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The Cure & Parents
Parenting begins with us, the parents. It always involves earning our children's trust. Whether we are overwhelmed at being parents, planning to be parents, reacting to our parents, or learning to stand with our kids as they now parent, we need to know there is always a way home, convinced God is in the middle of every stage of our family. Find yourself in this story as you ride along with the Clawsons on vacation. Go inside the episode as each part of the story unfolds, and find the freedom and truth that God offers us as we build trust with our kids, and discover insight and hope for our own painful patterns. This book is filled with joy, insight, wisdom and maybe a fresh way of seeing our families and ourselves. Enjoy the ride.
- GenresParenting
174 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 5, 2016
38 people are currently reading
122 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
January 4, 2019
I loved this book - and only wish it had been written 15 years ago. HIGHLY recommend if you want to be a grace-based parent with a relationship to you children that mirrors the relationship God has with His children. We listened to the audio book - and it was an easy listen!!
June 28, 2022
So much to say about this book. Grace > behavior. And that means applying it to how you parent. Favorite quotes:
Because God’s primary goal is earning my trust so He can love me and increasingly mature me, correct my behavior, and free my life, I will attempt to offer the same for my child. (P. IV)
Unless our wounding is identified and addressed so it can be redeemed and healed, we will remain with an unresolved issue, stunted in our immaturity. And our children will be stunted in their immaturity by ours, with the ongoing result of our children not trusting us. Trust is developed as our kids begin to believe we have the maturity not to make something about us when they need it to be about them. Their trusting us is dependent on our trusting God. (P. 6)
Rules create either rebellious or compliant children. Principles, not rules, are the guide. (Summarized thoughts from p. 12)
“Sin management” is the misguided presumption that we’re supposed to figure out how to master our own bad behavior. Or the behavior of others. The sin management mindset usually starts with the crippling theological conviction that, while we may be saved, we are only saved sinners. Not yet really saints. We strive hard to please God by our better behaviors but have little dependence or trust in anything more than self-abnegating willpower, sincerity, and a wavering ability to say no. (P. 14)
A rule for a rule’s sake can create a rebellion. Israel rebelled because they largely didn’t trust the Person of God. They most often didn’t live out of relationship, but only an external begrudging compliance to the Law. In this state, they couldn’t obey from the heart. (P. 15)
Everything about a guideline is more involved, more nuanced, and messier. Everything about a rule is simpler, clearer, cleaner and more acceptable. But rules, unfortunately, don’t create lasting, heartfelt obedience much after the age of nine. (P. 17)
The degree to which your children trust you is the degree to which they will let you love them. No matter how much love you have to give them. (P. 24)
In many believing homes, parents are convinced we are al l only saved sinners (heavy emphasis on sinner). So, while behaviors may appear good, no one’s heart is really to be trusted. This “saved sinner” theology carries this cynical and erroneous presumption: at their core, our kids mostly want to be bad. […] Such a wonky theology says Jesus only saved us. We get to go to Heaven, but nothing in us really changed. Our kids will change only through constant lecturing, control, and reminding them to not ever trust themselves. (P. 39)
There is a world of difference in seeing your children as saved sinners or as young, maturing saints! […] At the core, your believing children want to do right! (P. 40)
Nothing we ever do toward our children should ever be about any form of punishment. The purpose of discipline - and this is crucial - is to bring children back into the life-giving parameters of who they are. […] The best discipline does not always look like discipline at all. (P. 54-55)
If you are seeking permission to talk about a particular subject and the answer is no, it would be a good idea to honor that no until, at some point in the future, a yes is secured. (P. 74)
Sadly, this is why many churches put a premium on biblical information over biblical transformation. Because the first takes only a position of authority and distribution of materials. Biblical information is indispensably important, but by itself it is grossly insufficient. Under such a system, you can become convinced you are a “successful” christian because you know a lot about the Bible. But the Christian faith is endlessly more than knowing things about God. (P. 76)
Influence. More than anything, we want to influence our children for good. But influence cannot be forced. Influence cannot be given without permission from the one we want to influence. And permission, well, that’s tricky, because it is almost an involuntary transaction on the part of our children. They cannot be coerced, demanded, or manipulated into giving us permission. Permission is a function of trust. […] Their trust of you comes largely through your humility to admit what you cannot yet be trusted for. And to be able to receive their honest reflection when you violate their trust by trying to force access in areas where you are not yet trusted. (P. 77)
God’s Spirit is maturing me from the inside out, even when I don’t notice it. Even when I’m not awake! So maybe He’s doing the same with my kids. (P. 81)
Grace as my motivation will always bear greater fruit than coercion or demand. […but…] it’s messy and exceedingly time consuming. (P. 83)
Good done for the wrong reason - convincing me that I, at my core, am not much good - that’s one of the worst forms of wrong. (P. 84)
The measurement of my faith convictions isn’t about whether my kids keep from wrong behavior. The measurement is whether they’re growing to depend upon God in the midst of their wrong behaviors. (P. 85)
For so long, especially in our faith communities, we have been told to be sparing with affirmation - for fear our egos will grow, our heads will get bigger, and we will become arrogant and narcissistic. In truth, it is affirmation’s absence that has caused so much of our bragging and manipulative attempts to get others to tell us we’re worth knowing and loving. Far from puffing us up, honest affirmation humbles. […] Affirmation heals. It dispels sarcasm and cynicism. It actually protects us from self-protection. It gives us confidence, boldness, creativity, and freedom. It teaches how to actively love. (P 93-94)
The process of consequential decision making creates avoidance in immature parents. The immature most often see themselves as victims of their choices rather than responsible for their choices. (P 103)
Parents who can only tell their story through the glorified lens of spiritual sacrifice and superior commitment to God end up with children only feeling shame and failure when they can’t respond to life with such ironclad victory. (P 104)
If you read this far, go buy the book 🙃
Because God’s primary goal is earning my trust so He can love me and increasingly mature me, correct my behavior, and free my life, I will attempt to offer the same for my child. (P. IV)
Unless our wounding is identified and addressed so it can be redeemed and healed, we will remain with an unresolved issue, stunted in our immaturity. And our children will be stunted in their immaturity by ours, with the ongoing result of our children not trusting us. Trust is developed as our kids begin to believe we have the maturity not to make something about us when they need it to be about them. Their trusting us is dependent on our trusting God. (P. 6)
Rules create either rebellious or compliant children. Principles, not rules, are the guide. (Summarized thoughts from p. 12)
“Sin management” is the misguided presumption that we’re supposed to figure out how to master our own bad behavior. Or the behavior of others. The sin management mindset usually starts with the crippling theological conviction that, while we may be saved, we are only saved sinners. Not yet really saints. We strive hard to please God by our better behaviors but have little dependence or trust in anything more than self-abnegating willpower, sincerity, and a wavering ability to say no. (P. 14)
A rule for a rule’s sake can create a rebellion. Israel rebelled because they largely didn’t trust the Person of God. They most often didn’t live out of relationship, but only an external begrudging compliance to the Law. In this state, they couldn’t obey from the heart. (P. 15)
Everything about a guideline is more involved, more nuanced, and messier. Everything about a rule is simpler, clearer, cleaner and more acceptable. But rules, unfortunately, don’t create lasting, heartfelt obedience much after the age of nine. (P. 17)
The degree to which your children trust you is the degree to which they will let you love them. No matter how much love you have to give them. (P. 24)
In many believing homes, parents are convinced we are al l only saved sinners (heavy emphasis on sinner). So, while behaviors may appear good, no one’s heart is really to be trusted. This “saved sinner” theology carries this cynical and erroneous presumption: at their core, our kids mostly want to be bad. […] Such a wonky theology says Jesus only saved us. We get to go to Heaven, but nothing in us really changed. Our kids will change only through constant lecturing, control, and reminding them to not ever trust themselves. (P. 39)
There is a world of difference in seeing your children as saved sinners or as young, maturing saints! […] At the core, your believing children want to do right! (P. 40)
Nothing we ever do toward our children should ever be about any form of punishment. The purpose of discipline - and this is crucial - is to bring children back into the life-giving parameters of who they are. […] The best discipline does not always look like discipline at all. (P. 54-55)
If you are seeking permission to talk about a particular subject and the answer is no, it would be a good idea to honor that no until, at some point in the future, a yes is secured. (P. 74)
Sadly, this is why many churches put a premium on biblical information over biblical transformation. Because the first takes only a position of authority and distribution of materials. Biblical information is indispensably important, but by itself it is grossly insufficient. Under such a system, you can become convinced you are a “successful” christian because you know a lot about the Bible. But the Christian faith is endlessly more than knowing things about God. (P. 76)
Influence. More than anything, we want to influence our children for good. But influence cannot be forced. Influence cannot be given without permission from the one we want to influence. And permission, well, that’s tricky, because it is almost an involuntary transaction on the part of our children. They cannot be coerced, demanded, or manipulated into giving us permission. Permission is a function of trust. […] Their trust of you comes largely through your humility to admit what you cannot yet be trusted for. And to be able to receive their honest reflection when you violate their trust by trying to force access in areas where you are not yet trusted. (P. 77)
God’s Spirit is maturing me from the inside out, even when I don’t notice it. Even when I’m not awake! So maybe He’s doing the same with my kids. (P. 81)
Grace as my motivation will always bear greater fruit than coercion or demand. […but…] it’s messy and exceedingly time consuming. (P. 83)
Good done for the wrong reason - convincing me that I, at my core, am not much good - that’s one of the worst forms of wrong. (P. 84)
The measurement of my faith convictions isn’t about whether my kids keep from wrong behavior. The measurement is whether they’re growing to depend upon God in the midst of their wrong behaviors. (P. 85)
For so long, especially in our faith communities, we have been told to be sparing with affirmation - for fear our egos will grow, our heads will get bigger, and we will become arrogant and narcissistic. In truth, it is affirmation’s absence that has caused so much of our bragging and manipulative attempts to get others to tell us we’re worth knowing and loving. Far from puffing us up, honest affirmation humbles. […] Affirmation heals. It dispels sarcasm and cynicism. It actually protects us from self-protection. It gives us confidence, boldness, creativity, and freedom. It teaches how to actively love. (P 93-94)
The process of consequential decision making creates avoidance in immature parents. The immature most often see themselves as victims of their choices rather than responsible for their choices. (P 103)
Parents who can only tell their story through the glorified lens of spiritual sacrifice and superior commitment to God end up with children only feeling shame and failure when they can’t respond to life with such ironclad victory. (P 104)
If you read this far, go buy the book 🙃
April 14, 2018
A Christian parenting book that teaches grace and mercy - the way God parents us - instead of rewards and punishments.
February 20, 2017
Even though I am the parent of adult children, I coach parents and other family members who are struggling with a loved one's addiction. My motivation for reading this book was to gain insight for helping others in their parenting behaviors as they work through a very difficult adversity. What I received from this book was incredibly powerful insights about my behaviors as a parent and how those behaviors impact others in my family. I found myself reading, studying only one "episode" (chapter) per day, marking it up, and making notes and comments all through the book. This is an excellent read for any parent who is looking to discover a more powerful process for loving and teaching your children. Beware, this will require that you are willing to do some amazing work on yourself to get there. Enjoy the marvelous journey!
August 27, 2022
I loved this book from the begining to the end. This is the second book I've read under the theme of The Cure.
The first one I read that is called: The Cure was revealing and motivating to review the way I trust and put my trust in God and his grace.
With this one I have been able to have a similar perspective, but on this occasion basically oriented to paternity and therefore to marriage.
As the book says, if you are a father or married, you identify with many of the situations that the book presents. In fact, I think as children too.
What the book achieves is to motivate us to look for the result. Obviously, I won't say it so you want to read it, but believe me, it's not necessarily what you expect.
The thread is perfect. I was hooked from start to finish and I think that makes this book on parenting different from many others. This is the second parenting book I've read that stands out for its originality, message, and approach to the subject. It does not use famous cliches or well-known techniques, but it grounds you to the point of making it real and experiential.
If you like stories, this book is excellent. The narrative is well constructed and although it is a small book, a few hundred and something pages, its reading is not uncomfortable or difficult. I think it's one of the fastest books I've read so far.
Highly recommended, whether you are a father or mother, husband or wife or you are in the process of parenthood, you must read this book.
The first one I read that is called: The Cure was revealing and motivating to review the way I trust and put my trust in God and his grace.
With this one I have been able to have a similar perspective, but on this occasion basically oriented to paternity and therefore to marriage.
As the book says, if you are a father or married, you identify with many of the situations that the book presents. In fact, I think as children too.
What the book achieves is to motivate us to look for the result. Obviously, I won't say it so you want to read it, but believe me, it's not necessarily what you expect.
The thread is perfect. I was hooked from start to finish and I think that makes this book on parenting different from many others. This is the second parenting book I've read that stands out for its originality, message, and approach to the subject. It does not use famous cliches or well-known techniques, but it grounds you to the point of making it real and experiential.
If you like stories, this book is excellent. The narrative is well constructed and although it is a small book, a few hundred and something pages, its reading is not uncomfortable or difficult. I think it's one of the fastest books I've read so far.
Highly recommended, whether you are a father or mother, husband or wife or you are in the process of parenthood, you must read this book.
October 20, 2017
This is one of a few parenting books that have helped to shift my heart as a parent this year. Like it’s predecessor The Cure, it’s told partially in story form. The concepts of not parenting to your own taste but for the heart of your child and seeking to earn their trust are explored through the Clawson family’s own journey through the same. There is so much in this little book, it’s hard to summarize.
I did find that transferring their ideas to life wasn’t an easy process since my kids are in a completely different stage. The TrueFace podcasts going through the book were more helpful for application. Still, I would highly recommend this to any parent wanting to go beyond compliant kids to something deeper for their family. It will definitely stay on my shelf as a reminder in the future of how I want to treat the people I love so much.
I did find that transferring their ideas to life wasn’t an easy process since my kids are in a completely different stage. The TrueFace podcasts going through the book were more helpful for application. Still, I would highly recommend this to any parent wanting to go beyond compliant kids to something deeper for their family. It will definitely stay on my shelf as a reminder in the future of how I want to treat the people I love so much.
May 8, 2024
🌟10🌟. I loved this book so much. It's real life! It's the messy and the sticky and the hard of raising kids, being non-perfect parents ... coming together to figure out this thing called life. I've had this book for about 6 or 7 years. I tried reading it about 6 years ago and couldn't really relate, and my heart wasn't in the right place to receive the greatness of this book. But now, with my girls being older and the stage of life we are in, the book was much more tangible and relatable. Highly recommend!
May 8, 2017
Parenting reforged thru the fire to bring true love
Parenting strategies are great but without love it will raise compliant or fighting sinners that are saved. The point is to raise saints that can sin. Teaching our kids about jesus takes us parents to be on front line. This book takes that and beautifully illustrates that. This book will infuse into my heart with the love to see a legacy of his saints loving the world as he did. Great book for all parents in faith or not.
Parenting strategies are great but without love it will raise compliant or fighting sinners that are saved. The point is to raise saints that can sin. Teaching our kids about jesus takes us parents to be on front line. This book takes that and beautifully illustrates that. This book will infuse into my heart with the love to see a legacy of his saints loving the world as he did. Great book for all parents in faith or not.
April 29, 2024
Audiobook—> (4:28) Excellent material (⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️) but delivery via audiobook was like walking through mud.(⭐️⭐️) Would recommend reading to absorb information— I have a physical copy of this book and will for sure be revisiting it in the next few months.
Please note - the book is written in story form with dialogue that can feel cheesy at times however, it really serves to drive the information home.
Please note - the book is written in story form with dialogue that can feel cheesy at times however, it really serves to drive the information home.
June 8, 2017
This book is amazingly eye opening, grace filled, healing and freeing.
November 21, 2018
Excellent parenting book that DOES NOT leave you feeling like a failure. I will be recommending this one.
June 12, 2019
Some great things to think with family interactions.
August 20, 2020
A short book with some great points about parenting. Indifferent writing style, but a worthwhile read.
Read
October 13, 2020There is swearing in the book, which surprised and slightly offended. I think it was just to get attention and to show how the world enters our lives, but made me unsettled.
September 14, 2021
I almost gave up on this book but felt it improved halfway through. It has some good parenting insights for parents with children of all ages.
July 10, 2022
Eye-opening! Refreshing! Wish everyone would read it!
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews