Dan Doriani understands that men don’t need more lists to excel as husbands, fathers, or leaders. The new man in Christ is shaped by knowing God through his Word, because the way of a godly man is the way of his God.
With a focus on honing character rather than following techniques, Doriani helps you to reflect God’s character in marriage, friendships, wealth, work, fitness, play, and more. You won’t find checklists for self-improvement (or three ways to grill a steak), but you will find clarity, honesty, encouragement—and freedom in the Man who is not just our example but ultimately our Savior.
“An accessible, biblical, and inspiring vision for manhood. I recommend it to Christian men everywhere.” —Darrin Patrick, Author of The Dude’s Guide to Manhood and The Dude’s Guide to Marriage
“Dan is a proven thinker and leader. . . . He has somewhat miraculously managed to peel away the popular, overly-sensitive-to-public-opinion reinterpretation of what it means to be a man, while at the same time remained sensitive to the cultural moment in which believers must actually live out their faith. No small feat!” —Patrick Morley, Founder of Man in the Mirror
“Dan Doriani’s book will be a feast for your heart and life to your soul. It will bring you purpose and meaning and offer a freedom that can be experienced and realized only with a heart poised toward God. The New Man will equip men to lead courageously and to leave a godly legacy for generations to come!” —Shawn Brower, Author of We Became Men and The Huddle
Dan Doriani is vice president of strategic academic projects and professor of theology at Covenant Theological Seminary. Previously he was senior pastor of Central Presbyterian Church in Clayton, Missouri.
After a decade as senior pastor of Central Presbyterian church in Clayton, Missouri, Dr. Doriani returned to Covenant Seminary full time in October 2013 to serve as vice president of strategic academic projects and professor of theology.
In this role, he teaches two core courses for the Master of Divinity (MDiv) program—Christian Ethics and Reformation and Modern Church History—as well as some elective courses on exegesis and church life. He also speaks in churches and conferences on behalf of the Seminary in ways that advance the mission of Covenant.
Dr. Doriani previously served in various roles at the Seminary from 1991 to 2003, including professor of New Testament, dean of faculty, and vice president of academics. While pastoring at Central, he continued teaching as adjunct professor of systematic theology. He has extensive teaching and pastoral experience as an interim, assistant, associate, and solo pastor, and has been involved in several planning and study committees at the presbytery level in both the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA) and the Evangelical Presbyterian Church (EPC). He was chair of the PCA’s Theological Examining Committee from 1999 to 2000. Among his many books are Getting the Message: A Plan for Interpreting and Applying the Bible (P&R, 1996); Putting the Truth to Work: The Theory and Practice of Biblical Application (P&R, 2001); The Life of a God-Made Man (Crossway, 2001); and commentaries on Matthew, James, and 1 Peter in P&R’s Reformed Expository Commentaries series. He is also a contributing blogger for The Gospel Coalition.
Dr. Doriani and his wife, Debbie, live in Chesterfield, Missouri, and have three grown daughters.
This is a revised and updated edition of the 2001 book The Life of a God-Made Man: Becoming a Man After God’s Heart by a respected pastor and seminary professor. In this book, he tells us that he will spend more time exploring Bible texts than typical men’s books do. He also will focus on character over technique and law. Instead of starting with rules and guidelines for godly living, he begins the book by considering the nature of God. The author tells us that it is important, at this moment in Western culture, to know what it means to be a man and to act like one. He tells us that beyond doubt, Scripture instructs men to act like men, to act in ways that fit their gender. He discusses four models of masculinity, and then proposes God himself as the model of godly masculinity. God’s person and work is the model for the book as the author looks at man in marriage, fatherhood, work, leadership, friendship, etc. The author tells us that the man after God’s heart lives by grace, not laws; by character, not techniques; in short, by the pattern of the living God. The book includes helpful “Discussion Questions” at the end of each chapter, making this a good book to read and discuss with other men. This is a serious book about what it means to be a man after God’s own heart. It is not one that will give you “5 Tips to Be a Better Husband”, for example. Read it slowly and ponder the wisdom on its pages. Below are some of my takeaways from the book: A Man and His Marriage: Companionship • God designed marriage to be the prime source of companionship for adults. • The root of the decline of marriage is the loss of a Christian concept of love. • A healthy marriage will manifest three faces of love, labeled by the Greek words agape, philia, and eros. • The family is a society of sinners. A Christian marriage is the union of two redeemed sinners, not two angels. • Godly husbands see Christ’s love as their pattern. A Man and His Children • “Successful” parenthood depends on who you are, more than the techniques you know. • A man can master every method, but without love, he will fail as a father. Conversely, if a father loves his children, he can commit many minor managerial mistakes and succeed at parenting. • God is the source and model for every family, every form of “fatherhood” • Every aspect of God’s character teaches fathers how to live, but some are weightier than others. Love is certainly paramount • Alongside love, justice, mercy, and faithfulness form the core of godly parenthood. • To develop the spiritual life of their children, parents must first develop their own. • Our supreme hope lies in the grace of Christ, not parenting techniques. • The Bible is pro-child and consistent Christians must be pro-child. A Man and His Friends • First, everyone needs companionship. Second, the friendship of God manifests helpful presence and self-disclosure. These are the core of friendship. • On the whole, women form more constructive friendships than men, for they care about them more. Men, by comparison, are careless about friendships, forming them almost accidentally. • Since men enter into friendships through a shared task, their relationships are typically one-dimensional. • Genuine friendship may begin as a one-dimensional relationship. But something happens and the next dimension opens. • If we refuse friendships with the opposite sex, we cut off the insights, skills, and excellence of half the human race. • God has ordained, blessed, and modeled friendship as part of a good life. A Man and His Work • We cannot see the results of our work, but God can and he gives us roles that let us serve our neighbors. • All honest work is dignified if we love our neighbors and strive to serve God in it. • We must not think that “sacred” work—church work—pleases God more than “secular” work. • The Lord is pleased with faithful work in every calling. • Because God works and intended mankind to work, even before sin entered creation, we should have a guarded optimism toward labor. • Work is not burdensome when you do what you love, for people you love. • The noblest thing we can do is to serve the Lord faithfully in the place God assigns us. • Before God, the highest position anyone can hold is the one to which God gifted and summoned him. • Every job has its burdens, but we tolerate them if we spend most of our time using our chief gifts. • There are good reasons to work hard: rare skills, love of the work itself, or love of the cause it serves. But all too often our overwork is sinful, driven by slavery to false gods. A Man as Leader • Jesus demonstrated that true leaders serve—and suffer. • Like Jesus, leaders will be blamed for things they did not do wrong. • Leaders suffer pointless envy and irrational hate. • Leadership is hard. The work never ends. • Beside its interest in servant leadership, the Bible stresses character-based leadership. The key text for that is 1 Timothy 3, Paul’s description of a church elder. • Good leaders are strongest in times of testing. They are ready to fight where the battle rages. They engage the issues of the hour. When crises arise, they lead the way when others get lost. • Leaders prove themselves publicly by their exemplary character. • When people know their leaders are willing to put them first, it becomes easier to follow. • The best way to find new leaders is to locate people who are already leading quietly but effectively in a little noticed corner. • Because Christians claim a higher standard, our leaders must have a good reputation. • What an elder needs most is the desire to serve. • Gifts are important, but for the Christian leader there is no substitute for godliness and a willingness to work just where the work needs to be done. A Man and His Wealth • A day of reckoning, before God, will arrive. We will account for the use of our material wealth as well as our God-given capacities—of mind, energy, and skills. • Our vision of the good life owes more to society than to Scripture. • The cure for the malady of materialism is generosity toward God, starting with the heart, then moving to actions. • More than laws, we need godly goals for our careers. We should offer our work to God, governing our corner of creation for him, using the gifts he bestows. One day we will stand before the Lord and render an account. • We must guard against overwork, organizing our life and career so we have time for family, friends, church, and godly pleasures. We must refuse to work endlessly, simply to support expensive tastes. • People who live to get rich love this world, not God. • If our gifts and efforts lead to riches, more or less by accident, praise God. But we should not choose a career just to get rich (James 4:1–4; 1 Tim. 6:6–10). • Generous people love to give. They taste the splendor of Christ’s kingdom, its world-changing power. They see Jesus restraining the work of the evil one. They delight to support God’s work in areas where money can make a difference. • This age keeps its eye on money, but the man after God’s heart keeps his eye on God and his kingdom. • Beyond the tithe, he sets the generosity of Jesus as his model. A Man and His Body: A Proper Concern for Our Flesh and Blood • God wants us to enjoy bodily life. • The principle for the right use of God’s bounty is simple: “Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Cor. 10:31 ESV). A Man and His Body: Living Faithfully in Our Skin • Scripture doesn’t require fitness, but bodily strength is good and it is normal and wise to pursue it. • The right use of the body includes the right use of sleep. A Man and His Play • Play has many lessons to teach us, but that is not why we play. We play for the fun of it. • While the Lord’s Day remains first a day of worship and rest, it also becomes a good day to play. • Play, like rest, is a divine gift. The Glory and the Misery of Man • The hunger for excellence, even glory, rests deep in our hearts. • The drive to excel testifies that God designed us for glory. • God prizes faithfulness, not success. • The essence of Christian living is knowing God, trusting him, and conforming to him, not rule keeping.
Started strong - early chapters on marriage and fatherhood were really helpful in their balance. The idea of marriage needing to capture all three major aspects of love (philia, agape and eros) was great. But then the book went downhill dramatically and he basically said nothing interesting the rest of the book- content to do pointless text analysis and obvious landing points.
I read this with my men's group. I broke the book into four sections for us (for various reasons, but realistically that was the right breakdown for the practicality of busyness, schedules, etc.). I wrote some questions, while also drawing from and adding to the questions that are provided in the book. If these help you, or a a group you're a part of, feel free to take, edit, and make them your own...
Pages 7-88 Intro and Marriage
How do you handle your sin (20-25)?
Among the contemporary images of manhood, where do you tend to land: the tough guy, the good provider, the softer man, or the self-actualizer (32-42)?
A word from old marriages vows Doriani emphasizes is “troth.” As in: pledge you my troth. “Troth is cleaving. Troth is staying power. Troth is a pledge of lifelong fidelity. It is reliability, stability, trust, loyalty, endurance, without preconditions” (54). What are things in your life that wear you down and cause you not not fight for troth in your marriage?
How can we specifically be praying for your marriage this week?
89-115 Children
As you read the chapter, consider: The Justice/Love Diagram on page 96; in your not-so-healthy-moments, where do you tend to operate?
Ten Commandments and Children (100-1)… How is “Do not covet” a struggle for each of your kids, particularly with their friends? How do sinful tendencies of youngest/middle/oldest sibling dynamics play out with your kids 101)?
“Discipline is the process in which bigger sinners attempt to convince little sinners to mend their wicked ways” (101). Where are strengths and weaknesses for you in regards to disciplining your children? Where are the strengths and weaknesses for your wife in this area?
Where do you see yourself repeating patterns of your parents? Where do you see yourself doing the intentional opposite patterns of your parents and therefore falling off into a ditch on the other side of the same road that your children will one day want to over-correct?
117-199 Friends, Work, Leadership, Wealth
Who is a person in your life with whom you need to pursue closer Christian fellowship?
What would living out your faith look like in your current work place?
Where is God calling you to move more fully into biblical leadership right now?
In what ways is materialism currently a struggle for you, your wife, your children?
201-274 Body, Play, Glory
If you could change one daily/weekly aspect of your physical life, what would it be?
What does exercise currently look like in your life. Realistically how would you hope for it to stay consistent or look different?
Considering Jesus’ relationship with alcohol, are there any ways in which you feel you want to address your current relationship with alcohol?
How is sleep for you lately?
What are the main current obstacles to play in your life (schedule, tiredness, loss of a playful heart, etc.)? How is this for your personally? In your marriage? As a father?
How have you handled failure in your life? How would resting in Christ as your Hero apply to your view of your failures?
Who would be a faithful hero in your life that you would hope to emulate? What is it about that person that you most want to draw from, follow, and reproduce in your own way?
I debated between 3 and 4 starts for a long minute with this book. 3 because while the book did have value, it lacks any real enticing parts to keep the reader engaged. I settled on 4 because even though it’s not the best written book, it does have some very important wisdom and knowledge that needs to be shared with all men. While it is a bit dry, it also challenges men to stand up and be the man God intended them to be. A must read, not for entertainment, but for enlightenment.
This is a good book overall, focusing on ways the character of God shapes aspects of a godly man's life. In the epilogue, Doriani says that unfinished questions for him include "Is the godliness of men different from the godliness of women? (Does 90 percent of this book hold for women too?)" I think that's an accurate summary: good on general sanctification, with a dash of masculine-specific focus, but no sustained reflection on what a man is .
A good book for a man who’s in his first few years following Christ. But if you’ve been actively reading and growing for 5-10 years as a Christ follower, then you’ve probably already covered much of this material in one way or another. There are discussion questions at the end of each chapter, making for good conversation between men regardless of how mature the group is.
The insight is deep, and sometimes it seems as if the author goes into left field to play in the grass. I do appreciate his thoughts, within different subjects. Like most reads of this nature, a person only finds useful what is pertinent to himself.
One of the better books on manhood. Less of a book on defining biblical masculinity and more practical guidance on how to live as a man in various spheres of life - as a husband, father, worker, etc... Loved the chapter on play and simply how practical it was. For example, in the chapter on play, there was a section complete with illustrations about different games you can play with your children and explanations of how the games work. It was a much needed book at a much needed time.
Of the many "man" books out there in the Christian world, I think this may be the best I've read. It is biblical, gospel-focused, comprehensive, and practical. It encourages a God-centered view of life without becoming hyper-spiritual. Check it out!
Sunday school book. I have few quibbles with Doriani's advice but the book covered old ground in old ways, without any particular eloquence or exceptional maturity. It is certainly orthodox/orthoprax, but also non-exceptional on a shelf of similar books. Richard Phillip's book was far better.