No Idea

by Si Page

Estranged from his family and dumped by his best friend, Rob Wise should be in the prime of his life, but being unlucky in love and living with depression has him trapped and living in the past.

Sharing a run-down flat with two layabouts and a girl called Pit Bull has brought Rob nothing but poor health, writer’s block and an empty bank account.

Rob finds real inspiration when he meets the sassy and attractive Grace Stein, but soon their world is thrown into turmoil. A neighbour’s missing grandson leads them into the murky and criminal underworld of the Dark Web and contract killers.

Who can they trust? Will it be fight or flight?

Follow Rob's journey where the lives of those he loves are at stake and truth is stranger than fiction.

320 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 1, 2016

About the author

Si Page was born in Romford, Essex in 1970 and grew up with a love of football, films, frolicking and females (the priority of the four 'F's reversed during his teenage years).

After attending three different senior schools, Si decided that it was a waste of time turning up for his GCE exams and bunked off to head for the workplace as a carpet fitter where he found the YTS scheme waiting with no more than twenty-something quid a week and a clip round the ear for cutting carpet 'very wonky'.

Si describes the next ten years of his working life in grim fashion: 'I worked as a telesales 'thingy' (ew), vending machine salesman (spit), insurance clerk (snore), debt collector (ouch), recruitment consultant (I liked that one) and a mortgage broker (I worked for sharks and didn't last long).'

Things were soon to change drastically in 1996, when Si decided to become a 'real' student and study for a B.A. Hons. Theology Degree somewhere outside of Essex, in a strange land called 'The North'. Things were reportedly so bad 'oop North', that Si expected to be living among whippet-racing peasants dressed in shell suits, living off a diet of mushy peas. Oh, and statistically, Northerners tend to have a habit of dying much younger.

Si was concerned about something called the North-South divide and mistook it for the Northern and Southern Hemispheres, where he believed that pollution due to population density must have been the reason for poor health among Northerners and not just the mushy peas.

After a car journey up the M6 motorway to a grassy dwelling called Cheshire, Si survived three years of student life and the carcass served up in the college canteen. He finished his degree in 1999 and until 2007 he worked as a Reverend in the North West of England - Merseyside and Lancashire. Si planned that among more sophisticated company, he would say that he resided a few miles away from two world class golfing resorts - the first near Royal Birkdale, and the second, a few cosy miles from Royal Lytham.

Simon has since been involved in a number of creative projects, including an Oscar-nominated short film called 'Most'. His first novel was a very successful comedy (with over 161 reviews) called, Missing Gretyl (also a screenplay). His second was a tongue-in-cheek parody and satirical work on David Cameron, called 'The Inside Scoop: The Secret Journal of a Prime Minister,' and his third and most recent is an exciting novel called NO IDEA, released on 1st December 2016.

Si is also working on three other books at present, which include the sequel to Missing Gretyl, a Billy Elliott-type adventure called, The Collar, and more recently, a comedy with the working title: The Holiday.

Si has two lovely boys called Ruben and Freddie and has been married for 27 years to a beautiful lady called Solana, who prior to meeting Si, enjoyed the full use of her mental faculties.

Totally dedicated to writing these days, Si has taken his classroom humour, workplace banter and on a more serious note, life skills from the pastorate, to write funny, challenging and original drama.

There's plenty more to come... watch this space!

You can also find out more about Si Page on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/SiPageauthor/ and Twitter http://twitter.com/Siberpasta

Reviews

[Jules · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book!

No Idea is a mystery romance, which is both thought provoking and emotional in places. With a great mix of characters, humour, adventure and an interesting twister of a plot, I think this would make a great TV mystery drama series.

This book takes the reader on a journey, as Rob Wise (or should that be not-so-wise, seeing as he seems to have no idea about a lot of things in his life), experiences transition and self-improvement on a personal, professional and spiritual level. Covering as far back as Rob’s childhood, there is a hint of coming-of-age to this storyline, although the main focus is on Rob’s life as an adult.

The reader enters Rob’s life when it has pretty much hit rock bottom. The way he was living with his housemates made me think of a cross between Trainspotting and Spike (the bloke in pants) in Notting Hill. Rob has SAD, which is a form of depression and has lost all motivation. He has no idea what he is about to face and how much his life is about to change.

This story keeps you guessing throughout. Initially, I had no idea where the story was going to take me, but then things started to take shape, and I thought I knew what was going to happen, but then something would be thrown in to the mix which left me with no idea where the story was going all over again. I think the title, No Idea is great, as it not only reflects Rob’s life, but also the reader’s experience of the story and nothing being quite as it seems.

If you fancy a book that has you giggling, gasping and guessing, then this is probably the book for you.

[Maxine (Booklover Catlady) · Rating 3 out of 5]

You know those books that leave you feeling conflicted whilst reading? This was one of those books for me. I really enjoyed parts of it, was thrown off by other bits and bored more than once.

I'm going to do my best to give a balanced honest review.Firstly I really liked the way the book kicked off. I liked Rob and his assortment of dysfunctional housemates. I was interested in his saddened state of mind and could see glimpses of humour in there.

Then we get introduced to Rob's neighbour, Mrs Popov and there were some very cringeworthy moments. Her son has gone missing she shares and Rob is intrigued by the mystery of where Alexei has gone. He's a writer so his writer's brain is working away on what the truth could be.

Here's my first issue. Mrs Popov is obviously portrayed as foreign (Russian) but her speech is written nothing like someone even with English as their second language is spoken. She literally speaks like Yoda.

'Rob, help find my Alexei you must. Alone, I am alvays, and, missing him, I do, so much.'

and...

'Young man, very direct, you are. Blush at your inviting I vould, but I'm vorldly voman. Anyway, any sugar I have not, my dear.'

It's through every conversation and went from slightly amusing to really irritating rather quickly for me dear readers. You may be more tolerant. I get it's written to be funny.

The plot takes some unexpected turns as Rob begins sleuthing and then romance enters his life and the story. The romance is very lovely-dovey, very perfect and is written with a Christian message through it. That doesn't bother me (I'm a Christian myself) but it seemed a strange mash of genre directions within one book. It was unexpected. It started to lose me.

I liked some characters and really didn't connect with others. Some bits are great, others lack the oomph required. The build up and the ending again I really enjoyed. It was well-written, an interesting reveal and I sparked up heading towards the end of the book.

For me, the mix-up of genres was a bit messy, I would have loved the romantic element to have more faults, realism, imperfections like most new relationships do. It was a bit too nice if that's at all possible.

Oh I hate doing reviews like this. I wanted to love it, kicked off with high hopes but I read hundreds of books every year and either a book grabs me and stays with me or it doesn't.

This was an okay read. Reviewer friends of mine gave it 5 stars. If you like a bit of romance tossed in with some mystery served up with a side of human nature you will like No Idea. Oh! and if you can cope with the Yoda-speak from Mrs Popov. I can't say I've heard anybody from Russia or Eastern Europe speak in that way except at Star Wars conventions. I should be laughing but it just got too much.

I'm going to give a comedy book Si Page has written a go as I can see the potential with the humour in this novel. I suspect I'll lean towards feeling "funny" is what he does really well.

I read a copy of this book for the author, all review opinions are my own and totally unbiased.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Si Page’s novel, No Idea, started with plenty of humour and satire where we are taken on a light-hearted journey of what life is like for Rob. He’s getting nowhere with life and with his flat mates and there really doesn’t feel much hope for any of them.

Rob is very much down on his luck and even though you can see good in him and his flat mates Martin and Rupert as well as Martin’s live in girlfriend, Michaela, they are all in a rut and no one has done anything to get out of it.

Rob to a certain extent reminded me of a male version of Bridget Jones. He is pretty much unlucky in everything. He is a sweet guy though who seems to get taken advantage of quite often. He is very caring and mindful of his elderly neighbour Mrs Popov, whose Russian accent reminded me of the back-to-front sentences of the Yoda character from Star Wars. When Rob starts to look closely into why her grandson has gone missing the whole story starts to get very intense and gripping.

Rob’s life takes a whole new direction when he stands up for himself and moves out of his own flat to move in with his mum. Here he continues to take stock of his life and the opportunities for change. Through his mum he meets Grace, the love interest, and as the audience does with Bridget, we are very much routing for things to come good for Rob.

No Idea is a novel which holds a lot of surprises and doesn’t quite go in the direction you think it will. It starts off as a humorous story which then turns into a nail biting, edge of your seat read before turning into quite an emotional one. It was certainly a roller coaster of a read.

The author has created characters that the reader quickly warms to and I’m sure there is a lesson in this story somewhere about true friendship and staying true to yourself. No Idea is yet another wonderful read from this author.

[Philippa Mckenna · Rating 4 out of 5]

The other day, I read a book called 'No Idea' which was written by Simon Page, who is a really lovely friend of mine. Oh how I loved it, and not only was I honoured to have my name included as one of the characters, I was also one of the first to be allowed to read the book. It hasn't been published yet. 'No Idea' is about poor Rob Wise, who really has got no idea! Holed up in a cesspit of a flat with his mates who behave like leeches is doing Rob no good. Cue an exciting turn of events, a crime to investigate and some good old fashioned loving, and things soon start to look up for our Rob. I loved the characters in this book, and really enjoyed the sad times and the bits that had me laughing out loud. It was also great to see some familiar names popping up here and there! An excellent read and 4.5 juicy stars from me. If Si manages to get this book published, I'd urge you all to read it. So add it to your reading lists!

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very funny book in parts but also serious . Rob Wise is sharing a grubby flat with two layabouts Rob the alcoholic and Martin who's Girlfriend Pitbull is the only one working. When Robs neighbor Mrs popov asks Rob for a favour , that's when the fun and games begin . I was given an arc of this book from Si Page and loved it . 5 stars from me

[Kath Middleton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rob Wise is a mixed up lad. He rents a flat using money he inherited from his granddad and has thwarted literary ambitions. He and a friend entered a writing contest as in their teens. The friend won and is now a best seller. He dropped Rob and they now have no contact. Eventually Granddad’s money runs out. He’s a good-natured man and his kindness to a neighbour leads him into trouble he couldn’t have envisaged.

Rob, on the surface, has many reasons to be angry but generally speaking, he overcomes them. His relationship with his mother grows as the story unfolds, as does his friendship with Grace, who initially gives him half a haircut! There’s a bit of philosophy, romance, adventure and danger and, if you know Simon Page’s writing, you’ll not be disappointed to find there’s rather a lot of humour and fun. However, I felt the comedy neighbour a bit hard to swallow and the romance a little too sweet for my taste. On the whole, though, a jolly good read.

I received a review copy from the author.

[Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

AUDIOBOOK REVIEW

I really enjoyed this audio as it felt very real. The characters were well developed and interesting and I really felt for Rob and his bad luck and wanted things to work out for him. This is a fun and exciting audio and I will be on the look out for more by this author. The narration by David Jacobs was great too

[Selina Trafford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short, sweet, funny and a joy to read. An aspiring author is put off by rejection and just kind of exists but doesn't live. His neighbour gives him reason to come out of himself and he realises there is more to life. He grabs the chances he has been given with gusto even though they aren't always seemingly good and thrives.

I love a happy ending.

[Fiona Mccormick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you so much Simon for the preview copy of No Idea. I really enjoyed this book and loved the main character Rob. When we first meet him, his life is at a low point, he lives in the flatshare from hell, estranged from family, is a bit of a recluse and is extremely unlucky in love. After a rare day out, he is traumatised by a series of hilarious events and decides things have to change.
I loved his relationship with the elderly neighbour Mrs Popov, he tries to help her by tracking down her long lost grandson. However, one thing leads to another and he is soon involved with some dodgy characters and in some dangerous situations with the book evolving into a thriller with some extremely tense moments.
This was an excellent read, I found it really funny and it appealed to my sense of humour. It was also touching and sad at times, and ultimately I felt it was quite an uplifting read. I would certainly recommend this book.

[Craig Gillan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this book, great characters and storyline

[Janet Gogerty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another completely original novel by this author. We start off in a dark and darkly humorous place; it couldn't get much worse, but Rob Wise makes the effort to pull himself out and he is starting on a journey to a new life in more ways than one, but not before a roller coaster of events in which our naive hero and heroine are in great danger. Amidst the fun and disaster there is a deeper message, no person is beyond forgiving or being forgiven.

[Ange · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a wonderful story! My emotions fluctuated constantly while reading No Idea, as this book has it all - humour, sadness, romance and mystery - and friendships and family relationships which developed throughout. Highly recommended!

[Melanie Lewis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Provided me with a bit of a conundrum, this book. My first thought was, "do we need fictional books promoting religion?". Well of course we do, to counteract all the fictional books, (and factual realities), where psychopaths murder, maim and cause mayhem in the name of religion. Then I thought if I was happy with the idea of Grace Stein giving up her Jewish identity to turn to Christianity? That was a harder question for me, as with a strong Jewish identity myself, I thought it was an anathema. But that was wrong too; because does it really matter whether someone finds their faith and support in a church, synagogue or mosque? Not at all, so long as they have a firm belief in being a good human being and giving back to mankind, I don't really mind if they believe in Jesus, Moses or fairies at the bottom of the garden. Then what I thought is, "how clever is Si Page?". He's written what would appear on the surface to be a light, frothy, easy read, which it really was, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. But if one looks slightly deeper and becomes invested in Rob, it brings a number of questions about faith, all faith, to the surface. An excellent story, which provides plenty of opportunity for some deep, theological and religious thinking. Highly recommended. Mazel Tov Mr Page!

[Jo · Rating 5 out of 5]

NO IDEA by SI PAGE
5 ⛤

I finally got time to finish this new book by our wonderful friend Simon Page. (Sorry it took so long).

The story follows Rob Wise, who has lived a life of betrayals by those closest to him and failures which have left him feeling quite cynical and rightly so. He is now in his early 30s and wants to change his life but first he needs to make peace with his past.

He has also befriended Mrs Popov, the little old Russian lady next door who speaks just like Yoda! Mrs Popov has told him about her Grandson and how she is worried about him so Rob tells her he will help her find him.

This is the start of the story and it only gets more mysterious, more intriguing, and a whole lot better. Mystery, intrigue, love, surprises and shocks galore, does that whet your appetite?

[Niamh bonner · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was another of those books I was wary of because I dont do funny. It started off humourous but the story moved into my favourite genre of mystery and mayhem 😁. Nice flowing story

[Judith Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like Simon's first book, Missing Gretyl, it took me a bit of time to get into the book. However, once I did, I thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the book & how the characters developed.

[Debs · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is different from Missing Gretyl but still a fabulous read. In a way it was a slow start but I was glad of the character build up of Rob I really felt for him and many of us have been in a similar situation where something 'clicks' & sends you on an upward path. The writing is so that I could picture the characters in my mind (which is what I need/love from authors)
A great book that takes you with Rob, Grace & family - sad, funny & had me holding my breath at times - loved it! A definite 'must read'

[Aisha · Rating 5 out of 5]

No Idea is a wonderful book which drew me in and kept me hooked until the last page! The descriptions are rather excellent, I could've been right there with the characters as the story took place. At times sad and sometimes hugely funny, I'd say the author has found the perfect balance.
I highly recommend this book. Perfect if you need a feel-good book that isn't your standard 'chick-lit' as that gets samey and repetitive after a while!

[Dee-Cee It's all about the books · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will be totally honest and tell you that I had No Idea what this book was about when I started reading it, I didn’t look at the blurb so went in totally blind and had not a clue what to expect. I had however seen it mentioned on Facebook and the authors other book Missing Gretyl has had rave reviews so I hoped I would enjoy it.

And enjoy it I did, what an absolute pleasure it was to read this book. I was taken with Rob from the very beginning, although he annoyed me a bit to start with and I wanted to tell him to get his act together, I was intrigued to find out his story and why he was so down on his luck and I soon found myself rooting for him. I really loved the narration of Mrs Popov, Robs Russian elderly neighbour with her Yoda style speech. It’s here when Rob agrees to help find her missing grandson that things really take a turn and all may not be as it seems.

The story was well plotted and is full of humour, romance and mystery and I found myself holding my breath at some points with a few omg’s thrown in for good measure. Really it has a bit of everything and I found myself turning pages into the small hours wanting to find out what happened next.

This really was a thoroughly good read and i highly recommend it.

[S.C. Skillman · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a curious mixture of genres this book is. I enjoyed the writing which was extremely good. The first few chapters are a gritty ultra-realistic portrayal of a group of young people living in squalor and self-inflicted deprivation in a London flat; beautifully described and very funny. But I did feel it was a little long-drawn-out. After the first couple of chapters I got the picture that Rob, the MC, was depressed, mired in a sense of failure, regret, and low self-esteem, and being exploited by his flatmates who were all living life on a pretty low level. I was ready to move on with the story at that point. When the author does start to develop a plot, it's exciting, ingenious and fast-moving, as Rob sets out on a quest involving his Russian neighbour and her supposedly lost grandson. Then, later, several confused identities and true agendas are unravelled and the story moves on into a romance, followed by a rather idealised travelogue, and finally the resolution of an earlier source of angst about Rob's family relationships and writing career. I felt the structure of the novel lacked cohesion. Nevertheless it was intriguing, held me captive to the end, and worthy of 4 stars.

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading “No idea” by Si Page seems a tiny bit to me, like reading a slightly veiled personal account wrapped up in a very engaging story. There appears to be much gleaned from Mr Page’s personal experience here. The torment of the(as yet) unfulfilled literary endeavour rings very true and an obvious erring towards the examination of Christian Faith seem par for the course for a reasonably new author whose previous career trajectory was as a pastor.


Of course there is a lot more to offer here, but much (as is always a good thing in these sorts of gritty comedic books) seems to be fairly factual.

One would hope that Simon’s friends and living conditions were not quite so squalid and unsavoury in his formative years as are those of our anti Hero- Rob, but the grotty flat mates and the almost fetid hopelessness of the poor man when we first meet him certainly lend themselves to much blackish humour.

I could not help but warm to the hapless young man, who could blame him for allowing himself to sink so low before dragging himself up by the Croc strap when his formative years were filled with loss and abandonment, so in a way he stomachs his two horrendous lodgers for far longer than he should because they at least are constants in his very small sphere and even filth ridden stinking stability is better than no stability at all.

Rob is also emotionally unavailable resulting in him only having one friend outside his flat an old lady another exceptionally lonely soul seeking completion via a reconnection with family. She like Rob himself seeks solace in trying to engineer familial connection.

As events unfold, he finds a path to forgiving the sins of his parents that have left him emotionally scarred into his thirties, he finds a pretty and joyful soulmate to share his adventures both exciting and Domestic and ultimately he finds it in himself to brave the world to finally fight for his due.

No idea is a book about Russians and Cybercrime, but also about redemption, Love and justice,I thoroughly enjoyed it and recommend it to anyone who has been thwarted in the literary, electronic or romance arenas, there is something here for everyone.

[Sue Le-Heup · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oh dear, sadly this did not work for me, i loved Missing Gretyl but I found myself in a monty python/ faulty towers sketch. Too much going on, started well and the descriptions of Rob and his housemates abode left little to the imagination but I found Mrs Popov and Alexi, Russian Mafia, God and more godliness and then family, drink drugs and so on and on just too much for me