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Knights in Training: Ten Principles for Raising Honorable, Courageous, and Compassionate Boys
Bringing chivalry back into our modern-day world, this book shows us how to inspire today's generation of young boys to pursue honor, courage, and compassion.
In an age when respect and honor seem like distant and antiquated relics, how can we equip boys to pursue valor and courageously put the needs of others before their own? This book helps parents to inspire their boys by captivating their imagination and honoring their love for adventure. Heather Haupt explores how knights historically lived out various aspects of the knights' Code of Chivalry, as depicted in the French epic Song of Roland , and how boys can embody these same ideals now. When we issue the challenge and give boys the reasons why it is worth pursuing, we step forward on an incredible journey towards raising the kind of boys who, just like the knights of old, make an impact in their world now and for the rest of their lives.
In an age when respect and honor seem like distant and antiquated relics, how can we equip boys to pursue valor and courageously put the needs of others before their own? This book helps parents to inspire their boys by captivating their imagination and honoring their love for adventure. Heather Haupt explores how knights historically lived out various aspects of the knights' Code of Chivalry, as depicted in the French epic Song of Roland , and how boys can embody these same ideals now. When we issue the challenge and give boys the reasons why it is worth pursuing, we step forward on an incredible journey towards raising the kind of boys who, just like the knights of old, make an impact in their world now and for the rest of their lives.
288 pages, Paperback
Published May 30, 2017
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 54 reviews
July 4, 2019
Full disclosure: I quit this book on page 54 (after the first four chapters). And what I am about to write may seem to be harsh or unreasonable expectations, but for anyone who shares my convictions I think it might be helpful.
I think the following paragraph (page 45) summarizes the point of this book:
"Violence and inactivity are on the rise, and boys seem lost and adrift more than ever. This book is a call to return to the ideal. It is a call to celebrate boys and men for who they were designed to be and set them on a trajectory to take up the mantel of chivalry once again to restore order, dignity, and virtue to our communities. It is a call to parents to embody these ideals and pass them on to their children. This book provides a guide to do just that as you help your boys become all they were meant to be."
So why did I quit reading shortly after this? Because the paragraph above clearly explains that Mrs. Haupt has observed a real problem but failed to go to the real solution. This is a book of humanistic, moralistic deism. Notice that boys and men were "designed," but the Designer does not have a say in the ideal (humanistic culture does). Notice that she relies on morality as the basis of her entire book ("order, dignity, virtue" contrasted with "violence...inactivity"), but what standard defines her moral assumptions? It isn't God or the Bible - just personal, subjective, humanistic opinion. Finally, if you are a Christian, your spiritual alerts should be going absolutely crazy when phrases like "who they were designed to be", "all they were meant to be", and "the ideal" are NOT followed by a description of Jesus Christ. No, they are followed by a description of a culture of men that even she admits were riddled with wickedness (see the preceding paragraph on the original page).
Of course we have much to learn and be inspired by when looking at past cultures. Obviously I bought this book because I believed in that! But I did not buy this book so I could work passionately to indoctrinate my sons in a morality that is subjective to their clouded opinions of right and wrong. That may work for a time... and then it won't, just like it has failed every other generation in history, including the Israelites! (Do you remember that the Bible says "every man did what was right in his own eyes"?) The only hope my boys have of becoming the best men is to follow after the Perfect Man, Jesus.
So, as a side note, if that is more your cup of tea, thus far I recommend Our 24 Family Ways by Clay Clarkson. It isn't boy-specific, but this book also gives you a motto to hang on your wall and daily conversations to have with your children. The difference is that it is fully rooted on Scripture.
I think the following paragraph (page 45) summarizes the point of this book:
"Violence and inactivity are on the rise, and boys seem lost and adrift more than ever. This book is a call to return to the ideal. It is a call to celebrate boys and men for who they were designed to be and set them on a trajectory to take up the mantel of chivalry once again to restore order, dignity, and virtue to our communities. It is a call to parents to embody these ideals and pass them on to their children. This book provides a guide to do just that as you help your boys become all they were meant to be."
So why did I quit reading shortly after this? Because the paragraph above clearly explains that Mrs. Haupt has observed a real problem but failed to go to the real solution. This is a book of humanistic, moralistic deism. Notice that boys and men were "designed," but the Designer does not have a say in the ideal (humanistic culture does). Notice that she relies on morality as the basis of her entire book ("order, dignity, virtue" contrasted with "violence...inactivity"), but what standard defines her moral assumptions? It isn't God or the Bible - just personal, subjective, humanistic opinion. Finally, if you are a Christian, your spiritual alerts should be going absolutely crazy when phrases like "who they were designed to be", "all they were meant to be", and "the ideal" are NOT followed by a description of Jesus Christ. No, they are followed by a description of a culture of men that even she admits were riddled with wickedness (see the preceding paragraph on the original page).
Of course we have much to learn and be inspired by when looking at past cultures. Obviously I bought this book because I believed in that! But I did not buy this book so I could work passionately to indoctrinate my sons in a morality that is subjective to their clouded opinions of right and wrong. That may work for a time... and then it won't, just like it has failed every other generation in history, including the Israelites! (Do you remember that the Bible says "every man did what was right in his own eyes"?) The only hope my boys have of becoming the best men is to follow after the Perfect Man, Jesus.
So, as a side note, if that is more your cup of tea, thus far I recommend Our 24 Family Ways by Clay Clarkson. It isn't boy-specific, but this book also gives you a motto to hang on your wall and daily conversations to have with your children. The difference is that it is fully rooted on Scripture.
May 15, 2020
Good ideas for cultivating specific and essential character traits in boys.
November 25, 2025
Gleaned good practical advice and lines. The knight metaphor and model wore on me, and I got the sense that this is the only/the way. It was just a bit much. I wish there had been more Biblical backing and role models used. However I’ll definitely reference this over the years! Thankful to have a better idea of what I need to instill and work towards. What a humble privilege and task. Oh for more of Christ!
Highlights and notes below more-so for myself.
—-
“Boys will rise to the expectations other place on them, whether low or high.”
“Good and evil exist, and we innately realize our need for selfless people who will stand against evil and protect the innocent, who will promote what is good, fair, and true.
This war between good and evil exists in our very own hearts and is the reason the whole idea of chivalry came about in the first place.”
“…Guard their time—this precious time to play, to pretend, to become.”
“We want to feed them great ideas…this means guarding their schedules so they have time to read, time to play—free from constantly taking them from activity to activity [etc.]”
“Knowing that you will say what you mean and mean what you say helps our children because they can deal with your statements at face value rather than trying to decipher whether you are offering a true choice. When clarifying communication, pause and ask yourself, "Is this a question or a command?"
“Let’s inspire them with the knowledge that we are here to train them to one day rule their own realms, and let’s honor the areas in which they are already growing.”
“When we have intimate knowledge and experience with what is good and true and right, we identify the counterfeit.”
“Everyday simple actions become habits that shape the character of who our children will become.”
“Learning the art of not giving offense takes practice. It is of utmost importance to not neglect this aspect of their training. In this area, we often use the excuse that boys will be boys. A boy can and ought to learn how to become a man of worth and respect. This will open doors for him that even the best education cannot. Creating a habit of putting others first is a win for everyone.”
“Parenting takes an investment of time. It is hardly convenient. We get to invest generously into our boys' lives, cultivating their hearts, minds, and very souls. The perk of parenthood is that this endless giving will pay off down the road.”
“…here's truth we need to revisit over and over again as our boys move out bravely into new territory and unknown adventures: Failure is the best way to learn. If you do not try and fail, you do not learn. If you do not learn, you will never change. We need to remind our children that failure is not final. It is only final if you remain where you have fallen. Attempting something new will seem impossible until it is done. The adventure lies in the attempt and the triumph in the overcoming.”
“Don’t worry that children never listen to you. Worry that they are always watching you.” - Robert Fulghum
* Revisit Physical Training chapter when boys are older. Activity and skill building ideas, help around house, maintenance of their things/areas.
* Boys are battle wired.
* Love for God is THE motivating factor.
* Live for something more than themselves.
* Do Not Expect What You Are Not Willing to Inspect
* Respect for parents, teachers, elders, the Office.
* How and When to Say No; discuss when and how your boys can respectfully disagree
* Review common courtesies
* Boys always love a challenge; make it one
* Assign chores. Instruct them to do this cheerfully. Build responsibility and selflessness. The goal is to raise tough, resourceful, and responsible boys.
* A boy must possess the inner strength to *do* the right thing.
* Raise them to be calculated risk takers.
* Tell them we expect them to stand for justice, even if they stand alone.
* Recognize and value their strength
* “Help our boys home in on their secret strength—compassion”
* Courteous acts towards women/girls acknowledge their inherent worth and dignity.
* “Boys want to be recognized and praised for their attempts. Of course, they do it for love, but they will do even more when recognized and honored.”
* Employ the refrain “do not provoke”, in word or deed
* “Giving calm, cheerful reminders of the right way to do things is far easier to accept than biting criticism of why they are doing wrong.”
* In teaching manners and courtesy calmly, neutrally: give the instruction instead of “no.”
* Ask politely for something, but recognize that no means no.
* Greeting adults
* We give our boys a great gift, which they can then give to others, when we teach them how to converse with people of different ages.
* Speaking: Is this useful? Is this kind?
* Be Generous and Willing to Share
* There should be a cost to oneself
* Selfishness is deeply rooted and it takes both intentional training and a whole lot of practice before generosity can become a habit.
* Spontaneous giving is birthed out of discipline, simply doing it because it is the right thing to do.
* One of the easiest gifts we can give others is a smile.
* Praise their effort and problem solving over intelligence or talent.
* Boys want to do something real and big. They thrive on purpose.
* Use the Little Engine lines
* Excellence in their perseverance. Go the extra mile.
* This is how we honor God.
* Do Your Best. Be Your Best.
* “Not someday, but every day, in every way, we do our best, we give our all.”
* “Don’t put it down, put it back.”
* A boy discovers what it means to be a man by spending time with other men.
Highlights and notes below more-so for myself.
—-
“Boys will rise to the expectations other place on them, whether low or high.”
“Good and evil exist, and we innately realize our need for selfless people who will stand against evil and protect the innocent, who will promote what is good, fair, and true.
This war between good and evil exists in our very own hearts and is the reason the whole idea of chivalry came about in the first place.”
“…Guard their time—this precious time to play, to pretend, to become.”
“We want to feed them great ideas…this means guarding their schedules so they have time to read, time to play—free from constantly taking them from activity to activity [etc.]”
“Knowing that you will say what you mean and mean what you say helps our children because they can deal with your statements at face value rather than trying to decipher whether you are offering a true choice. When clarifying communication, pause and ask yourself, "Is this a question or a command?"
“Let’s inspire them with the knowledge that we are here to train them to one day rule their own realms, and let’s honor the areas in which they are already growing.”
“When we have intimate knowledge and experience with what is good and true and right, we identify the counterfeit.”
“Everyday simple actions become habits that shape the character of who our children will become.”
“Learning the art of not giving offense takes practice. It is of utmost importance to not neglect this aspect of their training. In this area, we often use the excuse that boys will be boys. A boy can and ought to learn how to become a man of worth and respect. This will open doors for him that even the best education cannot. Creating a habit of putting others first is a win for everyone.”
“Parenting takes an investment of time. It is hardly convenient. We get to invest generously into our boys' lives, cultivating their hearts, minds, and very souls. The perk of parenthood is that this endless giving will pay off down the road.”
“…here's truth we need to revisit over and over again as our boys move out bravely into new territory and unknown adventures: Failure is the best way to learn. If you do not try and fail, you do not learn. If you do not learn, you will never change. We need to remind our children that failure is not final. It is only final if you remain where you have fallen. Attempting something new will seem impossible until it is done. The adventure lies in the attempt and the triumph in the overcoming.”
“Don’t worry that children never listen to you. Worry that they are always watching you.” - Robert Fulghum
* Revisit Physical Training chapter when boys are older. Activity and skill building ideas, help around house, maintenance of their things/areas.
* Boys are battle wired.
* Love for God is THE motivating factor.
* Live for something more than themselves.
* Do Not Expect What You Are Not Willing to Inspect
* Respect for parents, teachers, elders, the Office.
* How and When to Say No; discuss when and how your boys can respectfully disagree
* Review common courtesies
* Boys always love a challenge; make it one
* Assign chores. Instruct them to do this cheerfully. Build responsibility and selflessness. The goal is to raise tough, resourceful, and responsible boys.
* A boy must possess the inner strength to *do* the right thing.
* Raise them to be calculated risk takers.
* Tell them we expect them to stand for justice, even if they stand alone.
* Recognize and value their strength
* “Help our boys home in on their secret strength—compassion”
* Courteous acts towards women/girls acknowledge their inherent worth and dignity.
* “Boys want to be recognized and praised for their attempts. Of course, they do it for love, but they will do even more when recognized and honored.”
* Employ the refrain “do not provoke”, in word or deed
* “Giving calm, cheerful reminders of the right way to do things is far easier to accept than biting criticism of why they are doing wrong.”
* In teaching manners and courtesy calmly, neutrally: give the instruction instead of “no.”
* Ask politely for something, but recognize that no means no.
* Greeting adults
* We give our boys a great gift, which they can then give to others, when we teach them how to converse with people of different ages.
* Speaking: Is this useful? Is this kind?
* Be Generous and Willing to Share
* There should be a cost to oneself
* Selfishness is deeply rooted and it takes both intentional training and a whole lot of practice before generosity can become a habit.
* Spontaneous giving is birthed out of discipline, simply doing it because it is the right thing to do.
* One of the easiest gifts we can give others is a smile.
* Praise their effort and problem solving over intelligence or talent.
* Boys want to do something real and big. They thrive on purpose.
* Use the Little Engine lines
* Excellence in their perseverance. Go the extra mile.
* This is how we honor God.
* Do Your Best. Be Your Best.
* “Not someday, but every day, in every way, we do our best, we give our all.”
* “Don’t put it down, put it back.”
* A boy discovers what it means to be a man by spending time with other men.
August 18, 2017
Though not a lot of new stuff for me, this was a great reminder of how to train my boys to become men. I loved the focus on character building and the way the author goes about teaching the principles.
September 10, 2021
Similar to other reviews (which I clearly did not check out before reading this book) I was surprised to find the literal theme was to raise boys to be strong, courageous knights in shining armor. I don't think the concept is wrong or bad but knighthood is not an interest in our family so the concepts weren't applicable or easily translatable. The information I did read that was not related to knighthood was information I've read in other parenting books and while I can tell the author's heart in communicating her message is genuine it just wasn't a book that resonated with me or provided new information.
June 6, 2018
While I did find this book had a few good points to make, I (wrongly) interpreted that the “knights in training” aspect was going to be entirely metaphorical. Nope! The writer suggests sword play, wrestling, referring to the parents as a King and Queen, and consistently refers to her boys as squires. Did not love it.
October 25, 2017
I found this book to have many great tips on what to
do with boys! Ha!
do with boys! Ha!
September 5, 2020
The second time reading this book, I led a study with some other moms to discuss and share our journeys of raising knights. We ALL greatly benefitted from the study. Haupt challenges moms to raise the level of expectation that is set so low for this generation of boys. She offers wonderful suggestions and insights in raising boys to be strong, respectful men who will soar in life. Any reader who is interested in leading a similar study, please contact me for the questions I compiled for each chapter. It is my prayer that the next generation of leaders is filled with real men.
February 13, 2019
I thought this was a very well written book with practical ideas on how to inspire courage, compassion, chivalry, strength and honor in young boys. I liked the resources listed in the back and immediately checked out some from my local library. One thing that bothered me a tiny bit was that a lot of the examples were of her three sons and their relationships with each other... I only have one son and he's the oldest with three sisters following him. It did make me think about how to get him interacting with more boys and to have more intentional time with his dad. Overall a good read.
September 4, 2019
This book inspired two great summers of character-building and learning for my two young boys. They got into the “knight training” and it provided a great foundation for discussions of personal and family values and morals. We will continue to return to the concept of our boys being “modern-day knights” as they mature. The author also curated a great list of resources on knights, history, modern boyhood, etc. Highly recommend it!
March 3, 2023
While some adaptation to one's particular circumstances is necessary, this is a really good framework for motivating kids to be the best person they can be. I'm excited to implement it in my own family.
August 3, 2023
Many similar thoughts as found in "Raising A Modern Day Knight" but with a different voice and more focused on the younger years.
August 11, 2017
http://sunshine-parenting.com/2017/08...
“You are to use that [strength] to defend the women in your life against men that are abusing their strength.”
-Heather Haupt
In Episode 13 of the podcast, I’m talking with Heather Haupt about her book Knights in Training: Ten Principles for Raising Honorable, Courageous, and Compassionate Boys.
After interviewing Kathleen Buckstaff about her book Get Savvy, reading this book and interviewing author Heather Haupt was a natural follow up. While we want our girls to learn to protect themselves from harm, just as important is raising our boys to be the “noble” men that Buckstaff describes.
After reading several books on the topic of knights, Haupt was inspired to use the concepts to inspire her boys. In her research, Haupt discovered that “chivalry is so much more than how a man treats a woman. That was just a small aspect but it [chivalry] was a whole code of conduct and way of living.”
Haupt used the principles of a Knight’s Code of Chivalry to create a “Knight Training” for her young boys (ages 6, 4, and 3 at the time she started the training six years ago). In describing how she introduced the concept to her boys, Heather recounted what she told them:
“We’re going to learn to embody not only the skills the knight had, but his heart, because that is where his true strength lies. And so I read to them the Code of Chivalry, and I said, ‘This is what I’m calling you to live up to. Are you up for the challenge?’ and they gave a resounding, ‘Yes!’”
Haupt’s boys loved using foam swords and learning to follow proper dueling rules, practicing climbing and jousting skills, and practicing archery. In addition, they mastered “squire’s work,” which included chores like setting the table and tidying up their “knight’s abode.” Learning the art of disagreeing, manners, and situational awareness are part of the chapter on the code of “don’t give offense.”
The code became a way to both teach practical skills and discuss character traits Haupt wanted to instill in her sons. She ends each chapter with a section called “Throwing down the Gauntlet,” where she offers ideas for teaching each aspect of the code.
While Haupt writes from a faith-based perspective (she opens with the code of “Love God”), most of the knight training concepts are applicable for families of any religious background who want to teach boys values like standing against injustice, respecting women, speaking truth, persevering, and pursuing excellence. Even though my own boys are beyond the age of training with toy swords, I found many of the concepts still applicable.
“You are to use that [strength] to defend the women in your life against men that are abusing their strength.”
-Heather Haupt
In Episode 13 of the podcast, I’m talking with Heather Haupt about her book Knights in Training: Ten Principles for Raising Honorable, Courageous, and Compassionate Boys.
After interviewing Kathleen Buckstaff about her book Get Savvy, reading this book and interviewing author Heather Haupt was a natural follow up. While we want our girls to learn to protect themselves from harm, just as important is raising our boys to be the “noble” men that Buckstaff describes.
After reading several books on the topic of knights, Haupt was inspired to use the concepts to inspire her boys. In her research, Haupt discovered that “chivalry is so much more than how a man treats a woman. That was just a small aspect but it [chivalry] was a whole code of conduct and way of living.”
Haupt used the principles of a Knight’s Code of Chivalry to create a “Knight Training” for her young boys (ages 6, 4, and 3 at the time she started the training six years ago). In describing how she introduced the concept to her boys, Heather recounted what she told them:
“We’re going to learn to embody not only the skills the knight had, but his heart, because that is where his true strength lies. And so I read to them the Code of Chivalry, and I said, ‘This is what I’m calling you to live up to. Are you up for the challenge?’ and they gave a resounding, ‘Yes!’”
Haupt’s boys loved using foam swords and learning to follow proper dueling rules, practicing climbing and jousting skills, and practicing archery. In addition, they mastered “squire’s work,” which included chores like setting the table and tidying up their “knight’s abode.” Learning the art of disagreeing, manners, and situational awareness are part of the chapter on the code of “don’t give offense.”
The code became a way to both teach practical skills and discuss character traits Haupt wanted to instill in her sons. She ends each chapter with a section called “Throwing down the Gauntlet,” where she offers ideas for teaching each aspect of the code.
While Haupt writes from a faith-based perspective (she opens with the code of “Love God”), most of the knight training concepts are applicable for families of any religious background who want to teach boys values like standing against injustice, respecting women, speaking truth, persevering, and pursuing excellence. Even though my own boys are beyond the age of training with toy swords, I found many of the concepts still applicable.
December 16, 2019
Wow. I am not sure how this got in my lists to read in 2019... I had a list of just authors that I had read prior or authors that I liked that recommended it. It must have been the later. I didn't really know or except that she is really raising her kids as Knights. Like no lie, Knights...
Lots of issues about this book. Mostly she is just generalizing a lot of different things and making way too many assumptions. She is just framing boys to be one way to be able to write her book.
"Boys are restricted by just playing video games." Could you also make the claim that girls are just restricted to being on the phone?
She says boys have this entitlement in the middle class. But you don't say the upper or lower classes? Just the middle class.
She says technology is really bad sort of overall, which is a stretch. They can be good in classrooms for education.
She believes Superheroes, whom boys usually want to be, don't have qualities. But don't they stand up for the innocent and against evil? Those aren't qualities.
I do a agree that there should be limits to TV shows as most of them have dads that are idiots or not running the family, which is 100% true. What she also doesn't address is raising boys also involves a lack of male father figures in the family.
She always says "I" in the book. I want to teach the boys this. I do this with the boys, I do that with the boys. I want to raise the boys as knights. Great, well why is there no mention of her mention of her husband? She can say We. Aren't they both raising them? Isn't this something that they are doing together because they decided together? Grant it I didn't read the whole thing because I couldn't take it so something could have happened to him.
In her listing of the 10 things, she lists God first. That is great, but then says things like "Love for God also allows us to live with hope." I guess I just disagree because there is nothing about hope. At least that is me. Also "Many boys are adrift without drive, they seem lost without hope." Could you also just claim the "Many boys are drift with drive, they seem to thrive with hope."
Ok that should be enough...
Sorry just wasn't for me. I think the worst thing is I got this book from the library and it looks like it was brand new and never read. There were 6 copies at the library and I have the only one out. I guess that should tell you something and now the library thinks that at least 1 person wanted to read this...
Lots of issues about this book. Mostly she is just generalizing a lot of different things and making way too many assumptions. She is just framing boys to be one way to be able to write her book.
"Boys are restricted by just playing video games." Could you also make the claim that girls are just restricted to being on the phone?
She says boys have this entitlement in the middle class. But you don't say the upper or lower classes? Just the middle class.
She says technology is really bad sort of overall, which is a stretch. They can be good in classrooms for education.
She believes Superheroes, whom boys usually want to be, don't have qualities. But don't they stand up for the innocent and against evil? Those aren't qualities.
I do a agree that there should be limits to TV shows as most of them have dads that are idiots or not running the family, which is 100% true. What she also doesn't address is raising boys also involves a lack of male father figures in the family.
She always says "I" in the book. I want to teach the boys this. I do this with the boys, I do that with the boys. I want to raise the boys as knights. Great, well why is there no mention of her mention of her husband? She can say We. Aren't they both raising them? Isn't this something that they are doing together because they decided together? Grant it I didn't read the whole thing because I couldn't take it so something could have happened to him.
In her listing of the 10 things, she lists God first. That is great, but then says things like "Love for God also allows us to live with hope." I guess I just disagree because there is nothing about hope. At least that is me. Also "Many boys are adrift without drive, they seem lost without hope." Could you also just claim the "Many boys are drift with drive, they seem to thrive with hope."
Ok that should be enough...
Sorry just wasn't for me. I think the worst thing is I got this book from the library and it looks like it was brand new and never read. There were 6 copies at the library and I have the only one out. I guess that should tell you something and now the library thinks that at least 1 person wanted to read this...
August 19, 2019
I've been looking for a helpful book specifically on parenting boys for awhile, and have been struggling to find one that I really felt that I could work with. The Michael Gurian one that I left unfinished read more like a psychological treatise than practical parenting help, and James Dobson's Bringing Up Boys had some very problematic issues, IMO. But as a long time fantasy reader, I was able to connect with the premise behind this book, about raising boys in a way that treats them like modern day knights, much more easily.
The book lays out a 10 point "knight's code" for boys, including love for God (not an issue for me, as I'm reading this as a Christian parent), respecting women (yes, opening doors is part of it, but the main emphasis was on treating women like equal human beings, which I appreciated), and striving for excellence in everything they do. I will say that some of the practical advice works better for the younger years, as actual pretend play with swords is included. But my boys are 4 and under at this point, so learning through play is best for them now anyway. I think that much of what's in here can be applied to girls, so sisters can take part too. And unlike other books I've read on this topic (I'm looking at you, Dobson), while male role models for boys in particular is listed as a positive, I didn't walk away from this one feeling like my role in their lives as their mother was being downplayed or even denigrated as they grow up.
I also appreciated that a book list for both picture books and novels to help teach the principles was included. I'll have to think through my practical takeaways for my sons, but I can honestly say I'd be willing to revisit this one. Which doesn't often happen for me with this type of nonfiction.
The book lays out a 10 point "knight's code" for boys, including love for God (not an issue for me, as I'm reading this as a Christian parent), respecting women (yes, opening doors is part of it, but the main emphasis was on treating women like equal human beings, which I appreciated), and striving for excellence in everything they do. I will say that some of the practical advice works better for the younger years, as actual pretend play with swords is included. But my boys are 4 and under at this point, so learning through play is best for them now anyway. I think that much of what's in here can be applied to girls, so sisters can take part too. And unlike other books I've read on this topic (I'm looking at you, Dobson), while male role models for boys in particular is listed as a positive, I didn't walk away from this one feeling like my role in their lives as their mother was being downplayed or even denigrated as they grow up.
I also appreciated that a book list for both picture books and novels to help teach the principles was included. I'll have to think through my practical takeaways for my sons, but I can honestly say I'd be willing to revisit this one. Which doesn't often happen for me with this type of nonfiction.
January 19, 2020
This is the book I wish I had written.
I have six boys. Years ago, when we found ourselves floundering with trying to teach our brood, my husband and I developed Quest. Quest is a home program to teach the very things in this book, based on the knights of old. A knight is K- knowledgeable, N- nice, I- intelligent, G- godly, H- healthy, T- talented. Our family theme is based upon the code of conduct she preaches. I was thrilled to find this book- I’m not the only one!
I found myself nodding along as she laments about the lack of good male role models, and the need for kind, honorable, responsible men. She provides practical things we can do know to hone these hooligans, and even book suggestions and games.
However, two major flaws.
One, this book is tailored for mom with young boys. I absolutely believe that it can be helpful for all ages, but she doesn’t address them. She’s missing out in a pretty big audience.
Two, I was severely disappointed that she obviously believes nurture over nature to the exclusion of choice. Poorly behaved children seem to be the result of poor parenting.
And that’s simply not true.
Yes, we need to instruct our youth. Yes, a lot of bad behaviors may be due to bad instruction. But I also know that the best parents in the world, who can check off every one of her helpful ‘throw down the gauntlet’ checklists, can have children who choose their own miserable path.
I liked the book. I would recommend it. I took several notes and plan to incorporate a few things into our family’s established knightly routine. But I caution other readers to remember that our children are in fact real people who will make their own decisions regardless of what we teach them- they are not clay to be molded according to our own desires.
I have six boys. Years ago, when we found ourselves floundering with trying to teach our brood, my husband and I developed Quest. Quest is a home program to teach the very things in this book, based on the knights of old. A knight is K- knowledgeable, N- nice, I- intelligent, G- godly, H- healthy, T- talented. Our family theme is based upon the code of conduct she preaches. I was thrilled to find this book- I’m not the only one!
I found myself nodding along as she laments about the lack of good male role models, and the need for kind, honorable, responsible men. She provides practical things we can do know to hone these hooligans, and even book suggestions and games.
However, two major flaws.
One, this book is tailored for mom with young boys. I absolutely believe that it can be helpful for all ages, but she doesn’t address them. She’s missing out in a pretty big audience.
Two, I was severely disappointed that she obviously believes nurture over nature to the exclusion of choice. Poorly behaved children seem to be the result of poor parenting.
And that’s simply not true.
Yes, we need to instruct our youth. Yes, a lot of bad behaviors may be due to bad instruction. But I also know that the best parents in the world, who can check off every one of her helpful ‘throw down the gauntlet’ checklists, can have children who choose their own miserable path.
I liked the book. I would recommend it. I took several notes and plan to incorporate a few things into our family’s established knightly routine. But I caution other readers to remember that our children are in fact real people who will make their own decisions regardless of what we teach them- they are not clay to be molded according to our own desires.
April 11, 2024
This book was a really practical one for helping both parents and children to see the value for instilling certain “knightly” virtues. I really like the approaches to helping foster Christlike sons. That said, I have a couple complaints. Not large ones, but just things I wish would’ve been more clear. Firstly, a lot of the virtuous examples were medieval knights or heroic historical figures, when so many things could have been much more gospel- and Christ-centric. That’s not to say that it is entirely moralistic, because it isn’t, but it was definitely an area I felt myself wanting more from. On that note, and this may be because I took a college class on Arthurian literature, but many of the Arthurian legends do not really hold up knights as perfectly moral and virtuous examples. Haupt briefly mentions that people nowadays are so quick to dismiss the knights by focusing on their failures, and I agree that it is ok to use the knights as an example. But, at some level, the knights morality does break down, and I feel like it would’ve been worthwhile to mention that we, like the knights, can never perfectly achieve the code of conduct, and turn the example back to the gospel. Essentially, the example of knighthood felt a little idealized to me. Lastly, I don’t know that this is a complaint so much as something I’m still thinking through. Some of the advice and activities that are recommended are not universally applicable. It’s not that there needs to be a caveat for every possible outlier, but rather I feel like some of the virtues and activities would need to be adjusted for people of varying situations and abilities. All in all, I did really enjoy this and I do feel like this was a practical, helpful, and enjoyable read.
June 27, 2017
FTC Required Notice: We were sent a copy of Knights In Training: Ten Principles for Raising Honorable, Courageous, and Compassionate Boys written by Heather Haupt for the purpose of writing this review. There was no cost or obligation attached to receiving this review copy.
Knights In Training is a very interesting read. It takes a novel approach to raising little young men in this politically correct world.
Boys in public school are told to sit in their desks, not talk, sit still, and pay attention. The problem is that little boys just aren’t wired this way.
If a young boy uses his fingers to make a gun at school, parents will be called, counselors will be involved, and cooler heads will not prevail.
In Knights in Training, Heather Haupt has a different approach to raising little boys. Instead of trying to make little boys into something they are not, she suggests channeling this raw energy into a unique way to teach little boys the appropriate time and place for weapons and rough housing.
In short, Knights in Training turns a problem into a very creative way to raise well-behaved little men.
This book is very well-written, very well-researched and thought out. The author actually used this approach with her three young men. And, it worked. We give Knights in Training all five stars on our scale of zero to five stars.
If you have young boys, you may well want to read Knights in Training. It is a great way to turn all that pent up energy into good behavior.
Knights In Training is a very interesting read. It takes a novel approach to raising little young men in this politically correct world.
Boys in public school are told to sit in their desks, not talk, sit still, and pay attention. The problem is that little boys just aren’t wired this way.
If a young boy uses his fingers to make a gun at school, parents will be called, counselors will be involved, and cooler heads will not prevail.
In Knights in Training, Heather Haupt has a different approach to raising little boys. Instead of trying to make little boys into something they are not, she suggests channeling this raw energy into a unique way to teach little boys the appropriate time and place for weapons and rough housing.
In short, Knights in Training turns a problem into a very creative way to raise well-behaved little men.
This book is very well-written, very well-researched and thought out. The author actually used this approach with her three young men. And, it worked. We give Knights in Training all five stars on our scale of zero to five stars.
If you have young boys, you may well want to read Knights in Training. It is a great way to turn all that pent up energy into good behavior.
March 1, 2018
Heather Haupt really nailed it with her book Knights in Training: Ten Principles for Raising Honorable, Courageous, and Compassionate BoysThis book has ten principles taken from the time honored code of the knights, reminding us that not much is different when it comes to raising the next generation of young men. It was refreshing for me to read a book that reminds us that boys are different and there is a very good reason why we do not want to raise typical boys.
In this book parents are reminded that “old fashioned” virtues do not have to be old fashioned and chivalry is not dead…these things just need to be modeled and taught as we raise modern day knights to love God, defend and protect, persevere, pursue excellence, obey those in authority, respect and honor women, etc.
One of the things that impressed me with the book is the author’s passion for the subject. This was very much displayed in the summer of 2017, when Mrs. Haupt was “live” on her facebook page every week for several weeks in a row discussing the concepts of the book with her fans and followers. I enjoyed the videos and the discussions that came of those.
This book also lists several resources that your boys will love as well as a link for a Knight’s Code of Chivalry Poster that my son really was excited about as I was reading the book.
This book is one I definitely recommend for parents of boys.
In this book parents are reminded that “old fashioned” virtues do not have to be old fashioned and chivalry is not dead…these things just need to be modeled and taught as we raise modern day knights to love God, defend and protect, persevere, pursue excellence, obey those in authority, respect and honor women, etc.
One of the things that impressed me with the book is the author’s passion for the subject. This was very much displayed in the summer of 2017, when Mrs. Haupt was “live” on her facebook page every week for several weeks in a row discussing the concepts of the book with her fans and followers. I enjoyed the videos and the discussions that came of those.
This book also lists several resources that your boys will love as well as a link for a Knight’s Code of Chivalry Poster that my son really was excited about as I was reading the book.
This book is one I definitely recommend for parents of boys.
July 14, 2017
*Inspiring, Enjoyable, & Culture-changing read.
Knights in Training: Ten Principles for Raising Honorable, Courageous, and Compassionate Boys is an important and inspiring read.
Although the principles outlined here have their roots in rich history, the book's message couldn't be more relevant for the present day.
Well-researched and highly readable, Knights in Training is partially a parenting book, but more largely a bold call to action that challenges concerning cultural norms. The author rejects low expectations and succeeds in casting a vision of boys who are "honorable, courageous, & compassionate" and whom grow into men of even greater character.
Backing up ambitious inspiration with specific examples, practical applications, & even fun exercises, Heather makes this hope of every boy-parent a possible reality.
Her historic and literary references (often in the form of worthy quotes), treasured book recommendations, and relevant personal anecdotes keep the reader's interest from cover to cover.
Clearly, the challenge of raising a young man such as this is a noble & worthwhile endeavor. This book is sure to become a cherished resource to those on the journey.
*I received an advanced reader's copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Knights in Training: Ten Principles for Raising Honorable, Courageous, and Compassionate Boys is an important and inspiring read.
Although the principles outlined here have their roots in rich history, the book's message couldn't be more relevant for the present day.
Well-researched and highly readable, Knights in Training is partially a parenting book, but more largely a bold call to action that challenges concerning cultural norms. The author rejects low expectations and succeeds in casting a vision of boys who are "honorable, courageous, & compassionate" and whom grow into men of even greater character.
Backing up ambitious inspiration with specific examples, practical applications, & even fun exercises, Heather makes this hope of every boy-parent a possible reality.
Her historic and literary references (often in the form of worthy quotes), treasured book recommendations, and relevant personal anecdotes keep the reader's interest from cover to cover.
Clearly, the challenge of raising a young man such as this is a noble & worthwhile endeavor. This book is sure to become a cherished resource to those on the journey.
*I received an advanced reader's copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
September 8, 2017
The thing I love most about this book is the fact that the author embraces the "boy-ness" of being a boy. She doesn't try to "stamp out" those unique characteristics that make boys boys, but instead offers ways to embrace their natural instincts and behaviors and channel them into positive characteristics using the Knights Code of Chivalry.
The book flows smoothly and is engaging to read. There is a chapter dedicated to each part of the Code. Along with explaining what it means and how it applies to boys today, she includes at the end of each chapter ways in which you can implement them into your own boys lives.
I have one boy among a gaggle of girls. I found that each section applied directly to him, but there were also parts of the Code that applied to my girls as well, although I may go about teaching them differently, some suggestions could be used for both.
This book has definitely earned a place on my shelf. It is a great resource for raising a boy to be a gentleman in a fun and exciting manner.
The book flows smoothly and is engaging to read. There is a chapter dedicated to each part of the Code. Along with explaining what it means and how it applies to boys today, she includes at the end of each chapter ways in which you can implement them into your own boys lives.
I have one boy among a gaggle of girls. I found that each section applied directly to him, but there were also parts of the Code that applied to my girls as well, although I may go about teaching them differently, some suggestions could be used for both.
This book has definitely earned a place on my shelf. It is a great resource for raising a boy to be a gentleman in a fun and exciting manner.
March 13, 2021
I had this on my "to read" list for quite awhile but hadn't read it because I had mostly given up on finding good parenting books. I decided to give it a go when I saw that Leonard Sax recommends it (another author I highly recommend) and I'm so glad i did! I had gotten this book from the library and before I finished it I had ordered the hard copy for myself, gotten my husband to buy the audiobook for himself, and recommended the book to multiple friends. Heather absolutely gets boys but she also does an amazing job of putting things in the proper order. For example, laying the foundation of obedience BEFORE teaching a child how to appropriately ask questions. Also, she presents things in a way that will appeal to boys. My five year old son actually sat and listened to me read a couple chapters because he enjoyed all the stories about knights, chivalry, and Heather's own boys. While the book is uniquely specific to boys I would still recommend it to parents of girls as well.
August 15, 2019
This book contains some very good information on how to raise, as the title says, honorable, courageous, and compassionate boys. There are some good practical ideas and principles contained in here, though it sounds like the author and her family have taken it to a new level, and really made a way of life using the Knight's Code. The book doesn't actually advocate that you take it that far, and I don't think you need to in order to apply the principles; but I suppose that the intrigue, mystique, and excitement young boys get when learning about the Medieval Knights can very easily lend itself to creating a way of life where you can really engage with those ideas in a fun and playful way. Using that excitement to help you find a way to raise your boys to become upstanding men is definitely not a bad thing.
Read
July 27, 2019This book is about raising boys to be different than the adrift / failure to launch / disengaged boys our culture unwittingly molds. Boys crave action and passion. The author proposes we raise gentlemen, aka knights, who love God, defend the weak, respect women, speak the truth, and pursue excellence. Her advice to find concrete actions and instill adventure is solid.
Like all parenting endeavors, the author is well aware this is a long haul quest. She offers good tips for introducing it in the five to ten age range. While I probably won't be calling myself "king of the house" or have a dubbing ceremony, I do plan on helping them hone some adventurous skills and being more intentional with honor and good manners.
Like all parenting endeavors, the author is well aware this is a long haul quest. She offers good tips for introducing it in the five to ten age range. While I probably won't be calling myself "king of the house" or have a dubbing ceremony, I do plan on helping them hone some adventurous skills and being more intentional with honor and good manners.
June 6, 2017
I have three sons and the oldest is twenty. Needless to say, I've read my share of books on how to parent boys. This is by far the best. What boy doesn't like to pretend he's a knight proving his bravery on the battlefield? But knighthood is about much more. It's about chivalry. It's about honor. This book gives practical ideas, using knighthood as the foundation to teach character. Your sons will have so much fun, they won't even realize that you are providing them with essential training that will help them in real life. I want my sons to be knights and I want my daughters to find knights.
December 27, 2017
This book was ok. It gave me food for thought, but also made me feel like my parenting has been inadequate in the sense that I am not raising my boys to be "knights" and I am late to the game. I would have appreciated more realism in her stories. It can't be easy to have a house full of boys and I think the author should have shared more on that. I did learn some good resources and got some inspiration on what boys like, but it would also be nice to hear what to do if you are late to the game in the training of a knight.
July 5, 2019
I absolutely love this book!! I cannot say enough positive things about it. I was giving Raising a Modern Day Knight when I dedicated my son 10 years ago. He is now 12 and I wish I had bought this book much sooner so I could have following the suggestions Heather loving shares. Chivalry seems to have died out, which is quite sad, and we need to being it back. To do so, we need to be intentional with teaching our sons and daughters what chivalry means. Girls need to allow boys to do the things that make them feel manly, and boys need to lovingly do those things.
October 5, 2021
This book is probably 3/4 commentary on the state of society today, 1/8 activity ideas, 1/8 how to raise boys. I wish the how to raise boys part made up more of the book.
I found it to be pretty harsh on boys and men. Maybe the harshness is deserved, but the discussion follows pretty typical lines of thought on the topic and makes big assumptions on how we got to this point in society.
Otherwise it has some good nuggets on raising boys, but not a lot.
Note: The "Knights in Training" part of the book is more literal than metaphorical. Not necessarily bad, but it was a little unexpected.
I found it to be pretty harsh on boys and men. Maybe the harshness is deserved, but the discussion follows pretty typical lines of thought on the topic and makes big assumptions on how we got to this point in society.
Otherwise it has some good nuggets on raising boys, but not a lot.
Note: The "Knights in Training" part of the book is more literal than metaphorical. Not necessarily bad, but it was a little unexpected.
January 29, 2020
I recommend Knights in Training to any parent of boys!
Haupt highlighted several areas in which we can teach our sons to man up and take the high road, and she provided easy-to-apply pointers.
I'm so glad another mom recommended the book to me, and my husband and I are excited to formally begin 'knight training' when our son turns 7 (it's the age we chose to dive in, partly because that's the age pages began training in the medieval era).
Haupt highlighted several areas in which we can teach our sons to man up and take the high road, and she provided easy-to-apply pointers.
I'm so glad another mom recommended the book to me, and my husband and I are excited to formally begin 'knight training' when our son turns 7 (it's the age we chose to dive in, partly because that's the age pages began training in the medieval era).
August 6, 2025
This book is very encouraging. I love the call to raise our boys to be men of honor, courage, and compassion. The way Heather uses the code of Knights to engage and challenge her boys is exactly what I was looking for. I love her list of ideas in each chapter, the resources she makes available on her website, and the list of books to read to your kids to teach them virtues of knighthood.
I will be using this in my homeschooling this year and look forward to diving deep into the stories.
I will be using this in my homeschooling this year and look forward to diving deep into the stories.
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