Real: The Power of Authentic Connection

by Catherine O'Kane, Duane O'Kane

Stop pursuing happiness and discover the joy of being fully alive through authentic, vulnerable connection.

This inspirational, life-changing book reveals how most of our struggles in life are relationship struggles. Depression, anxiety, mental and physical illness, low self-esteem, high divorce rates, and all the myriad ways we explain our pain are more a result of lack of real relationships. We don't know how to connect, and the ways we go about attempting to do so often contribute to the problem. We hide, pretend and defend instead of being real. Connection is the doorway to being fully alive, and it is only one vulnerable step away in any given moment.

In this book, Duane and Catherine take the reader through an intimate journey using exercises and examples from their personal and professional lives. Practical tools are shared, including 5 skills of emotional responsibility, and the 4 step 'getting real' process to correct the self-limiting beliefs and feelings that are at the root of our relationship dilemmas. This book provides a road map back to a fully connected life for all of those who have suffered in isolation.

230 pages, Paperback

Published November 17, 2016

Reviews

[Tom Elliott · Rating 5 out of 5]

In "Real" Duane and Catherine O'Kane offer to the world a condensed version of the profound insights that they have shared with thousands of their clients, including me, through their personal counseling and workshops based in Langley, British Columbia, Canada.

This book truly is a goodread. Duane and Catherine use examples from their own.lives and their own intimate relationship to illustrate the main point: that anxiety is a learned phenomenon caused by "wounds" or SOSs = (suspicions of self) that are acquired during the crucial formative years and how our covering-up of these wounds adversely affects our relationships. The authors go on to offer a tried and proven formula for healing of those wounds: the establishment of vulnerable connection through the use of clean honest communication language that does not blame and that is self-referenced. Real also offers practical exercises for dealing with upsets and triggers as they crop up in daily life.

[Mandy Adams · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has changed how I now look at all the relationships in my life. This book is so beautifully written. Within a day of reading REAL I used some of the tools outlined in the book.......... WOW!!!! An argument with my boyfriend in the past, that would have lasted for days or even weeks was resolved in a few hours. I felt empowered because I had done something different. If what your doing in relationships is not working and you are fed up and frustrated , read REAL it can change your life. Taking a real deep look at ourselves is the key to growth. I had many aha moments reading each chapter.
I am training with CLEARMIND international based out of langley, British Columbia Canada, to become a Counseller and this book will be the first of many reads I will recommend to clients.

[Mary Beth · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thank you for the copy of this book which I received from the GoodReads giveaway. I read about half of it before losing interest. In general, self help type books are not my thing. I'll likely pass it along to my son who is interested in psychology. I did find the personal reflections interesting.

[Leanna Madill · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are desiring change in the world or in your life, I highly recommend reading REAL by Catherine and Duane O'Kane. Their powerful words: "We are always in relationship" highlights our connections with friends, neighbors, colleagues, lovers, family- and they provide the reader with an empowering, possible, hopeful approach to trying something new in those relationships; their suggestion of getting to really know your own self- including your unconscious self- and bringing that vulnerable self into relationships is a daring, bold and exciting journey to embark upon. This adventure requires courage, and willingness but promises authenticity, connection and freedom. Duane and Catherine provide practical, accessible stories, examples and even processes to help readers recognize, consider and practice emotional accountability and step closer to themselves and others. Their approach has transformed my life and relationships over the past six years and I am grateful that their work is now available in this book.
Leanna Madill, PhD, RPC

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I attended a course run by the authors and read this book while going through quite a difficult cancer journey. Both the course and book showed me all the ways in which I was blocking love from my life and I realised how lonely I actually was.I worked hard on opening my heart and letting those around me in. This book gives you real practical tools to do this. While I left the medical side of things to the doctors I took the spiritual side of things into my own hands.I am now in remission. It was love that got me through. Thank you Catherine and Duane for helping the world to connect again.

[Steven James · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was extremely hard to get through, though I am completely unsure why.
Information in this book is helpful and eye opening at times, but the delivery felt fairly flat and aimless. Maybe out of my own ignorance, quoting it’s own work when it was literally written a paragraph before felt like an odd echo to drive a point that might not necessarily been relevant.
In the end, the authors do provide some helpful tools and personal communication techniques that are helpful in engaging with oneself. Which is something we could all use and makes it worth reading just for that.

[Degan Walters · Rating 1 out of 5]

I hated this book. It took me so long to finish it because my therapist recommended it and I thought it would be useful but it is terribly written, the concepts poorly explained and far too heavy in the smug personal anecdotes. I appreciate some of the concepts but mostly only after having experienced them through a mediator / therapist.

[John Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simple clear insight into the practical steps to achieve real authentic connection. To take responsibility for my own happiness and better connect with the people around me.

[Shelley · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5
The concept of suspicion of self’ (flawed, feeling guilt, shame ) resonated….it’s not me, it’s YOU 😉