunks. Luckily, they need women, which we know from fiction is a very big problem in other galaxies - women shortages. She hooks up with Turic, the mighty. Turic talks about himself in the third person - something that I would normally find very douchey, but somehow he makes it adorable.
And, you're adorable too, Elmo. You can get away with third-person talking too.
(Sheesh, he's such a sensitive bitch!)
Turic takes Avery back to his camp of horny smurf-dudes and things get ugly pretty fast. Apparently, in this village, Papa Smurf is a giant asshole and wants to kill Avery. Now, I don't want to spoil, but shockingly, his murderous plans may not succeed. Maybe. Like I said, I don't want to spoil. You will just have to read it yourself to find out if our heroine dies at the hands of Asshole Papa Smurf.
See? Total douche!
Turic is sweet, cute, and has no inhibitions at all. He has a tendency to over-share. He has no idea what TMI means. Once they get to the village, he turns into this guy:
Avery is super normal, funny, and sarcastic. She kept me laughing the whole time.
This book was hilarious. And, very dirty. Don't expect amazing literature, just expect to be entertained. I'm totally reading everything else I can find by this author now. She gets me.
"To James Cameron:
Hit me up if you want to make this into a movie.
There is one condition.
I get to play Avery and I want Chris Hemsworth to play Turic.
I'm ready to start filming the love scenes whenever you are."
Yeah, I like her.
Okay, so if you were ever a fan of Ruby Dixon's books, Ice Planet Barbarians, you need this in your life. So freaking funny and smutty. It's smutlarious.
Avery gets abducted by aliens and ends up on a planet with dinosaurs and blue hunks. Luckily, they need women, which we know from fiction is a very big problem in other galaxies - women shortages. She hooks up with Turic, the mighty. Turic talks about himself in the third person - something that I would normally find very douchey, but somehow he makes it adorable.
And, you're adorable too, Elmo. You can get away with third-person talking too.
(Sheesh, he's such a sensitive bitch!)
Turic takes Avery back to his camp of horny smurf-dudes and things get ugly pretty fast. Apparently, in this village, Papa Smurf is a giant asshole and wants to kill Avery. Now, I don't want to spoil, but shockingly, his murderous plans may not succeed. Maybe. Like I said, I don't want to spoil. You will just have to read it yourself to find out if our heroine dies at the hands of Asshole Papa Smurf.
See? Total douche!
Turic is sweet, cute, and has no inhibitions at all. He has a tendency to over-share. He has no idea what TMI means. Once they get to the village, he turns into this guy:
Avery is super normal, funny, and sarcastic. She kept me laughing the whole time.
This book was hilarious. And, very dirty. Don't expect amazing literature, just expect to be entertained. I'm totally reading everything else I can find by this author now. She gets me.
March 12, 2019
Oh man! This book was awesome! Well, if you like blue alien heroes that is. And while I might’ve thought they weren’t really my thing…they absolutely are! There were so many laugh out loud moments. The heroine is just real as in what your best friend is probably like, if not yourself. Her outlook and inner monologue were hilarious because they were exactly what I would think. Then you’ve got that big hulking blue alien, Turic, who is all he-man/caveman with an immediately “Mine” mentality and yeah, I was completely blissed out.
Thanks to my Goodreads friend Erika for recommending this book to me. I’ll be digging further into this crazy new world that’s for sure!
Read via Kindle Unlimited
Dual POV
Safe
Triggers
Thanks to my Goodreads friend Erika for recommending this book to me. I’ll be digging further into this crazy new world that’s for sure!
Read via Kindle Unlimited
Dual POV
Safe
Triggers
January 2, 2024
IMAGINE aliens abduct you because some rando wants earth woman to be in his harem😡. then you and your 2 friends take over the ships control 🛸and land in a random planet nearby🪐 (you killed all the other women in the process by accident but who cares 🙄). a big blue alien 🦏saves you (they have to be blue) and you have sex with him even though you can't understand each other 😋 fast forward his tribe thinks that you're ✨ GODDESS ✨ and you'll protect them from dinosaurs 🦖🦕 (obviously there are dinosaurs) and with sheer luck you kill two T-Rex and a bad shaman💅🏼💪🏽 now it's obvious that you're ✨ GODDESS ✨ so they make you their new queen 👑 and surprise YOU'RE PREGNANT 🎉🎉 obviously woman shortage is a big crisis in other planets🥺 it's like their climate change but worse 😢 so you send some dudes to search your friends because you finally remembered you had friends 🥺 and it's all happens in a couple of days😮 can't you imagine? try reading this 😋🤩
January 18, 2019
Actual rating: 3.5 stars.
I liked this story because it made me laugh a lot.
This is a very light, short adorably goofy romance. It is like having a small chocolate treat.
Avery has a great positive silly attitude and Turic is a babylike lovable mega-buff loyal warrior.
Part of what attracted me to this book is how similar it is to Ruby Dixon's Ice Planet Barbarians books, which I really enjoy.
I can't wait to keep reading this series!
I liked this story because it made me laugh a lot.
This is a very light, short adorably goofy romance. It is like having a small chocolate treat.
Avery has a great positive silly attitude and Turic is a babylike lovable mega-buff loyal warrior.
Part of what attracted me to this book is how similar it is to Ruby Dixon's Ice Planet Barbarians books, which I really enjoy.
I can't wait to keep reading this series!
December 7, 2019
So I accidentally managed to start rereading this after downloading on kindle unlimited again and as I gave it a second go through and appreciated this so much more this second time around so I am upping my rating slightly.
With a three-year gap between maybe, I'm just more attuned to embracing all that is weird and wonderful and this certainly has that in absolute spades no contest.
So brief recap Avery and her friend are kidnapped from a movie theatre (or cinema if your British like me) by aliens and not liking their current fate manage to hijack the spacecraft and with the assistance of an onboard robot Tom land it on the planet Zandipor.
Here they get chased by a vicious scary T-Rex fall into a dangerous raging river and get separated from each other.
Avery is then rescued from her dire fate by a massive brawny and blue alien native wannabe smurf called Turic.
So this was a really funny one that doesn't take itself to seriously, it was all very tongue in cheek almost slapstick at times and a whole lot of fun.
The Blue aliens are not the brightest bunch and that includes Turic.
But though he may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer he was extremely sweet even when he was over sharing also very enthusiastic to one and all, especially when discovering Avery's Culip and his heart was definitely in the right place.
This was surprisingly enjoyable but silly and definitely non-serious.
Reviewed By Beckie Bookworm
https://www.facebook.com/beckiebookworm/
www.beckiebookworm.com
April 1, 2019
3 1/2 stars
Now I know how Smurfette must have felt being the only female in a village full of horny blue males.
So much of this tale is just ridiculous.
Mind you, that's totally intentional and, hey, it's hilarious at points too.
I have a feeling that Turic would be a famous porn star if he ever decided to move to earth.
I guess it's all about whether you're willing and able to go along with this particular brand of silly and smutty, and Ms. Fox eventually brought me over to her version of the blue side.
"Turic drank of her sweet nectar all of last night and this morning."
All eyes are on me wondering what my culip looks like. I tap Turic on the back. "Can we not talk about my culip in front of the whole village please?"
But he just goes on. And my cheeks get redder.
I've actually been to the blue side before with the Ice Planet Barbarians series.
In fact, I felt that Barbarian really was a kind of parody of those books, which is pretty funny for its own reasons. (I mean, for starters, IPB is often referred to as 'Planet Blueballs' amongst its readers....)
She's the Saku. Destroyer of Dinosaurs and Slayer of Monsters.
So, anyways, if you're looking for something serious?
Where you'll suspend all disbelief?
She opens her massive jaws and lets out a squeaking roar that has my heart pumping like a f*cking jackhammer on steroids. I swallow as I look around for a weapon. A rock. A stick. Anything.
If I'm going to die, I'm going to die fighting.
Because that's how we do stuff on planet earth.
There's nothing but dirt and rocks that I could possibly lift up around me so I stuff my hands in my pockets, hoping for a miracle. Maybe a rocket launcher.
The key to my tiny apartment.
It's all I have. I must have left my rocket launcher in my other shorts.
I slide the key between my fingers and hold up my fists, hoping that maybe the T-Rex will die of laughter.
For the love of Jebus, don't look here.
But if you want some super silly, roll-your-eyes, sometimes laugh-out-loud alien smut with a wise-cracking heroine and a protective, massively built, hot blue Tarzan-like dude (with special alien gifts/skills in the sack, and who is often referred to as a smurf of some kind by the heroine), as well as dinosaurs, an irritating (but sometimes helpful) talking robot, and massive rocks falling from the sky?
I walk back into the village like a goddamn warrior princess.
Wait until Turic gets a load of this. He's going to shit his animal skin loincloth.
Then this, my friends, is the book for you.
(If you're in any way curious about the crazysauce, check out my updates to see whether this particular episode of 'the blue and the batty' might work for you.)
Now I know how Smurfette must have felt being the only female in a village full of horny blue males.
So much of this tale is just ridiculous.
Mind you, that's totally intentional and, hey, it's hilarious at points too.
I have a feeling that Turic would be a famous porn star if he ever decided to move to earth.
I guess it's all about whether you're willing and able to go along with this particular brand of silly and smutty, and Ms. Fox eventually brought me over to her version of the blue side.
"Turic drank of her sweet nectar all of last night and this morning."
All eyes are on me wondering what my culip looks like. I tap Turic on the back. "Can we not talk about my culip in front of the whole village please?"
But he just goes on. And my cheeks get redder.
I've actually been to the blue side before with the Ice Planet Barbarians series.
In fact, I felt that Barbarian really was a kind of parody of those books, which is pretty funny for its own reasons. (I mean, for starters, IPB is often referred to as 'Planet Blueballs' amongst its readers....)
She's the Saku. Destroyer of Dinosaurs and Slayer of Monsters.
So, anyways, if you're looking for something serious?
Where you'll suspend all disbelief?
She opens her massive jaws and lets out a squeaking roar that has my heart pumping like a f*cking jackhammer on steroids. I swallow as I look around for a weapon. A rock. A stick. Anything.
If I'm going to die, I'm going to die fighting.
Because that's how we do stuff on planet earth.
There's nothing but dirt and rocks that I could possibly lift up around me so I stuff my hands in my pockets, hoping for a miracle. Maybe a rocket launcher.
The key to my tiny apartment.
It's all I have. I must have left my rocket launcher in my other shorts.
I slide the key between my fingers and hold up my fists, hoping that maybe the T-Rex will die of laughter.
For the love of Jebus, don't look here.
But if you want some super silly, roll-your-eyes, sometimes laugh-out-loud alien smut with a wise-cracking heroine and a protective, massively built, hot blue Tarzan-like dude (with special alien gifts/skills in the sack, and who is often referred to as a smurf of some kind by the heroine), as well as dinosaurs, an irritating (but sometimes helpful) talking robot, and massive rocks falling from the sky?
I walk back into the village like a goddamn warrior princess.
Wait until Turic gets a load of this. He's going to shit his animal skin loincloth.
Then this, my friends, is the book for you.
(If you're in any way curious about the crazysauce, check out my updates to see whether this particular episode of 'the blue and the batty' might work for you.)
January 8, 2021
Kind of an anniversary read. Last April my love for mint chocolate chip ice cream ended abruptly. Thanks, Rod Holder! *shakes fist* But it was also the beginning of some treasured friendships. Like most friendships these days, it started with a genitally tentacled alien in need of some water. Or maybe that's just me. Anyways, all of us were already set on this path some time before. And I thought now would be a good time to briefly return to the blue side.
What is this blue side? you might ask. Well, it's pretty straightforward, actually. Just your regular romance plot, but with some especially colorful protagonists.
Okay, so this seems to be the way it usually goes: There's a group of female earthlings that gets abducted by some green aliens (for some reason they are always green). Said female earthlings are not too happy about it, and a bit of a tussle ensues. In all that chaos something goes wrong with the spaceship and the whole party has to land on some coveniently positioned planet, where, however, they face some rather unwelcoming circumstances. In this case here it's dinosaurs (yay!). But that foreign world is also inhabited by very gentle blue aliens (for some reason they are always blue) whose tribes happen to be short on females (of course). One of the earthlings and one of the aliens respectively get separated from the rest of their kind, and slowly (or actually rather quickly) they get pretty close with each other. But, as is often the case when you meet some alien friend for the first time, there's the problem of communication at first.
Yep, French is really pretty hard. Shortly after that point in the story other things get pretty hard as well, and also astonishingly big. An extended period of la copulation follows.
The blue ones might not speak English (or French) very well, but they still are extraordinarily gifted with their tongues. Add to that some quite unearthly sized and/or shaped appendages, and it will surely lead to several climaxes in the story. Now would be the point where mint chocolate chip ice cream might come into play. But here it does not. And anyway, for me that ship has sailed. Thanks, Rod Holder! *shakes fist*
Where was I? Ah, right, because of the female shortage on his planet the blue guy would love nothing more than to impregnate his precious earthling with his precious (and potentially very tasty) seed. This now, this is where the relationship might come to be seriously tested. But then again, they know each other for days already, so usually it is smooth sailing.
Obviously, now the blue guy wants to introduce his mate to his tribe. But remember, no females there. So of course this leads to a bit of a scramble. But, big surprise, here in this particular book it doesn't happen at all for the reasons I thought it would. In fact, Turic's tribe finds Avery not very desirable. And they are also kinda rude in expressing their distaste for her. But Turic, ever the gentleman, vigorously defends her pride.
D'aww! Such a sweetheart. But, yeah, Avery is right. This review also contains a little too much information already. So, nothing more about the story.
This book was funnier than Ice Planet Barbarians, but not necessarily better. During my first visit to the blue side I saw two characters that made for a pretty sweet couple. In spite of one of them having fangs, and horns, and a tail. But do some minor anatomical differences like these really matter that much? True love comes on the inside, right?! Turic, by the way, is much more human-like. What he has in common with Vektal is his blue skin, huge cock, and skilled tongue. But I liked Vektal and Georgie better together. They also had more of the nookie, which is pretty important for a book like this. This here of course has dinosaurs and quite some humorous bits. Though if you want to read something funny, that also has some human/alien, er, relations in it, I would still recommend Rod Holder’s Water For Alien Were-Dinos. Unless you love mint chocolate chip ice cream and would really much rather have it stay that way.
What is this blue side? you might ask. Well, it's pretty straightforward, actually. Just your regular romance plot, but with some especially colorful protagonists.
Okay, so this seems to be the way it usually goes: There's a group of female earthlings that gets abducted by some green aliens (for some reason they are always green). Said female earthlings are not too happy about it, and a bit of a tussle ensues. In all that chaos something goes wrong with the spaceship and the whole party has to land on some coveniently positioned planet, where, however, they face some rather unwelcoming circumstances. In this case here it's dinosaurs (yay!). But that foreign world is also inhabited by very gentle blue aliens (for some reason they are always blue) whose tribes happen to be short on females (of course). One of the earthlings and one of the aliens respectively get separated from the rest of their kind, and slowly (or actually rather quickly) they get pretty close with each other. But, as is often the case when you meet some alien friend for the first time, there's the problem of communication at first.
He turns and frowns as he looks down at me. "Ratchata hurew?" he says.
"I don’t speak alien," I answer with a frustrated shake of my head. "I speak English and about ten words of French. Bonjour. Avion. Chaises."
He doesn't seem to understand French either. I'm not surprised. French is hard as shit.
Yep, French is really pretty hard. Shortly after that point in the story other things get pretty hard as well, and also astonishingly big. An extended period of la copulation follows.
The blue ones might not speak English (or French) very well, but they still are extraordinarily gifted with their tongues. Add to that some quite unearthly sized and/or shaped appendages, and it will surely lead to several climaxes in the story. Now would be the point where mint chocolate chip ice cream might come into play. But here it does not. And anyway, for me that ship has sailed. Thanks, Rod Holder! *shakes fist*
Where was I? Ah, right, because of the female shortage on his planet the blue guy would love nothing more than to impregnate his precious earthling with his precious (and potentially very tasty) seed. This now, this is where the relationship might come to be seriously tested. But then again, they know each other for days already, so usually it is smooth sailing.
Obviously, now the blue guy wants to introduce his mate to his tribe. But remember, no females there. So of course this leads to a bit of a scramble. But, big surprise, here in this particular book it doesn't happen at all for the reasons I thought it would. In fact, Turic's tribe finds Avery not very desirable. And they are also kinda rude in expressing their distaste for her. But Turic, ever the gentleman, vigorously defends her pride.
"Avery may not be a Sandroka," Turic says, defending me. "But she is female. She has a culip. A beautiful culip that drips with sweetness and smells like the divine Cheecho herself. Turic drank her sweet nectar all of last night and this morning."
"Jesus, Turic," I whisper. "TMI."
D'aww! Such a sweetheart. But, yeah, Avery is right. This review also contains a little too much information already. So, nothing more about the story.
This book was funnier than Ice Planet Barbarians, but not necessarily better. During my first visit to the blue side I saw two characters that made for a pretty sweet couple. In spite of one of them having fangs, and horns, and a tail. But do some minor anatomical differences like these really matter that much? True love comes on the inside, right?! Turic, by the way, is much more human-like. What he has in common with Vektal is his blue skin, huge cock, and skilled tongue. But I liked Vektal and Georgie better together. They also had more of the nookie, which is pretty important for a book like this. This here of course has dinosaurs and quite some humorous bits. Though if you want to read something funny, that also has some human/alien, er, relations in it, I would still recommend Rod Holder’s Water For Alien Were-Dinos. Unless you love mint chocolate chip ice cream and would really much rather have it stay that way.
February 28, 2019
I discovered this by chance. NOT thanks to my friends Jilly and Umaiya! Yes, I know, Jilly, that Umaiya loves you more...
But, I'm sooooo happy to have read this!!!
I don't know why people were staring at me...
This book is HILARIOUS!!! If you're having a bad day, you MUST read this one - it would do wonders for your mood!!!
There're abduction by praying-mantis aliens for breeding purposes, tin-can stupid robots, dinosaurs, huge blue alien hunks, Smurfs, TMI ... You'll not believe anything, but you'll laugh your head off!!!
There're smexy times, but they were hilarious too!!!
At the end I was laughing until tears were rolling down my cheeks!!!
But, I'm sooooo happy to have read this!!!
I don't know why people were staring at me...
This book is HILARIOUS!!! If you're having a bad day, you MUST read this one - it would do wonders for your mood!!!
There're abduction by praying-mantis aliens for breeding purposes, tin-can stupid robots, dinosaurs, huge blue alien hunks, Smurfs, TMI ... You'll not believe anything, but you'll laugh your head off!!!
There're smexy times, but they were hilarious too!!!
At the end I was laughing until tears were rolling down my cheeks!!!
December 8, 2016
OhMyGod!
Hilarious doesn't even begin to cover how funny this book was!
Total fluff but it's the best piece of fluff I have ever read!
Not even kidding.
An entire separate star for the funny.
I wanted to share why I was rolling on the floor laughing, with my sister and before I knew it, I'd read 4 chapters aloud.
This has never happened before. xD
I mean damn! If all books by Kim Fox are this funny, she is soon gonna become an auto-buy author!
March 11, 2019
Never thought I'd say this, but I am in LOVE with a…
Blue Alien Savior
Blue Chris Hemsworth
The extra from the set of Avatar
A Sexy Blueberry
The Me-Tarzan Hero
Blue Rambo
Super Smurf
Sexy Smurf
Steamy Smurf
Thoughtful Smurf
Blue Berserker
I mean… The Mighty Turic “with eight (YES Eight!!!) perfectly symmetrical shredded/large ab muscles.”
Really... don’t have to think too hard about this one ;)
I loved it!!!!
Sexy-Smurf-George-of-the-Jungle-Avatar like man in
Jurassic Park... it's a thing, and I want more!
Basically...
=>>> Woman gets kidnapped by alien spaceship while at the movies with Best-Friend.
=>>> Woman is told by a cheap tin-like robot that she has been selected to become the love-slave, for breeding purposes, to a mantis like creature before being beheaded and impregnated with his larvae. …nice ;)
=>>> Woman (along with other females) takes over spaceship and crashes onto a nearby planet.
=>>> On said “nearby planet” woman is rescued by Sexy Blue Rambo/Smurf named Turic.
And etc etc etc… Can’t give too much away, but you have a tramp stamp and apartment key to look forward to. ;)
Avery & Turic *sigh*
I freaking loved them! They are the perfect “Me-Tarzan, You-Jane” couple.
And Avery our h… OMG Kim Fox
& Juno Wells
, you know how to write a heroine who can make a reader pee her pants from laughter. I had to bust out the Depends!!!
Don't judge me... She can write some funny $H%T!
“ ‘Boogalooga-moo,’ I answer back with a nod. ‘Goobaloober woober. I told you, I don’t speak fucking alien!’… …‘You misunderstand me,’ I say, my voice racing. You see in my planet Goobaloober woober is the highest compliment there is! It means that you look like a sexy blueberry.’ ”
“ We finally get there and he points to a cave. ‘Cheecha pourten.’ … … ‘No,’ I say, shaking my head. ‘I said Holiday Inn. I spoke to a nice guy named Greg on the phone. He upgraded me to an executive suite for free.’ ”
There are so many more LOL moments to look forward to. I hope you take a chance and give this one a try. It was fabulous. Thank you Umaiya for another fantastic recommendation!!!! Keep on sending them my way ;)
Overall Rating → 5 “Sexy Smurf” STARS
Price is Right? →
Love Triangle? →
Cheating? →
Angst Level: High, Medium, Low →
Heat/Language Level: Rated G, PG, PG-13, R, NC-17 →
HEA →
Page Turner? → YES
Would I recommend? → YES
Would I re-read? → HELL YES!!!!
Would I read more from this author? → MOST DEFINITELY!
If you found this review useful, entertaining, or learned something new, please “like” and comment below. Would love to chat w/ you =D
I mean… The Mighty Turic “with eight (YES Eight!!!) perfectly symmetrical shredded/large ab muscles.”
Really... don’t have to think too hard about this one ;)
I loved it!!!!
Sexy-Smurf-George-of-the-Jungle-Avatar like man in
Jurassic Park... it's a thing, and I want more!
Basically...
=>>> Woman gets kidnapped by alien spaceship while at the movies with Best-Friend.
=>>> Woman is told by a cheap tin-like robot that she has been selected to become the love-slave, for breeding purposes, to a mantis like creature before being beheaded and impregnated with his larvae. …nice ;)
=>>> Woman (along with other females) takes over spaceship and crashes onto a nearby planet.
=>>> On said “nearby planet” woman is rescued by Sexy Blue Rambo/Smurf named Turic.
And etc etc etc… Can’t give too much away, but you have a tramp stamp and apartment key to look forward to. ;)
Avery & Turic *sigh*
I freaking loved them! They are the perfect “Me-Tarzan, You-Jane” couple.
And Avery our h… OMG Kim Fox
& Juno Wells
, you know how to write a heroine who can make a reader pee her pants from laughter. I had to bust out the Depends!!!Don't judge me... She can write some funny $H%T!
“ ‘Boogalooga-moo,’ I answer back with a nod. ‘Goobaloober woober. I told you, I don’t speak fucking alien!’… …‘You misunderstand me,’ I say, my voice racing. You see in my planet Goobaloober woober is the highest compliment there is! It means that you look like a sexy blueberry.’ ”
“ We finally get there and he points to a cave. ‘Cheecha pourten.’ … … ‘No,’ I say, shaking my head. ‘I said Holiday Inn. I spoke to a nice guy named Greg on the phone. He upgraded me to an executive suite for free.’ ”
There are so many more LOL moments to look forward to. I hope you take a chance and give this one a try. It was fabulous. Thank you Umaiya for another fantastic recommendation!!!! Keep on sending them my way ;)
Overall Rating → 5 “Sexy Smurf” STARS
Price is Right? →
Love Triangle? →
Cheating? →
Angst Level: High, Medium, Low →
Heat/Language Level: Rated G, PG, PG-13, R, NC-17 →
HEA →
Page Turner? → YES
Would I recommend? → YES
Would I re-read? → HELL YES!!!!
Would I read more from this author? → MOST DEFINITELY!
If you found this review useful, entertaining, or learned something new, please “like” and comment below. Would love to chat w/ you =D
December 18, 2016
So much fun!
Seriously, this book does not take it self to seriously, but totally delivers on the entertainment factor! I loved it!
Yes it is a blue alien rip off. But that does not mean I cannot love it!
The heroine, Avery, is funny. The dialogue is hilarious. Like when she is cursing and because he cannot understand her, he thinks she is saying sweet and loving things.
It had a story. The sex was hot. The hero was awesome, and the heroine was funny. I am rolling right into the second book.
safety gang
Seriously, this book does not take it self to seriously, but totally delivers on the entertainment factor! I loved it!
Yes it is a blue alien rip off. But that does not mean I cannot love it!
The heroine, Avery, is funny. The dialogue is hilarious. Like when she is cursing and because he cannot understand her, he thinks she is saying sweet and loving things.
It had a story. The sex was hot. The hero was awesome, and the heroine was funny. I am rolling right into the second book.
safety gang
October 28, 2016
I almost dnf'd this as parts felt clunky and so much felt like Ruby Dixon's blue alien barbarian books but then it got better, more original, and it was laugh-out-loud hilarious. I would read a sequel to this without a doubt.
May 22, 2017
Ok so I picked the book up because I am in a Ruby Dixon Ice Barbarian Facebook group and someone posted that this book is a copycat book of the blue alien hotness that is the ice barbarians but I mean it really wasn't. The aliens are blue sure but that's it.. There's only so many colors the aliens can be and green is just tacky and red is scary so blue is the perfect median shade. (did I really just ramble about colors?.. YUP)
Anyways so these women were taken from Earth (again I see the similarities but it's also a pretty popular alien trope) They take over the ship and crash on some random planet and the women get separated. Avery gets snatched up by Turic, our friendly blue alien. They don't speak the same language. And they sleep together pretty much immediately. But that's okay. The book is short and it was surprisingly really funny. Avery named one of the other aliens Cookie Monster and the aliens refer to themselves so he's all "Cookie monster will protect you with his life!" and then I'm falling out of my chair laughing.. Idk why that's so funny but it is. Avery is hilarious.
I will defiantly be reading the next one.
Anyways so these women were taken from Earth (again I see the similarities but it's also a pretty popular alien trope) They take over the ship and crash on some random planet and the women get separated. Avery gets snatched up by Turic, our friendly blue alien. They don't speak the same language. And they sleep together pretty much immediately. But that's okay. The book is short and it was surprisingly really funny. Avery named one of the other aliens Cookie Monster and the aliens refer to themselves so he's all "Cookie monster will protect you with his life!" and then I'm falling out of my chair laughing.. Idk why that's so funny but it is. Avery is hilarious.
I will defiantly be reading the next one.
May 19, 2020
This was funny. I got this a long time ago when it was a freebie from amazon (now it is not but you can still borrow it if you have kindle unlimited) however I stopped reading this because of Ruby Dixon. She made a comment that her work has been copied and I thought this was it. However, after reading this, it doesn't seem like the case but I really don't know.
If you like IPB by Dixon, this is also worth a try. It is definitely funnier and things don't make sense but that is fine as well.
Look what amazing artwork I found to include here - Conan the barbarian
If you like IPB by Dixon, this is also worth a try. It is definitely funnier and things don't make sense but that is fine as well.
Look what amazing artwork I found to include here - Conan the barbarian
December 12, 2019
What hurt this for me the most was the style of writing. As mention in my comments Turic's character spoke in third person. This is a trigger for me...not in a good way. For me it makes the read come off as a joke. I can easily see this is meant to have some light hearted fun moments but having the third person POV really threw me off.
Avery started out strong, sassy, and funny then she slowly slid into silly childish banter. It went from adult humor to almost juvenile humor.
Not for me.
Happy reading! DD
Avery started out strong, sassy, and funny then she slowly slid into silly childish banter. It went from adult humor to almost juvenile humor.
Not for me.
Happy reading! DD
December 13, 2016
Barbarian was a cute, short, ridiculous alien book very similar to another blue planet series but I actually liked this one better. Who wouldn't love a blue alien with a huge penis and an attached vibrator. If I had one complaint about these books and many like it the woman seem to sound so trashy to me. I guess it's the authors trying to be funny but I think I miss that. Anyway already on the next.
December 25, 2016
Super cute and funny sci-fi romance. I enjoyed it.
added-it
July 11, 2018💝FREE on Amazon today (7/11/2018)!💝
April 9, 2020
I have absolutely no idea how to rate this book. It was ridiculous. Beyond silly. The author must have been high writing it. And yet I finished it in one sitting and laughed out loud multiple times. It's every cliché under the sun; it knows it and it's proud of it.
It's got:
*Hunky aliens
*Insta-love (/love before one of the parties is even conscious)
*Giant penises, clit-vibrating appendages and tingling tongues
*Dinosaurs
*Conveniently located meteors
*Sassy robots
Would I recommend this to anyone? No. Would I read the next book? No. Do I regret reading it? I don't think I do. It was a few hours of mindless fun.
It's got:
*Hunky aliens
*Insta-love (/love before one of the parties is even conscious)
*Giant penises, clit-vibrating appendages and tingling tongues
*Dinosaurs
*Conveniently located meteors
*Sassy robots
Would I recommend this to anyone? No. Would I read the next book? No. Do I regret reading it? I don't think I do. It was a few hours of mindless fun.
February 14, 2022
2022 Review
I’ve had this book on the back burner for a reread for quite a while. When I needed a quick reread for a challenge there was no time like the present. Once again I was immediately in this story and fully behind the heroine who is kinda crazy and hilarious. The story is far too short and moves far too fast but that’s only because it’s so good. Avery and her blue man Turic meet & almost immediately get it on (cue the alien sex gods who seem to create men in blue all for a woman’s enjoyment 😍😍). In no time the duo is in love but also dealing with some side issues like there being dinosaurs on the planet. There’s also the matter of a little prophecy that has Turic and his village believing Avery’s 30$ tramp stamp makes her a divine being, also the one whose suppose to effortlessly vanquish all the Dino’s. Something every human woman can do of course lol. Such a great hilarious and completely outlandish read.
2018 Review
I've never been happier to stumble upon a book than I was with this one. For the last two years I've been on a 95% alien reading kick. Somehow I found this gem and I literally recommended it to everyone I know who reads this genre. Word of warning: DO NOT READ THIS AT WORK. This book causes unladylike snorting, laughing and outrageous outbursts that is lacking in so many books. The aliens are blue, the men are hot, buff and totally obsessed. But don't misunderstand, while these may be common traits in may alien fiction works, this book (hell this series) stands out all on it's own and demands to be read. If you like serious and non-funny books, walk away but if not pick this up and perk up your day because you'll be hooked and through all 3 before you know it :)
I’ve had this book on the back burner for a reread for quite a while. When I needed a quick reread for a challenge there was no time like the present. Once again I was immediately in this story and fully behind the heroine who is kinda crazy and hilarious. The story is far too short and moves far too fast but that’s only because it’s so good. Avery and her blue man Turic meet & almost immediately get it on (cue the alien sex gods who seem to create men in blue all for a woman’s enjoyment 😍😍). In no time the duo is in love but also dealing with some side issues like there being dinosaurs on the planet. There’s also the matter of a little prophecy that has Turic and his village believing Avery’s 30$ tramp stamp makes her a divine being, also the one whose suppose to effortlessly vanquish all the Dino’s. Something every human woman can do of course lol. Such a great hilarious and completely outlandish read.
2018 Review
I've never been happier to stumble upon a book than I was with this one. For the last two years I've been on a 95% alien reading kick. Somehow I found this gem and I literally recommended it to everyone I know who reads this genre. Word of warning: DO NOT READ THIS AT WORK. This book causes unladylike snorting, laughing and outrageous outbursts that is lacking in so many books. The aliens are blue, the men are hot, buff and totally obsessed. But don't misunderstand, while these may be common traits in may alien fiction works, this book (hell this series) stands out all on it's own and demands to be read. If you like serious and non-funny books, walk away but if not pick this up and perk up your day because you'll be hooked and through all 3 before you know it :)
July 27, 2019
Silly alien smut. It was slightly funny. Like other reviewers have mentioned, you've got to be able to let go and just enjoy the story. I was able to do that for the most part. Idk something about blue smurf aliens just doesn't do anything for me, but this was certainly entertaining.
February 13, 2019
I picked this book up thanks to my book friend Jilly's review:
Jilly's Review
It was silly, it was funny, it was explicit! Definitely a book meant for adult audiences. The MC was ridiculous and weird. The love interest was a stupid, but really strong man. Add some weird space dinosaurs to it and it made for a hilarious albeit a quick ride.
Jilly's Review
It was silly, it was funny, it was explicit! Definitely a book meant for adult audiences. The MC was ridiculous and weird. The love interest was a stupid, but really strong man. Add some weird space dinosaurs to it and it made for a hilarious albeit a quick ride.
February 24, 2023
2.5 rounded up
This fast past alien abduction romance was a bit too obnoxious for my tastes. The MMC spoke about himself in 3rd person, which honestly made his POV almost impossible to read. The instalove was a bit odd, given the situation. Also, the FMC was sarcastic to the point of being annoying. Like using pop culture references when no one would understand them. I thought the basic premise had potential, and if the authors had stretched out the time line and given more info on both MCs I would have rated higher.
Spice: 2 scenes
Triggers: abduction, death, gore (brief), dubcon
This fast past alien abduction romance was a bit too obnoxious for my tastes. The MMC spoke about himself in 3rd person, which honestly made his POV almost impossible to read. The instalove was a bit odd, given the situation. Also, the FMC was sarcastic to the point of being annoying. Like using pop culture references when no one would understand them. I thought the basic premise had potential, and if the authors had stretched out the time line and given more info on both MCs I would have rated higher.
Spice: 2 scenes
Triggers: abduction, death, gore (brief), dubcon
October 6, 2016
Not good.
I don't know why this got so many five star reviews. Wasn't funny or snarky. Avery was just annoying. Sorry, just my opinion.
I don't know why this got so many five star reviews. Wasn't funny or snarky. Avery was just annoying. Sorry, just my opinion.
December 7, 2016
DNF. Heroine became annoying and irritating.
August 6, 2017
This was an OK read
The idea of the story was good but there wasn't so much depth in it. This was a light read with no real depths in the situation, world building and relationships.
The heroine just get it on with the hero because he gave her great orgasms and she had no one else. She couldn't go back to Earth and all of her family, friends and acquaintances basically all people left on Earth were dead.
They made an awful wrong turn when the planet they landed was the dinosaur planet. Where there are dinosaur who roamed the place freely. There the heroine got saved by the hero when she almost drowned in a river filled fishes equivalent to piranhas.
Not to mention when the people on the dinosaur planet get one look on the tattoo on her back and thought she was the one prophecies as a dragon slayer. All did not go well because of their former chief who wants to hold the power and status among the tribe.
The only character I find intriguing or should I say thing was the robot Tom. I just find it funny when he is in the book. Well I might not find it funny if I were one of the girls.
The idea of the story was good but there wasn't so much depth in it. This was a light read with no real depths in the situation, world building and relationships.
The heroine just get it on with the hero because he gave her great orgasms and she had no one else. She couldn't go back to Earth and all of her family, friends and acquaintances basically all people left on Earth were dead.
They made an awful wrong turn when the planet they landed was the dinosaur planet. Where there are dinosaur who roamed the place freely. There the heroine got saved by the hero when she almost drowned in a river filled fishes equivalent to piranhas.
Not to mention when the people on the dinosaur planet get one look on the tattoo on her back and thought she was the one prophecies as a dragon slayer. All did not go well because of their former chief who wants to hold the power and status among the tribe.
The only character I find intriguing or should I say thing was the robot Tom. I just find it funny when he is in the book. Well I might not find it funny if I were one of the girls.
September 29, 2016
Wonderful read!
Hilarious and sexy all at once, you will laugh and smile throughout this story. Getting kidnapped and taken from earth is not what Avery had planned, she just wanted to watch a movie and have some fun. When she crash lands on an alien planet filled with dinosaurs and is saved by a giant handsome blue alien, she is about fed up with life in general, and just wants to go home. When Turic sees the pink skinned creature he immediately jumps to save it, but when he realizes it is a beautiful exotic looking female he thinks he has gotten lucky and found someone to bear his children. With neither of them able to understand the other, their adventure is not easy, with Avery trying to understand this strange world with man eating things around every corner. Will their journey bring them together in love, or will it end in death and sadness? You will never picture surfs the same again! I was given a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Hilarious and sexy all at once, you will laugh and smile throughout this story. Getting kidnapped and taken from earth is not what Avery had planned, she just wanted to watch a movie and have some fun. When she crash lands on an alien planet filled with dinosaurs and is saved by a giant handsome blue alien, she is about fed up with life in general, and just wants to go home. When Turic sees the pink skinned creature he immediately jumps to save it, but when he realizes it is a beautiful exotic looking female he thinks he has gotten lucky and found someone to bear his children. With neither of them able to understand the other, their adventure is not easy, with Avery trying to understand this strange world with man eating things around every corner. Will their journey bring them together in love, or will it end in death and sadness? You will never picture surfs the same again! I was given a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
March 26, 2017
***SPOILERS***
It took a lot for me to finish this book. I just couldn't get into the story, but as I progressed it just got silly to me. I really didn't like Avery at all. She managed to survive an alien abduction, crash landing out running a dinosaur and she is still bitching and moaning about stuff. She was annoying and Turic just seemed kind of stupid and sex crazed. I kept reading in the hopes that the story got better but it just took a turn for the stupid, IMO, with the "Kaleem" stuff. Why on earth would some big, strong aliens think a "small" human could kill a dinosaur??? That part of the story just ruined it for me and that's saying a lot because I hadn't been enjoying it in the first place.
It took a lot for me to finish this book. I just couldn't get into the story, but as I progressed it just got silly to me. I really didn't like Avery at all. She managed to survive an alien abduction, crash landing out running a dinosaur and she is still bitching and moaning about stuff. She was annoying and Turic just seemed kind of stupid and sex crazed. I kept reading in the hopes that the story got better but it just took a turn for the stupid, IMO, with the "Kaleem" stuff. Why on earth would some big, strong aliens think a "small" human could kill a dinosaur??? That part of the story just ruined it for me and that's saying a lot because I hadn't been enjoying it in the first place.
January 17, 2019
Is hard for me to review this book, I want to give it a solid 4 stars but, I can’t. I can’t because I hate Avery so much, it has been a long time since a heroine has left this bad of a taste in my mouth after a book, she is selfish, spoiled, lazy, manipulative and good for nothing. It makes me think about that the natives of my county when through with Columbus.
And her behavior only gets worse with each book.
And her behavior only gets worse with each book.
October 5, 2016
Just okay
Maybe Ruby Dixon's books have spoiled me; because even though I finished this book, I didn't enjoy it. It was supposed to funny; but it just seemed kind of ridiculous and I just couldn't to connect to Avery. Not sure if I will continue to read more in this series; although I am going to try one of this author's shifter stories to see if it is better than this story.
Maybe Ruby Dixon's books have spoiled me; because even though I finished this book, I didn't enjoy it. It was supposed to funny; but it just seemed kind of ridiculous and I just couldn't to connect to Avery. Not sure if I will continue to read more in this series; although I am going to try one of this author's shifter stories to see if it is better than this story.
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