The Customer is Always Wrong: The Retail Chronicles

by Jeff Martin (Editor)

From mom-and-pop general stores to big-box, strip-mall chains, it is impossible to consider the American experience without thinking about the buying-and-selling retail culture: the sales and the stockrooms, the shift managers, and the clock punchers.

The Customer Is Always Wrong is a tragicomic and all-too revealing collection of essays by writers who have done their time behind the counter and lived to tell their tales. Jim DeRogatis, author of Let It Blurt, for example, describes hanging out with Al himself at Al Rocky’s Music Store, while Colson Whitehead explains how three summers at a Long Island ice cream store gave him a lifelong aversion to all things dessert-like. This book not only shines a light on the absurdities of retail culture but finds the delight in it as well.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Essays, Memoir, Business, Short Stories, Anthologies

172 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2008

About the author

Jeff Martin is an author and editor. His book, The Customer is Always Wrong: The Retail Chronicles was a National Book Critics Circle Award nominee, a book club selection for Foreword Magazine and a Shelf Awareness Book of the Year. His second book, My Dog Ate My Nobel Prize: The Fabricated Memoirs of Jeff Martin, was released in 2009. He is a frequent contributor to Publishers Weekly, National Public Radio and co-founder of Booksmart Tulsa. Jeff lives with his wife in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Reviews

[karen · Rating 2 out of 5]

how do you fuck this book up?? its maybe the most fruitful starting place for a book - People Who Have Annoyed Us In Retail. i mean, ive been in the book trade for about ten years, and i have waitressed and bartended and scooped ice cream and been exposed to so much in these jobs along the way. i could tell stories for days with all the material i have in me, and it would be way funnier and more interesting than these essays. and i dont think that is arrogant or bitchy, this time it is just a fact. i wish i had read the other reviews of this book before i picked it up, because im not alone in this. and its too bad - there are some good writers in this batch, but these stories just arent funny and the book is way too short to please me. next!

[Christopher · Rating 3 out of 5]

"We'll all be waiters and waited upon, respected, disrespected, and ignored, every day for the rest of our lives until the planet finally implodes and we don't have to worry about being customers anymore."

"But there are common threads that run throughout the industry. No matter what product you're selling or where you happen to live, there is one aspect of retail that is the same the world over: assholes. And it's not just the customers and passersby. It's everybody. It's co-workers, bosses, parcel carriers, garbage collectors, janitors, and every other group you can think of. The only difference between a customer who is an asshole and just your regular asshole off the street is this: You dont have to be nice to a regular asshole"

"Its been my experience that people don't have the slightest idea what they want, and will stop at nothing to get it."

"The bookstore I work at has been my laboratory for analyzing, diagnosing, and treating assholes of all shapes and sizes. I'm an asshole specialist. I ask you, where the fuck is my PhD?...I hate working and want to change the world as best I can while I'm alive, but I'm just not sure how to make those changes. It's all wrong, jobs are a stupid idea for a planet, for living, for being human."



These quotes sum up "The Customer is Always Wrong", a collection of short essays centered around the theme of working in the service industries. Less obvious is the theme of all of this being an inescapable aspect of being human. One way or another you will always be on one side of the cash register or the other and the retail/ customer service/sales/restaurant/consumer setting is really ancillary to the fact that bad behavior is as inherent to our nature as good. If anything I take away from reading this that perhaps we expect so much of each other--possibly without being conscious of it--that when we "fall short" (and there are many examples of customers and employees being assholes falling short)it is more jarring and therefore more likely to make an impression. How else to explain the fact that a book about the millions of other consumers who aren't (borderline) sociopaths and their uneventful transactions and pleasant interactions would never make it past any publishers desk? We expect people to have their shit together and when we don't as a whole, the planet may as well implode because we will no longer be entirely human. So I give the book and the editor praise for illustrating that; I take points off though for such vivid descriptions of the retail life and reminding me how much I hated it.
And also because only Colson Whitehead and possibly, Jim DeRogatis qualify as notable writers and contributors to this book. As far as writing articulate depictions of the service industry life, adding a contributor(s) like Barbara Ehrenreich to the collection would have been nice.

"My humanity is caught up, is inextricably bound up, in yours." We belong in a bundle of life. We say, 'A person is a person through other persons.'"
-Archbishop Desmond Tutu

[Justin · Rating 1 out of 5]

Multiple-author anthologies that center around a clever theme tend to be a chore to read, and The Customer is Always Wrong, a collection of true-life essays about retail, is a particularly lackluster addition to the genre.

I'm not sure why the majority of these kind of collections (at least that I have read) suck, though I have a few theories. One is that many seem to be edited by someone who's not an editor by trade. This one for instance is edited by Jeff Martin, a dude whose only qualifications to put together an entire book, according to his bio, is that he "writes about books for several publications" and is a retail employee himself. So... what qualifies him to edit a book again? Though the writer gets credit on a book's cover, editors generally are extremely important to the quality of a piece of writing, A good editor understands when something sucks and when it doesn't, and when something should be, well, "edited," and when it shouldn't. But perhaps most importantly, a good editor is good at being clear and direct with a writer and not being afraid to tell them they need to change something. When someone isn't able to do that, it's amazing how much crap can slip through the cracks.

Another theory, which may and probably does operate in addition to the one listed above, is that I don't think writers get paid much for the pieces they are commissioned to write for these things. Which means that successful, "name authors" aren't gonna be interested, while the lesser writers that ARE interested are gonna realize pretty quick it's not worth their time to do a good job and so don't try very hard. Bad writers writing badly is a bad equation. I mean, some of the essays in The Customer are baffling in their sloppiness, as if there wasn't even a proofreader in publisher Soft Skull's office to check for grammatical mistakes, to say nothing of the quality of the prose itself.

Somehow Martin and Co. roped in Colson Whitehead to write one of these things, but besides him (and Neal Pollack, who delivers one of the most uninspired introductions in recent memory) I've never heard of any of the contributors. Many of them are comedians, a group not particularly renowned for their writing abilities, and some appear to be nothing more than bloggers. Not that blogging is bad in and of itself, but it's not a ringing endorsement considering it's a world consisting almost entirely of self-publication.

Anyway I could go on and on. A friend gave me this, so I read it. But I wish I had those two hours back to read something different. Stay away from cleverly themed group anthologies, and for the love of god stay far, far away from this one.

[Megan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think the best thing about working in retail, or a place that is sort of like retail and attracts the same kind of people (i.e. the library, which is where I work) is the crazy stories you accumulate. You end your shift with stories of drunk people, idiots, jerks and thieves, and if you are lucky you can spin a really long yarn about some crazy character you keep encountering.

Unfortunately this book doesn't really live up to all of the potential that retail stories have. I read almost every article in here except for the ones where the author started off insulting customer service employees in the first page (I think there were two or three like that, which really, what is the point?). Most of them really seemed like just vaguely-remembered anecdotes about the brief time the author spent working in retail before getting published, or stories that were really not all that extreme, or well-written.

There is so much gold out there in retail. So many crazy characters, entitled people, and just plain confused people that make for good stories. This book is crying out for some of that really good stuff that ends up on notalwaysright.com, not an entire article about how scooping ice cream for a summer will make you so sick of ice cream it damages you socially for the rest of your life... bah.

[Shanna · Rating 2 out of 5]

I guess it’s on me for getting super excited about a book whose title promised tales of woe and humor involving working in the hellish environment of retail. This book was sitting on my shelf unread for several years and I brought it along on a work trip looking forward to something light but funny that would remind me to be grateful that this part of my life was behind me.

Other reviews have mentioned this but I didn’t think it was possible to mess up a book about the horrors of retail-surely everyone has a horror story or two, even people who have moved on to be “successful” writers-but I barely cracked a smile let alone laughed at any of these stories, most of which could be summed up as “slice of life”, a genre that did not seem to fit in with a title that promised funny stories about shitty customers.

There were two stories that stood out however. The woman who wrote about selling knives in college did a good job of writing about the absurdity of that time in her life with enough humor to make me remember my own almost-job with this same organization. And the story “Klaus” was weird enough and written in a different style, an almost haunting unreliable narrator style that made me impressed and upset that it was nestled in amongst these sub-par stories about plumbing and friends you meet at a liquor store...

[Kelsie Lambert · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book sounded so fun.. I have been in customer service my entire life and I have some serious horror stories and hillarious stories, so I was pumped finding this book.
However.... this was so boring and dull. The stories weren't even interesting or exciting.. I just don't know how this book was created with the least interesting people on the planet, when I guarantee that everyone who reads this has better stories lol 🤦‍♀️

[Nathan · Rating 1 out of 5]

A bunch of short stories, most of which aren't very good. I did really enjoy a few of them, but most of the time I just felt like "what's the point?". The stories often felt like school writing assignments: like the author was trying to hit some preassigned word count, on a preassigned topic they weren't very interested in, and wasn't very worried about the story having a much of a point or an arc.

This customer says: don't read this one!

[Darius Ostrowski · Rating 2 out of 5]

Excellent premise that was very poorly executed.

[Terry Filkohazi · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some employees just sounded like they were whiny babies.

[Mrsculpepper · Rating 3 out of 5]

accurate.

[Egvuwgyye]

its an amazing book, and a great sense of humor. 10/10!

[Amber Ray · Rating 1 out of 5]

Lacking humor, interest and focus. The stories are somewhat surreal and always disappointing. Bleah.

[Sara Goldenberg · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was sweet and I liked it. I just wish it were longer !!!

[Marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I felt that some of the stories had not much connection with the title nor the subject matter. most had relatable experiences of bad customers or management but a few were to positive or more of a form of customer related experiences. my favorite quote in the book from james wagner sums up the experience of retail perfectly. "reverse parenting really explains the consequences of a policy like "the customer is always right." it is well known to the public, and it is used daily. It rewards people who raise enough of a ruckus about something, no matter how asinine they are, who ask for extra favors, who expect extra favors, at almost every turn. When they don't get their way, they resort to babylike behavior, throwing fits. And then the company congratulates the fit-throwing by doing anything in its power to calm the infant/customer down, until they are satisfied. The adult customer, like infant baby, soon learns that if he or she cries enough, he or she will get what he or she wants. And the specific demands grow more ridiculous."

[Sarah G · Rating 2 out of 5]

Colson Whitehead's essay is great

[Meg · Rating 3 out of 5]

Remember in the movie Clerks how there's about one minute of Dante and Randall describing the stupid and strange customers they see? I always liked that scene in the movie and thought it was too short. I worked in retail throughout high school, so I encountered my fair share of weird and annoying customers, but it seems like everyone in retail has one or two great stories of particularly outrageous customers.

So I'm thinking: if everyone has one or two great stories, and this book is filled with short stories by a number of different people, then it must be chock full of great stories, right? Not really.

Much like the movie Clerks, more of the stories talk about the lives of the people working behind the counter less than run-ins with unusual characters. This is understandable, since it's easier for people to write about what they're feeling or co-workers they spent many days with than to describe specific moments in crisp detail. Also like Clerks, there are a few moments of great descriptions of customer run-ins. I recommend "Other Things in Mind" and "Tulip Thief." They hit the spot.

On the whole, though, the collection wasn't quite what I wanted. Not bad, but not outstanding either. Alas.

[Powells.com · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a delightful collection of true-life tales! Jeff Martin has gathered together writers and humorists of all stripes to offer a gold mine of cringe-inducing stories about life in the retail world. What writer hasn't spent a few years behind the counter of the local mall, bookstore, or record store? From the absurd to the poignant, The Customer Is Always Wrong will show you retail from the inside.

Recommended by Beth, Powells.com

http://www.powells.com/biblio?isbn=19...

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[Stella Fowler · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was, in fact, a cathartic read for those of us in the customer service industry. The only thing I found frustrating is that I wanted to write my own stories and have them included (like delivering pizza to a hotel room where an obviously naked man was laying in bed yelling at me to place the pizza on the table). I didn't like all of the stories, but that's what usually happens when you read a variety of writers. And I could empathize with more than a few of them about their experiences. All in all, if you're in any type of customer service job, this is probably going to make you feel a lot better.

[Kelly · Rating 1 out of 5]

The writers who contributed to The Customer is Always Wrong: The Retail Chronicles must hate Jeff Martin. I thought this book would be hilarious. I've worked a retail job and I have great stories--involving drag queens, a crazy naked lady and the time a cop called the police on me. Only about three of the stories in the whole book are remotely interesting, the best of which was probably the guy who worked in the sex shop, although it was seriously messed up. I'm glad I got this from the library and didn't spend money on it.

[Stephanie Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who worked in retail for over 5 years and has just recently returned for the Holidays, I could completely relate to this collection of essays. Not only was it hilarious, but true. My particular favorite was "Sixteen Retail Rules". I could swear to God Cathy Lazarus probably worked in the same store as I did. I want to give this book to everyone I know as a Christmas present and force them to think about what sort of customer they are and how under appreciated and mistreated sales associates are.

[Butterflycager · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was interesting, but rather uneven. I enjoyed some of these essays, but wondered why some of the others were in here at all. I did like that the book wasn't just one big long rant against stupid or rude customers, and that there were so many different types of retail experiences included here. My favorite essays were "Sears, Sbarro's, Sayonara" by Wade Rouse, "Another Day at the Video Store" by Kevin Smokler, "The Bad Call" by Clay Allen, and "Un Posto Speciale" by Jim De Rogatis. I found the last one particularly moving, and the information about drum kits was a nice bonus.

[Georgette · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a great little collection this is. All sorts of prominent authors and entertainment luminaries gather here to tell about their own awkward experiences in the Land of Nod(Aka Retail). Anyone who currently works in retail(myself) or has worked in retail(many others) will appreciate these tales. You have bookstore, liquor store, electronics store, and even a sex shop stories covered here. You gather appreciation for what they went through, while laughing your way through all the stories. A quick, light, read that will have you re-thinking the joys(sarcasm here) of retail.

[Allison · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was a collection of short stories written by people who have worked various retail positions. I felt I could relate to many of the stories having worked with the public for so many years. Some of the stories resonated and actually made me cringe. Others did nothing for me - either they weren't very engrossing or I just didn't appreciate the writing. Now if I could just get my librarian friends to get together with me and write one about all of our patron stories...

[Wealhtheow · Rating 1 out of 5]

There's no point in reading this. Not a single story is as entertaining as anything you'd find on customers_suck. The writing itself is at best trying-too-hard and at worst pretentious. Each and every one of the authors comes across as a precious would-be David Sedaris.
In fifty pages, I didn't even crack a smile.

[Rory · Rating 2 out of 5]

This reminded me of the sort of "collection" that my college boyfriend used to submit to and get published in. Pretty scattered, amateurish, and not as amusing as its hoping to be. The tone had a bit of a bloggish feel to it, too; not that I don't lurve me some blogs...but they're better on a screen, and in short bursts.

[Kathleen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found the title to this book fascinating, and although I'd not heard of any of the contributors, I was dying to read it. The contributions were OK, some better than others. The stories read like the authors first attempts in high school to get a handle on difficult situations in their first jobs. A huge breadth of situations saved the book. The contributions were short, sometimes 2-3 pages.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ahhh, the memories. This book IS life in retail/customer service. If you ever lived it, you would understand. Some of the stories I could so relate to that I was laughing out loud. Others were a bit romantacized--from the author's perspective - you could tell this was their "good old days." For the most part, I liked it.

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short collection of essays dealing with all areas and spectrums of retail. As someone who has worked in record stores, pizza joints and bars pretty exclusively for the last 10 years, I found a lot to relate too. There were some skim-able chapters, but for the most part, I laughed and cringed and felt inspired to write my own story.

[William · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some 21 short essays by different authors who loosely write on their interesting (often bad) experiences in retail sales. The quality varies widely, as can be expected, and most essays are not that memorable. A few jewels exist, however, and one can find a few excellent passages here and there. Anyone who has ever had a job in retail can appreciate this collection and perhaps add to it.

[Diana · Rating 3 out of 5]

A collection of stories from writers about their time in retail.

This was a mixed bag for me. There were some really good stories, but then quite a few that didn't really hold that much interest for me. Additionally, I was expecting more of the 'bad customer' type of stories, as the title suggests, but some of the stories were just ramblings about a job.