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Trading Places: The Best Move You'll Ever Make in Your Marriage
To understand your spouse you've got to walk in his or her shoes. Ever feel like you're stepping on each other's toes? Then maybe it's time you put yourselves in each other's shoes. Of course that may sound uncomfortable. But it's easier than you think---and it will revolutionize your relationship. In fact, bestselling authors Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott reveal the little-known secrets of putting the time-tested strategy of trading places to work in your own marriage. In this book, chock-full of practical helps and tips you've never thought of, you'll learn the three-step-strategy to trading places and, as a result, you're sure - Increase your levels of passion - Bolster your commitment - Eliminate nagging - Short-circuit conflict - Double your laughter - Forgive more quickly - Talk more intimately In short, you'll be more understanding and better understood. In other words, you'll experience---day after day---the unconditional love every couple longs for. 'We've often fantasized about being able to literally hand a box of mutual empathy---the revolutionary tool for instantly improving a relationship---to the couples that attend our seminars. Well, this book is the closest we'll ever come to being able to do just that.' --Les and Leslie Parrott Most couples never discover the rewards of trading places. For example, did you know it's the quickest way to get your own needs met? It's true! And Les and Leslie show you how. They also disclose exactly how trading places improves your conversations and how it's guaranteed to fire up your sex life. Truly, your love life and your entire marriage will never be the same after you learn the intimate dance of trading places. This book also features a powerful, free online assessment, powered by eHarmony Marriage that instantly improves your inclination to trade places. How? By zeroing in on exactly what you'd most like your spouse to accurately understand about you. In addition, two workbooks with no-nonsense exercises---one for you and one for your spouse---will help you apply each chapter to your own marriage. Les and Leslie have made it easy. So why not walk a few steps in your spouse's shoes, starting today? Whether you're a newlywed couple or you've been married for decades, it's never too early or too late to attain the power of trading places.
195 pages, Hardcover
First published April 1, 2008
About the author
Les Parrott III
151 books134 followers#1 New York Times best-selling authors, Les and Leslie. A husband-and-wife team who not only share the same name, but the same passion for helping others build healthy relationships. In 1991, the Parrotts founded the Center for Relationship Development on the campus of Seattle Pacific University - a groundbreaking program dedicated to teaching the basics of good relationships.
Married in 1984, the Parrotts bring real-life examples to their speaking platform. Their professional training - Leslie as a marriage and family therapist, and Les as a clinical psychologist - ensures a presentation that is grounded, insightful and cutting-edge.
The Parrotts are New York Times #1 Best Selling Authors. Their books include the award-winning Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, Love Talk, Real Relationships, The Parent You Want to Be, The Hour That Matters Most and Crazy Good Sex.
Each year Les and Leslie speak in over 40 cities. Their audiences include a wide array of venues, from churches to Fortune 500 company board rooms. Their books have sold over two million copies in more than two dozen languages.
The Parrotts have been guests on many national TV and radio programs such as CNN, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, The View with Barbara Walters, NBC Nightly News, and Oprah. Their work has been featured in USA Today and The New York Times.
Visit their website for lots of free resources at www.LesandLeslie.com
Married in 1984, the Parrotts bring real-life examples to their speaking platform. Their professional training - Leslie as a marriage and family therapist, and Les as a clinical psychologist - ensures a presentation that is grounded, insightful and cutting-edge.
The Parrotts are New York Times #1 Best Selling Authors. Their books include the award-winning Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, Love Talk, Real Relationships, The Parent You Want to Be, The Hour That Matters Most and Crazy Good Sex.
Each year Les and Leslie speak in over 40 cities. Their audiences include a wide array of venues, from churches to Fortune 500 company board rooms. Their books have sold over two million copies in more than two dozen languages.
The Parrotts have been guests on many national TV and radio programs such as CNN, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, The View with Barbara Walters, NBC Nightly News, and Oprah. Their work has been featured in USA Today and The New York Times.
Visit their website for lots of free resources at www.LesandLeslie.com
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
August 27, 2021
I grew from reading this book.
May 9, 2019
Do you have subjects you never talk to your spouse about because it just leads to a fight? Have you heard the phrase: "You are impossible to please?"
I used one phrase in this book to address a subject we both avoided. Not only were we able to resolve the issue, but we were also better able to understand each other.
I highly recommend this book to couples.
I used one phrase in this book to address a subject we both avoided. Not only were we able to resolve the issue, but we were also better able to understand each other.
I highly recommend this book to couples.
April 24, 2020
This book was great and broke down the topic of empathy in a way anyone can understand! Empathy is something anybody needs to work on..not just those in a relationship/marriage. The way the Parrots wrote about empathy was simple but yet informative. Yes, there were some parts where I was a tad bored but I would recommend this book to someone who is looking to work on being empathetic!
January 28, 2018
Quick read with great and practical information!
September 24, 2025
Some good, solid points here! I feel though it would have been best connected to another text instead of having a book only on this topic. The conclusion has a lot of good content.
August 9, 2010
I am always skeptical of books that claim to be the definitive guide to anything, particularly things related to psychology or relationships (the one exception being the DSM IV). So when I read that the editors believe this book holds “the secret” to a better marriage, I wasn’t buying it. But after reading it, I can say (without a hint of skepticism) that it actually works, and the difference is immediate.
The secret share is empathy, the ability to experience things the way another person does. It’s not sympathy, which is more akin to being with someone as they experience, but involves trying to actively assume their perspective as best you can. The promise is simple: the better you understand your spouse’s perspective, let them know that you understand, and react based on that understanding, the better her response will be.
On top of the effective and practical advice, the Parrotts are enjoyable to read, and very easy to read quickly — I bought this on a Thursday and finished it Friday. The book is full of anecdotes from couples they’ve interacted with an from their own lives. Definitely worth picking up if you think you could stand to have a better relationship with your spouse.
The secret share is empathy, the ability to experience things the way another person does. It’s not sympathy, which is more akin to being with someone as they experience, but involves trying to actively assume their perspective as best you can. The promise is simple: the better you understand your spouse’s perspective, let them know that you understand, and react based on that understanding, the better her response will be.
On top of the effective and practical advice, the Parrotts are enjoyable to read, and very easy to read quickly — I bought this on a Thursday and finished it Friday. The book is full of anecdotes from couples they’ve interacted with an from their own lives. Definitely worth picking up if you think you could stand to have a better relationship with your spouse.
September 14, 2019
I am always skeptical of books that claim to be the definitive guide to anything, particularly things related to psychology or relationships (the one exception being the DSM IV). So when I read that the editors believe this book holds “the secret” to a better marriage, I wasn’t buying it. But after reading it, I can say (without a hint of skepticism) that it actually works, and the difference is immediate.
The secret share is empathy, the ability to experience things the way another person does. It’s not sympathy, which is more akin to being with someone as they experience, but involves trying to actively assume their perspective as best you can. The promise is simple: the better you understand your spouse’s perspective, let them know that you understand, and react based on that understanding, the better her response will be.
On top of the effective and practical advice, the Parrotts are enjoyable to read, and very easy to read quickly — I bought this on a Thursday and finished it Friday. The book is full of anecdotes from couples they’ve interacted with an from their own lives. Definitely worth picking up if you think you could stand to have a better relationship with your spouse
The secret share is empathy, the ability to experience things the way another person does. It’s not sympathy, which is more akin to being with someone as they experience, but involves trying to actively assume their perspective as best you can. The promise is simple: the better you understand your spouse’s perspective, let them know that you understand, and react based on that understanding, the better her response will be.
On top of the effective and practical advice, the Parrotts are enjoyable to read, and very easy to read quickly — I bought this on a Thursday and finished it Friday. The book is full of anecdotes from couples they’ve interacted with an from their own lives. Definitely worth picking up if you think you could stand to have a better relationship with your spouse
April 21, 2015
This was an awesome book about empathy. My family concluded that empathy has many levels. If all three steps are used, I feel empathy is shown on a deep level and there is more understanding between the relationship. In general we all have to be mindful when someone is upset and try and hone into what the root of the problem is and not take it personally. Ask those questions for clarification and understanding. Using words like I am trying to understand could you help me... To me it makes all the difference in the world when someone is looking past the frustration and really trying to understand me. Then I wouldn't feel like I have to repeat myself. Taking the two seconds to be mindful and having empathy for that person can change how you see that person. Your response changes as well. Everyone can practice and I am going to do my best to be more self aware and practice empathy.
February 29, 2016
I was really looking forward to reading this because it's a topic I am interested in. This book's writing is so hard to follow. Half-way through I decided to keep going and ignore the poor writing. But I found it bothered me more and more as it went along. There seemed to be no sense of direction, maybe they didn't make an outline. It's filled with tons of research and anecdotal stories, which is great. And I am so thankful for the information but it was so difficult to read that I wonder if there isn't a better book on the topic of marital empathy.
November 30, 2013
This is a very comprehensive book written by a great married couple who has lots of wisdom and ministers to different married couples through their many wonderful books. I have read a few of them. They are all insightful, helpful and full of helpful tips for couples. This book is no exception. It really gave me practical advice to empathize with my spouse. An easy and great read.
July 16, 2008
Very helpful psychological advice about getting married. I think it is a helpful book, but I'm glad to be done with it!
October 15, 2008
A good reminder to see things from your partner's point of view.
June 15, 2009
A very comprehensive book on how to empathize with your partner to create a more loving & harmonious union. I learned a lot from it.
March 17, 2010
Loved this one! I learned a lot and I'm excited for Lance to read it!
June 8, 2013
Short and quick read. I thought the illustrations were good and memorable and taught great points. It made me aware of what empathy is, how to develop it, and how it could benefit my marriage.
August 23, 2012
No descubre el hilo negro de las relaciones maritales, pero te da recuerda algunos conceptos básicos que son fáciles de olvidar con el tiempo y la rutina.
October 17, 2011
A good read if you don't have years of psychology studies behind you.
April 14, 2013
Great unpacking of the dynamics of empathy...lots of transferable skills to a variety of relationships.
November 20, 2008
empathy training manual
September 19, 2012
A very good book well written with a lot of insight. I recommend it.
August 6, 2014
Three stars for the book itself. It gets an additional star for the extra materials and resources.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews