The Secrets of Mariko: A Year in the Life of a Japanese Woman and Her Family

by Elisabeth Bumiller

As it follows a Japanese housewife named Mariko Tanaka over the course of a year, The Secrets of Mariko transcends reportage to yield the kind of human insights we expect from literature. Meet Mariko, a cheerful, overscheduled woman who cares for three children, two aging parents, and an unresponsive husband. As readers watch Mariko take part in PTA meetings, bicker with her teenagers, and pursue independence through her part-time job, they come to see Mariko as someone whose dreams and disappointments mirror our own.

Genres: Japan, Nonfiction, Asia, Biography, Cultural, Sociology, Japanese Literature

352 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1995

About the author

Elisabeth Bumiller (born May 15, 1956) is an American author and journalist who is the Pentagon correspondent for the New York Times.

Born in Aalborg, Denmark, to a Danish mother and American father, Bumiller moved to the U.S. when she was three years old. She moved to Cincinnati, where she graduated from Walnut Hills High School in 1974, and was inducted into their Alumni Hall of Fame on April 30, 2011. She is a 1977 graduate of Northwestern University and in 1979 of the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism.

She was a reporter for the Washington Post in Washington, New Delhi, Tokyo, and New York, before joining the New York Times.

(from Wikipedia)

Reviews

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

Journalist and author, Elizabeth Bumiller, writes a fascinating book in The Secrets of Mariko. Part of its fascination is that it explores the life of a ordinary Japanese woman in a very personal way, not trying to make a huge sociological statement with the study, but to make the life of this woman open for all to have empathy for.

Bumiller was in Japan for a few years on assignment, with her husband and family, and had heard so much about the life of the "normal" Japanese housewife, that she set out to chronicle it, to find out if it was as bad as many people said. She found her typical housewife in Mariko, and met with her for over a year, learning about her, her family (a husband and 3 kids), her feelings, and her wants and needs. Mariko also took care of her elderly parents, who live in the same house, both of who are ailing from failing health.

Bumiller's narrative is personal...she states that sometimes she had pre-conceived notions that get changed along this year-long journey. And she does not merely focus on Mariko, she looks at things in Mariko's life that fascinate her and explores those too. Fro instance, Mariko takes part in a shrine carrying festival, where she mingles with Yakuza, the Japanese mob. Bumiller is intrigued with how this very middle class woman relates to the Yakuza, and finds a way to interview the local gang's leader.

What we get out of this curiosity is a larger picture of Japanese society, a society that is homogeneous to the point of xenophobia, and that is so strictly structured that to be different is to be ostracized by the group mentality. But Bumiller is also sympathetic and caring and tries (and succeeds) in letting us understand the differences between our cultures. Even more, she, and in turn her audience, understands the similarities between two cultures, and how we all strive towards some kind of acceptance.

The Secrets of Mariko is an excellent book, (and as true as I can see from my own experiences staying with Japanese friends). Anyone interested in Japanese culture should read and will enjoy it.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is totally my kind of thing. The author spends a year closely observing and interviewing Mariko, with the help of an interpreter. You really get to know Mariko in a personnal way. I wanted the whole book to be about Mariko and her life, but the author needed to do a lot of explaining about Japanese society and give all the backround on the whys and hows and all. I have all that info already, being such a nut for all things Japanese. But the intimate look into the life of a "typical" Japanese woman (much like myself in many ways) was so interesting. My favorite part was the meter-reading. That would be my dream job! I would love to be out walking about on my own, finding each house and snatching glances into people's lives. This book was a great find. Thi book was written about 10 years ago. I wonder what Mariko is up to now...

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

For a book written 20 years ago, this has held up shockingly well. Bumiller lead each chapter with readable, enjoyable anecdotes that segued, quite seamlessly, into well-researched and insightful journalism about a wide variety of topics. I would highly recommend this to anyone just getting interested in Japan, as she does a great job of covering most of the culture shock differences in an approachable way.

[Irina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was great! And it is totally my kind of thing - an anthropological study written in a friendly and engaging manner. The year is 1991. Elizabeth Bumiller is an American journalist living in Tokyo. For an entire year she is interviewing a "typical" Japanese woman to get the glimpse of her "typical" life. I put "typical" in parenthesis because there is no such thing as a typical woman. The author herself acknowledges as much in the beginning. Yet, Mariko, a Japanese housewife who is raising three children, while looking after her husband, the salariman, and playing shamisen in her down time, can be tentatively described as such. Lots of cliches were dispelled here by Mariko herseld and I appreciated how much the author tried to remain neutral. Yes, on the surface the women are still (30+ years later, no less) mostly subservient to the men in Japan, but they the reality is not so simple:

"For all her complaints, Mariko was in charge of her life. She was the authority at home and had her children, her jobs, her friends, her hobbies, her dreams—a life, she said, of real meaning. It was then that I began to see at least some wisdom in the Japanese belief that married women, for all their secondary status, are ultimately more free than men."

Definitely recommend this one to all who enjoy reading about other cultures.

[Elsie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Elizabeth Bumiller has written a fascinating book about one year in the life of a contemporary Japanese family. She had extraordinary access to the family and worked with an interpreter.

I was a little surprised at how Bumiller inserted her own criticisms of the Japanese culture into the book, rather than just recording her observations. The central focus was on Mariko, the wife of the family, but Bumiller also explored the lives of the other family members, a husband, three children and Mariko's two aging parents.

The fascinating part was learning about the customs and mores of a middle class Japanese life in the late 20th century. The picture Bumiller painted was quite dark and unappealing to my Western sensibilities. I was able to warm up to the family members, but found nothing in their lives to envy.

I've always loved the Japanese artistic aesthetic - their fine and decorative arts - but found none of that in the daily life of these people. That was curious.

[Ye Peiwei · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a reading assignment in college some 20 years back. As a young person then I found this book dry because I was expecting a fictitious adventure of Mariko. 20 years on I found this book rich in dissecting the Japanese culture. Appreciate the sociological perspective of the writer who wrote with such honesty on how she viewed Japanese through her interaction with Mariko and the community whom was an integral part of Mariko’s life. Glad I revisited this book as a matured reader and someone who was equally fascinated with the Japanese.

[Austin Peters · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not a good book for entertainment value, but it presents information in a readable way. If you're interested in learning some interesting facts about Japanese culture I would suggest this book but that's about as far as I would go. Mariko's secret: she had an affair! Oh yeah, spoiler alert.

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book about the life of ordinary Japanese woman.

[Mariko Kuga · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve never seen my name in a book, or any story, really, so this was very enjoyable and illuminating. I wish I knew more about Japan and Japanese culture; I wish I felt more connected, esp with the name Mariko, which is so much of a Japanese name. This book felt very meaningful to me, as a historical biography of a “typical” Japanese woman interviewed and told through a western White woman.

(My white mom got this book for me to give my Japanese grandma when I was 4. She had it and eventually gave it back to me when I got older. I’ve had it on my shelf for years, and only now just took a longer look enough to actually read it myself. It feels almost like I’m digging up some of my own background, even though Mariko and I are in such different places of time, space, and culture.)

The best part about historical biographies is the fine line between the personal and the political; this wasn’t just a study on Mariko and her family, but one that also showed how Japan as a nation has constructed (and been constructed) after WW2. Imo, it was really well done and didn’t feel too heavy handed. It was easy to ignore the author and focus only on what she had learned and how she was telling Mariko’s story. And yet the perspective offered more than what only Mariko could have provided herself. It was poignant, educational, saddening, joyful, and deeply personal.

Idk if this would mean as much to others as it did to me, but I’d still recommend it to anyone interested in the topics/genre. I’m very glad I finally picked it up.

[Sophia Tseng · Rating 5 out of 5]

For Japanophiles, this is a rare glimpse into the everyday life and mores of Japanese society. I consider myself familiar with the rudiments of Japanese culture through literature, movies/tv shows and friendships, this book was an enchanting and intimate glimpse into the factors which shape the everyday worries and lives of women in Japan. Also sheds light into the sacrifice and industriousness that underly the expectations of being a part of that society, that value the country and community over the needs of the individual in a beautiful yet extremely restrictive way.

The book takes place in the mid 1990s,an interesting time when japans economy was on the rise and they were outpacing American manufacturing. There are many comparisons of the work ethic, education systems, and societal safety nets between the two countries. Since that time, Japan’s economy has stagnated as a newer generation of citizens have begun to openly rebel against the rigors of being a part of that society. Yet American society has splintered and broken its outward illusion on homogeneity, on the one hand giving a much needed voice to suppressed and underrepresented communities yet also underscoring the differences in values and power across our society as a whole.

What’s clear is that there are pros and cons in both and this book provides the luxury of insight without the commitment of investment to find the secrets out oneself.

[Jeff Keehr · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mariko is a middle-class Japanese housewife whose life was chronicled for one year by the author. There were a few surprises: although there is little crime, there are plenty of antagonisms in Japan; Mariko and her husband had both been unfaithful in the past; although the grandparents live with the family, the children barely speak to them and Mariko resents having to care for them; etc. I wouldn't recommend the book, and I can't remember where I read the favorable review which caused me to pick it up.

[Kayleigh P · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was fascinating to me and as difficult to put down as a novel at times. What genius to one modern, ordinary Japanese woman's life to explore the social fabric of Japan. This book provides a deep glimpse into marriage expectations, familial obligation, benevolent fascism, conformism, and consensus culture that support the structure of Japanese society. It was interesting to hear of the Japanese opinion on Americans as well. Great book to read if you're interested in learning about cross cultural social dynamics.

[Omar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gives a great summary of Japan's history in the 1900s, as well as an in depth view into the daily lives of Japanese citizens. The lifestyle, ideals, and ways of life discussed in this book are still prevalent today in modern day Japan. Albeit some issues today haven't surfaced by the time this was written, but this book still showcases Japanese society's attitudes.

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit dated. I enjoyed it mostly for all the reminders of my life in Japan.

[Pamela]

Bookclub 1999

[Sarah Moriyama · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book details how many responsibilities a "traditional" Japanese woman endures. I have to put that word in quotes because women of Mariko's mother's and grandmother's generation probably worked harder than Mariko...physical labor at least.

This book details how both men and women in Japan are stressed. It is no wonder that the population of Japan is stagnating and is expected to decline drastically, becoming a crisis. (Who will look after the elderly?) This is just one reason though. Others include an unbalanced work-life culture. In Japan, men live to work, instead of work to live. Also, housing prices are terribly high.

This book was written in the early 1990s, so an updated case study would be helpful. Japan has changed and will continue to do so. Will Japan make it easier for married couples to have children, or will they brings in foreign workers?...or will the population be cut in half by mid-century?

[Mauri · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a godsend for me. When I saw it on the shelf at the bookstore I couldn't believe that someone had actually written a yearlong account of a modern (well, modern enough) Japanese woman's life.

The details about Japanese city and family living revealed in this book are astounding. This book is the sort that makes me wish that there was a version for every country, or for every state/province/prefecture.

The author follows this woman through her daily lfe, caring for her husband and children, but also goes back and interviews various people that the family comes in contact with: a PTA president, a nearby shrine owner, the childrens' teachers and so forth.

Informative and interesting.

[katy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderfully detailed account of the lives of a Japanese woman and her family at the beginning of the 1990's written by a U.S. journalist. We learn about the importance of the family, being a mother, and the grueling pace of the Japanese educational system. The problems of a salariman, the husband, who has to drink to excess in order to tolerate his work are very sad. The parents in the family admit they've missed romance and fulfillment in their lives, but seem to accept the peace that meeting others' expectations provides.

[Iva · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mariko's life doesn't reveal any big "secrets" as promised in the title, but the book gives an excellent portrait of domestic life in Japan at the end of the 20th century. Bumiller is a skilled journalist and was able to carefully study Mariko's life in the year she lived in Japan. Accompanied by an interpreter, went to Mariko's employment, ate meals with the family, and went on day trips to festivals. Essentially, she presents a true picture of a life with disappointments and joy. The relationship with the interpreter also was revealing. A fascinating and beautifully written account.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book was very interesting and held my attention throughout. I was surprised by the conclusion that Japanese women have more freedom than their husbands. The author managed to include so many details of the family's life that you really felt that you knew them, and that you were there participating with them. Differences between Japanese and American culture were pointed out but, in the end, the feeling was that much more was the same. Now I am interested in reading the author's book on life in India.

[Joy · Rating 3 out of 5]

It shed some light on Japanese cultural quirks I didn't understand. I appreciated the perspective on freedom in Japan-- how conflicting it is for men and women. Men appear to be free to do whatever they want, but ultimately find themselves trapped in jobs. Women appear to be trapped in the role of wife and caretaker, but have a flexibility in their lives that men can't get.

Interesting, not riveting.

[M · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful book if you really want to get inside the minds of a "typical" Japanese housewife from the 90's and her family. Mariko's point of view on life is actually quite interesting and quite different from the American one. Then again, it is very East Asian philosophy versus the West. This book goes into quite a variety of topics like Japan's festivals, schools, PTA's, history, war history, etc.

[Nancy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. A year in the life of a Japanese woman. The author does explore tangents to give us more background. This really helps to explain some of Mariko's story. The main focus seems to be on marriage. Other topics are covered, but it all keeps coming back to the relationship between husband and wife. Very different from America. Interesting how stereotypes viewed from a little different angle bring a new understanding. I found it very interesting. There is a good bibliography.

[Kathleen]

I was amazed at the number of issues revealed in this book, that were "insider" information. Elisabeth Bumiller had a way of listening to Tanaka family in Japan over the course of a year where she gained their trust, and reported on this family's life in the early 90's. Bumiller interviewed not only the mother, but the son, the daughter, and even the grandparents. She interwove festivals and other annual celebrations as well as illness, fears and frustration. A unique point of view.

[Zoe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Micha recommended this and I can't wait to read it! Got it today from Powell's.

4/18/10 - I lent this to Margaret because I think she'll get a lot out of it. For me, it brought back to my days as an Anthropology student (around the same time as this book was written) trying to read and write ethnographies. It kind of inspired me to go back and finish writing mine about Israeli kibbutz life.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful look into the life of an average Japanese housewife. Bumiller, a journalist, spent a year getting to know Mariko--her life story, her family, her hopes, dreams, regrets. Across cultures and past language barriers, the women share similar, human feelings and experiences. This is a tender, charming read.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

While a little outdated (by roughly 15 years), I found The Secrets of Mariko to be a nice, easy read with wonderful insight on the Japanese and their culture. The book's subject, Mariko, is no one fancy, she's just as the title suggests: an average Japanese woman taking care of her family. If you're interested in Asian studies, I recommend this book for you.

[Dogsandbooks]

DPL 305.40952 B Life of a Japanese woman and her family. Very interesting contemporary view by an {?} journalist of the life of a Japanese housewife. Lots of interesting little vignettes--but ultimately sad--what is her purpose in life? And also opaque. Elisabeth learned a lot but she was not part of the family.

[Patricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author did a sociological study of a Japanese family while having almost daily contact with them. That being said, this is not a dry, scholarly book but a fascinating and open account of their lives and relationships plus many glimpses of Japanese life and customs in general.

[Megan Stolz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Actually just re-read this; the first time was for a modern Japan class in college. Very readable and Bumiller tries to avoid or acknowledge her biases as much as possible. Altough the book is now almost 20 years ago so it would be interesting to see how things have changed.