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How to Listen So People Will Talk: Build Stronger Communication and Deeper Connections
How Listening Well Builds Stronger Communication and Deeper Connections
No relationship is perfect--but it can be better . The secret to stronger relationships isn't to become more charming or funny or to solve the world's problems or to just try harder. All you have to do is listen . It's that simple.
Yet our noisy culture hasn't equipped us to do this. With warmth and a touch of humor, personal coach and expert communicator Becky Harling shares simple, practical listening tools that will help you become a person others are drawn to and want to spend time with, as well as how
· be fully present
· offer understanding instead of advice
· ask great questions
· create a sense of safety and trust
· manage your body language
· and more!
When you learn to listen well, your marriage will grow stronger, your parenting will flourish, your friendships will thrive, and your influence at work will increase. You will be amazed at how one simple act can transform the hearts of others--as well as your own.
No relationship is perfect--but it can be better . The secret to stronger relationships isn't to become more charming or funny or to solve the world's problems or to just try harder. All you have to do is listen . It's that simple.
Yet our noisy culture hasn't equipped us to do this. With warmth and a touch of humor, personal coach and expert communicator Becky Harling shares simple, practical listening tools that will help you become a person others are drawn to and want to spend time with, as well as how
· be fully present
· offer understanding instead of advice
· ask great questions
· create a sense of safety and trust
· manage your body language
· and more!
When you learn to listen well, your marriage will grow stronger, your parenting will flourish, your friendships will thrive, and your influence at work will increase. You will be amazed at how one simple act can transform the hearts of others--as well as your own.
176 pages, Paperback
Published August 1, 2017
62 people are currently reading
267 people want to read
About the author
Becky Harling
22 books35 followersBECKY HARLING has a degree in Biblical Literature and is a sought-after speaker and Bible teacher at women's conferences and retreats. Through her writing, Becky creatively combines deep biblical insight with her powerful testimony and the stories of other women. Her life experiences as a pastor's wife, parent of four adult children, grandmother of five grandchildren, women's ministries director, survivor of breast cancer and sexual abuse bring depth to her message. She brings a message of hope and healing that is refreshingly transparent. Becky is a gifted communicator with a passion for helping women find hope, healing, freedom, and ultimately life transformation through Jesus Christ. She is the author of Rewriting Your Emotional Script, Freedom From Performing, The 30 Day Praise Challenge, The 30 Day Praise Challenge for Parents, and How to Listen So People Will Talk.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 63 reviews
October 11, 2017
Age Appropriate For: 13 and up (for brief mention of hard things in author’s past)
Best for Ages: 18 and up
I love to talk, but the Bible clearly says that we are to be quick to listen and slow to speak. As I have trouble doing this, I was excited to read this book. It didn’t disappoint me. I found myself being convicted, encouraged, and given practical steps to become a better listener.
This is a small book, but it took me a while to go through it. Why? Because it was jammed packed with a lot of good material. I read a chapter and then did all the activities / answered all the questions. There were a few days I knew I wouldn’t have time, so I waited until I did. If you go through this book, I highly recommend doing all the stuff at the end of the chapter to really get the full impact.
The style in which this book is written is very engaging. I have loved books by Becky Harling since I read 30 Days of Praise. She is honest, funny at times, and kind. She doesn’t have a problem with telling it like it is, yet does it in a kind and gentle manner.
The only issue I had was that I felt that, in her chapter about giving advice, she made it sound as if it is never okay to confront people. While not the main point of the chapter, I think it is very clear from the scripture that there is a time and a place for Christians to confront fellow believers about their sin. Some people might also might want to know that she briefly mentions that she was sexually abused as a child.
I have a list that I am starting of books I wish every Christian would read. This has made that list (Connecting by Larry Crabb is also on the list). I think it is a powerful book on a topic that is much easier ignored. If that doesn’t tell you enough about how much I like it, know that this book WILL be on my top ten books for this year.
I highly recommend this book for every Christian, those that want to deepen their friendships, and anyone who wants to become a better listener.
I received this book for reviewing purposes. I was not required to give a positive review.
Best for Ages: 18 and up
I love to talk, but the Bible clearly says that we are to be quick to listen and slow to speak. As I have trouble doing this, I was excited to read this book. It didn’t disappoint me. I found myself being convicted, encouraged, and given practical steps to become a better listener.
This is a small book, but it took me a while to go through it. Why? Because it was jammed packed with a lot of good material. I read a chapter and then did all the activities / answered all the questions. There were a few days I knew I wouldn’t have time, so I waited until I did. If you go through this book, I highly recommend doing all the stuff at the end of the chapter to really get the full impact.
The style in which this book is written is very engaging. I have loved books by Becky Harling since I read 30 Days of Praise. She is honest, funny at times, and kind. She doesn’t have a problem with telling it like it is, yet does it in a kind and gentle manner.
The only issue I had was that I felt that, in her chapter about giving advice, she made it sound as if it is never okay to confront people. While not the main point of the chapter, I think it is very clear from the scripture that there is a time and a place for Christians to confront fellow believers about their sin. Some people might also might want to know that she briefly mentions that she was sexually abused as a child.
I have a list that I am starting of books I wish every Christian would read. This has made that list (Connecting by Larry Crabb is also on the list). I think it is a powerful book on a topic that is much easier ignored. If that doesn’t tell you enough about how much I like it, know that this book WILL be on my top ten books for this year.
I highly recommend this book for every Christian, those that want to deepen their friendships, and anyone who wants to become a better listener.
I received this book for reviewing purposes. I was not required to give a positive review.
April 11, 2019
Couldn't get through it. Great premise, but there was way too much focus on God/Jesus and it was distracting to the reader if that's not your belief system. The author could have made her point without bringing religion into it, but since religion is so central to her argument, it might make sense to mention this in the main book description.
Otherwise, it was great advice in terms of not interrupting people, not giving advice that is not solicited, and asking questions. It just wasn't accessible to Atheists/Agnostics or people who study Hinduism/Judaism/Sikhism/Islam/any other religion except the author's.
Otherwise, it was great advice in terms of not interrupting people, not giving advice that is not solicited, and asking questions. It just wasn't accessible to Atheists/Agnostics or people who study Hinduism/Judaism/Sikhism/Islam/any other religion except the author's.
February 2, 2024
Yes, it did actually take me almost a year to finish this. And it's entirely my fault, not the book's. I don't have a great track record with nonfiction or how-to books in the first place, and several reading slumps where even fiction suffered definitely didn't help.
But I got through it! Here's the thing. The main problems I had connecting with the book weren't objective issues; they were mainly a mismatch between my personality and the author's, and therefore I had trouble translating the tips into my own life, especially in the early chapters. Here's the issue: I'm very much an introvert and feel very awkward in social situations. I want to talk to people and listen to people and do it much better than I already do, but--my mind goes blank, and I can never think of a good question to ask, or at least not until the conversation has moved five minutes and twenty topics past where it would have made sense. My mom, on the other hand, is excellent at drawing out people's stories and learning all about them and making them feel seen and valued. That's what I was hoping to get out of this book...some practical tips for those awkward social situations where I don't know what to say and neither does anyone else, apparently. Ideas for how to get people talking so that you can listen.
However, the author is very much an extrovert, and a lot of her focus, especially early on, seemed to be on how to quit talking yourself so you can listen and pay more attention to the people around you. Which is usually not my main problem--or maybe it is a problem, but it's more of a secondary problem to the not knowing how to ask questions. So when I first started the book, I was disappointed that all the focus seemed to be on how to be quiet yourself so that other people will naturally talk to you...which has not really been my experience. I'm sure those tips are great for other extroverts and natural talkers; it was just a total mismatch with what I'd been expecting and hoping for.
When I went back to it months later, I did find some good advice on things like slowing down (not necessarily my mouth, but just in general), being present in the moment, etc. that I can probably put to use in my life. And there's nothing wrong with any of the rest of the advice; it just didn't fit for me with where I was coming from. I think it would be a great book for you if you have a hard time being quiet yourself and listening to the others in your life. And even if you're like me, you can probably get some good lessons out of it--just know that if you're looking for advice on how to get the people around you to talk so you can listen, this is probably not what you're looking for. :)
But I got through it! Here's the thing. The main problems I had connecting with the book weren't objective issues; they were mainly a mismatch between my personality and the author's, and therefore I had trouble translating the tips into my own life, especially in the early chapters. Here's the issue: I'm very much an introvert and feel very awkward in social situations. I want to talk to people and listen to people and do it much better than I already do, but--my mind goes blank, and I can never think of a good question to ask, or at least not until the conversation has moved five minutes and twenty topics past where it would have made sense. My mom, on the other hand, is excellent at drawing out people's stories and learning all about them and making them feel seen and valued. That's what I was hoping to get out of this book...some practical tips for those awkward social situations where I don't know what to say and neither does anyone else, apparently. Ideas for how to get people talking so that you can listen.
However, the author is very much an extrovert, and a lot of her focus, especially early on, seemed to be on how to quit talking yourself so you can listen and pay more attention to the people around you. Which is usually not my main problem--or maybe it is a problem, but it's more of a secondary problem to the not knowing how to ask questions. So when I first started the book, I was disappointed that all the focus seemed to be on how to be quiet yourself so that other people will naturally talk to you...which has not really been my experience. I'm sure those tips are great for other extroverts and natural talkers; it was just a total mismatch with what I'd been expecting and hoping for.
When I went back to it months later, I did find some good advice on things like slowing down (not necessarily my mouth, but just in general), being present in the moment, etc. that I can probably put to use in my life. And there's nothing wrong with any of the rest of the advice; it just didn't fit for me with where I was coming from. I think it would be a great book for you if you have a hard time being quiet yourself and listening to the others in your life. And even if you're like me, you can probably get some good lessons out of it--just know that if you're looking for advice on how to get the people around you to talk so you can listen, this is probably not what you're looking for. :)
August 14, 2025
This is so helpful, with practical how-to's and personal stories. I wish I had read this years ago.
September 14, 2017
There are lots of good tips and ideas in the book, however coming from a more conservative church body than the author, I had difficulties with some of the theological content of the book. I enjoyed the tips on how to be a good listener and have been trying to put some of them in to place (not offering advice, asking more questions, etc). However, being one who does not believe in direct revelation from God outside of Scripture, I took issue with her asking me to listen for God's voice coming directly to me. As such, I cannot recommend this book to my friends.
This book was given to me by Bethany Publishing House in exchange for my honest review.
This book was given to me by Bethany Publishing House in exchange for my honest review.
December 11, 2024
I'm right now in Miami airport and decided to get a new book to read, I ended up getting this one as it seemed to be interesting.
I feel deceived though, on the cover, back cover, foreword etc it never said it was a religious book focused on enhanced based on praying to God and on being faithful to Jesus Christ.
I don't have anything against anyone who likes those kinds of books, but that's not what I expected by buying it, I'm quite disappointed.
The title should be something like "how to listen based on Christianity principles" on sth like this.
Just wasted 15$ and my time
I feel deceived though, on the cover, back cover, foreword etc it never said it was a religious book focused on enhanced based on praying to God and on being faithful to Jesus Christ.
I don't have anything against anyone who likes those kinds of books, but that's not what I expected by buying it, I'm quite disappointed.
The title should be something like "how to listen based on Christianity principles" on sth like this.
Just wasted 15$ and my time
August 31, 2017
I highly recommend this book. It has been a while since I have read a book containing so much insight and practical information. The topic is listening and the character traits and behaviors that make us good listeners are covered well.
The part of the book that had the greatest impact on me was the section explaining how humility is a requirement to being a good listener. Harling believes growth requires getting honest feedback. Humility is essential to listening well and getting the feedback we need.
The book includes lots of practical suggestions about life in general. If you want to appear more inviting to other people, smile more and walk with a bounce in your step. If you want to assess the emotional state of others, body language tips are given to increase our observation skills. She also has a great chapter on navigating conflict, including good suggestions for dealing with toxic people.
Harling includes many practical ideas. For example, she has questions to ask ourselves when we feel like we are compelled to give advice rather than compassionately listen. She has ideas for drawing out other people's stories. She has a great section on the necessity of being self aware and how to get there.
We Christians are admonished to be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19). That is not an easy task in our egotistical society. Harling offers biblically based practical ideas for being good listeners. If you want people to feel heard and loved, I highly recommend this book to you. In addition of great content in the text, she has added questions at the end of each chapter to help us listen to God, our heart, and others. Mastering the art of being a good listener comes with a cost but the rewards are great.
Food for thought: “...it is impossible to be a good listener without developing a humble spirit.” (Loc 453/2726)
I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.
The part of the book that had the greatest impact on me was the section explaining how humility is a requirement to being a good listener. Harling believes growth requires getting honest feedback. Humility is essential to listening well and getting the feedback we need.
The book includes lots of practical suggestions about life in general. If you want to appear more inviting to other people, smile more and walk with a bounce in your step. If you want to assess the emotional state of others, body language tips are given to increase our observation skills. She also has a great chapter on navigating conflict, including good suggestions for dealing with toxic people.
Harling includes many practical ideas. For example, she has questions to ask ourselves when we feel like we are compelled to give advice rather than compassionately listen. She has ideas for drawing out other people's stories. She has a great section on the necessity of being self aware and how to get there.
We Christians are admonished to be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19). That is not an easy task in our egotistical society. Harling offers biblically based practical ideas for being good listeners. If you want people to feel heard and loved, I highly recommend this book to you. In addition of great content in the text, she has added questions at the end of each chapter to help us listen to God, our heart, and others. Mastering the art of being a good listener comes with a cost but the rewards are great.
Food for thought: “...it is impossible to be a good listener without developing a humble spirit.” (Loc 453/2726)
I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.
September 7, 2017
How to Listen So People Will Talk
Build Stronger Communication and Deeper Connections
by Becky Harling
Bethany House
Bethany House Publishers
Christian
Pub Date 01 Aug 2017
I am reviewing a copy of How to Listen So People Will Talk through Bethany House Publishers and Netgalley:
This book encourages us to develop a deeper relationship with friends, loved ones and Colleagues by taking the time to listen. We are also reminded that we have to be willing to receive honest feedback. We are encouraged first and foremost to listen to God, then to listen to others! The excersises in the book encourage us to strengthen our listening.
This book encourages us to spend fifteen minutes a day listening to God. Really listening.
We are encouraged to be quick to listen but slow to fix.
We are also encouraged to ask great questions, that will draw others out into a conversation. We are encouraged tooto offer empathy as well as to validate feelings. Validating feelings is not the same as validating actions.
We are reminded too the importance of staying away from toxic people. People who tend to only drag us down.
I give How to Listen so People Will Talk five out of five stars!
Happy Reading!
December 10, 2024
I wanted to read “How to Listen so Your Kids Will Talk”, but this original title was the one I could access. The first few chapters, especially, felt like having a wound cleaned out: painful but surely good for me. I liked how the author interwove biblical examples and principles with specific practical listening skills to implement. Gave me a lot to work on and think about.
September 2, 2017
Great communication advice! A lot of self reflection, which is definitely important when dealing with talking and listening. A lot of examples of biblical references, but whether you are religious or not, very sound advice.
I received an advanced reader copy in exchange for a fair review.
I received an advanced reader copy in exchange for a fair review.
February 15, 2018
I am in a profession where talks matter a lot. Being a coach, it is important for me to know the clients and what to offer so that they keep coming to me. For me, listening is more important than talking.
One thing I learnt from the book is that it really helped to shift my focus from talking to listening. I am often told that I am a good listener but I was really in vague while learning the person in front of me.
Becky Harling had taught me how to listen to people so that they can open to me. The book is an eye-opener to what to ask so that I can know the person better. A must-have book for all who wants to bring a strong communication network and listen to people and offer their best.
One thing I learnt from the book is that it really helped to shift my focus from talking to listening. I am often told that I am a good listener but I was really in vague while learning the person in front of me.
Becky Harling had taught me how to listen to people so that they can open to me. The book is an eye-opener to what to ask so that I can know the person better. A must-have book for all who wants to bring a strong communication network and listen to people and offer their best.
February 7, 2024
I tried to like this book but it's effectively a Bible study. False advertising. That's not what I signed up for. There are many, MANY other books on the subject that are nondenominational, or that don't lean SO heavily into Christian scriptures.
August 28, 2017
[Note: This book was provided free of charge by Bethany House Publishing. All thoughts and opinions are my own.]
Those who know me are quite aware of the fact that I frequently lament how awkward my communications are and how silence and difficulty in having people communicate with me has long marked my own interactions with other people [1]. Both my awkwardness and my awareness of it tend to lead me to read many books on communication [2]. There are likely many such people, and this book seems to assume that there is a wide audience of people who wishes to communicate better, something that seems like a pretty fair guess as far as I am concerned. Many people are focused on talking so that people will listen, but this book offers the reverse advise, how to listen so that people will talk. Indeed, this is very necessary advice, as there are many of us--myself included--that are rather insistent on sharing our own stories but not a lot of people that really get enjoyment in listening to what others have to say in the midst of busy days or when we were are tired or impatient, which is often quite often. So, on a mere conceptual alone this book has a lot to offer to its readers.
In terms of its organization and structure, this short book (it was just over 100 pages in my e-book version) is divided into ten chapters. These chapters deal with such matters as asking people how well we listen to them, raising our self-awareness of how we act in conversations, honoring the stories of others, silencing our inner fixer, asking great questions to draw the other person out, offering empathy and validating the feelings of others, making sure our nonverbal communication lines up with our verbal statements, seeking to understand during conflict, letting go of distractions so that we can be fully present during conversations, and being available for other people. Each of the chapters includes, at its end, a series of exercises designed to help readers listen to God, listen to ourselves, and listen to others. While nothing in this book would seem particularly earth-shattering in terms of insight, the practices discussed here certainly do cut against the grain of modern existence and require observation, consideration, and self-reflection to adopt.
Although most of this book seems somewhat self-explanatory, there is a great deal of insight to be found in it. So long as someone is aware that they struggle with communication and longs to make it better, something can be done. It is pretty likely that this book, with its encouragement to be more self-aware but also more concerned with other people, will do good in helping its readers to become better and more patient listeners and the sort of people others will feel safe communicating with. There are so many people who feel burdened with stories that it would be good for there to be more people who are capable of easing that burden by being good listeners. Of course, if one wishes for a better world it is worthwhile to help the world in that regard by becoming a good listener. Someone who heeds the advice and suggestions and insight of this book will certainly be a far better listener, and that is a very good thing. This book is a useful book dealing with a common but often unrecognized problem between people.
[2] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2015...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2017...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2017...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2012...
[2] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2017...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2011...
Those who know me are quite aware of the fact that I frequently lament how awkward my communications are and how silence and difficulty in having people communicate with me has long marked my own interactions with other people [1]. Both my awkwardness and my awareness of it tend to lead me to read many books on communication [2]. There are likely many such people, and this book seems to assume that there is a wide audience of people who wishes to communicate better, something that seems like a pretty fair guess as far as I am concerned. Many people are focused on talking so that people will listen, but this book offers the reverse advise, how to listen so that people will talk. Indeed, this is very necessary advice, as there are many of us--myself included--that are rather insistent on sharing our own stories but not a lot of people that really get enjoyment in listening to what others have to say in the midst of busy days or when we were are tired or impatient, which is often quite often. So, on a mere conceptual alone this book has a lot to offer to its readers.
In terms of its organization and structure, this short book (it was just over 100 pages in my e-book version) is divided into ten chapters. These chapters deal with such matters as asking people how well we listen to them, raising our self-awareness of how we act in conversations, honoring the stories of others, silencing our inner fixer, asking great questions to draw the other person out, offering empathy and validating the feelings of others, making sure our nonverbal communication lines up with our verbal statements, seeking to understand during conflict, letting go of distractions so that we can be fully present during conversations, and being available for other people. Each of the chapters includes, at its end, a series of exercises designed to help readers listen to God, listen to ourselves, and listen to others. While nothing in this book would seem particularly earth-shattering in terms of insight, the practices discussed here certainly do cut against the grain of modern existence and require observation, consideration, and self-reflection to adopt.
Although most of this book seems somewhat self-explanatory, there is a great deal of insight to be found in it. So long as someone is aware that they struggle with communication and longs to make it better, something can be done. It is pretty likely that this book, with its encouragement to be more self-aware but also more concerned with other people, will do good in helping its readers to become better and more patient listeners and the sort of people others will feel safe communicating with. There are so many people who feel burdened with stories that it would be good for there to be more people who are capable of easing that burden by being good listeners. Of course, if one wishes for a better world it is worthwhile to help the world in that regard by becoming a good listener. Someone who heeds the advice and suggestions and insight of this book will certainly be a far better listener, and that is a very good thing. This book is a useful book dealing with a common but often unrecognized problem between people.
[2] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2015...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2017...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2017...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2012...
[2] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2017...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2011...
September 20, 2017
My thoughts…
This book contained good pointers and ideas for how to listen so people will be more willing to talk to you. It was clear and concise (not too long of a read either!–I just got behind this time 😦 ).
I liked how much Becky used scripture in this book. She pretty much used scripture to support her every point which is the way I think it should be.
Chapter five, on asking good questions was probably my favorite chapter because it gave good, constructive ideas throughout.
Loved that she used Jesus as the prime foundation and example for our conversations.
1 Peter 2:21 English Standard Version (ESV)
21 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.
I thought the point she made about gossip was good.
I liked how she said that identifying with someone’s feeling on a subject (or validating them) is good (I wouldn’t agree it’s good all the time however.) but not sinful actions. We should not support sinful feelings or actions. If we need to rebuke sinful feelings I believe that we should back it up with scripture.
I disagreed very heartily when she said that the feeling of anger isn’t sin. There IS such a thing as righteous anger—but it is VERY seldom that a person’s feeling of anger is actually righteous. And the reason I don’t believe the feeling of anger isn’t a sin is mainly because of this verse…
““You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.”
~Matthew 5:21-22 , bolding added.
Another thing I disliked was how she came from a much more feelings oriented and psychiatrist perspective.
Those two things caused me to drop a star because I felt that they were important enough to drop my rating.
Note: I received a free copy of this book from Bethany House in exchange for my honest review. All opinions here expressed are my own.
This book contained good pointers and ideas for how to listen so people will be more willing to talk to you. It was clear and concise (not too long of a read either!–I just got behind this time 😦 ).
I liked how much Becky used scripture in this book. She pretty much used scripture to support her every point which is the way I think it should be.
Chapter five, on asking good questions was probably my favorite chapter because it gave good, constructive ideas throughout.
Loved that she used Jesus as the prime foundation and example for our conversations.
1 Peter 2:21 English Standard Version (ESV)
21 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.
I thought the point she made about gossip was good.
I liked how she said that identifying with someone’s feeling on a subject (or validating them) is good (I wouldn’t agree it’s good all the time however.) but not sinful actions. We should not support sinful feelings or actions. If we need to rebuke sinful feelings I believe that we should back it up with scripture.
I disagreed very heartily when she said that the feeling of anger isn’t sin. There IS such a thing as righteous anger—but it is VERY seldom that a person’s feeling of anger is actually righteous. And the reason I don’t believe the feeling of anger isn’t a sin is mainly because of this verse…
““You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.”
~Matthew 5:21-22 , bolding added.
Another thing I disliked was how she came from a much more feelings oriented and psychiatrist perspective.
Those two things caused me to drop a star because I felt that they were important enough to drop my rating.
Note: I received a free copy of this book from Bethany House in exchange for my honest review. All opinions here expressed are my own.
September 29, 2017
This is a phenomenal book, one I highly recommend for any believer. If you think you listen well, read this anyway! I truly thought I listened well, mainly because I am typically that quiet girl who likes to ask people questions to keep attention on them and off me. However, when the author asked the reader to ask someone close to them to evaluate their listening skills, I asked my husband. I knew he would speak the truth in love, the way he always does. But honestly, I somehow expected more perfect results! He was very kind, but in addition to my listening strengths, he pointed out a few of my listening weaknesses. And I didn’t take it very well.
Can you guess one of my listening weaknesses?
Yep, I get too defensive.
But I finally surrendered my pride and dove into the book. I invite you to do the same!
I love that Becky Harling always looks to Jesus in every chapter as the perfect example of listening. If Christians are to be followers of Christ, then we need to emulate everything he says and does in the Gospels! Harling uses a wide variety of Scripture to convict, correct, and teach. She is not afraid to condemn sin such as gossip or pride, even recommending confrontation when blatant sin is involved.
Each chapter ends with three sections with exercises or things to think about. The first and most important is the Listening to God section. I believe I have grown spiritually just by sitting and listening to God as she suggests! This is something I have neglected though it is so vital to the Christian walk. The second section is Listening to Your Heart, which is more like sifting through your thoughts and feelings to find where your motives might be selfish or where you might be hurting. The last section is Listening to Others with exercises on how to practice what you just read!
I recommend that you do all the exercises. Read each chapter as slowly as you need to. Write down your answers, listen to God and your heart, pray, and think. If you truly wish to listen better to God and others, you will grow through this journey. I can tell you that my husband noticed a difference in me during my reading of this book. God can work wonders in our hearts and minds if we allow Him to!
Can you guess one of my listening weaknesses?
Yep, I get too defensive.
But I finally surrendered my pride and dove into the book. I invite you to do the same!
I love that Becky Harling always looks to Jesus in every chapter as the perfect example of listening. If Christians are to be followers of Christ, then we need to emulate everything he says and does in the Gospels! Harling uses a wide variety of Scripture to convict, correct, and teach. She is not afraid to condemn sin such as gossip or pride, even recommending confrontation when blatant sin is involved.
Each chapter ends with three sections with exercises or things to think about. The first and most important is the Listening to God section. I believe I have grown spiritually just by sitting and listening to God as she suggests! This is something I have neglected though it is so vital to the Christian walk. The second section is Listening to Your Heart, which is more like sifting through your thoughts and feelings to find where your motives might be selfish or where you might be hurting. The last section is Listening to Others with exercises on how to practice what you just read!
I recommend that you do all the exercises. Read each chapter as slowly as you need to. Write down your answers, listen to God and your heart, pray, and think. If you truly wish to listen better to God and others, you will grow through this journey. I can tell you that my husband noticed a difference in me during my reading of this book. God can work wonders in our hearts and minds if we allow Him to!
February 12, 2018
This is a non-fictional account of understanding the nuances of the Art of Listening. The book highlights the importance of listening skills and what are the required ingredients for effective communication with the help of excerpts from the Bible.
The writing style is really simple and lucid, the language is easy to comprehend and narration flows smoothly. Yet, personally for me, one major hitch I had was in understanding the biblical references. I am not an aethist and not a Christian, therefore, thanks to my little knowledge about the bible I did find it a bit difficult to get to the crux of the matter whenever Bible was referred to. However, it doesnot mean that Becky's efforts went in vain. In fact, throughout the book she has taken pains to ensure that her writings reach out to non-practitioners of Christianity as well. Also, though she has explained the Dos and Don'ts about the art of listening but maybe the impact would have been much more had she elaborated the reasons with more descriptive language.
One thing is for sure, no matter what her detractors might say, the writer has taken pains to ensure that her readers focus on listening rather than interrupting. The art of listening is slowly diminishing all because of the reducing attention span of people. Hence, need of the hour is being equipped with really good listening skills. And, the fact that the topic has been the central theme of this book makes the narrative even more interesting.
To sum up, do read this if you are a constant interrupter yourself, need to enhance your listening skills or want to know more about the art of listening or giving a patient hearing to others. This is a really good and very likeable non-fiction, especially for its language and its biblical references.
P.S - Thank you Shelly Abbott for an interesting piece of writing. This review is my honest opinion after reading the book.
The writing style is really simple and lucid, the language is easy to comprehend and narration flows smoothly. Yet, personally for me, one major hitch I had was in understanding the biblical references. I am not an aethist and not a Christian, therefore, thanks to my little knowledge about the bible I did find it a bit difficult to get to the crux of the matter whenever Bible was referred to. However, it doesnot mean that Becky's efforts went in vain. In fact, throughout the book she has taken pains to ensure that her writings reach out to non-practitioners of Christianity as well. Also, though she has explained the Dos and Don'ts about the art of listening but maybe the impact would have been much more had she elaborated the reasons with more descriptive language.
One thing is for sure, no matter what her detractors might say, the writer has taken pains to ensure that her readers focus on listening rather than interrupting. The art of listening is slowly diminishing all because of the reducing attention span of people. Hence, need of the hour is being equipped with really good listening skills. And, the fact that the topic has been the central theme of this book makes the narrative even more interesting.
To sum up, do read this if you are a constant interrupter yourself, need to enhance your listening skills or want to know more about the art of listening or giving a patient hearing to others. This is a really good and very likeable non-fiction, especially for its language and its biblical references.
P.S - Thank you Shelly Abbott for an interesting piece of writing. This review is my honest opinion after reading the book.
August 29, 2017
One of the first things that caught my attention while reading How to Listen so People will Talk is the friendly, non-judgmental, conversational tone. It is as if a friend is sitting across the table and talking to you about issues they��re facing.
Although I’m an introvert, I’m also a talker. Talkers often have so many things rolling around in their heads that they tend to interrupt or not offer their undivided attention while others are speaking to them. I, for one, could be a better listener, and could abstain from interjecting my opinions, experiences, or advice unless they’re warranted.
I love how this book gives advice with information in the Bible as a foundation. Specifically the book of Proverbs. Listening is an important gift—for the one talking to you, as well as yourself. You can’t learn and grow if you don’t listen to what God, or others, are telling you.
I also love how this book is organized. Each chapter is titled, has a related quote, and ends with an exercise section, prompting you to listen to God, listen to your heart, listen to others, and other goodies.
If you want to improve your listening and communication skills, I’m almost certain this book will inspire, encourage, and coach you.
5 Stars
Cover: Okay
Title: Like
Pages: 176
Publisher: Bethany House
I received a complimentary copy of How to Listen so People will Talk from Bethany House.
Although I’m an introvert, I’m also a talker. Talkers often have so many things rolling around in their heads that they tend to interrupt or not offer their undivided attention while others are speaking to them. I, for one, could be a better listener, and could abstain from interjecting my opinions, experiences, or advice unless they’re warranted.
I love how this book gives advice with information in the Bible as a foundation. Specifically the book of Proverbs. Listening is an important gift—for the one talking to you, as well as yourself. You can’t learn and grow if you don’t listen to what God, or others, are telling you.
I also love how this book is organized. Each chapter is titled, has a related quote, and ends with an exercise section, prompting you to listen to God, listen to your heart, listen to others, and other goodies.
If you want to improve your listening and communication skills, I’m almost certain this book will inspire, encourage, and coach you.
5 Stars
Cover: Okay
Title: Like
Pages: 176
Publisher: Bethany House
I received a complimentary copy of How to Listen so People will Talk from Bethany House.
September 25, 2017
What is the secret to an especially good relationship with anyone? According to Becky Harling in her recently released book, How to Listen so People Will Talk, it is to listen well. She says it really is just that simple.
How to Listen so People Will Talk is a short book with a lot of good information in it. Harling shares stories from her life and from the Bible to help Christians better understand how to listen and communicate with friends and family--and anyone else they come in contact with. Each chapter shares good solid information on building your listening skills. Then at the end of each chapter is a set of exercises to help you apply that information to your own life called Exercises to Strengthen Your Listening Ear. The exercises are broken down into smaller bite-sized chunks called Listening to God, Listening to Your Heart and Listening to Others.
I found How to Listen so People Will Talk to be quite helpful in building relationship communication skills. I would encourage everyone and anyone to read this book--and to do the exercises. I think reading the book slowly and doing the exercises are the key to building up a better listening skill set. This is a book that I will keep in my library to refer to again.
I received this book from Bethany House Publishers. I was not required to write a positive review in exchange for the book.
How to Listen so People Will Talk is a short book with a lot of good information in it. Harling shares stories from her life and from the Bible to help Christians better understand how to listen and communicate with friends and family--and anyone else they come in contact with. Each chapter shares good solid information on building your listening skills. Then at the end of each chapter is a set of exercises to help you apply that information to your own life called Exercises to Strengthen Your Listening Ear. The exercises are broken down into smaller bite-sized chunks called Listening to God, Listening to Your Heart and Listening to Others.
I found How to Listen so People Will Talk to be quite helpful in building relationship communication skills. I would encourage everyone and anyone to read this book--and to do the exercises. I think reading the book slowly and doing the exercises are the key to building up a better listening skill set. This is a book that I will keep in my library to refer to again.
I received this book from Bethany House Publishers. I was not required to write a positive review in exchange for the book.
September 13, 2017
Most of this is common sense, we just usually make the choice to check our email while our best friend is on the phone crying her eyes out about something her husband said to her. But to make the choice to fully hear her- Harling has some great- and practical- tips and advice to help listen to her. Not tell her how to handle that husband of hers, but truly, genuinely listen. Your friend probably just wants to vent about it and will then feel better about it, not have your advice, so sit back and pay attention.
Harling brings some wonderful Scripture into play: Proverbs 4:1 " Pay attention and gain understanding."; James 1:9 "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak." There are several more used, but God is telling us to close our mouths and open our ears.
Get advice on handling conflicts, encouraging your children, listening to someone who is depressed, and learn how and why we need to validate others. And let's not forget what our face is saying, does it match what I am feeling, saying or doing? Plus, learn the 5 B's of availability. In a time when so many people seem to be so self involved, this is a great way to learn how to be a better friend.
Harling brings some wonderful Scripture into play: Proverbs 4:1 " Pay attention and gain understanding."; James 1:9 "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak." There are several more used, but God is telling us to close our mouths and open our ears.
Get advice on handling conflicts, encouraging your children, listening to someone who is depressed, and learn how and why we need to validate others. And let's not forget what our face is saying, does it match what I am feeling, saying or doing? Plus, learn the 5 B's of availability. In a time when so many people seem to be so self involved, this is a great way to learn how to be a better friend.
September 15, 2017
If you're a chronic interrupter like I am, you'll glean wisdom from this book. The author gives practical tips for becoming a better listener, more empathetic friend, and overall more present person who prioritizes genuine relationships. Honestly, the book is short and I thought some of the advice given was "corny" and obvious, but there are definitely good takeaways. I appreciated how the author pointed to Scripture and emphasized learning to listen like Jesus. I was, however, wary of some of the theology presented around "hearing God's voice" and interpreting Scripture as it related to ideas in the book. Overall, the book provides examples that leaders are learners as well as listeners, and it contains good tips for anyone who wants better communication, depth, and understanding in their friendships, marriages, co-worker relationships, and chance encounters at the coffee shop.
*This review is based on free electronic copies provided by the publisher for the purpose of creating this review. The opinions expressed are my own.
*This review is based on free electronic copies provided by the publisher for the purpose of creating this review. The opinions expressed are my own.
October 3, 2018
My biggest struggle in life has been involved with communication. Constantly not having boundaries was the first thing that I realised that would be the biggest change bringer. The next was learning how to listen effectively.
Through this book I have discovered that God invites us into a journey of listening to his voice but also as we grow in him we become more aware of those times where we have struggled to listen. For me I learned quickly how to listen to God. Now it's time to focus on my horizontal relationships and my internal ones as well.
The God that calls us to speak boldly about our faith and share the hope we have also invites us to listen and hear the depths of the words that God has for you. This book will give you the tools to do all the above to bring life to the gospel and to the relationships you have.
Through this book I have discovered that God invites us into a journey of listening to his voice but also as we grow in him we become more aware of those times where we have struggled to listen. For me I learned quickly how to listen to God. Now it's time to focus on my horizontal relationships and my internal ones as well.
The God that calls us to speak boldly about our faith and share the hope we have also invites us to listen and hear the depths of the words that God has for you. This book will give you the tools to do all the above to bring life to the gospel and to the relationships you have.
August 19, 2017
I mastered the art of listening. Sure I did, I’ve been in ministry for a couple of decades. Oh, how wrong I was. “How to Listen So People Will Talk” woke me up to a new reality. I devoured the insights, illustrations, warnings and the rewards for someone who truly values the listening skill. I have my homework outlined. And as I put in practice the brilliant points presented in this engaging book, I believe my relationships have indeed become richer.
And to make this even a more outstanding experience, reading this book is a delight as the author keeps the reader turning pages with real-life examples, beautifully related with refreshing candor and Godly wisdom.
A must read for those who value relationships.—Janet Perez Eckles, author and international speaker.
And to make this even a more outstanding experience, reading this book is a delight as the author keeps the reader turning pages with real-life examples, beautifully related with refreshing candor and Godly wisdom.
A must read for those who value relationships.—Janet Perez Eckles, author and international speaker.
March 15, 2018
I have had this book sitting on my desk for far too long now, so I finally decided to pick it up and read it yesterday morning. Many self-help books bore me to death, but this one didn't. The theme of the book is "learning to listen to what others have to say," which is fairly simple, and is something that I'm not very good at. Normally, I prefer to mine my own business instead of listening to somebody's problems, so the book does apply to me.
Overall, How To Listen So People Will Talk is a well-written spiritual self-help book that I did find interesting to read. Now I need to apply some of the exercises from the book into my own life.
Overall, How To Listen So People Will Talk is a well-written spiritual self-help book that I did find interesting to read. Now I need to apply some of the exercises from the book into my own life.
April 20, 2020
I don't shy away from 5 stars with this book because I needed and Still need the many, Many wise words in this book. It may not be the best book I've ever read, it may not be the most flowery, the most witty, the most inventive or trendy..
But I Needed this. And (again) Still do.
I used to have strong rooted habits of some of these skills. I think most children were born with a heightened ability to innately have these skills. Maybe lifestyle as a child cultivates it well. Maybe..
Anyway,
Love this book. It has heart. It speaks to me. It is intentional and it is Christian and I Love it.
Thank you Becky Harling, for not backing down from a divine invitation to share.
But I Needed this. And (again) Still do.
I used to have strong rooted habits of some of these skills. I think most children were born with a heightened ability to innately have these skills. Maybe lifestyle as a child cultivates it well. Maybe..
Anyway,
Love this book. It has heart. It speaks to me. It is intentional and it is Christian and I Love it.
Thank you Becky Harling, for not backing down from a divine invitation to share.
August 26, 2022
This was exactly the book I needed at the exact right time.
I had always fancied myself an excellent listener. But through the in-depth, honest look at myself that Harling prompts with each chapter, I came to realize how much I still needed to learn. She does not permit the reader to skim over each topic, but uses both personal reflection exercises and practice with others to truly reveal the powerful difference between hearing and listening.
I highly recommend this book for ministers, counselors, teachers, or anyone in a position that requires regular interaction with people. It is also a helpful resource for anyone in a difficult relationship where better communication is necessary.
I had always fancied myself an excellent listener. But through the in-depth, honest look at myself that Harling prompts with each chapter, I came to realize how much I still needed to learn. She does not permit the reader to skim over each topic, but uses both personal reflection exercises and practice with others to truly reveal the powerful difference between hearing and listening.
I highly recommend this book for ministers, counselors, teachers, or anyone in a position that requires regular interaction with people. It is also a helpful resource for anyone in a difficult relationship where better communication is necessary.
February 10, 2025
While the content is useful, it is a regurgitation of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie through the Christian lens.
I stopped reading this book at 10% (a year ago) then at 59% (this year) the way through. I really tried to give it a chance and life is too short to read boring books. I’m not a Christian and was surprised when this book ended up having such a heavy Christian influence. Yes, the author is a faith-based author so I could have done prior research; however, when at the bookstore, I was intrigued by its summary (which doesn’t mention the faith at all) and took it home.
I stopped reading this book at 10% (a year ago) then at 59% (this year) the way through. I really tried to give it a chance and life is too short to read boring books. I’m not a Christian and was surprised when this book ended up having such a heavy Christian influence. Yes, the author is a faith-based author so I could have done prior research; however, when at the bookstore, I was intrigued by its summary (which doesn’t mention the faith at all) and took it home.
August 1, 2017
This book is great! It's an easy read, with the author's warm and genuine personality coming through. In just a few days I have already noticed my listening skills improving. This book will help you take a deeper look at yourself and at what some of the reasons are that you might not be a great listener. It also includes exercises at the end of every chapter to help you practice the skills outlined. It's a practical, insightful guide to help anyone improve their listening and, in turn, their relationships. I highly recommend it.
August 29, 2017
How To Listen So People Will Talk is an easy to read very informative book that will help you build a stronger way of communicating with more in depth connections. After reading this I noticed my listening skills improved and that I took more time to actually listen to who I was talking to. This book will help you to take a closer look at yourself and help you find what is blocking you from being a good listener. I like that each chapter has exercises and practice skills to help you work on what you just learned. Overall, I found this to be a very insightful book.
October 7, 2021
This book helped me recognize and pray over several areas I need to work on. I feel blessed to have the applications, suggestions, and to hear how they worked out in the lives Becky spoke of in the book. I shared so much from the book w my daughters as I went through it and they were able to use some things in their own friendships, some were read at just the right time. I spread the book out 2 months so I could really absorb and work on things and will read it through again at a later date to revive my efforts because this will be a work in progress for sure.
July 8, 2022
In my job, there is a lot of listening that I need to do. So I downloaded this book from my local library to see what I could learn. The author is a person of faith and is associated with the John Maxwell organization. I liked how her ideas were actionable, her chapters were short, and at points how open she was with her struggles with listening. I am not a fan of non-fiction books with a list at the end of each chapter giving the reader some homework. Probably not an author I will seek out again but the topic is one that I plan on learning more about.
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