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Ethical Porn for Dicks: A Man s Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure
Our media is filled with confusing, polarizing messages about the dangers of porn, while at the same time sexually explicit images are pronounced in advertising and entertainment. Using a natural question/answer format for people feeling fear and shame about porn use, this accessible, funny, and well-informed book is the first one to offer men a nonjudgmental way to discover how to view and use pornography responsibly. David J. Ley , PhD, is an internationally recognized expert on issues related to sexuality and mental health. He has authored two books, published in the Los Angeles Times and Playboy , and appeared on television with Anderson Cooper and Dr. Phil.
250 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 7, 2016
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649 people want to read
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February 6, 2017
I attended a Christian high school for two years and a Christian college for two years. In both places, I was required to attend chapel three times a week. Without fail, at least once or twice a year, we’d have a chapel dedicated to “gender-specific issues.” In other words, male and female students would be separated: women in one room to discuss eating disorders, and men in another to talk about porn and masturbation.
The chapels bothered me for many reasons. I hated that the school leaders assumed that these were the most pressing issues students were facing. I hated that the chapel speakers talked about sex in such a negative way. I hated that they assumed women didn’t masturbate or think about sex. I hated that they reinforced the idea that sex, masturbation, and lust were shameful. And I hated how this shaming talk encouraged self-loathing, silence, and ignorance. I can’t tell you how many times I heard adult women say that they would only have anal sex because they still wanted to be virgins when they got married. Or that condoms didn’t protect you from diseases so you may as well not wear one. I can’t tell you how many people I knew, especially men, who had extreme guilt about even thinking about sex–let alone about watching porn, or, gasp, actually doing the deed. It was reinforced again and again that sex was bad, bad, bad. Don’t think about it, don’t want it, don’t educate yourself about it. Keep it out of your mind… That is, until you get married, and then sex will be magically transformed into a beautiful physical exchange of love between two spiritual beings. Insert flower and sunshine emojis here! But until then: SEX IS SIN!
It’s sad, crazy talk. And it makes people sad. And crazy. We can do better than that.
So I was eager to read Dr. Ley’s book Ethical Porn for Dicks. The book isn’t really written for women, but who cares. I figured I’d learn some things, and I did. My takeaway from this book, first and foremost, is that it’s okay to be a sexual being. It’s okay to have sexual fantasies. It’s okay to masturbate. It’s okay to masturbate while watching porn. There’s a whole wide range of what “normal” sexual behavior is. If you are a happy, healthy, functioning adult who watches porn, great. Keep on keepin’ on, you know?
Ultimately, porn–like alcohol or money or food or exercise–is a neutral thing on its own. But if you start having bad feelings about your use of porn, chances are there is something going on in YOU that needs to be addressed. Getting to the root of any religious guilt and understanding how it shapes how you view yourself is obviously a good place to start. But even on a less intense level, sometimes people use porn as a distraction from or a coping mechanism for handling problems they don’t want to face. Using porn as stress-relief is fine, but not if you are using it to avoid important issues in your life.
And if porn is something your significant other keeps bringing up, there’s probably something going on between the two of you (something that might not even have anything to do with sex) that needs to be talked about. Sometimes it can be easier to blame porn than, say, deal with the fact that you both have been disengaged from your marriage for years.
For the most part, porn is just porn. On its own, it can absolutely be a component of a healthy sex life. But it’s all that other baggage we put on porn that gives us trouble. Which is why Ley emphasizes the importance of gentle and honest communication and nonjudgmental listening, of being truthful and up front–with yourself and with your partner–so you can recognize and eliminate that baggage so it stops being (or maybe doesn’t even begin to become) an issue.
In short, I enjoyed reading this book. Ley’s no-nonsense approach is refreshing and accepting. He’s clear and direct about how you can (and why you should) use porn in a healthy, ethical, and responsible way. If only he could have been one of our chapel speakers way back when…
ARC received through Amazon Vine.
See more of my book reviews at www.BugBugBooks.com.
The chapels bothered me for many reasons. I hated that the school leaders assumed that these were the most pressing issues students were facing. I hated that the chapel speakers talked about sex in such a negative way. I hated that they assumed women didn’t masturbate or think about sex. I hated that they reinforced the idea that sex, masturbation, and lust were shameful. And I hated how this shaming talk encouraged self-loathing, silence, and ignorance. I can’t tell you how many times I heard adult women say that they would only have anal sex because they still wanted to be virgins when they got married. Or that condoms didn’t protect you from diseases so you may as well not wear one. I can’t tell you how many people I knew, especially men, who had extreme guilt about even thinking about sex–let alone about watching porn, or, gasp, actually doing the deed. It was reinforced again and again that sex was bad, bad, bad. Don’t think about it, don’t want it, don’t educate yourself about it. Keep it out of your mind… That is, until you get married, and then sex will be magically transformed into a beautiful physical exchange of love between two spiritual beings. Insert flower and sunshine emojis here! But until then: SEX IS SIN!
It’s sad, crazy talk. And it makes people sad. And crazy. We can do better than that.
So I was eager to read Dr. Ley’s book Ethical Porn for Dicks. The book isn’t really written for women, but who cares. I figured I’d learn some things, and I did. My takeaway from this book, first and foremost, is that it’s okay to be a sexual being. It’s okay to have sexual fantasies. It’s okay to masturbate. It’s okay to masturbate while watching porn. There’s a whole wide range of what “normal” sexual behavior is. If you are a happy, healthy, functioning adult who watches porn, great. Keep on keepin’ on, you know?
Ultimately, porn–like alcohol or money or food or exercise–is a neutral thing on its own. But if you start having bad feelings about your use of porn, chances are there is something going on in YOU that needs to be addressed. Getting to the root of any religious guilt and understanding how it shapes how you view yourself is obviously a good place to start. But even on a less intense level, sometimes people use porn as a distraction from or a coping mechanism for handling problems they don’t want to face. Using porn as stress-relief is fine, but not if you are using it to avoid important issues in your life.
And if porn is something your significant other keeps bringing up, there’s probably something going on between the two of you (something that might not even have anything to do with sex) that needs to be talked about. Sometimes it can be easier to blame porn than, say, deal with the fact that you both have been disengaged from your marriage for years.
For the most part, porn is just porn. On its own, it can absolutely be a component of a healthy sex life. But it’s all that other baggage we put on porn that gives us trouble. Which is why Ley emphasizes the importance of gentle and honest communication and nonjudgmental listening, of being truthful and up front–with yourself and with your partner–so you can recognize and eliminate that baggage so it stops being (or maybe doesn’t even begin to become) an issue.
In short, I enjoyed reading this book. Ley’s no-nonsense approach is refreshing and accepting. He’s clear and direct about how you can (and why you should) use porn in a healthy, ethical, and responsible way. If only he could have been one of our chapel speakers way back when…
ARC received through Amazon Vine.
See more of my book reviews at www.BugBugBooks.com.
December 26, 2018
As a Christian, I was very outspoken when it came to one's sexuality. I remember being the first among peers to express my 'struggle' with porn. I thought it was important, to be honest. I was fairly good at abstaining from pornography and masturbation in general. That abstinence, however, was and is unnatural. Masturbation is not mentioned in the Bible, notably. BUT - addiction is, so they say. And hence masturbation is prohibited (since it's supposedly addictive behavior). Think about that next time you're sipping on your coffee or scrolling your Instagram newsfeed first thing in the morning. Logical inconsistencies among believers are so obvious & present that I am starting to think that there's no point in arguing with them - I have confessed this to my peers. Perhaps it's a fault - but having good friends that think you'll be damned for eternity for being born into a sinful condition, is not?
Christendom has done its fair share to embrace the view that virginity should be cherished above most things. When I was a believer I stressed that importance for good reasons. It's all over the Bible. Paul is obsessed with sexuality. Who wouldn't be? It's entrenched in our DNA - passing on our genes is the reason that you & I are alive. Being sexual is the result of very natural biological traits being passed down from species to species.
Soon the day will come when people talk empirically, but it is not this day. Sex addiction is a myth. It's Pseudoscience. Porn addiction is not real. Mark Driscoll, John Piper, & Craig Groeschell are brain-washed when it comes to pseudoscienctific claims about our neurology.
David J. Ley writes about childhood and porn, extreme porn, bondage porn, homosexual porn, and almost every other category. He addresses the research and religious fanatics that come at him expressing distaste with porn. If someone ever again tells me people are aggressive because they watch porn I'll just have to give them this book. Hopefully, they are capable of reading.
Christendom has done its fair share to embrace the view that virginity should be cherished above most things. When I was a believer I stressed that importance for good reasons. It's all over the Bible. Paul is obsessed with sexuality. Who wouldn't be? It's entrenched in our DNA - passing on our genes is the reason that you & I are alive. Being sexual is the result of very natural biological traits being passed down from species to species.
Soon the day will come when people talk empirically, but it is not this day. Sex addiction is a myth. It's Pseudoscience. Porn addiction is not real. Mark Driscoll, John Piper, & Craig Groeschell are brain-washed when it comes to pseudoscienctific claims about our neurology.
David J. Ley writes about childhood and porn, extreme porn, bondage porn, homosexual porn, and almost every other category. He addresses the research and religious fanatics that come at him expressing distaste with porn. If someone ever again tells me people are aggressive because they watch porn I'll just have to give them this book. Hopefully, they are capable of reading.
January 14, 2022
***Goodreads Giveaway win review***
This book is about human sexuality. It's about watching porn and making love ethically. What is ethically. Simply put make sure your partners and porn you watch are consensual and legal. Read the book if you want to learn about why sex is not a bad thing. It is how ever something that people need to put some thought into.
This book is about human sexuality. It's about watching porn and making love ethically. What is ethically. Simply put make sure your partners and porn you watch are consensual and legal. Read the book if you want to learn about why sex is not a bad thing. It is how ever something that people need to put some thought into.
Read
August 25, 2016I’ll start right off the bat with full disclosure. I know the author, David Ley and I am a big fan of his work and his previous books. I am mentioned in a list of people David thanks in his acknowledgements. So, if you are looking for a review that starts with a stance of rabidly anti-porn, this isn’t it. What you will get is my honest opinion of the book.
The short version of my review is this – it is fantastic. Stop reading this review, get a copy, and start reading it right now. Everyone.
The book is an incredibly easy read. Ley writes in a casual, friendly style, as if he’s just having a conversation with you. This isn’t a book that sets out to prove its points with piles of detailed research. However, Ley easily references current research without getting bogged down in technical details. There is a list of sources in that back that you can use to delve deeply into the science or completely ignore. A fun bonus feature is the scattering of petro-porn – petroglyph images depicting sex and sexuality.
It is clear from the outset that this book’s primary purpose is not defending porn. Ley’s starting point is that porn is neither inherently good nor bad. What matters is how it is made and used. I doubt that it will convince many, if any, staunchly anti-porn folks to change their mind. What is will do is help people that use or want to use porn but struggle with any number of issues related to its use. Ley navigates through a wide variety of topics including societal norms, frequency of use, types of porn, issues about the porn industry and those employed by it, porn use in relationships, potential legal issues, conflict with personal or religious values, and physiological impacts such as brain changes, erectile dysfunction, and the “death grip.”
There are a lot of fantastic takeaways in this book. For me, one of the most important is that there is actually a lot we can do in regards to the ethics of porn use. It isn’t an all or nothing proposition. We can make choices that are more responsible and ethical both for ourselves in the moment and that push the larger concept of porn to behave more ethically. Ley shows us how.
There is at least one negative takeaway for men. Ley states that the most common fantasy in the U.S. is a three way with 2 women. While evidence suggests that 70-90% of men report having this fantasy less than 5% of the male population actually experiences it. That’s a lot of disappointed guys!
This book will appeal to a lot of audiences despite the fact that this book is targeted at men for reasons Ley discusses in his book. It can help women see new perspectives on why men use porn that are very different from the societal messages that tell women it is because you “aren’t enough” or the reasons currently being almost hysterically screamed in a state of panic in the media and politics today. That shared understanding between porn users and their partners can help to improve relationships.
As a therapist I immediately saw I could integrate this book into my work. Given the sad state of education about sex and sexuality in general and the incredible lack of it in therapy training, I encourage every therapist to read this. It provides not only better insight to what may be happening but also positions you to see what types of approaches and interventions can be effective.
Even if you are anti-porn, give it a read. You may just find a nugget or two that shifts your perspective even a tiny bit.
My summary is the same as my introduction – It is fantastic! Read it!
~~
The short version of my review is this – it is fantastic. Stop reading this review, get a copy, and start reading it right now. Everyone.
The book is an incredibly easy read. Ley writes in a casual, friendly style, as if he’s just having a conversation with you. This isn’t a book that sets out to prove its points with piles of detailed research. However, Ley easily references current research without getting bogged down in technical details. There is a list of sources in that back that you can use to delve deeply into the science or completely ignore. A fun bonus feature is the scattering of petro-porn – petroglyph images depicting sex and sexuality.
It is clear from the outset that this book’s primary purpose is not defending porn. Ley’s starting point is that porn is neither inherently good nor bad. What matters is how it is made and used. I doubt that it will convince many, if any, staunchly anti-porn folks to change their mind. What is will do is help people that use or want to use porn but struggle with any number of issues related to its use. Ley navigates through a wide variety of topics including societal norms, frequency of use, types of porn, issues about the porn industry and those employed by it, porn use in relationships, potential legal issues, conflict with personal or religious values, and physiological impacts such as brain changes, erectile dysfunction, and the “death grip.”
There are a lot of fantastic takeaways in this book. For me, one of the most important is that there is actually a lot we can do in regards to the ethics of porn use. It isn’t an all or nothing proposition. We can make choices that are more responsible and ethical both for ourselves in the moment and that push the larger concept of porn to behave more ethically. Ley shows us how.
There is at least one negative takeaway for men. Ley states that the most common fantasy in the U.S. is a three way with 2 women. While evidence suggests that 70-90% of men report having this fantasy less than 5% of the male population actually experiences it. That’s a lot of disappointed guys!
This book will appeal to a lot of audiences despite the fact that this book is targeted at men for reasons Ley discusses in his book. It can help women see new perspectives on why men use porn that are very different from the societal messages that tell women it is because you “aren’t enough” or the reasons currently being almost hysterically screamed in a state of panic in the media and politics today. That shared understanding between porn users and their partners can help to improve relationships.
As a therapist I immediately saw I could integrate this book into my work. Given the sad state of education about sex and sexuality in general and the incredible lack of it in therapy training, I encourage every therapist to read this. It provides not only better insight to what may be happening but also positions you to see what types of approaches and interventions can be effective.
Even if you are anti-porn, give it a read. You may just find a nugget or two that shifts your perspective even a tiny bit.
My summary is the same as my introduction – It is fantastic! Read it!
~~
January 28, 2022
Gently insightful and thought-provoking. After reading the book I am more confident in my relationship to pornography and ways in which I can improve it. I was further confirmation-biased that pornography will not go away, so improving content and production processes is better than restricting it.
Top 3 takeaways:
1. Be clear with my motivations for watching porn - can I at times replace it with something else or realise there is exclusive value in it?
2. A meta-study shows that societies with wider access to porn tends to have lower levels of sexual offences.
3. Porn is often unjustifiably used as a scapegoat for other problems - a trend often seen in humans where there is a lack of understanding.
The author is a therapist, and writes as if “talking to one of his friends”. The consumer focus is effective. I am hesitant about accepting the author's claim that "the role of sex trafficking in porn from the Western world is practically nil" without further reading, and the ethical predicament of what the porn industry contributes to at large remains an uncertainty to me.
I can warmly recommend Ethical Porn for Dicks to NoFappers, or any dick-bearer (or others) who consumes porn on a regular basis but still feel a slight sense of shame or uncertainty. This is not my final reading on the subject. However, this is a great introduction to a subject that I think should be talked more openly about.
Top 3 takeaways:
1. Be clear with my motivations for watching porn - can I at times replace it with something else or realise there is exclusive value in it?
2. A meta-study shows that societies with wider access to porn tends to have lower levels of sexual offences.
3. Porn is often unjustifiably used as a scapegoat for other problems - a trend often seen in humans where there is a lack of understanding.
The author is a therapist, and writes as if “talking to one of his friends”. The consumer focus is effective. I am hesitant about accepting the author's claim that "the role of sex trafficking in porn from the Western world is practically nil" without further reading, and the ethical predicament of what the porn industry contributes to at large remains an uncertainty to me.
I can warmly recommend Ethical Porn for Dicks to NoFappers, or any dick-bearer (or others) who consumes porn on a regular basis but still feel a slight sense of shame or uncertainty. This is not my final reading on the subject. However, this is a great introduction to a subject that I think should be talked more openly about.
March 19, 2017
Sexual fantasies and desires exist and there is no way any industry or politician can stop a natural desire to express our sexual desires, wants and needs.
In this book, Ley explores how porn can be used to help people become more comfortable in their sexual thoughts and ways to respectfully communicate and explore sexual desires by yourself and with partner(s). Ley also talks about how porn can misused.
My biggest take away: learn/ practice what you like, explore, and communicate with your partner(s).
Great read!
In this book, Ley explores how porn can be used to help people become more comfortable in their sexual thoughts and ways to respectfully communicate and explore sexual desires by yourself and with partner(s). Ley also talks about how porn can misused.
My biggest take away: learn/ practice what you like, explore, and communicate with your partner(s).
Great read!
October 12, 2019
As far as books about porn goes, this one is one of the best. Short, easy to read, and authentic and honest in it's style.
Personally, my relationship to porn has gone through many twists and turns. When I was 5, I got caught looking at my Dad's Penthouse magazine and it set a blueprint of sexual shame for me ever since. I grew up in the 80s and 90s when you and your friends would go into the tree-fort and open up tattered and ripped up porn mag or even just a printed out picture of boobs. It wasn't until college in the early 2000s when I got high speed internet that I saw hardcore porn videos for the first time.
I was mortified and ashamed and confused. Turned on and curious, but morally conflicted. I tried to hide it from my friends and my girlfriends, and when the secret would eventually come out, it just filled me with more shame and guilt. But over the years, I began to confront these feelings and dive into the murky depths of my sexuality instead of just trying to avoid it.
I've read a lot of books about porn, both from an anti-porn perspective and a pro-porn perspective. I've always felt like I'm oscillating between both polarities. But my research, healing, self-acceptance work and life experience in general taught me that it's not just black and white. There's a lot more to sexuality and pornography than meets the eye.
This book doesn't try to be FOR or AGAINST porn. But accepts it as a fact of reality that it exists and that we're looking at it. And to stop lying to ourselves about what we like and why we like it. To embrace ourselves as we are. And to realize that porn is only as big of a problem as we make it. Usually if we're having problems in life, porn is a good scapegoat that helps us blame all our struggles on it. And if it wasn't porn, it'd be something else.
This book will help any man who has conflicted feelings about porn accept himself a little bit more. To have compassion and nuance in his opinion of himself and the world. It also helps men own and accept some of their more primal desires, which have been demonized in the PC polite society today as "misogyny" or toxic masculinity. This book helps you understand that you aren't alone in feeling alienated or misunderstood. Again, it is a great avenue for further self acceptance and understanding. I highly recommend it!
Personally, my relationship to porn has gone through many twists and turns. When I was 5, I got caught looking at my Dad's Penthouse magazine and it set a blueprint of sexual shame for me ever since. I grew up in the 80s and 90s when you and your friends would go into the tree-fort and open up tattered and ripped up porn mag or even just a printed out picture of boobs. It wasn't until college in the early 2000s when I got high speed internet that I saw hardcore porn videos for the first time.
I was mortified and ashamed and confused. Turned on and curious, but morally conflicted. I tried to hide it from my friends and my girlfriends, and when the secret would eventually come out, it just filled me with more shame and guilt. But over the years, I began to confront these feelings and dive into the murky depths of my sexuality instead of just trying to avoid it.
I've read a lot of books about porn, both from an anti-porn perspective and a pro-porn perspective. I've always felt like I'm oscillating between both polarities. But my research, healing, self-acceptance work and life experience in general taught me that it's not just black and white. There's a lot more to sexuality and pornography than meets the eye.
This book doesn't try to be FOR or AGAINST porn. But accepts it as a fact of reality that it exists and that we're looking at it. And to stop lying to ourselves about what we like and why we like it. To embrace ourselves as we are. And to realize that porn is only as big of a problem as we make it. Usually if we're having problems in life, porn is a good scapegoat that helps us blame all our struggles on it. And if it wasn't porn, it'd be something else.
This book will help any man who has conflicted feelings about porn accept himself a little bit more. To have compassion and nuance in his opinion of himself and the world. It also helps men own and accept some of their more primal desires, which have been demonized in the PC polite society today as "misogyny" or toxic masculinity. This book helps you understand that you aren't alone in feeling alienated or misunderstood. Again, it is a great avenue for further self acceptance and understanding. I highly recommend it!
July 25, 2018
Lots of interesting ideas and research presented.
Someone's proclivities in what they view sexually does not translate into them necessarily being a deviant in real life. Apparently viewing some of this material (rough, extreme) actually reduces people's desire to act on those certain negative aspects since viewing it 'scratches that itch.'
Many lawyers have presented the popular narrative of "porn addiction" and it leading to divorce when actually research has shown that not to be the case. Apparently people just have many relationship issues and when subjects were asked about their spouse's alleged porn habit some of them didn't actually exist. They just assumed it was a factor whether or not their partner had actively watched.
Different perspective and also includes drawings of real life ancient sexual artwork found on cave walls etc. that leads researchers to believe sex has always been a huge part of people's lives as well as looking at images of it. So perhaps the moral fiber of conservative America isn't really being ruined after all...
As other reviewers have mentioned it focuses the narrative mainly on straight males, but it does incorporate women as well and gives a positive shout out to gay males (I'm told we watch a ton of porn and are extremely well adjusted, which is great to hear).
Someone's proclivities in what they view sexually does not translate into them necessarily being a deviant in real life. Apparently viewing some of this material (rough, extreme) actually reduces people's desire to act on those certain negative aspects since viewing it 'scratches that itch.'
Many lawyers have presented the popular narrative of "porn addiction" and it leading to divorce when actually research has shown that not to be the case. Apparently people just have many relationship issues and when subjects were asked about their spouse's alleged porn habit some of them didn't actually exist. They just assumed it was a factor whether or not their partner had actively watched.
Different perspective and also includes drawings of real life ancient sexual artwork found on cave walls etc. that leads researchers to believe sex has always been a huge part of people's lives as well as looking at images of it. So perhaps the moral fiber of conservative America isn't really being ruined after all...
As other reviewers have mentioned it focuses the narrative mainly on straight males, but it does incorporate women as well and gives a positive shout out to gay males (I'm told we watch a ton of porn and are extremely well adjusted, which is great to hear).
May 10, 2019
I came across David Ley's writing on Psychology today, can't exactly remember what the blog post was about but it had something to do with the dichotomy of a woman's desire to have a steady, reliable mate(a.k.a boring but trustworthy) and the physical attraction to the metaphorical 'bad guy'. This was listed as one of his literary works and the click-bate(y) title caught my attention. It touches on issues regarding sexual health and orientation like I've never seen before. David especially broaches the subject a lot of people are too scared to discuss in public or private-porn and your sexual health. I found it informative and would likely give it a second read sometime in future. What I'm skeptic about though are those 'prehistoric' rock art illustrations depicting the sexual inclinations of our older cave-dwelling ancestors. At some point it began to look to me like they were just done on a computer by a graphic designer trying really hard to do a 'bad' job(haha). Some reference to the actual paintings(if any) would have lent tangible credibility to their existence. That's my only issue though, otherwise a really good book for men and women who want to learn about sexual health as it relates to porn consumption outside what the media and religious institutions pander(both terrible places to learn about the subject).
August 7, 2018
Seemed like it was shilling for some friends in the "ethical porn" industry. While undoubtedly, some porn is made more ethically than others, there wasn't a fair, broad treatment of the pornography industry and all of the research regarding its effects on individuals, relationships, and society.
The main argument for why porn is ok as long as it's ethcial, was an ad hominem attack that stated that porn doesn't create problems for most people, and if it's a problem for some people, the problem lies with them and not with porn. I suppose the same argument can be made about smoking, guns, drugs and more. It's a very simplistic argument for such a complicated subject.
If you want to learn more about pornography and its effects, you're going to have look elsewhere before making an informed decision. That being said, there are some valid points made in the book that some might be interested in reading about to help them look at pornography that's made in a way that perhaps doesn't do quite so much damage to the actors and consumers, and their partners.
The main argument for why porn is ok as long as it's ethcial, was an ad hominem attack that stated that porn doesn't create problems for most people, and if it's a problem for some people, the problem lies with them and not with porn. I suppose the same argument can be made about smoking, guns, drugs and more. It's a very simplistic argument for such a complicated subject.
If you want to learn more about pornography and its effects, you're going to have look elsewhere before making an informed decision. That being said, there are some valid points made in the book that some might be interested in reading about to help them look at pornography that's made in a way that perhaps doesn't do quite so much damage to the actors and consumers, and their partners.
October 18, 2021
When we discuss porn, most of the times we cite not-so-great sources, mainly social media. I chose to go further and read about the subject and got this book. What a great surprise. No kink-shaming, no demonizing the user, no moralistic persecution and no guilt-free advices. This book gets it right, focus on the user and says: you'll consume porn. How to do it ethically? How to not support an abusive market? Great for people with dicks and everyone else.
December 22, 2018
Great book. It is enlightening and easy to read. I read it in two hours. I appreciate the author's honesty. The points he made about porn use aligned with my own experience. Porn is not inherently bad. It is normal.
April 19, 2020
I recommend this book to anyone who watches porn. And to anyone thinking about doing it. And to anyone afraid of it.
April 24, 2022
Nice overview of many of the myths about porn. Like every thing in life, it has no inherent goodness or badness, it just is. This looks beyond the usual BS one reads
July 29, 2025
I wanted to like this more. I think the last chapter is really what I was expecting the whole book to be. My concern is that it massively downplays the negatives to porn and doesn't seem to be as "middle of the road" as he claims. He also made a comment in the beginning about how he doesn't like analogy arguments and then proceeds to use analogies for his points throughout the book. Some stuff in here is super practical advice - but I think the people picking up this book aren't the ones with problems to "not be a dick" when it comes to porn. Porn was too casually explained and while I understand he was trying to "relate" to the male reader (his stated intended audience), it wasn't as professional as I was hoping.
December 10, 2023
If you have any problem with porn and you have been bombarded with fear based media who want to sell their "Rebooting" packages, it's a book for you!
November 11, 2024
Not a scientific text and not trying to be. An important contribution to a necessary conversation around porn, shame and how all of us, but particularly heterosexual men, are impacted.
July 7, 2019
Monipuolisesti ja kiihkottomasti käsiteltiin tabua aihetta. Kirjoittaja haastoi tarkistamaan omia ennakkoluuloja ja tutkimaan odotuksia, itsetuntemusta ja pelkoja liittyen ihmissuhteisiin, seksiin ja pornoon.
January 1, 2020
I think this book should be mandatory reading for everyone who consumes porn. It will do away with so many misconceptions and stigma attached to this pasttime and you will surely look at porn in a brand new light after having read it. No pun intended.
May 31, 2023
2.4/5 ⭐️
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