How To Be A Wicked Witch: Good Spells, Charms, Potions and Notions for Bad Days

by Patricia J. Telesco

Are You a Good Witch or a Bad Witch?
Or perhaps you are a witch who simply wants to make some dramatic, positive changes. The next time you are downsized, dumped on, or jilted, or feel like a drudge, turn to this light-hearted but learned primer on the art of spellcraft. This witty combination of traditional rituals for finding health, wealth, and happiness will also show you clever ways to use magic for exacting just retribution, balancing karmic bank accounts, chastising a wayward lover, improving your personal image, or effectively dealing with a meddlesome mother. With incantations drawn from a variety of magickal traditions (as well as suggestions on how to customize them) and simple rituals that require nothing more than willpower and ingredients found in any household, Patricia Telesco explains transformational methods for handling both the big crises and the little annoyances of everyday life, including how
Increase sexual potency and passion • Improve your luck • Lure a lover • Resolve a family feud • Increase personal charisma • Attract prosperity
Filled with sane advice and sassy examples, How to Be a Wicked Witch will help you release the witch within.

Genres: Witchcraft, Nonfiction, Magic, Paganism, Religion, New Age, Witches

208 pages, Paperback

First published September 4, 2001

About the author

Patricia "Trish" Telesco is a professional author with more than 50 metaphysical titles on the market.

Trish considers herself a kitchen witch whose love of folkore (and a bit of Strega) flavor every spell and ritual. Her strongest beliefs lie in following personal vision, being tolerant of other traditions, making life an act of worship, and being the magic!

Trish travels minimally twice per month to give lectures and workshops around the country. She has appeared on several television segments and maintains a strong, visible presence in the public through journals like Circle Network News, and on the internet.

Her current pet projects include supporting pagan land funds and coordinating spiritually oriented tours to Europe.

Telesco began her Wiccan education and initiation on her own, but later received initiation into the Strega tradition of Italy. She is a trustee for the Universal Federation of Pagans, a member of the Authors Guild, a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism and a professional member of the Wiccan-Pagan Press Alliance.

In March 2012 her husband, Paul Telesco, was diagnosed with a tumor on his brain stem. Since that time, Telesco has been focused on raising awareness and fund-raising

Reviews

[Sec · Rating 1 out of 5]

I start this review by saying this, I expected this book to be something much more than what it was. The introduction started off well, in fact, very well. And perhaps that is the moment where I should have realized that this book was going to be horrific.
In the third paragraph of this book, the author turns to "rule that most witches follow religiously," the first being Harm None and the second being to allow people free will unless you want to get back three times what you sent out into the universe. Now while I can't say that Telesco has met every single witch on the planet, here's one that thinks both of these two rules meant to keep people in check via some external moral authority are complete and utter bullshit. At least she threw in the "most" instead of "all" because I would have definitely ranted on this book more than what I am now. Harm none, which is a misquoted and misused saying, comes from the Gardner created Witch Religion which is not a rule, is not a law, is not anything more than advice. Rede means advice, and unless you are planning to follow Gardner's religion's rules (which are numerous) then I don't see why you'd want to take up his advice which pertains within his created religion. Secondly, the three times what you sent back "rule" is often shown as real life and experience goes, to be one of the most ridiculous statements that anyone can make. If you donate clothes to charity, does someone donate to you three times what you sent out? Are you suddenly smothered by people trying to help you cross the street, if you help someone else cross? It is ridiculous, illogical, and runs under the typical guise of "balancing out the universe." Picture for me, if you will, a seesaw or a balancing beam or a pair of scales, with one thing on one side, and three things on the other [of equal size, weight, and shape]. Is the beam balanced? No.
It was at this point that a threw the book, screaming at it, across the room in a rage. We go from the very nicely stated and perfectly good first couple of paragraph to the bullshit that the new age community is famous for doing. No wonder people who start off reading these books think we're a bunch of dipshits. Apparently, we have no idea what the fuck balance is. But that's an aside.
Furthermore, the tone of this book comes across almost as if Telesco is both an "authority figure to be respected" condescendingly talking down to the reader in cutesy language, but also comes across as incredible incompetent because of that tone and language. For example "Im-potent, you know like without power" almost reads like the author is giggling and trying to elbow me in the side like look, look I made a funny. Please turn your tone off or down, it needs to be shut down. I am not someone to be written to as if I am a completely incapable of processing any of the material you've got on display in this book without it being dropped down to an eighth grade reading level. Yes, words do have root meanings. Surprise.
As for the rest of this, introduction it's really hardly worth mentioning. So I shall continue into the First Chapter, which is discussing prep work. Now after going the ever so common and quite routine bitching about how Hollywood portrays witches [as if we don't have any other fucking problems that we should deal with in our community such as the racism, sexism, and phobias against anything not heterosexual], we get into why Telesco is trying to associate this book with "wickedness" or "wicked witchery" which is to say, and a paraphrase here that people should be given the best that life has to offer and that is qualifier for wickedness. I mean, and I quote, "No one ever said Pagans had to be pansies." Now I think it might be beneath me to say that not all Witches are Pagan; that is to say that the idea that Witches = Pagans is extremely ignorant of other practices. One does not necessarily need to be pagan to be a witch. It's funny, how can one get everything life has to offer and also not be a pansy when there seems to be restrictions placed on what the hell is done? Oh, right because we want to have people fit into a box, a box which is labeled " convenient morality." Get everything you want, as long as you play by these rules I listed back in the introduction. Okay. Okay.
I mean, it's almost as if Telesco doesn't really know what she's supposed to do with towing this line between what is or should be done morally, saying things like this in one breath: "[After facing adversity] Rather than falling apart or having a temper tantrum, it's much wise at this point to save your energy and use it for magickal manifestation," and listing off the standard bullshit morality rules of the introduction. Use that energy for magic and tell adversity to fuck off, only don't hurt it because you wouldn't want that to come back on you times three. This theme of not knowing where the "line" is continues throughout the book with conflicting doctrines. It's almost like Telesco knows exactly how much bullshit she's spouting by telling people to tow the standard morality checklist, and is desperately trying to keep her publishers and whatever moral judges of the community at bay by mentioning it in unison. BUT LOOK I SAID HARM NONE SO MY ASS IS COVERED. It is literally one of the most annoying things about this book, in my opinion.
Now I won't mention that Telesco has no idea what the hell Buddha was talking about when he is discussion being Awake [because it's a long philosophical discussion], but let's just say being "alert, aware, and fully present in our lives so we can outmaneuver the things that could derail us," is not fucking what he was talking about. This is a horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE misquote [paraphrase, excuse me] and misuse of this "authority" to create validity in this book. Telesco does this offense, repeatedly throughout the book. See Albertus Magnus.
I'll briefly mention the "astral" since she mentions it at least once in this book - and that is to say, No. Wrong. Bad. Look up the European Renaissance and then come back to me.
Moving onto the ever present "lists" which comes in this book at full force, let's discuss a couple of things. One, as far as I'm concerned, listing me a bunch of information is just a page increaser for the publisher. These could go into an APPENDIX have you heard of them? Two, Telesco does not actually source any of her material at all. I can't tell if she's just coming up with this on her own based on her own experiences or if she's reading off of some geocities website she found in the 90s. Either way, I would have still appreciated some information beyond pages eating lists of the standard information, "Brown is earthy" and "Green means go." How does she know green means "go"? Is it because she's using the standard United States {and other countries} traffic light system? Why? is the question she didn't answer in any of her lists. This book is so dominated by lists that it makes it hard to read through the material because it just filler.
One of the biggest problems that I have with new age books is not just that the information tends to be poor, but also the fact that these tends to be NO WARNINGS OF ANY KIND ON ANYTHING. Oh yes, it's it lovely. Aromatherapy, you know, the great healer of auric energies, oh yes, OH YES. BEAUTIFUL. Excuse me while I swish my happy skirts in the distance. Lalalala. Oh wait, this is supposed to be used as part of something that you put on your body. And what do I see here, I see citrus fruits being used as an ingredient in this page o' lists over here. Oh isn't that dangerous? Isn't it dangerous to put a light sensitive extract on your skin and then to go out into the sun with it? Didn't think about that? DIDN'T THINK THAT YOU COULD BE HURTING PEOPLE? Oh but just as long as we list out the magical correspondences and be damned what people who make oils for wear say about the risks of putting certain extracts on the skin or putting HOW MUCH should be in that oil on the skin. Now I'll grant that Telesco never said anything about skin wear on here, but I can just as easily see people doing what they use PERFUME for [which is mentioned] and spraying things on their skin and causing reactions. There's no mention of the process of dilution at all or proper handling. Are you kidding me? You're advising people to make this shit and you can't be bothered to pull out a fucking "hey uhh some of this might not be safe, so do your homework before trying this at home, kids." [STONES CONSUMING]
Now let's segway into a specific section which I have issues with almost every single part of this book, which is the section labeled "Wicked Witch's Rules." Again, I have a small wee problem with people telling other people that there are inherent rules that people THROUGHOUT the community follow. Because that's totally bullshit. But I also have problems with the rules themselves.
1. Magic must have meaning to have power.
She goes to say that if something doesn't evoke a strong emotion then it's not worth doing, and you're only going through the motions. And then turns around and says, oh but she's not living your life and that you should tweak things how you please. Oh sure. Oh sure. Except here's the problem, Ms. Telesco, and that is I regularly perform spells WITHOUT having a "meaning" behind them, some for experiments, and some for other processes. I've come to find that spells which have or don't have emotional responses are equivalent in both the way they complete and get to the goal, but also the amount of "goal" or the amount of time that the goal is done by. It isn't really a factor for my spell work. But apparently, I'm not a witch, because "Witches don't live that way and they certainly don't weave magic that way." What the fuck is this? Really, what the fuck is this. You're absolutely right, you aren't the spiritual expert of my life, and you can just go the fuck on.
2. Be your own priest, priestess, guru, and guide.
In this section, again, we find that Telesco doesn't know where to tow that standard bullshit rule line here, because she continues to assert the responsibility of the PERSON doing the witchcraft as being held accountable TO THEMSELVES [notice, not to some external authority].
3. Progress in witchery is YOUR progress, pace accordingly to your vision.
And, I think that this quote sums up my entire feeling on authors in the new age community and this book, "It's fine to listen to well-intentioned advice on how to master certain processes, especially from people you trust and respect. Balancing that statement, you must decide what to accept or reject of this advise as effective and true for your spiritual life."
4. Attitude is everything.
Now this section decides that it is a therapist and tells you that you shouldn't ever have a demeanor which is "naive" or "perpetual victim" [which how the fuck are you to judge that, Telesco], that all you need to change your problematic [it's not problematic] demeanor is to just "get off your magical ass" and do something. Except that this totally ignores and shames people who have real life issues with various things. Depression is not something you can just "get over" by getting up off you "ass." I don't need to beat this topic of mental illness shaming to death here, but if you aren't a therapist or a psychologist or anyone who has any hand at all in the study and care of mental illness or human mental health, you need to step the fuck off and walk the fuck home and think about what is wrong with that.
5. Even if you don't feel good, LOOK good, and always accessorize!
Sorry, Telesco, you are not the fashion police. You do not get to tell people what they can or can't appear like because of some misguided idea that you are somehow telling someone good advice. It's clear that you're judgmental on appearance alone. Crystal. Clear.
6. Practice sound spiritual hygiene.
In this section, Telesco appropriates smudging. If you aren't aware, Smudging is a specific practice with specific ways of going about it, and it has specific traditions. This is one of the most commonly appropriated practices from a collection of First Nation Tribes from the United States. Oh but who the fuck cares because it's so widely stolen anyway! The people from the tribes do. See the Lakota Declaration of War if you think that tribes don't give a shit what you've stolen or appropriated from them as just one example of the displeasure that these people have against having their cultural ripped from their hands and shat on by people.
7. Do unto others before they do unto you.
I don't have much to say for this vapid section, beyond, "Do what you want to others, but don't hurt them though, okay? No hurty."
8. Keep your nails and wits sharp.
Generally, by itself, I think this "rule" is pretty good, without the underlying commentary from Telesco. Keeping your "attacking" mechanism sharp against people that would otherwise harm or take advantage of you is pretty good advice, in my opinion.
9. Living well is the best revenge.
I don't really know what to say about this rule, beyond ow my brain cells.
10. Own a decent broom.
No. Own a broom if that's how your practice works, and uses it. There is a lot of broom lore, a lot of broom techniques, and a hell of a lot of spells which include various KINDS of brooms [notice, there isn't just one kind, hint hint]. But it's not a rule or some fucking expectation that every witch has a working broom.
11. Learn the Lingo
And no examples of the lingo to be learned is listed here. Only a bullshit conversation about not bragging.
12. The worse it sounds or looks, the better it works.
... You know... I'm not even going there.
13. Don't turn people into toads!
Which reads, "let me remind you of the of that threefold rule I haven't talked about in a while" and then appropriates Karma. Yes, yes, whatever you say.
14. Admit when you screw up, celebrate when you do it right.
*pointed look.*
15. Keep everything in Balance and have fun.
Except... that's not balanced if you're always having fun....

Now moving on into chapter two. We find the lovable "Eye of newt, toe of frog, wool of bat, and tongue of dog. YUCK!" fun times which most new age authors eventually get into because they have no idea that sometimes herbs were listed in these terms and not specifically animal parts. Though animal parts have their place in witchcraft and in pagan religions and traditions, just as any other tool or object would. It depends on the practice and the person, it's not "yuck" it's just what people use. Ignoring the fact that she seems to think that "symbols" are better than physical things for spell work because that's not always how it fucking works, I am impressed that she at least mentions that parts of the animal [like fur] is used often enough than the whole animal. This is a key discussion in the witchcraft community that "sacrificing animals" is equivalent to the idea of KILLING the animal. Sacrifices do not always mean or need death, sometimes it is just as sacrificial to have a piece of the fur as it would be to have a full blown carcass. However, that does not mean her advice about using a picture of a carving will work in this situation. It can, it may, but it may not.
And after spanning the large list of this section [page consumption] where I will not be getting into every single thing that's probably problematic, we reach the crystals, metals and minerals. Now, this section, again, shall we refer to the fact that there is NO SUCH WARNING that handling certain rocks may require specifically gloves and proper storage. No instead, we'll just brush our skirts around the ground, lalallalala, stones can't hurt us even though some of these stones listened in here (as well as metals) can be hazardous to touch or breath in [see flaking and dust]. And more lists within lists. I'm just going to move on without going through each one. I mean, if we moved all the lists into an appendix or appendices, I think you'd find that the content of this book as actually less than a hundred pages [if fifty pages]. And it just keeps going on through the Processes segment of the chapter. No mention of the fact that most of these lists about months and weekday correspondences come directly out of the Renaissance. No sources, still no sources. It just keeps go.
Now that we've made it through the list chapter of two, we'll get more of the same in chapter three though not nearly as bad. I'm going to skip most of this, besides meditation that one does not need to meditate unless one wants to. And get into the meat of the piece that I want to talk to which is the frequent use of slurs in this chapter.
Now perhaps, Telesco, was not aware and is ignorant of this, but using the word 'G~' which is commonly used as a slur towards the Rroma and Sinti [and several other tribes] people, is highly fucking offensive. It is still used today as a slur and is still used in law books. It was used during The Devouring [English translation] in Nazi Germany as part of the methods for destroying people that did not fit in with the Nazi's master plans. The fact that she keeps using it over and over again along with the stereotype of a "psychic" is honestly, I can't even describe my feelings on the matter. I suggest, that any further changes which are made to this book in later editions, fucking have an apology in the front and the removal of the slur from the fucking book itself, totally. This is absolutely unacceptable. This is one of the primary reasons that I say not to bother purchasing this book, because it makes it causal to use slurs.
Moving on to the divination types and kinds section:
In the card system section, I thought she was extremely creative about other alternatives to tarot, but I have to say. Did writing words on a pieces of paper, not cross her mind. Or were they not witchy enough or didn't have the same mystical feel? It's a question I have when I come across someone who claims to be following KISS [Keep it simple and sublime] when they don't even bother to actually make very simple and very cheap ideas divination ideas. Plus the fact that she seems to think that images are the only way you can get divination references. What.
Now I have a bone to pick with Telesco about the paragraph and second paragraph in the beginning of the Cast and Drawn Systems, The way she wrote this section, (and I had to read it a couple of times before I really got what she had INTENDED on saying) she implied that card systems are not as symbolic or as random as a cast and drawn systems are. What. And that they (card systems) are so simple that they can be read for abbreviated readings. I believe what she had intended on discussing was how they differ from each other, and how they compare to each other and why one would pick one system of divination over the other. However, this comes across as looking her nose down at card systems - which is her opinion but not a fact. Card systems can be very symbolic and very random. In fact, some people have such a hard time with using tarot because it's just layered in symbolism that they use other methodologies.
Full Review on My Tumblr

[Melissa Pawless · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a cute read on everything Wicca with some good recipes! It seems like it’s more suited for teenagers and is told from a very modern viewpoint. I read it in two days. I think the cover is cute but the title was why I bought it. Out of all the books I’ve read on Wicca, this was definitely the most modernized one. The author seems really down to earth and her tone throughout the book keeps your attention.

[A. J · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF at page 120.

[Kayoc · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting read.

[D. R. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really cute book with some very clever ways to use what you have for magic. It does not bog you down with theory or morals, so that may be one minus. However, what is presented here is an on-hands way to craft magic. It's a quick read, so you don't need a lot of time. It's done in the typical Telesco style; humor and playfulness abound. Which, personally, I really enjoy. Magic should be lighthearted at times. Some of the ideas will suit, some will not. Either way it helps to spark creativity and a new way of using everyday items to spark your magic. This is probably best used by someone who either has a good, solid foundation or is at least working toward one.

[Kosjitov · Rating 2 out of 5]

I rather enjoyed this tattered old book in spite of my tendencies to dislike any books with recipes for spells. It does have some useful words of wisdom for people intent on slinging spells/hexes/curses and offers a more positive light for moving forward. It's not bad overall but certainly not something I would add to my permanent shelf; I would say it was worth the time I spent reading it. It's given me inspiration to try other divination methods than just cards and reminded me of the more lighthearted avenues of the witch.

[Connie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am actually still going thru this and will keep refering to it now and then. It is good with some spells, color referencing, how to make some of your own things and attitude (the one you need to have to be a witch).

[Primadonna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quite inspiring, since it gives you fresh ideas to practice. However, I won't recommend it for beginners.

[Dimka · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wicca's not my path but this book is really cute & helpful.

[M— · Rating 2 out of 5]

Preliminary guide to witchcraft by means of a very power 90s, self-help route. Recommended only for young teens with curiosity in this area. The cover artwork is pure awesome, though.

[Miranda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fabulous book..

[Madamemortician · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this as a gift many years ago. Recommend for beginners or as an easy read.

[Amanda Seymour · Rating 3 out of 5]

it is not the best wicca book!!! but it's a fun book... shows you alot about wicca.

[Bert · Rating 4 out of 5]

so far I am enjoying this book