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Lonnie Squires Mystery #1
Whacked
There are things they don't tell you in seminary school. Lonnie Squires is certain that if she'd been warned that her calling could lead to death by clog dancing, she'd remember.
One little day of perfection--it hadn't seemed like that much to ask. Scrub up Middelburg to look morally upright and conservatively righteous for one little day. A rabid devotion to soccer and marshalling children in her day care center has given Lonnie drill sergeant skills. She believes she can take on this assignment from the Bishop and survive a summer enjoying the Wentelteefjes and Olliebollen of her home town. It's not as if a girlfriend will be missing her.
She expects politicos, parishioners and the general populace all to want a piece of the action--and of her, if anything goes wrong. But nothing will go wrong. Then the crusading reporter intent on exposing the secrets of those behind Family Values Day turns up dead, and Lonnie's one little day turns into one big nightmare.
Is it the politician using anti-gay sentiment to line her campaign coffers? The ultra-conservative software king who wants to quarter his company in the idyllic Middelburg? Someone with secrets about to be exposed? Or, more urgently, is it the same person who now wants Lonnie dead as well?
One little day of perfection--it hadn't seemed like that much to ask. Scrub up Middelburg to look morally upright and conservatively righteous for one little day. A rabid devotion to soccer and marshalling children in her day care center has given Lonnie drill sergeant skills. She believes she can take on this assignment from the Bishop and survive a summer enjoying the Wentelteefjes and Olliebollen of her home town. It's not as if a girlfriend will be missing her.
She expects politicos, parishioners and the general populace all to want a piece of the action--and of her, if anything goes wrong. But nothing will go wrong. Then the crusading reporter intent on exposing the secrets of those behind Family Values Day turns up dead, and Lonnie's one little day turns into one big nightmare.
Is it the politician using anti-gay sentiment to line her campaign coffers? The ultra-conservative software king who wants to quarter his company in the idyllic Middelburg? Someone with secrets about to be exposed? Or, more urgently, is it the same person who now wants Lonnie dead as well?
272 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 2008
27 people want to read
About the author
Josie Gordon
4 books2 followersJosie Gordon is the author of the Lambda Award-winning mystery series from Bella Books featuring soccer-playing priest Lonnie Squires. She works as a writing coach and trainer. She is also a certified master dog trainer.
A pen name for Elizabeth A. Trembley.
A pen name for Elizabeth A. Trembley.
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
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June 19, 2020Lonnie Squires has an unusual profession for a lesbian mystery protagonist; she is an Episcopal priest. As far as I know, Joan Albarella’s Nikki Barnes is the only other woman of the cloth in lesbian mystery fiction. In fact, it is unusual to find religious references at all in the genre other than casual references to “the goddess” is some of the earlier novels. As we know, most churches have not treated the LGBT community with respect, but if you have a calling, you have a calling and the Episcopal Church has been more queer-friendly than most.
Even so, author Gordon makes is clear early that Lonnie’s “calling” had more to do with the fact that the church had a women’s soccer team than any burning bush experience. In her relatively short career as a priest, Lonnie has become known for her ability to effect reconciliation; to smooth out church differences. When her bishop promises to give her her own rectory if she will travel to Eastern Michigan to mediate between two splitting factions, she jumps at the chance. Little does she know that she will become embroiled in a murder.
Although I’m not someone who likes a lot of praying in my novels, I confess to being a fan of G.K. Chesterton’s Father Brown stories. I also confess to finding Whacked enjoyable and strangely satisfying. But that satisfaction didn’t come easy. I found the setup to the mystery to be clumsy and less than plausible. For one thing, Lonnie lies to the police to protect someone she has met only half an hour before. Then she breaks into the murdered man’s house (before the police think of it, mind you) and finds a clue that shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Having said that, it is absolutely essential that she do these things—there is no plot without them. But if I gave real star ratings for these books, Gordon would lose a healthy part of one for forcing the plot in this way. She knows she’s doing it; when Lonnie finds the clue, she thinks to herself, why is this here? Yet its presence is never actually explained. Likewise, a sheriff’s deputy, after a casual look at the body, tells Lonnie that he was killed with a shovel and that the shovel had been taken away. But if it had been taken away, how did he know it was a shovel, especially since it turned out to be an unusual kind of shovel? This is actually a major flaw in a mystery novel because most astute readers would assume that the deputy must be the killer. And this shovel is very important to the rest of the book.
Still, I like Lonnie and disliked her partner Jamie, as I was meant to—just about everything Jamie does in the book is disrespectful to Lonnie. I liked the description of the small Eastern Michigan town, especially its Dutch traditions and odd-sounding cuisine. I liked the insider look at the old Episcopal Church, and I very much admired the way that Gordon managed to use soccer metaphors throughout the book. Such as when Lonnie is questioning one of the suspects and thinks she may be about to learn something important: “This felt like a breakaway on an open net, though I knew the defenders were right behind me and gaining.” Her use of this extended metaphor may be the best I have ever seen—and that is saying something.
Lonnie’s philosophy of reconciliation not only goes to the heart of the novel, but to the heart of our society, divided now more than ever before: “Love had great power. People could do great goodness with the love they felt, once they got past anger and fear.” I’m willing to give Whacked the benefit of it being Gordon’s first attempt and I’m looking forward to seeing whether in Toasted, the next novel in the series, my feeling is justified.
Note: I read the first printing of the Bella edition of this novel.
.
Another Note: This review is included in my book The Art of the Lesbian Mystery Novel, along with information on over 930 other lesbian mysteries by over 310 authors.
Even so, author Gordon makes is clear early that Lonnie’s “calling” had more to do with the fact that the church had a women’s soccer team than any burning bush experience. In her relatively short career as a priest, Lonnie has become known for her ability to effect reconciliation; to smooth out church differences. When her bishop promises to give her her own rectory if she will travel to Eastern Michigan to mediate between two splitting factions, she jumps at the chance. Little does she know that she will become embroiled in a murder.
Although I’m not someone who likes a lot of praying in my novels, I confess to being a fan of G.K. Chesterton’s Father Brown stories. I also confess to finding Whacked enjoyable and strangely satisfying. But that satisfaction didn’t come easy. I found the setup to the mystery to be clumsy and less than plausible. For one thing, Lonnie lies to the police to protect someone she has met only half an hour before. Then she breaks into the murdered man’s house (before the police think of it, mind you) and finds a clue that shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Having said that, it is absolutely essential that she do these things—there is no plot without them. But if I gave real star ratings for these books, Gordon would lose a healthy part of one for forcing the plot in this way. She knows she’s doing it; when Lonnie finds the clue, she thinks to herself, why is this here? Yet its presence is never actually explained. Likewise, a sheriff’s deputy, after a casual look at the body, tells Lonnie that he was killed with a shovel and that the shovel had been taken away. But if it had been taken away, how did he know it was a shovel, especially since it turned out to be an unusual kind of shovel? This is actually a major flaw in a mystery novel because most astute readers would assume that the deputy must be the killer. And this shovel is very important to the rest of the book.
Still, I like Lonnie and disliked her partner Jamie, as I was meant to—just about everything Jamie does in the book is disrespectful to Lonnie. I liked the description of the small Eastern Michigan town, especially its Dutch traditions and odd-sounding cuisine. I liked the insider look at the old Episcopal Church, and I very much admired the way that Gordon managed to use soccer metaphors throughout the book. Such as when Lonnie is questioning one of the suspects and thinks she may be about to learn something important: “This felt like a breakaway on an open net, though I knew the defenders were right behind me and gaining.” Her use of this extended metaphor may be the best I have ever seen—and that is saying something.
Lonnie’s philosophy of reconciliation not only goes to the heart of the novel, but to the heart of our society, divided now more than ever before: “Love had great power. People could do great goodness with the love they felt, once they got past anger and fear.” I’m willing to give Whacked the benefit of it being Gordon’s first attempt and I’m looking forward to seeing whether in Toasted, the next novel in the series, my feeling is justified.
Note: I read the first printing of the Bella edition of this novel.
.
Another Note: This review is included in my book The Art of the Lesbian Mystery Novel, along with information on over 930 other lesbian mysteries by over 310 authors.
January 9, 2013
I am thoroughly unimpressed. I did not care for the main characters double standards.
If you read this book, you understand that the whole towns secrets get pull up, thrown out for the main character to mock, pass judgement upon and finally deemed to be hypocrites. Yet this same character is a closeted lesbian who stays in the closet the whole book.
Actually let me readjust that first line in that last paragraph.. it is not the 'whole' town secrets that get revealed and mocked, nope just the conservative church members which this book (hence this author) is clearly targeted upon.
I found the hypercritical, hyper-focused character attacks that the main character (The good Reverend) made in attempting to blame one conservative church member after the other as being the murderer to be distasteful.
All of which where red herrings but were ways for the character/author to jab at the stereotypes of Christians... some tolerance eh? No preconceived ideas or warped versions 'outing' someone? *rolls eyes*
In keeping with the books theme of quoting bible verses I will offer one up for the main character, "You Hypocrite, first take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly how to remove the splinter from your brother's eye." Matthew 7:5.
The mystery element was over done. Way too many red herrings and in the end she stumbles upon the murder only because the murderer confronts her.. Wow some sleuthing. Not!
The romance factor in this story is zilch. Two closeted individuals each manipulating the other to get their social status/careers advanced, fade to black intimacy scenes, and zero 'romantic' scenes.
If the author had not told us through narration that they ‘loved’ each other, we would not have known through their interactions.
This book reads like children calling each other names on the school playground.
While it might have been good writing therapy for the author to pen this, it offers nothing up in the way of mystery, excitement or romance.
So do I recommend this book?
No.
If you read this book, you understand that the whole towns secrets get pull up, thrown out for the main character to mock, pass judgement upon and finally deemed to be hypocrites. Yet this same character is a closeted lesbian who stays in the closet the whole book.
Actually let me readjust that first line in that last paragraph.. it is not the 'whole' town secrets that get revealed and mocked, nope just the conservative church members which this book (hence this author) is clearly targeted upon.
I found the hypercritical, hyper-focused character attacks that the main character (The good Reverend) made in attempting to blame one conservative church member after the other as being the murderer to be distasteful.
All of which where red herrings but were ways for the character/author to jab at the stereotypes of Christians... some tolerance eh? No preconceived ideas or warped versions 'outing' someone? *rolls eyes*
In keeping with the books theme of quoting bible verses I will offer one up for the main character, "You Hypocrite, first take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly how to remove the splinter from your brother's eye." Matthew 7:5.
The mystery element was over done. Way too many red herrings and in the end she stumbles upon the murder only because the murderer confronts her.. Wow some sleuthing. Not!
The romance factor in this story is zilch. Two closeted individuals each manipulating the other to get their social status/careers advanced, fade to black intimacy scenes, and zero 'romantic' scenes.
If the author had not told us through narration that they ‘loved’ each other, we would not have known through their interactions.
This book reads like children calling each other names on the school playground.
While it might have been good writing therapy for the author to pen this, it offers nothing up in the way of mystery, excitement or romance.
So do I recommend this book?
No.
August 18, 2024
Not what people might have expected. Some reviewers didn't read the blurb and thought it was a romance.
Yes, Lonnie was an Episcopalian Reverend, but literally not well versed. She had less Bible verses memorized than many parishioners where she was temporarily assigned. There seemed be more soccer (football, for non-US folks) references and metaphors than religious ones, but she did return to her hometown where she'd been a soccer Olympic hopeful, so it made sense. Her best friend was an 'ex-Catholic, ex-Episcopal, ex-Methodist, church-leaving, Gaia-worship-Buddhist-Native-American-spirituality blend,' which should indicate to readers how accepting and open-minded Lon was. She was also a closeted lesbian.
As for the mystery, it was a whodunit about secrets, some of which could have had devastating consequences for a few of the townspeople. At first, I thought it was her lover, Jamie, back in Chicago. Jamie didn't seem like a good partner, and I would have broken up with her, if she had been mine. I suspected a few others, correctly guessed the killer, but then questioned someone else.
There were some A-hole characters, to include a few "holier than thou" folks and a horrible, bigoted, resident reverend. Lonnie's best friend, Marion, was entertaining, and her former teammates adored her. After the murder was solved, there were some unexpected changes.
This was a light read with pleasant characters. If you are tired of romances/erotica, you'd like this book.
Yes, Lonnie was an Episcopalian Reverend, but literally not well versed. She had less Bible verses memorized than many parishioners where she was temporarily assigned. There seemed be more soccer (football, for non-US folks) references and metaphors than religious ones, but she did return to her hometown where she'd been a soccer Olympic hopeful, so it made sense. Her best friend was an 'ex-Catholic, ex-Episcopal, ex-Methodist, church-leaving, Gaia-worship-Buddhist-Native-American-spirituality blend,' which should indicate to readers how accepting and open-minded Lon was. She was also a closeted lesbian.
As for the mystery, it was a whodunit about secrets, some of which could have had devastating consequences for a few of the townspeople. At first, I thought it was her lover, Jamie, back in Chicago. Jamie didn't seem like a good partner, and I would have broken up with her, if she had been mine. I suspected a few others, correctly guessed the killer, but then questioned someone else.
There were some A-hole characters, to include a few "holier than thou" folks and a horrible, bigoted, resident reverend. Lonnie's best friend, Marion, was entertaining, and her former teammates adored her. After the murder was solved, there were some unexpected changes.
This was a light read with pleasant characters. If you are tired of romances/erotica, you'd like this book.
May 8, 2010
A mystery set in West Michigan.
July 15, 2015
Interesting. May have to find the second mystery in the series.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews