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Ritzy: A Dark Satire
For fans of American
John Raptor (author of the controversial and provocative Hell High and Trigger Warning) RITZY.
Contains Strong Violence, Sexual Content, Language, and Drug Use.
Girls.
Money.
Fame.
Insane.
Tom beautiful, talented, and the most highly paid actor in Hollywood. But the line between fantasy and reality blurs as he slowly loses his mind on the set of his newest film. Tom Rex has been in six feature films this year. Six! He could get away with murder right now.
Interview with Tom Rex on Charlie Rose
Bonus short
REDRUM
Hollywood and politics collide on a cruise ship off the coast of the Golden State. Who could imagine movie and TV stars as senators and presidents? Well, one man plans to put an end to it all with a suitcase nuke.
Perfect Disease
The filthy rich live in luxury in the hills of California—but their perfect lives are about to become tainted when biological weapons are released on their white, conformist mansions.
---
Celebrities (gods and goddesses) sit on long white leather couches and chaise lounges, snorting coke off glass tables through rolled-up Benjamins.
Guest list (not necessarily participating in coke-snorting activities): Ewan McGregor, the cast of Glee, Snooki and JWow, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, Donald Trump, Bret Easton Ellis, Eli Roth, Marilyn Manson, Billy Bob Thornton, Halle Barry (or is that Michelle Obama?), Jimmy Fallon, Kevin Smith, Ben Affleck, character actress Margo Martindale, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Stephen Colbert, Samuel L. Jackson, Tyler Perry, Will Arnett, Amy Poehler, Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Mindy Kaling, Tina Fey, B.J. Novak, Will Ferrel, Steve Carell, Marky Mark, David Duchovny, Michael C. Hall, David Boreanaz, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Aaron Paul, Jessie Eisenberg, Nicholas Cage, Charlie Sheen, Sylvester Stallone, Bryan Cranston, Amy Schumer, Edward Norton, Johnny Depp, Quentin Tarantino, Jack Nicholson, etc. etc. etc.
I join Bret Easton Ellis in a booth and we snort coke. He tells me what he really wanted to do was be a musician, not a writer. Starts bawling.
I excuse myself and go to the bar to order a Heineken.
That’s when my publicist, Harry Truman—at least, that’s what I call him, because he’s a spitting image of the 33rd President—approaches me, eyes bloodshot, drinking wine from a flute. Not a glass, the actual instrument. Odd.
“Hi, Harr—”
“You’re apologizing on the Ellen Show tomorrow for that thing you tweeted.”
“Which thing?”
“You know, that one thing about blacks or Jews or trannies. That thing.”
“I don’t remember that.”
“Just,” he sighs, exasperated, “say you’re sorry.”
“Okay,” I say. “I’m sorry.”
“Not to me, on the show. I don’t give a shit.”
“Sorry,” I say.
“Jesus Christ, quit saying that to me. Sorry sorry sorry.”
“I grew up in the Midwest.”
“Ugh. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I say.
“Oh, and by the way, did you know there are pictures circulating on the net of you sucking a dick?”
“So? So what?”
“So most your friends in the Midwest are raging homophobes! You can’t have that kinda publicity.”
“I thought all publicity was good publicity.”
“Oh baby, oh baby! Kill hookers. Beat up bouncers and paparazzi. But, just, don’t look like such a goddam faggot. I mean, I love cock as much as the next guy, but honey, most Americans don’t like the cock. Not like you and me, baby. Keep that shit private.”
“Sorry. It was a onetime thing. When Ryan Gosling offers you his dick, you don’t say no, no matter how straight you are.”
“That was Ryan Gosling’s penis in your mouth?! Oh Jesus, baby, I’m so jealous.”
“I’m just fucking with you. I don’t remember whose it was. I was pretty coked up that night.”
“Tease!” Harry Truman wanders off into the crowd, snorts more coke in a booth.
John Raptor (author of the controversial and provocative Hell High and Trigger Warning) RITZY.
Contains Strong Violence, Sexual Content, Language, and Drug Use.
Girls.
Money.
Fame.
Insane.
Tom beautiful, talented, and the most highly paid actor in Hollywood. But the line between fantasy and reality blurs as he slowly loses his mind on the set of his newest film. Tom Rex has been in six feature films this year. Six! He could get away with murder right now.
Interview with Tom Rex on Charlie Rose
Bonus short
REDRUM
Hollywood and politics collide on a cruise ship off the coast of the Golden State. Who could imagine movie and TV stars as senators and presidents? Well, one man plans to put an end to it all with a suitcase nuke.
Perfect Disease
The filthy rich live in luxury in the hills of California—but their perfect lives are about to become tainted when biological weapons are released on their white, conformist mansions.
---
Celebrities (gods and goddesses) sit on long white leather couches and chaise lounges, snorting coke off glass tables through rolled-up Benjamins.
Guest list (not necessarily participating in coke-snorting activities): Ewan McGregor, the cast of Glee, Snooki and JWow, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, Donald Trump, Bret Easton Ellis, Eli Roth, Marilyn Manson, Billy Bob Thornton, Halle Barry (or is that Michelle Obama?), Jimmy Fallon, Kevin Smith, Ben Affleck, character actress Margo Martindale, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Stephen Colbert, Samuel L. Jackson, Tyler Perry, Will Arnett, Amy Poehler, Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Mindy Kaling, Tina Fey, B.J. Novak, Will Ferrel, Steve Carell, Marky Mark, David Duchovny, Michael C. Hall, David Boreanaz, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Aaron Paul, Jessie Eisenberg, Nicholas Cage, Charlie Sheen, Sylvester Stallone, Bryan Cranston, Amy Schumer, Edward Norton, Johnny Depp, Quentin Tarantino, Jack Nicholson, etc. etc. etc.
I join Bret Easton Ellis in a booth and we snort coke. He tells me what he really wanted to do was be a musician, not a writer. Starts bawling.
I excuse myself and go to the bar to order a Heineken.
That’s when my publicist, Harry Truman—at least, that’s what I call him, because he’s a spitting image of the 33rd President—approaches me, eyes bloodshot, drinking wine from a flute. Not a glass, the actual instrument. Odd.
“Hi, Harr—”
“You’re apologizing on the Ellen Show tomorrow for that thing you tweeted.”
“Which thing?”
“You know, that one thing about blacks or Jews or trannies. That thing.”
“I don’t remember that.”
“Just,” he sighs, exasperated, “say you’re sorry.”
“Okay,” I say. “I’m sorry.”
“Not to me, on the show. I don’t give a shit.”
“Sorry,” I say.
“Jesus Christ, quit saying that to me. Sorry sorry sorry.”
“I grew up in the Midwest.”
“Ugh. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I say.
“Oh, and by the way, did you know there are pictures circulating on the net of you sucking a dick?”
“So? So what?”
“So most your friends in the Midwest are raging homophobes! You can’t have that kinda publicity.”
“I thought all publicity was good publicity.”
“Oh baby, oh baby! Kill hookers. Beat up bouncers and paparazzi. But, just, don’t look like such a goddam faggot. I mean, I love cock as much as the next guy, but honey, most Americans don’t like the cock. Not like you and me, baby. Keep that shit private.”
“Sorry. It was a onetime thing. When Ryan Gosling offers you his dick, you don’t say no, no matter how straight you are.”
“That was Ryan Gosling’s penis in your mouth?! Oh Jesus, baby, I’m so jealous.”
“I’m just fucking with you. I don’t remember whose it was. I was pretty coked up that night.”
“Tease!” Harry Truman wanders off into the crowd, snorts more coke in a booth.
158 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 4, 2016
About the author
John Raptor
19 books77 followersJohn Raptor was born in Kagoshima, Japan, and grew up in Fargo, North Dakota.
He currently lives in Kokura, Japan as a writer and an English teacher.
He currently lives in Kokura, Japan as a writer and an English teacher.
Ratings & Reviews
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
September 5, 2018
Ritzy
WOW! I just finished this book and don't know what to say.. In a way I absolutely loved the no holds barred,anything goes attitude. I was absolutely fine with me blood and Gore parts and the psychological aspect, not so much a fan of the tape scenes but they had to be in it to develop the depravity of the characters so I could deal,and the author actually treated ALL sex the same so you can't day he hates one gender over another this is just pure twisted INSANITY! And I truly can't out any of John Raptor's books down,at least I haven't yet!
WOW! I just finished this book and don't know what to say.. In a way I absolutely loved the no holds barred,anything goes attitude. I was absolutely fine with me blood and Gore parts and the psychological aspect, not so much a fan of the tape scenes but they had to be in it to develop the depravity of the characters so I could deal,and the author actually treated ALL sex the same so you can't day he hates one gender over another this is just pure twisted INSANITY! And I truly can't out any of John Raptor's books down,at least I haven't yet!
December 13, 2016
Unusual, ultra-violent book
This book was a mix between American Psycho and I don't know what else. It had some fourth wall breaking and a lot of confusion between realities.
I think it would make a great movie.
This book was a mix between American Psycho and I don't know what else. It had some fourth wall breaking and a lot of confusion between realities.
I think it would make a great movie.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews