This is book 5 of Ivy and Bean, and it was HILARIOUS! I was laughing and laughing.
The title's a pun: Of course, Ivy and Bean are bound to be bad (as in acting out), but in this book they also end up tied up (literally) as a result of their bad behavior.
Bean is a wild little girl who plays jokes on people, has a smart mouth, and loves playing outside and getting dirty. Ivy wears dresses, reads tons of books, and is very soft-spoken. They are best friends and have many adventures together.
Bean is contemplating her badness levels after she gets scolded by her parents and older sister multiple times. She tries to play House with Katy (after Katy refuses to play Starving Orphans) but quickly gets bored. She goes to Ivy's house to find her standing silently in the garden, with her arms raised to the sky. Bean asks her what she is doing, and Ivy replies that she's trying to be good. She only whispers.
"Why do you have to be so quiet about it?" Now Bean was whispering too.
"Because I don't want to scare the birds away. I'm trying to be so good that birds land on my fingers and wolves come out of the woods and follow me down the street," Ivy explained.
Bean stared. "Why would being good make birds land on your fingers and wolves do whatever you just said?"
"I found out about it yesterday. If you're super-good and pure of heart, animals think you're one of them and they love you and follow you around."
Ivy's arms were trembling. She must have been holding them up for a while. "Are you sure about this?" asked Bean.
"Positive. I saw it in a picture. There was this guy with birds flying all around him and a wolf licking his foot. My mom said this guy was so good that wild beasts talked to him and birds swarmed after him."
"I don't get it. WHY did the birds swarm after him?"
"Because his heart was so pure and kind that they saw that he was the same as an animal on the inside. They loved him," Ivy said.
Ivy and Bean make a plan to be so good and pure of heart that birds will come to them. They are starting with birds and not wolves because birds are stupider. They think nice thoughts about everyone - even Crummy Matt who lives down the street and tells kids that chocolate milk is brown because there is poop in it.
When this "good thoughts" thing doesn't work, they decide to stop reform something bad, namely Crummy Matt, and therefore they would be doing something very good. Bean says that "that would mean we were so good that we could infect other people with our goodness."
First, they stop at Ivy's house for a snack. This leads to a hilarious conversation with Ivy's mom.
They walked towards the living room. Ivy's mom was lying on the couch with cucumbers all over her face. By now Bean was so good she didn't even laugh.
"Bye, Mom," said Ivy. "I love you."
Ivy's mom lifted her head a little. A cucumber fell on the floor. "What?"
"I love you."
"Where are you going? It sounds like you're leaving forever," said Ivy's mom. More cucumbers fell off her face.
"We're going over to Matt's," said Ivy.
"You are? I thought you didn't like him," said Ivy's mom.
"Sure I like him," said Ivy. "I love everybody."
"You do?" Ivy's mom sounded surprised.
"Yes I do," said Ivy.
"It's no good saying it inside," Bean pointed out. "The birds can't hear you."
"Birds?" said Ivy's mom. "What birds?"
"We might have a bunch of birds coming to visit," explained Ivy.
"And something else, too," said Bean. "Something with lots of teeth. But don't worry."
I was laughing hysterically by this point, and things only get stranger.
Ivy and Bean approach Crummy Matt on their mission to "infect people with good." He's standing in front of a bunch of kids, holding his pet rat, Blister, by the tail. It's very cruel, and this part makes me anxious.
Ivy begs Matt to put Blister down. He doesn't. Then Ivy makes an impassioned plea, and promises to be his friend forever if he puts the rat down. Surprisingly, he does, but only to rip the headband off Ivy's head and throw it in the street.
Once again, Ivy and Bean try very hard to be good. But it isn't working. Then Ivy has a wonderful idea. What if Bean was bad? Very, very bad? Then Ivy, the good and pure of heart, could reform Bean. Surely that would be good enough to get all the little animals to love them.
At this point the book gets kind of crazy, with Bean acting as bad as she knows how - and it turns out being bad is WAY more contagious than being good. Needless to say, the neighborhood becomes under attack of a bunch of little kids acting out. Hilarity ensues.
As in the last book (4), I felt that this installment showed nice progression (better than books 1,2, and 3). The book starts out in one place (Bean feeling bad about being a "bad girl"), going to a totally different place (Ivy and Bean's plan to be good and pure of heart), turning into Bean acting horrid on purpose so that Ivy can reform her, and ending in a totally different place that I won't spoil for you. It's very satisfying to read a chapter books for little kids that actually goes somewhere instead of having chapters that just divide up the same long idea. This book and book 4 allows the reader to go on an actual journey, just like in a book aimed at older audiences. I really appreciate this, and I think parents will too - especially if their child still likes being read out loud to.
I thought Ivy's idea of being good in order to charm animals to be HILARIOUS and something that a 7-year-old would actually try. Bean becoming "bad" and Ivy chasing her around begging her to repent was also very funny. This is the funniest installment in the series so far.
However, a big drawback in this book is animal cruelty in the form of holding a rat up by it's tail (and for a long time) which really, really bothers me. Pet rats are so stoic, sweet, loving and cute and it tears me up to see one being treated like this. It's true there is a kind of "happy ending" for poor little Blister, but it pains me to think of him living out his short, furry life in Matt's clutches. :(
All in all, Barrows does a great job of getting into a 7-year-old's head.