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The Talk: Helping Your Kids Navigate Sex in the Real World
Are you having a hard time talking to your kid about sex? Join the club. Alice Dreger, Ph.D., brings her unique sense of humor and refreshing directness to bear on this landmine-of-a-subject, laying out clear methods that emphasize respect, health, and happiness.
After Dreger’s live-tweeting of her son’s abstinence sex ed class went viral, Dreger was asked by many parents how she had managed to raise a fourteen-year-old so comfortable talking about sex—comfortable enough even to challenge sex ed teachers when they presented misinformation. The Talk is a response to those questions. In it, Dreger explains how you can engage your children in productive conversations about sexual anatomy, sexual behaviors, sexual responsibility, and sexual pleasure, and how you can do it in a non-shaming fashion that will support not only your child’s well-being, but also your long-term relationship with your child.
Using the humor and clarity for which she is known, Dreger provides the basic information you need to understand sex development, gender identity, and erotic feelings and behaviors, while also giving you a clear method for talking with children about difficult subjects like sex. The Talk gives you examples of how to answer children’s questions, and even explains how to recover if you screw up a conversation about sex. Whether your child is a preschooler or a teenager, The Talk will help you go forward with more information and less fear.
Alice Dreger, PhD, is an historian of medicine, science, and sexuality, and an award-winning writer. Her essays on sex have appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, WIRED, Slate, The L.A. Times, The Chicago Tribune, Pacific Standard, Fathering Magazine, and Psychology Today, and she has appeared as a sex expert on dozens of broadcast programs, including Oprah, CNN International, NPR’s All Things Considered, and the Savage Lovecast. Her consultancy work includes editing a handbook for parents of children born with relatively uncommon forms of sex anatomy (intersex) and co-editing a teaching guide on LGBT patient care for the Association of American Medical Colleges. She has been on the faculty of several universities, most recently at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine. Her last book, Galileo’s Middle Finger: Heretics, Activists, and One Scholar’s Search for Justice has been named an Editors’ Choice by The New York Times. It has received praise in The New Yorker, Salon, Forbes, and New York Magazine and has just been released in paperback with a new afterword.
Cover design by Adil Dara.
After Dreger’s live-tweeting of her son’s abstinence sex ed class went viral, Dreger was asked by many parents how she had managed to raise a fourteen-year-old so comfortable talking about sex—comfortable enough even to challenge sex ed teachers when they presented misinformation. The Talk is a response to those questions. In it, Dreger explains how you can engage your children in productive conversations about sexual anatomy, sexual behaviors, sexual responsibility, and sexual pleasure, and how you can do it in a non-shaming fashion that will support not only your child’s well-being, but also your long-term relationship with your child.
Using the humor and clarity for which she is known, Dreger provides the basic information you need to understand sex development, gender identity, and erotic feelings and behaviors, while also giving you a clear method for talking with children about difficult subjects like sex. The Talk gives you examples of how to answer children’s questions, and even explains how to recover if you screw up a conversation about sex. Whether your child is a preschooler or a teenager, The Talk will help you go forward with more information and less fear.
Alice Dreger, PhD, is an historian of medicine, science, and sexuality, and an award-winning writer. Her essays on sex have appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, WIRED, Slate, The L.A. Times, The Chicago Tribune, Pacific Standard, Fathering Magazine, and Psychology Today, and she has appeared as a sex expert on dozens of broadcast programs, including Oprah, CNN International, NPR’s All Things Considered, and the Savage Lovecast. Her consultancy work includes editing a handbook for parents of children born with relatively uncommon forms of sex anatomy (intersex) and co-editing a teaching guide on LGBT patient care for the Association of American Medical Colleges. She has been on the faculty of several universities, most recently at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine. Her last book, Galileo’s Middle Finger: Heretics, Activists, and One Scholar’s Search for Justice has been named an Editors’ Choice by The New York Times. It has received praise in The New Yorker, Salon, Forbes, and New York Magazine and has just been released in paperback with a new afterword.
Cover design by Adil Dara.
80 pages, Paperback
Published July 28, 2016
19 people are currently reading
132 people want to read
About the author
Alice Domurat Dreger
8 books95 followersAlice Dreger is a Professor of Clinical Medical Humanities and Bioethics at Feinberg School of Medicine of Northwestern University.
"In a phrase, I do social justice work in medicine and science. I do that through my research, writing, speaking, and advocacy. . . Much of my professional energies has gone to using history to improve the medical and social treatment of people born with norm-challenging bodies, including people with atypical sex (intersex and disorders of sex development), conjoinment, dwarfism, and cleft lip. The question that motivates many of my projects is this: Why not change minds instead of bodies?"
--from the author's website
"In a phrase, I do social justice work in medicine and science. I do that through my research, writing, speaking, and advocacy. . . Much of my professional energies has gone to using history to improve the medical and social treatment of people born with norm-challenging bodies, including people with atypical sex (intersex and disorders of sex development), conjoinment, dwarfism, and cleft lip. The question that motivates many of my projects is this: Why not change minds instead of bodies?"
--from the author's website
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
January 20, 2024
Let's start by saying that the book is engaging and I thoroughly enjoyed listening to the audiobook. The author delicately shows how she talked to her little one about difficult, important topics for a child's development. Placing bodily boundaries, emotional boundaries, or knowledge about the developing body. I really liked this book; this is how books should be written for people who think about the safety of their loved ones. I hope that many people will read this book.
February 8, 2017
It's rare to read a book that is accurate, nuanced, brief, and laugh-out-loud funny, but this one accomplished all of the above. I was pleased with the nuanced treatment of topics like sexual orientation and intersex variations. Dreger generally did an excellent job of reflecting the state of the research in many areas (as I'd expect from an accomplished academic like herself). The chapter on anatomy is one of the best brief readings I've seen, and I'd consider assigning it in a human sexuality course. That said, I would like to see an update of gender identity coverage in the next edition. To be fair, this is a controversial area of research, and most texts are having trouble keeping up with the state of the research. Olson's (2016) article, titled "Prepubescent transgender children: What we do and do not know," explains the methodological issues that make many researchers skeptical of the conclusions Dreger describes in this book. That said, I'd recommend this book (with reservations about the trans sections) to fellow parents and to professors looking for accessible readings for courses in public health, psychology, biology, and women's, gender, and sexuality studies.
September 12, 2020
What I learned:
- "The talk" is not "ONE" conversation you have with your kid, it consists of multiple talks
- It probably requires more lifestyle change. A change from being judgemental (getting off the shame-pride axis to being more "descriptive" in the way we talk. there are copious examples given
- this challenges cultural norms (IMHO for the better)
I thought this is an excellent book to reflect on the way judgemental words unconsciously come out and lead to problematic situations. The practice of this leads to even more difficult questions as time goes by, sometimes even questions that challenge normality. It does seem that being more descriptive and less judgemental opens communication channels and allows for these conversations to happen. that in turn leads to even more difficult questions.
- "The talk" is not "ONE" conversation you have with your kid, it consists of multiple talks
- It probably requires more lifestyle change. A change from being judgemental (getting off the shame-pride axis to being more "descriptive" in the way we talk. there are copious examples given
- this challenges cultural norms (IMHO for the better)
I thought this is an excellent book to reflect on the way judgemental words unconsciously come out and lead to problematic situations. The practice of this leads to even more difficult questions as time goes by, sometimes even questions that challenge normality. It does seem that being more descriptive and less judgemental opens communication channels and allows for these conversations to happen. that in turn leads to even more difficult questions.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 19, 2017
Please read and educate yourselves! So many things I didn't know and can now see the world through another perspective. Knowledge is definitely power.
This handy guide Really put things into perspective for me. I feel like the overview at the end was really helpful. I have forwarded this to all my Dance Mom friends and to my closest friends as well. Thank you for writing this. The public school system should use this a guide for teaching sexual education.
This handy guide Really put things into perspective for me. I feel like the overview at the end was really helpful. I have forwarded this to all my Dance Mom friends and to my closest friends as well. Thank you for writing this. The public school system should use this a guide for teaching sexual education.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews