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Torchwood #9
Almost Perfect
Emma is 30, single and frankly desperate. She woke up this morning with nothing to look forward to but another evening of unsuccessful speed-dating. But now she has a new weapon in her quest for Mr Right. And it's made her almost perfect.
Gwen Cooper woke up this morning expecting the unexpected. As usual. She went to work and found a skeleton at a table for two and a colleague in a surprisingly glamorous dress. Perfect.
Ianto Jones woke up this morning with no memory of last night. He went to work, where he caused amusement, suspicion and a little bit of jealousy. Because Ianto Jones woke up this morning in the body of a woman. And he's looking just about perfect.
And Jack Harkness has always had his doubts about Perfection.
Gwen Cooper woke up this morning expecting the unexpected. As usual. She went to work and found a skeleton at a table for two and a colleague in a surprisingly glamorous dress. Perfect.
Ianto Jones woke up this morning with no memory of last night. He went to work, where he caused amusement, suspicion and a little bit of jealousy. Because Ianto Jones woke up this morning in the body of a woman. And he's looking just about perfect.
And Jack Harkness has always had his doubts about Perfection.
251 pages, Hardback
First published November 20, 2008
16 people are currently reading
777 people want to read
About the author
James Goss
230 books181 followersJames Goss has written two Torchwood novels and a radio play, as well as a Being Human book. His Doctor Who audiobook Dead Air won Best Audiobook 2010. James also spent seven years working on the BBC's official Doctor Who website and co-wrote the website for Torchwood Series One. In 2007, he won the Best Adaptation category in the annual LA Weekly Theatre Awards for his version of Douglas Adams' novel Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 114 reviews
August 10, 2011
I am beginning to think that James Goss might be one of the most horrible sci fi tie-in novelists around, or just novelist, take your pick. The first thing I ever read by Goss was 'Doctor Who: Dead Air' (written in 2010 by the way) and that was God awful (even my mother thought so). So let me give him another try with an earlier Torchwood novel he wrote. Apparently not. There are so many, many things wrong with this novel. It's like where to start?
The chapters have... titles. It's not like Chapter One, Chapter Two. Goss attempts to make witty names for each chapter. It's kind of cute at first but soon it is incredibly annoying. I am literally just going to flip to some random chapters to give you some examples. 'Emma Webster Is About To Be Off The Market Again', 'Captain Jack Has Killed The Wabbit, Killed The Wabbit', 'Helena Carter Is Making Money From The Misery Of Others', 'Ianto Is Just Murder On The Dance Floor', and 'Rhys Is Sunday Shopping With The Missus'.
Speaking of chapters, the average length of each chapter is probably... 2 pages. I'm not joking. And when I say 2 pages I really mean 1 page and a couple sentences. It's so ridiculous. A lot of the chapters are just facebook status updates or lists.
All of the main characters (Jack, Gwen, Ianto, hell even Rhys) are all so out of character. I mean really out of character. If I read this online I would have thought a 14 year old girl on fanfiction.net had written this shit. Gwen is either drunk or jealous over everyone, Jack is actually the only one working, and Ianto who has the body of a woman for the novel literally doesn't have a shred of his original character left in him by the end of the book and his pretty much turned into a self absorbed woman who only thinks about shoes. If you think I am exaggerating... just read this book and you'll discover that I am sadly telling the truth.
I actually wouldn't recommend this to anyone, even fellow Torchwood fans. It's just really bad. I'm actually scared because Goss has written more books in the Doctor Who and Torchwood fandoms and I am afraid of how terrible they are going to be.
The chapters have... titles. It's not like Chapter One, Chapter Two. Goss attempts to make witty names for each chapter. It's kind of cute at first but soon it is incredibly annoying. I am literally just going to flip to some random chapters to give you some examples. 'Emma Webster Is About To Be Off The Market Again', 'Captain Jack Has Killed The Wabbit, Killed The Wabbit', 'Helena Carter Is Making Money From The Misery Of Others', 'Ianto Is Just Murder On The Dance Floor', and 'Rhys Is Sunday Shopping With The Missus'.
Speaking of chapters, the average length of each chapter is probably... 2 pages. I'm not joking. And when I say 2 pages I really mean 1 page and a couple sentences. It's so ridiculous. A lot of the chapters are just facebook status updates or lists.
All of the main characters (Jack, Gwen, Ianto, hell even Rhys) are all so out of character. I mean really out of character. If I read this online I would have thought a 14 year old girl on fanfiction.net had written this shit. Gwen is either drunk or jealous over everyone, Jack is actually the only one working, and Ianto who has the body of a woman for the novel literally doesn't have a shred of his original character left in him by the end of the book and his pretty much turned into a self absorbed woman who only thinks about shoes. If you think I am exaggerating... just read this book and you'll discover that I am sadly telling the truth.
I actually wouldn't recommend this to anyone, even fellow Torchwood fans. It's just really bad. I'm actually scared because Goss has written more books in the Doctor Who and Torchwood fandoms and I am afraid of how terrible they are going to be.
December 18, 2008
Eh, I know it's tv-related fiction but seriously! Is it really supposed to read like bad fan fiction? Perhaps I just didn't like the author's style and the chapter titles were pretty lame. I always get confused with canon and fanon. But I think I can see the difference with this book. The character voices were all wrong and when you based a novel on something, the fans read it because they enjoy certain things - like the characterizations. Mess with that and then you suddenly mess with a story and it becomes less desirable a read. I've read other reviews praising how wonderful this book is...etc. But to be honest, I enjoy when a writer captures the spirit, tone and voice that originally drew me in.
A big hint that I wasn't enjoying the book as much as I had other was the fact that these books are quick reads and usually take me a day or two at the most to finish. This one has taken me almost two weeks because I just couldn't get into it.
If you're a Torchwood fan (especially of Ianto), you may like it. But some of the other books in the series were personally a better read and you may want to read those first in case you end up disappointed.
A big hint that I wasn't enjoying the book as much as I had other was the fact that these books are quick reads and usually take me a day or two at the most to finish. This one has taken me almost two weeks because I just couldn't get into it.
If you're a Torchwood fan (especially of Ianto), you may like it. But some of the other books in the series were personally a better read and you may want to read those first in case you end up disappointed.
February 26, 2009
I don't think I've ever read anything so obviously crack-ish in my life. How this even got published I have no idea, but it was awesome. The villains are gods who come to Cardiff to save the gay scene from mullets - WHAT? Also featured awesome chapter titles such as "Ianto can ride a horse across a beach without fear or shame".
September 3, 2010
OMG. Captain Jack being himself, Ianto Jones transformed into the ‘perfect’ woman, Captain Jack, lots of gay sex, and (did I mention?) Captain Jack. If you’re even a casual watcher of Torchwood, then you have to pick this book up! I stumbled across it in a bookstore one weekend, then ignored everyone and everything around me as I devoured most of it on the train ride home.
As the book begins, we learn that Ianto Jones has awakened with a gap in his memory, no clothes, and the body of a ‘perfect’ woman. Thanks to the alien device responsible (no spoiler here - this is Torchwood, after all), he is physically perfect. Mentally and emotionally, however, he is still the same shy, awkward, loveable young man he’s always been. He has to learn how to walk, how to dress, how to talk, and how to respond to the opposite sex. His struggles and grudging acceptance of the situation are beautifully handled, complete with generous doses of humour and sweetness.
Meanwhile, single men are disappearing from speed-dating nights all over town, victim of another ‘perfect’ woman. How she became so perfect, and what’s happening to her unfortunate dates, is all inextricably linked to Ianto’s situation – if only he could remember his last night as a man.
On top of all this, the solution to all of Cardiff’s problems involves Captain Jack literally diving into the gay community, which itself has become strangely ‘perfect’ over the past year. I won’t go into too much detail here, but the scenes at the gay dance club are absolutely priceless. The ending gets a little dark, but Torchwood is all about the interplay between light and dark, good and evil, hope and despair.
Well-written and thoroughly entertaining, this is not only a book that lives up to its promise, it’s a book that lives up to its inspiration. James Goss completely captures the tone and spirit of the TV show, and I cannot wait to see what he does next. Absolutely recommended!
As the book begins, we learn that Ianto Jones has awakened with a gap in his memory, no clothes, and the body of a ‘perfect’ woman. Thanks to the alien device responsible (no spoiler here - this is Torchwood, after all), he is physically perfect. Mentally and emotionally, however, he is still the same shy, awkward, loveable young man he’s always been. He has to learn how to walk, how to dress, how to talk, and how to respond to the opposite sex. His struggles and grudging acceptance of the situation are beautifully handled, complete with generous doses of humour and sweetness.
Meanwhile, single men are disappearing from speed-dating nights all over town, victim of another ‘perfect’ woman. How she became so perfect, and what’s happening to her unfortunate dates, is all inextricably linked to Ianto’s situation – if only he could remember his last night as a man.
On top of all this, the solution to all of Cardiff’s problems involves Captain Jack literally diving into the gay community, which itself has become strangely ‘perfect’ over the past year. I won’t go into too much detail here, but the scenes at the gay dance club are absolutely priceless. The ending gets a little dark, but Torchwood is all about the interplay between light and dark, good and evil, hope and despair.
Well-written and thoroughly entertaining, this is not only a book that lives up to its promise, it’s a book that lives up to its inspiration. James Goss completely captures the tone and spirit of the TV show, and I cannot wait to see what he does next. Absolutely recommended!
January 23, 2009
I was initially not too interested in the unique style (odd chapter lengths from one sentence to several pages, odd chapter titles, lots of changing POVs, lots of tense changes), but it did manage to suck me in. I liked Emma, somewhat, and definitely sympathized with her. I liked that Tosh and Owen weren't forgotten. I liked Gwen and Rhys, for the most part. And in the end, I liked the odd chapter titles.
I think I wish this book had actually been written by a woman. Ianto started out quite interesting and went downhill fast. I can't tell if the author thinks that's what women are like (although Gwen wasn't, but the comparisons were constantly drawn) or if he thinks that's what women who look like that automatically become, or if the change was due to the body itself. Because Ianto's personality definitely changed and I don't think that was addressed.
There were lots of funny lines, though, and Jack and Ianto's relationship was pretty damn interesting to see. It just wasn't quite all it could have been, for me. I think I'd probably give it 3.5 stars.
Originally: Oh, man. Look! Only Jack, Gwen and Ianto. I couldn't remember why and then....yes. Sigh. That will be quite a different read. :(
eta: OMG, the summary! LOL Perhaps Ianto will be glad Owen isn't there??
I think I wish this book had actually been written by a woman. Ianto started out quite interesting and went downhill fast. I can't tell if the author thinks that's what women are like (although Gwen wasn't, but the comparisons were constantly drawn) or if he thinks that's what women who look like that automatically become, or if the change was due to the body itself. Because Ianto's personality definitely changed and I don't think that was addressed.
There were lots of funny lines, though, and Jack and Ianto's relationship was pretty damn interesting to see. It just wasn't quite all it could have been, for me. I think I'd probably give it 3.5 stars.
Originally: Oh, man. Look! Only Jack, Gwen and Ianto. I couldn't remember why and then....yes. Sigh. That will be quite a different read. :(
eta: OMG, the summary! LOL Perhaps Ianto will be glad Owen isn't there??
September 10, 2009
You expect something a little better than substandard fanfiction as part of official merchandise. In fact, there is better fanfiction on the net than this book. It seems to have taken some of the crackier tropes of the fanfiction genre ("Hey! Ianto wakes up as a woman!") and pushes it to the limit. But that's not actually the worst part of the book - it's the fact that the characterisations seem really off. The only part I can recommend is that Owen and Tosh are still nicely remembered, and shown to be part of the Torchwood team, and sorely missed.
October 24, 2019
2.5/5
I quite enjoyed the first 30% of the book but the further it went, the more the characterization of Jack, Ianto, and Gwen was getting wonky for me and that was spoiling my overall enjoyment. The main plot with gotta-find-the-alien-artifact-causing-chaos was okay, very Torchwoody, but not mind-blowing. Moreover, it was very evident that this was written by a man in the scenes with the point of view of woman Ianto – my exasperation of how his behavior and attitude were painfully stereotypical was growing as the novel went and by the end I just couldn't wait for it to end just so I don't need to read the bizarre and forced logic behind Ianto battling alien phenomena in high hills and short skirts. Overall, I don't regret reading this novel but I'm disappointed I didn't enjoy it more as a whole since the first chapters seemed to promise more.
I quite enjoyed the first 30% of the book but the further it went, the more the characterization of Jack, Ianto, and Gwen was getting wonky for me and that was spoiling my overall enjoyment. The main plot with gotta-find-the-alien-artifact-causing-chaos was okay, very Torchwoody, but not mind-blowing. Moreover, it was very evident that this was written by a man in the scenes with the point of view of woman Ianto – my exasperation of how his behavior and attitude were painfully stereotypical was growing as the novel went and by the end I just couldn't wait for it to end just so I don't need to read the bizarre and forced logic behind Ianto battling alien phenomena in high hills and short skirts. Overall, I don't regret reading this novel but I'm disappointed I didn't enjoy it more as a whole since the first chapters seemed to promise more.
December 5, 2017
I'm giving this book 4 stars, but it could be closer to 3.5 - the characterization in the beginning seemed slightly off, though they were better in the last 1/3. And, I don't know, the story was just a bit odd. A good idea, but possibly not executed as well as it could have been? I know James Goss has done a lot of great stories for Torchwood (and I think maybe Doctor Who as well?) but this one was a little rough, maybe one of his earlier works? I know from experience that not every story is going to work perfectly. It's a good, easy read and had some fun moments.
April 14, 2024
Quite a bizarre read: Ianto as a woman; A rushed and unimaginative ending; Strange chapter titles; Cheryl Cole’s voice controlling a woman (Yes, really). Felt at times like a poorly written fan fiction and also like the writer simply wanted a ‘Ianto is a woman’ story and then forced the plot around it. Gave it three stars as two seemed harsh. Laughed out loud at Gwen and Rhys speed dating though!
December 28, 2023
My favourite Dr Who related piece of media. A complete comedy, ridiculous through and through, but written so brilliantly that you are magnetised by the book. Honestly, it is the easiest thing I’ve ever read, I just flew through the pages, and before I knew it, I was over halfway through it. Only a Jack, Gwen, and Ianto story it really has more time and space to flesh out the villain, the supporting characters, and the Torchwood team. I don’t necessarily like Gwen but all the stuff with her, Emma, and Rhys was hilarious. I love Jack’s ridiculous investigation, and Ianto being startled at now having breasts.
James worries too much. A story about ianto acclimatising to suddenly being a woman. Obviously lots of allusions to the subject of being transgender, but even though this was written in a time when being LGBT wasn’t treated well, the subject is handled really well. There’s no cheap shots or stupid jokes, plus the actual explanation for it, and the alien reasons make it a really well-done plot theme. 11 years later, this book does not come across like some of those horrible and offensive depictions of being trans like in the I.T. Crowd for example.
One thing I think this book does better than any is the explanation. Normally you get a dull, pointless answer to all the great things that have happened in the story which just makes them less great in hindsight. In this story however the bits of the cruise, the medical treatments, the Gods, and especially all the bits at the end with the wall of people (and a naked Jack) with the Gods returning are the most brilliant bits of writing. This story also includes my favourite line in Torchwood to date, from Gwen ‘Jack, when are you going to realise you can’t solve every problem by shagging it’.
I never like to spoil the best of the best as I believe they should be dove into without too many expectations but this book does not disappoint. It is stellar. Fun. Silly. Dark in places. Just amazing. If you pick up any of the Torchwood novels, it has to be this one!
James worries too much. A story about ianto acclimatising to suddenly being a woman. Obviously lots of allusions to the subject of being transgender, but even though this was written in a time when being LGBT wasn’t treated well, the subject is handled really well. There’s no cheap shots or stupid jokes, plus the actual explanation for it, and the alien reasons make it a really well-done plot theme. 11 years later, this book does not come across like some of those horrible and offensive depictions of being trans like in the I.T. Crowd for example.
One thing I think this book does better than any is the explanation. Normally you get a dull, pointless answer to all the great things that have happened in the story which just makes them less great in hindsight. In this story however the bits of the cruise, the medical treatments, the Gods, and especially all the bits at the end with the wall of people (and a naked Jack) with the Gods returning are the most brilliant bits of writing. This story also includes my favourite line in Torchwood to date, from Gwen ‘Jack, when are you going to realise you can’t solve every problem by shagging it’.
I never like to spoil the best of the best as I believe they should be dove into without too many expectations but this book does not disappoint. It is stellar. Fun. Silly. Dark in places. Just amazing. If you pick up any of the Torchwood novels, it has to be this one!
March 18, 2012
I'm not going to lie and say it was the best Torchwood novel that I've read, because it isn't, but it's not completely unpalatable. Yes, Ianto's characterization is woeful but the plot is unique and kind of funny.
It reads a little bit like a sketchy fanfiction at times and the constant switching of POVs got very annoying very fast. I also wish that the book had delved a little deeper than skin level with Ianto's character, perhaps realistically working out how he'd react to suddenly being a women rather than have him fixate on shoes and what colours suit his complexion.
On the whole the novel had so much potential but fell flat where it counted. A decent read if you've got nothing else to do and are up for a laugh but otherwise best left alone.
_
It reads a little bit like a sketchy fanfiction at times and the constant switching of POVs got very annoying very fast. I also wish that the book had delved a little deeper than skin level with Ianto's character, perhaps realistically working out how he'd react to suddenly being a women rather than have him fixate on shoes and what colours suit his complexion.
On the whole the novel had so much potential but fell flat where it counted. A decent read if you've got nothing else to do and are up for a laugh but otherwise best left alone.
_
March 3, 2009
I unashamedly loved this book, which is saying something given that it's set post-season-2 and therefore does not feature my two favorite Torchwood characters. It's laugh-out-loud funny, and makes very clever use of the Facebook-status gimmick (a much more effective nod to current technology trends than the "Second Reality" business in Another Life), even managing to make it subtly creepy at one point.
Yes, the plot concept reads like crack fanfiction, but that's all part of the fun. Don't expect anything too deep or meaningful (as if you would from a tie-in novel), but as a light, goofy diversion, it's... well, almost perfect.
Yes, the plot concept reads like crack fanfiction, but that's all part of the fun. Don't expect anything too deep or meaningful (as if you would from a tie-in novel), but as a light, goofy diversion, it's... well, almost perfect.
April 3, 2012
This book quickly delved into bad fanfiction territory. The writing was so-so, the characterisations were off, bite-sized story lines, and by the end of it it had turned into gay stereotypes. The overall plot was promising, but when the author only played with the characters on the shallow end of the pool and didn’t delve into the deep end to give us a better insight into the characters and story, it failed the potential it had.
The only redeeming factor for this book was despite the fact that Ianto suddenly found himself in a woman’s body, the narrative pronouns did not change in regards to him — as so many other stories tend to do on the same subject matter.
The only redeeming factor for this book was despite the fact that Ianto suddenly found himself in a woman’s body, the narrative pronouns did not change in regards to him — as so many other stories tend to do on the same subject matter.
November 28, 2014
I have been looking for this book for a few years and after finally finding it IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT.
Definitely one of the top Torchwood novels! The Perfection's meat rooms were creepy, but Ianto being turned into a women was brilliant. Some of the ideas are confusing, like I'm still not 100% sure what the Perfection actually wanted to do, but it wasn't a significant loss. Also the set out of the novel itself and the chapter titles? So good! "Five Rare Times That Ianto Swears" and all.
Definitely one of the top Torchwood novels! The Perfection's meat rooms were creepy, but Ianto being turned into a women was brilliant. Some of the ideas are confusing, like I'm still not 100% sure what the Perfection actually wanted to do, but it wasn't a significant loss. Also the set out of the novel itself and the chapter titles? So good! "Five Rare Times That Ianto Swears" and all.
June 3, 2019
Great story
I loved this story, it had everything. Humor, aliens, God’s, wishes and rolled into a lovely story, the premise is that something alien makes your wishes come true. But something happened to Ianto in the process he became a woman. Is it connected? You’ll have to read for yourself. It is a must read for torchwood fans and even if your not you’ll still love it.
I loved this story, it had everything. Humor, aliens, God’s, wishes and rolled into a lovely story, the premise is that something alien makes your wishes come true. But something happened to Ianto in the process he became a woman. Is it connected? You’ll have to read for yourself. It is a must read for torchwood fans and even if your not you’ll still love it.
January 3, 2020
Quick easy read and actually pretty damn funny considering it’s Torchwood, a series known for not being the lightest series of TV or books.
Got through it a lot quicker than expected and enjoyed this one even though I felt like it was about 30 pages too long. Could have easily cut some stuff out without losing the important plot points.
Got through it a lot quicker than expected and enjoyed this one even though I felt like it was about 30 pages too long. Could have easily cut some stuff out without losing the important plot points.
December 27, 2008
At least there was lots of Ianto. The Facebook update conceit was interesting at first but it went on too long for me. Otherwise, it was an interesting mystery, and it did good at dealing with the post S2 trauma and loss. Good. But the fanfic out there is better. Step it up.
July 15, 2018
My favourite official Torchwood novel of all time. A very intriguing plot and a satisfying conclusion.
January 14, 2020
I found this a strange yet hilarious story, ell written and captures the characters perfectly!
August 21, 2023
3.5/5 stars.
This was the second book I have read in the BBC Torchwood collection, and I have to say, it's not been my favourite. The book features Ianto Jones waking up one morning as a woman, with no previous memories of how this happened. The plot was very well should I say crackish? If I was rating this book based on enjoyability it would earn a solid 5 stars from me, but based on quality and some content? Me thinks not. I think the idea behind the story is solid but the way it's been written is very much not it, although having a whole book focused mostly on Ianto is a lovely change of scenery. I could very much tell this book was written by a man who definitely has no idea how to write women, and I felt at times the catcalling was being sexualised and the way Ianto was acting as a woman was very stereotypical. The chapter names where very much horrific to read and had me severely questioning my life choices at times, such as: Jack is softly, softly catchee monkey. like excuse me? Also Jack felt very much unbothered over the fact Ianto was now a woman and seemed to be mainly focused on sleeping with him, or should I say her? The Gods felt like a fever dream if I'm being honest, but I loved it so much (like I said a very crackish book). I also did not enjoy the whole Rhys cheating plot, like I understand it was because he was under Emma's command, but like? It felt so unnecessary. Other then all that there where a few highlights to this book, it had a solid story line, and well written characters such as Jack (which felt like a fairly accurate portrayal of the character). This was a very entertaining book, which I will be rereading at some point. I also really enjoyed Ianto trying to find his style with Gwen's help. Overall, once you get past the major flaws of this book it is definitely worth the read!!!
(I also really love how Ianto's voice in his head is Jack's as it shows how jack is the person Ianto loves and trusts the most, however, the voice in Jack's head is the doctor, which shows how Jack will never love Ianto as much as Ianto loves him :( )
Also the Janto angst is absolutely making me unwell, because Jack telling Ianto he loves him and Ianto telling him not to use that word just broke my heart so thx for that. NOT.
Ianto leaned in, quietly. 'I'm only a woman for one more night, you know.' Jack grinned broadly. 'Then lets make the most of it..'
This was the second book I have read in the BBC Torchwood collection, and I have to say, it's not been my favourite. The book features Ianto Jones waking up one morning as a woman, with no previous memories of how this happened. The plot was very well should I say crackish? If I was rating this book based on enjoyability it would earn a solid 5 stars from me, but based on quality and some content? Me thinks not. I think the idea behind the story is solid but the way it's been written is very much not it, although having a whole book focused mostly on Ianto is a lovely change of scenery. I could very much tell this book was written by a man who definitely has no idea how to write women, and I felt at times the catcalling was being sexualised and the way Ianto was acting as a woman was very stereotypical. The chapter names where very much horrific to read and had me severely questioning my life choices at times, such as: Jack is softly, softly catchee monkey. like excuse me? Also Jack felt very much unbothered over the fact Ianto was now a woman and seemed to be mainly focused on sleeping with him, or should I say her? The Gods felt like a fever dream if I'm being honest, but I loved it so much (like I said a very crackish book). I also did not enjoy the whole Rhys cheating plot, like I understand it was because he was under Emma's command, but like? It felt so unnecessary. Other then all that there where a few highlights to this book, it had a solid story line, and well written characters such as Jack (which felt like a fairly accurate portrayal of the character). This was a very entertaining book, which I will be rereading at some point. I also really enjoyed Ianto trying to find his style with Gwen's help. Overall, once you get past the major flaws of this book it is definitely worth the read!!!
(I also really love how Ianto's voice in his head is Jack's as it shows how jack is the person Ianto loves and trusts the most, however, the voice in Jack's head is the doctor, which shows how Jack will never love Ianto as much as Ianto loves him :( )
Also the Janto angst is absolutely making me unwell, because Jack telling Ianto he loves him and Ianto telling him not to use that word just broke my heart so thx for that. NOT.
Ianto leaned in, quietly. 'I'm only a woman for one more night, you know.' Jack grinned broadly. 'Then lets make the most of it..'
July 8, 2021
I really stopped enjoying this book in the final hundred pages. The start was amusing in a crack!fic kind of way, but the more the story progressed the more it lost me.
Characterisation is insanely off. Ianto has been turned into a woman and he's more concerned about clothing and the shoes he's wearing, not behaving at all like his body has suddenly gone through a massive change. And whether its temporary or not, suddenly switching genders overnight is a huge change for the body to go through. Never mind the mental ramifications also! Everyone is so blasé about it, it just didn't feel right.
I sometimes wonder if anyone who wrote for Torchwood knew what they were doing in relation to Jack and Ianto's relationship. If they were exclusive, why were they being unfaithful to one another (Ianto snogging Patrick and Jack drooling over Jon and Bren) and if they weren't exclusive then what was all the guff about Ianto loving Jack at the end? I don't understand what the angle is, and it's a consistent problem not just in these books but in the show as well. Jack is a flirt, sure, but I just don't buy this idea that he would treat someone he's in a relationship with like he seems to do in these books.
The only person who felt right was Gwen because I 100% believe she would be that much of a bitch if someone prettier than her started working at Torchwood Cardiff.
I actually enjoyed reading the flashback of Ianto on the boat. I think that's where most of my two stars comes from. It felt like reading a proper Torchwood investigation, trying to get to the bottom of alien anomalies without knowing entirely were to begin.
As for the chapter titles, I wasn't entirely a fan. I thought the first one was funny but when it became clear that it was going to be a running theme throughout the whole book I switched off of it fast. Some of the titles didn't even make sense but that could be because I was too dense to understand it.
There are probably fanfictions that have handled this plot point better than James Goss. Which is a shame considering fanfiction gets such a bad reputation while this is literally something you would find slap bang in the middle of the Torchwood entries on AO3.
Characterisation is insanely off. Ianto has been turned into a woman and he's more concerned about clothing and the shoes he's wearing, not behaving at all like his body has suddenly gone through a massive change. And whether its temporary or not, suddenly switching genders overnight is a huge change for the body to go through. Never mind the mental ramifications also! Everyone is so blasé about it, it just didn't feel right.
I sometimes wonder if anyone who wrote for Torchwood knew what they were doing in relation to Jack and Ianto's relationship. If they were exclusive, why were they being unfaithful to one another (Ianto snogging Patrick and Jack drooling over Jon and Bren) and if they weren't exclusive then what was all the guff about Ianto loving Jack at the end? I don't understand what the angle is, and it's a consistent problem not just in these books but in the show as well. Jack is a flirt, sure, but I just don't buy this idea that he would treat someone he's in a relationship with like he seems to do in these books.
The only person who felt right was Gwen because I 100% believe she would be that much of a bitch if someone prettier than her started working at Torchwood Cardiff.
I actually enjoyed reading the flashback of Ianto on the boat. I think that's where most of my two stars comes from. It felt like reading a proper Torchwood investigation, trying to get to the bottom of alien anomalies without knowing entirely were to begin.
As for the chapter titles, I wasn't entirely a fan. I thought the first one was funny but when it became clear that it was going to be a running theme throughout the whole book I switched off of it fast. Some of the titles didn't even make sense but that could be because I was too dense to understand it.
There are probably fanfictions that have handled this plot point better than James Goss. Which is a shame considering fanfiction gets such a bad reputation while this is literally something you would find slap bang in the middle of the Torchwood entries on AO3.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 23, 2025
“So, apart from mysteriously vanishing women, someone is taking men, making them physically perfect, then killing them?”
“Don’t forget about sending the odd one back through time.”
This is the first book after Tosh and Owen. 💀 It’s…really hard, reading this without them. They are missed terribly.
Emma Webster, 30, finds a mysterious piece of alien tech on the beach.
The machine promises to change Emma’s life—and give her everything she wants.
Ianto Jones wakes up as a woman.
Paradox. Static electricity. So much weirdness in this installment.
Short and fast chapter style is a choice. Big departure from previous works.
Speed dating is a lure.
Rhys taking a larger role is not the most compelling move, but the author is clearly limited by Russell Davies’ maniacal narrative decisions in the series.
More focus on Ianto’s struggles in a foreign, female body would be far more poignant.
The secret ferry boat, promising the cures.
Ross and Christine Kielty.
Ianto with Patrick Matthews is cute. 🥰
Fascinating alien tech—and menacing.
Some of the coolest aliens yet.
Brendan and Jon. The Perfection.
The Temple club.
Funny at times; a bit zany at others. Still, reliably, Torchwood.
Really excellent ending. The final third of the novel is fantastic—too bad it takes so long to find its mark.
“It let us answer their prayers. It kept us perfect.”
“Don’t forget about sending the odd one back through time.”
This is the first book after Tosh and Owen. 💀 It’s…really hard, reading this without them. They are missed terribly.
Emma Webster, 30, finds a mysterious piece of alien tech on the beach.
The machine promises to change Emma’s life—and give her everything she wants.
Ianto Jones wakes up as a woman.
Paradox. Static electricity. So much weirdness in this installment.
Short and fast chapter style is a choice. Big departure from previous works.
Speed dating is a lure.
Rhys taking a larger role is not the most compelling move, but the author is clearly limited by Russell Davies’ maniacal narrative decisions in the series.
More focus on Ianto’s struggles in a foreign, female body would be far more poignant.
The secret ferry boat, promising the cures.
Ross and Christine Kielty.
Ianto with Patrick Matthews is cute. 🥰
Fascinating alien tech—and menacing.
Some of the coolest aliens yet.
Brendan and Jon. The Perfection.
The Temple club.
Funny at times; a bit zany at others. Still, reliably, Torchwood.
Really excellent ending. The final third of the novel is fantastic—too bad it takes so long to find its mark.
“It let us answer their prayers. It kept us perfect.”
October 23, 2020
A Torchwood novel where something major happens to Ianto. I was excited! Written by James Goss - THE James Goss who authored House of the Dead, one of the most amazing, devastating and sensitive Torchwood audio dramas out there. Unfortunately, this was one of his earlier books and... well. It was a bit different...
The writing style is chaotic, jumping between different bits of the action, often out of sequence. Some chapters are super-short and choppy. Each chapter has a heading that, often, is more useful than the content. Others are just a bit confusing.
The premise, that a few people are turning up out of time, others are suddenly becoming perfect, and that Ianto has somehow been turned into a woman, could have been really intriguing. Instead it felt like it was played for laughs, with very weak and inconsistent characterisation of all the main actors. The portrayal of virtually all the women in the story is... appalling. They're basically shallow, bitchy caricatures who only care about clothes, looks and pulling, while Jack will instantly forget anything and everything, in favour of sex, the second anyone even looks at him - with almost no other notes to his character.
The story just about holds together, and there are a couple of really nice, genuine scenes that get it right, but it's really not one of the best.
The writing style is chaotic, jumping between different bits of the action, often out of sequence. Some chapters are super-short and choppy. Each chapter has a heading that, often, is more useful than the content. Others are just a bit confusing.
The premise, that a few people are turning up out of time, others are suddenly becoming perfect, and that Ianto has somehow been turned into a woman, could have been really intriguing. Instead it felt like it was played for laughs, with very weak and inconsistent characterisation of all the main actors. The portrayal of virtually all the women in the story is... appalling. They're basically shallow, bitchy caricatures who only care about clothes, looks and pulling, while Jack will instantly forget anything and everything, in favour of sex, the second anyone even looks at him - with almost no other notes to his character.
The story just about holds together, and there are a couple of really nice, genuine scenes that get it right, but it's really not one of the best.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 3, 2022
What the hell just happened? I have a really big problem how to rate this book. I love James Goss and his writing. And this was one was no exception - almost. I loved the crazy structure, the fun titles, the odd chapter lengths, the crazy story that felt like a trip. The story about Emma, the device, the ferry, the gay club. Maybe lots of stuff didn't add up but it was so much fun to read. I would give it five starss just because I found it really imaginative.
BUT then we also have Ianto turned into a woman... and that wasn't done very well. Not sure if it COULD have been done well, but at least I would have loved some depths to it. Ianto seems to just roll with it aside from the occasional uncomfy shoes. Jack also. It takes place between S2 and S3, the relationship should be further developed than just the occasional shag and there is nothing here. Maybe a female writer would have been better? Not sure about it. Because it IS a man turned into a woman. Maybe a male writer, concentrating/researching more about this aspect of the story and not treating it just like a gimmick. Definitely lots of missed opportunities here.
BUT then we also have Ianto turned into a woman... and that wasn't done very well. Not sure if it COULD have been done well, but at least I would have loved some depths to it. Ianto seems to just roll with it aside from the occasional uncomfy shoes. Jack also. It takes place between S2 and S3, the relationship should be further developed than just the occasional shag and there is nothing here. Maybe a female writer would have been better? Not sure about it. Because it IS a man turned into a woman. Maybe a male writer, concentrating/researching more about this aspect of the story and not treating it just like a gimmick. Definitely lots of missed opportunities here.
January 6, 2025
The women in this book are all mean. Even Gwen has mean thoughts about other women, which was out of character. Also, when Ianto has a female body he feels the need to dress in short skirts and heels in spite of the fact that those items of dress are constantly inconvenient for him.
The third act of the book was a whiplash. The entire book sets up one antagonist and then the third act introduces two more who had zero foreshadowing. The new characters were interesting but they came out of nowhere.
There was a fair amount of in-character banter and I always love seeing Rhys have a larger part in a story. I appreciated the way Owen and Tosh were often present in memory in this book.
I read this story very quickly. Even with the sexism I was enjoying it quite a lot up until the third act.
The third act of the book was a whiplash. The entire book sets up one antagonist and then the third act introduces two more who had zero foreshadowing. The new characters were interesting but they came out of nowhere.
There was a fair amount of in-character banter and I always love seeing Rhys have a larger part in a story. I appreciated the way Owen and Tosh were often present in memory in this book.
I read this story very quickly. Even with the sexism I was enjoying it quite a lot up until the third act.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 4, 2020
This is the weakest story so far. The idea was interesting enough but I don't think it went in the right direction. The worst part for me was Ianto Jones who had some characterization issues, sometimes acting normally and sometimes being so out of character I couldn't hear his voice at all.
There are a lot of inconsistencies with the plot as well, characters are badly introduced to the story, some are useless and yet take a lot of focus (like Patrick for example).
I'm really disappointed with this story and all the things I wanted to see and didn't get. Also I'm pretty sure that at this point of the story Jack and Ianto are already in a relationship and I don't see why Ianto would snogg a random dude in an alleyway.
There are a lot of inconsistencies with the plot as well, characters are badly introduced to the story, some are useless and yet take a lot of focus (like Patrick for example).
I'm really disappointed with this story and all the things I wanted to see and didn't get. Also I'm pretty sure that at this point of the story Jack and Ianto are already in a relationship and I don't see why Ianto would snogg a random dude in an alleyway.
July 4, 2019
While not the most eloquently written book I’ve ever read, Almost Perfect is funny, charming, and wildly entertaining. Perhaps the greatest twist of all was it made me like Gwen after years of only begrudgingly tolerating her presence. Additionally, Gwen and Rhys’ relationship is displayed as a loving and strong, instead of just an obstacle that keeps her from pursuing Jack. The same goes for her friendship with Ianto. And, obviously, my baby Ianto is always a delight, but this story explores his character outside of his tragic past and complicated relationship with Jack. Not to mention all of the chapter titles are bomb.
August 21, 2020
This was... crazy?
Firstly, the plot. Insane. Without giving any spoilers, the gays will like this book.
Secondly, the chapter titles are hilarious - some of my personal favourites are:
'Gwen and Ianto get a shopping montage'
'Gwen is wearing corpse'
'Ianto can ride a horse across a beach without fear or shame'
'The strange alien device is plotting to take over Jeremy Kyle after this'
'Jack is softly, softly, catchee monkey'
'Mozart is sponsored by Cholestria'
'Ianto knows the true value of a nugget'
'Eric doesn't feel like dancing, no sir, no dancing today'
'Madonna is a gay icon for beginners'
Basically what I'm trying to say is that you should definitely read this book.
Firstly, the plot. Insane. Without giving any spoilers, the gays will like this book.
Secondly, the chapter titles are hilarious - some of my personal favourites are:
'Gwen and Ianto get a shopping montage'
'Gwen is wearing corpse'
'Ianto can ride a horse across a beach without fear or shame'
'The strange alien device is plotting to take over Jeremy Kyle after this'
'Jack is softly, softly, catchee monkey'
'Mozart is sponsored by Cholestria'
'Ianto knows the true value of a nugget'
'Eric doesn't feel like dancing, no sir, no dancing today'
'Madonna is a gay icon for beginners'
Basically what I'm trying to say is that you should definitely read this book.
February 7, 2025
⭐️✨
It’s Torchwood, so it did end up having some fun moments here and there, but, overall, I wasn’t a fan; in fact, I seriously considered putting it down several times. While I don’t have the highest expectations when going into this kind of book, I have to say that the author is simply not a good writer both in general and when it comes to anything remotely related to women in particular. Additionally, the protagonists often seemed out of character. Setting that aside, I would also like to mention that I enjoyed how ridiculously short the chapters were; it made the book very readable, which is great if you’re trying to avoid or get out of a reading slump.
It’s Torchwood, so it did end up having some fun moments here and there, but, overall, I wasn’t a fan; in fact, I seriously considered putting it down several times. While I don’t have the highest expectations when going into this kind of book, I have to say that the author is simply not a good writer both in general and when it comes to anything remotely related to women in particular. Additionally, the protagonists often seemed out of character. Setting that aside, I would also like to mention that I enjoyed how ridiculously short the chapters were; it made the book very readable, which is great if you’re trying to avoid or get out of a reading slump.
March 19, 2024
It was an alright book. I'm personally in the camp where I found the chapter titles charming and I do like the brief exploration of hw women tended to be treated more poorly and sexualised than men, but I felt that Woman!Ianto's protrayal was very stereotypical, like him gaining and obsession with cleaning and Weightwatchers.
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