It's not even funny how right I was about this book. The writing was depressingly juvenile, and it was so chock-full of cliches and purple prose, I wanted to punch a wall. The prose was sickeningly sweet, and dripping in syrupy fakeness.
"I like you so much it could be love."
Really? Love. You literally just met her. Generally speaking, sixteen-year-olds don't know what the deuce love is, or what the fuck soulmates are, I don't think. I cannot deal with this whole "we're meant 2 b 2gether 4ever" crap from sixteen-year-olds. It is artificial and unrealistic. Obviously I was also not the intended audience for this book. And I have this qualm about "influencers". In that it isn't really a job.
Everyone in this book is so over-dramatic. I felt like everyone was doing a hair-flip each time they talked. Or "sassed", and I use the word "sassed" lightly here. If this was the final, ghost-written product, I do not want to know what Ms. Sugg's original book was like. It is impossible for this to have been worse than it was. It is so hard to believe this was written by an adult; barring trying to sound verbose by saying something was "vacuous" and "inane". A twelve-year-old masquerading as an adult, perhaps. There were so many exclamation points, like OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have many, many pet peeves, and overuse of punctuation is definitely one. No adult I know writes like that. A thirteen-year-old could have written better. This literary catastrophe beat Harry Potter for selling the most number of books in its first week?!! Mother of god.
Its portrayal of high-school life was unnecessarily dramatic and unintentionally funny. I also hated how everything just sort of came together in the end, with no real explanation or solution. Of course, because that's how real life works. Let me tell you how things in this book work: Penny has a problem, Penny feels bad about the problem, Penny blogs about the problem, people apologise to Penny, Penny is perfect once again. Over and over and over again till the end of the damn world.
It didn't even deal with issues like cyber-bullying in a complete, wholesome manner; the issue just came up and faded into black, and everything was back to normal again. Perhaps, maybe, it was a filler? Also, I find the reason for her being bullied awfully silly (not saying that people don't get bullied for silly reasons, just that sensitive issues should be better dealt with in books), and that just one post, one revelation ended it all. That's it. Penny has no online bullies anymore and everyone loves her. NO. It would've been more real if she retained some bullies, if there were people who had a problem with what she was doing. That would've made Penny likeable. But of course, who wants that? Cyber-bullying a sensitive issue, and if you're bringing it up, just go the extra mile and do it right. The same with panic attacks. The inclusion of mental illness in this book was in bad taste, and mostly because like much of anything in this book, it wasn't actually dealt with. I constantly suffer from panic attacks, and I can tell you, nothing works like that.
Penny, hasn't a clue that people can actually suffer from "panic attacks". Which is fine, I guess, until she thinks she's the
only one who suffers from them
. Oh, and Penny's panic attacks last all about five minutes. What. The. Fuck. No. Panic attacks are not small "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god", followed by complete normalcy. Panic attacks are a serious mental issue that require therapy. People are scared of leaving their house for days, weeks even after panic attacks. Nobody goes cavorting across the Big Apple with their newfound love after one. Research, Ms. Sugg. Do it. It would help you not insult people for whom this is a reality.
The characters weren't exactly appealing either. Penny is a complete airhead, and Elliot is so overtly, fabulously gay, I feel like the sexual identity has been used only to give him "character". Still, Elliot is literally the only sane character in this clusterfuck, and thank god for him, otherwise I'm pretty sure Penny would be lying dead in a dark alley by now. And Noah, picture-perfect and musician extraordinaire, who talks like a twelve year-old boy. The use of "humour" to lighten the situation is laughable, but mostly because every attempt made by the author falls flat. The romantic leads try to be cute and coy with each other, but their attempts are more cringeworthy and childish than anything else. I felt like I was in a high-school drama, and not a good one.
As a girl who's very close to her parents, let me tell you, my healthy relationship with my parents does not stem from them letting me do everything I want, no matter how puerile and vapid my ideas were. It is so because they let me get mad at them for not letting me act out the more idiotic ideas I had when I was younger. If your idea of parenting is all freedom and no restriction, you're seriously doing it wrong. Do you ever read books where everything's been done wrong? This one right here is exhibit A.
I've read high-school dramas that I've really quite enjoyed, and I'm not even talking about the classic ones. Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda was a book that was contemporaneously published. It was a book I truly enjoyed. This book can learn so, so much from that book!
Moral of the story: Not every YouTuber can become a writer, even if her cheering fanbase will buy anything she writes. Zoe Sugg could shit on a sheet and sell it as "literature" (kind of what she did here anyway), and her worshipping fans would buy it all. (This is not me being bitter, this is me weeping for the state of affairs as it exists today.) Also, that I should never waste 260 rupees on crap like this.
--INITIAL REVIEW--
Everyone knows how I feel about crappy romance novels, and this has all the signs.
Also, I'm pretty famous in college; can I also release a book that will break all sales records in its first week?