Keep Sweet: Children of Polygamy

by Debbie Palmer, Dave Perrin

Keep Sweet: Children of Polygamy, journals Deb Palmer's experiences growing up as a child in a community where plural marriages and religious dogma were the norm.

Debbie was married to three different men - the first time at the age of fifteen - during her thirty-three years with the group of Mormon Fundamentalists in the community of Bountiful near Creston, BC. She was subjected to emotional, physical and sexual abuse. It was when she saw this cycle repeating itself in her children's lives that she fled Bountiful.

Genres: Nonfiction, Religion, Polygamy, Cults, Memoir, Canada, Cult Classics

393 pages, Paperback

First published December 14, 2004

About the author

Debbie Palmer is Associate Lecturer in Medical History at the Centre for Medical History, University of Exeter

Reviews

[Petra X · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is so horrible I dnf'd it but it is still worthy of 4 stars. There was a scene where the little girl, the author, is held down by "nurses", much older girls, for the "doctor" a teenage boy, to thrust a stick covered into cow grease into her vagina. She was told it was the Work, a religious act and that she had to suffer like Christ on the cross and she should thank him. She bled for days.

I couldn't read any more.

Earlier in the book there had been one passage that really rang true in three ways. Firstly, as both a justification for the sin of forced polygamy (it is forced if you are brainwashed and these women talk constantly about being goddesses on their own Earths to rule like God with their own husband-gods).

Secondly, the cynical expedience of religion and the elders (of any religion) when it comes to political matters that will benefit their organisation. And lastly, how religion really is the opiate of the masses as concocted and administered by the "priests", "prophets" or whatever they are called, in every religion where those at the top do not live the same lives as those they make the rules for and make sure that they will end up having as close to "heaven on earth" with all it's riches as they can possibly manage.

The passage was,
"Although he [Uncle Isaac] was not interested in having more than one wife, he claimed he couldn't denounce his son and nephew because the church still taught the principle of the plurality of wives in the temple ceremonies, and Joseph Smith's revelation had never been repudiated. He maintained that the manifesto given by Wilford Woodruff in 1890 to condemn the practice of polygamy in order to pacify the government of the United States was not a revelation and did not contravene the serious commandment God gave to Joseph Smith to preserve plural marriage."

The same Uncle Isaac also talked about
"the Lord needing a "white and delightsome people to be worthy of the highest degree of the celestial kingdom to be gods and goddesses on their own earths."

She is 13 and dancing with her uncle who is 53 and he whispers to her as he holds her close, ""Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies" (from the Song of Solomon). A religion for men, controlled by men, adapted whenever necessary by men, and forced onto women from birth. At least The Stepford Wives was fiction and worthy of discussion, this is pedophilia hiding from the law under the guise of religion. And allowed to continue in part because there is no one to complain.

It is a vile book to read. It isn't enlightening. I'm very sorry for the author who sufferered 32 years of it but saw the light and escaped into the real world (with all it's myths, superstitions and ways of keeping women down, still). I'm much more sorry for her mothers, aunts, granddaughters (she had grandchildren at 15 because of plural marriage her husband having them by other wives) and all the other women who had never been allowed to have a single thought in their head that wasn't put their by the men who kept them as domestic slaves, breeders and sex objects for the use of.

Puts me in mind of ISIS, but this is America and it couldn't be allowed to flourish here could it?

[Tina Ihas · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was pretty heavy. I would have given it 5 stars but I do not feel like I got the end of the story. I actually know someone who knows the author and I know that she is doing well now and is out of this life style. Perhaps she needs to write a sequal telling the reader how she escaped polygamy and rebuilt her lift.

[kingshearte · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book tells the story of Debbie Palmer's first 18 years, which she spent inside the polygamist group in what is now Bountiful, BC.

It's hard to really know what to say about this book. Mostly, it just remains mind-boggling to me that people can believe stuff like this, and think it's a good idea, and healthy for their kids, etc.

Don't get me wrong. Polygamy/polyamory as a concept doesn't really bother me. If, as a consenting adult, one chooses to commit to multiple people, I don't have a problem with it. And from a biological standpoint, polygamy as practiced in these religious societies does make sense. For the same reason that you keep a stable full of brood mares and only one stud horse, having one husband for several wives (including those significantly younger than him) does make sense, assuming you subscribe the the theory that the idea is to produce as many offspring as possible. Furthermore, unlike, say Catholic women, who are also generally expected to produce as many children as nature provides, plural wives at least (in theory) get to have these other women to help rear their children (and take care of the household). And hey, if you have a headache one night, someone else can do the honours.

However, for me, the acceptability of all this is predicated on all involved parties being in a position to offer informed consent to this arrangement, and that's not the case in this kind of situation. For one thing, the ages are a problem. While I do think that North American society babies its teens to an excessive degree, that doesn't mean we should all be fully responsible for babies, households and husbands as soon as we're biologically able to produce children. Nor do I think that people who have been raised to absolute submission to the will of the men around them can be said to be in a position to offer proper informed consent.

Yes, there is cultural bias at work here. While I might say that these people have been indoctrinated to believe these things, they might suggest that I've been raised and indoctrinated to believe other things. And they're not wrong. Maybe they're right, and this lifestyle is the key to eternal salvation and the one to which I subscribe will lead to eternal damnation. But as neither of us will know for certain until we die (assuming we know anything at all beyond that point), all I can really go on is that cultural bias with which I've been raised, and it says that self-determination is a healthier way to live than to exist entirely under someone else's control.

So there's that. And I have many other thoughts (Of course you have nothing to talk about with your husband. He's old enough to be your grandfather, and much as I love my grandfather, I've never really had any really in-depth conversations with him. We live in different worlds, and don't have vast amounts of things in common. Or, in addition to the considerable data showing that abstinence education increases pregnancy and STIs, this book seems like anecdotal evidence at least that no sexual education whatsoever provides an excellent environment for your kids to be sexually abused and not even really know it. Or that I can't even imagine trying to function in the dynamics of a group of wives who should theoretically be more or less equal, but who range so hugely in age that there's going to be a clear pecking order — and that's not even counting the kids. How do you exert authority over a "daughter" who's old enough to be your mother?), the one that comes back to me so often when dealing with religious (specifically Christian) groups is that so few of them seem to really have any understanding of what they've espoused. I simply do not understand how anyone can read the Bible, read about Jesus, claim to be any sort of follower of his, and continue to treat other people the way they do. And at the end of the day, that's really what struck me most about this group of people. The absolute male authority and dominance is one thing, but the appalling way the women treat each other is, well, appalling. But don't think of complaining, because if you could just follow the prophets and have enough faith, you wouldn't have these problems. It's awful. Even more awful when it's children who are the targets of the terrible treatment. Admittedly, this is only one side of the story, and Jan might have a different perspective, but it's hard to imagine any actual justification for not only hitting a kid, but punching her in the head repeatedly until she's curled up in a ball on the ground, and then kicking her repeatedly. With the possible exception of an actual demon child, there is no justification for that, ever. And there is even less justification for trying to convince the kid that she's the one who's really responsible for this. I just can't even.

So yeah. I would be interested in reading about how she actually managed to get out with all her kids, but other women have told their versions of that story. Palmer chose to focus on this lifestyle's effects on children, and that is a fascinating perspective. I am truly sorry that she and others have had to go through this, and I would like to believe that not all polygamist groups are like this, but I know that enough of them are that this will certainly continue to be a problem for some time. I'm glad for her and for everyone else who has managed to extricate themselves, and I wish them all the best in the rest of their lives.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an in-depth biography of Debbie Palmer's life in the FLDS from age 4 to age 16. It confirms and exemplifies many of the things brought to light in other books by people who escaped the FLDS, but focuses on the effect this group has on children. As always, it's shocking and cruel what a few people can convince a group to believe, even at the expense of their own well-being and that of their children.

The brief biography on the last page says that Debbie Palmer left the FLDS when she was 32. I wish the story would continue so we could see what finally caused her to make such a difficult decision. It would also have been interesting to know what steps she had to go through to escape the group, as other escapees have reported incredible actions required to actually sever their ties with the FLDS.

[Sharon Gallup · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read this book a few times and every time i read it (this is my family) i remember my sweet cousin JoAnn who was Debbie's mother. life was hard and i hear so many people make statements that this book isn't true. Well believe me folks this book is true. It is written by my cousin and it is a history of how her life was lived in polygamy when her sweet mother died and was unable to protect her and how at such a young age she was placed with a man that was old enough to be her grandfather. I was there with my aunt and uncle many times before her mother had died. . We had gone to the colony for a conference when prophet Johnson was there when the tree house incident happened. This book stopped short of the ending of her life and i wish she would have written part two.

[MJ · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is Debbie Palmer's experiences growing up in the FLDS religion from the age of 4 to 18. Debbie was the first woman to escape the religion with all 8 of her children. She now speaks at conferences all over to help educate others on the horrors she lived.

When she was 4 her parents devote members of the LDS faith moved to Canada to join the FLDS faith. Her father soon took a second wife (the daughter of the man she would later marry) Starting at age 4 she was sexually assaulted by the other children that also lived in the community. Because of all the secret ceremonies that the adults participated in she was not aware that what happened was wrong. After the death of her mother, her fathers 2nd wife began to beat Deb when ever she was disappointed in anything. And at age 16 she married a 55 year old man who already had 5 other wives. At 18 she is a widowed and an outcast in the group.

This book is a powerful story of all that is wrong in polygamous groups.
This book is a powerful story of all that is wrong in pologamous groups.

[Kayla · Rating 2 out of 5]

Pretty horrifying to read about what is happening to innocent children right under everyone's nose in my own country. It's amazing to read about how you can be so brainwashed and still escape eventually. I could have done with a lot less of the sermons and flower descriptions. The book ends weirdly. I would have liked to read about what was the straw that broke the camel's back to get her to leave and how she managed to get all her children out.

[Gina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This feels like "part 1" of Debbie's story (because she eventually escapes, but not in this book). Growing up in Canadian FLDS, victim of sexual and horrible beatings, constantly gaslit by everyone, married and pregnant at 15, treated like crap by her new family. It's hard to read about so much misery; this community is/was absolutely toxic.

[Anxious Book Lady · Rating 5 out of 5]

The 10th first-hand account of FLDS polygamy I've read. This one was particularly heartbreaking for me, and though I really, really enjoyed the book, I felt it seemed cut short. I want to know the rest of Deb's story--how did she escape, who did the prophet marry her to next? Where is she now? I've scoured the internet for a sequel to no avail, so I am assuming she's never written one. I'm sure the first was a work of blood, sweat, and tears as she wrote about such an extreme and painful life. Maybe someday we'll get to enjoy the rest of her story. Definitely recommend if you are interested in reading about polygamy--specifically in the FLDS church.

[Deborah Watring-Ellis · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting topic. I gained some insights that I had not expected about the religion and motives behind this cult. It is based on the woman's true experience and that makes it even more intriguing. However, the writing is not outstanding.

[Kathy Mcatee · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the book once I got past the first few chapters. (A bit redundant) It was an eyeopener to say the least. I would have rated it higher but was disappointed by the ending. Perhaps I just wanted to hear more about her life, a sequel would be great.

[Debbie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This told an interesting insight into the polygamy religion and it was heart breaking to read at points. I am so glad that she was able to finally leave. But it is something she will carry with her the rest of her life.

[Christi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Currently reading this book as research for work. Its a slow read, but informative.

[Gail · Rating 5 out of 5]

An insightful expose', this book should be read by all to understand the control and power polygamist have over their followers, each of them children raised under the heavy hand of pedophilia.

[Areej · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was really informative and eye opening, although the writing wasn't all that captivating. Also the ending I didn't really get. Good read though.

[Worm · Rating 3 out of 5]

3/5 Stars

The memoir is harrowing, the stories that Debbie tells are horrifying and I had to stop several times to calm down. She was the first mother to leave the fundamentalist church of latter day saints with all of her children. This book details her early life in the cult, from the age of 4 to 18. She left the cult in 1988 at the age of 32. She passed away in 2020 at the age of 64 and I hope she is at peace now.

The reason for the three stars is that it feels unfinished, it felt quite clinical in it's recount which is understandable given the horrible things that were going on but I would've liked just a bit more. It didn't read like someone who wanted to leave, she was still committed to the cause despite the horrific things she was going through which made it even harder to read.

[Olivia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Even though I’m giving this book two stars, I’m still glad I read it. It was an insight into the lives of BC polygamists through the 60s and 70s, which was very interesting - if not harrowing - to read about. My issue with this book lies in its repetitiveness and the unsatisfying ending. It’s worth a read if you’re interested in learning more about the beginnings of Bountiful, BC, but don’t expect a beautiful, heartwarming read with closure. It reads more like scattered diary entries that have been poorly proofread.

[Susan · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is filled with daily minutae of the author's life growing up with the Canadian branch of the polygamous FLDS cult, as well as the intense traumas and abuses that upbringing entailed. The information in the book is valuable from an academic standpoint as a first hand narrative, but the book itself, at nearly 400 pages, was a slog to get through, so detailed and unedited that even a cult-nerd like me got bored and put the book down over and over again over the course of over a year that its been on my bedside shelf. But I finally finished it. Can't say I liked it. Two stars.

[Jenn Jellema · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is challenging to read due to the levels of abuse suffered by the author. What is missing is the thread of storytelling and it feels like reading through a list of awful events. The book also ends very abruptly. While the “About the Authors” pages do reveal that she left the colony later, it feels like that should have been included in a post-script within the book itself. It feels like her coauthor missed the boat.

[Trudy Roy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Story of a girl growing up in Bountiful in the closed polygamist society. Not knowing anything different she wanted to marry the 57 year old bishop. Abuse. Neglect. Poverty. All part of her story. For me it ended too soon. She actually got out with all her children in tow. When? How? Definitely demands a sequel.

[Shelly May · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a hard read. So much trauma for one girl to endure. So much sickening and dangerous teaching. Eye opening and interesting, but I’m not gonna lie, some of it was hard to stomach especially knowing it really happened.

[Christy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely a hard read with all of the incest and child/sexual abuse taking.place over so many years.

It started as a slow read, but picked up when telling the story of her teenage years. I had hoped it would lead to the telling of her departure from the group, but that bit has been left out.

[Marnie Z · Rating 2 out of 5]

Didn't finish.. I didn't like the writing style as well I recently read Prophet's Prey about Warren Jeffs so I think I've just had enough of these FLDS stories...

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

I just wish the story would have followed through to her leaving Bountiful.

[Donna Y · Rating 3 out of 5]

The influence and tolerance within man made religions is disgusting at best;built within this book is true witness to those left destroyed.

[Mishon]

I might come back to this one. It was just so slow and with so many characters it was hard to keep everyone straight

[Jan Tisdale · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read book a long time ago, all I had written was it was excellent.