Comment j'ai appris à voler

by Kathryn Holmes

Sam rêve depuis toujours d'être une ballerine professionnelle. Mais c'était avant que son corps ne s'en mêle, à s'arrondir à des endroits inappropriés... Bientôt, la jeune fille qui la regarde dans le miroir devient une étrangère.
Après une série d'attaques de panique, sa mère – qui ne fait qu'accentuer ses complexes – décide de l'envoyer dans un centre de traitement pour jeunes filles rencontrant des problèmes d'acceptation de soi. Obligée de se livrer devant de parfaits étrangers, Sam n'a plus le choix. Si elle veut participer au ballet dont elle rêve tant depuis des mois, elle doit aller jusqu'au bout du programme. Elle trouve du réconfort auprès du bel Andrew, l'un des animateurs, et apprend peu à peu à dompter ses démons.
Mais alors que les désillusions et les trahisons s'enchaînent, Sam trouvera-t-elle la force d'accomplir ses rêves ?

Genres: Young Adult, Contemporary, Mental Health, Romance, Fiction, Realistic Fiction, Mental Illness

360 pages, Paperback

First published June 14, 2016

About the author

Kathryn Holmes is the author of The Thirteenth Circle, co-written with MarcyKate Connolly, as well as the Class Critters chapter book series (Tally Tuttle Turns Into a Turtle, David Dixon’s Day as a Dachshund, and Madison Morris is NOT a Mouse!). She also wrote the young adult novels The Distance Between Lost and Found and How It Feels to Fly.

Kathryn grew up in Maryville, Tennessee, and now lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her husband, daughter, and piles upon piles of books. A graduate of The New School’s MFA in Creative Writing program, Kathryn works as a freelance dance journalist, among other writing gigs.

Reviews

[Emily May · Rating 4 out of 5]

If the past few months have taught me anything, it’s how to ignore the eyes. How to pretend they don’t hurt.

I think Kathryn Holmes is a really underrated author of Contemporary YA. Her debut - The Distance Between Lost and Found - impressed me a lot with its balance of teen social issues and a "lost in the woods" survival story. How It Feels to Fly is very different, but still packs an emotional punch.

Despite what the blurb tells us, this book has very little to do with ballet dancing. Yes, the protagonist is a ballet dancer, but the story is not so much about ballet itself - instead, the dance world offers a grueling arena in which Samantha's image and body issues surface. She is sent to a Summer camp for performers where she undergoes therapy and meets many different people dealing with their own issues.

Sam's inner struggle is told extremely well. It's not really an eating disorder book; in fact, Sam loves food and must constantly battle against her desire to indulge. There's a cruel voice in her head, admonishing her for her food choices, and the real voice of her overbearing mother who wants her daughter to live out the dream she never had the chance to.

Anyone who has ever disliked what they see in the mirror will probably relate to Sam on some level. The author writes her spells of anxiety in a very believable way. I even felt a little breathless and scared from my own viewpoint inside Sam's mind.

There is a kind of "romance", but I use that term loosely here. Things do not play out like you would expect, and there's a sad honesty to this relationship that makes it more about growing up and changing, than about wanting two people to be together. Which was way more effective, in my opinion.

With emotional sensitivity and diverse characters, How It Feels to Fly is a really strong addition to 2016 Contemporary YA.

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[Melissa ♥ Dog/Wolf Lover ♥ Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Samantha gets sent to a camp called, Perform at Your Peak. This is a camp for any type artist or athletes that are having problems with anxiety.

All Sam wants to be is a ballerina, but when she starts getting snickered at and being told by her teachers and mom she needs to lose weight, it brings on the panic attacks.





I felt really bad for all of the teens in this camp because the stress put on them by their parents are worse than what I call bullies.

1. Sam - the ballerina
2. Katie - the gymnast
3. Zoe - the tennis player
4. Jenna - the ice skater
5. Omar - the theater kid
6. Dominic - the football player

All of these kids are going through their own kind of hell. And at first it seems like they are a group that will never be able to communicate with each other, let alone be friends. But, with the help of Dr. Lancaster, the college students, Andrew and Yasmin, they just might find what they are looking for. . . maybe just a little bit.

I very much enjoyed these characters. At first I didn't like Zoe, but once you find out her issues and get to know her, you realize you can't just judge a book by it's cover. I grew to love her character as time went on.

Sam is the main character on the book, focusing on her body image and panic attacks. But the other characters are very present in the book and we learn about each child's issues. I loved all of the girls most of all because they slowly formed bonds. I still loved Dominique and Omar as well but the girls were closer together.

There are moments of Sam crushing on Andrew the counselor but that doesn't lead to anything as it's not supposed to. Just some embarrassing moments for Sam.

Because I have these same disorders plus a few others, I always enjoy reading a book that have these types of things in them. I like to see different views and if they get it right.

Things change for each of the characters in the books. Maybe not the way they saw them change but they do change and they are all for the better. I also loved how they all remained in touch with each other after the camp. I would love that with some peeps like me and my issues.

Zoe, Jenna, Katie, Dominic and Omar, and I have had an ongoing email chain since everyone got home from Perform at Your Peak. Somewhere in the middle of the thread, we came up with our Crazy Camp nicknames. Zoe named herself Thelma after our Thelma and Louise-style road trip. I'm Barbs, since I'm coming to grips with maybe not being a ballerina after all. Jenna is Kwan, since she got Zoe to admit that striving to be like one of the greatest female figure skaters of all time wasn't really a bad thing. Katie is Bear, after Mr. Bear, her good-luck charm--and because it's funny to give the toughest name to the tiniest, bubbliest person. Omar is Bruno, thanks to that Bruno Mars hat he bought at the general store, and Dominic is Chunks, not only because he once threw up on the fifty-yard line but also because he's the opposite of chunky.

Sam wasn't at the last bit of camp and didn't get to set her balloon free with the other kids so she did it herself and took a picture of it. I think I want to set off a whole set of balloons with my sayings on them.

Next to the collage, there's a photo of a tiny red balloon, barely a pinprick in the vast blue sky. Since I missed the last day at Perform at Your Peak, I had to release it on my own. I tied a piece of paper with the words "Take the leap" to its tail and let go. Feeling the string slip past my fingertips was like exhaling for the first time.



Fin . . .

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[Sarah Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Source: I received a digital copy of this book for free on a read-to-review basis. Thanks to HarperCollins and Edelweiss.)

“So you think I can’t be a ballet dancer. It’s because of how I look, isn’t it?”

This was a YA story about a ballerina with weight issues.

Sam was obviously going through tough times in this story, and her panic attacks felt really real. I liked the way that she came across as vulnerable, and the way she ran off and hid when things got really bad, as that seemed like a fairly realistic reaction to the things she was going through.

The storyline in this was about Sam going to a camp where she was supposed to learn coping strategies, and also about her problems with her body, and how low she felt because she had gained weight and didn’t have a ballerina’s physique any more. Sam also had issues with her mother pushing her too much, and her boyfriend dumping her.
There was a little bit of romance in this, but it was a bit one sided.

The ending to this was pretty good, and I was pleased with the way things worked out for Sam, even if they didn’t work out in quite the way she expected them to.



7.5 out of 10

[Elle (ellexamines on TT & Substack) · Rating 4 out of 5]

How It Feels To Fly is a thoughtful, emotional story about growing up and losing what you love.

This is yet another emotional contemporary story held up mostly by the stellar character work and message. The main character, Sam, is one of the most realistic, developed characters I've read in contemporary YA. Holmes incorporates both a sympathetic portrayal of anxiety and a sympathetic portrayal of having issues around food. All the side characters are equally as developed, with believable motives. All the character work here contributes beautifully to the emotional journey of this book.

As someone who does dance myself, Holmes hasn't exaggerated the dance world's emphasis on body appearance much here. I'm someone who's considered fairly skinny in the real world, but overweight in the dance world. It was great reading a book about a girl who feels the same way, as so many ballet books are about the elites.

My one issue is fairly minor: the romantic subplot, if you can call it that. While it was resolved well and ultimately contributed to Sam's narrative, I question the need for so much emphasis on Andrew in the first half of this book. He seemed practically irrelevant to the book as a whole towards the end - I almost feel as if this was just an attempt to market the book to a wider audience.

VERDICT: This is one of the most emotionally real contemporary novels I've read. Can't recommend enough.

[Kim at Divergent Gryffindor · Rating 5 out of 5]

EDIT: I also made a little bookmark thingy based on the cover ;)


Actual rating: 4.5 stars

How It Feels to Fly is one of those books where you don't realize how good it is until you're finished reading the whole thing. I remember when I was reading, I kept waiting for that one amazing moment to make me love the book, but that didn't happen. What happened was a flash of realization when I closed the book - about how much I can relate to everything and everyone, how much I learned, and how true to life this book is.

Honestly, this wasn't what I was expecting because I thought there'd be more romance, but after closing the book, I realized that the lack of romance contributed to why I like the book so much. The main character, Samantha, took a journey of self-discovery and recovery from anxiety with the help of everyone in the camp, but it wasn’t because of romance that she healed. And I really liked that because these days, romance is usually what makes people magically better in YA.

I love how the friendships blossomed in this novel because of how they were at first. In the beginning, they were all judging each other, just as we all judge people at first glance. However, as the days progressed, these characters showed that people have so much in common but are just afraid to admit to some it, which is why we never discover how similar our struggles are to each other. I love how they supported each other, even though each one has a different personality.

After reading this book, I felt a sense of fulfillment because I felt like I took the journey with the main character. I know what it’s like to be so anxious all the time, and I felt like the book really helped me too. I also like how this book showed that the journey to recovery is very messy, because that’s how life is. And in the end, I like that she wasn’t just magically completely okay, but she’s on the way there.

I can relate to Sam in the end - how she was sad that she wouldn’t be able to see Andrew anymore. I think she knows that the romance part is not going to happen, but she’s just sad that she won’t be able to see the one who helped her so much anymore. I had a friend once who helped me so much but not in an outright way. We don’t talk anymore, and it’s just sad that I wasn’t able to thank that person for the changes brought into my life, or how that person won’t be able to see how much I have grown because of the help that person gave me. It’s just sad, but I guess that’s just life. So I totally know how Sam feels, and I feel bad for her.

How It Feels to Fly is an amazing book. It’s very meaningful and eye-opening. I definitely recommend everyone to read this!

[Aditi · Rating 4 out of 5]

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”

----Amit Ray


Kathryn Holmes, an American author, pens a heart touching and extremely enlightening YA contemporary fiction novel, How It Feels to Fly that tells the story of a young, aspiring and really dedicated female ballet dancer who faces image as well as body issues when her body starts to develop curves that is a strict rule against someone who is going to perform ballet professionally, and that depresses her, not to mention, her mother's constant obsession does not help her a bit, instead she is sent away to a summer therapy camp, where she gradually stops believing in herself and her body and also fears to lose her only dream of being a ballerina.

Synopsis:

A struggle with body dysmorphia forces one girl to decide if letting go of her insecurity also means turning her back on her dreams.

Sam has always known she’d be a professional dancer—but that was before her body betrayed her, developing unmanageable curves in all the wrong places. Lately, the girl staring back at Sam in the mirror is unrecognizable. Dieting doesn’t work, ignoring the whispers is pointless, and her overbearing mother just makes it worse.

Following a series of crippling anxiety attacks, Sam is sent to a treatment camp for teens struggling with mental and emotional obstacles. Forced to open up to complete strangers, Sam must get through the program if she wants to attend a crucial ballet intensive later in the summer. It seems hopeless until she starts confiding in a camp counselor who sparks a confidence she was sure she’d never feel again. But when she’s faced with disappointing setbacks, will Sam succumb to the insecurity that imprisons her?

This compelling story from Kathryn Holmes examines one girl’s efforts to overcome her worst enemy: herself.


Samantha, a young teenager, is a wonderful and really talented ballet dancer, but things begin to change gradually, as Sam's mind tells her to indulge into delicious delicacies, meaning food. And so her body starts to grow in curves and meaty things which are strictly against the rule of professional ballet dancing, where maintaining a slim figure is very much necessary. So Sam's tyrannical mother decides to send her daughter away to a Summer Camp where she will overcome her body and emotionally depressing issues and thoughts that are stopping her from performing ballet, moreover, in a place like this, Sam will meet more teenagers and performers who are facing the same issue. And eventually, she learns to embrace herself the way she is, mostly with the help and kind words of the counselor on whom Sam develops a crush on, but that threatens to take away her dream of being a ballet dancer, and Sam really needs to make up her mind on what she really wants and also how much she wants to escape this sad place.

The author captures an extremely sensitive issue that today's teenagers face a lot and because of which they are bullied among their peer groups, thereby finally pushing to the dark reality of depression. Yes, therapy and counselling solves the issue, but the process to solve it, is to understand as well as find the inner self of that individual and that's a really tough process, because that would have to make the teenager believe in himself/herself and this what the author has strongly projected through this story that the readers not only find it believable but will also find it helpful and enlightening. The readers will precept this message strikingly and powerfully.

The author's writing is emphatic and the readers will find it easy to comprehend with the way of story telling by the author. The narrative is free flowing and the author has vividly captured the voice of an insecure teenager that will often make the readers contemplate as well as come closer to the honesty and the pain in Sam's depression. The pacing is perfect, meaning quite fast paced, as the readers will lose themselves in the flow of the story that winds up through multi layers.

The characters from the book are quite well developed although at times some of the characters apart from the protagonist, lacks a bit of depth from their demeanor. The main character, Sam, is very much real and genuine character, whose troubles are very well projected that will make the readers sympathize as well as root for her till the very end. There is almost no romance in the plot, but there's a special bonding between Sam and the counselor that will make the readers' hearts move for their challenges and struggles in their relationship.

In a nutshell, this is an evocative YA contemporary fiction that is must read for all those who have a body as well as image issue.

Verdict: Highly compelling and deeply moving story.

Courtesy: Thanks to the publishers for giving me an opportunity to read and review this book.

[Drew · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Ballet was my safest space. Then my body changed. I got curvy, and I got self-conscious. I couldn’t stop thinking about everyone looking at me—what they were seeing.”

This was a great look at an issue that is sadly common: negative body image. So many women and young girls are plagued by this, and I can tell you from personal experience that it's such a sad place to be.

Okay, time to get serious: When I was thirteen my body changed, and like Sam, I wasn't prepared for it. Rather than accepting my new curves, I saw myself as "fat." For three years my mind was a dark place; my negative view of my body weighed down other things in my life, such as my happiness. I was incredibly self conscious in front of others, constantly tried new diets, and was really depressed.

Sam is a ballerina who is under the incredible pressure to look a certain way: slim and lanky, something curvy Sam is not. She is unhappy with her body and her nasty inside voice tells her she's fat, even when she totally isn't. Sam has trouble eating in front of others and hates being stared at; she won't eat something as small as a Hershey's Kiss because she thinks it has too many calories.

The plot follows Sam as she is sent to a therapy camp where she meets other teens who have anxiety issues. It was so heartbreaking to read about the characters' individual struggles, but this just made me cheer them on even harder when they made breakthroughs by conquering their problems.

I liked that the brief "romance" between Sam and her counselor, Andrew, was properly addressed and not portrayed as a positive thing. Relying on someone to fuel her self esteem was dangerous, and Holmes showed that Sam didn't need Andrew to feel better about herself, but accomplished it on her own.

I think so many readers will get where Sam's coming from. I feel like most of us, especially females, have been in her shoes at some point. It was an emotional, powerful, and mentally exhausting journey for Sam, and I felt her struggles every step of the way.

“What’s more important: what your body looks like, or what it can do?”

I think How It Feels to Fly might help those who are going through something similar to Sam, as it offers lots of psychological tips. Sam's mental illness was taken seriously, just as much as if she were physically wounded. Easily readable, it hit so close to home.

[aimee (aimeecanread) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Although I personally didn't enjoy this one, I think it'll be a good read for others, especially those who have/are experiencing anxiety. I've listed three relatable themes from the book in my When in Manila review! Apart from that, though, here's the gist of what I thought:

WHAT I LIKED
1. The author describes anxiety realistically.
2. We have a heroine who is absolutely passionate... about ballet, which I think is beautiful.

WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE
1. The "romance", which is really only romance to some extent, (You'll get this when you read the book) really got on my nerves.
2. The characters were cheesy AF. They felt like characters from an overly-dramatic play, as opposed to a realistic fiction novel.
3. The ending was just too abrupt and unrealistic.

[Chelsea · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Ballet was my safest space. Then my body changed. I got curvy, I got self-conscious. I couldn’t stop thinking about everyone looking at me—what they were seeing. When the comments started coming—both painfully kind and sweetly cruel—I heard them echo inside my head. Before long, my nasty inner voice had more to say about me, and worse, than anyone else ever could.
You’re fat. You’re weak. You’re worthless.”

I liked this quite a bit more than I expected to. I still thought this dragged a bit and had some technical issues, but this is still a strong novel about mental health. 3 ½ stars

This story follows Sam, a teenage girl who is heavily pursuing ballet. Sam enters a therapy summer camp hoping to tackle her panic attacks, but the story also focuses on Sam’s body dysmorphia and the relationships she develops with those in the camp.

“I know that I love ballet...I just don’t know if ballet loves me back.”

Let’s start with the good stuff. This is an authentic feeling character story. Sam is relatable and easy to empathise with. The writing is nothing to swoon over, but it was perfectly fine for this story.

There wasn’t much of a plot and it could get cheesy in some parts. It felt a bit long despite it’s length being around 350 pages. I wish the story had taken a little more time to allow us to see Sam’s home life rather than thrusting us into therapy camp immediately.

“Why do I continue to love something that gives me panic attacks? That makes me despise almost every inch of myself? And if I can start to accept my current body and how it will change my future, like Dr. Lancaster wants me to—a huge “if”—will I still love ballet just as much? Or will it become this thing I used to do?”

While I think there was certainly room for improvement, this is another solid mental health young adult novel, and it makes me so happy to see so many well done books focusing on these subjects. Recommended for contemporary fans looking for a contemp that incorporates tough subjects.

[ReadWriteLove28 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Important note- there are a lot of themes in How It Feels to Fly that can be triggers. If self harm, eating disorders, or extreme anxiety are triggers for you, do not read this book.

With that being said, HOW IT FEELS TO FLY is a book that I think is extremely important. Personally, I related to the main character, Samantha, more than I care to admit (but more on that later). But, even if you don’t suffer from anxiety, you should read HOW IT FEELS TO FLY because it allows you to step into the shoes of someone who does. You can never replicate the same feeling, but at least you can learn a little bit about the emotions and the thoughts that come with the experience.

Anxiety. The constant fear of…something. Anything. It changes for everyone. It can happen to anyone.

Panic attacks. A moment in time where your anxiety overwhelms you, to the point that…well, it’s different for everyone. Some people can’t breathe. Some people feel like their chest is going to explode.

Samantha suffers from extreme anxiety and panic attacks, and eventually goes to a treatment camp in the summer that’s supposed to help her get over it. After all, she wants to be a professional ballerina- she can’t let something silly like anxiety or panic attacks stop her. That would be ridiculous. *PLEASE NOTE THAT WAS SARCASM*

If it was that easy to treat/get rid of/deal with, Samantha, and lots of other people would be very happy campers. But, unfortunately, it’s not easy to treat. It’s not something that will go away when you snap your fingers. It’s a part of you that will never truly disappear. But, there are ways to help.

While HOW IT FEELS TO FLY focuses on Samantha and her journey to believing in herself, she isn’t the only character. All of the campers face different emotional issues that caused them to go to the camp, and reading about all of their different experiences was eye opening for me.

I highly highly highly recommend this book and give it 5/5stars. It was incredible from start to finish.

[Tee loves Kyle Jacobson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing just simply amazing! I have never read a book that has taken on an issues straight on that impacts teen girls everyday in every walk of life. I have a close family member who has body dysmorphia and I have to say that everyday is a struggle for her and no matter what people tell her she always thinks the worse of herself. As I was reading about Sam I thought about my family member and was shocked by what she could be feeling and thinking. I have to say that this book was such an eye opener for me I recommend it to every teenage girl who is going through this.

Sam wants to be a ballerina. She knows that being a professional ballerina is going to be competitive but she never thought she would be competing with herself. See Sam's body is betraying her and she sees herself different than what others see her. She has such anxiety when she is dancing because she wants to be perfect and thinks she is not. Her mother is no support for her and she has a boyfriend who dumps her for a crazy reason.

Then Sam goes to a specialty camp for kids who have mental and emotional issues and meets a camp counselor who helps her see herself for who she really is. It is here at the camp Sam uncovers why she sees herself they way she does and what she needs to do to help herself out. This is a must must read story for all teenage girls.

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

IM VERY EMOTIONAL RN

[alexandra · Rating 1 out of 5]

i connected and related to the characters/situation so much, it's actually uncanny. most ballet books i read make the world seem much harsher and the situations unrealistic, but HOW IT FEELS TO FLY was not the case. i could imagine someone i know struggling through these problems; i could imagine myself going through these problems. this book was/is ME and all the things i don't want to admit to myself (although an intensified version of me because i don't actually have anxiety, but reading this book sure made me feel like it). for once, this is a ballet book that shows an accurate and true representation of some of our struggles and it is SO IMPORTANT to me.

// full review to come! //

[Shannon Miz · Rating 4 out of 5]

You can find the full review and all the fancy and/or randomness that accompanies it at It Starts at Midnight
4.5*

In How it Feels to Fly, we meet Sam. Sam is a dancer. At first glance, I assumed I'd never relate to Sam, because I am about the least coordinated person in ever. But oh, how wrong I was. See, as a swimmer with a non-swimmer body, I totally related to Sam. As a person who didn't feel comfortable in her own skin I related to Sam, and in about a billion other ways, I related to Sam. 

"'I'm angry at my brain for not being able to handle, like, life,' I finally spit out. 'For screwing up everything I care about. I am so, so mad at myself.'"

The thing is, Sam is a relatable character. You may not have the exact issues that she has, but you still cannot help but root for her, and want to understand her more. And all the characters at the camp were quite unique voices. They all had something different that first brought them to the camp, but they all had something to offer each other, which was nice.

I liked the focus on therapeutic situations. Not just actual therapy, but the whole tone of the camp in terms of trying to work through the fears and such were really great. There were fun moments in the book too, which balanced out some of the tougher ones. Sam is so, so hard on herself, and those moments lightened the tone, but in an appropriate way, not in an irreverent one.

"Jenna blinks at me. 'I'm sorry, did you just make a Nancy Kerrigan joke?' 'Too soon?'"

Sam's mom was a huge obstacle to her recovery. Not because she didn't care about Sam; she did. It was more that she had no idea how to be supportive in a non-judgmental way. And she was kind of too wrapped up in her own wants to realize the toll it was taking on Sam. Their relationship was a huge focus in the book, as it should have been.

This is not a romance-centered book, and that's really all I plan to say about that part of it. And I think that is actually a huge strength in this book, because inserting a big love story would have taken away from Sam's story and journey.

The only mild issue I had with the book came toward the end, so spoiler tags for everyone! Sam's mom just came around too easily. Not that it was complete rainbows and unicorns, but from experience, people don't change that quickly- certainly people as headstrong as Sam's mom. But overall, it was most definitely a huge, huge win.

Bottom Line: Je l’adore, clearly. Not only was it spot on in terms of mental health portrayal, it was a damn good story to boot.

*Copy provided by publisher for review
**Quotes taken from uncorrected proof, subject to change

[PinkAmy loves books, cats and naps · Rating 2 out of 5]

GRADE: D-

TWO WORDS: INACCURATE TREATMENT

I'm a psychologist and when I read inaccurate portrayals of mental illness and/or treatment, I feel frustrated. I came so close to giving HOW IF FEELS TO FLY one star, but there were some redeeming factors.

POSITIVES:
-fairly accurate portrayal of anxiety
-some realistic consequences
-pleasant writing
-interesting characters

NEGATIVES:
-creepy/flirty camp "counselor"
-no such program would exist in that format (a psychologist bunking with 6 clients and 2 camp graduates think they're junior therapists where patients run amok a la the movie Girl Interrupted)
-Insta-dramatic-breakthrough (queue the background music)
-breaking into doctors offices
-car stealing
-corny ending

Kathryn Holmes means well. She wanted to tell a story about recovery from anxiety and very real body image issues that plague so many teenagers. Like many girls, Samantha hates her changing body, especially since she no longer looks like the long, lean ballerina she did before adolescence. She flirts with eating disorder behaviors and has many of the thoughts, her body image appears to be distorted, but not enough for a Body Dysmorphic Disorder diagnosis. A lot of teens suffer from sub clinical issues. In Sam's case, they cause non-traditional anxiety attacks. I like that Holmes focused on this population. Some of the activities she used might be used in a therapy program.

I have no idea why Holmes chose to go with Andy, the inappropriate program-graduate-who-thought-he-was-a-therapist or to (badly) throw around the concept of transference. I know writers often think they need romance in every YA book, but love doesn't cure mental illness, it often makes recovery more complicated. If Holmes needed love, she could have used one of the other campers more easily.

THEMES: anxiety, mental health, recovery, ballet, friendship

Teens with body image issues might enjoy HOW IT FEELS TO FLY and there's nothing harmful that should worry parents or therapists.

[Trisha · Rating 3 out of 5]

Summer camps are the best - challenging you to try new things and shoving you into a group of strangers for a week or more. But a summer camp for kids who are struggling - having eating issues or sleeping issues, anxiety and anger. It's a camp that Samantha, Sam for short, feels she needs to find the break through so she can get thinner. She's a ballet dancer - it's all she's ever wanted. And the last year or two, her body has been changing and she just can't seem to lose the weight.

But this summer camp just may make Sam realize - losing weight may not actually be the problem she needs to work on.

It was an interesting read. I didn't love it but it held my interest and the characters were complex with their individual struggles. I was glad it wasn't just a camp of dancers and I like that the camper vs counselor issue got addressed.

[Laurence R. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book! I think performance anxiety is something that we should talk about more and this book is basically all about it, which I was really happy about. I liked the characters and I think that the story developped pretty well.

[Andrew · Rating 4 out of 5]

My rating feels somewhere between 4 stars and 4.5. This was a really sweet book!

Samantha feels betrayed by her body's figure; everyone around her seems to subtly remind her of her weight, her shape, and how it's not the "right form" for classical ballet dancers to have. Her mother is always getting on her about diets, and other dancers at her studio hand out fake-nice comments in a way that's supposed to sound helpful, but hurts Samantha. After Samantha has a panic attack in front of everyone at her studio, her teacher and her mother send her to Perform at Your Peak, a summer camp for athletic teens with anxiety over their sport.

There are six kids in total at Perform at Your Peak; Jenna, an ice skater; Katie, a gymnast; Omar, an actor; Dominic, a football player; Zoe, a (wannabe-former) tennis player; and of course, Samantha, the ballerina. Each one has their own battle with anxiety to conquer over their sport or activity, and though they all seem uncomfortable and awkward with eachother at first, they soon begin to bond, understand, and help eachother overcome their conflicts together.

Ballerinas developing an eating disorder is not unheard of, since the requirements in professional settings seem to be very strict about shape and body. Samantha (in my eyes) doesn't seem to have an eating disorder, but had she not gone to the camp, it's entirely possible that it could have ascended to another level. No one in her everyday life makes her feel supported, and it doesn't take long for her to wonder if everything anybody says to her has to do with her weight. She laments over her body and wishes that it wasn't standing in the way of her dream, to be a professional ballerina. While at camp, she struggles to learn that her body isn't fat, that she is beautiful, she is strong, she is capable, and above all, incredibly talented. There is nothing wrong or shameful about her body, and it shouldn't matter that her shape isn't an "ideal" shape for a ballerina to have; it's her passion, she loves it with her whole heart, and that's what matters.

This book also touches quite a bit on the topic of the pressure and drive that it's possible to feel at any age, but especially as a teenager; you really want to please your parents, and you really want them to be proud of you. Samantha struggles with that, with her mom's subtle nagging on her weight, what she eats, her exercises, and the amount of time she dedicates to doing those exercises. A camp counselor, Andrew, also talks about how he's a former football star, but it wasn't really his dream; it was his father's and his coach's. Just because you're good at something doesn't necessarily mean it's your passion or what you're meant for, and it's really hard to be brave and tell your parents and/or role models that something just isn't for you, no matter how good or bad you might be at it. I feel like this book really emphasizes that you need to pursue your own interests and dreams, and not your parents' or coach/teacher's.

All in all, How it Feels to Fly is an inspiring book about overcoming your fears, recovery, and following your dreams. It also shows that recovery is not easy, and it can be a bumpy ride to acceptance and success. It's a really important message, and I would highly recommend to anyone who loves a good contemporary!

[Lea (drumsofautumn) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn’t think I’d relate to this SO much. An incredibly personal, hard-hitting read, that I’ll cherish for years to come. I don’t think I’ll write a review for it because I had such an intensely subjective experience with this and I honestly wouldn’t even know how to talk about it.

Trigger and content warnings for anxiety, panic attacks, eating disorders, bulimia specifically but not only, self-harm and a lot of mentions of different mental illness symptoms.

[Rhea · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are certain categories of books that take you by surprise.  You read them, you connect with them, you understand them, but only after you have closed those books do you realise how much they’re going to affect you, and how you’re never quite going to forget about them.  Those are the books of your heart, and How It Feels To Fly was one of those for me.

The story begins in a camp for teenage artists and athletes, where like Samantha, other teens who struggle, both physically and mentally, try to make progress in terms of how they think about their bodies, and what they feel about themselves.  How It Feels To Fly is the story of Samantha, as she learns to love herself again.  Sam learns how to deal with her anxiety, her eating issues, and most importantly, realises that friendships can go a long way in healing just about anything.

Samantha was a character I rooted for from the beginning.  Her inner monologue is toxic—she’s in a constant state of battle with her mind about everything she does—and that makes the book difficult to read.  But what’s interesting is that Sam has learnt to fight everything that comes her way with a smile on her face.  No matter what she feels inside of her, all the reader sees is her determination to show nothing on the surface.  It was heart-breaking, just as it endeared her to me all the more.  I learnt to respect her struggle and found myself cheering for every little piece of progress she made.

>The other kids at camp were an integral part of the story, and I loved seeing the progress they made as well.  It was very easy to connect with them, and watching them change in their small ways because of the camp was so good!  Sam was surprisingly brilliant with them, helping them get over their fears, and being the adorable older sister to particular camper.  Sam’s sessions with Dr Lancaster, the woman who ran the camp, were also so well done!  It was a refreshing read in terms of how mental health issues were dealt with, but How It Feels To Fly was also a kind of read that makes you question what exactly you know about other peoples’ struggles.

I loved the writing in the book.  It was to the point and evocative, and it painted a clear picture of everything that the characters were going through.  There were no secrets or layers or mystery, just sharp, smart writing, and I adored it all the more for it.  If you are a fan of books like Tumbling and Tiny Pretty Things, How It Feels To Fly may just be the read for you!



I received this book as a part of my YASH 2016 prize!  Thank you so much, Kathryn :)

[Brooke · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a fantastic read. I canNOT say enough good things. It was funny and heart wrenching—full of uniquely diverse characters, a relevant subject matter and just brilliant narrative—How it Feels to Fly is a MUST READ.

I adored Sam. I saw so much of myself in her, her inner voice is so spot on to my every day that I couldn’t even you guys. I. COULD. NOT. EVEN. I told my fiancé at one point while I was reading, “Sam is me.” Struggling with anxiety AND body image issues is…so incredible tough. Each, on their own, is hard but together? Sam seriously is one of the strongest characters I’ve ever read about. She handled all of her ups and downs with so much grace—even if she didn’t feel like she was—she was.

I loved the fact that How it Feels to Fly took place at Perform At Your Peak, a camp that teaches how to calm anxious feelings. Perform At Your Peak helps Sam deal with her anxiety by teaching her breathing techniques, channeling her feelings into arts and crafts, journaling and simply talking to someone.

All the characters in this book was incredible as well. Special shout out to my girl Zoe for being such a pain in the BUTT but ending up being one of my favsies.

Then there are the dashes of sweet moments between Sam and Andrew that were so gratifying. I fell for Andrew just as Sam did. I don’t want to spoil anything but THANK YOU KATHRYN. What happens between Andrew and Sam was PURE GOLD. So NOT what I was expecting and I freaking LOVED that.

Also, how gorgeous is that cover? I love it even more because of what it represents in terms of the book.

GAH! This book was everything to me. How it Feels to Fly is an INCREDIBLE debut and an absolutely canNOT be missed!

[Justin Turczak · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have anxiety or even depression. Self doubt or just intense in sports. Or even if your in a good mood type person like my self key word usually. But I loved it and feel this book doesn't go over to much trying shove down that your a wreck and such. And this book is diffrent than most since it's a contempory as well but I won't go into it so don't spoil. But everyone Atleast once should read this book

[Krithika Sundar · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars!!!

"If the past few months have taught me anything, it’s how to ignore the eyes. How to pretend they don’t hurt."

SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND!!!

I am beyond happy to have read this book. I'm going through a really tough time now in life. I feel rejected and heavy hearted. Life is basically a mess for me right now and getting through each day is like a mammoth task. And I found this realistic book. I'm not any better now but I love so many lines of this book. They're like a guide for me. To get over each situation/hardship.

I'm going to be really honest here. I loved the character of Samantha. She was not a typical leading character. She had faults, she made mistakes , I feel for her. Cried for her and got everything she went through because I've been there. Still going through all that.

The story starts with Samantha in a place called Perform at Your Peak. It's basically a place for fallen athletes or those that are dealing with anxiety in a particular field. Sam is a ballerina dealing with weight issues. Her perfect ballet body is gone due to an extra 14 pounds she puts on. From the start we see her inner voice always nagging at her, pulling her down and to make matters worse her mother who is her best and worst critique. Always ready to pounce on her.

Sam meets people at the centre and hoe they navigate their problems make the story. I loved all the characters. They felt real. I can see people like this in real life. Honestly. And they went and have issues just like us. Andrew was my favorite. He is so different from everyone. I loved Zoe too. She has so much zest and the story is so original.

"Caring about something can make you do things you shouldn’t.”

I loved the therapy sessions Sam shares with Mrs. Lancaster. Some may think it's so common but if you really read close you can see that advice she gives can be used by us.

"It’s just that it’s hard to win when you’re fighting yourself"

I'm really going through a bad time. I feel anxious always. I have a difficult time loving myself and being normal. I'm always feeling bad for something or the other. And i could relate to Sam and some lines in the book moved me.

"But that’s my point. I don’t think hurting yourself to get what you want is brave. I think it’s braver not to take that route.”

The great thing I learned from this book is that we have to love our self more then anyone else because if we're in a bad place no one is going to pick us up except yourself. It's you that has to get up and face each day. So self love is so important and So is asking help when you need it the most.

[Francesca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Un très bon YA qui traite de sujets psychologiques pas faciles. J'aimerais bien avoir des nouvelles des autres pensionnaires.

[Nicolette · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Kimmy · Rating 5 out of 5]

......damn I loved this

[Jenna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This review also appears on my blog, Reading with Jenna.

How it Feels to Fly is a beautiful coming-of-age, mental health story about overcoming anxiety and other barriers to become the person you want to be. It deals with body image, self-confidence and other anxieties that performers may suffer from.

This was such a relatable story. Our main character, Sam, is a ballerina and wants nothing more than to be a professional dancer. However, in recent years, she’s developed curves and her body is no longer the ideal body of a ballet dancer. This has led her to develop body dysmorphia and she’s unable to stop her inner voice that’s telling her she’s fat and unworthy. She finds herself at a summer therapy camp for performers, where she meets 5 other teens dealing with various anxiety issues. What I enjoyed most about this book was that it wasn’t only about Sam’s problems. The book also dealt with the issues that the other campers had and focused on their treatment and development throughout the book too. And because of the variety of anxiety issues that were explored, it’s impossible not to relate or feel connected to the book because we would have all experienced some of the same uncertainties or anxieties at some point in our lives. I also really liked that the book wasn’t about ballet. It was about Sam’s insecurities and the mental struggles she was having, rather than about ballet or the ballet world itself. The book was set almost entirely at the therapy camp and I loved that about it.

I thought the way Sam’s anxiety and body image issues were represented was very realistic. I felt extremely uneasy at times because her negative thoughts and the way she saw herself was very relatable and believable. Body dissatisfaction is probably something that everybody has dealt with at some point, including me, and it was so upsetting to see Sam taking it so hard and working so hard to get the perfect body. I thought her character development was wonderful and the progress she made was so heartwarming and inspiring. I didn’t always love her as a character but I really enjoyed and appreciated the journey that she took. The author has done a magnificent job at thoroughly addressing all of the issues and factors involved in Sam’s anxiety. I did, however, think that the problems she had with her mother were resolved a little bit too quickly at the end and I wanted it to be a bigger focus of the book.

There were a lot of great side characters in How it Feels to Fly. Even though I didn’t always like Sam’s character, there was always somebody else to latch on to and that made it a very enjoyable reading experience. The relationships between them were also great and there was just such a wonderful group dynamic. The only relationship that I didn’t like was the romance (if you can call it that) in the book between Sam and Andrew. The relationship between them made me feel uncomfortable from the very beginning and it started to go in a slightly “love cures all” direction. I really did not like the idea that you need a guy to tell you that you’re beautiful in order to believe it, and I felt that the book started to go in that direction a little bit. But I really appreciated that the author actually addressed this later in the book and made Sam’s development and progress about herself, rather than Andrew or any other guy.

Overall, I think this was a really emotional and powerful read that a lot of young adults would get a lot out of. There were a couple of things that I thought could have been delved into a little bit further and developed more. But as a whole, I thought it was a wonderful story with lots of relatable characters and issues.

[maha · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars.
this book is SO important. everyone needs to read it. i loved it.

[Liralen · Rating 3 out of 5]

In a minor twist on the 'teen with problems sent to residential treatment' setup, Samantha, an aspiring ballerina, has been sent to a treatment programme designed specifically for teen athletes and performers with debilitating anxiety. In Sam's case, that anxiety comes from a pretty specific place: she can make her body moves the way she needs it to, but she can't make her build into the Balanchine-standard ballerina body demanded of her.

There's a lot going on here, mostly in a good way. Sam's relationship with food is definitely disordered but stops shy of a full-blown eating disorder, and it's easy to see that she might go down any number of paths—might end up much worse off than she is at the start of the book, or better; she might stick with dance, or not. The other characters' problems are reasonably varied, and some of them are more successful than other in vanquishing them. I'm not sure the diversity is working quite as well as it could, but at the very least I can appreciate the intent behind it.

I think at the end of the day I'd have preferred if this went a bit more outside the bounds of that treatment experience. Three weeks—that's a pretty short period in which to be having big epiphanies and reworking one's perspective on life, the universe, and everything; part of me wanted the programme to be only the springboard for the rest of the story. Still, there's a depth to Sam's situation that's interesting, and all around it was pretty solid.