The Jewish Wedding Now

by Anita Diamant

Newly revised and updated, the definitive guide to planning a Jewish wedding, written by bestselling novelist Anita Diamant—author of The Red Tent and The Boston Girl —and one of the most respected writers of guides to contemporary Jewish life.

This complete, easy-to-use guide explains everything you need to know to plan your own Jewish wedding in today’s ever-changing world where the very definition of what constitutes a Jewish wedding is up for discussion.

With enthusiasm and flair, Anita Diamant provides choices for every stage of a wedding—including celebrations before and after the ceremony itself—providing both traditional and contemporary options. She explains the Jewish tradition of love and marriage with references drawn from Biblical, Talmudic, and mystical texts and stories. She guides you step by step through planning the ceremony and the party that follows—from finding a rabbi and wording the invitation to organizing a processional and hiring a caterer. Samples of wedding invitations and ketubot (marriage contracts) are provided for inspiration and guidance, as well as poems that can be incorporated into the wedding ceremony or party and a variety of translations of traditional texts.

“There is no such thing as a generic Jewish wedding,” writes Anita Diamant, “no matter what the rabbi tells you, no matter what the caterer tells you, no matter what your mother tells you.” Complete, authoritative, and indispensable, The Jewish Wedding Now provides personalized options—some new, some old—to create a wedding that combines spiritual meaning and joyous celebration and reflects your individual values and beliefs.

Genres: Nonfiction, Judaism, Jewish, Religion, Marriage, Reference

256 pages, Paperback

Published June 6, 2017

About the author

Anita Diamant is the author of thirteen books -- including THE RED TENT. Based on the biblical story of Dinah, THE RED TENT became a word-of-mouth bestseller in the US and around the world, where it has been published in more than 25 countries.

Her new book, a work of nonfiction. PERIOD. END OF SENTENCE. A NEW CHAPTER IN THE FIGHT FOR MENSTRUAL JUSTICE will be published in May 2021., As different as they are, this book returns to some of the themes of THE RED TENT -- including the meaning and experience of menstruation.

Anita has written four other novels: GOOD HARBOR, THE LAST DAYS OF DOGTOWN, DAY AFTER NIGHT, and THE BOSTON GIRL. She is also the author of six non-fiction guides to contemporary Jewish life, which have become classic reference books: THE JEWISH WEDDING NOW, THE JEWISH BABY BOOK, LIVING A JEWISH LIFE, CHOOSING A JEWISH LIFE, HOW TO RAISE A JEWISH CHILD, and SAYING KADDISH..

An award-winning journalist, Diamant's articles have appeared in the Boston Globe, Real Simple, Parenting Magazine, Hadassah, Boston Magazine and Yankee Magazine. PITCHING MY TENT, a collection personal essays, is drawn from twenty years worth of newspaper and magazine columns.

Reviews

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Part of my workload as a high school teacher is a course called Ethics and Religious Culture. I completely approached this book from a teaching perspective as I am always looking out for new resources about different religious traditions and their various rites of passage. This is an updated current version of a book that the author originally wrote in 1985. The layout, complete with illustrations, and user friendly language, makes this book accessible to students. Readers wishing to delve deeper into religious texts might want to look elsewhere, but this book is a good introduction.


Thanks to NetGalley for an uncorrected digital galley in exchange for an honest review.

[Amanda Feldman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m ready for my Jewish wedding NOW

[Margaret Klein · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the 3rd edition of a book I bought as a newly engaged woman 30+ years ago. It sustained me then. It sustains me now and it reflects changes in our society. Her writing is breezy and sparkles. She speaks directly to a newly engaged couple, who she consistently calls "the beloveds." The book is updated. Includes resources for interfaith couples, LGBTQ couples, new art, new poetry while retaining the best of the older editions. At times it made me smile nostalgically while I remembered discussions for my own wedding, Anita Diamant's older edition in hand, around yichud and mikveh. Now I smile remembering time spent with wedding couples at Mayyim Hayyim. I will again buy multiple copies of this book to give to wedding couples.

[Julia Rothschild]

You bet your ass im counting this toward my 2025 reading challenge

[Abby · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly recommend for anyone who needs help planning their Jewish wedding now!

[Andrew Cantor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Can’t wait to marry the love of my life in 5.5 months! Fitting book to complete my 2023 reading goal!

[Alexa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Basic but helpful guide to the modern Jewish wedding.

[Liana Bejar · Rating 4 out of 5]

got a lot of cool ideas from this book!!

I really want to do a mikveh outdoors in a lake surrounded by friends I think that would be really meaningful to me

[Priscilla Blum · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved learning the history behind traditions at Jewish weddings and how they are honored today!

[Cara Kupferman · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s a helpful (if somewhat basic) primer for any Jewish nearlywed that does a good job at making space for the diversity of Jewish couples today

[Ilana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Since 1985, The Jewish Wedding by Anita Diamant sees a new edition, aimed to include the latest changes and understandings of the Jewish life in the last years, including the acceptance of same sex marriages. 'Jewish weddings are grounded in the past, but they have always been the stuff of the irrepressible present'.
Written in an accessible way, with many interesting Biblical and tradition-bounded examples, the book offers valuable insights into both the preparation process and the event as such, covering very important elements, such as the content of the ketuba, how to split the costs or dealing with tests for identifying possible genetic diseases. My list is considerably random and reductive but it is up to the reader to find out a lot of other intersting aspects. This is one of the many merits of this book: it is hardly an aspect of the Jewish Wedding left uncovered and I wish there are such valuable resources covering other important moments of the Jewish life circle too.
It also doesn't matter if you grew up Jewish or not or if you are part of a conservative or more liberal congregation: it creates bridges between different traditions and interpretations of the Jewish law being also a hard work of anthropolotical-like research and inquiry. If you are a person who, regardless of your own background and personal choices, you want to learn, this book will open your mind to a whole range of diverse customs, many of them newly introduced following the new society trends.
The book is mostly focused on the main checklist, without covering particular traditions and community rules, but such a particular focus would have divert from the main aim which is The Jewish Wedding in general, and not specific Jewish wedding(s).
A book recommended to anyone curious about how the Jewish Wedding are organised or just looking for a complete overview of this important life event.

Disclaimer: Book offered by the publisher in exchange for an honest review

[Savannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Favorite quotes:

“to dance at a Jewish wedding is to dance on Hitler’s grave."

“No ketubah was ever signed without an argument."

“There is no huppah without crying.”

[Sarah day · Rating 3 out of 5]

this is a very useful resource and i’m really glad I read it! i’ve worked in jewish communities for a long time & even helped officiate some jewish weddings, but this book proved there’s still PLENTY to learn! I loved the combination of practical advice and historical context. I think this would also be a useful read for someone who’s marrying in to the jewish tradition and wants to learn the basics about our wedding customs.

I knocked 2 stars off because there’s some pretty blatant Zionist slant in here…the book even recommends brides and grooms purchase israeli made wedding wines to show “solidarity” with israel. I found that to be both gross and unnecessarily alienating to Jews (like me) who support palestinian liberation and would never consider buying israeli-made. if we are really going to unpack the plurality of global jewry, then political diversity must also be acknowledged. I resent how this book conflates Zionism with jewish tradition…truly so unhelpful, especially if this book is to serve as a resource to people outside our community. perhaps the next edition will rectify this, but I won’t hold my breath.

[Victoria Maqueda · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick and insightful read. While I did learn a lot as a non-Jew, I do still think this book is better suited for Jews as they plan their weddings. I will encourage my fiancé to read it!

[Chloe · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was full of useful information that was highly applicable to modern day Jews. Pretty much everything I wanted to know or had questions about was addressed. Diamant gave some great examples, useful resources, provided an index and glossary, and wrote from the perspectives of Reform, Conservative and Orthodox Jews, making this book relevant to a wide audience. Diamant did not assume the gender or sexuality of the reader, even providing suggestions and alternatives for couples blending families, re-marriages after death/divorce, and LGBTQ+ couples.

No matter your background, if you are planning a Jewish wedding and need some guidance, I would recommend you start here.

[Trisha Swed · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy read- breaks down every element pretty clearly. It was inclusive of all different types of Jewish families. Including how to incorporate different cultural, egalitarian, and religious backgrounds into a Jewish wedding. The book also included helpful information and rituals for same sex/ LGBTQAI couples.

My partner is also going to read it and I believe this will but exactly what he needs to feel like he understands what is going on and can have an active part in the process.

[Shanni · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must-read for contemporary couples planning a Jewish wedding. Anita Diamant does an excellent job communicating traditional and updated wedding practices, offering alternative texts and rituals that may be preferred over the more Orthodox rites. My Rabbi requires all couples to read the book before their wedding, and after finishing it, I see why.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just Say Yes!

I'm not anywhere close to actually needing this, I just love weddings and was fascinated by the traditions and rites around it! It was written in such a way that I found it completely accessible. Everything was laid out clearly and it was so easy to read. At this point I'd probably read a pamphlet by Anita Diamant!

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marrying into a Jewish family, I have a lot of questions. This book is spectacular at explaining things, offering progressive options in todays world and really making one feel included regardless of religion or involvement. Beautiful and will definitely be using many suggestions from this book for the wedding.

[Eric · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this on our rabbi's rec! This was a helpful walk-through of Jewish wedding customs and what to expect, with both the old-fashioned traditions and more modern egalitarian interpretations. I liked that the essence of the book is like that Fiddler quote: "You may ask, why did this tradition get started? I'll tell you why - I don't know." TRADITIOOOON!!!

[Zach · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really interesting short book with lots of great ideas for incorporating Jewish tradition in your wedding. My favorite thing about the book is that it encourages listeners to interpret the term Jewish very broadly with a strong focus on egalitarianism and interfaith couples.

[Lauren W · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rabbi recommended it before our wedding - really enjoyed reading! Teaches ancient jewish wedding traditions but also discusses how these can be reimagined / refreshed for modern day. Anyone having a jewish wedding or marrying someone jewish I’d recommend!

[Andie Lyttle · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a convert who is getting married to someone who is not religiously affiliated, this was very helpful! I appreciated Diamant's intentionally LGBTQ-inclusive language. Sharing this with my other convert friends who are getting married as a starting point.

[Stacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A clear and thoughtful book about planning a Jewish wedding. I have been asked to officiate a friend's wedding and reading this book has made me so excited about all the questions I can ask to help the couple have a joyous simcha.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful, clear context regarding Jewish wedding traditions. As I prepare for my upcoming Jewish wedding, this book gave me valuable points to consider and discuss with our Rabbi. I recommend this book to anyone planning a Jewish wedding.

[Bonnie Katusich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great resource and outline. For me, a Christian Mom about to have a Jewish daughter in law, I appreciate the details and I am deeply touched with the Jewish foundations of peace, harmony, love, and community that a Jewish wedding incorporates.

[Deryn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very insightful and easy to read. I do have a few questions on topics I wished she covered more deeply, such as the mikveh. Perhaps those are my own personal curiosities. This book will be a profoundly helpful tool as my partner and I plan our upcoming wedding 💕.

[Jenn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful info if you’re thinking about marrying a Jew or about to marry one. Nice to know some background to the customs.

[Carmen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super helpful as a participant/officiant of mixed faith marriages.

[Kristen]

disclaimer: read this for my jewish weddings class lol!!