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Pandora's Planet
"If you can't lick 'em, join 'em," is an old rule of politics and warfare. So when the various armies of Earth, divided as they were between suspicious nations, were unable to lick the single-minded invading Centrans who ruled a complacent galactic empire — they surrendered and decided to give their leonine conquerors everything humans could wholeheartedly grant.
So they exported installment payments, loan sharks, communism, fascism, planned obsolescence, food fads, religious cults, and all the other delights we are so accustomed to on our home world.
Out there among the orderly stars all these goodies were received with gaping jaws and open arms — until the Terrestrial tail was very soon wagging the Centran lion — and the military might of the conquerors faced the unprecedented problem of how to turn their glorious victory into a secure defeat if only their victims would let them!.
So they exported installment payments, loan sharks, communism, fascism, planned obsolescence, food fads, religious cults, and all the other delights we are so accustomed to on our home world.
Out there among the orderly stars all these goodies were received with gaping jaws and open arms — until the Terrestrial tail was very soon wagging the Centran lion — and the military might of the conquerors faced the unprecedented problem of how to turn their glorious victory into a secure defeat if only their victims would let them!.
192 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 1, 1972
2 people are currently reading
279 people want to read
About the author
Christopher Anvil
163 books31 followersChristopher Anvil was a pseudonym used by author Harry C. Crosby. He began publishing science fiction with the story "Cinderella, Inc." in the December 1952 issue of the science fiction magazine Imagination. By 1956, he had adopted his pseudonym and was being published in Astounding Magazine.
Anvil's repeated appearances in Astounding/Analog were due in part to his ability to write to one of Campbell's preferred plots: alien opponents with superior firepower losing out to the superior intelligence or indomitable will of humans. A second factor is his stories are nearly always humorous throughout. Another was his characterization and manner of story crafting, where his protagonists slid from disaster to disaster with the best of intentions, and through exercise of fast thinking, managed to snatch victory somehow from the jaws of defeat.
Anvil's repeated appearances in Astounding/Analog were due in part to his ability to write to one of Campbell's preferred plots: alien opponents with superior firepower losing out to the superior intelligence or indomitable will of humans. A second factor is his stories are nearly always humorous throughout. Another was his characterization and manner of story crafting, where his protagonists slid from disaster to disaster with the best of intentions, and through exercise of fast thinking, managed to snatch victory somehow from the jaws of defeat.
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
June 10, 2020
DAW Collectors #66
Cover Artist: Kelly Freas
Name: Crosby, Harry Christopher, Birthplace: Norwich, Connecticut, USA, (11 March 1925 - 30 November 2009).
Alternate Names Harry C. Crosby
Earth's putter space invaders are dumber (if also wiser) than the natives. To the leonine, lovably perplexed Centrans, Earth is Pandora's Planet: when they try to incorporate her into their ""Integral Union,"" they're bewildered by barbed wire and time payments, while earth fads and manias infect and divide their empire. Amusing, but its slow-minded Centran point of view will rapidly bore hyperactive earth-brains, and the barb at humanity is blunt and blatant.
I enjoyed this book.
Cover Artist: Kelly Freas
Name: Crosby, Harry Christopher, Birthplace: Norwich, Connecticut, USA, (11 March 1925 - 30 November 2009).
Alternate Names Harry C. Crosby
Earth's putter space invaders are dumber (if also wiser) than the natives. To the leonine, lovably perplexed Centrans, Earth is Pandora's Planet: when they try to incorporate her into their ""Integral Union,"" they're bewildered by barbed wire and time payments, while earth fads and manias infect and divide their empire. Amusing, but its slow-minded Centran point of view will rapidly bore hyperactive earth-brains, and the barb at humanity is blunt and blatant.
I enjoyed this book.
October 3, 2025
Pandora's Planet is an episodic satire with a Ransom of Red-Chief flavor. It's a very funny novel, though if you stop and think about the implications and ramifications it has a rather sad undercurrent. The aliens have taken over Earth and find that the Terrans aren't as technologically advanced but are far more sly and smart and crafty and devious... It's a very fun and clever Campbellian-Astounding/Analog type of story, in the tradition of James H. Schmitz or Eric Frank Russell. The first novelette was published in the September issue of Astounding in 1956, along with a Nicholas Van Rijn novelette by Poul Anderson, a Colonial Survey novelette by Murray Leinster, and short stories by Hal Clement, Robert Silverberg, and Isaac Asimov... wow, were those the days!? Pandora's Planet was chosen as the cover story, and Frank Kelly Freas provided the cover, just as he did for this DAW paperback debut in 1973. It's not my favorite Anvil (which was a pseudonym of Harry C. Crosby), but it's a fun read.
June 8, 2011
I first read this book more than 20 years ago- it was funny then and it's still funny now. A lot of books that reach for humor are hilarious in the first 10 pages then get old fast. It's hard to find one that stays consistently amusing (while sliding in some pretty thought provoking observations.)
In a nut shell- aliens have invaded the Earth and while they clearly won the war, they keep losing the cultural battles after the war and just can't seem to figure out why. Victory is supposed to be a lot easier than this, isn't it? The problem is they got to the stars through a slow steady climb. We couldn't get it together enough to make it to the stars, or even stop fighting with each other long enough to kick them off our world, but we have one thing they don't have- absolutely brilliant con men who can skim them out of their spaceships then go convert whole planets to follow their crazy philosophies or buy into their get rich quick schemes. Told from the viewpoint of the bewildered general who won the war, this is one hilarious romp through the essence of human nature as seen from the outside.
In a nut shell- aliens have invaded the Earth and while they clearly won the war, they keep losing the cultural battles after the war and just can't seem to figure out why. Victory is supposed to be a lot easier than this, isn't it? The problem is they got to the stars through a slow steady climb. We couldn't get it together enough to make it to the stars, or even stop fighting with each other long enough to kick them off our world, but we have one thing they don't have- absolutely brilliant con men who can skim them out of their spaceships then go convert whole planets to follow their crazy philosophies or buy into their get rich quick schemes. Told from the viewpoint of the bewildered general who won the war, this is one hilarious romp through the essence of human nature as seen from the outside.
November 16, 2021
The aliens have landed on Earth--and conquered. But that's only the beginning of their problems. Humans are insane, with all kinds of crazy ideas. How can they be controlled? And, more importantly,how can they be stopped from taking over the galaxy?
July 21, 2016
This small tale was quite good. Written in 70's this SF tale follows some elements typical of that time. Don't aspect overly SF elements to dictate your enjoyment. Expect humorous situations mix with some criticisms of mankind.
Basically this book deals with a invasion by a intergalactic force which defeats humankind because of differences between the communists and the usa and other countries. We follow our main character, Horsip, as he tries to cope with humankind.
The book is a criticism. Don't expect anything more. The differences between the cultures and how they deal with them.
"-When we have dealings with these Earthen, we get carried off a basket?
-Yes, Sir.
-How do they do it?
-When they get through talking, everything looks different.
-How do they accomplish that?
-I think they emphasize whatever favors their argument.
-They have a weakness. If they restricted themselves to truth, they would be strong. With this procedure they will take up false positions.
-Nevertheless, we have a serious problem. They have gulled our men into giving up valuables space ships in return for- let's see - fancy ground-cars, cabin cruisers, vacation trailers, sauna baths, the collected adventures of sherlock holmes, ariplanes, undeveloped real estate, a private ocean backyard swimming pool... "Roffins look up." This isn't very promising.
Mackling growled. - And all this is against regulations. Every one of these transactions is a capital offence."
It's quite interesting what the writer is trying to say to us. We are too different. Every conqueror - do the easy part - which is conquer the adversary. But difficult is to rule them. Most of the times the conquerors become conquered. Afghanistan and Iraq says something? There was always rebels. Winning is easy - staying in power is hard.
Since this book has only 192 pages my advice is - Go read it.
Basically this book deals with a invasion by a intergalactic force which defeats humankind because of differences between the communists and the usa and other countries. We follow our main character, Horsip, as he tries to cope with humankind.
The book is a criticism. Don't expect anything more. The differences between the cultures and how they deal with them.
"-When we have dealings with these Earthen, we get carried off a basket?
-Yes, Sir.
-How do they do it?
-When they get through talking, everything looks different.
-How do they accomplish that?
-I think they emphasize whatever favors their argument.
-They have a weakness. If they restricted themselves to truth, they would be strong. With this procedure they will take up false positions.
-Nevertheless, we have a serious problem. They have gulled our men into giving up valuables space ships in return for- let's see - fancy ground-cars, cabin cruisers, vacation trailers, sauna baths, the collected adventures of sherlock holmes, ariplanes, undeveloped real estate, a private ocean backyard swimming pool... "Roffins look up." This isn't very promising.
Mackling growled. - And all this is against regulations. Every one of these transactions is a capital offence."
It's quite interesting what the writer is trying to say to us. We are too different. Every conqueror - do the easy part - which is conquer the adversary. But difficult is to rule them. Most of the times the conquerors become conquered. Afghanistan and Iraq says something? There was always rebels. Winning is easy - staying in power is hard.
Since this book has only 192 pages my advice is - Go read it.
July 11, 2009
One of my favorite SF books. It starts a familiar "aliens invade earth" tale, but then takes off in a different direction. Don't let anyone spoil this one for you, read it yourself. Anvil has a great sense of humor as well.
January 28, 2012
This sci-fi book was pretty good. Unfortunately it had small print and the pacing seemed rushed. Overall though it was a solid read. Better than some of the chaff I have read lately. =)
January 14, 2025
Check out my full, spoiler free, video review HERE.
I really enjoyed the beginning of this one but about a 1/3rd of the way through it became a struggle to keep me interested. The whole novel is told from the point of view of alien invaders as they attempt to subjugate humanity. It’s pretty clever in the beginning as you see all of humanity's flaws are what keep the aliens from completely conquering them. There are some really funny moments in the novel but I wouldn’t classify this one as a comedy. It really dragged on and I really didn’t care about the characters or overall outcome.
I really enjoyed the beginning of this one but about a 1/3rd of the way through it became a struggle to keep me interested. The whole novel is told from the point of view of alien invaders as they attempt to subjugate humanity. It’s pretty clever in the beginning as you see all of humanity's flaws are what keep the aliens from completely conquering them. There are some really funny moments in the novel but I wouldn’t classify this one as a comedy. It really dragged on and I really didn’t care about the characters or overall outcome.
October 29, 2025
This book was sort of the prototype for the "Humans are Space Orcs" trope. An empire of alien species invades Earth and discovers that humans are very difficult to handle. First they lose ships and bases to tactical nukes, then they learn about hunting rifles, sabotage and guerrilla warfare. After that things really get interesting as humans introduce them to human culture and innovations like advertising.
I read Christopher Anvil's books years ago and later introduced them to my son. He loved them so much that he bought his own copies.
I read Christopher Anvil's books years ago and later introduced them to my son. He loved them so much that he bought his own copies.
June 20, 2024
What happens when the conquering aliens are not as smart as the humans they just conquered? This story is a switch on the usual tale of super intelligent beings taking over other planets. Humans didn’t win the military battle but now are winning the war over the leonine, super-inefficient bureaucrats who aren’t smart enough to understand what’s happening to them as they lose the peace. An unusual and amusing take on interplanetary war and culture.
June 20, 2019
A fun read but it does hinge on the cliche of smart humans outwitting the stupid aliens.
July 4, 2020
Funny in a very sad way.
January 9, 2024
I hated it, and don't have the words to express how frustrated and annoyed I was reading it.
November 16, 2011
This is an intriguing book that takes the view of aliens trying to take over earth but find themselves having a hard time of it. The concept is that humans are vastly more intelligent than the aliens but are incapable of working together and thus are conquered. The interesting part is what happens after as human move out into the universe and bring about all types of chaos the aliens had never even thought about. I learned that serious issues can be addressed in humorous and entertaining ways.
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August 22, 2008Pandora's Planet by Christopher Anvil (2000)
February 20, 2011
Grade B-
May 22, 2015
Aliens conquer Earth"," and discover that may have been a big mistake.
August 31, 2015
It'll certainly make you smile at mankinds stupidity.
May 10, 2010
A fun read with some interesting quirks and a surprise at the end.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews