Was That Really Me?: How Everyday Stress Brings Out Our Hidden Personality

by Naomi L. Quenk

In Was That Really Me?, Naomi Quenk has provided the next giant step in applying Jung’s model of development in healthy personalities. That step is to understand, accept, and learn to handle our hidden personality responsibly. Updating the classic Beside Ourselves, Quenk has given us a way to understand this part of ourselves as well as a practical guide for turning what appears to be negative into a positive awareness that enhances our growth and effectiveness. People typically find this to be a surprisingly freeing experience.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Business, Mental Health

370 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 13, 2002

Reviews

[K.M. Weiland · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been growing more and more interested in MBTI and grabbed this book out of a desperate need to finally figure out how the heck the cognitive functions played a role in determining type. If nothing else, this book gets my undying gratitude for helping me understanding how the introverted and extroverted functions play a role in each type - and how they *determine* the type.

The book is heavy going and took me about twice as long to read as it should have. But I learned a ton about MBTI in general and the grip in particular. It didn't answer all my questions, but the new questions it raised are all important and juicy ones to which I look forward to finding the answers elsewhere. I don't understand it all, by any means, but I think I've finally got a handle on it!

[Hillary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone who has talked to me recently has probably had to listen to me talk about cognitive functions and this book. If you aren’t sure what your Myers Briggs type is now, this book can almost certainly help you confirm it. The emphasis in this book is also on the weaknesses of each type and how to use that knowledge for growth. The sections on my type and my husband’s were spot on and I feel like I better understand the psychology behind MBTI and cognitive types much better...even if I am still struggling to communicate that to others.

[Jonathan Karmel · Rating 3 out of 5]

According to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®, people tend to fall into one of sixteen personality types, based on the combination of these 4 dichotomies: people are either Introverted or Extroverted; people tend to rely more on Sensing (believe in observable facts) or more on iNtuition (trust impressions, look for future possibilities); people tend to be Thinking or Feeling; and people are either Judging (prefer to have things resolved) or Perceiving (prefer to keep options open). For example, I am an ISTJ. The "opposite" of me is ENFP.

In addition to a person’s “dominant” personality type, some believers in this typology think that a person also has an “auxiliary,” “tertiary” and “inferior” type. This book is about the “inferior” type, the “hidden personality” that manifests itself when a person is under stress. The inferior function emerges from the unconscious, making a person feel “in the grip” of his or her inferior function. The person may say, “I don't know what got into me.” It often feels like being out of control. In my case, my “inferior” function is extroverted intuition.

The book has more material about how this inferior function manifests itself in the workplace than in a person’s personal life, and I would have to say that this book seemed to make more sense for me in the workplace than in my personal life.

I don’t personally find it so useful to think about auxiliary, tertiary and inferior types. Rather, it makes more sense to me simply to think about the importance of understanding and developing the 4 personality attributes that are the opposite of my natural tendencies.

From what I know about Jungian psychology and the Myers-Briggs test, I think men tend to be “thinking” and women tend to be “feeling.” But in a male-female relationship, a man’s feeling side often unconsciously manifests itself as “anima,” and a woman’s thinking side often unconsciously manifests itself as “animus.” I personally feel like it’s more valuable to try to become conscious of this kind of complex, develop this "opposite" to be able to express it in a mature way, and learn how to accept this aspect of personality.

[Clemens Lode · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great insights :) While I skimmed over the basic type descriptions and "real life recounts" in the middle, and while I already made similar conclusions myself, the discussion of the inferior function really gave me a new insight of who I am. I know now better when to step back and take a deep breath - but also when to follow through with something.

Recommended for anyone interested in a more balanced inner life :)

[Sheree Tampus · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very insightful read on the analysis of stress and stressors each personality type. The language is formal and direct, although it would be much more interesting if the personalities were analyzed individually instead of pairing them up. Nevertheless, a very interesting read and detailed introduction into the study of typology.

[Cassandra Halm · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent explanations of how the MBTI types react under stress! I highly recommend this book for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of MBTI & why people can seem to act outside their personality type or even test as the opposite type.

[Anita Ashland · Rating 4 out of 5]

This books gives a nice detailed overview of how the inferior function manifests itself in the 16 personality types. It provides insights into workplace, hobbies, midlife, and how to deal with inferior function problems.

[Jess Dollar · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very interesting MBTI book looking at the inferior functions.

[Katarina Stenstedt · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you know a lot about Myers-Briggs typology, this book is a fascinating and helpful deep dive. If you're just getting started with the MBTI, this probably isn't the best place to start.

[shane · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5/5

finished this a few days ago but i'm adding the review now.

not really insightful at all tbh 😭 i guessed most of the things it said beforehand but i prob know way too much about the mbti cuz it was all i thought about for a long time. but anyways the book also contradicted itself a lot. the INFP and ENFJ inferior function sections seemed the same to the point where it made me forget the difference between Ti and Te and question the validity of the entire theory. and then it bored me with its dramatized and unrealistic real life examples.

let's be honest it's pseudoscience anyway. and then naomi quenk told me to stop being such a negative infp who presumed that they would fail at everything they tried which was SO rude...

it's probably more helpful than i'm making it out to be, but i think it reveals that i care more about using the MBTI to analyze and box myself rather than to try and make myself better, which is my problem but this is also my opinion soooo

[Sean Paul Irwin · Rating 5 out of 5]

5-star book. It helped me understand myself and others better. I didn't read the entire book from cover to cover merely reading up on the people I know personality types. However, I will turn to it every time I'm dealing with someone with a particular personality type to understand them better. You have to practice detecting peoples MBTI because it can be awkward asking them to take the test lol, for those I know, it'll be straight forward. However, I think I learnt what to look for and what questions to ask to recognise peoples MBTI without directly asking due to an understanding of the eight functions explained throughout the book 💫

[Ashley Marilynne Wong · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book, with its non-judgemental tone and wealth of depth to boot, was definitely one of the better MBTI books out there. After Gifts Differing left a bad taste in my mouth, it helped me restore some of my – type-based – emotional equilibrium. I mean, my healthy scepticism remains intact, but I’ll still allow myself to indulge in my guilty pleasure by delving deep into MBTI from time to time. Or whenever I feel like it really.

[cindy]

Ok now I know I'm an infp and I can stop obsessing over what ifs and spending my precious spare time looking at articles that just give me more questions!!!! jk I will still do that 👍👍👍 gaslighting myself is fun

[Simon Weinberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent, fascinating book which I highly recommend if you are a fan on Myers-Briggs and wat to take it to the next level.

[Helen (they or he) · Rating 4 out of 5]

A deep-dive into inferior functions! I didn't really recognize my inferior function in play before now. If you have a pretty good knowledge about mbti and function stacks, I recommend this to you.

[Gerry]

I normally don't read these sorts of mass-market self-help books, but this was recommended to me by a speaker at a recent conference (WELL, Women Educators and Language Learners at NWEC, the National Women' Education Center) and I am really glad to have found it. This is truly insightful analysis based on solid research. I became interested in the Myers-Briggs Typology Index back in the nineties and was typed as an INFP. Quenk (Berkeley) fine-tunes the MBTI to show that it's not just a system of rigid dualistic pigeonholes (as it is dismissed by some cynics), that the 16 combinations are tendencies and people's types change over life as they expand their repertoire to respond more flexibly to various situations. I especially like the way she explains the inferior function and the difference between that and the Jungian idea of the shadow, as well as the way she describes each dominant type by way of contrast with its opposite, which often appears in caricature form when one is "in the grip" of one's inferior function.

[Charity · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not a bad book. Best if you know something about the subject material going in, but it does do an overview of the basic functions of each type. It's fascinating how different types act on their inferior functions under stressful situations -- how the thinker types become emotional, and the other types can become paranoid or reckless. I found the inferior Se grip of the INXJs fits me to a T -- it explains my behavior in times of intense stress.

[Mohammed Saeed · Rating 5 out of 5]

I know about MBTI personality types but some ppl really behave opposite to their personality including me..it accurately indicate the state of not being oneself...regarding my personality it gives the exact thoughts passes my head..really deserve reading for all who is interested in MBTI personality

[Donna Dunning]

I found it really helpful to understand how different people tend to respond to stress.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book on personality types.

[Melson Chun · Rating 5 out of 5]

an excellent explanation follow-up book to the world of myers-briggs

[Nitin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A real self help book. Read it if you what to know how you behave under stress.

[Mi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved that how the personality types were dissected and analysed.
Knowing self's strong and less strong points is rewarding as you know that there is so much room for growth.
Good read!

[Brenna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a good read! I learned a lot about how and why I respond to stress the way I do.

[Miku · Rating 4 out of 5]

7 out of 10

[Ursula]

Provides a new lens to examine relationships and self.

[Darlene Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful resource for all those interested in the Myers Brigg Type Indicator and/or Carl Jung's theory of cognitive preferences. I plan to keep the book on my shelf as a go-to resource book.

[Rebecca]

really liked this. it's written in a very clear and simple way and there are many examples. it really helped me understand some mbti terms and how the function theory manifests in each type.