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How to win friends and influence people
"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." From the fundamental techniques in handling people to the various ways to make them like you, this book offers insights on how to win people to your way of thinking; how to increase your ability to get things done; the ways to be a leader and change people without arousing resentment; and how to make friends quickly. A timeless bestseller, Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People has been an inspiration for many of those who are now famous and successful. With principles that stand as relevant in modern times as ever before, it continues to help people on their way to success.
Author Desription:
An American writer, lecturer, and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills, Dale Carnegie was born in 1888 in Maryville, Missouri. Public Speaking: a Practical Course for Business Men (1926) was the first collection of Carnegie's writings. It was later entitled Public Speaking and Influencing Men in Business (1932). How to Win Friends and Influence People, when published by Simon & Schuster in 1936, became an instant bestseller and was his crowning achievement. Containing practical advice on how to create success in business and personal lives, this four-part book is a tool used in Dale Carnegie Training. Carnegie served in the U.S. Army during the First World War. In 1931, his first marriage ended in divorce and in 1944, he married Dorothy Price Vanderpool. Carnegie died in 1955 aged sixty-six at his home in Forest Hills, New York, and was buried in the Belton, Cass County, Missouri, cemetery.255 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 1936
About the author
Dale Carnegie
1,801 books9,502 followersDale Carnegie was an American writer and teacher of courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills. Born into poverty on a farm in Missouri, he was the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936), a bestseller that remains popular today. He also wrote How to Stop Worrying and Start Living (1948), Lincoln the Unknown (1932), and several other books.
One of the core ideas in his books is that it is possible to change other people's behavior by changing one's behavior towards them.
One of the core ideas in his books is that it is possible to change other people's behavior by changing one's behavior towards them.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31,115 reviews
April 2, 2010
This book had a profound effect on me, however, of the negative variety. It did give me pointers on how to actually break out of my shell and "win friends" but in the long term, it did way more harm than good. Not the book per se, but my choice to follow the advice given there. The book basically tells you to be agreeable to everybody, find something to honestly like about them and compliment them on it, talk about their interests only and, practically, act like a people pleaser all the time.
It might sound like a harmless, or even attractive idea in theory, but choosing to apply it in your every day life can lead to dangerous results. Case in point: after being a smiley happy person with loads of friends for about a year, the unpleasant realization began to creep in, that by being so agreeable to everybody else, I rarely ever got my way. I also sustained friendships with people who were self-centered, so talking about their interests was all we got to do together, which drained me of my energy. The worst thing still, is that by trying to find something to like about every person, I completely disregarded their glaring faults. It didn't matter that those people did have redeeming qualities - they weren't redeeming enough! I ended up with a bunch of friends I didn't really want and, because I was so preoccupied with "winning" those friendships I missed out on the chance to form relationships with good people.
I suppose, for somebody who is a better judge of character, the principles outlined in this book *could* be of some value. But that's really just me trying to find something positive (using the "principles") in a book that I am still trying to UNlearn.
If you want to win friends, you have to do it the hard way, by being yourself and risking rejection (and daring to do some rejection of your own, as well). And if you want to influence people the only fair way to do it is through honesty. All the rest is manipulation and pretending. Do not read this book, you'll only learn how to manipulate yourself & others. Do not read it out of fear of rejection & low self-esteem, there are better ways to gain some courage in approaching people. This will harm you in the long run.
Thank you for reading this review.
It might sound like a harmless, or even attractive idea in theory, but choosing to apply it in your every day life can lead to dangerous results. Case in point: after being a smiley happy person with loads of friends for about a year, the unpleasant realization began to creep in, that by being so agreeable to everybody else, I rarely ever got my way. I also sustained friendships with people who were self-centered, so talking about their interests was all we got to do together, which drained me of my energy. The worst thing still, is that by trying to find something to like about every person, I completely disregarded their glaring faults. It didn't matter that those people did have redeeming qualities - they weren't redeeming enough! I ended up with a bunch of friends I didn't really want and, because I was so preoccupied with "winning" those friendships I missed out on the chance to form relationships with good people.
I suppose, for somebody who is a better judge of character, the principles outlined in this book *could* be of some value. But that's really just me trying to find something positive (using the "principles") in a book that I am still trying to UNlearn.
If you want to win friends, you have to do it the hard way, by being yourself and risking rejection (and daring to do some rejection of your own, as well). And if you want to influence people the only fair way to do it is through honesty. All the rest is manipulation and pretending. Do not read this book, you'll only learn how to manipulate yourself & others. Do not read it out of fear of rejection & low self-esteem, there are better ways to gain some courage in approaching people. This will harm you in the long run.
Thank you for reading this review.
April 25, 2007
Dale, saying people's names often when you're talking to them, Dale, doesn't make you popular, Dale, it makes you sound like a patronizing creep.
This book is probably really handy when you're trying to befriend kindergarteners, not as much adults. It's also aimed at salespeople and not regular humans.
This book is probably really handy when you're trying to befriend kindergarteners, not as much adults. It's also aimed at salespeople and not regular humans.
September 27, 2007
Three things about this book surprised me and I liked it a lot more than I thought I would.
One - it seemed pretty much timeless. Not much anachronism here, because language still serves the same purposes as ever, and people still want basically the same things they've always wanted. I liked the examples taken from Abe Lincoln, etc.
Two - the techniques described in the book aren't duplicitous. We all try to do what the title says, just like everyone else, whether we're admitting it to ourselves or not. Readers are repeatedly encouraged to develop genuine interest in others, be honest and ethical, and obey the golden rule.
Three - I enjoyed it (read twice back to back) and it felt easy and natural to apply some of the ideas in my life. Shortly after reading this book, I was a little bit better at communicating and a little bit happier about my interactions with others in general.
One - it seemed pretty much timeless. Not much anachronism here, because language still serves the same purposes as ever, and people still want basically the same things they've always wanted. I liked the examples taken from Abe Lincoln, etc.
Two - the techniques described in the book aren't duplicitous. We all try to do what the title says, just like everyone else, whether we're admitting it to ourselves or not. Readers are repeatedly encouraged to develop genuine interest in others, be honest and ethical, and obey the golden rule.
Three - I enjoyed it (read twice back to back) and it felt easy and natural to apply some of the ideas in my life. Shortly after reading this book, I was a little bit better at communicating and a little bit happier about my interactions with others in general.
July 8, 2025
I bought this one in 2004 from an Amsterdam bookstore and it has been laying on my bookshelves since then. It's an icon of self help books, and that was a problem because I kind of hate that genre. I decided to get rid of this one as well, but not without trying, at least, to see if there is anything of value in it. Well, I was surprised to read some sensible advice. it was charming charming in an archaic way.
So, the book wasn't total garbage. As I said above, it had some good advice about the subject of winning friends and influence people, although there was a lot of filler in order to turn his principles into a book. Some examples were really interesting, others a bit ridiculous.
One of the problems I had with the author and one I find too often in self-help books, is the condescending tone. Yeah, he is another one who tells you how smart he is and that he is the only one capable to tell you how success is achieved.
It was an interesting read, I learn some useful skills but it isn't groundbreaking anymore in my opinion.
So, the book wasn't total garbage. As I said above, it had some good advice about the subject of winning friends and influence people, although there was a lot of filler in order to turn his principles into a book. Some examples were really interesting, others a bit ridiculous.
One of the problems I had with the author and one I find too often in self-help books, is the condescending tone. Yeah, he is another one who tells you how smart he is and that he is the only one capable to tell you how success is achieved.
It was an interesting read, I learn some useful skills but it isn't groundbreaking anymore in my opinion.
October 2, 2013
This is a sad book. A book that aims to turn us into manipulating individuals who would want to achieve their means through flattery and other verbal-mental tricks. Even technically, it seems to me that the ploys' in this book would never really work.
Here is a quote from the book -
“Don't be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”
And what does the book do? It tries, or at least pretends to turn you into a someone who would flatter everything that moves – so that you get - WHAT YOU WANT.
Most of us read so that we are inspired, moved, even shocked or atleast entertained by stories. We also read so that we understand better and stretch the possibilities of our minds and hearts, to be better human beings. We definitely do not read to become conniving ugly creatures to be held prisoners by our greed. And come on get a grip – this is essentially a sales book.
Here is a quote from the book -
“Don't be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”
And what does the book do? It tries, or at least pretends to turn you into a someone who would flatter everything that moves – so that you get - WHAT YOU WANT.
Most of us read so that we are inspired, moved, even shocked or atleast entertained by stories. We also read so that we understand better and stretch the possibilities of our minds and hearts, to be better human beings. We definitely do not read to become conniving ugly creatures to be held prisoners by our greed. And come on get a grip – this is essentially a sales book.
February 24, 2014
This is the most boring, tedious, inane book I've ever read. It is a total of 236 pages but the essence could be boiled down to 12 at most. Every chapter, he has one point summarized in a neat box at the end. I skimmed the rest. He gives you six examples when one or two would do. He deliberately repeats himself. He wastes the readers' time.
Do yourself a favor and just read the "In a Nutshell" summary points at the end of each chapter. You won't miss anything.
Do yourself a favor and just read the "In a Nutshell" summary points at the end of each chapter. You won't miss anything.
February 22, 2017
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
Dale Carnegie is a quintessentially American type. He is like George F. Babbitt come to life—except considerably smarter. And here he presents us with the Bible for the American secular religion: capitalism with a smile.
In a series of short chapters, Carnegie lays out a philosophy of human interaction. The tenets of this philosophy are very simple. People are selfish, prideful, and sensitive creatures. To get along with people you need to direct your actions towards their egos. To make people like you, compliment them, talk in terms of their wants, make them feel important, smile big, and remember their name. If you want to persuade somebody, don’t argue, and never contradict them; instead, be friendly, emphasize the things you agree on, get them to do most of the talking, and let them take credit for every bright idea.
The most common criticism lodged at this book is that it teaches manipulation, not genuine friendship. Well, I agree that this book doesn’t teach how to achieve genuine intimacy with people. A real friendship requires some self-expression, and self-expression is not part of Carnegie’s system. As another reviewer points out, if you use this mindset to try to get real friends, you’ll end up in highly unsatisfying relationships. Good friends aren't like difficult customers; they are people you can argue with and vent to, people who you don't have to impress.
Nevertheless, I think it’s not accurate to say that Carnegie is teaching manipulation. Manipulation is when you get somebody to do something against their own interests; but Carnegie’s whole system is directed towards getting others to see that their self-interest is aligned with yours. This is what I meant by calling him the prophet of “capitalism with a smile,” since his philosophy is built on the notion that, most of the time, people can do business with each other that is mutually beneficial. He never advocates being duplicitous: “Let me repeat: The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life.”
Maybe what puts people off is his somewhat cynical view of human nature. He sees people as inherently selfish creatures who are obsessed with their own wants; egotists with a fragile sense of self-esteem: “People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves—morning, noon and after dinner.”
Well, maybe it's just because I am an American, but this conception of human nature feels quite accurate to me. Even the nicest people are absorbed with their own desires, troubles, and opinions. Indeed, the only reason that it’s easy to forget that other people are preoccupied with their own priorities is because we are so preoccupied with our own that it’s hard to imagine anyone thinks otherwise. The other day, for example, I ran into my neighbor, a wonderfully nice woman, who immediately proceeded to unload all her recent troubles on me while scarcely asking me a single question. This isn’t because she is bad or selfish, but because she’s human and wanted a listening ear. I don’t see anything wrong with it.
In any case, I think this book is worth reading just for its historical value. As one of the first and most successful examples of the self-help genre, it is an illuminating document. Already in this book, we have what I call “Self-Help Miracle Stories”—you know, the stories about somebody applying the lessons from this book and achieving a complete life turnaround. Although the author always insists the stories are real, the effect is often comical: “Jim applied this lesson, and his customer was so happy he named his first-born son after him!” “Rebecca impressed her boss so much that he wrote her a check for one million dollars on the spot!” “Frank did such a good job at the meeting that one of his clients bought him a Ferrari, and another one offered him his daughter in marriage!” (These are only slight exaggerations.)
Because of this book’s age, the writing is quaint and charming. Take, for example, this piece of advice on how to get the most out of the book: “Make a lively game out of your learning by offering some friend a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating one of these principles.” A lively game! How utterly delightful.
Probably this book would be far more effective if Carnegie included some exercises instead of focusing on anecdotes. But then again, it would be far less enjoyable reading in that case, since the anecdotes are told with such verve and pep (to quote Babbitt). And I think we could all use a little more pep in our lives.
September 9, 2025
There's actually some pretty decent advice here that sort of stands the test of time.
But like most self-help books, a lot of the advice doesn't work in every situation and/or is just flat-out situational.
I also think the winning friends part of the book is less about having true friendships than about how to win over a room or how to convince people to see things your way. I wouldn't think that smiling and being agreeable, which is great on the surface and a good way to behave in general, would lend itself to creating strong intimate relationships.
Everyone (whether they admit it or not) likes to see a bit of piss and vinegar in the personalities of their friends and lovers.
My two favorite pieces of advice were these:
Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
The author points out that when you humiliate someone their first instinct is to double down and try to prove that whatever they did or are doing is valid. It doesn't matter how right you are, the vast majority of people don't respond to criticism well at all.
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
So true. Even if you win, you lose because that person will (once again) be humiliated and not be receptive to what you are trying to do. You may be completely right, but you're just shooting yourself in the dick by getting into the pissing match to start with.
You can smugly be right, or you can swallow that pride and choose to get things done. If you want results, try to put yourself in the other person's place and use a softer hand. No one likes to be embarrassed.
Really the gist of everything this book talks about is just that you need to put yourself in the place of the person you need to win over. What do they want? <--probably recognition and compensation. What would they like to hear? <--praise over what they've done well will likely go a long way to smoothing over any hurt feelings when you discuss what you would like them to do differently.
It also talks about giving sincere compliments and just being the sort of person who de-escalates bad situations. However, as most people already know, it's impossible (and sort of stupid) to be that person all the time or in every situation. Obviously, there will be times that you need to put your foot down and be firm about what you want. I think this book is just saying that you should try the nice way first.
Now I listened to a revised version, so some of the situations presented were updated. I didn't realize this was what I had until Stevie Wonder and a computer company were both used as various examples for something or other. I was like...1930what?! I don't think so.
I would love-love to read the original text in all of its (I'm sure) outdated glory, but I suppose that will have to wait for another day.
I wasn't expecting to find this such a readable (listenable?) book, but I had no trouble getting through it at all.
Andrew Macmillian - Narrator
But like most self-help books, a lot of the advice doesn't work in every situation and/or is just flat-out situational.
I also think the winning friends part of the book is less about having true friendships than about how to win over a room or how to convince people to see things your way. I wouldn't think that smiling and being agreeable, which is great on the surface and a good way to behave in general, would lend itself to creating strong intimate relationships.
Everyone (whether they admit it or not) likes to see a bit of piss and vinegar in the personalities of their friends and lovers.
My two favorite pieces of advice were these:
Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
The author points out that when you humiliate someone their first instinct is to double down and try to prove that whatever they did or are doing is valid. It doesn't matter how right you are, the vast majority of people don't respond to criticism well at all.
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
So true. Even if you win, you lose because that person will (once again) be humiliated and not be receptive to what you are trying to do. You may be completely right, but you're just shooting yourself in the dick by getting into the pissing match to start with.
You can smugly be right, or you can swallow that pride and choose to get things done. If you want results, try to put yourself in the other person's place and use a softer hand. No one likes to be embarrassed.
Really the gist of everything this book talks about is just that you need to put yourself in the place of the person you need to win over. What do they want? <--probably recognition and compensation. What would they like to hear? <--praise over what they've done well will likely go a long way to smoothing over any hurt feelings when you discuss what you would like them to do differently.
It also talks about giving sincere compliments and just being the sort of person who de-escalates bad situations. However, as most people already know, it's impossible (and sort of stupid) to be that person all the time or in every situation. Obviously, there will be times that you need to put your foot down and be firm about what you want. I think this book is just saying that you should try the nice way first.
Now I listened to a revised version, so some of the situations presented were updated. I didn't realize this was what I had until Stevie Wonder and a computer company were both used as various examples for something or other. I was like...1930what?! I don't think so.
I would love-love to read the original text in all of its (I'm sure) outdated glory, but I suppose that will have to wait for another day.
I wasn't expecting to find this such a readable (listenable?) book, but I had no trouble getting through it at all.
Andrew Macmillian - Narrator
July 20, 2023
1 ⭐
Holy hell! Give it a rest, Dale!
(H)Why, oh hwhy, did I read this?! Carnegie’s principles display, boldly, the many wrinkles of their age but it’s not only that; it’s very hard to believe that this book/course was ever considered useful information, nay, even anything beyond laughable, by any self-respecting individual!
To summarise a few select points:
1. Remember, and relentlessly repeat, the victim’s name during conversation. That sweet, sweet nectar that is one’s own name will have them eating out of the palm of your hand.
2. Smile. Preferably a manic, unnerving smile with cheeks quivering and teeth buckling under 1200psi of clench. Hold this smile throughout entire conversation, even hwhile talking. People love a smile!!
3. Shut your piehole! For the love of god NEVER, under any circumstances, talk about something you’re interested in! Speak only of the other person’s interests as if it were the most fascinating thing you’ve ever heard... And do it “genuinely” damn it! Oh, and make them feel really important; lay it on thick, y’know?! “Oh, you’re a woodworking hobbiest and you personally made your office desk from American Hwhite Oak?! Oh Stan, you’re an absolute marvel!! Do take up the next 3.5 hours of my time discussing the finer details of this thrilling pastime, Stan!” or “HAHAHAHA! *maintaining manic smile* Oh Barry, you are literally the funniest and most important person I’ve spoken to in years, Barry! You mean to tell me, Barry, that hwhen it’s a bit quiet in here you just sit and watch all manner of marvelously funny cat videos on youtube?! Splendid! Oh, another? sure I’ve got time! HWhat could be more pressing?! This is just great, you’re great Barry!” Oh, and obviously make sure you do all of this sincerely, we’re not just trying to superficially flatter people here, c’mon whattya take me for?!
4. If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically!... Hell, even if you know for sure that you’re not wrong, it couldn’t hurt to act like you might be.
5. Dramatize your ideas. If you sell, say, cash registers for example. Next time you go into the neighborhood grocery store, randomly point out to the owner how positively shit his current cash registers are and explain that he is literally hemorrhaging cash every time he uses them instead of your superior product. Don’t just tell him though, raise your voice and make a scene. Begin throwing coins on the floor and then at the cashier screaming, “Can’t you see you’re literally throwing away money, Gary?!!”. Always use the name Gary, even if you know full well that’s not his/her name.
Self-serving, underhanded and insincere! You can smell the Carnegie training on furniture and used car salesmen from a mile away. Carnegie courses must’ve been like factories churning out greasy, mass-produced slimeballs whose false kindness and counterfeit smiles, rather than achieving the desired level of endearment, come across passive aggressive and condescending to any moderately discerning conversationalist. Just repeatedly, and self-righteously, claiming that you are honest, sincere and most definitely NOT advocating a bag of cheap and flattering tricks, doesn’t make it so... Though, evidently, it does make you rich!
Holy hell! Give it a rest, Dale!
(H)Why, oh hwhy, did I read this?! Carnegie’s principles display, boldly, the many wrinkles of their age but it’s not only that; it’s very hard to believe that this book/course was ever considered useful information, nay, even anything beyond laughable, by any self-respecting individual!
To summarise a few select points:
1. Remember, and relentlessly repeat, the victim’s name during conversation. That sweet, sweet nectar that is one’s own name will have them eating out of the palm of your hand.
2. Smile. Preferably a manic, unnerving smile with cheeks quivering and teeth buckling under 1200psi of clench. Hold this smile throughout entire conversation, even hwhile talking. People love a smile!!
3. Shut your piehole! For the love of god NEVER, under any circumstances, talk about something you’re interested in! Speak only of the other person’s interests as if it were the most fascinating thing you’ve ever heard... And do it “genuinely” damn it! Oh, and make them feel really important; lay it on thick, y’know?! “Oh, you’re a woodworking hobbiest and you personally made your office desk from American Hwhite Oak?! Oh Stan, you’re an absolute marvel!! Do take up the next 3.5 hours of my time discussing the finer details of this thrilling pastime, Stan!” or “HAHAHAHA! *maintaining manic smile* Oh Barry, you are literally the funniest and most important person I’ve spoken to in years, Barry! You mean to tell me, Barry, that hwhen it’s a bit quiet in here you just sit and watch all manner of marvelously funny cat videos on youtube?! Splendid! Oh, another? sure I’ve got time! HWhat could be more pressing?! This is just great, you’re great Barry!” Oh, and obviously make sure you do all of this sincerely, we’re not just trying to superficially flatter people here, c’mon whattya take me for?!
4. If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically!... Hell, even if you know for sure that you’re not wrong, it couldn’t hurt to act like you might be.
5. Dramatize your ideas. If you sell, say, cash registers for example. Next time you go into the neighborhood grocery store, randomly point out to the owner how positively shit his current cash registers are and explain that he is literally hemorrhaging cash every time he uses them instead of your superior product. Don’t just tell him though, raise your voice and make a scene. Begin throwing coins on the floor and then at the cashier screaming, “Can’t you see you’re literally throwing away money, Gary?!!”. Always use the name Gary, even if you know full well that’s not his/her name.
Self-serving, underhanded and insincere! You can smell the Carnegie training on furniture and used car salesmen from a mile away. Carnegie courses must’ve been like factories churning out greasy, mass-produced slimeballs whose false kindness and counterfeit smiles, rather than achieving the desired level of endearment, come across passive aggressive and condescending to any moderately discerning conversationalist. Just repeatedly, and self-righteously, claiming that you are honest, sincere and most definitely NOT advocating a bag of cheap and flattering tricks, doesn’t make it so... Though, evidently, it does make you rich!
December 5, 2021
Easy to understand advice for building and improving positive and successful relationships with people in all areas of your life. Not a book per se for making friends, although it certainly can be used that way (with a grain of salt perhaps), but more directly a book that promotes good communication, kindness, and the social skills to foster healthy and productive working relationships.
I can see how some people are taken aback by Carnegie’s advice. You have to be in the right frame of mind to truly gain from this book. Go into it with a reflective approach and a genuine and concentrated effort to gain wisdom and you will be rewarded with the insights to achieve the goodwill of others as well as solid and lasting relationships.
I can see how some people are taken aback by Carnegie’s advice. You have to be in the right frame of mind to truly gain from this book. Go into it with a reflective approach and a genuine and concentrated effort to gain wisdom and you will be rewarded with the insights to achieve the goodwill of others as well as solid and lasting relationships.
September 27, 2022
I really liked this book! I feel like I learned SO much about being a good leader, influencing people, and bettering my social skills. I truly think the lessons I learned in this book will stick with me for life. :)
September 1, 2024
My review reminds me that these tips help build better relationships and positively influence others. ⏳⏲🕰
1. Be genuinely interested in others.
2. Smile often.
3. Remember people’s names.
4. Listen more, talk less.
5. Talk about what others are interested in.
6. Don’t criticize.
7. Give sincere compliments.
8. Let others share their stories.
9. Make people feel important.
This book is a must-read for anyone looking to improve relationships and positively influence others.
1. Be genuinely interested in others.
2. Smile often.
3. Remember people’s names.
4. Listen more, talk less.
5. Talk about what others are interested in.
6. Don’t criticize.
7. Give sincere compliments.
8. Let others share their stories.
9. Make people feel important.
This book is a must-read for anyone looking to improve relationships and positively influence others.
December 18, 2025
:قبل أن تشرع في قراءة الكتاب, هناك ملاحظات أحبذ اعتبارها في حساباتك
1- السلوكيات والنصائح الواردة لا يعتمد عليها بالكلية للحصول على أصدقاء من أقرانك, فلكي يقبلك أحدهم كصديق في علاقة طويلة المدى يجب أن تكون شخصاً ذا ثقل, ويحمل مميزات مادية مفيدة تجعله يحتاجك دائماً, وإذا فقدت هذه الميزات فستنطفئ علاقته بك تدريجياً حتى وإن لم يكن يقصد هو ذلك؛ لذا فالعمل على تنمية مهاراتك هو حجر الأساس.
2- يجب أن تبدو السلوكيات التي تنفذها بمظهر السلوكيات المخلصة, فالناس لا يحبون الرياء والمداهنة؛ فذلك يظهرك غالباً كنصاب يعاملهم كأغبياء, وفي أحسن الأحوال تظهر بمظهر النصاب فقط, وفي كل الأحوال سيتلاشى مجهودك المبذول على هذه السلوكيات. وبصفتي الشخصية, لي صديق يحاول دائماً تنفيذ سلوكيات كالمذكورة في الكتاب كإظهار الاهتمام بما يثير اهتمامي, ولكنه لا يفعلها بإخلاص غالباً, فيتحول الأمر إلى مدعاة للشفقة.
3- السلوكيات الواردة ليست بتعاويذ سحرية, فضلاً عن أنها معروفة وقديمة قدم الأزل, ولكن لا يستخدمها الناس عادة في أمورهم اليومية لارتفاع تكلفة الجهد المبذول فيها مقابل العائد البسيط منها نظراً لأن معظم الأشخاص الذين نقابلهم لا فائدة منهم على الإطلاق. وعندما نحتاج أحد هذه السلوكيات لتخطي ورطة مع أحد الأشخاص, تتوه الحلول مننا, وإن وجدناها فليس بمقدورنا تنفيذ ما لم نتعود على فعله تنفيذاً يبدو جيداً. وعليه, فالأعلام الوارد ذكرهم في الكتاب كعباقرة في التعامل مع الناس مثل "روزفلت", يستثمرون جهود ضخمة لتمويل شعبيتهم وسط الناس, وبهذا أصل من جديد إلى إن العبقرية هي مقدرة على الصبر/الاجتهاد.
ليس لدي الصبر على كل تلك المشاق لتلقي مشاعر الناس, ومن الجيد أنه ليس لدي رغبة عميقة في استزادة مقدرتي على معاملة الناس بحكم شخصيتي الـ"INTJ-T"
.. وعليه نويت استخدام الكتاب كمرجع, في حال إن تورطت في علاقة مع أحد البشر.
4-"moral high ground fags" ككل الكتب التي تتحدث عن سلوك البشر وكيفية استغلاله, لا ينصح به للسادة الـ .
5- استخدمه باعتدال, فمعظم السلوكيات تعتمد في تأثيرها على قلة تنفيذ الآخرين لها, وإذ أنت أغرقت الجميع بها, فسوف يتبدد تأثيرها ككل شيء متوفر بسهولة من حولهم مهما كان أهمية ما تقوم به لهم. خذ الماء والهواء كمثال وعبرة.
***
ترجمة "عبد الله محمد الزيادي" عن "دار الندوة الجديدة" اللبنانية ترجمة جيدة جداً... ترجمة العنوان الرئيسي لـ "كيف تختار الأصدقاء" غير موفق, والعنوان الفرعي "كيف تؤثر في الناس" أكثر تعبيراً عن الكتاب.
هناك ترجمات أخرى متوفرة, ولكني لم أطلع عليها.
***
تماماً ككتاب "دع القلق وتعلم الحياة", يسرد كارنجي الكثير من القصص الحقيقية المسلية لتوضيح نصائحه, ولإعطاء أمثلة عملية نستطيع استغلالها في حياتنا. أذكر منهم قصتان, والأولى منهما تصرفت فيها قليلاً:
***
محتويات الكتاب:
1- السلوكيات والنصائح الواردة لا يعتمد عليها بالكلية للحصول على أصدقاء من أقرانك, فلكي يقبلك أحدهم كصديق في علاقة طويلة المدى يجب أن تكون شخصاً ذا ثقل, ويحمل مميزات مادية مفيدة تجعله يحتاجك دائماً, وإذا فقدت هذه الميزات فستنطفئ علاقته بك تدريجياً حتى وإن لم يكن يقصد هو ذلك؛ لذا فالعمل على تنمية مهاراتك هو حجر الأساس.
2- يجب أن تبدو السلوكيات التي تنفذها بمظهر السلوكيات المخلصة, فالناس لا يحبون الرياء والمداهنة؛ فذلك يظهرك غالباً كنصاب يعاملهم كأغبياء, وفي أحسن الأحوال تظهر بمظهر النصاب فقط, وفي كل الأحوال سيتلاشى مجهودك المبذول على هذه السلوكيات. وبصفتي الشخصية, لي صديق يحاول دائماً تنفيذ سلوكيات كالمذكورة في الكتاب كإظهار الاهتمام بما يثير اهتمامي, ولكنه لا يفعلها بإخلاص غالباً, فيتحول الأمر إلى مدعاة للشفقة.
3- السلوكيات الواردة ليست بتعاويذ سحرية, فضلاً عن أنها معروفة وقديمة قدم الأزل, ولكن لا يستخدمها الناس عادة في أمورهم اليومية لارتفاع تكلفة الجهد المبذول فيها مقابل العائد البسيط منها نظراً لأن معظم الأشخاص الذين نقابلهم لا فائدة منهم على الإطلاق. وعندما نحتاج أحد هذه السلوكيات لتخطي ورطة مع أحد الأشخاص, تتوه الحلول مننا, وإن وجدناها فليس بمقدورنا تنفيذ ما لم نتعود على فعله تنفيذاً يبدو جيداً. وعليه, فالأعلام الوارد ذكرهم في الكتاب كعباقرة في التعامل مع الناس مثل "روزفلت", يستثمرون جهود ضخمة لتمويل شعبيتهم وسط الناس, وبهذا أصل من جديد إلى إن العبقرية هي مقدرة على الصبر/الاجتهاد.
ليس لدي الصبر على كل تلك المشاق لتلقي مشاعر الناس, ومن الجيد أنه ليس لدي رغبة عميقة في استزادة مقدرتي على معاملة الناس بحكم شخصيتي الـ"INTJ-T"
.. وعليه نويت استخدام الكتاب كمرجع, في حال إن تورطت في علاقة مع أحد البشر.
4-"moral high ground fags" ككل الكتب التي تتحدث عن سلوك البشر وكيفية استغلاله, لا ينصح به للسادة الـ .
5- استخدمه باعتدال, فمعظم السلوكيات تعتمد في تأثيرها على قلة تنفيذ الآخرين لها, وإذ أنت أغرقت الجميع بها, فسوف يتبدد تأثيرها ككل شيء متوفر بسهولة من حولهم مهما كان أهمية ما تقوم به لهم. خذ الماء والهواء كمثال وعبرة.
***
ترجمة "عبد الله محمد الزيادي" عن "دار الندوة الجديدة" اللبنانية ترجمة جيدة جداً... ترجمة العنوان الرئيسي لـ "كيف تختار الأصدقاء" غير موفق, والعنوان الفرعي "كيف تؤثر في الناس" أكثر تعبيراً عن الكتاب.
هناك ترجمات أخرى متوفرة, ولكني لم أطلع عليها.
***
تماماً ككتاب "دع القلق وتعلم الحياة", يسرد كارنجي الكثير من القصص الحقيقية المسلية لتوضيح نصائحه, ولإعطاء أمثلة عملية نستطيع استغلالها في حياتنا. أذكر منهم قصتان, والأولى منهما تصرفت فيها قليلاً:
"إن معظم الشبان الراغبين في الزواج لا يهمهم أن تكون الزوجة المنشودة ربة بيت من الطراز الأول بقدر ما يهمهم أن تشبع غرورهم, وتمنحهم الإحساس بالأهمية والاعتبار!"
ولعل هذا هو السر في أن أكثر الفتيات المثقفات يخفقن في الحصول على الأزواج, فإنك قد تدعو الفتاة المثقفة للغداء معك , فلا تلبث أن تتركك وقد تحمست لدراسة التيارات الهامة في الفلسفة المعاصرة - مثلاً- وماذا تكون النتيجة؟ تتناول غداءها بعد ذلك بلا رفيق.
ولكنك قد تدعو إلى الغداء فتاة تعمل على الآلة الكاتبة ولم تدرس قط في الجامعة, فلا تلبث أن تثبت نظرها عليك, وتقول لك: "حدثني عن نفسك" وماذا تكون النتيجة؟ سوف تشعر بالأمان في صحبتها, وسوف تقول حتماً في لأصحابك: "صحيح إنها ليست على قدر كبير من الجمال, ولكني ارتحت لها!"
منذ وقت قصير, وقع صديق لي في غرام فتاة لم يلبث أن خطبها, وبعد قليل من خطبته, رغبت إليه خطيبته في أن يتعلم الرقص فاستجاب لرغبتها. قال لي وهو يروي القصة:
"... والله يعلم أنني كنت في أمس الحاجة إلى دروس الرقص. كنت قد تعلمت الرقص منذ نحو عشرين سنة, فلما عدت إليه, عدت كما بدأته, وقد صارحتني المدرسة الأولى التي قصدت إليها, بهذه الحقيقة سافرة, قالت لي لي إنني على خطأ بيّن, وإنه يجب أن أنسى ما تعلمته في الماضي وأن أبدأ من جديد! ولكن هذا اقتضاني مجهوداً كبيراً, ولم يكن لدي دافع يدفعني إلى مواصلة التعليم فتركتها!.
"ولعل المعلمة الثانية كذبت علي, ولكني فضلتها! قالت لي إن رقصي قديم العهد بعض الشيء, ولكن المبادئ في جوهرها صحيحة. وأكدت أنني لن ألقى عناء في تعلم بعض الخطوات الجديدة.
"لقد بثت المعلمة الأولى اليأس في نفسي بتأكيدها لأخطائي, أما الثانية فقد فعلت العكس تماماً: امتدحت الشيء الوحيد الصحيح في رقصي, وهونت كثيراً من شأن أخطائي.
وكانت لا تفتأ تقول لي: إن لك أذناً موسيقية .. إنك راقص موهوب.
"وبرغم إيماني بأنني كنت – وسأظل – راقصاً من الدرجة الرابعة, إلا أنني كنت أتشكك أحيانا وأقول لنفسي : ربما كانت تعني ما تقول!. والواقع أنني كنت أنقدها المال بسبب ما تواليني به من تشجيع وتقدير!"
***
محتويات الكتاب:
March 13, 2019
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
‘How to win friends and influence people’ is one of the best self-help books I read in 2018. It’s a very popular book that I managed to avoid for years simply because I thought it might have cliché advice that I’d probably already know and I won’t find anything useful. Boy, was I wrong! It definitely has pieces of advice you probably have heard a million times already, from your parents, teachers or just any adult; you listen and get inspired for like 15 minutes but you don’t spend time pondering on it and it’s forgotten. I guess you need to be in a certain state of mind to absorb opinions and ideas. This book had me in that state and was able to hold my attention throughout.
One of the most important things I took away from this book was ‘Give unto others what we would have others give unto us’. Now, I know everybody knows that! We, humans, are complex creatures; we have different personalities, temperaments, motivations but when everything is taken away, there are some core values that are similar in all of us. Our actions spring from what we desire, we crave appreciation, feeling of importance, and we want to be respected and listened to. This book tells you to peer into your mind and learn about yourself.
It’s really important to get to know yourself first, to know what you like and what you don’t. In order to influence people, you need to put yourself in their shoes and approach the situation in that way. This takes tactfulness and patience. The author also makes use of wise quotes from philosophers and great people to explain his ideas, which I really liked. He also gives examples from the lives of successful people to elaborate his point and also, gives pointers on how to incorporate those pieces of advice in our daily lives. Every advice given in this book is valuable, no matter how commonplace it is. I believe this book should be a necessary read for students in school and college.
All in all, it was very informative and useful book. There were so many great advises you could use in your daily life. I believe everyone should read this book at least once in their lives because it’s really worth your time.
Read On Blog
‘How to win friends and influence people’ is one of the best self-help books I read in 2018. It’s a very popular book that I managed to avoid for years simply because I thought it might have cliché advice that I’d probably already know and I won’t find anything useful. Boy, was I wrong! It definitely has pieces of advice you probably have heard a million times already, from your parents, teachers or just any adult; you listen and get inspired for like 15 minutes but you don’t spend time pondering on it and it’s forgotten. I guess you need to be in a certain state of mind to absorb opinions and ideas. This book had me in that state and was able to hold my attention throughout.
One of the most important things I took away from this book was ‘Give unto others what we would have others give unto us’. Now, I know everybody knows that! We, humans, are complex creatures; we have different personalities, temperaments, motivations but when everything is taken away, there are some core values that are similar in all of us. Our actions spring from what we desire, we crave appreciation, feeling of importance, and we want to be respected and listened to. This book tells you to peer into your mind and learn about yourself.
It’s really important to get to know yourself first, to know what you like and what you don’t. In order to influence people, you need to put yourself in their shoes and approach the situation in that way. This takes tactfulness and patience. The author also makes use of wise quotes from philosophers and great people to explain his ideas, which I really liked. He also gives examples from the lives of successful people to elaborate his point and also, gives pointers on how to incorporate those pieces of advice in our daily lives. Every advice given in this book is valuable, no matter how commonplace it is. I believe this book should be a necessary read for students in school and college.
All in all, it was very informative and useful book. There were so many great advises you could use in your daily life. I believe everyone should read this book at least once in their lives because it’s really worth your time.
Read On Blog
July 21, 2026
-لو وُسِّدَ إليَّ الأمر لمدة ساعة واحدة، لوضعت هذا الكتاب في مرحلة التعليم الأساسي في بلادنا، هذا الكتاب يُدرّس لا يقُرأ فقط.
-طوال قراءتي لهذا الكتاب التي امتدت ربما ثلاثة شهور كنت أري عنوانه دائماً "كيف ان تكون إنساناً مهذباً ذو ذوق رفيع"
-لقد لخصت الكتاب في نقاط رئيسية لأني أحب أن أعود اليها دائماً:
ملحوظة: كل نقطة من هذه النقاط التالي ذكرها أسهب ديل كارنيجي في اعطاء أمثله لها-رأيته مكثر في الأمثلة أحياناً ولكن لا ضير أبداً-
الجزء الأول: الأساليب الاساسية للتعامل مع الآخرين:
١- لا تنتقد أو تُدن أو تشك
٢- امنح الآخرين تقديراً أميناً وصادقاً
٣-قم بإثارة الرغبة لدي الآخرين
******
الجزء الثاني: ست طرق تحصل من خلالها علي حب الآخرين:
١-اهتم اهتماماً صادقاً
٢-ابتسم
٣-تذكر أن اسم الشخص هو بالنسبة له أجمل وأهم صوت يحب ان يسمعه
٤-كن مستمعاً جيداً، وشجع الآخرين علي ان يتحدثوا عن أنفسهم
٥-تحدث في إطار اهتمامات الشخص الآخر
٦-اجعل الشخص الآخر يشعر انه مهم وافعل هذا بصدق
******
الجزء الثالث: كيف تجعل الآخرين يؤيدون رأيك:
١-الطريقة القصوي للاستفادة من اي مجادلة هي ان تتجنبها
٢-اظهر احترامك لوجهات نظر الاخرين ولا تقل أبداً لغيرك انك مخطئ-واذا فُرض عليك الجدال وابداء رأيك المخالف ابدأ حديثك بـ ربما أكون مخطئاً
٣-اذا كنت مخطئاً فاعترف بذلك بشكل سريع وحاسم
٤-ابدأ بإسلوب لطيف-قطرة العسل
٥-اجعل الشخص الآخر يقول نعم نعم في الحال
٦- دع الآخرين يتحدثون معظم الوقت
٧-دع الشخص الآخر يشعر ان الفكرة فكرته
٨-ضع نفسك مكان الشخص الآخر
٩-تعاطف مع أفكار الآخرين ورغباتهم
١٠-خاطب الدوافع النبيلة لدي الآخرين
١١-اعرض افكارك بشكل مثير
١٢-أعلن التحدي
******
الجزء الرابع: كبف تغير الناس دون أن تأذي مشاعرهم:
١-المدح والتقدير الصادق
٢-نبه الآخرين الي أخطائهم بشكل غير مباشر
٣-تحدث عن أخطائك قبل نقد الشخص الآخر
٤-اطرح أسئلة بدلاً من إصدار أوامر مباشرة
٥-دع الشخص الآخر يحفظ بماء وجهه
٦- امدح أقل بادرة تحسُن، وكن سخياً في مدحك
٧-أعط الشخص الآخر سمعة طيبة تجعله يسعي لأن يكون عند حسن ظنك به، وذلك بسعيه لتحقيقها في نفسه
٨-قم بالتشجيع ، اجعل الخطأ يبدو سهل الاصلاح، امدح الامور الايجابية حتي لو كانت صغيرة
٩-اجعل الشخص الآخر سعيداً بفعل الشيء الذي تود منه فعله
******
وفي النهاية اليكم هذه التتمة الرائعة:
-من السذاجة أن تعتقد أنك ستحصل دائمًا على رد فعل إيجابى من الآخرين عندما تستخدم هذه الوسائل، ولكن خبرة معظم الناس تشير إلى أن فرصتك أكبر فى تغيير المواقف بهذه المبادئ عما لو لم تستخدمها - ولو زادت نجاحاتك بنسبة ١٠٪ فقط فإنك ستكون قائدًا أكثر فاعلية بنسبة ١٠٪ عما كنت عليه من قبل، وهذه فائدة لك.
~ تمت القراءة في فبراير 2026~
-طوال قراءتي لهذا الكتاب التي امتدت ربما ثلاثة شهور كنت أري عنوانه دائماً "كيف ان تكون إنساناً مهذباً ذو ذوق رفيع"
-لقد لخصت الكتاب في نقاط رئيسية لأني أحب أن أعود اليها دائماً:
ملحوظة: كل نقطة من هذه النقاط التالي ذكرها أسهب ديل كارنيجي في اعطاء أمثله لها-رأيته مكثر في الأمثلة أحياناً ولكن لا ضير أبداً-
الجزء الأول: الأساليب الاساسية للتعامل مع الآخرين:
١- لا تنتقد أو تُدن أو تشك
٢- امنح الآخرين تقديراً أميناً وصادقاً
٣-قم بإثارة الرغبة لدي الآخرين
******
الجزء الثاني: ست طرق تحصل من خلالها علي حب الآخرين:
١-اهتم اهتماماً صادقاً
٢-ابتسم
٣-تذكر أن اسم الشخص هو بالنسبة له أجمل وأهم صوت يحب ان يسمعه
٤-كن مستمعاً جيداً، وشجع الآخرين علي ان يتحدثوا عن أنفسهم
٥-تحدث في إطار اهتمامات الشخص الآخر
٦-اجعل الشخص الآخر يشعر انه مهم وافعل هذا بصدق
******
الجزء الثالث: كيف تجعل الآخرين يؤيدون رأيك:
١-الطريقة القصوي للاستفادة من اي مجادلة هي ان تتجنبها
٢-اظهر احترامك لوجهات نظر الاخرين ولا تقل أبداً لغيرك انك مخطئ-واذا فُرض عليك الجدال وابداء رأيك المخالف ابدأ حديثك بـ ربما أكون مخطئاً
٣-اذا كنت مخطئاً فاعترف بذلك بشكل سريع وحاسم
٤-ابدأ بإسلوب لطيف-قطرة العسل
٥-اجعل الشخص الآخر يقول نعم نعم في الحال
٦- دع الآخرين يتحدثون معظم الوقت
٧-دع الشخص الآخر يشعر ان الفكرة فكرته
٨-ضع نفسك مكان الشخص الآخر
٩-تعاطف مع أفكار الآخرين ورغباتهم
١٠-خاطب الدوافع النبيلة لدي الآخرين
١١-اعرض افكارك بشكل مثير
١٢-أعلن التحدي
******
الجزء الرابع: كبف تغير الناس دون أن تأذي مشاعرهم:
١-المدح والتقدير الصادق
٢-نبه الآخرين الي أخطائهم بشكل غير مباشر
٣-تحدث عن أخطائك قبل نقد الشخص الآخر
٤-اطرح أسئلة بدلاً من إصدار أوامر مباشرة
٥-دع الشخص الآخر يحفظ بماء وجهه
٦- امدح أقل بادرة تحسُن، وكن سخياً في مدحك
٧-أعط الشخص الآخر سمعة طيبة تجعله يسعي لأن يكون عند حسن ظنك به، وذلك بسعيه لتحقيقها في نفسه
٨-قم بالتشجيع ، اجعل الخطأ يبدو سهل الاصلاح، امدح الامور الايجابية حتي لو كانت صغيرة
٩-اجعل الشخص الآخر سعيداً بفعل الشيء الذي تود منه فعله
******
وفي النهاية اليكم هذه التتمة الرائعة:
-من السذاجة أن تعتقد أنك ستحصل دائمًا على رد فعل إيجابى من الآخرين عندما تستخدم هذه الوسائل، ولكن خبرة معظم الناس تشير إلى أن فرصتك أكبر فى تغيير المواقف بهذه المبادئ عما لو لم تستخدمها - ولو زادت نجاحاتك بنسبة ١٠٪ فقط فإنك ستكون قائدًا أكثر فاعلية بنسبة ١٠٪ عما كنت عليه من قبل، وهذه فائدة لك.
~ تمت القراءة في فبراير 2026~
May 3, 2022
¡Clásico de clásicos! Por la gran calidad del contenido, no es una sorpresa que, tras casi cien años de la fecha de publicación, el libro aún siga siendo vigente y muy popular.
Excelente libro, en verdad me encanta. Esta obra de Carnegie me recuerda a un libro llamado 70 recetas para triunfar en la vida el cual mi madre me regaló hace varios años porque, en aquel entonces, ella, me sintió bastante desorientado en mi vida. Recuerdo que resultó siendo un gran regalo porque en verdad aquel libro me ayudó mucho para madurar, para ganar confianza, y para creer que todo lo que me proponga en el futuro puedo lograrlo, incluso si parece imposible. Enfrentarme a la vida real nunca fue sencillo para mí —de hecho aún tengo complicaciones para adaptarme en ciertas circunstancias— porque yo vivía en una burbuja de irrealidad. Siempre fui el mejor en mi colegio, no sufrí fracasos y/o frustraciones, pero al salir de esa burbuja me estrellé con la realidad y psicológicamente resulté bastante afectado. En unos pocos años pasé de ser un engreído sabelotodo a un fracasado con depresión. Fue en aquella lectura que conocí a Dale Carnegie, ya que en cierto momento del texto se realiza la mención correspondiente a este autor, y por tanto, mi curiosidad me llevó a investigar y posteriormente a leer este libro. En esa ocasión tuve una buena experiencia, el libro me gustó, aprendí mucho, pero el tiempo fue haciéndome olvidar poco a poco las lecciones aprendidas. Esa es la razón de mi relectura, incluso es probable que lo vuelva a leer en el futuro: Este tipo de obras se deben retomar cada cierto periodo de tiempo para recordar lo olvidado y también para aprender lecciones nuevas que posiblemente ignoramos en nuestras lecturas previas.
Cómo ganar amigos e influir sobre las personas es una gran obra que nos ayuda a reflexionar sobre los errores que cometemos cuando tratamos a nuestro prójimo. Todo el libro está cargado de historias, frases y lecciones; bellas lecciones que por su sencillez calan hondamente en nosotros, bellas lecciones que nos hace recapacitar sobre nuestro comportamiento, nuestras palabras, y la forma como nos relacionamos con los demás. Leer esta obra sirve para darnos cuenta que las personas no somos robots, y que en todas las ocasiones donde actuamos con antipatía, grosería, y agresividad, realmente hemos tratado a las personas como basura, y nadie, absolutamente nadie se lo merece. Carnegie nos invita a comprender al prójimo, a ganarnos su confianza, a ser amables, simpáticos, y especialmente a interesarnos con genuinidad en ellos. Carnegie nos invita a ser más humanos, nos invita a madurar, nos invita a seguir el ejemplo de cientos y miles de personas que por su buena comunicación tienen grandes amigos y éxito en sus vidas. Carnegie escribió esta obra para ayudarnos a ser mejores humanos.
Como sus lecciones son prácticas y prometen buenos resultados, es recomendable no leer esta obra tan rápido, sino preferiblemente intentar practicar, poco a poco, los buenos hábitos propuestos por el autor. También es recomendable realizar muchas anotaciones porque de no hacerlo, nos perderemos las enseñanzas que en el libro aparecen, y como son tantas, entonces se vuelve una tarea imposible memorizarlas todas juntas. Si leemos esta obra como un libro normal, podríamos acabarlo en unas pocas horas, pero si deseamos emplear estos consejos en nuestra vida, lo recomendable es leer poca información en un solo día. Si desean leerlo al azar, también pueden hacerlo, no hay ningún problema con ello.
La dinámica del libro es bastante pragmática. El autor nos cuenta una historia de un vendedor, presidente, político, comerciante, etc., y como una fábula, nos deja en cada una de ellas una moraleja importante; moraleja que va fortaleciendo en las siguientes historias del mismo capítulo. Eso me ha llevado a pensar que quizás la cantidad de ejemplos pueden llegar a ser exagerados. Con dos o tres ejemplos podría ser suficiente, en mi opinión, pero cinco o seis ejemplos que refuerzan la misma idea me parece algo innecesario. Lógicamente, no todas las historias impresionan a todas las personas de igual manera, por lo que comprendo que su objetivo es presentar historias diversas, ya que se supondría que alguna tendría que ayudar al lector a reflexionar. Este tipo de historias, y forma en que son narradas, me recuerda a las que se les cuenta a los niños para que aprendan a ser puntuales, responsables, dormir temprano, etc. Son escritas de una forma tan simple, sin atacar al lector por tener fallas o errores, y se siente una paciencia y una compresión tan alta en las palabras que me hace pensar que debió ser muy agradable entablar una conversación real con este señor. Una persona que te escucha, no te juzga, es amable contigo, y a la vez te da consejos sin ofenderte, es un amigo de verdad. Si tú, que estás leyendo esto, conoces a alguien así, cuida mucho esa amistad, es difícil encontrar alguien que esté dispuesto a gastar su tiempo en ti.
Aunque no estoy de acuerdo con las lecturas obligatorias, pienso que esta obra sí debería serlo. Con tanta agresividad, odio e indiferencia, que hay por todas partes en el mundo, siento que este libro podría ayudar muchísimo a reducir la cantidad de peleas y problemas de convivencia que se viven en todos los ámbitos posibles: Trabajos, colegios, universidades, hogar, etc. No sé ustedes, pero a mí me parece tan molesto salir a caminar a la calle, con el objetivo de cambiar de ambiente, descansar, quizás meditar, y así respirar un aire más saludable, pero en vez de calmarnos resultamos llegando a nuestro destino más estresados de lo que estábamos. Tantas peleas, gritos, intolerancia, y escándalo por todas partes, es tan, pero tan molesto, que incluso pierdo las ganas de salir en muchas ocasiones. Debemos contactarnos con el mundo exterior, relacionarnos, caminar, y demás, porque somos seres sociales por naturaleza, pero a veces el escenario no ayuda mucho para motivarnos a hacerlo. Quizás si leyeran este libro por obligación no lo practicarían, seguiríamos siempre con los mismos malos hábitos, pero tal vez valdría la pena para intentar germinar la semilla de la duda en algunas personas que, a lo mejor, puede que si tengan la disposición para cambiar sus malos hábitos y actitudes. En los momentos en que se sientan furiosos, frenéticamente descontrolados, y tengan deseos de explotar violentamente sobre los demás, en esos casos, les recomiendo que primero lean un rato este libro, y si después de hacerlo aún tienen deseos de ser violentos, bien pueden terminar su cometido; pero, es probable, que su ira se reduzca mucho porque leyendo este libro comprendemos que somos tan culpables como los demás cuando una conversación se sale de control.
Cuando lees este libro sientes la curiosidad de practicar lo que te propone el autor, y lo mejor es que puedes hacerlo en cualquier situación cotidiana de tu vida: Desde hablar con un niño para que te obedezca, o hablar con tu jefe para pedirle un aumento. Este libro puede ayudarte, como su título lo dice, a influir sobre las personas, pero a pesar de ello no encontrarás consejos de cómo manipular a las personas, o aprovecharte de ellos. No. Lo que encontrarás será un libro que te hará entender que sí deseas que alguien te siga, o «te haga caso», debes preocuparte por su bienestar y no solo por el tuyo. Influir sanamente en los demás comprende un intercambio equivalente para ambas partes.
En la parte final se cuenta la vida de Dale Carnegie, y entonces es allí donde sentimos más simpatía con el autor porque comprendemos que es igual que nosotros, con sus problemas, sus sueños y dificultades, y que es un gran ejemplo a seguir porque lo que él hizo fue seguir su pasión para dedicarse de por vida a lo que siempre deseó hacer: Ser un conferencista. Es una historia muy bonita que me ha gustado mucho, la he releído varias veces —incluso en este momento mientras escribo esta reseña—, y entre más la leo más me encanta su historia de superación.
En resumen, un libro muy bueno que nos ayuda a crecer. Lo leeré varias veces a lo largo de mi vida, y de cada lectura estoy seguro que aprenderé nuevas lecciones porque aprender a tratar a los demás es un camino interminable, y muy difícil de seguir, pero intentar transitarlo vale la pena porque nos traerá grandes beneficios, no solo económicos, sino de todo tipo. Sigue estos consejos y estarás siempre rodeado de grandes amigos, sigue estos consejos y no tendrás enemigos, sigue estos consejos y nunca estarás solo, sigue estos consejos y tendrás una mano amiga que estará siempre dispuesta a ayudarte. Libro que debería ser obligatorio, por tanto es supremamente recomendado.
Excelente libro, en verdad me encanta. Esta obra de Carnegie me recuerda a un libro llamado 70 recetas para triunfar en la vida el cual mi madre me regaló hace varios años porque, en aquel entonces, ella, me sintió bastante desorientado en mi vida. Recuerdo que resultó siendo un gran regalo porque en verdad aquel libro me ayudó mucho para madurar, para ganar confianza, y para creer que todo lo que me proponga en el futuro puedo lograrlo, incluso si parece imposible. Enfrentarme a la vida real nunca fue sencillo para mí —de hecho aún tengo complicaciones para adaptarme en ciertas circunstancias— porque yo vivía en una burbuja de irrealidad. Siempre fui el mejor en mi colegio, no sufrí fracasos y/o frustraciones, pero al salir de esa burbuja me estrellé con la realidad y psicológicamente resulté bastante afectado. En unos pocos años pasé de ser un engreído sabelotodo a un fracasado con depresión. Fue en aquella lectura que conocí a Dale Carnegie, ya que en cierto momento del texto se realiza la mención correspondiente a este autor, y por tanto, mi curiosidad me llevó a investigar y posteriormente a leer este libro. En esa ocasión tuve una buena experiencia, el libro me gustó, aprendí mucho, pero el tiempo fue haciéndome olvidar poco a poco las lecciones aprendidas. Esa es la razón de mi relectura, incluso es probable que lo vuelva a leer en el futuro: Este tipo de obras se deben retomar cada cierto periodo de tiempo para recordar lo olvidado y también para aprender lecciones nuevas que posiblemente ignoramos en nuestras lecturas previas.
Cómo ganar amigos e influir sobre las personas es una gran obra que nos ayuda a reflexionar sobre los errores que cometemos cuando tratamos a nuestro prójimo. Todo el libro está cargado de historias, frases y lecciones; bellas lecciones que por su sencillez calan hondamente en nosotros, bellas lecciones que nos hace recapacitar sobre nuestro comportamiento, nuestras palabras, y la forma como nos relacionamos con los demás. Leer esta obra sirve para darnos cuenta que las personas no somos robots, y que en todas las ocasiones donde actuamos con antipatía, grosería, y agresividad, realmente hemos tratado a las personas como basura, y nadie, absolutamente nadie se lo merece. Carnegie nos invita a comprender al prójimo, a ganarnos su confianza, a ser amables, simpáticos, y especialmente a interesarnos con genuinidad en ellos. Carnegie nos invita a ser más humanos, nos invita a madurar, nos invita a seguir el ejemplo de cientos y miles de personas que por su buena comunicación tienen grandes amigos y éxito en sus vidas. Carnegie escribió esta obra para ayudarnos a ser mejores humanos.
Como sus lecciones son prácticas y prometen buenos resultados, es recomendable no leer esta obra tan rápido, sino preferiblemente intentar practicar, poco a poco, los buenos hábitos propuestos por el autor. También es recomendable realizar muchas anotaciones porque de no hacerlo, nos perderemos las enseñanzas que en el libro aparecen, y como son tantas, entonces se vuelve una tarea imposible memorizarlas todas juntas. Si leemos esta obra como un libro normal, podríamos acabarlo en unas pocas horas, pero si deseamos emplear estos consejos en nuestra vida, lo recomendable es leer poca información en un solo día. Si desean leerlo al azar, también pueden hacerlo, no hay ningún problema con ello.
La dinámica del libro es bastante pragmática. El autor nos cuenta una historia de un vendedor, presidente, político, comerciante, etc., y como una fábula, nos deja en cada una de ellas una moraleja importante; moraleja que va fortaleciendo en las siguientes historias del mismo capítulo. Eso me ha llevado a pensar que quizás la cantidad de ejemplos pueden llegar a ser exagerados. Con dos o tres ejemplos podría ser suficiente, en mi opinión, pero cinco o seis ejemplos que refuerzan la misma idea me parece algo innecesario. Lógicamente, no todas las historias impresionan a todas las personas de igual manera, por lo que comprendo que su objetivo es presentar historias diversas, ya que se supondría que alguna tendría que ayudar al lector a reflexionar. Este tipo de historias, y forma en que son narradas, me recuerda a las que se les cuenta a los niños para que aprendan a ser puntuales, responsables, dormir temprano, etc. Son escritas de una forma tan simple, sin atacar al lector por tener fallas o errores, y se siente una paciencia y una compresión tan alta en las palabras que me hace pensar que debió ser muy agradable entablar una conversación real con este señor. Una persona que te escucha, no te juzga, es amable contigo, y a la vez te da consejos sin ofenderte, es un amigo de verdad. Si tú, que estás leyendo esto, conoces a alguien así, cuida mucho esa amistad, es difícil encontrar alguien que esté dispuesto a gastar su tiempo en ti.
Aunque no estoy de acuerdo con las lecturas obligatorias, pienso que esta obra sí debería serlo. Con tanta agresividad, odio e indiferencia, que hay por todas partes en el mundo, siento que este libro podría ayudar muchísimo a reducir la cantidad de peleas y problemas de convivencia que se viven en todos los ámbitos posibles: Trabajos, colegios, universidades, hogar, etc. No sé ustedes, pero a mí me parece tan molesto salir a caminar a la calle, con el objetivo de cambiar de ambiente, descansar, quizás meditar, y así respirar un aire más saludable, pero en vez de calmarnos resultamos llegando a nuestro destino más estresados de lo que estábamos. Tantas peleas, gritos, intolerancia, y escándalo por todas partes, es tan, pero tan molesto, que incluso pierdo las ganas de salir en muchas ocasiones. Debemos contactarnos con el mundo exterior, relacionarnos, caminar, y demás, porque somos seres sociales por naturaleza, pero a veces el escenario no ayuda mucho para motivarnos a hacerlo. Quizás si leyeran este libro por obligación no lo practicarían, seguiríamos siempre con los mismos malos hábitos, pero tal vez valdría la pena para intentar germinar la semilla de la duda en algunas personas que, a lo mejor, puede que si tengan la disposición para cambiar sus malos hábitos y actitudes. En los momentos en que se sientan furiosos, frenéticamente descontrolados, y tengan deseos de explotar violentamente sobre los demás, en esos casos, les recomiendo que primero lean un rato este libro, y si después de hacerlo aún tienen deseos de ser violentos, bien pueden terminar su cometido; pero, es probable, que su ira se reduzca mucho porque leyendo este libro comprendemos que somos tan culpables como los demás cuando una conversación se sale de control.
Cuando lees este libro sientes la curiosidad de practicar lo que te propone el autor, y lo mejor es que puedes hacerlo en cualquier situación cotidiana de tu vida: Desde hablar con un niño para que te obedezca, o hablar con tu jefe para pedirle un aumento. Este libro puede ayudarte, como su título lo dice, a influir sobre las personas, pero a pesar de ello no encontrarás consejos de cómo manipular a las personas, o aprovecharte de ellos. No. Lo que encontrarás será un libro que te hará entender que sí deseas que alguien te siga, o «te haga caso», debes preocuparte por su bienestar y no solo por el tuyo. Influir sanamente en los demás comprende un intercambio equivalente para ambas partes.
En la parte final se cuenta la vida de Dale Carnegie, y entonces es allí donde sentimos más simpatía con el autor porque comprendemos que es igual que nosotros, con sus problemas, sus sueños y dificultades, y que es un gran ejemplo a seguir porque lo que él hizo fue seguir su pasión para dedicarse de por vida a lo que siempre deseó hacer: Ser un conferencista. Es una historia muy bonita que me ha gustado mucho, la he releído varias veces —incluso en este momento mientras escribo esta reseña—, y entre más la leo más me encanta su historia de superación.
En resumen, un libro muy bueno que nos ayuda a crecer. Lo leeré varias veces a lo largo de mi vida, y de cada lectura estoy seguro que aprenderé nuevas lecciones porque aprender a tratar a los demás es un camino interminable, y muy difícil de seguir, pero intentar transitarlo vale la pena porque nos traerá grandes beneficios, no solo económicos, sino de todo tipo. Sigue estos consejos y estarás siempre rodeado de grandes amigos, sigue estos consejos y no tendrás enemigos, sigue estos consejos y nunca estarás solo, sigue estos consejos y tendrás una mano amiga que estará siempre dispuesta a ayudarte. Libro que debería ser obligatorio, por tanto es supremamente recomendado.
October 24, 2016
This book is a life changer ! Really, I'm not making this up. This was exactly what I needed. Some things that are described in this book I realized before reading this book, but there were a lot of things I never thought about myself but are so true. I don't like conflicts and I found a lot of tips in this book about this topic..so how not to be in fights with people. Yaaay, my zen is safe! =)
July 17, 2017
This was really the world's first self-help book and undoubtedly helped many people build their self-esteem. It is easy to read and its tenants are easy to follow. The one criticism that many have justly laid on it is the feeling that you are manipulating people into being your friends or accomplices (thus the "win" in the title). As such, the techniques work with a subpopulation of people you run into over the span of your life nut certainly not all of them. And true friendships are about depth and mutual respect so no techniques are required. A more appropriate use of the book is how to behave and fit in in corporate America and for that, other than losing the tie and the hat, manners and ambitions have not changed so much for the book to become irrelevant. I prefer Getting Things Done personally.
August 23, 2008
Sometimes I felt this book was a bit too . . . "used-car-salesmanshippy". There are some good ideas in it, but there are also some things which felt like they were extremely disingenuous. I don't like FAKE people. There are some ideas in here which are quite fake.
December 2, 2021
Tiene mucho mérito escribir un libro así en 1936 y es absolutamente necesario ponerlo en el contexto de la época. El uso del lenguaje no está acorde a los cánones del siglo XXI, por ejemplo. Aún así, he aprendido mucho y he de decir que intentaré poner en práctica muchas de las enseñanzas que he leído. Todo es muy útil y está revestido con un ligero toque de ingenuidad.
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There is much merit in writing such a book in 1936 and it is absolutely necessary to put it in the context of the time. The use of language is not in keeping with 21st century canons, for example. Still, I have learned a lot and I must say that I will try to put into practice many of the lessons I have read. It is all very useful and overlaid with a slight touch of naivety.
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There is much merit in writing such a book in 1936 and it is absolutely necessary to put it in the context of the time. The use of language is not in keeping with 21st century canons, for example. Still, I have learned a lot and I must say that I will try to put into practice many of the lessons I have read. It is all very useful and overlaid with a slight touch of naivety.
October 29, 2025
The book isn’t bad. It deals with a topic I’ve often thought about — whether the method of punishment or the method of reward brings better results. Unfortunately, from personal experience, I can say the first one works better, judging by what school was like and the jobs I’ve had. But that might partly be because of the country I live in. For many years — and honestly, even today — the mafia has taken over every layer of society, and because of that, the idea of “crush others so they’ll respect you” has deeply rooted itself in people’s minds. I think that’s completely wrong, but sadly, that’s the reality.
The book How to Win Friends & Influence People is full of philosophical reflections and quotes from religious texts — ideas that have existed for thousands of years — and yet, it seems not many people have actually listened to them. So I don’t really see why people would start listening now just because they’re written in this book.
It reminds me of a famous quote: “Wisdom and the wise are always forgotten.” When I was younger, I didn’t understand what that meant. I thought — how can wisdom be forgotten when we have access to all kinds of philosophies? The answer is that reading something wise doesn’t make you wiser. Knowing how Socrates lived doesn’t make you even 1% like him. Everything depends on action.
That makes me think of another quote that applies to every religion or philosophy: “X (religion or philosophy) is not just a beautiful poem, but a heavy task.”
So yes, the book is good — you can learn useful things from it — but in my opinion, it’s impractical unless you already think that way. Meaning, if a mobster read it, I doubt he’d suddenly change his behavior. The example might be extreme, but it makes the point.
Pre_read:
I picked up this book because I couldn’t decide what to get, and when I saw “Carnegie,” I confused the author with Andrew Carnegie. I got curious about what one of the richest men who ever lived might have written. Unfortunately, the author turned out to be Dale Carnegie—but still, it sounds interesting.
The book How to Win Friends & Influence People is full of philosophical reflections and quotes from religious texts — ideas that have existed for thousands of years — and yet, it seems not many people have actually listened to them. So I don’t really see why people would start listening now just because they’re written in this book.
It reminds me of a famous quote: “Wisdom and the wise are always forgotten.” When I was younger, I didn’t understand what that meant. I thought — how can wisdom be forgotten when we have access to all kinds of philosophies? The answer is that reading something wise doesn’t make you wiser. Knowing how Socrates lived doesn’t make you even 1% like him. Everything depends on action.
That makes me think of another quote that applies to every religion or philosophy: “X (religion or philosophy) is not just a beautiful poem, but a heavy task.”
So yes, the book is good — you can learn useful things from it — but in my opinion, it’s impractical unless you already think that way. Meaning, if a mobster read it, I doubt he’d suddenly change his behavior. The example might be extreme, but it makes the point.
Pre_read:
I picked up this book because I couldn’t decide what to get, and when I saw “Carnegie,” I confused the author with Andrew Carnegie. I got curious about what one of the richest men who ever lived might have written. Unfortunately, the author turned out to be Dale Carnegie—but still, it sounds interesting.
Read
March 16, 2018Reading between the lines and paying attention to the biographical details you realise that Carnegie never was a successful salesman himself. Success only came late in life when he was teaching an evening school class on the topic of how to win friends and influence people. His students would share their stories about changes in thinking or attitude which had changed their lives, these then made their way in to the book. Once the book was published readers would send in their own stories which were added to later editions.
As a result the book is a collection of anecdotes, many of which have people changing their circumstances or changing their lives by changing the way they thought, but all the same you think that the unending pile of washing up featured in one story always remains an unending pile of washing up whether you enjoy it, despise it, value it or feel oppressed by it. Still, the book keys into a timeless message that you may not be able to change reality, but you can certainly change the way you think about it.
On the sinister side this is a book that celebrates positive thinking, which is to say that it ignores a realistic appraisal of the world in favour of having your cake and eating it, on one level this is a fairly harmless book on another it tends towards The Secret and the belief that others and oneself are to blame if you die when a ferry sinks, or if you are persecuted, or if you develop cancer because plainly such things only happen because you weren't positive enough . Barbara Ehrenreich discusses this all very nicely in Smile or Die.
It is only a short book and won't harm you if you give it a read, but despite the title doesn't have a lot of advice on how to win friends or influence people. A good book to lend to people with a big smile as they will suspect that you are trying to win their friendship and/or influence them the beerfree way.
As a result the book is a collection of anecdotes, many of which have people changing their circumstances or changing their lives by changing the way they thought, but all the same you think that the unending pile of washing up featured in one story always remains an unending pile of washing up whether you enjoy it, despise it, value it or feel oppressed by it. Still, the book keys into a timeless message that you may not be able to change reality, but you can certainly change the way you think about it.
On the sinister side this is a book that celebrates positive thinking, which is to say that it ignores a realistic appraisal of the world in favour of having your cake and eating it, on one level this is a fairly harmless book on another it tends towards The Secret and the belief that others and oneself are to blame if you die when a ferry sinks, or if you are persecuted, or if you develop cancer because plainly such things only happen because you weren't positive enough . Barbara Ehrenreich discusses this all very nicely in Smile or Die.
It is only a short book and won't harm you if you give it a read, but despite the title doesn't have a lot of advice on how to win friends or influence people. A good book to lend to people with a big smile as they will suspect that you are trying to win their friendship and/or influence them the beerfree way.
November 16, 2007
This book is a guide to life. I think several people should be required to read this book at least once. Teachers, emotional teenagers, employers, employees, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, friends, neighbors, politicians etc...
I truly found this book oddly entertaining. Although it is a self-improvement type book, I couldn't put it down. Through the examples of many famous and successful people throughout history, this book teaches us how to work with others and be nice. I sincerely believed that my ability to effectively communicate and work with other people improved exponentially through reading this book and putting what I learned into action.
I love this book and am going to require that my children read it before they get a job, a drivers' license, or a date.
I truly found this book oddly entertaining. Although it is a self-improvement type book, I couldn't put it down. Through the examples of many famous and successful people throughout history, this book teaches us how to work with others and be nice. I sincerely believed that my ability to effectively communicate and work with other people improved exponentially through reading this book and putting what I learned into action.
I love this book and am going to require that my children read it before they get a job, a drivers' license, or a date.
June 30, 2008
Overall:
A well written book with a lot of examples, including many of good folks from the history and many without any citation, but none-the-less seem real. The examples are written so that the message goes across well. Repetition is avoided. The stuff mentioned is pretty obvious and simple, but important and often ignored. Worth reading multiple times as the preface recommends.
TEXT DELETED
105 SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
PRINCIPLE 1: Become genuinely interested in other people.
PRINCIPLE 2: Smile
PRINCIPLE 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
PRINCIPLE 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
PRINCIPLE 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
PRINCIPLE 6: Make the other person feel important–and do it sincerely.
110 You cannot win an argument
Why not let him save his face? He didn’t ask for your opinion. He didn’t want it. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle. Don’t forget this lesson!
I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument—and that is to avoid it.
You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will always resent your triumph and “a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still…”
112 Which would you rather have, an academic theatrical victory or a person’s good will? You can seldom have both.
Buddha said, “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,” and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cute the bite.
114 How to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument:
1. Welcome the disagreement: Remember the slogan, “When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.” If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
2. Distrust your first instinctive impressions: Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not at your best.
3. Control your temper: Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.
4. Listen first; Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend, or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstanding.
5. Look for areas of agreement: When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.
6. Be honest: Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.
7. Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully: and mean it! Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”
8. Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest: Anyone who takes the time to adisagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
9. Postpone actions to give both sides time to think through the problem: Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear to preparation for this meeting, ask yourself some hard questions.
Could my opponents be right? Partly right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument? Is my reaction one that will relieve the problem or will it just relieve any frustration? Will my reaction drive my opponents further away or draw them closer to me? Will my reaction elevate the estimation good people have of me? Will I win or lose? What price will I have to pay if I win? If I am quiet about it, what the disagreement blow over? Is this difficult situation an opportunity for me?
PRINCIPLE 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
MORE LATER...
A well written book with a lot of examples, including many of good folks from the history and many without any citation, but none-the-less seem real. The examples are written so that the message goes across well. Repetition is avoided. The stuff mentioned is pretty obvious and simple, but important and often ignored. Worth reading multiple times as the preface recommends.
TEXT DELETED
105 SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
PRINCIPLE 1: Become genuinely interested in other people.
PRINCIPLE 2: Smile
PRINCIPLE 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
PRINCIPLE 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
PRINCIPLE 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
PRINCIPLE 6: Make the other person feel important–and do it sincerely.
110 You cannot win an argument
Why not let him save his face? He didn’t ask for your opinion. He didn’t want it. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle. Don’t forget this lesson!
I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument—and that is to avoid it.
You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will always resent your triumph and “a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still…”
112 Which would you rather have, an academic theatrical victory or a person’s good will? You can seldom have both.
Buddha said, “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,” and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cute the bite.
114 How to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument:
1. Welcome the disagreement: Remember the slogan, “When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.” If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
2. Distrust your first instinctive impressions: Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not at your best.
3. Control your temper: Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.
4. Listen first; Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend, or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstanding.
5. Look for areas of agreement: When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.
6. Be honest: Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.
7. Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully: and mean it! Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”
8. Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest: Anyone who takes the time to adisagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
9. Postpone actions to give both sides time to think through the problem: Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear to preparation for this meeting, ask yourself some hard questions.
Could my opponents be right? Partly right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument? Is my reaction one that will relieve the problem or will it just relieve any frustration? Will my reaction drive my opponents further away or draw them closer to me? Will my reaction elevate the estimation good people have of me? Will I win or lose? What price will I have to pay if I win? If I am quiet about it, what the disagreement blow over? Is this difficult situation an opportunity for me?
PRINCIPLE 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
MORE LATER...
March 15, 2009
Why did I read this book?
We’ve all heard of it. But none of us have ever really read it.
And I know why. It was originally published in 1936. How can it possibly be relevant in 2009?
Plus these types of advice, self-help, new-agey textbooks reek of banal, trite, clichéd, stereotypical drivel. We’re too good for that. They seem a little cheesy at least. They’re all like The Secret, right?
We don’t want to sip on watered down hotel iced tea and listen to Zig Ziglar. We want to take a toke of a high-grade sativa strain and listen to some Creedence tapes!
Regardless of my skepticism and cynicism, I found How to Win Friends and Influence People to be extremely applicable and relevant.
First of all, a note on the title: “How to Win Friends” is not accurate. It’s not at all about winning friends in the sense that we modern youths would consider a friend. Carnegie seems “how to win friends” to mean the “accumulation of calculated, beneficial relationships.”
I feel very strongly that “friends” are the people we can be dicks to, the people we can get drunk with, yell at, act stupid, and not have to worry about the third of six ways to make people like you (remember their name). Everyone else? Everyone else you’re actually nice to (bosses, co-workers, certain family members, people you pass on the street) are not friends. Friends are the people you can tell to fuck off and they’ll still drive you to the airport at 6am the next day. This book is how to deal with everyone else with seemingly-obvious principles such as smile, be a good listener, talk in terms of other people’s interests, and make the other person feel important.
So friends, not so much. But how to influence people, yes.
Carnegie’s seminal work is packed full of anecdotal evidence illuminating the principle of each chapter and reinforced with a healthy peppering of Emerson quotes:
“Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”
Though written in 1936, HTWFAIF is refreshingly relevant in a modern age marked by the dichotomy between incredible scientific accomplishments, brilliant discoveries, understanding, knowledge, curiosity, but yet a stunted ability to talk and peacefully coexist with those we disagree.
Take, for instance, Carnegie’s encouragement to dramatize your intentions in order for them to be recognized and accepted:
“This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.”
And on the eighth day, God created cable news.
Carnegie thwarts our skepticism about the nobility of his intentions and promises that he is no self-help scammer, a Kevin Trudeau, Carnegie promises, he is not:
“The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life.”
And for the most part, I have to agree with Carnegie. I like this book. Its advice and suggestions are totally useful and effective. We tend to consider ourselves living in grim times, what with the wars, crumbling economy, job losses, and uncertain future, why not have a little possitivity and engaged enthusiasm for our fellow man?
And Carnegie even foretold a danger in our current time. He warns us of Obama:
“The ability to speak is a shortcut to distinction. It puts a person in the limelight, raises one head and shoulders above the crowd. And the person who can speak acceptably is usually given credit for an ability out of all proportion to what he or she really possesses.”
Uh oh.
We’ve all heard of it. But none of us have ever really read it.
And I know why. It was originally published in 1936. How can it possibly be relevant in 2009?
Plus these types of advice, self-help, new-agey textbooks reek of banal, trite, clichéd, stereotypical drivel. We’re too good for that. They seem a little cheesy at least. They’re all like The Secret, right?
We don’t want to sip on watered down hotel iced tea and listen to Zig Ziglar. We want to take a toke of a high-grade sativa strain and listen to some Creedence tapes!
Regardless of my skepticism and cynicism, I found How to Win Friends and Influence People to be extremely applicable and relevant.
First of all, a note on the title: “How to Win Friends” is not accurate. It’s not at all about winning friends in the sense that we modern youths would consider a friend. Carnegie seems “how to win friends” to mean the “accumulation of calculated, beneficial relationships.”
I feel very strongly that “friends” are the people we can be dicks to, the people we can get drunk with, yell at, act stupid, and not have to worry about the third of six ways to make people like you (remember their name). Everyone else? Everyone else you’re actually nice to (bosses, co-workers, certain family members, people you pass on the street) are not friends. Friends are the people you can tell to fuck off and they’ll still drive you to the airport at 6am the next day. This book is how to deal with everyone else with seemingly-obvious principles such as smile, be a good listener, talk in terms of other people’s interests, and make the other person feel important.
So friends, not so much. But how to influence people, yes.
Carnegie’s seminal work is packed full of anecdotal evidence illuminating the principle of each chapter and reinforced with a healthy peppering of Emerson quotes:
“Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”
Though written in 1936, HTWFAIF is refreshingly relevant in a modern age marked by the dichotomy between incredible scientific accomplishments, brilliant discoveries, understanding, knowledge, curiosity, but yet a stunted ability to talk and peacefully coexist with those we disagree.
Take, for instance, Carnegie’s encouragement to dramatize your intentions in order for them to be recognized and accepted:
“This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.”
And on the eighth day, God created cable news.
Carnegie thwarts our skepticism about the nobility of his intentions and promises that he is no self-help scammer, a Kevin Trudeau, Carnegie promises, he is not:
“The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life.”
And for the most part, I have to agree with Carnegie. I like this book. Its advice and suggestions are totally useful and effective. We tend to consider ourselves living in grim times, what with the wars, crumbling economy, job losses, and uncertain future, why not have a little possitivity and engaged enthusiasm for our fellow man?
And Carnegie even foretold a danger in our current time. He warns us of Obama:
“The ability to speak is a shortcut to distinction. It puts a person in the limelight, raises one head and shoulders above the crowd. And the person who can speak acceptably is usually given credit for an ability out of all proportion to what he or she really possesses.”
Uh oh.
September 28, 2015
This book presents one of the classic statements of popular psychology oriented around positive self-image, self reliance, and cooperative relationships with others. It is one of the most popular and influential books of its type ever and provided the foundations for contemporary self-help celebrities, such as Oprah Winfrey, as well as much of current motivational and organizational psychology that one finds in current business school curricula.
What to make of it? I tend to side with the critics, who are numerous. It is difficult to argue with the basic points of the book, taken at a surface level. Most people enjoy being respected, agreed with, and successful. Confidence and self-reliance are no doubt important personal characteristics in personal success. Many people do not enjoy conflict or being disagreed with and would prefer instead cooperative relations with others. OK, but so what?
The problem comes once it is realized that Carnegie is highlighting an ambivalence that is inherent in many of our social relationships. On the one hand, we can interact with people on their own terms and without expectations of obligations, duties, or norms of reciprocity. We can deal with and respect people as they are. On the other hand, however, much of what we do in social life involves either trying to accomplish something through other people or having other people trying to use us to accomplish something of importance to them. In trying to balance these two aspects of social relations, most of us become aware of the need to balance. We do not usually treat commercial relationships as close friends. We do not draw up elaborate performance-based contracts with loved ones such as family members. The problem is that people who expect to be treated as independent persons do not appreciate being used by others for some personal end. It is conceptually difficult to see how someone can be both taken authentically and respected as a person while at the same time being viewed as an agent for someone else. Family members and loved ones do not like to be used. Commercial partners do not appreciate being treated as friends when more immediate personal goals were the basis for interactions.
Many adults learn to balance these differing perspectives towards others. Sometimes we treat others at arms length while at other times friendships can develop. Carnegie's classic work calls on the reader to both treat people on their own terms and also to attempt to influence them to get their cooperation in attaining one's objectives. Without more specification of how and where to balance, however, the book becomes a more cynical effort to redefine the problem of positive social relations in the form of a solution -- in order to influence people and get your way, treat them authentically. The rub, of course, is how to go about doing this. It is akin to arguing that the solution to poverty is easy -- just get some money!
The faux sincerity and false positivity in the service of influencing others come across as phony and manipulative after a while. This recalls another old maxim - if something seems to good to be true, it probably is too good to be true. The oversimplified examples and testimonials also get old in a hurry. The reduction of large business enterprises and their managers to a series of positive work interactions with employees is simplistic at well. The details matter, individual skills matter, industry structures matter, history matters. It is nice to imagine that a positive attitude can conquer all and bring one riches. That lets a lot of other factors off the hook for explaining success or failure. But wishing it is so does not make it so. The more I read it, the more it sounds like a text on manipulation and less like an industrial manual.
What to make of it? I tend to side with the critics, who are numerous. It is difficult to argue with the basic points of the book, taken at a surface level. Most people enjoy being respected, agreed with, and successful. Confidence and self-reliance are no doubt important personal characteristics in personal success. Many people do not enjoy conflict or being disagreed with and would prefer instead cooperative relations with others. OK, but so what?
The problem comes once it is realized that Carnegie is highlighting an ambivalence that is inherent in many of our social relationships. On the one hand, we can interact with people on their own terms and without expectations of obligations, duties, or norms of reciprocity. We can deal with and respect people as they are. On the other hand, however, much of what we do in social life involves either trying to accomplish something through other people or having other people trying to use us to accomplish something of importance to them. In trying to balance these two aspects of social relations, most of us become aware of the need to balance. We do not usually treat commercial relationships as close friends. We do not draw up elaborate performance-based contracts with loved ones such as family members. The problem is that people who expect to be treated as independent persons do not appreciate being used by others for some personal end. It is conceptually difficult to see how someone can be both taken authentically and respected as a person while at the same time being viewed as an agent for someone else. Family members and loved ones do not like to be used. Commercial partners do not appreciate being treated as friends when more immediate personal goals were the basis for interactions.
Many adults learn to balance these differing perspectives towards others. Sometimes we treat others at arms length while at other times friendships can develop. Carnegie's classic work calls on the reader to both treat people on their own terms and also to attempt to influence them to get their cooperation in attaining one's objectives. Without more specification of how and where to balance, however, the book becomes a more cynical effort to redefine the problem of positive social relations in the form of a solution -- in order to influence people and get your way, treat them authentically. The rub, of course, is how to go about doing this. It is akin to arguing that the solution to poverty is easy -- just get some money!
The faux sincerity and false positivity in the service of influencing others come across as phony and manipulative after a while. This recalls another old maxim - if something seems to good to be true, it probably is too good to be true. The oversimplified examples and testimonials also get old in a hurry. The reduction of large business enterprises and their managers to a series of positive work interactions with employees is simplistic at well. The details matter, individual skills matter, industry structures matter, history matters. It is nice to imagine that a positive attitude can conquer all and bring one riches. That lets a lot of other factors off the hook for explaining success or failure. But wishing it is so does not make it so. The more I read it, the more it sounds like a text on manipulation and less like an industrial manual.
February 22, 2020
I've heard, I wash told, I have read how amazing 'The Book' of Dale Carnegie for years and always wanted to read it. And I finally did. And it came nothing short of living up to the world class reputation it has. Mr. Carnegie explains the concepts behind influencing people, not as a bag of tricks, but as a true way of life. All the chapters contain highly self-explanatory examples to help readers understand each principle. In my opinion, this is one of the books one must read in his or her lifetime, preferably at the earliest.
March 15, 2024
4.0 ⭐
GENRE - NON FICTION/SELF HELP.
This book was published in 1936 which makes it quite a old book to read, the author has made a good attempt in explaining how you can actually win friends and influence people with the help of Stories, examples and quotes.
Altough I had too much of high expectations from this book however the points discussed in the book did convince to a great extent what are the important factors to influence the opposite person, I personally facing a lot of issues in relationships due to the bluntness in my speech was able to find answers to a certain extent.
Well it's a self help book at the end of the day, this book shall suit your cause unless and until you honestly accept your shortcomings and practice what has been preached in this book on your surroundings.
Thank you 😊
GENRE - NON FICTION/SELF HELP.
This book was published in 1936 which makes it quite a old book to read, the author has made a good attempt in explaining how you can actually win friends and influence people with the help of Stories, examples and quotes.
Altough I had too much of high expectations from this book however the points discussed in the book did convince to a great extent what are the important factors to influence the opposite person, I personally facing a lot of issues in relationships due to the bluntness in my speech was able to find answers to a certain extent.
Well it's a self help book at the end of the day, this book shall suit your cause unless and until you honestly accept your shortcomings and practice what has been preached in this book on your surroundings.
Thank you 😊
August 7, 2018
فن التعامل مع الناس
1- لا تحكم على الناس سريعا ..النقد اللاذع لا يحبه احد ويأتى بنتائج عكسيه
2- اكثِر من كلمات الثناء والمدح للآخرين ، يحبك من حولك
3- فكر دائما فيما يريده الآخر لا فيما تريده انت وافعله ، ضع نفسك مكان من حولك
4- اهتم بالناس قبل ان تطلب منهم الاهتمام بك
5- اجعل الشخص الاخر يشعر باهميته
6- من الخطأ ان تقول لشخص انه خطأ
7- توسل بالرفق واللين وابتعد عن الغضب والعنف
8- اسال اسئله تحصل من خلالها على الاجابه بنعم (طريقة سقراط )
9- دع الشخص الاخر يشعر ان الفكره هى فكرته
10- توسل الى الدوافع النبيله
11- اذا اردت ان تملك زمام الناس دون ان تسئ اليهم ..اذكر لهم الاخطاء بشكل غير مباشر
12- تحدث عن اخطائك اولا قبل انتقاد الاخر
13- قدم اقتراحات مهذبه بدلا من اصدار اوامر صريحه
14- دع الشخص الاخر يحتفظ بماء وجهه
15- اعرف نفسك وكن نفسك ولا تحاول التشبه بغيرك
16- احص نعم الله عليك بدلا من ان تحصى متاعبك
1- لا تحكم على الناس سريعا ..النقد اللاذع لا يحبه احد ويأتى بنتائج عكسيه
2- اكثِر من كلمات الثناء والمدح للآخرين ، يحبك من حولك
3- فكر دائما فيما يريده الآخر لا فيما تريده انت وافعله ، ضع نفسك مكان من حولك
4- اهتم بالناس قبل ان تطلب منهم الاهتمام بك
5- اجعل الشخص الاخر يشعر باهميته
6- من الخطأ ان تقول لشخص انه خطأ
7- توسل بالرفق واللين وابتعد عن الغضب والعنف
8- اسال اسئله تحصل من خلالها على الاجابه بنعم (طريقة سقراط )
9- دع الشخص الاخر يشعر ان الفكره هى فكرته
10- توسل الى الدوافع النبيله
11- اذا اردت ان تملك زمام الناس دون ان تسئ اليهم ..اذكر لهم الاخطاء بشكل غير مباشر
12- تحدث عن اخطائك اولا قبل انتقاد الاخر
13- قدم اقتراحات مهذبه بدلا من اصدار اوامر صريحه
14- دع الشخص الاخر يحتفظ بماء وجهه
15- اعرف نفسك وكن نفسك ولا تحاول التشبه بغيرك
16- احص نعم الله عليك بدلا من ان تحصى متاعبك
May 8, 2020
2.5 *
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