If You Could See Me Now

by Michael Mewshaw

When Michael Mewshaw receives a call from a stranger who says she has reason to believe he is her biological father, Mewshaw realizes he has been half dreading, half hoping for this to happen for over thirty years. Just like the young woman who wants to find the last piece to the puzzle of her life, he thinks it’s possible that in the same process he will discover the answer to questions that have plagued him for decades. But first he has to make sure that she is who she claims to be.

In this fascinating memoir, Mewhsaw confronts his own past, the chaos of his family, and complicated memories of the woman he once loved who went on to success as an ambassador, Under Secretary of State and a member of one of America’s most influential families. His unusual role in the baby’s birth, her adoption and, now, her search for her biological parents sets the stage for a revealing personal odyssey that offers a quest for identity and a journey of discovery, an obsession with recapturing the past and righting old wrongs, the constant potential for disappointment balanced against the possibility of redemption. As he finds his old flame and her old lover, rediscovering who he was and who he has become, he finds his life enriched in the process.

240 pages, Hardcover

First published April 1, 2006

About the author

Michael Mewshaw is an American author of 11 novels and 8 books of nonfiction, and works frequently as a travel writer, investigative reporter, book reviewer, and tennis reporter. His novel Year of the Gun was made into a film of the same name by John Frankenheimer in 1991. He is married with two sons.

Alan Cheuse, National Public Radio's longtime "voice of books," has called him "the best novelist in America that nobody knows."

Reviews

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

You’re living your life in London with your wife and kids when you get a phone call from an American stranger: I think you’re my biological father. You know you’re not, but you think you know who is. You could be wrong. Turns out she had three boyfriends back in the days when you thought you were in love and getting married. You get wrapped into the young woman’s story tangled with Mewshaw’s memories from long ago. Mewshaw’s memoir reads more like a mystery. Who is really Amy’s father, and why won’t her biological mother, now a famous politician, answer her questions? Was Mewshaw a hero or a fool for sticking with her when she got pregnant? I read this in less than a day. I was totally captivated.

[False · Rating 4 out of 5]

A memoir and story of adoption where he aids a young woman during his college years in terms of her choices. In the end, they track down the birth father. The birth mother sounds like a cold calculating bitch. Luckily the adoptive daughter lands on her feet in an excellent marriage. What really fascinated me about this book is his memories of his college years at the University of Maryland. Fraternities and Sororities: the highest status, Dorm Dwellers in the middle and Commuters (Mewshaw and me) working on campus and getting to school by any means possible. Long walks in the rain, weariness and just feeling beaten down.

[Michele Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am now waiting to read for his novel "Walking Slow" based on the same events.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very complicated but fascinating story. The author writes of his relationship with a woman who becomes pregnant with another man's child. The child (a daughter) is given up for adoption. The daughter contacts the author because the birth mother listed him on the birth certificate as her birth father. Got that so far? While this book is probably slanted because of the cruelty inflicted upon the author, I found the mother to be the perfect example of a narcissist. The birth mother used anyone and everyone as it benefitted her and she never looked back, even when her daughter contacted her. This was a very interesting book and I do recommend it.

[Klr · Rating 2 out of 5]

This story of adoption was depressing due to the behavior of the main characters. The birth mother and her former boyfriend (not the father) were not very sympathetic, especially the manipulating and narcissistic mother. As it was written by the former boyfriend I have to believe he didn't intend to seem so horrible, and he does seem a kinder person than the mother. The whole story was just sad. The child, however, was a real success story, so that was good to know. Thank goodness she didn't have to grow up with her biological mother.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

While the story takes a twist that makes it more about the author's relationship to his past than finding birth parents, it does make for an interesting discussion starter on nature vs. nurture. I also ended the book feeling that this man had a lot more unresolved feelings about the birth mother than her child did.

[Terry Perrel · Rating 3 out of 5]

A memoir incited by a woman in search of her birth mother, the author's role in her pre-natal history, and the odd trinity involved in the woman's journey towards her genetic identity. An odd tale made more so by the behaviors of the birth mother, a prominent figure in the State Department and Republican politics.

[Margaret · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first chapter of this book totally sucked me in and I was a little disappointed that it didn't hold me like that for the rest of the book. Having said that it was a pretty gripping read, painting the woman, Adrienne, to be a selfish manipulative cow. Mewshaw may have had to write this book to finally get her out of his head 30 years after he'd stopped being her boyfriend.

[Julz · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is not a typical reunion story. It has lots of twists, and it was actually disappointing in the end, even though the author seemed very much at peace with the way things turned out.

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't really love the characters but thought the story and viewpoints interesting. I'm glad adoptions are more open today, although I respect the privacy of birth moms of yore.

[Sue Kozlowski · Rating 3 out of 5]

Non-fiction. Good. He helped a girlfriend put a baby up for adoption (not his baby). Amy contacts him now in London. He tells about the past and finds his old girlfriend.

[Jamie · Rating 2 out of 5]

The story is told as if it is more interesting than it is. It shows a bit of skill on the part of the writer, but to me was over-wrought and romanticized.