Major B.S.

by John Martin

Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe never asked for a helicopter to take away his dreams and make him one of the most hated characters in funny fiction. What he really wanted was money, a knighthood and for everyone to call him Major B.S.

Buy the book books2read.com/u/bzp8LG

The novel is set around Canberra, Australia though two of the key characters come from London.
If you enjoy a bit of schadenfreude, you'll appreciate seeing Major B.S. getting his comeuppance while the man he bullies and belittles emerges as the real hero of the novel.


SYNOPSIS
Things start going wrong for Major B.S. when he accidentally brings 12 illegal immigrants into the country. Then he finds out the historic grazing property owned by his eighth wife is under threat of bankruptcy.
The downward spiral continues after he summons his one-eared former sergeant, Billy Baxter, from England. The plan is for him to help the major convert an old shearing shed to accommodate executives he's signed up for a training course, which he hopes will solve their financial woes. But Major B.S. never banked on the illegal immigrants re-entering his life to make things even more complicated.
When Major BS and Bax start seeing a mysterious helicopter, Major BS takes it as confirmation someone is moving in on his neighbour who simply must be shady -- and decides to take matters into his own hands. He's sure his heroism will hurry his knighthood along.

Throw in a bunch of other eccentric characters, a spot of Morris dancing, and the implosion of Major B.S.'s latest marriage, and this story will have you chuckling and guessing what could possibly happen next.

This novel employs English spelling and grammar with a sprinkling of Aussie lingo.

If you like the madcap worlds created by Tom Sharpe, Carl Hiassen or Colin Bateman, buy this novel so you can escape reality and lose yourself in chuckles for a few hours. Get the book books2read.com/u/bzp8LG

This book is also for sale at Amazon as a print-on-demand book, though that's only available in the US, UK, Germany, France, Spain, Italy and Japan stores. (sorry fellow Aussies, this is out of my control).

Unknown Binding

About the author

I'm an Australian who writes funny novels with a dash of mystery and sometimes with a dollop of whodunnit. Heck, 2020 even brought out some black comedy from me.

Reviews

[Majenta · Rating 4 out of 5]

Major Jeremy Billycock-Smyth is a major P.O.S., but the story John Martin builds around him is definitely not; it's a major delight. The more time you spend with him the more you might wonder why he doesn't come home every day soaked and bleeding, as he does right off in Chapter 1, but that certainly is a dramatic beginning and you'll wonder what caused it and what he does about it. He and his new wife, the former Miss Millicent "Molly" Rowbottom, are living in Molly's ANcestral home, which they're in danger of losing, with Molly's dog "Two Dogs", whom Major B.S. barely tolerates. Their neighbors are local veterinarian Dr. Smith and local shopkeepers Bob and Roberta Roberts and their two young sons. Major B.S. constantly calls Roberta the wrong name and otherwise treats her as condescendingly as he does just about everybody else--but not everybody else wields a butcher knife with Roberta's (over)zeal. Major BS insists on thinking that Dr. Smith is hiding something and becomes determined to bust him, while also trying to launch his new business venture, "Crocodile Trainee."

"The ink was blue, but in her imagination it was gold." (Location 140)

"'You won't mind if I use the Queen's English and call it a hen house.' ... 'Please yourself, but we used to have a couple of roosters too.'" (Major BS and Millicent at Location 484)

"It was perfect. like his very own Hadrian's Wall, though this one served to keep the Scottish barbarian in instead of keeping him out." (Location 503)

"...watched his silhouette do a taking-off-his-trousers dance in the dark." (Location 2051)

Martin generously includes samples of two of his upcoming novels. He's off to an interesting start!

Thanks for reading.

[Montzalee Wittmann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Major B.S. by John Martin is about a British, manipulative, very sexist, arrogant Major that should be punched in the nose daily but instead is trying to find a way to get a Knighthood he certainly doesn't deserve. He finally gets what he deserves in the end, and the way to his "Knighthood" is not the way he planned it. I thought the story was pretty good except for Two Dogs, this was horrible! Those who have read it know what I mean! LOL. There has the British humor, a silly plot, a load of crazy characters, and a fitting ending. I was given this book to read and I was under no obligation to leave a review but felt I should pass on to others what I felt.

[Lance Carney · Rating 4 out of 5]

Major Billycock-Smythe is decidedly British; uppity, manipulative, clueless and full of…well, b.s. He could be a poster child for inappropriateness. But through his Australian misadventures involving Oobagoogu refugees, a snake, the Immigration Office, a reporter from the newspaper he calls the Daily Lemonsuck, he becomes quite humorous.

His seventh wife, Molly (who the Major insists on calling Millicent against her wishes) inherited the once grand estate, Rowbottom in Canberra, which the bank is about to take due to back payments. Major BS hatches a plan to retire from the Adventure Travel Business and start Crocodile Trainee, an executive training company that includes the executives actually swinging across a creek infested with killer crocodiles. As the Major says, “If someone slips into a crocodile’s jaws, well, they were probably just a liability to the company anyway.”

I read this book before but now the author has had it professionally edited and the story rearranged. It actually added a bit of mystery and intrigue. Major BS and the Illegal Immigrants was an enjoyable read both times which elicited plenty of giggles (like when the Major indicated having a baby was an unfortunate side effect of rumpy pumpy). A bonus this time around was the added ending “BS PS” which John Martin will send to you if you contact him via his website www.dunno.com.au.

We all know people like the Major, someone we would prefer to laugh at from afar rather than sit next to on a bus or plane. There were likeable characters to offset the Major; his wife Molly/Millicent, his friend and second in command Bax, even his strange neighbor Bob Roberts. All in all, it was a bloody fun read, what?

[Tony Duxbury · Rating 3 out of 5]

An amusing romp from down under. Full of misunderstandings, mainly by the protagonist, Major BS. A selfish, self-centred man with extreme attitudes and not a great deal of intelligence. His constant schemes and underhand capers to make money get him deeper and deeper into trouble. The kind of man you would move away from at a party or cross the road to avoid. Although it amused me, I found that it did end a bit too abruptly.

[Priya · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have to confess that Major BS took me some time to get used to. His arrogance, ignorance and almost pride at being a jerk was quite repulsive. But the other characters in the storyline made me warm up to the book and the cliffhanger ending will make me read the next one in the series.

[Lori Mitchell Myers · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book. it's funny and kept my interest. How can one man be so full of B.S. and yet get away with it?!

[Andy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I would reluctantly compare this with "The hundred year old man who climbed out of a window and disappeared" - in that it being a similar style of farce. But it has non of the charm, warmth or humour of that latter.
The name "Major BS" was a very poor choice, as it was irritating to read, but not half as irritating as the character himself. Everybody in the story hated him, and wanted to avoid him, and seeing the whole story involves him, I resented reading about him.

[Ivana Books Are Magic · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would say that this is a highly enjoyable story featuring a very politically incorrect protagonist (a definite anti-hero) who has been married 6 time and is currently living with his wife number 7. Major BS ( a very fitting name) is ridiculously annoying, and I admire the writer for managing to keep that level of ridiculousness throughout the whole novel. Major BS is so bad he makes everyone look good. He is very much the cartoon villain, but in this story it works. Paradoxically, it is Major BS who adds a humane touch to this story. He is like the glue that holds everything together.

True, this character feels like a cartoon, but some people are like that. His falling relationship with his wife Molly (whom he insists on calling Milicent after he found her birth certificate) is somewhat predictable, but their estranged talks were funny nevertheless. I would have loved to know a bit more about Molly, but I guess this novel was a bit short for a detailed character study. The characters felt realistic, if somewhat predictable, and it was easy to sympathize with them- perhaps because they were all bullied by Major BS. That is everyone apart from unnamed minister buddy of his (for who can bully a politician- not even Major BS).

This novel has an interesting narrative that is quite easy to follow and a refreshing doze of humor, but I suppose that what I liked the most were the characters. Despite the fact that they're not studied in detail, I still found them easy to relate to. They're a fascinating bunch and they interact well together. Their dialogues are very well written. For me, that's priceless. I do enjoy a good dialogue. The story is set in Australia. I enjoyed the setting and the narrative itself made sense. All the details in the novel felt right. It is not a very complex and ambition novel, but still it is nice when details fit the story.

I did enjoy the humor of this novel. I found the whole story quite funny- even if things were often convenient when it came to the development of the plot. I mean, you know that something bad is going to happen to Major B.S. You know that karma is going to hit him sooner than later. At the same time, the story was developed well enough to keep my interest. I could see some things happen, but I didn't mind that. So, no major complains. This is a solid novel. Not life changing but not every book needs to be. It is a light and an entertaining read.

[Frank · Rating 4 out of 5]

Major Billycock-Smythe, aka Major BS, is a former British army officer with plans to save his seventh wife's Australian grazing property from bankruptcy and, in doing so, somehow wrangle a knightship. Unfortunately, things go awry when his travel agency loses some clients in a tour of a hostile company and only Major BS returns. He brings in twelve illegal aliens and immediately becomes involved in a government plan to hide the aliens until they can achieve citizenship. The major is a pompous sort, driving his wife, neighbors, and associates crazy. The writing is humorous and many of the situations are needfully absurd. The book does not reach the absurdity of authors such as Tom Sharpe, but does provide a number of laugh out loud situations. I thought that many of the situations could have included much more humor instead of seeming to lead-in for one punchline. The story comes to a sudden conclusion as if it was time to finish to story so let's wrap things up. Not a bad story, but it could have been so much more.

[Zara's Corner · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was another new author to me and he didn’t disappoint. The book was an easy and quick read which incorporated a play on words. For example, the extended version of the title Major BS, was a polite take on a couple of swear words which really fitted the main male protagonist as he was a real piece of work. The book contained a good helping of sarcasm and humour which provided a nice reprieve from the more serious books I’ve been reading lately. I visited the author’s website and discovered that you could request the final chapter to be sent to you which I took advantage. I was actually surprised that the ending I read wasn’t its actual ending because the book sounded complete as it was. However, when I read the last chapter that was provided I didn’t find that it added anything to the overall book, in fact I found it only muddied the book. The last chapter could have been left out without affecting the book as a whole.

[Govno Nichevo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought that this was an okay read. I liked the concept although the story had a slow start. Amusing in places although it did not feel like it was in the same league as Tom Sharpe. The book could use another round of editing, but it was readable.