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The Spiritual Journey #1
Surrender to Love: Discovering the Heart of Christian Spirituality
A Personal Growth Finalist in the 2004 Word Guild Canadian Writing Awards! "Only God deserves absolute surrender because only God can offer absolutely dependable love." In our self-reliant era, most of us recoil from the concept of surrendering to a power or authority outside ourselves. But surrender need not be seen as threatening, especially when the One to whom we surrender is the epitome of goodness and love. God doesn't want his people to respond to him out of fear or obligation. Rather, he invites us to enter into an authentic relationship of intimacy and devotion. And so God calls us to move beyond mere obedience--by surrendering to love. In this profound book, David Benner explores the twin themes of love and surrender as the heart of Christian spirituality. Through careful examination of Scripture and reflection on the Christian tradition, Benner shows how God bids us to trust fully in his perfect love. Writing with mature wisdom gleaned from many years of integrating psychological and spiritual insight, Benner demonstrates keen perception and sensitivity to the realities of spirtitual formation. In each chapter he includes meditative exercises to guide you into a greater experience of trust and spiritual transformation. God is love, and he intends for you to live in his love.Surrender to Love will lead you to an unexpected place, where yieldedness to God frees you to become who he created you to be.
112 pages, Paperback
First published April 28, 2003
488 people are currently reading
2685 people want to read
About the author
David G. Benner
44 books195 followersDavid G. Benner (PhD, York University; postdoctoral studies, Chicago Institute of Psychoanalysis) is an internationally known depth psychologist, author, spiritual guide, and personal transformation coach. He currently serves as Emeritus Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Spirituality at the Psychological Studies Institute, Richmont Graduate University. He has authored or edited more than twenty books, including Soulful Spirituality and Strategic Pastoral Counseling
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 262 reviews
June 13, 2016
Top Quotes from "Surrender to Love":
"The deepest ache of the soul is the spiritual longing for connection and belonging. No one was created for isolation. 'Nothing in creation is ever totally at home in itself,' says John O'Donohue. 'No thing is ultimately at one with itself.'" (15)
"Love is the welcome that tells us that this is where we truly belong, the assurance that we have at last found our place." (17)
"Imagine God thinking about you. What do you assume God feels when you come to mind?" (19)
"The courage to face unpleasant aspects of our inner self comes from feeling deeply loved. It also comes from the assurance that we are safe." (51)
"Surrender is saying yes to God's YES to me. It begins as I experience his wildly enthusiastic, recklessly loving affirmation of me. It grows our of soaking myself in this love so thoroughly that love for God springs up in response. Surrender to his love is the work of his Spirit, making his love ours and his nature ours." (65)
"Stepping onto the road of Christian spiritual transformation requires an encounter with the living God." (71)
"Turning toward Jesus is the heart of repentence, because this is the only real possibility of turning away from sin. Turning toward Jesus also makes clear that repentance must be an ongoing matter. It must become a way of life." (72)
"Genuine transformation requires vulnerability. It is not the fact of being loved unconditionally that is life-changing. It is the risky experience of allowing myself to be loved unconditionally." (74)
"It is only when I accept who I am that I dare to show you that self in all its vulnerability and nakedness. Only then do I have the opportunity to receive your love in a manner that makes a genuine difference." (74)
"Daring to accept myself and receive love for who I am in my nakedness and vulnerability is the indispensible precondition for genuine transformation." (74)
"What we need is a knowing that is deeper than belief. It must be based on experience." (76)
"Human love communicates divine love. There is not other source of love but God. Experiences of human love bring us therefore into an indirect encounter with divine love. They also can serve to prepare us to respond to that love by making the idea of God's love believable." (81)
"Learning to love is learning to live. It is becoming fully human. It is nothing less than the reason for our existence. In it alone do we find our deepest fulfillment. For if we find love we find God. And if we find God, we have found love." (96)
"The deepest ache of the soul is the spiritual longing for connection and belonging. No one was created for isolation. 'Nothing in creation is ever totally at home in itself,' says John O'Donohue. 'No thing is ultimately at one with itself.'" (15)
"Love is the welcome that tells us that this is where we truly belong, the assurance that we have at last found our place." (17)
"Imagine God thinking about you. What do you assume God feels when you come to mind?" (19)
"The courage to face unpleasant aspects of our inner self comes from feeling deeply loved. It also comes from the assurance that we are safe." (51)
"Surrender is saying yes to God's YES to me. It begins as I experience his wildly enthusiastic, recklessly loving affirmation of me. It grows our of soaking myself in this love so thoroughly that love for God springs up in response. Surrender to his love is the work of his Spirit, making his love ours and his nature ours." (65)
"Stepping onto the road of Christian spiritual transformation requires an encounter with the living God." (71)
"Turning toward Jesus is the heart of repentence, because this is the only real possibility of turning away from sin. Turning toward Jesus also makes clear that repentance must be an ongoing matter. It must become a way of life." (72)
"Genuine transformation requires vulnerability. It is not the fact of being loved unconditionally that is life-changing. It is the risky experience of allowing myself to be loved unconditionally." (74)
"It is only when I accept who I am that I dare to show you that self in all its vulnerability and nakedness. Only then do I have the opportunity to receive your love in a manner that makes a genuine difference." (74)
"Daring to accept myself and receive love for who I am in my nakedness and vulnerability is the indispensible precondition for genuine transformation." (74)
"What we need is a knowing that is deeper than belief. It must be based on experience." (76)
"Human love communicates divine love. There is not other source of love but God. Experiences of human love bring us therefore into an indirect encounter with divine love. They also can serve to prepare us to respond to that love by making the idea of God's love believable." (81)
"Learning to love is learning to live. It is becoming fully human. It is nothing less than the reason for our existence. In it alone do we find our deepest fulfillment. For if we find love we find God. And if we find God, we have found love." (96)
May 3, 2018
This not a typical devotional book, yet it has certainly shaped my devotional life these past few months. I was immediately challenged by one of Benner's premises, namely, that "any authentic spiritual journey must grow from direct, personal experience of God." My theological training and my temperament both influence me to resist emotions and "experiences" as the guides in the Christian life. But what do we mean by a "personal relationship with God" if it doesn't include at least some personal experience with God Himself? As I continued to read, I found this work to be a deep and insightful exploration of what it means to experience the love of Christ, and the ways our souls resist surrendering to Him. Why do we fear? If we know God to be love, why do we fear surrendering to Him? How do surrender and obedience relate? What does it take for love to transform us?
Here are a few memorable quotes for me:
"I didn't think of myself as fearful, because I was generally successful in avoiding what I feared."
"What most of us resist is unconditional love - perfect love. The reason for this is that such love demands surrender."
"Encountering such a God is terrifying because encountering perfect love is an invitation to abandon ego."
"It is not the fact of being loved unconditionally that is life-changing. It is the risky experience of allowing myself to be loved unconditionally."
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear..."
Benner's message is grounded in biblical passages, contemplative spirituality, and his work as a psychologist. Admittedly, there were a few biblical passages that I thought Benner interpreted and applied a little loosely, but all in all, the message resonated deeply - and continues to resonate - with my longing to know and love Christ - and to rest in His love for me. Foremost among my take-aways from chewing on this lean but meaty work is a deeper understanding of Paul's prayer in Ephesians 3, and a longing to see it realized in myself: "May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." (Eph 3:19, NLT)
Here are a few memorable quotes for me:
"I didn't think of myself as fearful, because I was generally successful in avoiding what I feared."
"What most of us resist is unconditional love - perfect love. The reason for this is that such love demands surrender."
"Encountering such a God is terrifying because encountering perfect love is an invitation to abandon ego."
"It is not the fact of being loved unconditionally that is life-changing. It is the risky experience of allowing myself to be loved unconditionally."
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear..."
Benner's message is grounded in biblical passages, contemplative spirituality, and his work as a psychologist. Admittedly, there were a few biblical passages that I thought Benner interpreted and applied a little loosely, but all in all, the message resonated deeply - and continues to resonate - with my longing to know and love Christ - and to rest in His love for me. Foremost among my take-aways from chewing on this lean but meaty work is a deeper understanding of Paul's prayer in Ephesians 3, and a longing to see it realized in myself: "May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." (Eph 3:19, NLT)
June 21, 2015
I was initially put-off by Benner’s language. I’m not drawn to his expressions like "love swells in his heart and a smile comes to his face" and "God is simply giddy about you..." But I liked Benner’s book for this: When Benner forgoes sentimentality, his extolling of God’s love resonates simply and beautifully and fluidly, like the very story of creation he undertakes to explain: God’s love is the source and fulfillment of all creation ... the outpouring of love – an overflow of love from the heavens to earth.
How do we get to the point of surrender? Benner says to face your fears, obey and go with the flow so that we may discover we are actually in a river of love. He doesn’t really talk about resulting emptiness, an emptiness to offer to God for God to fill, in fulfillment of our deepest desires (as Nouwen tells us.)
However, I liked his writing on how our belief in self-improvement only reinforces the false self and of course, the indispensable precondition for genuine transformation is to accept and receive love for who we truly are. Also his part on contemplative knowing as essential for transformation. I really liked the final chapter, Becoming Love. Up to that chapter, it was a very individualized voice speaking. In the final chapter the book opens up to the universality of love, the necessity for love, the truth of love and the reconnecting to life through love.
I have read elsewhere that to question one’s moral orientation is to witness, which in turn moves one initially to God, whether realized or not at the time. This to me is initial surrender in Benner’s terms, but occurring much earlier in the transformational process. It’s in the movement toward God when the human heart is struck, I believe.
How do we get to the point of surrender? Benner says to face your fears, obey and go with the flow so that we may discover we are actually in a river of love. He doesn’t really talk about resulting emptiness, an emptiness to offer to God for God to fill, in fulfillment of our deepest desires (as Nouwen tells us.)
However, I liked his writing on how our belief in self-improvement only reinforces the false self and of course, the indispensable precondition for genuine transformation is to accept and receive love for who we truly are. Also his part on contemplative knowing as essential for transformation. I really liked the final chapter, Becoming Love. Up to that chapter, it was a very individualized voice speaking. In the final chapter the book opens up to the universality of love, the necessity for love, the truth of love and the reconnecting to life through love.
I have read elsewhere that to question one’s moral orientation is to witness, which in turn moves one initially to God, whether realized or not at the time. This to me is initial surrender in Benner’s terms, but occurring much earlier in the transformational process. It’s in the movement toward God when the human heart is struck, I believe.
July 7, 2017
I'll disclose up front that I pretty much zoomed through this book in one sitting. There were two reasons for that: 1) it's a short book and an easy read, and 2) I had been warned that it was probably a bad book. I have my reasons for reading it anyway, but the person who warned me was correct: it's a bad book. It's based on bad theology and contains an unhealthy dose of psycho-babble. There are a few nuggets of general truth, but there are better sources for those - it's not worth the muck you have to wade through here to get them.
The hogwash started in the preface, where the author states that the "ability to love others is the pinnacle of fulfillment and health for all persons," and that the book "should be of interest not just to Christians but also to those pursuing other spiritual paths, as well as those not consciously on a spiritual journey of any sort." (As if all paths are legitimate.) It continued with references to God's being "head-over-heels in love" with us and "giddy" and uses of terminology such as "Christian mystic" (Tozer a mystic? Really?!?) and Christ-follower (no offense, but I don't like this term for "Christian"). Oh, and did you know that "Christian meditation is like spiritual daydreaming?" He suggests some Bible passages for further reflection, but instructs the reader to "simply let yourself soak in [them]" - don't analyze or think about the passage or examine what is happening. Just let the words "wash over your heart." Talk about mystical! Finally, he refers to "God's vulnerability" and to one of his patients being transformed by the discovery that "the Christ of the Gospels was a God of weakness. It was the love of this weak and vulnerable God that was most transforming for her." His opinion is that learning to love is "nothing less than the reason for our existence...if we find love, we find God..."
To say I was disappointed in this book would be a gross understatement. It's probably one of the worst books I have ever read - one star is too much for it.
The hogwash started in the preface, where the author states that the "ability to love others is the pinnacle of fulfillment and health for all persons," and that the book "should be of interest not just to Christians but also to those pursuing other spiritual paths, as well as those not consciously on a spiritual journey of any sort." (As if all paths are legitimate.) It continued with references to God's being "head-over-heels in love" with us and "giddy" and uses of terminology such as "Christian mystic" (Tozer a mystic? Really?!?) and Christ-follower (no offense, but I don't like this term for "Christian"). Oh, and did you know that "Christian meditation is like spiritual daydreaming?" He suggests some Bible passages for further reflection, but instructs the reader to "simply let yourself soak in [them]" - don't analyze or think about the passage or examine what is happening. Just let the words "wash over your heart." Talk about mystical! Finally, he refers to "God's vulnerability" and to one of his patients being transformed by the discovery that "the Christ of the Gospels was a God of weakness. It was the love of this weak and vulnerable God that was most transforming for her." His opinion is that learning to love is "nothing less than the reason for our existence...if we find love, we find God..."
To say I was disappointed in this book would be a gross understatement. It's probably one of the worst books I have ever read - one star is too much for it.
August 2, 2023
WOW. I’m pretty sure I’ll think about this book for the rest of my life. This book has been so instrumental to my faith and was so perfectly brought into my life during THIS season specifically. I had no idea I would be reading it at the beginning of the summer when the Lord told me he was going to teach me “how to hone falling.” Long story short, it turns out honing falling looks a lot like surrendering to him and allowing him to be the one who has power and control and not trying so hard. What freaking great news! He’s such a good God!!!!
December 29, 2023
A beautiful read and of course it just spoke to everything I was needing to here this semester. The Lord’s timing is truly perfect. Thank you God thank you for your love that I am undeserving of. If you need a book to help you give yourself grace and live in the confidence of the Lord’s love this is the book.
March 10, 2025
SUCH a great read! Finished it in a day - you’ll need a pen & a highlighter because there’s a lot to unpack & apply to your spiritual life. What a sweet gift this book was to receive as it’s completely opened my eyes, once again, to the heart of Christ & his LOVE! If you’ve grown up in a broken home or been abused in the past this book is for you & your walk. By breaking chains of false ideologies of God’s love that we’ve made up in our deceiving hearts, this book guides you on how to surrender to God’s love & dying to ourselves to live & love for & like Christ.
***there is ONE singular page that speaks on “weakness” & God that, theologically, I do not believe is biblical, BUT the rest of the book seems theologically sound.
***there is ONE singular page that speaks on “weakness” & God that, theologically, I do not believe is biblical, BUT the rest of the book seems theologically sound.
May 14, 2024
4.8 stars. (mild spoilers)
I'll be honest, two elders in that faith that I'm privileged to have met highly recommended this book. I tore through this short book eagerly, but emerged slightly disappointed. I felt that Benner didn't balance the character of God and that his writing was at times to sappy. However, as I reflect on the work I realize the problem wasn't with this book (and the God who is love), but how I viewed both this book and more importantly God. The problem was and still is that I desperately want to earn my place and have to control. I see how deeply I fail to comprehend the height, breadth, width, and depth of God's love. Another aspect of my failure to "get it" was that I basically ignored Benner's advise to sit in scripture and skipped over the sections dedicated to reflection/prayer.
MINOR SPOILERS: Benner's primary argument is says that obedience (following God to earn) doesn't please God only surrendering to his love (following God to give and receive) will please him. Benner does a great job at building up his argument and then making sure that this revelation is for the sake of others, not just for ourselves. Also while some might read this book and think that it's sappy Benner's pointing to Jesus' call to pick up our cross and die to ourselves while gentle is not sappy. If anything it's gritty even if it doesn't appear that way on the surface.
My only minor complaint with this book is that it can be taken by a reader to focus almost exclusively on "heart changes" which is evangelical lingo for intellectual assent. This is not Benner's intention, but I can see how some (mainly myself) could take it this way. In closing, I will be returning to this short, but powerful book again and again.
I'll be honest, two elders in that faith that I'm privileged to have met highly recommended this book. I tore through this short book eagerly, but emerged slightly disappointed. I felt that Benner didn't balance the character of God and that his writing was at times to sappy. However, as I reflect on the work I realize the problem wasn't with this book (and the God who is love), but how I viewed both this book and more importantly God. The problem was and still is that I desperately want to earn my place and have to control. I see how deeply I fail to comprehend the height, breadth, width, and depth of God's love. Another aspect of my failure to "get it" was that I basically ignored Benner's advise to sit in scripture and skipped over the sections dedicated to reflection/prayer.
MINOR SPOILERS: Benner's primary argument is says that obedience (following God to earn) doesn't please God only surrendering to his love (following God to give and receive) will please him. Benner does a great job at building up his argument and then making sure that this revelation is for the sake of others, not just for ourselves. Also while some might read this book and think that it's sappy Benner's pointing to Jesus' call to pick up our cross and die to ourselves while gentle is not sappy. If anything it's gritty even if it doesn't appear that way on the surface.
My only minor complaint with this book is that it can be taken by a reader to focus almost exclusively on "heart changes" which is evangelical lingo for intellectual assent. This is not Benner's intention, but I can see how some (mainly myself) could take it this way. In closing, I will be returning to this short, but powerful book again and again.
December 31, 2022
As I arrived toward the end of 2022 I realized that I hadn't read any works on spirituality. My goal in 2023 is to read more classic and contemporary Christian spirituality.
'Surrender to Love: Discovering the Heart of Christian Spirituality' was an encouraging book on which to end this year. I can become too entrenched in the culture wars or reading heady history or strive to read dogmatic theology (I recall my earlier review of 'The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discover,' this book's sequel, chastised David Benner for focusing too much on feelings rather than intellect and doctrine) but I was in a more fertile space reading this book that allowed me to appreciate its simply-expressed, but profound insights more. We ask ourselves how God, how Love Itself, sees us and, being assured of the depths and riches of that love, mercy, and grace, we can let go of our fears and surrender to love.
'Surrender to Love: Discovering the Heart of Christian Spirituality' was an encouraging book on which to end this year. I can become too entrenched in the culture wars or reading heady history or strive to read dogmatic theology (I recall my earlier review of 'The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discover,' this book's sequel, chastised David Benner for focusing too much on feelings rather than intellect and doctrine) but I was in a more fertile space reading this book that allowed me to appreciate its simply-expressed, but profound insights more. We ask ourselves how God, how Love Itself, sees us and, being assured of the depths and riches of that love, mercy, and grace, we can let go of our fears and surrender to love.
October 29, 2013
This slim little book has a fairly simple idea behind it: surrender to God is a better approach to faith than mere obedience. That is, letting go of one's distorted will in favour of God's will (which is ultimately better for us) is the way to live out God's love. The idea of surrender and the importance given it is a familiar aspect of 12 step programs where surrender is seen as the beginning of recovery, largely because the distortions of one's will becomes particularly clear in the addictive experience. However, Benner takes this concept and grounds it deeply in the Christian story. That is a helpful approach and one which deserves to be taken seriously by anyone interested in growing one's faith.
April 21, 2025
I really appreciated Benner’s view to Spiritual Formation. I’m even more interested in reading his other two books that are apart of this series. Here are some of my favorite lines that I am pondering:
- “Clearly I never need to fear returning to him— no matter what I have done or not done — because God’s love has nothing to do with my behavior.” Pg. 23
- “Ask Christians what they believe about God, and most will have a good deal to say. However, ask the same people what they know about God from direct personal experience, and most will have much less to say.” Pg. 30
- “Those who surrender obey. But not all who obey surrender.” Pg. 55 This one has made me think the most!
- “Repentance is never simply from something. It must also always involve turning to something.” Pg. 71
- “Ultimately, taking care of Number One takes care of no one. For the only way to truly care for myself is to give myself in love of others. There I will find my truest and deepest fulfillment.” Pg. 89
Overall, the theme is simple but very hard for me. Rest as God’s beloved. And from that experience and truth of love, become someone who loves others like Jesus.
- “Clearly I never need to fear returning to him— no matter what I have done or not done — because God’s love has nothing to do with my behavior.” Pg. 23
- “Ask Christians what they believe about God, and most will have a good deal to say. However, ask the same people what they know about God from direct personal experience, and most will have much less to say.” Pg. 30
- “Those who surrender obey. But not all who obey surrender.” Pg. 55 This one has made me think the most!
- “Repentance is never simply from something. It must also always involve turning to something.” Pg. 71
- “Ultimately, taking care of Number One takes care of no one. For the only way to truly care for myself is to give myself in love of others. There I will find my truest and deepest fulfillment.” Pg. 89
Overall, the theme is simple but very hard for me. Rest as God’s beloved. And from that experience and truth of love, become someone who loves others like Jesus.
March 28, 2025
I found myself feeling as though I was finally being told what I had wanted to hear without knowing it for most of my life. Even through a writing style I honestly don't particularly like and through cringeworthy phrases such as "snuggle with Jesus." (Yep.) Even still, this little book was profoundly helpful for me. I will definitely be reading it again.
January 31, 2025
Excellent book to recalibrate how you think about God's love.
January 20, 2024
Surrender to Love is a short, but powerful book focusing on how love and surrender are at the heart of Christian spirituality.
Surrender to Love has five chapters. These chapters build on each other. The beginning focuses on love. God's love is unconditional. Creation and the incarnation are expressions of his love. He created us in order to love us and have a relationship with us. He became human in Jesus as a personification of his divine love. The experience of God's love is transformational.
The next section talks about fear. Fear is often the result of guilt. It keeps us in bondage, preventing us from experiencing God's unconditional love. The antidote to fear is Jesus and his love. It is not believing the right things or following the right commands.
The next section distinguishes between obedience and surrender. Obedience through the power of the will is still within the realm of doing what is in our control. Obedience itself is insufficient. It is obedience resulting from surrender that leads to freedom. Faling to surrender leads to frustration. This is a failure of the heart, not the will. It comes from not truly knowing God's love.
The next section addresses the role of love in the journey of transformation. We are called to surrender to God's love. We need to allow ourselves to be loved unconditionally. This happens through experience, not belief. Believing that you are loved unconditionally is different than experiencing God's unconditional love.
The last section ends with a discussion of how love helps us become more like Jesus. Love helps us connect with other people. Love must include concern for social justice. It must also include ecological concern for nature. It is ultimately the fulfillment of our psychospiritual development. Real change is possible.
Read the full review with top takeaways and critiques:
https://faithfulintellect.com/surrend...
Surrender to Love has five chapters. These chapters build on each other. The beginning focuses on love. God's love is unconditional. Creation and the incarnation are expressions of his love. He created us in order to love us and have a relationship with us. He became human in Jesus as a personification of his divine love. The experience of God's love is transformational.
The next section talks about fear. Fear is often the result of guilt. It keeps us in bondage, preventing us from experiencing God's unconditional love. The antidote to fear is Jesus and his love. It is not believing the right things or following the right commands.
The next section distinguishes between obedience and surrender. Obedience through the power of the will is still within the realm of doing what is in our control. Obedience itself is insufficient. It is obedience resulting from surrender that leads to freedom. Faling to surrender leads to frustration. This is a failure of the heart, not the will. It comes from not truly knowing God's love.
The next section addresses the role of love in the journey of transformation. We are called to surrender to God's love. We need to allow ourselves to be loved unconditionally. This happens through experience, not belief. Believing that you are loved unconditionally is different than experiencing God's unconditional love.
The last section ends with a discussion of how love helps us become more like Jesus. Love helps us connect with other people. Love must include concern for social justice. It must also include ecological concern for nature. It is ultimately the fulfillment of our psychospiritual development. Real change is possible.
Read the full review with top takeaways and critiques:
https://faithfulintellect.com/surrend...
June 12, 2013
Read this book aloud with a patient at the end of her life. We both found it helpful. Great book about letting go of fear and trusting the love of God, rather than having a spirituality motivated by fear, trying to please God. I thought to read it after going to a conference where the keynote guy said that when someone is facing death, it is only those spiritualities that teach one how to surrender that are really helpful (helping people to let go and trust that they are supported by something greater, even in death, rather than fighting to the bitter end and making the end bitter).
I would have given the book five stars if I could ignore the last few pages of the book. They left both me and my reading partner a bit confused and disappointed -- funny enough, my friend thought I had finished on page 98, after he speaks of "Love as the fulfillment of our humanity." Great place to end! We began talking about the book and how helpful it was, and then I explained that we had a few more pages to go. Then, Benner decides he needs to sneak in the complex notion of a "threefold conversion." What? Why? He then spends half of that section defending himself for including it. It seemed to just muddy the water for me and my friend. And it seemed to have a tone (particularly the "for further reflection" part) of conviction and guilt -- the very ethos he was redefining the entire book! I wonder if that shows how easy it is for evangelicals to slip back into that mindset.
My friend said, "Maybe he was having a bad day." I can understand that. And since he gave us 98 pages of gold, I would still highly recommend it. The most succinct, simple crystallization of "the heart of Christian spirituality" I have read. Just stop on page 98.
I would have given the book five stars if I could ignore the last few pages of the book. They left both me and my reading partner a bit confused and disappointed -- funny enough, my friend thought I had finished on page 98, after he speaks of "Love as the fulfillment of our humanity." Great place to end! We began talking about the book and how helpful it was, and then I explained that we had a few more pages to go. Then, Benner decides he needs to sneak in the complex notion of a "threefold conversion." What? Why? He then spends half of that section defending himself for including it. It seemed to just muddy the water for me and my friend. And it seemed to have a tone (particularly the "for further reflection" part) of conviction and guilt -- the very ethos he was redefining the entire book! I wonder if that shows how easy it is for evangelicals to slip back into that mindset.
My friend said, "Maybe he was having a bad day." I can understand that. And since he gave us 98 pages of gold, I would still highly recommend it. The most succinct, simple crystallization of "the heart of Christian spirituality" I have read. Just stop on page 98.
March 12, 2009
One of three works by David Benner that can be read together: Surrender to Love, The Gift of Being Yourself, and Desiring God's Will.
I appreciated David Benner's exploration of the unconditional love of God. To know God is to know love. He tells some stories about people with whom he's worked as a therapist, and some of them expected God to be conditional towards them in love, or expected a relationship with God to be more like the hurtful relationships they have known. But more than just exploring their experiences in past relationships (which is useful to do) David Benner invites people to experience and know God, and expects that God will transform them with his perfect fearless love. He invites the reader to do the same, and has some exercises in Bible reading/ contemplative prayer that are meant to let the reader converse with and be transformed by God's love.
I appreciated David Benner's exploration of the unconditional love of God. To know God is to know love. He tells some stories about people with whom he's worked as a therapist, and some of them expected God to be conditional towards them in love, or expected a relationship with God to be more like the hurtful relationships they have known. But more than just exploring their experiences in past relationships (which is useful to do) David Benner invites people to experience and know God, and expects that God will transform them with his perfect fearless love. He invites the reader to do the same, and has some exercises in Bible reading/ contemplative prayer that are meant to let the reader converse with and be transformed by God's love.
April 11, 2021
Fourth time I've read this book. Just love. Perfect mix of realistic, personal, non-dogmatic faith...no throwbacks to black and white thinking...tolerant, open...with a view that there is something bigger out there that actually cares about you. I know that sounds like a stupid thing to say in the midst of a pandemic. But I'm saying it.
Benner is also a psychotherapist so there is a beautiful weaving of Jungian philosophy and psychotherapy.
Benner is also a psychotherapist so there is a beautiful weaving of Jungian philosophy and psychotherapy.
March 1, 2024
Will always be thankful for the discovery of Benner and his wisdom!
“The life of love is a life of death to the kingdom of self.”
“Genuine transformation requires vulnerability…it is the risky experience of allowing myself to be loved unconditionally.”
“The life of love is a life of death to the kingdom of self.”
“Genuine transformation requires vulnerability…it is the risky experience of allowing myself to be loved unconditionally.”
August 4, 2018
One of the best meditations on love I've read. It's short but this is great since the power of a book like this lies in the time spent reflecting on and contemplating its passages.
October 5, 2025
ALWAYS good but something about reading it this time felt really timely and intentional by God. I just really needed to read a process with God what I read. He is so kind
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November 19, 2024A timely read for someone who continues to return to a works based love of God.
December 5, 2023
I read Brenner's Book 2 of this series first, so I don't know if i'd have found Book 2 "amazing" and merely "really liked" this Book 1 if I'd read them in the correct order. But so be it.
I found help from this book in really sinking down into God's love for me. I need that. It sometimes feels like I love God more than He loves me, which is ridiculous but so. I gave myself over, in reading this book, to the love of God, opening myself up, imploring the Holy Spirit to show me more more more of this love that's all over the Scriptures. It was great. I did the exercises Brenner recommended, too, which God used to bowl me over with. I found concrete help with understanding the thing we all know, that "perfect love casts out fear," but can't seem to appropriate for ourselves.
I also found help with my control issues. We fear, so we seek to control. "I didn't think of myself as a fearful person because I was generally successful in avoiding what I feared." Ha! I heard God clearly through this book: "There is no reason to be afraid," as Miriam did.
I liked this, talking about the father with the two sons, one prodigal and one resentful:
O gosh, and the whole idea of "floating" -- life-changing for me.
On to Book 3, Desiring God's Will: Aligning Our Hearts with the Heart of God.
I found help from this book in really sinking down into God's love for me. I need that. It sometimes feels like I love God more than He loves me, which is ridiculous but so. I gave myself over, in reading this book, to the love of God, opening myself up, imploring the Holy Spirit to show me more more more of this love that's all over the Scriptures. It was great. I did the exercises Brenner recommended, too, which God used to bowl me over with. I found concrete help with understanding the thing we all know, that "perfect love casts out fear," but can't seem to appropriate for ourselves.
I also found help with my control issues. We fear, so we seek to control. "I didn't think of myself as a fearful person because I was generally successful in avoiding what I feared." Ha! I heard God clearly through this book: "There is no reason to be afraid," as Miriam did.
I liked this, talking about the father with the two sons, one prodigal and one resentful:
The Father's love reflects the Father's character, not the children's behavior. My behavior--whether responsible or irresponsible--is beside the point. Responsible behavior does not increase the Father's love, nor does irresponsible behavior decrease it.I also liked his talk about unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves and the guilt those produce.
Compulsive niceness might, for example, reflect a neurotic sense of guilt associated with not being nice enough--perhaps being too aggressive or selfish. Or compulsive busyness might arise from guilt associated with feelings of being lazy. The problem is not real, objective guilt.Brenner tackles obedience and its place in our relationship with God. I felt the shame lessen and my freedom to obey increase.
O gosh, and the whole idea of "floating" -- life-changing for me.
On to Book 3, Desiring God's Will: Aligning Our Hearts with the Heart of God.
October 2, 2023
2.5 stars
“Love is the welcome that tells us this is where we truly belong, the assurance that we have at last found our place.”
Although several sentences like the one above stopped me in my tracks and made me cry tears of relief and joy (what magnificent love God has for us!), I really struggled to get behind other portions of the book. It felt like I was either crying over how beautifully something was articulated or drawing question marks in the margins due to disagreement. This book is much more mystical than the first in its series (I’d wholeheartedly recommend “The Gift of Being Yourself”!), which is probably why I struggled with it. It was good for me to read, nonetheless, and I’ll probably be thinking about it for a while. I’d ~cautiously~ recommend to someone who finds that loving God with their mind (via reading theological works, studying the Bible, etc.) seems to come more natural to them than loving God with their heart and soul (i.e., at the level of emotion or through more experiential spiritual practices like silence and solitude).
If you have read or end up reading PLEASE tell me so we can discuss!!! I’ve got Q’s !
“Love is the welcome that tells us this is where we truly belong, the assurance that we have at last found our place.”
Although several sentences like the one above stopped me in my tracks and made me cry tears of relief and joy (what magnificent love God has for us!), I really struggled to get behind other portions of the book. It felt like I was either crying over how beautifully something was articulated or drawing question marks in the margins due to disagreement. This book is much more mystical than the first in its series (I’d wholeheartedly recommend “The Gift of Being Yourself”!), which is probably why I struggled with it. It was good for me to read, nonetheless, and I’ll probably be thinking about it for a while. I’d ~cautiously~ recommend to someone who finds that loving God with their mind (via reading theological works, studying the Bible, etc.) seems to come more natural to them than loving God with their heart and soul (i.e., at the level of emotion or through more experiential spiritual practices like silence and solitude).
If you have read or end up reading PLEASE tell me so we can discuss!!! I’ve got Q’s !
September 1, 2025
Rating 5 stars.
David Benner writes so many profound and important words in this short book Surrender to Love: Discovering the Heart of Christian Spirituality. His invitation through the narrative and the reflection questions to experience God’s love as the path to transformation is powerful and helpful for this reader. This is a book to read and then sit with for an extended time rather than shelve. I’m grateful for authors like Benner who articulate deep truths in accessible and loving ways. This book is evidence that Benner practices what he says.
“God simply loves humans. He created us for a love relationship with himself, and nothing that we can do – or not do – changes the love he bears us.”
“Surrender to God’s love offers us the possibility of freedom from guilt, freedom from effort to earn God’s approval, and freedom to genuinely love, God and others as the Father loves us.”
David Benner writes so many profound and important words in this short book Surrender to Love: Discovering the Heart of Christian Spirituality. His invitation through the narrative and the reflection questions to experience God’s love as the path to transformation is powerful and helpful for this reader. This is a book to read and then sit with for an extended time rather than shelve. I’m grateful for authors like Benner who articulate deep truths in accessible and loving ways. This book is evidence that Benner practices what he says.
“God simply loves humans. He created us for a love relationship with himself, and nothing that we can do – or not do – changes the love he bears us.”
“Surrender to God’s love offers us the possibility of freedom from guilt, freedom from effort to earn God’s approval, and freedom to genuinely love, God and others as the Father loves us.”
February 25, 2025
This is my second reading of this book and I’m so thankful I read it a second time. The simple and profound invitation into the love of God is central to being a disciple of Jesus. We are not called to know about God’s love but to actually experience God’s love. When we discover that God knows us thoroughly and loves us completely it is life-changing in the truest sense. When we can take the brave step to let God embrace us with His love, we will be satisfied deep within and experience ourselves growing in loving like Him.
The call is to surrender to God’s perfect love and the author provides practices and questions to make progress on this journey. You’ll have to face your weaknesses and fears, but it’s worth it.
The call is to surrender to God’s perfect love and the author provides practices and questions to make progress on this journey. You’ll have to face your weaknesses and fears, but it’s worth it.
April 25, 2023
Some of my favorite quotes
“What makes grace amazing is that it and it alone can free us from our fears and make us truly whole and free. Surrender to God’s love offers us the possibility of freedom from guilt, freedom from effort to earn God’s approval, and freedom to genuinely love God and others as the Father loves us.”
“While some people fear any love, what most of us resist is unconditional love- perfect love. The reason for this is that such love demand surrender.”
“But the bottom line is that Perfect Love meets me where I am and asks only that I open my heart and receive the love for which I long.”
“What makes grace amazing is that it and it alone can free us from our fears and make us truly whole and free. Surrender to God’s love offers us the possibility of freedom from guilt, freedom from effort to earn God’s approval, and freedom to genuinely love God and others as the Father loves us.”
“While some people fear any love, what most of us resist is unconditional love- perfect love. The reason for this is that such love demand surrender.”
“But the bottom line is that Perfect Love meets me where I am and asks only that I open my heart and receive the love for which I long.”
June 11, 2024
This book has shifted and deepened my perspective of God’s love for me in profound ways. It has helped me to learn and just sit in the love God has for me all the time with no strings attached; not a message taught or emphasized enough in church. Additionally he talks about how we were made to live and love in relationships with other people and the good God does in our souls through others. I will definitely be revisiting parts of this book frequently and re-reading parts (and the whole book) from now forward. Highly recommend!
March 7, 2024
I struggled to connect with Benner’s writing style, which often felt simple and repetitive. It might be because I read Nouwen’s Return of the Prodigal Son at the same time, which treats the same subject as this book—yet far more masterfully and profoundly. I found the strength of this book to be in its “for further reflection” sections at the end of each chapter, as well as some of the insights on love and fear in the second chapter.
May 2, 2020
A Thought-Provoking Start to Benner's Trilogy.
In this first volume of three, Benner sets out to demonstrate that God's extravagant, hard-to-put-into-words, amazing love for us; needs to be the core foundation for our spiritual transformations. Any other foundation or pathway is a delusion built to satisfy our false selves. A raw and honest read!
In this first volume of three, Benner sets out to demonstrate that God's extravagant, hard-to-put-into-words, amazing love for us; needs to be the core foundation for our spiritual transformations. Any other foundation or pathway is a delusion built to satisfy our false selves. A raw and honest read!
December 24, 2024
Read parts of this book in college, and wanted to fully give it a read. The word surrender is a word that’s constantly on my mind and constantly something I am having to do. This book bridges the gap from simply surrendering to fully surrendering to the Lord’s love. Perfect read for the season I am in. Took my sweet time reading this in the mornings-
“For love to transform us, not only must we meet in vulnerability, we must also linger long enough for it to penetrate our woundedness.”
“For love to transform us, not only must we meet in vulnerability, we must also linger long enough for it to penetrate our woundedness.”
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