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As My Parents Age: Reflections on Life, Love, and Change
For most of us it is not the “ifs” but the “whens”: when I notice the first signs; when we mourn the role reversal; when my children need me too; or when I don’t know how to pray. Those are just a few of the fifty-two reflections on the changes, challenges, and blessings of loving your parent as they grow older. Their lives – and yours – begin to change. Knowing that you are not alone, that others have been where you are, is encouraging and uplifting. This is not a how-to, but a me-too, as you see yourself and your own situation lived out in the stories of others.
304 pages, Hardcover
Published June 13, 2017
17 people are currently reading
113 people want to read
About the author
Cynthia Ruchti
38 books967 followersCynthia Ruchti tells stories hemmed-in-Hope through her novels and novellas, nonfiction books and devotionals, and through speaking for women's and writers' events. Her books have been recognized by many top industry readers', reviewers', library, retailer, and other honors. Cynthia is the Professional Relations Liaison for American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW) and a literary agent with Books & Such Literary Management. She and her plot-tweaking husband live in the heart of Wisconsin, not far from their three children and five (to date) grandchildren.
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
June 14, 2017
It's incredible what ways God uses to sooth and heal. Author Cynthia Ruchti puts clarity into the jumbled fog of words we simply can not seem to grope together for ourselves as we attempt to navigate this emotionally uncharted journey. I needed this book desperately! After 4 rocky years of being primary caregiver to my mother through cancer/chronic depression, and then watch her piece by piece slip away through Alzheimer's, I felt like I'd staggered through a colossal tornado with never a chance to get my feet on the ground. There were times I wasn't sure I would survive. However, when she left, oh my, did she go out well as she ran into Jesus' arms! So well, that it's been 4 years, and until recently I have finally started to miss her as I continue to go through different levels of grieving and understanding. Not only has this book been salve to my soul, it has chased away what I was holding back from truly enjoying and being there for my dad, who is an amazing, ornery ol' cowboy. I didn't realize how I had put up walls between us because I didn't want to experience being whipped through the turbulence again. Cynthia shines Christ's light through the storm in such a grace filled, but very real way. It's overflowing with hope and encouragement. Although everyone has to go through this process, it’s still a jolt. What a relief to know we are not alone through this on the job training. I have no doubt this will be a book I pass on over and over again.
June 1, 2017
A must-read for anyone caring for a parent, or those who have aging parents. While my siblings and I lost our Dad much too soon, when he was 61, our mother lived for another 25 years, dying of terminal lung cancer after a short period of treatment. We rallied around her, caring for her in her last days. It was an honor. Ruchti has a way with words; this lovely little book reflects on what it means to love and honor a parent in their old age. Would make an excellent gift.
June 13, 2017
A heartwarming, thought provoking, loving book that everyone should read. Roles are often reversed as we age. The child can become like the parent and the parent can become like the child. This book shows how to give grace, love and dignity to our parents, to others and to ourselves. Everyone has a unique situation and this book is a must read for loving, practical ways to show God's love. I received a copy of this book from the author and this is my personal honest opinion.
March 27, 2017
SPOILER ALERT: CHAPTER TITLES ARE LISTED!
I didn't know what a healing I would receive when I read this wonderful spiritual book.
Ruchti brings us face to face with what it means to become the caretaker of an aging, or ailing, parent. In my family, I was the one who took care of my mother-n-law during her final days of this life. But my own Mother and Father were taken care of by my sweet sister.
Often I feel guilty for leaving her with such a burden. She's given up 22 years of her life so far, just to see that they had a home and the care that they need. We lost Mother two years ago, and my sweet sister continues in caring for our Father. She has never once complained. Instead, she has told me over and over that it has been her privilege.
I feel guilty because I don't have that patience! At least not with my own parents! But I didn't know why, until I read this book. I just couldn't come face to face with knowing that their days were numbered.
I never gave a thought of my parents one day aging, or worse, dying. No. They were always the stalwart rock that stood upon our Savior. I was along for the ride for the most part.
I was born again when I was only 10. But have I really understood how and what it meant for ME to stand on the rock, our Lord and Savior?
I have had the scales taken away from my eyes, thanks to Ruchti. And I can face my fears now. The fear of being alone. Of feeling like an orphan, even at my age.
The copy of this book that I read is an Uncorrected Proof, so when it is in its final print, it may be a little different. But here are the titles to the chapters in this amazing book:
1. When I Notice The First Signs
2. When It Comes Down to What Matters Most
3. When They're Miles and Miles Away
4. When We Mourn and Embrace the Role Reversal
5. When My Children Need Me Too
6. When My Parents Won't Accept Help
7. When I'm Tempted to Help Too Much
8. When My Siblings Disagree on My Parent's Care
9. When My Parents Won't Have the Hard Conversation
10. When They Can't Let Old Hurts Go
11. When I Can't Let Old Hurts Go
12. When All We Can Do Is Laugh
13. When My Parent is in Denial
14. When My Parent's Strongest Gift is Stubborness
15. When My Parents Make Unwise Decisions
16. When My Gratitude Gets Lost in Life's Wrinkles
17. When I Don't Know What to Pray
18. When My Parent's Mind is Gone
19. When I Think I Can't Make an Impact
20. When My Parent Loses Who I Am
21. When they Think Life No Longer Has Meaning
22. When Their Aging Changes Me
23. When It's Just Plain Hard
24. When I Don't Know What to Say
25. When Time is All They Want From Me
26. When Guilt Taints Our Relationship
27. When My Parents Needs Cost Me
28. When I Feel As If The Battle Is Mine Alone
29. When I Can't Keep My Promise to My Parents
30. When I Don't Recognize or Like
31. When Every Story is From The Past
32. When Visiting Deepens My Pain...and My Understanding
33. When No One Understands or Knows How to Help
34. When My Efforts Seem So Small
35. When The End is Too Near
36. When I'm Already Grieving
37. When They Die Too Young
38. When My Skills and Love are No Longer Enough
39. When the Moment Comes to Say Good-bye
40. When I Shift to Life Without My Parents
If you are caring for a parent, I know you will have recognized yourself in at least one chapter title. That is why I took the time to name each one.
Using Scripture, and the teachings of our Savior, Ruchti leads us through these terrible hard times. These times when you are overwhelmed and don't know what to do next. When nothing seems right. And your world is suddenly turned upside down.
I wish I had read this book years ago when my Mother first became ill. I might have been able to help my sister more. But through reading this, I realize the struggles she must have endured, in her own private, quiet space.
She is truly my hero!
I give this book five stars.
A big thumbs up.
And my personal recommendation.
I didn't know what a healing I would receive when I read this wonderful spiritual book.
Ruchti brings us face to face with what it means to become the caretaker of an aging, or ailing, parent. In my family, I was the one who took care of my mother-n-law during her final days of this life. But my own Mother and Father were taken care of by my sweet sister.
Often I feel guilty for leaving her with such a burden. She's given up 22 years of her life so far, just to see that they had a home and the care that they need. We lost Mother two years ago, and my sweet sister continues in caring for our Father. She has never once complained. Instead, she has told me over and over that it has been her privilege.
I feel guilty because I don't have that patience! At least not with my own parents! But I didn't know why, until I read this book. I just couldn't come face to face with knowing that their days were numbered.
I never gave a thought of my parents one day aging, or worse, dying. No. They were always the stalwart rock that stood upon our Savior. I was along for the ride for the most part.
I was born again when I was only 10. But have I really understood how and what it meant for ME to stand on the rock, our Lord and Savior?
I have had the scales taken away from my eyes, thanks to Ruchti. And I can face my fears now. The fear of being alone. Of feeling like an orphan, even at my age.
The copy of this book that I read is an Uncorrected Proof, so when it is in its final print, it may be a little different. But here are the titles to the chapters in this amazing book:
1. When I Notice The First Signs
2. When It Comes Down to What Matters Most
3. When They're Miles and Miles Away
4. When We Mourn and Embrace the Role Reversal
5. When My Children Need Me Too
6. When My Parents Won't Accept Help
7. When I'm Tempted to Help Too Much
8. When My Siblings Disagree on My Parent's Care
9. When My Parents Won't Have the Hard Conversation
10. When They Can't Let Old Hurts Go
11. When I Can't Let Old Hurts Go
12. When All We Can Do Is Laugh
13. When My Parent is in Denial
14. When My Parent's Strongest Gift is Stubborness
15. When My Parents Make Unwise Decisions
16. When My Gratitude Gets Lost in Life's Wrinkles
17. When I Don't Know What to Pray
18. When My Parent's Mind is Gone
19. When I Think I Can't Make an Impact
20. When My Parent Loses Who I Am
21. When they Think Life No Longer Has Meaning
22. When Their Aging Changes Me
23. When It's Just Plain Hard
24. When I Don't Know What to Say
25. When Time is All They Want From Me
26. When Guilt Taints Our Relationship
27. When My Parents Needs Cost Me
28. When I Feel As If The Battle Is Mine Alone
29. When I Can't Keep My Promise to My Parents
30. When I Don't Recognize or Like
31. When Every Story is From The Past
32. When Visiting Deepens My Pain...and My Understanding
33. When No One Understands or Knows How to Help
34. When My Efforts Seem So Small
35. When The End is Too Near
36. When I'm Already Grieving
37. When They Die Too Young
38. When My Skills and Love are No Longer Enough
39. When the Moment Comes to Say Good-bye
40. When I Shift to Life Without My Parents
If you are caring for a parent, I know you will have recognized yourself in at least one chapter title. That is why I took the time to name each one.
Using Scripture, and the teachings of our Savior, Ruchti leads us through these terrible hard times. These times when you are overwhelmed and don't know what to do next. When nothing seems right. And your world is suddenly turned upside down.
I wish I had read this book years ago when my Mother first became ill. I might have been able to help my sister more. But through reading this, I realize the struggles she must have endured, in her own private, quiet space.
She is truly my hero!
I give this book five stars.
A big thumbs up.
And my personal recommendation.
June 12, 2017
I thought that "As My Parents Age" would be an enlightening book when I was offered the chance to read and review this book last December. At that time my mother was 85 and even though her health had been declining she still was able to care for herself and live alone. And then, on January 17, 2017, my mother was admitted to our local hospital. The next day I was with her when a doctor told her that a mass had been discovered on her colon and he immediately offered her different options. The next weeks were a whirlwind of tests, her return home only to be re-admitted to the hospital, and then her placement in a hospice facility. February 20th, thirty-four days after her diagnosis, my mother died and suddenly, her aging process was no longer an issue.
When this book arrived in early June I doubted that I now had need for it but oh my, I was so very wrong! I do wish that it had been available for me to consult in this last year of my mother's life but reading this has been a therapeutic and healing experience for me. Cynthia Ruchti has used her own personal circumstances and the experiences of many other people to help adult children recognize and understand the aging process of their parents. She has shown that it is only human to be impatient, fearful and exhausted but she has been able to offer guidance, instruction, encouragement and comfort through her abundant sharing of God's Word. She reminds us that our Heavenly Father is aware of all of our feelings and that He will never leave us or forsake us.
"As My Parents Age" is a book of 40 short chapters that offer encouragement, hope and the promise that we can see our loved ones again. I will recommend that this book be added to the catalog of my public library and I will suggest that a copy be purchased so that our minister will have it for pastoral counseling. I also plan to make sure that my daughter is aware of this book because I am in my own aging process.
If I could give it more stars I would because I Cannot Praise This Book Too Much!!!
I was given a complimentary copy from the author and Worthy Publishing but I was not required to post a favorable review.
When this book arrived in early June I doubted that I now had need for it but oh my, I was so very wrong! I do wish that it had been available for me to consult in this last year of my mother's life but reading this has been a therapeutic and healing experience for me. Cynthia Ruchti has used her own personal circumstances and the experiences of many other people to help adult children recognize and understand the aging process of their parents. She has shown that it is only human to be impatient, fearful and exhausted but she has been able to offer guidance, instruction, encouragement and comfort through her abundant sharing of God's Word. She reminds us that our Heavenly Father is aware of all of our feelings and that He will never leave us or forsake us.
"As My Parents Age" is a book of 40 short chapters that offer encouragement, hope and the promise that we can see our loved ones again. I will recommend that this book be added to the catalog of my public library and I will suggest that a copy be purchased so that our minister will have it for pastoral counseling. I also plan to make sure that my daughter is aware of this book because I am in my own aging process.
If I could give it more stars I would because I Cannot Praise This Book Too Much!!!
I was given a complimentary copy from the author and Worthy Publishing but I was not required to post a favorable review.
June 14, 2017
I really enjoyed the stories shared in the book. It brought back memories of caring for my dad and this quote illustrated why I do what I do. The author said, " Provide for their journey in a way that honors God." (Page 45) I remember trying to find book to justify what I was feeling and if it was correct. This book is helpful because as caregivers we get to see that we are not alone in our feelings. Our relationship with our parent whether good or bad will be revealed in all its glory. This is a book to help us not to be too surprise about the changes we will experience as we watch our parents grow old. Thank you Ms Ruchti for always pointing out that growing old does not always mean decline in faculty but that it is a time where you are not restricted by anything. You can enjoy the things you have always wanted to do because your children are grown with their own lives to live.
Reader you will enjoy the prayers and poems at the end of the chapters. I am actually going to share one of them with my sister to encourage her about the amazing God we serve.
Do not be intimated or fear this book. It may just the book you need for the season of like you are going through.
I received this book from the author. The opinions expressed are entirely my own. This is just my thoughts on a great book that needs to be read.
Reader you will enjoy the prayers and poems at the end of the chapters. I am actually going to share one of them with my sister to encourage her about the amazing God we serve.
Do not be intimated or fear this book. It may just the book you need for the season of like you are going through.
I received this book from the author. The opinions expressed are entirely my own. This is just my thoughts on a great book that needs to be read.
June 5, 2017
Oh, my word! This book is so good! The author, in short, almost devotional styled chapters addresses challenges that may arise in our relationships with parents.
My parents have already passed yet I discovered personal guidance to apply in the aging process that will unfold for my husband and myself; reflections and lessons learned as I helped care for my sister in her final months of her earthly journey; and insights that will be helpful in relationships with my elderly neighbors and friends. There were so many blessings in these pages! I plan on keeping this sweet little book handy.
Please consider reading this even if your parents have already passed, as mine have. Read it for your own selves. Read it for the wisdom pressed into these chapters. You might find, as I did, an opportunity to reflect and even heal past hurts.
There are powerful insights woven into incredibly moving prose that I read…re-read and then re-read again. Many thoughts are now written in my prayer journal. So, my advice is to have your highlighter and journal handy. Buy a copy for yourself and one to have on hand for gifting. The opportunity for me to do so has already arisen and this little book was made to bless others.
My parents have already passed yet I discovered personal guidance to apply in the aging process that will unfold for my husband and myself; reflections and lessons learned as I helped care for my sister in her final months of her earthly journey; and insights that will be helpful in relationships with my elderly neighbors and friends. There were so many blessings in these pages! I plan on keeping this sweet little book handy.
Please consider reading this even if your parents have already passed, as mine have. Read it for your own selves. Read it for the wisdom pressed into these chapters. You might find, as I did, an opportunity to reflect and even heal past hurts.
There are powerful insights woven into incredibly moving prose that I read…re-read and then re-read again. Many thoughts are now written in my prayer journal. So, my advice is to have your highlighter and journal handy. Buy a copy for yourself and one to have on hand for gifting. The opportunity for me to do so has already arisen and this little book was made to bless others.
June 26, 2017
Outstanding.
In her gentle, loving manner, Cynthia Ruchti writes with a true heart and wisdom regarding the aging of ones parent's. While the focus is on aging parents, this book is a must read for anyone caring for aging.
Currently, the older population of the United States is quickly increasing and has been for some time. With the beginning of the Baby Boomers reaching retirement and older, it is currently the largest aging population the US has seen in its history. That is not likely to change any time soon.
What do we do when one of our parents repeats the same story for the umpteenth time? Listen, instead of sigh or cutting them off.
What do we do when we have to remind our parents of the same thing for the umpteenth time? Reminisce, instead of impatiently saying remember!
Full of anecdotes, wisdom and grace, the reader is encourage and uplifted. The book is structured in short meditative chapters if one wishes to read it that way or it can be read straight through, which is what I did.
In her gentle, loving manner, Cynthia Ruchti writes with a true heart and wisdom regarding the aging of ones parent's. While the focus is on aging parents, this book is a must read for anyone caring for aging.
Currently, the older population of the United States is quickly increasing and has been for some time. With the beginning of the Baby Boomers reaching retirement and older, it is currently the largest aging population the US has seen in its history. That is not likely to change any time soon.
What do we do when one of our parents repeats the same story for the umpteenth time? Listen, instead of sigh or cutting them off.
What do we do when we have to remind our parents of the same thing for the umpteenth time? Reminisce, instead of impatiently saying remember!
Full of anecdotes, wisdom and grace, the reader is encourage and uplifted. The book is structured in short meditative chapters if one wishes to read it that way or it can be read straight through, which is what I did.
August 25, 2017
A series of 40 short chapters, this book is great encouragement to anyone who is in the stage of life where their parents are getting older and approaching the end of their life, whether they are full-time caregivers or not. Each chapter focuses on a specific topic or aspect of the process, many of them dealing with the emotional fall-out from this stage of life. It’s not so much a how-to in terms of choosing long-term care and caskets as it is encouragement and refreshment for the weary and hurting son or daughter of the dying parent. I absolutely loved this book and want my own copy. I also jokingly said I would give one to each of our children, with relevant passages underlined! Okay, I was kind of joking but it’s not a bad idea because in addition to the comfort I found in its pages, I also learned a lot about how to interact with a parent whose mind is not what it was and I just know our kids are going to have to deal with that, certainly in my case. I highly recommend this book.
June 19, 2017
Caregiving is not a journey for the faint-hearted. Yet it is a road that many of us will someday walk…or are perhaps we are already in the midst of it. Cynthia Ruchti’s latest non-fiction work “As My Parents Age” shares the heartache and the victory, as well as encouragement and hope for those facing the prospect of role reversal, medical and housing issues, and hard decisions with their elderly parents.
Cynthia draws from her own experience as well as the stories of many others to address the issues that caregivers are sometimes reluctant to talk about: guilt, parental dementia, isolation, and the ultimate end of the caregiving season.
This book has something for everyone, whether the caregiving journey is still years away, or you’re in the midst of it and even if you have already come out the other side. “As My Parents Age” offers Cynthia’s trademark, “hemmed in hope.”
Cynthia draws from her own experience as well as the stories of many others to address the issues that caregivers are sometimes reluctant to talk about: guilt, parental dementia, isolation, and the ultimate end of the caregiving season.
This book has something for everyone, whether the caregiving journey is still years away, or you’re in the midst of it and even if you have already come out the other side. “As My Parents Age” offers Cynthia’s trademark, “hemmed in hope.”
November 28, 2017
Having entered this stage of my life, I happened across this small book in my local library. I thought I would read a few chapters to see if it spoke to me, and it certainly did. Being a Christian, this small devotional book helped me through many stages of the grief associated with taking care of an elderly parent. I would rise early and read my book and get comfort and strength to face the day in the difficulties that arise. Not every chapter lined up with my own situation, as she covered many different aspects and experiences of other people going through this. If you have a parent and you are a caregiver for that parent, I can't say enough about the goodness of this book. Especially if you also are a person who is grounded in scripture, this book utilizes the Bible as a fount of many blessings as it relates experiences of growing old.
June 19, 2017
When I started this book and read the first few chapters, I confess I was thinking, "Wow, this is not what I thought it would be and is not for me at all." I stayed with it and what a blessing it was! In fact, starting with chapter 10, I was dog-earing pages--which I never do in books! This book was such a blessing! Not everything in this book may pertain to you as you care for your aging parents, but the things that do apply--wow! I highly recommend this book--you won't be disappointed! Thank you Ms. Ruchti for writing a book for those of us who often feel neglected by society in how to help our parents especially from a Biblical perspective!!
Thank you to the author for this book. The thoughts and opinions posted here are my own.
July 11, 2017
As My Parents Age is a revealing read in its entirety. The thoughts shared are raw and sobering, convicting to the soul and compelling to the heart. This is truly a message of love and devotion and one that many don’t get to read until it’s too late. It’s a cautionary tale from many who have walked through life, regretful and sorrowful, but it is one that we’ll all need to walk at one point—whether we are children of aging parents or are soon to be on our last dash. Follow Ruchti’s Pinterest board where you will find a wealth of information on this topic. A thorough review here.
October 16, 2017
Sadly our roles reverse as our parents get older, and this devotional style book packs quite a punch in the most encouraging way. As I read the book I realized what a precious gift this book will be as my parents continue to age, it will be balm for my heart as it breaks through this process.
Whether you are seeing your parents declining health or grandparents you will find such encouragement between the pages of this little book.
I received a copy of this book compliments of the publisher in exchange for an honest review, all thoughts and opinions are my own.
Whether you are seeing your parents declining health or grandparents you will find such encouragement between the pages of this little book.
I received a copy of this book compliments of the publisher in exchange for an honest review, all thoughts and opinions are my own.
December 5, 2017
What a great book!! I lost my mother last summer and spent several years as her primary caretaker. How I wish I'd had this book in hand the last few years. I'll be gifting this to a couple of friends facing the same life-changing event and I will also recommend my local library purchase a copy.
I had the privilege of knowing the author's parents (her father served as my pastor) and she is correct -- her parents were such godly people. Thank you, Cynthia, for sharing your journey with us and for all your careful research.
I had the privilege of knowing the author's parents (her father served as my pastor) and she is correct -- her parents were such godly people. Thank you, Cynthia, for sharing your journey with us and for all your careful research.
October 23, 2017
As My Parents Age by Cynthia Ruchti is an absolutely WONDERFUL book and I cannot recommend it enough for anyone who is dealing with aging parents! Each chapter deals with a different challenge faced by caregivers of aging parents. The book offers such good advice for each topic and often includes scripture for dealing with very difficult situations. If you are caring for an aging parent or know someone who is, I highly recommend reading As My Parents Age by Cynthia Ruchti.
June 27, 2017
I am in the middle of this journey with some hard things to deal with. Cynthia's book has lead me to the positives in this journey and gentle reminders of how to speak to your elder parent. It was just the breath of fresh air that I needed during this time. The chapters are short and great to read one each day to set my mind on the positives.
July 16, 2017
I loved this book by Cynthia Ruchti! It is full of not only informative information for those who are going through this with a friend or a family member, but it is also filled with godly wisdom and can be used as a devotional during this life change.
I was given an ARC from the author/publisher. All conclusions are mine and mine alone.
I was given an ARC from the author/publisher. All conclusions are mine and mine alone.
January 6, 2019
Practical. Revealing. Much-needed. This book was incredibly helpful for those of us navigating the unknown waters of watching our parents age. It helped me to know what to say, how to respond and explained ways to include my siblings and our spouses in the journey. So good. I am going to share with others who are in this season.
June 29, 2017
Well-written conversation by Cynthia Ruchti, reminding us of things we used to know, as well as telling us about things that might come up as we become/are caretakers of our parents.
July 22, 2017
Excellent insights. A book to read slowly, one chapter at a time, to take everything in.
June 23, 2018
Full of wisdom, encouragement and comfort. Read a library copy, but just ordered a copy of my own for a second read.
February 3, 2021
A true blessing to read as you face your parents aging issues. It helps knowing others have walked similar paths and that there is always Someone walking beside you. I highly recommend this book.
April 13, 2021
Loved the information shared! Anyone can be a caregiver at any point in their lives. Perhaps she should have called it You Can’t Hide: Reflections on Life, Love, and Change
November 21, 2025
3.5
The most effective anti-aging solution is a heart free from bitterness.
Love rules the day, no matter what day it is. No matter what the challenge. No matter how deep the wounds.
But none of us are called to convenience we are called to serve others.
How far back would you have to trace to find something to be grateful for. Make the journey.
The most effective anti-aging solution is a heart free from bitterness.
Love rules the day, no matter what day it is. No matter what the challenge. No matter how deep the wounds.
But none of us are called to convenience we are called to serve others.
How far back would you have to trace to find something to be grateful for. Make the journey.
February 23, 2018
My response might be attributable to my expectations/need for a book that really provided insight and depth to the challenges of this phase of life. These are mere reflections, as the title suggests.
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews