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Lake Lurkers
The Land of 10,000 Lakes is about to become the Land of 10,000 Deaths!
After years of saving, Tess is finally able to move into her dream a gorgeous house in the wealthiest neighborhood in Minneapolis, right across from Lake Harriet. But something vicious has moved into the lake at the same time, and the housewarming party is going to be brutal.
When the remains of missing neighbors start floating to the surface, Tess has to decide whether to go head-to-head against the fangs and tentacles of the creatures lurking in the lake or take shelter in her new home.
Unfortunately, the enemy may be even closer than she thinks.
After years of saving, Tess is finally able to move into her dream a gorgeous house in the wealthiest neighborhood in Minneapolis, right across from Lake Harriet. But something vicious has moved into the lake at the same time, and the housewarming party is going to be brutal.
When the remains of missing neighbors start floating to the surface, Tess has to decide whether to go head-to-head against the fangs and tentacles of the creatures lurking in the lake or take shelter in her new home.
Unfortunately, the enemy may be even closer than she thinks.
134 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 1, 2016
25 people are currently reading
39 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
October 20, 2019
5 out of 5 Stars on the WFT Scale
2 out of 5 Stars on the Sane and Proper Writing Scale
Well, let me just start by saying HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!! What did I just read?!? This book was ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!! I have no idea if that’s what the author intended… which is what made this so difficult to review. But, if you want some B-movie style writing with some Grindhouse style gore, YOU’VE SOME TO THE RIGHT PLACE!! The dialogue was pretty terrible,
“Finally, he spoke. “Well, that’s just great, Tess. Just great.”
“You are the best, Randall!” she shouted awkwardly.
“Tess, I love you.” She gave him a serious kiss. He reciprocated at first, but whatever it was that had gotten into him forced him to pull away and cross his arms. Tess tried not to get angry, but she was definitely not in the mood for this baby shit.”
With some absolutely unnecessary gore, (but, when is gore unnecessary?? Ha ha!)
“The creature released Doctor Gus’s ankles and pressed down on the man’s back with its hand fins. Vertebrae snapped. His sides split open in perfect lines from hips to armpits. Despite the best efforts of his ribcage, his insides burst through the seams. They painted the blacktop in reds and yellows and browns. The creature clenched the tips of its hand fins together and jammed them in the holes, clogging them so no more innards could escape that way. Then it stepped onto Doctor Gus’s back, massaging the guts up the elderly man’s throat to his mouth.”
With a lot of WTF moments,
“She should have known that something would come to take it away. If not the bank, then a fucking slimy fish monster. Randall walked inside with Naomi in tow. He deposited the old woman on the couch next to Tess and then ran to his music room. Moments later, he reappeared with two guitar cases and an ear-to-ear grin. “Are you going to riff the lake creature to death, Randall?” “Tess, I may have misled you about the number of guitars I own.” Randall cracked open the guitar cases to reveal a pair of assault rifles. “What the fuck, Randall?” Tess asked as Naomi’s weepy eyes lit up.”
“One officer, a tall, skinny woman with a hook for a hand and a ponytail that held maybe six strands of near-translucent hair—not unlike the lake monster’s fins—stepped in and jabbed the pile with the butt of her rifle.”
And, some great B-Movie one liners!
“Well what the hell do we do now?” another cop asked. The kicking cop hiked up blood-soaked pants and grinned. “Fish fry.”
Tess was a horrible, unlikable character. She only cares about her “dream house” and has no feelings for any one (including her live-in boyfriend) and treats them all like crap, and as people start dying all she seems to think about is her depreciating property values. But, there were A LOT of laughs and if this was ever made into a movie it would ABSOLUTELY make it into my collection!!!!
If you need a mindless, silly beach read. This is a GREAT option!! O.K So, the creature are not EXACTLY sharks…. funny enough they never really figure out (or even TRY to) what they are. They seem to be some weird mix of a shark, a squid and a crocodile… I felt like it still counted!
2 out of 5 Stars on the Sane and Proper Writing Scale
Well, let me just start by saying HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!! What did I just read?!? This book was ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!! I have no idea if that’s what the author intended… which is what made this so difficult to review. But, if you want some B-movie style writing with some Grindhouse style gore, YOU’VE SOME TO THE RIGHT PLACE!! The dialogue was pretty terrible,
“Finally, he spoke. “Well, that’s just great, Tess. Just great.”
“You are the best, Randall!” she shouted awkwardly.
“Tess, I love you.” She gave him a serious kiss. He reciprocated at first, but whatever it was that had gotten into him forced him to pull away and cross his arms. Tess tried not to get angry, but she was definitely not in the mood for this baby shit.”
With some absolutely unnecessary gore, (but, when is gore unnecessary?? Ha ha!)
“The creature released Doctor Gus’s ankles and pressed down on the man’s back with its hand fins. Vertebrae snapped. His sides split open in perfect lines from hips to armpits. Despite the best efforts of his ribcage, his insides burst through the seams. They painted the blacktop in reds and yellows and browns. The creature clenched the tips of its hand fins together and jammed them in the holes, clogging them so no more innards could escape that way. Then it stepped onto Doctor Gus’s back, massaging the guts up the elderly man’s throat to his mouth.”
With a lot of WTF moments,
“She should have known that something would come to take it away. If not the bank, then a fucking slimy fish monster. Randall walked inside with Naomi in tow. He deposited the old woman on the couch next to Tess and then ran to his music room. Moments later, he reappeared with two guitar cases and an ear-to-ear grin. “Are you going to riff the lake creature to death, Randall?” “Tess, I may have misled you about the number of guitars I own.” Randall cracked open the guitar cases to reveal a pair of assault rifles. “What the fuck, Randall?” Tess asked as Naomi’s weepy eyes lit up.”
“One officer, a tall, skinny woman with a hook for a hand and a ponytail that held maybe six strands of near-translucent hair—not unlike the lake monster’s fins—stepped in and jabbed the pile with the butt of her rifle.”
And, some great B-Movie one liners!
“Well what the hell do we do now?” another cop asked. The kicking cop hiked up blood-soaked pants and grinned. “Fish fry.”
Tess was a horrible, unlikable character. She only cares about her “dream house” and has no feelings for any one (including her live-in boyfriend) and treats them all like crap, and as people start dying all she seems to think about is her depreciating property values. But, there were A LOT of laughs and if this was ever made into a movie it would ABSOLUTELY make it into my collection!!!!
If you need a mindless, silly beach read. This is a GREAT option!! O.K So, the creature are not EXACTLY sharks…. funny enough they never really figure out (or even TRY to) what they are. They seem to be some weird mix of a shark, a squid and a crocodile… I felt like it still counted!
February 4, 2017
MP Johnson is awesome! Consequently, his books are awesome!, and Lake Lurkers is no exception. If you're into house wives who aren't actually wives but just simply obsessed with their house, then this is the book for you. If you're into rich people being eaten by crazy, otherworldly things that have appeared in the lake, then this is the book for you. If you hate having fun while you read, then avoid this book! Because Lake Lurkers is a hell of a lot of fun!
August 13, 2017
Highly entertaining quick read. This is my first full round with the author's work. I plan to read more of her stuff in the future. I have a few of her books lined up in my library. Lake Lurkers was a great start though. If you are terrified of underwater monsters then give yourself a scare and pick up this book for sure. There is plenty of action and humor to keep you engaged. Definitely, recommended for fans of the bizarre and bloody.
March 15, 2020
A fast but relatively entertaining read for its size and scope. The lower-stakes lakefront setting is interesting, the humor is abundant, and there are a couple decently fleshed-out characters and some harrowing near escapes from the titular beasts. Speaking of fleshed-out! Holy viscera, this is worth a look just for the inventive gore when it comes to ripping up the hapless Minneapolis locals. Some very creative violence, with a particularly fun/vicious massacre of some Keystone Cops. The police go down hard, and stupid. This book goes down easy and not stupid.
November 28, 2018
It was a beautiful lake, surrounded by exclusive houses...the perfect place to live until green flames shoot across the sky and somefall falls into the icy depths of the water. Scaly finned monsters have taken up residence in the lake and start to pick off the unwary who venture too close to the water's edge. However, these monsters are not content with the odd meal being delivered so they start to pay house calls on the local residents.
I love the cover of this book and it sounded really good in the blurb. The actual plot was a typical creature feature story with an alien twist to it but it was fun and the monster parts are well written and enjoyable. Lots of people start to go missing-an injured jogger, an investigating police officer, a man doing one of those chilly dips in the lake that people seem to do to torture themselves etc. I liked reading about the attacks and the action really ramps up when the monsters start coming out of the lake to attack people on the land and in their houses. The big problem with this book actually came from some of the characters.
Our MC is Tess, who has always wanted to live in this environment, and is thrilled to be moving in. Naturally she is somewhat pleased with herself to be finally achieving her dream and buying her perfect house in a beautiful location. It's a pity that Tess is a self obsessed bitch as well as proud houseowner. The house is the one thing she really loves and that becomes clear through the book. She is moving in with her boyfriend Randall but it isn't really clear why. She keeps refusing to marry him and doesn't even seem to like him that much, as she is forever annoyed by everything he says and does. When she becomes aware of the monsters, she seems more interested in the dropping value of the house and the fact that her dream home is being spoiled for her, than the safety of her new neighbours. There is even a point where she hesitates over helping someone being attacked as it means damage to her bloody house! I really could not stand this character and her obsession with being the proud home owner.
Then we have the usual asshole cops to deal with. Tess passes the police officer while out jogging, just before he goes missing at the edge of the lake. She sees the vscaly hand grab him and calls 911, only to be accused of letting the officer die, leading to one of the cops deciding to assault her for no reason. When her neighbours begin to go missing, these cops are back accusing her of letting these people die as well, to the annoyance of this irritated reader. The next attack is witnessed by a few of the residents who try to save the victim by attacking the monster but Tess is now being blamed again and arrested despite the witnesses saying what really happened. I was getting really mad at the book by this point. One of my pet hates is the small town cop with the moronic attitude who always seems to be racist or bigoted or violent bullies. I might not like Tess but I wanted these idiots eaten. There were some good characters. I certainly liked Randall more than Tess ever seemed to and I really liked her neighbours Gus and Naomi, but the horrible characters overshadowed them.
Overall I'd say that it was a decent creature feature. I liked the alien side to the monster story and having them able to leave the lake to find victims made them much scarier than the usual lake monster. There were certainly things to enjoy in the plot and there was the usual satisfying death toll that you expect in these books. It would certainly make you think twice about buying a house beside a lake! However it was let down a bit by the steriotype cops and an MC that I couldn't really care less about. It wouldn't stop me reading more by the author as long as the characters are not the same next time!
I love the cover of this book and it sounded really good in the blurb. The actual plot was a typical creature feature story with an alien twist to it but it was fun and the monster parts are well written and enjoyable. Lots of people start to go missing-an injured jogger, an investigating police officer, a man doing one of those chilly dips in the lake that people seem to do to torture themselves etc. I liked reading about the attacks and the action really ramps up when the monsters start coming out of the lake to attack people on the land and in their houses. The big problem with this book actually came from some of the characters.
Our MC is Tess, who has always wanted to live in this environment, and is thrilled to be moving in. Naturally she is somewhat pleased with herself to be finally achieving her dream and buying her perfect house in a beautiful location. It's a pity that Tess is a self obsessed bitch as well as proud houseowner. The house is the one thing she really loves and that becomes clear through the book. She is moving in with her boyfriend Randall but it isn't really clear why. She keeps refusing to marry him and doesn't even seem to like him that much, as she is forever annoyed by everything he says and does. When she becomes aware of the monsters, she seems more interested in the dropping value of the house and the fact that her dream home is being spoiled for her, than the safety of her new neighbours. There is even a point where she hesitates over helping someone being attacked as it means damage to her bloody house! I really could not stand this character and her obsession with being the proud home owner.
Then we have the usual asshole cops to deal with. Tess passes the police officer while out jogging, just before he goes missing at the edge of the lake. She sees the vscaly hand grab him and calls 911, only to be accused of letting the officer die, leading to one of the cops deciding to assault her for no reason. When her neighbours begin to go missing, these cops are back accusing her of letting these people die as well, to the annoyance of this irritated reader. The next attack is witnessed by a few of the residents who try to save the victim by attacking the monster but Tess is now being blamed again and arrested despite the witnesses saying what really happened. I was getting really mad at the book by this point. One of my pet hates is the small town cop with the moronic attitude who always seems to be racist or bigoted or violent bullies. I might not like Tess but I wanted these idiots eaten. There were some good characters. I certainly liked Randall more than Tess ever seemed to and I really liked her neighbours Gus and Naomi, but the horrible characters overshadowed them.
Overall I'd say that it was a decent creature feature. I liked the alien side to the monster story and having them able to leave the lake to find victims made them much scarier than the usual lake monster. There were certainly things to enjoy in the plot and there was the usual satisfying death toll that you expect in these books. It would certainly make you think twice about buying a house beside a lake! However it was let down a bit by the steriotype cops and an MC that I couldn't really care less about. It wouldn't stop me reading more by the author as long as the characters are not the same next time!
July 15, 2017
This short story went by quick and was pretty good.
Tess has just moved into her dream home in Minneapolis with her musician boyfriend. Her life finally feels right until she notices a missing police officer. What transpires is a scheme to save Lake Harriet from the unknown.
I will say that this was pretty damn violent and gory. This novella is not for anyone who can stand body parts being shown in graphic detail.
I liked how short it was and how it told a good story rather quickly.
Tess has just moved into her dream home in Minneapolis with her musician boyfriend. Her life finally feels right until she notices a missing police officer. What transpires is a scheme to save Lake Harriet from the unknown.
I will say that this was pretty damn violent and gory. This novella is not for anyone who can stand body parts being shown in graphic detail.
I liked how short it was and how it told a good story rather quickly.
Read
October 15, 2016Short and bloody romp... more of a novella in my eyes, but not a bad thing or a good thing.
Should be enjoyed by horror fans or Minneapolis locals.
Should be enjoyed by horror fans or Minneapolis locals.
April 7, 2017
Makes me think twice about having a house by a lake. Absolutely horrifying.
January 24, 2019
Could have been so much more.
A by the numbers creature feature that sometimes veer off into extreme horror in its gore descriptions. Could have been a pretty good read if it wasn’t for the semi-sociopath protagonist and her constant stream of thoughts that make you dislike her more with every page.
A by the numbers creature feature that sometimes veer off into extreme horror in its gore descriptions. Could have been a pretty good read if it wasn’t for the semi-sociopath protagonist and her constant stream of thoughts that make you dislike her more with every page.
September 1, 2018
Short gory story.
July 12, 2024
More straightforward horror than other books I’ve read by Emma Alice Johnson, this one boasts sickening gore alongside a thoughtful and empathetic exploration of a new homeowner’s neurosis.
July 16, 2018
Lake Lurkers is a super-fun creature feature nestled in the bizarro/splatterpunk genre. Starring Tess, a hard working business woman who has finally secured her dream lakefront property (her castle, as she thinks of it) only to have her paradise threatened when the lake itself turns out to contain a number of (really superbly realised) hungry creatures with an insatiable taste for flesh.
So sure, it’s pulp - glorious, unabashed pulp. There’s a series of chapters where the creatures claim victims just off camera, building the bodycount and stoking curiosity, and when they finally arrive in full view, they do not disappoint. This is is some ways a very cinematic novel, and this is one of the ways it achieves that - you can almost picture the camera angles the director would use to tease the creatures, and in the later bigger setpieces, the action is brilliantly and economically described.
So the titular Lurkers are a big part of what made this novel so fun to read, but the other part of it that really worked well for me were the characters. They are broad, but never characters - even the clueless, hyper-suspicious cops manage to fall on just the right side of believability, somehow - and they are funny - not in a ‘gags-per-second’ kind of way, but in their personalities, and the way they interact.
Chief of these is our lead character, Tess.
Tess is a wonderful creation - she’s unapologetically materialistic, and basically just plain doesn’t like other people that much - she doesn’t hate them, or anything, she’s not a mean person in that way - she just genuinely prefers her own company. Her relationship with randall, her sweet but vaguely clueless boyfriend is especially well drawn, painting a funny, but also oddly touching portrait of a vaguely dysfunctional but still oddly sweet couple.
Tess’s interactions with her neighbours are similarly gleefully funny, and her reactions once she realises what’s really going on are brilliantly layered, as she wrestles with both her emotions and the practicality of survival. Her closing line in the novel is kind of an exemplar of this, as it serves as both a sitcom punchline and also a genuine signifier of her journey.
One of the things I’m increasingly coming to realise is that the genre of pulp comes with a lot of negative baggage. I think a lot of people immediately associate it with cliched characters and situations, stock plots, and schlocky violence.
This isn’t that. The characters are funny, yes, but also functional, the pacing is sublime (I ripped though the book in 3 or 4 days), the action is well realised and vivid, and there’s a lot of very smart things going on under the hood.
At the same time, those smart things never get in the way of telling a fast paced horror story in the grand tradition of the creature feature. If that sounds like your kind of thing, I’d give Lake Lurkers a spin, because honestly, I feel like it’s kind of an exemplar of the form.
So sure, it’s pulp - glorious, unabashed pulp. There’s a series of chapters where the creatures claim victims just off camera, building the bodycount and stoking curiosity, and when they finally arrive in full view, they do not disappoint. This is is some ways a very cinematic novel, and this is one of the ways it achieves that - you can almost picture the camera angles the director would use to tease the creatures, and in the later bigger setpieces, the action is brilliantly and economically described.
So the titular Lurkers are a big part of what made this novel so fun to read, but the other part of it that really worked well for me were the characters. They are broad, but never characters - even the clueless, hyper-suspicious cops manage to fall on just the right side of believability, somehow - and they are funny - not in a ‘gags-per-second’ kind of way, but in their personalities, and the way they interact.
Chief of these is our lead character, Tess.
Tess is a wonderful creation - she’s unapologetically materialistic, and basically just plain doesn’t like other people that much - she doesn’t hate them, or anything, she’s not a mean person in that way - she just genuinely prefers her own company. Her relationship with randall, her sweet but vaguely clueless boyfriend is especially well drawn, painting a funny, but also oddly touching portrait of a vaguely dysfunctional but still oddly sweet couple.
Tess’s interactions with her neighbours are similarly gleefully funny, and her reactions once she realises what’s really going on are brilliantly layered, as she wrestles with both her emotions and the practicality of survival. Her closing line in the novel is kind of an exemplar of this, as it serves as both a sitcom punchline and also a genuine signifier of her journey.
One of the things I’m increasingly coming to realise is that the genre of pulp comes with a lot of negative baggage. I think a lot of people immediately associate it with cliched characters and situations, stock plots, and schlocky violence.
This isn’t that. The characters are funny, yes, but also functional, the pacing is sublime (I ripped though the book in 3 or 4 days), the action is well realised and vivid, and there’s a lot of very smart things going on under the hood.
At the same time, those smart things never get in the way of telling a fast paced horror story in the grand tradition of the creature feature. If that sounds like your kind of thing, I’d give Lake Lurkers a spin, because honestly, I feel like it’s kind of an exemplar of the form.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews