What the Mouth Wants: A Memoir of Food, Love and Belonging

by Monica Meneghetti

This mouthwatering, intimate, and sensual memoir traces Monica Meneghetti’s unique life journey through her relationship with food, family and love. As the youngest child of a traditional Italian-Catholic immigrant family, Monica learns the intimacy of the dinner table and the ritual of meals, along with the requirements of conformity both at the table and in life. Monica is thirteen when her mother is diagnosed with breast cancer and undergoes a mastectomy. When her mother dies three years later, Monica considers the existence of her own breasts and her emerging sexuality in the context of grief and the disintegration of her sense of family.

As Monica becomes an adult, she discovers a part of her self that rebels against the rigours of her traditional upbringing. And as the layers of her sexuality are revealed she begins to understand that like herbs infusing a sauce with flavour, her differences add a delicious complexity to her life.

But in coming to terms with her place in the margins of the margins, Monica must also face the challenge of coming out while living in a small town, years before same-sex marriage and amendments to the Charter of Rights and Freedoms created safer spaces for queers. Through risk, courage, and heartbreak, she ultimately redefines and recreates family and identity according to her own alternative vision.

Genres: Queer, Nonfiction, Memoir, Canada, Food, Bisexual

192 pages, Paperback

First published March 8, 2017

Reviews

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

A luscious, succulent memoir filled with sex and food that will have you craving fresh pasta, grieving lost loves, and probably wishing you were Italian. Meneghetti shares her memories, her family history, and some of her favourite recipes in this complex and layered piece. The layout reminded me of Like Water for Chocolate; most chapters were molded around a specific recipe or ingredient. Both books have abusive parents. In Like Water for Chocolate it is the matriarch, but in What the Mouth Wants the father is the toxic one. Meneghetti struggles against his restrictions. His hostility and judgement whenever she bypasses conventional social norms. She also touches on learning to accept her identity as a queer woman. Growing up in a small town in the era before gay marriage was legalized adds another layer of difficulty to the process of self-discovery we all do as we age, and Meneghetti traces her revelations bravely here. Her writing drifts gently between straightforward recounting and more poetic, almost dream-like sequences. She muses on the nature of memory and recollection the same way she muses on the qualities of the perfect risotto. It's all very delicate. Almost baroque. If you're in the mood for something rich and complex, this could be the book for you.

[CaseyTheCanadianLesbrarian · Rating 2 out of 5]

A few of the pieces in here were quite interesting with poetic writing, but overall this memoir left me wanting. It didn't feel cohesive. I'm all for non-linear memoirs, but this one was written in many, sometimes very short pieces that stood on their own without any flow between. It's divided into sections like a meal (appetizers, mains, dessert) but I didn't see why or feel like it added anything. I also felt like the characters never came alive. Full review on my blog.

[Maryjmetz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Old cover but I assume it's the same book on the inside. I picked this book up late on Thursday evening as I was trying decide on a new book to read. (I'm doing the Seattle Arts & Lectures/Public Library summer reading bingo which means I'm a little obsessed about how my next book fits into the total scheme these days.) Before I'd shifted from my position on the floor I'd inhaled all of the first section, "Antipasti." You could say I was hooked. You could say I'd beckoned the charming Italian server over and told her I'd have everything on the menu.

It's a book about food, about families, about sexuality, about regret, about making decisions, about sorrow, about loss, about memory, about life. Mostly, for me, it was about food. And about mothers. But I think that different readers will find different parts resonate with them more which is just what a good book does. I just finished it this afternoon (I truly gulped it down) so I can't say yet which parts will stick with me most but just now I'm thinking Monica has a lot in common with Proust. "What The Mouth Wants," however, is 95% shorter.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Meneghetti is an excellent writer, whether she is rhapsodizing over food, nature, love, or the nature of love, the workings of memory, or how every meal, every experience can be an expression of love.
How good is she? She made this confirmed city gal envious of her experiences hiking in the Rockies, feeling the cool breeze coming off an icy glacier, foraging for mushrooms with the sensation of fingers deep in the mossy soil. Whether she is in Italy or Canada, you can taste the air she is breathing in.
In some ways it is a memoir about writing a memoir - and that is much better than I make it sound. You should read the book and find out. And yes, it's a record of a life lived far from the well-traveled road of heterosexual love and romance, but with a delightful conclusion.

[Jennifer Pownall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Meneghetti’s memoir is a sumptuous feast of words. In exploring traditional and alternative relationships through the lens of mealtimes, she is able to capture beautifully the social complexities revealed throughout her life. This lovely book is spun together with food metaphors, including startlingly beautiful details such as, “Mushrooms whose caps know the shiatsu of rain.” With lyrical descriptions, poignant recollections of family, and universal insights that speak to creating a sense of belonging, What The Mouth Wants is welcome, well-seasoned nourishment for the spirit.

[Chelsea Elwood · Rating 3 out of 5]

Utterly charming. Quick read. I enjoyed it, although, some of the essays were much more poignant and stronger than others.

[Sierra Gemma · Rating 4 out of 5]

What the Mouth Wants has a very interesting structure. Meneghetti's life story is not told by years—it does not unfold chronologically. Rather, it is measured by meals: festive holiday feasts with relatives abroad, difficult family dinners infused with grief, and intimate suppers with lovers. Food helps define feelings, explain the meaning of family, expand sexual horizons. The chapters are sometimes aperitifs, sometimes entrées, sometimes dessert. The memoir tackles difficult and misunderstood experiences from the loss of a parent to polyamory. Despite this, I didn't feel weighed down by the subject matter.

The book is infused with a flavour all its own. I don't think it is a coincidence that after several hours of reading (I'm a very slow reader), I had a sudden and mysterious urge to tiptoe into the kitchen for a midnight snack.

[Chris Harrison · Rating 3 out of 5]

In What the Mouth Wants, Meneghetti shares poignant moments of her life, including relationships, family and her sexuality through the metaphor of food. Some of the pieces are simple recipes. Some are descriptions of memorable meals. Some are life lessons told using the lens of food. Through her vivid descriptions of harvesting, preparing, cooking and sharing food, she shares the tender and intimate moments of her life, as well as the painful and heartbreaking moments. I really enjoyed Meneghetti’s beautiful writing.

[Meg]

Fragments, tenuously connected. Do they all hang together? No. But that also feels true.