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Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others
Finally the Code has been Cracked. Discover What it Really takes to Catch a Husband! You're about to find not guesswork but hard facts based on the same kind of scientific research that pollsters use to predict consumer behavior with pinpoint accuracy. John T. Molloy and his staff polled over 2,500 women and their fiances and over 1,000 single people who answered a host of detailed, often intimate questions. The information proved so powerful that half the single women working on this book got married within three years! Now you, too, can learn: How to increase your chances of marrying by up to sixty percent * The ten warning signals that a man is never going to marry * How to make a man want to marry you and how to trigger a proposal * The advantages-and dangers-of dating divorced or widowed men * What you absolutely must wear when you meet your boyfriend's parents, and much more.
243 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2003
38 people are currently reading
387 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews
September 20, 2012
The way I found this book is rather amusing: I became annoyed at one of the one star reviews on Amazon.com. As such, I wanted to read the book for myself. The result? I feel that I've read some cold hard facts that helped create minor adjustments within my dating plan. Why? This book is about statistics and facts.
If you want to complain about the 600+ people interviewed for this book, then by all means, do your own research project. If you want to proudly state that you won't "change yourself for a man", believe that kismet will select your mate or that this book is all full of opinions that counter to your own because ______ - well, good for you. That is your truth and you are living your life accordingly. However, for those of us that want to get married and want to do it in the most strategic, well planned way possible (to a man that is the best fit for us) this book is for us.
Sometimes, it's hard to realize that you aren't perfect. The older I get, the more socially shy I've become in bars and other common social scene experiences. If I'm not running an event or one of the leaders of a group, I pretty much become introverted and would rather read a book. This will not help me find a suitable partner. In reading this book, I've comes to terms with this fact - and more - that I've been in denial about. Kismet is a nice idea - but the Universe helps people that help themselves.
In summary, like every other book based on dating and mating, it will have general facts and personality modification suggestions that you can either follow or not follow. But, if you're out of college and single, face the facts that dating now turns into strategic planning and facts. Personally, I greatly valued reading this book.
If you want to complain about the 600+ people interviewed for this book, then by all means, do your own research project. If you want to proudly state that you won't "change yourself for a man", believe that kismet will select your mate or that this book is all full of opinions that counter to your own because ______ - well, good for you. That is your truth and you are living your life accordingly. However, for those of us that want to get married and want to do it in the most strategic, well planned way possible (to a man that is the best fit for us) this book is for us.
Sometimes, it's hard to realize that you aren't perfect. The older I get, the more socially shy I've become in bars and other common social scene experiences. If I'm not running an event or one of the leaders of a group, I pretty much become introverted and would rather read a book. This will not help me find a suitable partner. In reading this book, I've comes to terms with this fact - and more - that I've been in denial about. Kismet is a nice idea - but the Universe helps people that help themselves.
In summary, like every other book based on dating and mating, it will have general facts and personality modification suggestions that you can either follow or not follow. But, if you're out of college and single, face the facts that dating now turns into strategic planning and facts. Personally, I greatly valued reading this book.
February 19, 2012
Don't let the cheesy cover picture put you off. This is an excellent piece of social science research and general science writing.
I checked this book out from the library not because I was interested in the topic, but because our local library did not have Molloy's Dress for Success books. When I was a teenager, Dress for Success was my first introduction to experimental design and controls. So, when my daughter asked for my advice on how to design a psychological science fair investigation, I wanted her to read Molloy's work.
I pointed out the sections about survey methodology and finding control groups to reduce bias in the results to her.
The findings and the conclusions are spot on in the general sense. (I found a husband by accident when I was 20 so I don't know anything about the singles scene.) But, Molloy et al's (and he had many research collaborators who were female) observations are generally applicable to social and work situations outside of matrimony.
It's well worth spending an evening reading this research whether or not you are spouse-hunting.
I checked this book out from the library not because I was interested in the topic, but because our local library did not have Molloy's Dress for Success books. When I was a teenager, Dress for Success was my first introduction to experimental design and controls. So, when my daughter asked for my advice on how to design a psychological science fair investigation, I wanted her to read Molloy's work.
I pointed out the sections about survey methodology and finding control groups to reduce bias in the results to her.
The findings and the conclusions are spot on in the general sense. (I found a husband by accident when I was 20 so I don't know anything about the singles scene.) But, Molloy et al's (and he had many research collaborators who were female) observations are generally applicable to social and work situations outside of matrimony.
It's well worth spending an evening reading this research whether or not you are spouse-hunting.
June 22, 2014
Good, practical dating advice for women who are serious about finding a husband.
April 17, 2022
I learned a lot
September 4, 2022
I'm not sure what my motivation was for reading this book, however, I think it was the title I was curious about. I had an issue with the overall premise of this book.
This book was published in 2003. Molloy is the author behind the Dress for Success series and he is now in his 80s. His education background is an undergrad in political science. In the introduction chapter, Molloy talks about his "research findings." It involved interviewing 2,543 women who were coming out of marriage license bureaus. Out of the 2,543 women, 221 were in their late thirties and 463 were in their forties. Based on this "research," he says the 6 reasons why men marry some are as follows:
1. Women who marry insist on marriage. They settle for nothing else.
2. Women who married were far less likely to have wasted their time in a dead-end relationship.
3. Love yourself first. Women who married loved themselves more than they loved any man.
4. Women who are committed to the idea of marriage are more likely to get married.
5. Keep in shape, watch your weight, and take care of your appearance. Women who are slender have an easier time meeting men and better odds of getting married.
6. Time can be your worst enemy. Use time wisely in your search for that marrying man.
I am skeptical that he interviewed enough people. I did look up what sample size to use so this might have been sufficient enough. There are various schools of thought. My main issue is that he surveyed recently married people. I would rather the data be gathered from people who have been married for 10 years at least. Getting married isn't sufficient criteria for determining why men marry some women. You want to be able to stay married, ideally until death. How many of these interviewed women are not divorced and possibly remarried? I bet a whole lot, given that the divorce rate is so high.
The first finding he lists makes me rather uncomfortable. Maybe it was his word choice. I don't have an issue with women who want to get married. His use of the word "insists" implies that the women are using coercion and to me, that is problematic. I think if two people want to get married, someone has to initiate that conversation. That doesn't mean you are insisting. While you are in a relationship with someone, I would assume at one point there would be talk of what your life goals were and marriage would probably come up. Then the next conversation would be about if they want to get married to you. In Chapter 5 - Speaking of Marriage, the author states, "When we questioned women who were about to be married, they did not for a second deny they had put pressure on their men. In fact, 72% of them said they had coaxed, seduced, talked, pushed, directed, and nudged their future husbands into proposing. The vast majority thought the man in their life was ready to propose, and they were just facilitating the process." To me that is an extremely disturbing series of statements. You shouldn't have to push someone into marriage. That just doesn't make sense to me. I have several male friends in their mid-30s and older who have said they wanted to find someone to marry. I don't think it's uncommon for men to buy into the societal script of getting married and having children. To me, if you are with someone who isn't on the same page with you in terms of life goals, I would just drop them. Even the word "facilitate" is cringey for me. Like men aren't babies. Treat them like adults and maybe they will start acting like adults. I do wonder if these women are still happily married.
Another issue I have is how he talked about being in shape. This just isn't true. There are plenty of overweight people that get married and many times I see an obese woman in a relationship with a slender man. There are so many average & below average looking people out there who are happily married, so looks are not a factor. As the saying goes, there is a lid for every pot.
In Chapter 1 - The Marrying Kind, he does go into what makes a man receptive to marriage. Some of it depends on his experience in the dating realm as he may get tired of dating unsuccessfully. Another was their age, which can be dependent on when they finish school. Most of what he talks about is common sense reasons and nothing particularly insightful. He says that by 37/38, the odds that a man will commit diminishes and it diminishes even further after 43. I do think he provides some conflicting information. On page 18 in this chapter he says that, "Men who live at home with their parents are less likely to marry than men who have their own places." In Chapter 3 - Women Men Marry, he claims, "It's more important for a woman to live on her own than it is for a man." To me these seem a little conflicting. Obviously his research isn't scientifically valid, however, I think everyone needs to be independent. Some people leave their families and after various life events, may have to come home to live with their parents temporarily. The pandemic is an example of how some people moved back with their parents. Rising real estate costs are also another factor. I think it's key that the person knows how to be an adult; they can cook, do their own laundry, pay their bills on time, and are emotionally mature.
In Chapter 2 - First Impressions, the author says that men were more likely to emphasize their fiancee's personality over her physical beauty. They would use words such as: classy, nice, friendly, kind, elegant, self-assured, etc. He says in most cases the men were not these traits themselves and in reality the author claims the fiancees weren't either. He claims it was how the men perceived the fiancee. I'm not sure if this was an informal study because he isn't referencing the original study he did. I wonder if it's the oxytocin that creates these feelings because Molloy doesn't go into what proof these men had about their fiancees. Why is she kind? What is that based on? Again, many people get married due to infatuation so interviewing engaged men isn't solid enough because we don't know how the marriage ends up in the long run.
Later on in this chapter on page 38, the author said that the other studies they conducted confirmed the double standard that, "A majority of the men who were about to marry put a woman on first meeting into one of two categories: those who bedded and those they wedded." It's sad to me that men label women in this manner, but I hate to break it to some people, but women do the same thing. It's human nature to want to label people and sometimes I think it hurts in the long term. Sure we may feel more decisive and knowledgeable initially but a person's character is what will endure and it's possible our initial judgements about someone were wrong.
He continues to say on page 39 that very attractive and successful men often married women who were neither attractive nor successful. So the dumb, useless, and ugly women have a chance after all!
In Chapter 3 - Women Men Marry, page 52, they said that when they looked in corporations, they found that most of the successful women had husbands and children. The women said that the difference between them and the women who didn't marry was planning. I thought this was rather arrogant and presumptuous. Plenty of people have charmed lives and they think the success they attained was all due to their hard work, however, that is not necessarily always the case. It sounds like these women were simply lucky, however, I think Molloy wasn't conducting proper research and so I question the accuracy of these statements. Yes you probably need to make time to have a social life, however, many women meet lots of men but can never find the right one. Again this section was just repeating a message I noticed on occasion in this book. The message is that married women are superior to single women and so single women must be defective on some level. This message pops up indirectly several times in the book and I think it's sad. Maybe some women need to feel better about themselves by putting women down, which to me is sad. Nothing is permanent. Your man can leave you. You can leave your man. One day one of you will die first and you will be single. Does that mean you are worth less or you still think you have value because at least a man was committed to you?
In Chapter 5 - Speaking of Marriage, I was a little surprised to hear women getting upset when they asked men what they thought of marriage. Molloy said on page 118 the answer that enrages most women when they start a conversation with men about marriage is when they say, "I really haven't seriously thought about marriage." I'm surprised to read that. I guess it depends on the age of the man but most guys over 30 are thinking about making serious life commitments. Apparently for some women, they interpret this to mean that they aren't interested in marriage and Molloy says that many women think about marriage since they were little girls. I don't know how true that is, especially in today's society but I was not like that as a girl. I was reserved but also I was a weird and creative child so I was actually more focused on understanding the world around me.
The story in this chapter that I was most disturbed by was that of Terry and Joe. On page 127, he talks about how Terry was asking her boyfriend Joe while he was watching tv if he ever thought about getting married. He simply said, "I guess not." His response caused her to lose her mind because she started screaming at him and was insulting him saying things such as, "Without much effort, I could get someone smarter, richer, and better looking you," and "I wish I weren't in love with you, because you're a dumb ass." Eventually she started throwing his things out of her sixth-story window (I don't know why she had so much of his stuff at her apartment as it didn't sound like they were living together). She was going to throw out his $500 suit when he finally said, "If you want to get married that badly, we'll get married." She is still having her temper tantrum and ends up punching him in the nose when he told her, "If you want to whack me, go ahead. I have it coming." To me this is extremely abusive and Molloy doesn't even acknowledge this as a red flag. This woman was physically and verbally abusive to her boyfriend. She used violence to get what she wanted. This isn't healthy and it isn't normal. We should never normalize this type of domestic violence. Do you still think they are happily married?
Overall I found this book to be embarrassing and sad to read. It's not legitimate research and I'm sure there are actual people with PhDs who study relationships. The book fails to acknowledge that getting married is the easy part. It's staying happily married that is the hard part.
This book was published in 2003. Molloy is the author behind the Dress for Success series and he is now in his 80s. His education background is an undergrad in political science. In the introduction chapter, Molloy talks about his "research findings." It involved interviewing 2,543 women who were coming out of marriage license bureaus. Out of the 2,543 women, 221 were in their late thirties and 463 were in their forties. Based on this "research," he says the 6 reasons why men marry some are as follows:
1. Women who marry insist on marriage. They settle for nothing else.
2. Women who married were far less likely to have wasted their time in a dead-end relationship.
3. Love yourself first. Women who married loved themselves more than they loved any man.
4. Women who are committed to the idea of marriage are more likely to get married.
5. Keep in shape, watch your weight, and take care of your appearance. Women who are slender have an easier time meeting men and better odds of getting married.
6. Time can be your worst enemy. Use time wisely in your search for that marrying man.
I am skeptical that he interviewed enough people. I did look up what sample size to use so this might have been sufficient enough. There are various schools of thought. My main issue is that he surveyed recently married people. I would rather the data be gathered from people who have been married for 10 years at least. Getting married isn't sufficient criteria for determining why men marry some women. You want to be able to stay married, ideally until death. How many of these interviewed women are not divorced and possibly remarried? I bet a whole lot, given that the divorce rate is so high.
The first finding he lists makes me rather uncomfortable. Maybe it was his word choice. I don't have an issue with women who want to get married. His use of the word "insists" implies that the women are using coercion and to me, that is problematic. I think if two people want to get married, someone has to initiate that conversation. That doesn't mean you are insisting. While you are in a relationship with someone, I would assume at one point there would be talk of what your life goals were and marriage would probably come up. Then the next conversation would be about if they want to get married to you. In Chapter 5 - Speaking of Marriage, the author states, "When we questioned women who were about to be married, they did not for a second deny they had put pressure on their men. In fact, 72% of them said they had coaxed, seduced, talked, pushed, directed, and nudged their future husbands into proposing. The vast majority thought the man in their life was ready to propose, and they were just facilitating the process." To me that is an extremely disturbing series of statements. You shouldn't have to push someone into marriage. That just doesn't make sense to me. I have several male friends in their mid-30s and older who have said they wanted to find someone to marry. I don't think it's uncommon for men to buy into the societal script of getting married and having children. To me, if you are with someone who isn't on the same page with you in terms of life goals, I would just drop them. Even the word "facilitate" is cringey for me. Like men aren't babies. Treat them like adults and maybe they will start acting like adults. I do wonder if these women are still happily married.
Another issue I have is how he talked about being in shape. This just isn't true. There are plenty of overweight people that get married and many times I see an obese woman in a relationship with a slender man. There are so many average & below average looking people out there who are happily married, so looks are not a factor. As the saying goes, there is a lid for every pot.
In Chapter 1 - The Marrying Kind, he does go into what makes a man receptive to marriage. Some of it depends on his experience in the dating realm as he may get tired of dating unsuccessfully. Another was their age, which can be dependent on when they finish school. Most of what he talks about is common sense reasons and nothing particularly insightful. He says that by 37/38, the odds that a man will commit diminishes and it diminishes even further after 43. I do think he provides some conflicting information. On page 18 in this chapter he says that, "Men who live at home with their parents are less likely to marry than men who have their own places." In Chapter 3 - Women Men Marry, he claims, "It's more important for a woman to live on her own than it is for a man." To me these seem a little conflicting. Obviously his research isn't scientifically valid, however, I think everyone needs to be independent. Some people leave their families and after various life events, may have to come home to live with their parents temporarily. The pandemic is an example of how some people moved back with their parents. Rising real estate costs are also another factor. I think it's key that the person knows how to be an adult; they can cook, do their own laundry, pay their bills on time, and are emotionally mature.
In Chapter 2 - First Impressions, the author says that men were more likely to emphasize their fiancee's personality over her physical beauty. They would use words such as: classy, nice, friendly, kind, elegant, self-assured, etc. He says in most cases the men were not these traits themselves and in reality the author claims the fiancees weren't either. He claims it was how the men perceived the fiancee. I'm not sure if this was an informal study because he isn't referencing the original study he did. I wonder if it's the oxytocin that creates these feelings because Molloy doesn't go into what proof these men had about their fiancees. Why is she kind? What is that based on? Again, many people get married due to infatuation so interviewing engaged men isn't solid enough because we don't know how the marriage ends up in the long run.
Later on in this chapter on page 38, the author said that the other studies they conducted confirmed the double standard that, "A majority of the men who were about to marry put a woman on first meeting into one of two categories: those who bedded and those they wedded." It's sad to me that men label women in this manner, but I hate to break it to some people, but women do the same thing. It's human nature to want to label people and sometimes I think it hurts in the long term. Sure we may feel more decisive and knowledgeable initially but a person's character is what will endure and it's possible our initial judgements about someone were wrong.
He continues to say on page 39 that very attractive and successful men often married women who were neither attractive nor successful. So the dumb, useless, and ugly women have a chance after all!
In Chapter 3 - Women Men Marry, page 52, they said that when they looked in corporations, they found that most of the successful women had husbands and children. The women said that the difference between them and the women who didn't marry was planning. I thought this was rather arrogant and presumptuous. Plenty of people have charmed lives and they think the success they attained was all due to their hard work, however, that is not necessarily always the case. It sounds like these women were simply lucky, however, I think Molloy wasn't conducting proper research and so I question the accuracy of these statements. Yes you probably need to make time to have a social life, however, many women meet lots of men but can never find the right one. Again this section was just repeating a message I noticed on occasion in this book. The message is that married women are superior to single women and so single women must be defective on some level. This message pops up indirectly several times in the book and I think it's sad. Maybe some women need to feel better about themselves by putting women down, which to me is sad. Nothing is permanent. Your man can leave you. You can leave your man. One day one of you will die first and you will be single. Does that mean you are worth less or you still think you have value because at least a man was committed to you?
In Chapter 5 - Speaking of Marriage, I was a little surprised to hear women getting upset when they asked men what they thought of marriage. Molloy said on page 118 the answer that enrages most women when they start a conversation with men about marriage is when they say, "I really haven't seriously thought about marriage." I'm surprised to read that. I guess it depends on the age of the man but most guys over 30 are thinking about making serious life commitments. Apparently for some women, they interpret this to mean that they aren't interested in marriage and Molloy says that many women think about marriage since they were little girls. I don't know how true that is, especially in today's society but I was not like that as a girl. I was reserved but also I was a weird and creative child so I was actually more focused on understanding the world around me.
The story in this chapter that I was most disturbed by was that of Terry and Joe. On page 127, he talks about how Terry was asking her boyfriend Joe while he was watching tv if he ever thought about getting married. He simply said, "I guess not." His response caused her to lose her mind because she started screaming at him and was insulting him saying things such as, "Without much effort, I could get someone smarter, richer, and better looking you," and "I wish I weren't in love with you, because you're a dumb ass." Eventually she started throwing his things out of her sixth-story window (I don't know why she had so much of his stuff at her apartment as it didn't sound like they were living together). She was going to throw out his $500 suit when he finally said, "If you want to get married that badly, we'll get married." She is still having her temper tantrum and ends up punching him in the nose when he told her, "If you want to whack me, go ahead. I have it coming." To me this is extremely abusive and Molloy doesn't even acknowledge this as a red flag. This woman was physically and verbally abusive to her boyfriend. She used violence to get what she wanted. This isn't healthy and it isn't normal. We should never normalize this type of domestic violence. Do you still think they are happily married?
Overall I found this book to be embarrassing and sad to read. It's not legitimate research and I'm sure there are actual people with PhDs who study relationships. The book fails to acknowledge that getting married is the easy part. It's staying happily married that is the hard part.
July 1, 2025
The title is insulting and misleading but the content is excellent.
It is more about finding the type of men that marry at all and at which life phase commitment is most likely. Women are often told “He’s just not that into you”, this is true to some extent and is usually the only reason for many cases but the other half of the puzzle is whether the timing is right for him.
“A 24-year-old man who was almost completely bald explained that he had felt uncomfortable in the singles scene after he had approached a young woman in a singles bar and asked if he could buy her a drink.
Her response was to tell him, loud enough for everyone in the bar to hear, that it would be a good idea if he went home and kissed his wife and played with his kids. When he protested, she became sarcastic.
He could see he was losing the argument not only with her but with the entire bar. He walked out and never went back. It is not how old they are that makes men uncomfortable, it is how old they feel, or how old others make them feel. Once a man decides he’s too old for the singles scene, that part of his life is over, and he is more likely to marry.”
The other important part of the research were identifying “stringers”. I’ve never been involved with a stringer but seen many women fall victim:
“If you think you may be involved with a stringer, establish a deadline. If he doesn’t commit to you within six months, get rid of him. Pay no attention to his excuses. He may tell you that you’re coming on too strong. He may complain that the two of you haven’t been going together long enough, that he doesn’t know, that he hasn’t made up his mind. In fact, he is likely to tell you anything that will get you to stick around without his needing to make a commitment. Don’t fall for it. The chances a stringer will marry are very slim; he is simply not the marrying kind.
Earlier I mentioned those men who went with one woman for a time, then shortly thereafter went out and married another. This was the pattern, in fact, that initiated our research.”
Other useful info for filtering - religion, politics, views of feminism, fear of divorce, education, socioeconomic factors, living with parents, his social circle and siblings getting married.
Basically a study into the Taxi Cab theory shown in that one Sex and the City episode.
It is more about finding the type of men that marry at all and at which life phase commitment is most likely. Women are often told “He’s just not that into you”, this is true to some extent and is usually the only reason for many cases but the other half of the puzzle is whether the timing is right for him.
“A 24-year-old man who was almost completely bald explained that he had felt uncomfortable in the singles scene after he had approached a young woman in a singles bar and asked if he could buy her a drink.
Her response was to tell him, loud enough for everyone in the bar to hear, that it would be a good idea if he went home and kissed his wife and played with his kids. When he protested, she became sarcastic.
He could see he was losing the argument not only with her but with the entire bar. He walked out and never went back. It is not how old they are that makes men uncomfortable, it is how old they feel, or how old others make them feel. Once a man decides he’s too old for the singles scene, that part of his life is over, and he is more likely to marry.”
The other important part of the research were identifying “stringers”. I’ve never been involved with a stringer but seen many women fall victim:
“If you think you may be involved with a stringer, establish a deadline. If he doesn’t commit to you within six months, get rid of him. Pay no attention to his excuses. He may tell you that you’re coming on too strong. He may complain that the two of you haven’t been going together long enough, that he doesn’t know, that he hasn’t made up his mind. In fact, he is likely to tell you anything that will get you to stick around without his needing to make a commitment. Don’t fall for it. The chances a stringer will marry are very slim; he is simply not the marrying kind.
Earlier I mentioned those men who went with one woman for a time, then shortly thereafter went out and married another. This was the pattern, in fact, that initiated our research.”
Other useful info for filtering - religion, politics, views of feminism, fear of divorce, education, socioeconomic factors, living with parents, his social circle and siblings getting married.
Basically a study into the Taxi Cab theory shown in that one Sex and the City episode.
Read
October 9, 2016I'm reluctant to admit I read this book, let alone enjoyed it, but I did. I have all kinds of defensive things to say like 'I only read it because I could borrow it as an ebook from the library', or 'I don't even want to get married myself'. The thing is, even though the book is quite out of date and doesn't look at the statistics on whether or not marriage is a good idea, if marriage were your goal, it presents an engaging analysis of the data on people who are successful at getting married and on those who are not.
February 20, 2013
There are lots of these 'how to land a man' books out there. This one is based on solid research the author and his teams did with thousands of people-men, women, old, young, married/engaged/single. Some interesting conclusions based on the research: how men feel when broached with the subject of marriage, who's most likely (according to the research) to get married and how you're most likely to get your man to propose. Each chapter covers a different stage from meeting men to getting married and ends with a list of recommendations based on the research of what to do. The section on marrying over 40 was very revealing albeit kind of a bitter pill to swallow there. Written before online dating was the thing so not much at all on that type of dating. Still definitely worth reading for those who want a true take on getting married and how to improve your odds.
October 1, 2010
It's funny: when we read that a slender, intelligent, well-educated woman is more likely to get work, we just nod, but to read that such women are also more likely to get married raises hackles for some reason.
One of the reviewers complains that the book puts all the responsibility for marriage on women's shoulders, but the author goes out of his way to describe the kinds of men who will never marry, such as confirmed bachelors or bitter divorced men (though the amicably divorced are very likely to remarry). Much more sadly, I learned that widowers who had to nurse their wife through a long illness or watched her die a painful death are very unlikely to remarry.
One of the reviewers complains that the book puts all the responsibility for marriage on women's shoulders, but the author goes out of his way to describe the kinds of men who will never marry, such as confirmed bachelors or bitter divorced men (though the amicably divorced are very likely to remarry). Much more sadly, I learned that widowers who had to nurse their wife through a long illness or watched her die a painful death are very unlikely to remarry.
June 2, 2017
This book even says something like "read it and you'll get married in less than a year".... I was given this book to cure my single-ness problem. According to this book, I'm beyond screwed until I settle for a 20-something. I find lots of holes in the author's sweeping judgements and conclusions. Some of the data he collected is interesting, but not able to pinpoint everyone.
March 25, 2011
Interesting book but a little outdated in the sense that meeting the opposite sex is usually done through the internet. I would like to see an updated version and see if the author's thoughts and opinions change with the technology of dating on-line.
October 31, 2008
Picked up this book the other day I had it in my house, but NEVER read it. Interesting..not sure I buy everything they say but some things make sense.
December 22, 2008
The basic research is interesting. I don't think any research will lead you to the husband of your dreams!
May 30, 2024
Started off strong, with enough helpful metrics to keep in mind, and I appreciate that the author summarizes the major points at the end of each chapter with bullet points.
I didn't like that the author gave false hope with his limited possibly delusional examples. They all happened to be unlikely situations where women gave men a chance that they normally wouldn't give, and they were surprised to learn the men were super wealthy (eye roll). For example, there were 3 off-putting men who lived together in an apartment that some women dubbed the "pigpen" (not sure if it was because the men were slobs or something), and when these men would ask the women out they all said no. Finally the women decided to place a bet with each other that whomever dates one of the pigpen men first would get $100 each from the other two women. One of the women decided to say yes to a date that one of the pigpen men asked her out on -- she was surprised he suggested a fine restaurant. Then she learned he's a divorced billionaire with his own separate home and he used the apartment with his business partners since it's close to the office, and he was able to set up her friends with his wealthy friends. It was super cringy to read that crazy example.
The author had another example where he encouraged women to date men who don't communicate well if that's the only major flaw with them, and to be the one who teach them to communicate better, since the author thinks that later on these men will thank you for that and praise you to your friends that you helped improve his social skills.... The biggest problem I find with men who have communication skills is they also end up having some really primitive/vulgar/misogynistic thoughts when they do finally open up and and feel comfortable speaking their minds so it's not a minor problem I would make light of and suggest others to put up with.
Also after the halfway point, the author mentions a survey he had the men take, and no surprise that they all said they wanted a kind (some examples indicate not nagging), caring (includes cooking for them as well as being supportive of them), woman who has lots of sex with them. I concluded "mommy bang-maid" from this.
If the author wants to update the book, it would help for him to include metrics related to men who go to college in their 30s as well as men who get graduate degrees in their 30s, since many of those men are online dating, and I'd like to know how that affects the trend by age of those men being ready to settle down and marry compared to those that complete college and grad school soon after high school without so many gap years.
I didn't like that the author gave false hope with his limited possibly delusional examples. They all happened to be unlikely situations where women gave men a chance that they normally wouldn't give, and they were surprised to learn the men were super wealthy (eye roll). For example, there were 3 off-putting men who lived together in an apartment that some women dubbed the "pigpen" (not sure if it was because the men were slobs or something), and when these men would ask the women out they all said no. Finally the women decided to place a bet with each other that whomever dates one of the pigpen men first would get $100 each from the other two women. One of the women decided to say yes to a date that one of the pigpen men asked her out on -- she was surprised he suggested a fine restaurant. Then she learned he's a divorced billionaire with his own separate home and he used the apartment with his business partners since it's close to the office, and he was able to set up her friends with his wealthy friends. It was super cringy to read that crazy example.
The author had another example where he encouraged women to date men who don't communicate well if that's the only major flaw with them, and to be the one who teach them to communicate better, since the author thinks that later on these men will thank you for that and praise you to your friends that you helped improve his social skills.... The biggest problem I find with men who have communication skills is they also end up having some really primitive/vulgar/misogynistic thoughts when they do finally open up and and feel comfortable speaking their minds so it's not a minor problem I would make light of and suggest others to put up with.
Also after the halfway point, the author mentions a survey he had the men take, and no surprise that they all said they wanted a kind (some examples indicate not nagging), caring (includes cooking for them as well as being supportive of them), woman who has lots of sex with them. I concluded "mommy bang-maid" from this.
If the author wants to update the book, it would help for him to include metrics related to men who go to college in their 30s as well as men who get graduate degrees in their 30s, since many of those men are online dating, and I'd like to know how that affects the trend by age of those men being ready to settle down and marry compared to those that complete college and grad school soon after high school without so many gap years.
April 14, 2025
I didn't like the first few chapters, or I just didn't like what I'm reading with the facts and statistics given. However, the rest of the pages were truly insightful. It spoke about the kinds of divorced men and widowers. I think American culture when it comes to marriage, it's very liberated. Absolutely different from how the tradition of marriage is supposed to be. Nonetheless, this is a great book and re-read at some point. There are a lot of tips and advice. Definitely recommended, especially for women who still don't learn from their past and how to choose wisely for their future partner or husband.
January 19, 2020
Women/girls that want to be married, have to face the facts that dating now turns into strategic planning and no amount of time, investment or "wife material" pampering, will convince their boyfriends to marry.
Men marry only when they feel like they're "ready to settle", and, now, have no reason to settle too soon, if they can convince women/girls to have free sex with them, and"no commitment" required of them.
Men marry only when they feel like they're "ready to settle", and, now, have no reason to settle too soon, if they can convince women/girls to have free sex with them, and"no commitment" required of them.
June 30, 2025
Fascinating read! I became interested in Molloy’s work after watching the movie Working Girl and reading that his Women’s Dress for Success book was an influence. I couldn’t find Dress for Success at my library, but I did find this and read it as a consolation prize. I expected to be offended but reading about his methods and findings was intriguing.
May 13, 2020
Ignoring the sensational title and blurb, this book gave a nice snapshot of identifying men who are ready to marry and men who are not ready to marry (if ever). I really liked how this book dealt away with the cliched notion that women are entirely at fault if a man does not want to marry her.
April 8, 2022
Found this book very informative, however the facts and statements made were not anything new or shocking to be honest, it just reaffirmed a lot things we already believe about relationships and marriage as a society.
November 2, 2023
Really fascinating stats here, though the target audience is definitely secular. Read for the numbers about how, where, and when people meet, and don't be bothered by some of the presuppositions about how the average person approaches marriage as an institution.
August 10, 2025
If you are a woman who wants a traditional marriage with husband and children, do not let anyone talk you out of your dream. It is not only romantic—it is also very practical. - John T. Molly
This book was recommended by Dr. Daf. I found it insightful.
This book was recommended by Dr. Daf. I found it insightful.
May 11, 2017
Excellent advice. I read this and was engaged in the next three months.
May 11, 2018
Never read this if you’re a feminist!!!!
January 7, 2012
I loved this book because he so thoroughly skewered the "you'll never marry ifs" that so many of my friends kept throwing at me back in the day. I kept on doing what I thought was right, and got married. They kept playing their weird games, and are still single. Not that Molloy covers every possibility, but he did very accurately describe a lot of the myths going around when he published the book, along with why those ideas were both dangerous (for those who wanted to get married) and mythological (because reality wasn't working that way).
Whether this book would be any help in today's dating scene (or whatever it's called nowadays), I dunno. Most of it is what I always considered common sense -- except for the fact that so many women I knew didn't get it, so maybe it's uncommon sense after all.
Whether this book would be any help in today's dating scene (or whatever it's called nowadays), I dunno. Most of it is what I always considered common sense -- except for the fact that so many women I knew didn't get it, so maybe it's uncommon sense after all.
August 23, 2011
Started skimming this in the library and found myself actually reading it so I took it home to finish. I was interested because of the research done to write the book and actually found the stats fascinating in some cases. (I have a Masters in Psych, so yes, I may be a little crazy that I like reading other people's research studies). Found a lot of the advice to be pretty common, but as someone who prefers everything to be black and white, I really did like that the book gave stats to back up the advice. As with any self-help/advice/relationship book, you have to understand that everyone is different and your (and your guy's) experience may vary. I just liked seeing the statistical averages to compare myself against.
February 23, 2009
Ummm...What can I say...I only read this book because it was on the bookshelf of the guy I'm dating. Which in itself is hysterical. The book pretty much managed to annoy me, stress me out, and bore me all at once. It does have some good points, and it is based on genuine statistical evidence. But so much of it is common sense, and it amazes me that there are women out there who are clueless to a lot of this stuff. I did laugh out loud at several points. And it wasn't attempting to be funny.
September 7, 2016
Picked up this book because the fact that the results were based on years of research appealed to me. I liked the way the author presented the results while being quite sensitive as to the potential affect on women (who are the target audience for this book). I would recommend it to my friends as one of the major ones for their shelf, especially to dispel lies women keep telling themselves to stay in self-denial instead of socialising and making an effort to meet relationship-friendly men. Particularly useful sections on dating divorcees, widowers and over-forties.
April 4, 2013
Some women will be uncomfortable with the home truths that lie within these pages. But it's good to hear the male perspective on what men find attractive and what is a turn-off, particularly relating to the late thirtysomething woman. I alluded to John T Molloy's views in my own book 'Finding Mr Right: The Real Woman's Guide to Landing That Man' published by JR Books. Although obviously written from an American perspective, culturally it fits well with British people hoping to find a life partner.
August 27, 2014
I appreciated this book and wish I had read it sooner in life. It opened my eyes to things I was doing wrong in my 20s. It also opened my eyes to facts about the way men relate that I just never learned through experience or from female friends. My favorite part of this book was the description of the natural stages in relationships. This is one of the better relationship books I've read (and I've read a lot of them).
July 30, 2008
If you can get past the horrible, horrible title (seriously, what was this editor thinking?) you'll find a very insightful book. Based on information gleaned from interviews with multiple newlywed or engaged couples, and single men and women, the author offers tips on how to find romance, or convince the man you're dating that it's time to get married.
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