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I Will Never Forget: A Daughter's Story of Her Mother's Arduous and Humorous Journey Through Dementia
I Will NEVER Forget is the powerful true story of the author Elaine’s talented mother's extraordinary journey through Dementia. Through superb stories from Elaine’s childhood, including her controversial name, tales of smokin’ dragons and the feisty teenage years, Betty Ward’s wonderful character is revealed.
Over time, as their relationship evolves and a new paradigm is formed, her mother begins to exhibit goofy behaviors, uncharacteristic verbal assaults and bizarre thinking. The author referees her mom’s fascinating visions of her own mother, Houdini-like escapes and finally a stunning rally to control of her own destiny.
This memoir is a heartwarming tribute of love for anyone touched by Alzheimer’s.
Over time, as their relationship evolves and a new paradigm is formed, her mother begins to exhibit goofy behaviors, uncharacteristic verbal assaults and bizarre thinking. The author referees her mom’s fascinating visions of her own mother, Houdini-like escapes and finally a stunning rally to control of her own destiny.
This memoir is a heartwarming tribute of love for anyone touched by Alzheimer’s.
277 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 29, 2014
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June 2, 2014
I Will Never Forget by Elaine C. Pereira is a 2012 publication. I was provided a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
This is a non-fiction account of a daughter's journey through dementia with her mother. Elaine details the first inklings she had that all was not as it should be with her mom to the days when it became apparent her mother needed assistance to the final times when her mom was suffering more bad days than good. Through out this Elaine sprinkles fond memories of her childhood days and special moments with her mother.
Betty Ward was an inspiring woman ahead of her time. She suffered heartache and loss, dealt with a series of blows in losing a child and the decline of her husband's health. She sets a wonderful example for daughter to follow later in life when she will face many challenges.
As to the writing, there were times I had to wonder at the reasoning for inserting this particular story at this particular time. The author jumped from her mother's childhood, to her own childhood, to the present and then back through time again as she remembered key events. At times a person in the family that had died would pop up in a story later on and I had to wonder why she didn't put the events in some kind of chronological order so the reader would not lose track of what order things happened in. I don't mind skipping back and forth in time, but the organization could have been worked on a little bit. It had the feel of someone jotting down events as they remembered them and then never putting them into any particular order.
Other than that one gripe, the formatting and grammar were fine and the author did a great job of bringing her mother to life , and giving the reader such a personal insight we felt like we knew her and felt great empathy for Elaine as she dealt with life's punches.
Thankfully, as of this moment, I have not had a member of my family diagnosed with any form of dementia. However, as an employee in a retail establishment where the majority of the clientele were elderly, I saw my fair share of this type of situation. I have been told about moonwalks, and dealt with a few “escapees” from nursing homes which were close by. I have spoken with the adult children who now accompany their parent to the store and I've seen the toll it takes on them. There have been times when, although it wasn't really funny, something would be said that all of us had to laugh at, the family most of all.
I had grown to care for many of these customers over the years and watching their slow decline was often emotional and painful. I can't imagine how I would feel if it were a member of my family and I had to deal with it on a daily basis as opposed to a brief once a week encounter.
The signs are often so vague we fail to pick up on them right away. After all, all of us from time to time experience these types of symptoms. Losing keys, or a word won't come to mind and we have to search our brains for it. Stress and the effects of losing a spouse can also play a role in behavior changes. I saw this quite often . Vibrant, active, sharp senior citizens would become withdrawn, sloppy, and develop physical ailments after their spouse passed away. Sometimes we attribute those changes to grief and dementia is not the first thing that comes to mind.
Elaine did a great job of caring for her mother. With her own marriage, career, children, grandchildren, and dealing with other monumental life changing issues, Elaine plowed on without complaint. She had the support of her husband and children to help her through difficult times. I admired her patience, felt for her loss as she watched the woman she knew and loved slowly disappear right in front of her eyes, and felt her inspiration. As my own parents age, I hope that I will have the strength and tenderness to deal with the challenges of aging and the heartbreaking decisions that often go with caring for a parent.
This book does deal with a serious health issue and while there were comical moments, the book is not a fairytale, sugarcoated, watered down version of events. But, at the same time, reading Elaine's journey is thought provoking and for those who have one on one experience with dementia, it can be cathartic. For those of us not as acquainted with the disease it is a learning experience. I came away from reading this book with a greater understanding of the parent/ child bond, family ties, maturity, selfless love, and the way to handle life's hardships. There are no pat answers and no one has the exact same experience, but I think Elaine's story will strike a cord for anyone who reads this book.
This one gets four stars
This is a non-fiction account of a daughter's journey through dementia with her mother. Elaine details the first inklings she had that all was not as it should be with her mom to the days when it became apparent her mother needed assistance to the final times when her mom was suffering more bad days than good. Through out this Elaine sprinkles fond memories of her childhood days and special moments with her mother.
Betty Ward was an inspiring woman ahead of her time. She suffered heartache and loss, dealt with a series of blows in losing a child and the decline of her husband's health. She sets a wonderful example for daughter to follow later in life when she will face many challenges.
As to the writing, there were times I had to wonder at the reasoning for inserting this particular story at this particular time. The author jumped from her mother's childhood, to her own childhood, to the present and then back through time again as she remembered key events. At times a person in the family that had died would pop up in a story later on and I had to wonder why she didn't put the events in some kind of chronological order so the reader would not lose track of what order things happened in. I don't mind skipping back and forth in time, but the organization could have been worked on a little bit. It had the feel of someone jotting down events as they remembered them and then never putting them into any particular order.
Other than that one gripe, the formatting and grammar were fine and the author did a great job of bringing her mother to life , and giving the reader such a personal insight we felt like we knew her and felt great empathy for Elaine as she dealt with life's punches.
Thankfully, as of this moment, I have not had a member of my family diagnosed with any form of dementia. However, as an employee in a retail establishment where the majority of the clientele were elderly, I saw my fair share of this type of situation. I have been told about moonwalks, and dealt with a few “escapees” from nursing homes which were close by. I have spoken with the adult children who now accompany their parent to the store and I've seen the toll it takes on them. There have been times when, although it wasn't really funny, something would be said that all of us had to laugh at, the family most of all.
I had grown to care for many of these customers over the years and watching their slow decline was often emotional and painful. I can't imagine how I would feel if it were a member of my family and I had to deal with it on a daily basis as opposed to a brief once a week encounter.
The signs are often so vague we fail to pick up on them right away. After all, all of us from time to time experience these types of symptoms. Losing keys, or a word won't come to mind and we have to search our brains for it. Stress and the effects of losing a spouse can also play a role in behavior changes. I saw this quite often . Vibrant, active, sharp senior citizens would become withdrawn, sloppy, and develop physical ailments after their spouse passed away. Sometimes we attribute those changes to grief and dementia is not the first thing that comes to mind.
Elaine did a great job of caring for her mother. With her own marriage, career, children, grandchildren, and dealing with other monumental life changing issues, Elaine plowed on without complaint. She had the support of her husband and children to help her through difficult times. I admired her patience, felt for her loss as she watched the woman she knew and loved slowly disappear right in front of her eyes, and felt her inspiration. As my own parents age, I hope that I will have the strength and tenderness to deal with the challenges of aging and the heartbreaking decisions that often go with caring for a parent.
This book does deal with a serious health issue and while there were comical moments, the book is not a fairytale, sugarcoated, watered down version of events. But, at the same time, reading Elaine's journey is thought provoking and for those who have one on one experience with dementia, it can be cathartic. For those of us not as acquainted with the disease it is a learning experience. I came away from reading this book with a greater understanding of the parent/ child bond, family ties, maturity, selfless love, and the way to handle life's hardships. There are no pat answers and no one has the exact same experience, but I think Elaine's story will strike a cord for anyone who reads this book.
This one gets four stars
November 14, 2012
I believe it is extremely difficult to write a book like this. Being so close to your loved one, watching them die and then to be able to pour it out into words needs extreme courage. Though it's beneficial and almost therapeutic to take it all out, it doesn't mean that it is easy. Hats off to Elaine for her courage and perseverance to follow through with this book.
I love the way this book has been compiled. It is not just about Dementia but so much more. It is about Betty Ward, the woman, the strong, beautiful person that she was. However, sadly, that makes the twist of fate all the more worse. To see such an independent woman in a dependent position is not easy, more so for the loved ones.
I am amazed at how Elaine has been able to find some humor in such adverse conditions. It is applaudable. Also, the reverse role of a mother that Elaine plays towards Betty is touching and heart-breaking.
The only lacuna as I may say that I found with this book was that I had a little trouble going from one incident/time to another. I guess, I don't like changes much. I am more of a flowing in one direction kind of person. However, having said that, I do realize that putting a life into a book is almost an impossible task and hence I should not judge it by my comfort of how things should be.
All in all, a beautiful, heart-breaking, real-life book by a daughter who has seen her mother in completely opposite scenarios, been through it all, stood by her and then took the time and courage to remember her mother's life forever by sharing it with others who may or may not be aware of this deplorable condition called Dementia. It gives solace to those who may have gone through such similar conditions and gives them a friend to share it all with. And for those who don't know much about Dementia, it gives an overview into the emotional and symptomatic element of Dementia.
This is a book worth reading by all. I highly recommend it.
I love the way this book has been compiled. It is not just about Dementia but so much more. It is about Betty Ward, the woman, the strong, beautiful person that she was. However, sadly, that makes the twist of fate all the more worse. To see such an independent woman in a dependent position is not easy, more so for the loved ones.
I am amazed at how Elaine has been able to find some humor in such adverse conditions. It is applaudable. Also, the reverse role of a mother that Elaine plays towards Betty is touching and heart-breaking.
The only lacuna as I may say that I found with this book was that I had a little trouble going from one incident/time to another. I guess, I don't like changes much. I am more of a flowing in one direction kind of person. However, having said that, I do realize that putting a life into a book is almost an impossible task and hence I should not judge it by my comfort of how things should be.
All in all, a beautiful, heart-breaking, real-life book by a daughter who has seen her mother in completely opposite scenarios, been through it all, stood by her and then took the time and courage to remember her mother's life forever by sharing it with others who may or may not be aware of this deplorable condition called Dementia. It gives solace to those who may have gone through such similar conditions and gives them a friend to share it all with. And for those who don't know much about Dementia, it gives an overview into the emotional and symptomatic element of Dementia.
This is a book worth reading by all. I highly recommend it.
February 17, 2013
This is a tender memoir of a daughter's helpless journey through her mother's dementia. While I usually expect memoirs that deal with subject matter such as this to start at the beginning of the problem and work their way straight forward to the end result, which of course is never happy, this book takes a different approach.
Elaine Pereira tells her own story and that of her mother through experiences of her own childhood and the more recent history of when her mother started showing signs of the disease. The way she does this, makes this work a far deeper experience than you would have if she had only told the story of her mother in recent years. The reader is able to see the kind of woman that Betty used to be. She was independent, lively, vibrant and intelligent. Having the alternate descriptions of her life after the effects of Alzheimer's began ravaging her mind showed just how destructive, unfair and sorrowful this disease really is.
While often memoirs of this particular disease are nothing but sad from beginning to end, the author has taken every opportunity to balance her book with humor, information and life experience that evened out the scales. I found this book to be informative and intelligent while still expressing compassion for her mother and for others that have gone through this.
What I enjoyed most about this memoir, is that it highlights that dementia is a disease the family must live through as well. It is not only the patient that goes through the horrors of Alzheimer's. The sense of frustration and helplessness the author portrays through her writing is so palpable.
If you have anyone in your life who has gone through this, or is going through this you should read this book. Even if your don't and you want a realistic picture of this disease, this would be a good place to start.
I was provided a review copy of this book in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.
Elaine Pereira tells her own story and that of her mother through experiences of her own childhood and the more recent history of when her mother started showing signs of the disease. The way she does this, makes this work a far deeper experience than you would have if she had only told the story of her mother in recent years. The reader is able to see the kind of woman that Betty used to be. She was independent, lively, vibrant and intelligent. Having the alternate descriptions of her life after the effects of Alzheimer's began ravaging her mind showed just how destructive, unfair and sorrowful this disease really is.
While often memoirs of this particular disease are nothing but sad from beginning to end, the author has taken every opportunity to balance her book with humor, information and life experience that evened out the scales. I found this book to be informative and intelligent while still expressing compassion for her mother and for others that have gone through this.
What I enjoyed most about this memoir, is that it highlights that dementia is a disease the family must live through as well. It is not only the patient that goes through the horrors of Alzheimer's. The sense of frustration and helplessness the author portrays through her writing is so palpable.
If you have anyone in your life who has gone through this, or is going through this you should read this book. Even if your don't and you want a realistic picture of this disease, this would be a good place to start.
I was provided a review copy of this book in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.
February 13, 2013
An ambiguous journey
Dementia and Alzheimer's disease and all the variations of the deterioration of brain activity and function are a topic of great interest at present: some are even suggesting that our dietary habits and our tendency toward sedentary lives are contributing to the growing incidence of the problem. But perhaps if more of us were more mindful of the early signs of diminishing cerebration, then steps could be taken to aid those who have begun that descent and possibly even slow the eventual process or hopefully await a cure.
What Elaine Pereira has provided in this profoundly interesting and moving book is an actual observation of the process of dementia. Elaine's mother's actions and behavior, in retrospect, show how insidious the onset of dementia can be. This warmly understanding and humorous and touching book follows the path that the author and her mother followed as the mother's mind gradually was unable to connect even the most simple synapses that make the world understandable and livable. The manner in which the author writes this memoir is far more helpful to the general populace than simply a fond recollection of a mother daughter relationship strained by the slow but inevitable onset of dementia. In these pages we read the subtle (often very humorous) day-to-day episodes that, though trying at the time, in retrospect offer signs for us all to learn about how to recognize and cope with dementia.
This is a book of love written by a sensitive woman who worked as an occupational therapist before retiring to pen this book. Her sensitivity is understandable, given her background and the fact that she is writing about her own mother's gradual mental dissolution. What is rather amazing and inspiring is her ability to write with such grace, not having previous experience as an author. Example: `Unfortunately, I was part of the problem. I saw my mom as a glass half full, mostly together except for some episodes of disorientation when, in fact, she was more half empty with fleeting moments of lucidity. I wasn't seeing the day-day blunders, errors in judgment, outbursts, confusion, obsession, and paranoia, just to name a few.'
It is this quality of insight and writing that will most decidedly assist the general populace in recognizing and dealing with the early signs of dementia in those around us. And that is precisely why this book should be widely read by the general public. This is both a deeply moving story and a very helpful guide for us all. Highly Recommended.
Grady Harp
Dementia and Alzheimer's disease and all the variations of the deterioration of brain activity and function are a topic of great interest at present: some are even suggesting that our dietary habits and our tendency toward sedentary lives are contributing to the growing incidence of the problem. But perhaps if more of us were more mindful of the early signs of diminishing cerebration, then steps could be taken to aid those who have begun that descent and possibly even slow the eventual process or hopefully await a cure.
What Elaine Pereira has provided in this profoundly interesting and moving book is an actual observation of the process of dementia. Elaine's mother's actions and behavior, in retrospect, show how insidious the onset of dementia can be. This warmly understanding and humorous and touching book follows the path that the author and her mother followed as the mother's mind gradually was unable to connect even the most simple synapses that make the world understandable and livable. The manner in which the author writes this memoir is far more helpful to the general populace than simply a fond recollection of a mother daughter relationship strained by the slow but inevitable onset of dementia. In these pages we read the subtle (often very humorous) day-to-day episodes that, though trying at the time, in retrospect offer signs for us all to learn about how to recognize and cope with dementia.
This is a book of love written by a sensitive woman who worked as an occupational therapist before retiring to pen this book. Her sensitivity is understandable, given her background and the fact that she is writing about her own mother's gradual mental dissolution. What is rather amazing and inspiring is her ability to write with such grace, not having previous experience as an author. Example: `Unfortunately, I was part of the problem. I saw my mom as a glass half full, mostly together except for some episodes of disorientation when, in fact, she was more half empty with fleeting moments of lucidity. I wasn't seeing the day-day blunders, errors in judgment, outbursts, confusion, obsession, and paranoia, just to name a few.'
It is this quality of insight and writing that will most decidedly assist the general populace in recognizing and dealing with the early signs of dementia in those around us. And that is precisely why this book should be widely read by the general public. This is both a deeply moving story and a very helpful guide for us all. Highly Recommended.
Grady Harp
December 23, 2013
An almost four. I was a goodreads first reads winner of the book "I will Never Forget:A Daughter's Story of Her Mother's Ardous and Humerous Journey Through Dementia.
the Author Elaine c. Pereira. Devotes much of this book talking about her mother.Betty Ward. She goes back and forth in time. Part of the book is about Elaine growing up getting married having twins, getting married again, and her other family members, Her brother Jerry, mother, father and sister in law. some of the time growing up, she mentions her mother Betty and influences she had on her life. the other part of the book deals with Betty and her journey through Dementia. Elaine witnessing her mother slowly change. becoming more forgetful, confused. the pain involved watching her mom change and the devastating results that dementia does to a loved one. a good read. Elaine is very spot on describing her mother battle ths horrible cruelties that dementia does to a person's mind.
the Author Elaine c. Pereira. Devotes much of this book talking about her mother.Betty Ward. She goes back and forth in time. Part of the book is about Elaine growing up getting married having twins, getting married again, and her other family members, Her brother Jerry, mother, father and sister in law. some of the time growing up, she mentions her mother Betty and influences she had on her life. the other part of the book deals with Betty and her journey through Dementia. Elaine witnessing her mother slowly change. becoming more forgetful, confused. the pain involved watching her mom change and the devastating results that dementia does to a loved one. a good read. Elaine is very spot on describing her mother battle ths horrible cruelties that dementia does to a person's mind.
January 31, 2013
As I finished reading Elaine C. Pereira’s book, I Will Never Forget, I found myself sobbing. The sentiments she writes of in the poem at the end really describes so much of the experience she shared with her mom.
Please do not misunderstand my sobbing at the end of the book, because it is not a depressing tear-jerker. I cried because I am living some of the same scenes and I fully understand the up and down roller coaster of needing to know when to hold on and when to let go.
Betty Ward was a very caring mother of two sons, David and Jerry, one daughter, Elaine, and the devoted wife to F.Wayne Ward. The book begins with the Christmas setting of 1962 as Elaine explains about her love of shaking the wrapped Christmas presents in the hopes of guessing the contents. I had to grin, because my sisters and I have done the same thing. The next chapter merges to the Christmas of 2009 with Betty arriving to spend the holiday with Elaine and her family. During the course of the next couple of days, Elaine will notice changes in her mothers behavior and appearance which alerts her to problems. This seems to be the beginning of a decline in Bettys abilities to live on her own.
Elaine and her husband Joe begin to suspect Betty needs more help than it appears. Read the book to discover how easily a patient with early stage Dementia and/or Alzheimer's disease can present a very lucid front to family during short visits. Astonishingly, even her long time internist did not understand the depth of Betty’s limitations. I am so glad that Elaine wrote about the very simple and basic questions which are asked the patient to determine if he or she is compromised in their thinking, memory, and reasoning abilities. It is a very easy task for the impaired person to answer those questions and therefore it hampers a correct diagnosis and competent actions for the patient.
Elaine must travel two hours from her home to visit with her mom at the retirement village where she has lived for more than ten years. As Betty’s symptoms become more prominent and her actions more aggressive, Elaine must consider moving her mom to a care facility closer to her own home. This is a very important consideration due to Betty’s condition. Once you take a dementia patient from their well know environment, it can be catastrophic for their mental well being. So, how will Elaine balance the need for extra care for her mother and the possibility that the move will cause more mental distress?
There are other major events which happen in Elaine's family as she juggles a busy life with her husband, daughters, mother, and job. I do not want to write spoilers, but the devastation of cancer appears in her family. How do you tell a mother with limited emotional resources that her child is suffering a fatal illness?
I Will Never Forget, is a very good resource book for anyone who is facing the possibility of longtime care for a parent or sibling in the throes of dementia. Read the book and you will get a glimpse of the questions you need to ask yourself regarding your own ability to provide care and support. The occurrences of neglect and injury arise even when Betty is a resident in a very ‘secure’ care environment. Oh, I was upset as I read this event!
The title of this book is a reference to memory. I will Never Forget, will remind you to keep a journal of this journey with your loved one. Include memories from your past fun times, and family events of happier times in the journal as Elaine Pereira has done in this book. It help the caregiver to keep a better perspective of life....not just the sorrowful times, but the happy memories of a loving mother as well.
Please do not misunderstand my sobbing at the end of the book, because it is not a depressing tear-jerker. I cried because I am living some of the same scenes and I fully understand the up and down roller coaster of needing to know when to hold on and when to let go.
Betty Ward was a very caring mother of two sons, David and Jerry, one daughter, Elaine, and the devoted wife to F.Wayne Ward. The book begins with the Christmas setting of 1962 as Elaine explains about her love of shaking the wrapped Christmas presents in the hopes of guessing the contents. I had to grin, because my sisters and I have done the same thing. The next chapter merges to the Christmas of 2009 with Betty arriving to spend the holiday with Elaine and her family. During the course of the next couple of days, Elaine will notice changes in her mothers behavior and appearance which alerts her to problems. This seems to be the beginning of a decline in Bettys abilities to live on her own.
Elaine and her husband Joe begin to suspect Betty needs more help than it appears. Read the book to discover how easily a patient with early stage Dementia and/or Alzheimer's disease can present a very lucid front to family during short visits. Astonishingly, even her long time internist did not understand the depth of Betty’s limitations. I am so glad that Elaine wrote about the very simple and basic questions which are asked the patient to determine if he or she is compromised in their thinking, memory, and reasoning abilities. It is a very easy task for the impaired person to answer those questions and therefore it hampers a correct diagnosis and competent actions for the patient.
Elaine must travel two hours from her home to visit with her mom at the retirement village where she has lived for more than ten years. As Betty’s symptoms become more prominent and her actions more aggressive, Elaine must consider moving her mom to a care facility closer to her own home. This is a very important consideration due to Betty’s condition. Once you take a dementia patient from their well know environment, it can be catastrophic for their mental well being. So, how will Elaine balance the need for extra care for her mother and the possibility that the move will cause more mental distress?
There are other major events which happen in Elaine's family as she juggles a busy life with her husband, daughters, mother, and job. I do not want to write spoilers, but the devastation of cancer appears in her family. How do you tell a mother with limited emotional resources that her child is suffering a fatal illness?
I Will Never Forget, is a very good resource book for anyone who is facing the possibility of longtime care for a parent or sibling in the throes of dementia. Read the book and you will get a glimpse of the questions you need to ask yourself regarding your own ability to provide care and support. The occurrences of neglect and injury arise even when Betty is a resident in a very ‘secure’ care environment. Oh, I was upset as I read this event!
The title of this book is a reference to memory. I will Never Forget, will remind you to keep a journal of this journey with your loved one. Include memories from your past fun times, and family events of happier times in the journal as Elaine Pereira has done in this book. It help the caregiver to keep a better perspective of life....not just the sorrowful times, but the happy memories of a loving mother as well.
December 14, 2015
A rather touching and emotional read, topped with loving humour as you follow the author, Elaine, and her 'mom', Betty, through the heartbreaking decline of Dementia. Immediately you are aware of the beautiful close bond of mother and daughter through childhood and family memories, past events and tender moments experienced through the illness. I especially felt that the support from the Elaine's husband, Joe, was paramount in aiding Elaine through such a turmoil.
You will find yourself feeling the emotions, enjoying the lighter moments, understanding Elaine's concerns and her mom's struggles, as well as laughing through the stories and the newly acquired 'escape artist' skills and for me especially at the end filling with tears.
This isn't just a memoir, a tribute to her mom, it's a major insight into how Dementia can begin, how it starts to slowly win the battle and unbelievably takes away the mind of your loved one. Highlighting the issues she experienced along the way, in a soft yet informative way, the author brings awareness of having to deal with Dementia, caring for someone with Dementia and the tough decisions on finding the suitable choices of care as well as accepting the professional advice offered even though it's hard.
Elaine is extremely honest about the tell tale signs she could have picked up on earlier, but in hindsight this is the case of many illnesses. The early warning signs appear yet sometimes they are far too easy to overlook or to put them down to something else, especially if the patient is trying to mask the illness to protect loved ones from the true reality. The actual acceptance can be just far too great for both patient and carer.
A tremendous loving tribute of her Mom's Dementia journey, sharing her insights to those who may be in a similar situation. Be ready for joy, happiness, sadness, loss and shock in this wonderful read.
You will find yourself feeling the emotions, enjoying the lighter moments, understanding Elaine's concerns and her mom's struggles, as well as laughing through the stories and the newly acquired 'escape artist' skills and for me especially at the end filling with tears.
This isn't just a memoir, a tribute to her mom, it's a major insight into how Dementia can begin, how it starts to slowly win the battle and unbelievably takes away the mind of your loved one. Highlighting the issues she experienced along the way, in a soft yet informative way, the author brings awareness of having to deal with Dementia, caring for someone with Dementia and the tough decisions on finding the suitable choices of care as well as accepting the professional advice offered even though it's hard.
Elaine is extremely honest about the tell tale signs she could have picked up on earlier, but in hindsight this is the case of many illnesses. The early warning signs appear yet sometimes they are far too easy to overlook or to put them down to something else, especially if the patient is trying to mask the illness to protect loved ones from the true reality. The actual acceptance can be just far too great for both patient and carer.
A tremendous loving tribute of her Mom's Dementia journey, sharing her insights to those who may be in a similar situation. Be ready for joy, happiness, sadness, loss and shock in this wonderful read.
June 2, 2014
A Human Portrayal of Dementia
Originally I had an interest in reviewing I Will Never Forget because I had remembered family members suggesting that my grandmother had dementia before she passed a few years later.Within my own family, we also take any opportunity to tease my mother about having the beginning stages, because of her frequent memory loss. While I never really experienced dementia with my grandmother, to the degree that the author did with her mother, I have an all new respect for people that are afflicted with the struggles of dementia.
Reading Elaine's portrayal was heart wrenching at times, but the author did a fabulous job of expressing her emotions, so that as a reader, you feel like you are there with her through the laughs or the tears. What I didn't expect was being able to relate to so much. My son was severely handicapped and I was his primary care giver. I could relate to some of Elaine's struggles. However, this pulled extra hard at my heart strings because of his recent passing. I felt this instant bond with the author and as I read her touching story it only enhanced her testimonies. I also think that it is amazing that she donates a portion of her proceeds to further research.
So just think, when you purchase this touching tale by Elaine C. Pereira, you are contributing to a great cause! I also think this is a great read for anyone that has had to cope through having family members suffer through diseases like Alzheimer or Dementia, it can help them to relate and gain a better understanding. I know as a full-time care giver, sometimes I felt so alone. But, reading I Will Never Forget helps you to know that you are not alone, there are a lot of people going through similar challenges and experiences.
Originally I had an interest in reviewing I Will Never Forget because I had remembered family members suggesting that my grandmother had dementia before she passed a few years later.Within my own family, we also take any opportunity to tease my mother about having the beginning stages, because of her frequent memory loss. While I never really experienced dementia with my grandmother, to the degree that the author did with her mother, I have an all new respect for people that are afflicted with the struggles of dementia.
Reading Elaine's portrayal was heart wrenching at times, but the author did a fabulous job of expressing her emotions, so that as a reader, you feel like you are there with her through the laughs or the tears. What I didn't expect was being able to relate to so much. My son was severely handicapped and I was his primary care giver. I could relate to some of Elaine's struggles. However, this pulled extra hard at my heart strings because of his recent passing. I felt this instant bond with the author and as I read her touching story it only enhanced her testimonies. I also think that it is amazing that she donates a portion of her proceeds to further research.
So just think, when you purchase this touching tale by Elaine C. Pereira, you are contributing to a great cause! I also think this is a great read for anyone that has had to cope through having family members suffer through diseases like Alzheimer or Dementia, it can help them to relate and gain a better understanding. I know as a full-time care giver, sometimes I felt so alone. But, reading I Will Never Forget helps you to know that you are not alone, there are a lot of people going through similar challenges and experiences.
February 8, 2013
Dementia Victimizes Family Members As Well As Its Victims
Author Elaine Pereira is entirely correct – there are some things we will never forget as special sets of circumstances will remain with us forever.
For Pereira, those memories etched in memory, relate to caring for her mother as she is ravaged by the effects of dementia. Those permanent memories are shared in her book, "I Will Never Forget: A Daughter’s Story of Her Mother’s Arduous and Humorous Journey through Dementia".
There are several humorous incidents shared in I Will Never Forget, but there are also many moving and poignant accounts of the
painstaking role of being a caretaker for your mother who increasingly forgets who your area. Those who have undertaken the role of caretaker for an aging loved one knows how emotional draining that experience is as well as being rewarding once in a while. But in the end, which always comes, there is no regret.
In I Will Never Forget, Elaine Pereira gives a lot of very helpful advice based on lessons she learned while caring for her mother. And so the book becomes therapeutic, instructional, and informational as well as being a highly moving personal account of how dementia corrals victims like a rancher corrals horses.
Even if you have not undertaken the care of a loved one with dementia or Alzheimer’s, chances are great you will if you outlive your parents, siblings, relatives or close friends. Between then and now would be an opportune time to read I Will Never Forget. I recommend you do.
Author Elaine Pereira is entirely correct – there are some things we will never forget as special sets of circumstances will remain with us forever.
For Pereira, those memories etched in memory, relate to caring for her mother as she is ravaged by the effects of dementia. Those permanent memories are shared in her book, "I Will Never Forget: A Daughter’s Story of Her Mother’s Arduous and Humorous Journey through Dementia".
There are several humorous incidents shared in I Will Never Forget, but there are also many moving and poignant accounts of the
painstaking role of being a caretaker for your mother who increasingly forgets who your area. Those who have undertaken the role of caretaker for an aging loved one knows how emotional draining that experience is as well as being rewarding once in a while. But in the end, which always comes, there is no regret.
In I Will Never Forget, Elaine Pereira gives a lot of very helpful advice based on lessons she learned while caring for her mother. And so the book becomes therapeutic, instructional, and informational as well as being a highly moving personal account of how dementia corrals victims like a rancher corrals horses.
Even if you have not undertaken the care of a loved one with dementia or Alzheimer’s, chances are great you will if you outlive your parents, siblings, relatives or close friends. Between then and now would be an opportune time to read I Will Never Forget. I recommend you do.
March 16, 2014
I Will Never Forget is Elaine Pereira’s beautiful yet heart-wrenching tribute to her mother. Never before have I read a memoir, and I was impressed with the light manner in which this story was written. Infused with humour, the author makes the most out of a difficult situation, making her book enjoyable to read despite the heartbreaking tale she tells. Keep a box of tissues handy – you’ll need them! I teared up many times while reading the author’s touching words, and was bawling when I read the final one. The poem written by the author, found at the end of the book, warmed my heart. It was lovely!
Through the author, the reader gets to know her family, and is able to identify with them as memories are related and glimpses into the author’s personal struggles are revealed. The style in which this book is written provides pieces of the puzzle that many sufferers of dementia face, and the reader can both commiserate with and find compassion for Elaine, the author, a feisty, spunky woman who truly did all she could for her wonderful mother while she was alive. I’m sure Betty (Elaine’s mom) looking down from heaven on her only daughter with great pride and a smile on her face. I would be, if I were her!
I highly recommend this book. I Will Never Forget will touch you in ways you cannot imagine or fathom. You will definitely not regret reading it. Besides, shedding a few (or more) tears is always good for the soul.
Through the author, the reader gets to know her family, and is able to identify with them as memories are related and glimpses into the author’s personal struggles are revealed. The style in which this book is written provides pieces of the puzzle that many sufferers of dementia face, and the reader can both commiserate with and find compassion for Elaine, the author, a feisty, spunky woman who truly did all she could for her wonderful mother while she was alive. I’m sure Betty (Elaine’s mom) looking down from heaven on her only daughter with great pride and a smile on her face. I would be, if I were her!
I highly recommend this book. I Will Never Forget will touch you in ways you cannot imagine or fathom. You will definitely not regret reading it. Besides, shedding a few (or more) tears is always good for the soul.
May 10, 2014
Elaine writes with loving compassion and gently pulls the reader into her world as she travels the derailed path of her mother's life coping with dementia.
It is a journey fraught with confusion, fear, and unexpected ordeals...but more strongly, the unwavering love for her mother.
Her writing is clear and crisp. She draws the reader into her story and the pace is just right. It is easy to feel like you know the whole family quite well as Ms. Pereira opens new doors and explores and explains some of the signs and symptoms of this mind robbing disease.
At one point she asks the doctor...."Do you think my mom has Alzheimer's?"
"That's a very good question" Dr. Tashka relied. "An MRI would yield helpful diagnostic information, but we can't do one because of your mom's
cochlear implant. She does have dementia, but I don't think she has Alzheimer's."
She is quite good at learning how to handle the mood swings and often bizarre thinking of her mom's brain as it travels this highway of cognitive potholes.
The moments of mental clarity are wonderful gifts that break up the confusion and give the story an uplifting draft that keeps the book
from becoming depressing or maudlin.
Inside her mother, there is still the warm, caring, and witty woman who nurtured her...but now it is her turn
to be the nurturer.
And she does a fabulous job in capturing what is happening with simple clarity and the tenderness of a loving daughter!
It is a journey fraught with confusion, fear, and unexpected ordeals...but more strongly, the unwavering love for her mother.
Her writing is clear and crisp. She draws the reader into her story and the pace is just right. It is easy to feel like you know the whole family quite well as Ms. Pereira opens new doors and explores and explains some of the signs and symptoms of this mind robbing disease.
At one point she asks the doctor...."Do you think my mom has Alzheimer's?"
"That's a very good question" Dr. Tashka relied. "An MRI would yield helpful diagnostic information, but we can't do one because of your mom's
cochlear implant. She does have dementia, but I don't think she has Alzheimer's."
She is quite good at learning how to handle the mood swings and often bizarre thinking of her mom's brain as it travels this highway of cognitive potholes.
The moments of mental clarity are wonderful gifts that break up the confusion and give the story an uplifting draft that keeps the book
from becoming depressing or maudlin.
Inside her mother, there is still the warm, caring, and witty woman who nurtured her...but now it is her turn
to be the nurturer.
And she does a fabulous job in capturing what is happening with simple clarity and the tenderness of a loving daughter!
January 13, 2013
“I Will Never Forget” is the true story of an aging woman with dementia, as told by her daughter.
Betty Ward was a strong woman. During her lifetime, she buried her infant son, her husband and her other son. Now her time was coming. Her daughter, Elaine, wrote this story very well. It is very difficult watching someone you love have their memory erased slowly. Luckily for Elaine, she had the wonderful support of her husband and family.
Some of her chapters start with Betty as a child, then the same type of situation, but later on in life. Other chapters are pieces of childhood memories as told by some of Betty’s friends. Everyone loved Betty, and she had a great network of doctors and professionals who cared for her and wanted the best treatment for her.
As someone who also had a family member with dementia, it can be very frustrating at times. You feel you are constantly repeating the same things over and over. You tend to ignore the early warning signs, even though others are giving you glimpses of what is happening when you are not around. You chalk things up to stress, aging and other factors of life.
Written through the eyes of her daughter, it is one person’s journey through the good times and the bad. Hopefully you will find some humor along the difficult path, and know that you are not alone, others have gone through this terrible disease of the mind.
Betty Ward was a strong woman. During her lifetime, she buried her infant son, her husband and her other son. Now her time was coming. Her daughter, Elaine, wrote this story very well. It is very difficult watching someone you love have their memory erased slowly. Luckily for Elaine, she had the wonderful support of her husband and family.
Some of her chapters start with Betty as a child, then the same type of situation, but later on in life. Other chapters are pieces of childhood memories as told by some of Betty’s friends. Everyone loved Betty, and she had a great network of doctors and professionals who cared for her and wanted the best treatment for her.
As someone who also had a family member with dementia, it can be very frustrating at times. You feel you are constantly repeating the same things over and over. You tend to ignore the early warning signs, even though others are giving you glimpses of what is happening when you are not around. You chalk things up to stress, aging and other factors of life.
Written through the eyes of her daughter, it is one person’s journey through the good times and the bad. Hopefully you will find some humor along the difficult path, and know that you are not alone, others have gone through this terrible disease of the mind.
January 24, 2013
Reading this book felt like listening to the memories of your friend. In this intense memoir, the author, Elaine, shares with you about her deceased mother. Her matter-of-fact way of writing is the main advantage to the novel. You do not exaggerate to your friend, when you speak about the memories of your mother, right?
This is a memoir from Elaine about her mother, Betty, who suffered with dementia. Elaine's memories go back and forth, when she describes her kind and energetic mother. She brings out the memories where her independent and strong mother turned her daughter into a proper resourceful woman to the society. The way how Betty handled Elaine, who checks her every Christmas present be treating the gift to various environment, is one best example. When Elaine takes the role of taking care of her mother, things were different.
I am really surprised that Elaine can bring so much of her memories about her mother in such great detail. The writing is casual and friendly. I am not sure how many are capable of narrating this type of loss in a sweet, heartfelt, humorous (I am really surprised and impressed) way.
This memoir will be a tribute to her mother!
Note: I am not going to rate such real-life novels, but I guess Amazon needs some rating. So, 4.5 STARS!
This is a memoir from Elaine about her mother, Betty, who suffered with dementia. Elaine's memories go back and forth, when she describes her kind and energetic mother. She brings out the memories where her independent and strong mother turned her daughter into a proper resourceful woman to the society. The way how Betty handled Elaine, who checks her every Christmas present be treating the gift to various environment, is one best example. When Elaine takes the role of taking care of her mother, things were different.
I am really surprised that Elaine can bring so much of her memories about her mother in such great detail. The writing is casual and friendly. I am not sure how many are capable of narrating this type of loss in a sweet, heartfelt, humorous (I am really surprised and impressed) way.
This memoir will be a tribute to her mother!
Note: I am not going to rate such real-life novels, but I guess Amazon needs some rating. So, 4.5 STARS!
May 26, 2014
This book is touching, honest, hilarious and tear-jerking all at the same time.
As someone who has worked on an EMI unit for elderly patients with mental illness I have experienced a lot of what Elaine describes, what I've never experienced however, are the emotions that she goes through in sharing her mother's journey and oh my goodness she carries you along with her.
Elaine's writing style is beautiful without being over the top or condescending, she paints pictures with her words and you feel as though you are in the room with her. By the end of this book I felt honoured to have shared in such a personal and such an emotional journey. I felt like I knew her and wanted to give her a great big hug and tell her how sorry I was for everything that had happened.
If you have any experience of caring for someone with dementia you must read this book! It will change the way you see your patients and their relatives.
This book made me laugh and it made me cry but more than anything it made me think and that is the sign of a powerful book.
As someone who has worked on an EMI unit for elderly patients with mental illness I have experienced a lot of what Elaine describes, what I've never experienced however, are the emotions that she goes through in sharing her mother's journey and oh my goodness she carries you along with her.
Elaine's writing style is beautiful without being over the top or condescending, she paints pictures with her words and you feel as though you are in the room with her. By the end of this book I felt honoured to have shared in such a personal and such an emotional journey. I felt like I knew her and wanted to give her a great big hug and tell her how sorry I was for everything that had happened.
If you have any experience of caring for someone with dementia you must read this book! It will change the way you see your patients and their relatives.
This book made me laugh and it made me cry but more than anything it made me think and that is the sign of a powerful book.
March 26, 2014
This is a memoir of a woman whose mother suffered from dementia. Elaine honestly recalls her mother's downward spiral and the emotions that she experienced from her initial denial of exactly how bad her mother was to how this affected her and her family. This is a difficult situation to deal with and it was a blessing that Elaine's mother had the financial wherewithal to pay for a nice facility. I do wonder how those without money face the same situation.
The book gives you an inside look at how dementia affects a person. It is written with honesty, humor, and love.
The book gives you an inside look at how dementia affects a person. It is written with honesty, humor, and love.
January 11, 2014
I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway. I wanted to read this as our family has experienced the devastation of Alzheimer's/ dementia. Elaine Periera's account of her mother's disease process is spot on! I could see everything her mother experienced in the life of our loved ones. Reading the book was like talking to a friend who understood and felt your pain. I recommend her book highly.
April 7, 2013
I WILL NEVER FORGET:
Elaine C. Pereira
How do you watch someone you love change from a vibrant woman to a shell of what she once was? How do you deal with a disease that knows no boundaries, has no limits on its course of destruction and what do you do to remember the person you loved as they once were? I Will Never Forget takes the reader into the life of author Elaine Pereira as she tells us about her mother, Elizabeth Ward, he struggle with dementia, her memories of her childhood and her final moments. As you hear the voice of the author bringing into the present as the diagnosis is presented and the events are about to play out she takes readers back to where it all began to the day her mother was born, the friends she met, the life she lived and shares her childhood with us as we not only get to know Betty Ward but Elaine too.
Take a candle and light it and watch the flame go out. It takes a while before all of the candle wax disappears. Now, imagine what happens to a person diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Watching my mom slowly decline and knowing that her brain was no longer able to process all the information she was did reminded me of a candle that lost its flame. Elaine Pereira shares the story of her mom, Betty with readers by taking us back to her childhood, allowing readers to get to know her mom through the cute, humorous and special stories that she shares. I love the one about the turkey gravy and how her brother told on her mother that it was not chicken gravy. Elaine is a picky eater and her food choices often gave her mother much pause for thought. A summer vacation in New York really stands out with the author, spending time with her mom but especially buying that special dress that she tells us about in the chapter titled Shopping Sleuths. Dealing with the diagnosis was not easy and when the head of the assisted living where her mom was living called to tell her that she might need more care or a more restricted environment Elaine became more than just concerned.
Speaking with her own doctor she was able to get his point of view and speaking with her husband another perspective. The hardest thing to hear is that your mom or dad is rapidly declining and having psychotic episodes, which I know from my mom, are not uncommon. Judy Savoy was Elaine’s contact at Friendship Village as the author relates her first encounter with her explaining that her mom wanted to find a pair of brown pants that she reported missing. Realizing that something was wrong and Judy alerting her to the fact that the pants were indeed in her mom’s closet, Elaine would soon learn that this would be more like the norm and not the out of the ordinary. Stating that her mom was beginning to act paranoid and turning hostile. These unfortunately are common behaviors that caregivers like myself and my mom’s homecare aids had to deal with on a daily basis. Going on short vacation Elaine stated upon her return she would look into this even more. But, when she returned and questioned her mom she began to rethink what she was told, heard her mother’s responses and had to decide what to do.
Elaine shares her stories and funny recollections from the 50’s and 60’s, which includes her mother’s obsession with saving things, which I find really interesting. Reusing Aluminum foil, washing and flattening and refolding it would be something my Aunt Lily would have done. Recycling efforts, bathroom issues and much more will bring smiles to the reader’s face. Money Laundering is not what you think you just have to read it for yourself. The checkbook incident brings to light just why her mother could not handle her own finances and Elaine needed to deal with them. Announcing that she was going to stop driving was a good thing. Realizing that she should not be behind the wheel getting lost going to the dentist let’s the reader know that Betty was not so naïve as to think that she was okay. She seemed to realize that something was wrong and that changes were happening but did not know why. Being independent, like my mom, this was a harsh realization and depending on others difficult. But, that was just the beginning and her mom had spunk and drive and you can probably guess the rest. She made sure, at least she thought she did that the insurance was paid but had no idea how many checks she wrote. Chapter 13 is enlightening as Elaine learns more harsh realities. Imagine having to learn how to use a new word processor and then dealing with her hearing problems in 2005 way before her dementia really presented itself. In 2010 on May 12 Elaine received a call from one of the nurses at Friendship Village stating her mother claimed her processor was missing. Elaine said she would order another one but was it really missing? How would she be able to hear if the entire device was missing? This was just the beginning of what turned out to be difficult situation when the processor’s delivery was delayed and the entire incident took its toll on Elaine. Each incident brings her closer to the final realization that this disease forges ahead on its own and like a car whose brakes are shot or a race horse hoping to get to the finish line, Alzheimer’s runs it own course and you cannot stop it no matter how hard you try.
Caregivers often forget about their own care and devote themselves completely and wholeheartedly to caring for their parent, sibling or child with this illness. Undertaking this role requires time, energy, resources and determination to make sure that the person who can no longer care for themselves is safe, has proper supervision and care.
As Elaine shares the fact that her mother had pulmonary emboli and had to be placed on Coumadin that brought back some memories too and Namenda and Aricept, although they did not restore my mom’s memory she took both for ten years. Next, we revert to 2006-2009 and we meet her childhood friend Margene and learn more about their friendship which enlightens the reader into the gravity of Betty’s illness losing her way to her friend’s house and the monthly lunches ended when Betty could no longer drive. Losing her father in 2004 brought her closer to her mother and her father’s final thoughts and wishes were both honored and revealed. This book is a must read for anyone whose parent; grandparent or family member has Alzheimer’s. Remembering the person as they once were does not make the truth disappear but it reminds you that this person is still there, in your heart and that although their thought processes are hampered and slowly disappearing they are still really at least physically there. No matter what happened to my mom and no matter how little she remembered at times she always knew her name, who I was and much more than better gave her credit for. I have to attribute that to the way her home health aides dealt with her needs and spoke to her as if she understood. Losing her brother another tragedy and her mother’s words: I am a Survivor through it all brings tears to your eyes and endears you to this amazing woman.
The hardest decision was realizing that she had to move her mother to a more restricted environment and hoping to work with the new staff a challenge but one definitely worth the effort. Not wanting to face the inevitable you often have to when the reality of the situation sets in and the assessment of others is valid. March and April of 2010 would change things including her perspective of her mom. Projects that she would have done easily would need more supervision. But, keeping the person’s mind active a definite plus. A simple painting project would turn into a nightmare and vacation plans were often interrupted. The caregiver in many cases as I know for a fact loses sleep, gets phone calls at all hours of the night and really needs a strong constitution and positive outlook on life.
The most difficult time is when you realize that there is nothing that can be done to restore the person to who he/she once was. The drape incident, the painting project and many more stories that Elaine shares will not only bring tears to your eyes but will help readers understand the gravity of this illness and why we need more research to find not only a cure but the real cause or causes of this horrific illness. Labeling things for her mother, relating the many incidents where her mom was both disoriented and confused the author allows readers to really understand and get inside the mind of someone with dementia.
The next step was moving her mom to a more restricted environment in 2010. Hunter Place was where she decided to look and then the author shares a book that is invaluable to anyone dealing with this illness: “A Family Guide to Caring for Persons with Alzheimer’s Disease, Related Dementing Illnesses and Memory Loss in Later Life. The rest of the journey I am going to leave for the reader in order for you to take it along with Elaine, her husband Joe, their family, friends and of course Betty. Throughout 2010 until the day she passed in 2011 her health declined and Betty leaves us with a precious poem titled: I Will Never Forget. Read it and hear her words. She died July 8, 2011, which is the same day I lost my sister.
This is a special book that I will always hold dear and a special author that shared her mother’s story, love, funny incidents and words with readers.
Elaine C. Pereira
How do you watch someone you love change from a vibrant woman to a shell of what she once was? How do you deal with a disease that knows no boundaries, has no limits on its course of destruction and what do you do to remember the person you loved as they once were? I Will Never Forget takes the reader into the life of author Elaine Pereira as she tells us about her mother, Elizabeth Ward, he struggle with dementia, her memories of her childhood and her final moments. As you hear the voice of the author bringing into the present as the diagnosis is presented and the events are about to play out she takes readers back to where it all began to the day her mother was born, the friends she met, the life she lived and shares her childhood with us as we not only get to know Betty Ward but Elaine too.
Take a candle and light it and watch the flame go out. It takes a while before all of the candle wax disappears. Now, imagine what happens to a person diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Watching my mom slowly decline and knowing that her brain was no longer able to process all the information she was did reminded me of a candle that lost its flame. Elaine Pereira shares the story of her mom, Betty with readers by taking us back to her childhood, allowing readers to get to know her mom through the cute, humorous and special stories that she shares. I love the one about the turkey gravy and how her brother told on her mother that it was not chicken gravy. Elaine is a picky eater and her food choices often gave her mother much pause for thought. A summer vacation in New York really stands out with the author, spending time with her mom but especially buying that special dress that she tells us about in the chapter titled Shopping Sleuths. Dealing with the diagnosis was not easy and when the head of the assisted living where her mom was living called to tell her that she might need more care or a more restricted environment Elaine became more than just concerned.
Speaking with her own doctor she was able to get his point of view and speaking with her husband another perspective. The hardest thing to hear is that your mom or dad is rapidly declining and having psychotic episodes, which I know from my mom, are not uncommon. Judy Savoy was Elaine’s contact at Friendship Village as the author relates her first encounter with her explaining that her mom wanted to find a pair of brown pants that she reported missing. Realizing that something was wrong and Judy alerting her to the fact that the pants were indeed in her mom’s closet, Elaine would soon learn that this would be more like the norm and not the out of the ordinary. Stating that her mom was beginning to act paranoid and turning hostile. These unfortunately are common behaviors that caregivers like myself and my mom’s homecare aids had to deal with on a daily basis. Going on short vacation Elaine stated upon her return she would look into this even more. But, when she returned and questioned her mom she began to rethink what she was told, heard her mother’s responses and had to decide what to do.
Elaine shares her stories and funny recollections from the 50’s and 60’s, which includes her mother’s obsession with saving things, which I find really interesting. Reusing Aluminum foil, washing and flattening and refolding it would be something my Aunt Lily would have done. Recycling efforts, bathroom issues and much more will bring smiles to the reader’s face. Money Laundering is not what you think you just have to read it for yourself. The checkbook incident brings to light just why her mother could not handle her own finances and Elaine needed to deal with them. Announcing that she was going to stop driving was a good thing. Realizing that she should not be behind the wheel getting lost going to the dentist let’s the reader know that Betty was not so naïve as to think that she was okay. She seemed to realize that something was wrong and that changes were happening but did not know why. Being independent, like my mom, this was a harsh realization and depending on others difficult. But, that was just the beginning and her mom had spunk and drive and you can probably guess the rest. She made sure, at least she thought she did that the insurance was paid but had no idea how many checks she wrote. Chapter 13 is enlightening as Elaine learns more harsh realities. Imagine having to learn how to use a new word processor and then dealing with her hearing problems in 2005 way before her dementia really presented itself. In 2010 on May 12 Elaine received a call from one of the nurses at Friendship Village stating her mother claimed her processor was missing. Elaine said she would order another one but was it really missing? How would she be able to hear if the entire device was missing? This was just the beginning of what turned out to be difficult situation when the processor’s delivery was delayed and the entire incident took its toll on Elaine. Each incident brings her closer to the final realization that this disease forges ahead on its own and like a car whose brakes are shot or a race horse hoping to get to the finish line, Alzheimer’s runs it own course and you cannot stop it no matter how hard you try.
Caregivers often forget about their own care and devote themselves completely and wholeheartedly to caring for their parent, sibling or child with this illness. Undertaking this role requires time, energy, resources and determination to make sure that the person who can no longer care for themselves is safe, has proper supervision and care.
As Elaine shares the fact that her mother had pulmonary emboli and had to be placed on Coumadin that brought back some memories too and Namenda and Aricept, although they did not restore my mom’s memory she took both for ten years. Next, we revert to 2006-2009 and we meet her childhood friend Margene and learn more about their friendship which enlightens the reader into the gravity of Betty’s illness losing her way to her friend’s house and the monthly lunches ended when Betty could no longer drive. Losing her father in 2004 brought her closer to her mother and her father’s final thoughts and wishes were both honored and revealed. This book is a must read for anyone whose parent; grandparent or family member has Alzheimer’s. Remembering the person as they once were does not make the truth disappear but it reminds you that this person is still there, in your heart and that although their thought processes are hampered and slowly disappearing they are still really at least physically there. No matter what happened to my mom and no matter how little she remembered at times she always knew her name, who I was and much more than better gave her credit for. I have to attribute that to the way her home health aides dealt with her needs and spoke to her as if she understood. Losing her brother another tragedy and her mother’s words: I am a Survivor through it all brings tears to your eyes and endears you to this amazing woman.
The hardest decision was realizing that she had to move her mother to a more restricted environment and hoping to work with the new staff a challenge but one definitely worth the effort. Not wanting to face the inevitable you often have to when the reality of the situation sets in and the assessment of others is valid. March and April of 2010 would change things including her perspective of her mom. Projects that she would have done easily would need more supervision. But, keeping the person’s mind active a definite plus. A simple painting project would turn into a nightmare and vacation plans were often interrupted. The caregiver in many cases as I know for a fact loses sleep, gets phone calls at all hours of the night and really needs a strong constitution and positive outlook on life.
The most difficult time is when you realize that there is nothing that can be done to restore the person to who he/she once was. The drape incident, the painting project and many more stories that Elaine shares will not only bring tears to your eyes but will help readers understand the gravity of this illness and why we need more research to find not only a cure but the real cause or causes of this horrific illness. Labeling things for her mother, relating the many incidents where her mom was both disoriented and confused the author allows readers to really understand and get inside the mind of someone with dementia.
The next step was moving her mom to a more restricted environment in 2010. Hunter Place was where she decided to look and then the author shares a book that is invaluable to anyone dealing with this illness: “A Family Guide to Caring for Persons with Alzheimer’s Disease, Related Dementing Illnesses and Memory Loss in Later Life. The rest of the journey I am going to leave for the reader in order for you to take it along with Elaine, her husband Joe, their family, friends and of course Betty. Throughout 2010 until the day she passed in 2011 her health declined and Betty leaves us with a precious poem titled: I Will Never Forget. Read it and hear her words. She died July 8, 2011, which is the same day I lost my sister.
This is a special book that I will always hold dear and a special author that shared her mother’s story, love, funny incidents and words with readers.
November 18, 2017
I received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
What I will never forget by Elaine C. Pereira is an autobiographical book that describes with realistic tone the author’s experiences dealing with her mother’s Dementia.
It is a handy book for people who have members of their family suffering from this illness. It will help them better understand the nature of the condition and also prepare them for what is going to happen in the future.
The first chapters of the book is an alternation between the author’s past and future and the episodes are revolving around events that the author shared with her mother.
I liked that approach it is brilliant, by showing how her mother was in the past, a vibrant and dynamic woman, teaching mathematics and also how she ended up after the dementia kick in the writer made I even clearer of how the disease works.
I smiled when the author found the little bunny out in her yard and cried when her brother died of cancer. There were a plethora of emotions alternating all the time like life is anyway.
I felt towards the end a small sense of quit by the author for not detecting that her mother had dementia earlier. Considering all the factors, where her mother was living the frequency of the visits and other aspects, in my opinion, she detected it rather quick.
I think the author managed, despite the fact that it was her mother, to write an objective book that in my opinion is a textbook on how to spot people that suffering from dementia. Furthermore, the actions they need to do to help their friend or family member to live the remainder of their life’s in a quality status.
Overall a very informative book with humor and a range of other emotions and sensations that will keep you reading until you reach the end.
Highly Recommended.
What I will never forget by Elaine C. Pereira is an autobiographical book that describes with realistic tone the author’s experiences dealing with her mother’s Dementia.
It is a handy book for people who have members of their family suffering from this illness. It will help them better understand the nature of the condition and also prepare them for what is going to happen in the future.
The first chapters of the book is an alternation between the author’s past and future and the episodes are revolving around events that the author shared with her mother.
I liked that approach it is brilliant, by showing how her mother was in the past, a vibrant and dynamic woman, teaching mathematics and also how she ended up after the dementia kick in the writer made I even clearer of how the disease works.
I smiled when the author found the little bunny out in her yard and cried when her brother died of cancer. There were a plethora of emotions alternating all the time like life is anyway.
I felt towards the end a small sense of quit by the author for not detecting that her mother had dementia earlier. Considering all the factors, where her mother was living the frequency of the visits and other aspects, in my opinion, she detected it rather quick.
I think the author managed, despite the fact that it was her mother, to write an objective book that in my opinion is a textbook on how to spot people that suffering from dementia. Furthermore, the actions they need to do to help their friend or family member to live the remainder of their life’s in a quality status.
Overall a very informative book with humor and a range of other emotions and sensations that will keep you reading until you reach the end.
Highly Recommended.
June 14, 2017
First of all, I must take my hat off to Elaine C. Pereira, she genuinely and wholeheartedly gives her all as she so urgently wants people to understand the journey of watching a loved one suffer with Alzheimer. This book is a must read for everyone because it can happen or is happening to us or someone we love. Elaine literally walks us through the journey of the impact it had on her and her mother's lives. You will actually feel as though you are a good friend or family member sharing the experience. I really appreciated the book because it lets you know past traumas could very well be the catalyst for Alzheimer which is something I did not know until I read "I Will Never Forget", it made much sense to me. In some ways a need to forget the past can actually happen. For sure this book was well written and promises to hold your interest from page to page. Thanks, Elaine for writing this book
April 4, 2018
This is a topic that interests me, as i was a full-time carer to my late mother from the onset of Dementia (Alzheimer's) to the day she passed away.
This was an interesting book and i could relate to all what was written. Just like Betty, my mother had a wonderful life until the day we realised that things were not right. I wouldn't put my mother in a nursing home, but then again, I had good support from my sister who was a Social Worker and from my husband. As difficult as it was, we are left with some wonderful memories. We try and blot out the bad, such as the aggressive behaviour. Or the stench that came from her rotting skin, which district nurses tried hard to keep under control. Sadly my mother-in-law is now showing signs of Dementia.
This is a must read and one that i do highly recommend.
My thanks to Netgalley and the Publishers. This is my honest review.
This was an interesting book and i could relate to all what was written. Just like Betty, my mother had a wonderful life until the day we realised that things were not right. I wouldn't put my mother in a nursing home, but then again, I had good support from my sister who was a Social Worker and from my husband. As difficult as it was, we are left with some wonderful memories. We try and blot out the bad, such as the aggressive behaviour. Or the stench that came from her rotting skin, which district nurses tried hard to keep under control. Sadly my mother-in-law is now showing signs of Dementia.
This is a must read and one that i do highly recommend.
My thanks to Netgalley and the Publishers. This is my honest review.
February 13, 2025
I was drawn to this book because of my journey with my parents who were both diagnosed with dementia. Ms. Pereira started the book describing her early childhood and family background which I enjoyed because you were able to feel the love, humor and devotion that was the cornerstone of her family. There is no linear path for dementia and I remembered so many tears and sleepless nights wondering if I was making the right decisions for my parents' care.
Our journeys were similar...finding the right facilities, quality of staff who were their daily caretakers, illness and deterioration in their disease. I was fortunate that my dad, who was a banker had made sure that they had Wills and Trusts prepared, plus Long-Term Care Insurance.
Our journeys were similar...finding the right facilities, quality of staff who were their daily caretakers, illness and deterioration in their disease. I was fortunate that my dad, who was a banker had made sure that they had Wills and Trusts prepared, plus Long-Term Care Insurance.
October 24, 2018
A story that will pull at your heart-strings as the daughter struggles with her mother's dementia. Coming to grips with her mother's changes, finding the best and safest care, and yet continuing on with her own life were well described. I would have liked more in depth information from how the author herself as to how she was feeling. There were glimpses of it only. A must read for anyone dealing with those suffering from dementia.
May 14, 2021
A book about love, selflessness, and perseverance!
I Will Never Forget is a raw, heartfelt, humorous, and inspiring story about a loved one's life with dementia. I felt Elaine Pereira's journey while she cared for her mother, her struggles, and the little magical moments in all relationships. This book made me laugh and cry. And the unconditional love between a mother and a daughter was palpable. I could not put the book down!
I Will Never Forget is a raw, heartfelt, humorous, and inspiring story about a loved one's life with dementia. I felt Elaine Pereira's journey while she cared for her mother, her struggles, and the little magical moments in all relationships. This book made me laugh and cry. And the unconditional love between a mother and a daughter was palpable. I could not put the book down!
September 1, 2018
A detailed, personal, and heartfelt account of the agonizing experience of losing one’s parent to Dementia. A beautiful rendering of a very difficult subject with earnestness and humor in equal and respectful parts.
September 14, 2020
A beautiful, tragic, funny, and touching story told in snapshots from the past and present as a daughter details life with her mother's dementia. Compelling from start to finish, it feels fresh and real and honest, truly capturing how dementia creeps into a life and slowly takes over.
July 22, 2017
Wonderful-just went through this a year ago with my parents
Wonderful- just went through this last year with both parents so I know what she was going through - hits it right on
Wonderful- just went through this last year with both parents so I know what she was going through - hits it right on
May 1, 2019
Good book
I enjoyed this book. It had a lot of happy and sad things happen it it. I could feel the pain they were going through with them
I enjoyed this book. It had a lot of happy and sad things happen it it. I could feel the pain they were going through with them
July 30, 2021
A very good book to read if you are walking this journey with your parent!
January 12, 2024
Very touching and brought back a flood of memories of my Mamaw McGaugh.
March 11, 2017
In I Will Never Forget, the author recounts memories from her childhood. when she was looking up to her mom and learning from her. Side by side with this tribute is the more recent story, told with painful, complete honesty, of her mother’s decline into forgetfulness. “Mom put the card down and stared at her checkbook, poring over it as if she was hoping for some inspiration and direction on what to do next.”
The two modes of writing—the past and the present—create a painful yet striking contrast, one that remained with me long after I closed the book. I cannot imagine what it took, in personal terms, to bring out these intensely intimate moments and share them with the reader. What an honest look at the ravages of dementia as it robs a loved one of who she is.
Anticipating the future is, perhaps, the most heartbreaking. “I was getting better at diffusing strange remarks to avoid confrontations or disrespect her in any way. It worked this time, but I had no idea how often I would be put to the test in the upcoming months.”
Highly recommended. Five stars.
This book was sent to me gratis for an unbiased review.
The two modes of writing—the past and the present—create a painful yet striking contrast, one that remained with me long after I closed the book. I cannot imagine what it took, in personal terms, to bring out these intensely intimate moments and share them with the reader. What an honest look at the ravages of dementia as it robs a loved one of who she is.
Anticipating the future is, perhaps, the most heartbreaking. “I was getting better at diffusing strange remarks to avoid confrontations or disrespect her in any way. It worked this time, but I had no idea how often I would be put to the test in the upcoming months.”
Highly recommended. Five stars.
This book was sent to me gratis for an unbiased review.
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