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On Becoming
Toke never envisaged that she would be a successful media personality. She began her journey as a bubbly child but grew into a lonely teenager after
the devastating loss of both her parents. For so long after, it seemed as though she would never find herself.
On Becoming is the real Toke Makinwa telling us what it is like to be one of the most talked about celebrities in Nigeria. She reveals the truth behind her 14-year relationship with the man she finally married. A marriage that ended
in an atrocious scandal that nearly brought her to her knees.
In the wake of the peaks and troughs that characterise Toke’s experiences, she now shares her struggle with blinding betrayal, finding forgiveness and
drawing strength from her faith in God.
On Becoming is Toke’s journey through pain to victory.
the devastating loss of both her parents. For so long after, it seemed as though she would never find herself.
On Becoming is the real Toke Makinwa telling us what it is like to be one of the most talked about celebrities in Nigeria. She reveals the truth behind her 14-year relationship with the man she finally married. A marriage that ended
in an atrocious scandal that nearly brought her to her knees.
In the wake of the peaks and troughs that characterise Toke’s experiences, she now shares her struggle with blinding betrayal, finding forgiveness and
drawing strength from her faith in God.
On Becoming is Toke’s journey through pain to victory.
134 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 22, 2016
55 people are currently reading
591 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews
December 6, 2016
This book glorifies the maxim - Love is blind. But it doesn't end there, it also depicts that love is stupid and senseless.
Personally I think what toke felt for maje wasn't love but inflation tainted with a high dose of obsession. This book is bound to make you feel sorry and angry, for me, it left me more angry than sorry.
Personally I think what toke felt for maje wasn't love but inflation tainted with a high dose of obsession. This book is bound to make you feel sorry and angry, for me, it left me more angry than sorry.
February 5, 2020
I have never read a book that I should have felt sorry for a person but felt angry at her choices. I know I might sound judgmental but yooo this girl!!!
Firstly she fell inlove with a guy that never put her first. That treated her like nothing, that would cheat daily and ignore her in the process. When she finds out about his infidelities, he will not answer her calls for weeks, like ignore her, who never cared even if her friends or cousins saw him with other girls. She found messages where he will be telling girls that she was a nobody. She has seen porn videos of her boyfriend with other girls. She has seen her boyfriend asking for money to help his girlfriends. She has shared a table with another girlfriend with a boyfriend being there. She has left him and he continued with his other women on social media then when he was tired came and told her he missed her.. He made another girl pregnant and only saw on his emails but still continued with the relationship.
After all of the above and more- #YetSheMarriedHim. Even that marriage, he postponed it 3 times, and the wedding was hidden to the world all because the hubby wanted it so.... so really what did she expect after the wedding? Even when they were married there was no sex because he wanted no child with her, they had sex when he wanted. Only when he impregnated the second woman and the media got hold of the news had she see the need to leave. Even then she acted surprised that he could do that to her.
They always say, signs or red flags are always there but hers was more than signs yet she continued and married him. The guy never stopped even before they got married. Even the guy’s parents cautioned her against their own son. Even her own family- hhay I can write till the morning but if this is what we call love then it is true that love is blind and makes us stupid.
It is sad that this is a memoir not a fiction. She was well educated with degrees and everything yet love for a wrong man blinded her. Even though she had money, beauty and brains, love made her stupid. I am however glad she finally accepted that she was stupidly inlove and learned that the guy will never change and that she had to reclaim her life back.
Thanks to the author for not leaving any detail of her life because I am sure there are other women that do not love themselves that much that they can allow to be such doormat for men and stay with them with the hope that they will change. Hey guys it gets worse but these guys have sweet tongues so you need to be vigilant. I hope the story helps other women to leave such relationships, it is hard to reclaim yourself after this.
July 20, 2020
This was annoying AF to read! I'm not even sure this review would fully express how annoyed I was at reading this book. Even remembering the book is triggering.
I expected so much better from an OAP, who had so much youngsters looking up to her for career and life advice. But, NO. Toke just had to talk about her RELATIONSHIP and her EX-HUSBAND and CLARIFY why she HAD to focus the ENTIRE MEMOIR on her ex! Why? Because she was tryna say her own side of the story about her "failed" marriage (I put the failed in quotes because, apparently that is exactly how Makinwa views it).
Now, does she talk about her upbringing? Yes, but in hurried way, like she doesn't want us to get too much of a glimpse into it lest we see something she doesn't want us to see (why did you write a memoir then, Toke Makinwa?). Also, the way she wrote about her childhood was like she was tryna prove a point to her naysayers that she had a childhood indeed. Odd.
Moving on to when she got into university. She talks about Unilag a lil' bit, but instead of giving an indepth story of how she got into radio and all other school activities, she glossed through the whole thing. She veered so quickly into the story of her ex husband (whose name I forget because I can't really be bothered, and I think she gave him some kind of subtle code name) that my head was spinning trying to understand why he was such a prominent character in HER MEMOIR.
Somehow, that wasn't enough, she just had to let us know how she'd always been the one who started dating him first (you'd understand why later when you come across the fact that the woman who he cheated on her with was said to have been dating him from that time too o) and she was reluctant to as well, as per she doesn't just date anybody. Oh, and one more thing, as the story progressed we discovered that Toke KNEW FROM THE BEGINNING that her bobo had a sideboo (she found out from his gateman –this was when they were still dating o – while she was still in Unilag). Did she end the relationship? Oh no!
She carried the drama to her life after Uni. Did she tell us her life challenges and about the job market? Did she talk about how she developed herself to becoming the top media personality we have in Nigeria today? Heck to the nah. She was ALL ABOUT her ex husband! How she found out he cheated and got someone pregnant (by the way, this is not a spoiler because asides from the fact that everyone in NIGERIA already knew the story, it was glaring a few chapters in.)
Why didn't Toke Makinwa talk about how she made it in the radio industry? Why didn't she talk about how she felt when she made her first million? Why didn't she address how hard (or easy) it is to be an entrepreneur in Nigeria? Why didn't she tell us what made her start vlogging? She claims not to care what people think about her, but the fact that she cares VERY MUCH is evident in this excuse of a memoir.
Did she really think people wanted to read this crap? Wasting their time and money? I for one didn't. This book is not worth reading or talking about. I'd rather read Arese Ugwu's The Smart Money Women (which I disliked) a hundred times, than touch this book again.
It's titled On Becoming. On becoming what exactly? Please tell us, Toke Makinwa.
I expected so much better from an OAP, who had so much youngsters looking up to her for career and life advice. But, NO. Toke just had to talk about her RELATIONSHIP and her EX-HUSBAND and CLARIFY why she HAD to focus the ENTIRE MEMOIR on her ex! Why? Because she was tryna say her own side of the story about her "failed" marriage (I put the failed in quotes because, apparently that is exactly how Makinwa views it).
Now, does she talk about her upbringing? Yes, but in hurried way, like she doesn't want us to get too much of a glimpse into it lest we see something she doesn't want us to see (why did you write a memoir then, Toke Makinwa?). Also, the way she wrote about her childhood was like she was tryna prove a point to her naysayers that she had a childhood indeed. Odd.
Moving on to when she got into university. She talks about Unilag a lil' bit, but instead of giving an indepth story of how she got into radio and all other school activities, she glossed through the whole thing. She veered so quickly into the story of her ex husband (whose name I forget because I can't really be bothered, and I think she gave him some kind of subtle code name) that my head was spinning trying to understand why he was such a prominent character in HER MEMOIR.
Somehow, that wasn't enough, she just had to let us know how she'd always been the one who started dating him first (you'd understand why later when you come across the fact that the woman who he cheated on her with was said to have been dating him from that time too o) and she was reluctant to as well, as per she doesn't just date anybody. Oh, and one more thing, as the story progressed we discovered that Toke KNEW FROM THE BEGINNING that her bobo had a sideboo (she found out from his gateman –this was when they were still dating o – while she was still in Unilag). Did she end the relationship? Oh no!
She carried the drama to her life after Uni. Did she tell us her life challenges and about the job market? Did she talk about how she developed herself to becoming the top media personality we have in Nigeria today? Heck to the nah. She was ALL ABOUT her ex husband! How she found out he cheated and got someone pregnant (by the way, this is not a spoiler because asides from the fact that everyone in NIGERIA already knew the story, it was glaring a few chapters in.)
Why didn't Toke Makinwa talk about how she made it in the radio industry? Why didn't she talk about how she felt when she made her first million? Why didn't she address how hard (or easy) it is to be an entrepreneur in Nigeria? Why didn't she tell us what made her start vlogging? She claims not to care what people think about her, but the fact that she cares VERY MUCH is evident in this excuse of a memoir.
Did she really think people wanted to read this crap? Wasting their time and money? I for one didn't. This book is not worth reading or talking about. I'd rather read Arese Ugwu's The Smart Money Women (which I disliked) a hundred times, than touch this book again.
It's titled On Becoming. On becoming what exactly? Please tell us, Toke Makinwa.
December 13, 2016
With the hype, I was expecting something really amazing but fell really flat. The beginning of the book was promising and that was just it. Felt like I wasted my time and was praying for the book to end. The 2 stars was for the effort.
December 13, 2016
Wow!
I for one believe that falling in love is a good thing. But for one to fall in love without using brains is dangerous.
The red flags in Maje's and Toke's relationship were as clear as day but she just gave it a blind eye. I do not understand how Maje was so convincing to her every other time. I guess it is love.
You can love someone for all the right reasons and end up on the receiving end. As they say "all moss points to civilization".
If a man leaves a relationship trust me he is already boarded on another one.
Women should be treated as the weaker vessels and they should as well try not to push their men away in anyway at all costs. I did not get why they we sleeping together outside of a marriage.
Toke and Maje seem to have gone though a couple of relationships but Maje win's hands down on being sly.
I wish Toke could learn from that love that Caleb Ifemayowa Makinwa and Modupe Monica Makinwa had. Oh so lovely.....and their demise sad.
When in love, pinch yourself to remind yourself that there is also reality.
A good read.
https://storify.com/samdemic/on-becom...
I for one believe that falling in love is a good thing. But for one to fall in love without using brains is dangerous.
The red flags in Maje's and Toke's relationship were as clear as day but she just gave it a blind eye. I do not understand how Maje was so convincing to her every other time. I guess it is love.
You can love someone for all the right reasons and end up on the receiving end. As they say "all moss points to civilization".
If a man leaves a relationship trust me he is already boarded on another one.
Women should be treated as the weaker vessels and they should as well try not to push their men away in anyway at all costs. I did not get why they we sleeping together outside of a marriage.
Toke and Maje seem to have gone though a couple of relationships but Maje win's hands down on being sly.
I wish Toke could learn from that love that Caleb Ifemayowa Makinwa and Modupe Monica Makinwa had. Oh so lovely.....and their demise sad.
When in love, pinch yourself to remind yourself that there is also reality.
A good read.
https://storify.com/samdemic/on-becom...
February 7, 2017
To say that this book annoyed me is an understatement. I put it down so many times in anger and considered if I should bother carrying on because it felt to me that Toke decided not to see what was right before her and coated this insane abusive relationship with the word, love. Whatever she felt for Maje was obsessive and needy and, in part, encouraged his behaviour because he knew she would always take him back in spite of all the cheating and lying. I'm not saying I didn't feel sorry for her, it's impossible not to, but the poor girl should have walked away so early on in the relationship that it became difficult to empathise with her when he committed yet another unspeakable act and she forgave him...again! This book gets a three star because of her courage to share the truth with the world. Stories like this need to be told to help women in similar situations wake up to the reality of their (I'll say it) stupidity. It doesn't sound like he ever hit her, but the psychological abusive she received did a lot worse.
December 8, 2016
There are so many things I want to say about this book, but I will develop my review later....
I think Toke has proven to be strong and stupid. Her memoir is a sad story, a moral lesson to everyone, especially those in an abusive relationship...
I reserve further comment on the book for now...
I think Toke has proven to be strong and stupid. Her memoir is a sad story, a moral lesson to everyone, especially those in an abusive relationship...
I reserve further comment on the book for now...
November 27, 2016
Wow!
Raw, real and deep. I could understand and relate to her experiences. She told a personal story in a deep and unbiased way
Raw, real and deep. I could understand and relate to her experiences. She told a personal story in a deep and unbiased way
December 12, 2016
This book was a waste of my time.
December 3, 2016
I wept (a little)
I was greatly moved by this story. I was surprised at myself for crying a little when Toke mentioned Maje 's reasons for not being able to let go of Anita. I'm amazed at this Maje of a man. What sort of a human is he? Why did he marry Toke in the first place if he never loved her? God save womankind from men like Maje Ayida. I hope Anita finds her perfect baby daddy in him.
I was greatly moved by this story. I was surprised at myself for crying a little when Toke mentioned Maje 's reasons for not being able to let go of Anita. I'm amazed at this Maje of a man. What sort of a human is he? Why did he marry Toke in the first place if he never loved her? God save womankind from men like Maje Ayida. I hope Anita finds her perfect baby daddy in him.
December 7, 2016
i don't even know whether to applaud or beat some sense into Toke for going through what she did for 12years! Maje is a sociopath. There are two sides to a story but i don't care about his side; what he did to this woman no matter what she did to him was appalling and downright evil! Thank God she's come to her senses and making some money while at it
November 29, 2016
A good read
I would recommend this book. It's relatable to anyone from Nigeria background, where the system and society have let lot of people down. Especially women. I can't wait for the part where Toke becomes a happy and successful global citizen with her family.
I would recommend this book. It's relatable to anyone from Nigeria background, where the system and society have let lot of people down. Especially women. I can't wait for the part where Toke becomes a happy and successful global citizen with her family.
November 30, 2016
It take courage for one to share their failures with people. Toke Makinwa is a very strong woman to have shared her story without holding back.
February 25, 2021
Bob Marley in one of his popular songs said,” One good thing about music is when it hits you feel no pain.”
Can he say the same for love?
Does love hit? I think not.
Love bludgeons. It brutalizes, leaves you raw, open, vulnerable,and weak.
Love, in Toke Makinwa’s “On Becoming” presented itself in all its gory (Yes, GORY)
I will not bother going into how the book made me feel. 😠🤢🤧🤒
All I’ll point out is what it made me see.
The author like most “Becoming a Mrs.” addicts fell in love with pain.
The signs that she was in a bad relationship was as clear as day, yet someone, she enjoyed the highs she derived from the pain and kept the relationship for 13+ years.
As though it wasn’t bad enough that the toxins from her relationship was affecting her mental health, she still went ahead to make this shitty conclusion:
**********
I was broken beyond repair. The whole of my twenties I had spent chasing Maje, holding on, waiting for him to finally grow up, and now he had a son.
What was it about me that made me so difficult to love? Because surely, it was me, not him. I must be unlovable.....
In spite of it all, I didn’t leave Maje. I loved him with all my heart and was determined to see the good in him. And so after months of pleading with me, I accepted him back.
But wait, maybe marriage would fix us... Yes, we had to get married. It was the only way we would have peace.
**********
Now, this is where I want you to look deeply and see... Toke is not the only woman that comes to the conclusion that “Marriage” will fix a cheating man.
Most people do.
They believe marriage is the fix-all for abuse, disrespect, emotional traumas, infidelity.... name it.
God, how can they even think that? Who the hell put ideas like that into people’s heads!
How can a man/woman who doesn’t treat you right suddenly do so after saying a bunch of “I dos?”
A bad relationship is a bad relationship, period!
Marriage will not fix it! If for nothing, it’ll only make it worse.
Okay, I’m ranting.... 😡😠
Let’s move past that and focus on the lessons.
Lesson one: Love yourself enough to leave the table when love, happiness, and respect is no longer on the menu.
That’s all.
Can he say the same for love?
Does love hit? I think not.
Love bludgeons. It brutalizes, leaves you raw, open, vulnerable,and weak.
Love, in Toke Makinwa’s “On Becoming” presented itself in all its gory (Yes, GORY)
I will not bother going into how the book made me feel. 😠🤢🤧🤒
All I’ll point out is what it made me see.
The author like most “Becoming a Mrs.” addicts fell in love with pain.
The signs that she was in a bad relationship was as clear as day, yet someone, she enjoyed the highs she derived from the pain and kept the relationship for 13+ years.
As though it wasn’t bad enough that the toxins from her relationship was affecting her mental health, she still went ahead to make this shitty conclusion:
**********
I was broken beyond repair. The whole of my twenties I had spent chasing Maje, holding on, waiting for him to finally grow up, and now he had a son.
What was it about me that made me so difficult to love? Because surely, it was me, not him. I must be unlovable.....
In spite of it all, I didn’t leave Maje. I loved him with all my heart and was determined to see the good in him. And so after months of pleading with me, I accepted him back.
But wait, maybe marriage would fix us... Yes, we had to get married. It was the only way we would have peace.
**********
Now, this is where I want you to look deeply and see... Toke is not the only woman that comes to the conclusion that “Marriage” will fix a cheating man.
Most people do.
They believe marriage is the fix-all for abuse, disrespect, emotional traumas, infidelity.... name it.
God, how can they even think that? Who the hell put ideas like that into people’s heads!
How can a man/woman who doesn’t treat you right suddenly do so after saying a bunch of “I dos?”
A bad relationship is a bad relationship, period!
Marriage will not fix it! If for nothing, it’ll only make it worse.
Okay, I’m ranting.... 😡😠
Let’s move past that and focus on the lessons.
Lesson one: Love yourself enough to leave the table when love, happiness, and respect is no longer on the menu.
That’s all.
December 24, 2016
Toke Makinwa is a brave woman. It is not easy for someone to bare her mistakes and her failures in a book. We read memoirs about people being great, this is a total flip of the norm. But as they say you learn more from tragedy than a bedtime story.
On Becoming is a sad memoir about the shattering of trust by a waste of a man. It is important that people take time to know thyself. We have to spend time to do a psychological evaluation of ourselves once we reach adulthood. Lots of failure can be avoided when we know our blind side.
Ms Makinwa had self love and self trust issues, in the hands of a good man you can make it but a bad man will manipulate it till kingdom come. That is what Maje did in this relationship that shouldn't have lead to marriage. It is foolhardy to think that you can change a person. You can change like 5% and that's if the person will allow you. Most cheaters will keep doing it because they really don't have control and have lost the compass a long time ago.
There are a lot of lessons in this short book and I like the discussions they will stir up.
This is an earthquake to our literary and social structure and I hope after the quake we get better. We have to.
On Becoming is a sad memoir about the shattering of trust by a waste of a man. It is important that people take time to know thyself. We have to spend time to do a psychological evaluation of ourselves once we reach adulthood. Lots of failure can be avoided when we know our blind side.
Ms Makinwa had self love and self trust issues, in the hands of a good man you can make it but a bad man will manipulate it till kingdom come. That is what Maje did in this relationship that shouldn't have lead to marriage. It is foolhardy to think that you can change a person. You can change like 5% and that's if the person will allow you. Most cheaters will keep doing it because they really don't have control and have lost the compass a long time ago.
There are a lot of lessons in this short book and I like the discussions they will stir up.
This is an earthquake to our literary and social structure and I hope after the quake we get better. We have to.
January 11, 2018
Reading this book just reminds one of any hurt they have been through romantically. Yes, no man is perfect but giving up everything so as to hold on to him does not make him stick. Toke has this belief that her daddy issues and her not being proactive led her marriage to the dogs. I beg to differ. From day one the man, Maje, was a cheater. He did it relentlessly and without apology. She forced the union just because of the 'honeymoon' phases that shone between all the infidelity fights. Despite all the warnings from friends, family and even Maje's sister she pushes through to marry him. No obvious issues that are present during courtship can be solved through tying the note. She goes unbelievable lengths to keep a man who didn't belong to her and just rationalises it as a lesson God was teaching her. Anyway as she says regret is exhausting and I am willing to bet she has never really examined at her life with a sober eye. She should have never married him. Marriage has never changed anyone.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 8, 2018
I felt like punching Toke a couple of times while reading this book because, Oh My God! How can one be sooooo ....Stupid? And patient. Wasting over a decade of your life all in the name of love? Wow, she really has a totally different definition of love.
Anyway, I didn't lose my parents at 8 and never had daddy issues, so she could be having her reasons to behave the way she did. Was this meant to be a memoir or something like that cos it feels like it shed light only on the love side of her life. If she was to rewrite the book, she should tell us how she got her first job, what she did to beat some people in the same industry and all that. I feel like much was left out.
However, it was a nice read. Finished in one sitting.
4 stars despite the imperfections of the book and her life.
Anyway, I didn't lose my parents at 8 and never had daddy issues, so she could be having her reasons to behave the way she did. Was this meant to be a memoir or something like that cos it feels like it shed light only on the love side of her life. If she was to rewrite the book, she should tell us how she got her first job, what she did to beat some people in the same industry and all that. I feel like much was left out.
However, it was a nice read. Finished in one sitting.
4 stars despite the imperfections of the book and her life.
June 10, 2017
Very detailed.The signs were there from the very beginning but then love blinds us and we give chances we shouldn't be giving at all.She came,saw and conquered.She found herself through it all.She chose finding herself than getting stuck in a place of constant unhappiness.To let someone you have memories with go is a horrifying and lonely thought.God bless you Toke and may you find happiness in all the different aspects of your life.Your book has inspired and will keep inspiring.The Lord just began with you.
January 8, 2018
Raw, sad but also empowering especially for women in Africa on the need to empower themselves socio economically. Made me angry at times due to the vicious cycle but it is her story and I am not here to judge how she chose to tell it. Wish there was more about her career but I think she needed to let out the pain of her relationship out. All the best to her.
June 30, 2020
This is a good book for single women or those who are experiencing problems in their relationships/marriage. It provides an analogy of the various stages of grief one goes through when a relationship fails and how to recover from it. It's also a depiction on how to make lemonade from several lemons that are thrown to you.
March 23, 2018
Enjoyable & easy read...Nice one!
December 21, 2018
I did not enjoy this book. I also did not like the fonts, it was difficult to read
February 7, 2019
Its a book one must read
Read
January 21, 2020During the relationship she saw the red flag let just saw she was too in love to let go.
December 30, 2021
This is a story of a woman strong enough to face societal rumors, gossip and unhealed wounds. It was written so well
June 26, 2020
I loved reading the book. It was more of an expose on her personal life so i didn't expect her to focus so much on the making of Toke as a brand.
At a point, i was mad at her naivety and for always going back to her ex, but then, that's what love does to you.
Good job, Toke! Thank you for putting this out. Glad you have embraced your healing process.
At a point, i was mad at her naivety and for always going back to her ex, but then, that's what love does to you.
Good job, Toke! Thank you for putting this out. Glad you have embraced your healing process.
May 4, 2017
The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.
We argued, he pulled back, then life happened and he needed me and predictably I rushed to help. And he was grateful but no, he remained indecisive. I was confused. They say, don't let mixed signals fool you; indecision is a decision. But hadn't I proved my worth? Hadn't his doubts been quelled? What more could be done?
This is not a well written book and it doesn't have an elaborate plot neither does it contain salacious confessions nor intriguing meanderings. It's simply an honest self-reflection; a story of a girl who was let down by a man who wasn't a monster but who was susceptible to the failings of ordinary beings. A story of a girl who hurt the man she loved.
It is the story of the grassland savanna with its mountain peaks, valleys and plateaus; its rivers and its forests. It is a story where the hunter and the hunted interchange where light descends into darkness and ascends back to light. Round and round the earth spins. It is a powerful story of formation of self - a story of mistakes and lessons - a story of coming into being. And I devoured it whole as it resonated astoundingly with what I was going through the moment the book found its way to me. It did not heal me but it silenced my mind a little bit. Slowly, the fantasies I was nurturing came tumbling down, one by one.
There is plenty of talk about awakenings, young girls discovering their passionate nature and hitherto unexplored sexuality but what of when you are all grown up and your decisions fall flat on your face, when you discover just how powerless the ego and the relationships we cherish so much are to guaranteeing our joy?
The book was a great comfort in that although regeneration is painful, it is necessary for survival. It's a journey that must be borne alone in order to rid us of the notion that our joy emanates from our external environment as opposed to that which lies inside
We argued, he pulled back, then life happened and he needed me and predictably I rushed to help. And he was grateful but no, he remained indecisive. I was confused. They say, don't let mixed signals fool you; indecision is a decision. But hadn't I proved my worth? Hadn't his doubts been quelled? What more could be done?
This is not a well written book and it doesn't have an elaborate plot neither does it contain salacious confessions nor intriguing meanderings. It's simply an honest self-reflection; a story of a girl who was let down by a man who wasn't a monster but who was susceptible to the failings of ordinary beings. A story of a girl who hurt the man she loved.
It is the story of the grassland savanna with its mountain peaks, valleys and plateaus; its rivers and its forests. It is a story where the hunter and the hunted interchange where light descends into darkness and ascends back to light. Round and round the earth spins. It is a powerful story of formation of self - a story of mistakes and lessons - a story of coming into being. And I devoured it whole as it resonated astoundingly with what I was going through the moment the book found its way to me. It did not heal me but it silenced my mind a little bit. Slowly, the fantasies I was nurturing came tumbling down, one by one.
There is plenty of talk about awakenings, young girls discovering their passionate nature and hitherto unexplored sexuality but what of when you are all grown up and your decisions fall flat on your face, when you discover just how powerless the ego and the relationships we cherish so much are to guaranteeing our joy?
The book was a great comfort in that although regeneration is painful, it is necessary for survival. It's a journey that must be borne alone in order to rid us of the notion that our joy emanates from our external environment as opposed to that which lies inside
February 3, 2017
In the wake of a highly public marriage split this book came out to help its author find closure from a marriage that ended badly. Like the author herself was quoted as saying, this is not a "tell-all" but a "must tell", so I wasn't expecting a full memoir. This book is all about her life, as seen from the viewpoint of her personal tragedies (early childhood and her romantic relationship). Her narrative lacked cohesion in some parts, but if you are willing (like I was) to overlook these minor inconsistencies you would be inspired by the story of a woman who chose to find closure and step out of her personal darkness. Great read, but go in with an open heart.
December 13, 2016
Very riveting read... Toke's experiences are heartbreaking and unfortunately, not unfamiliar to the African and Afro-Caribbean woman.
Despite this, the book centered solely on the relational part of her life, and I think it would have captured more of her person and done more for me if she spoke about her journey to success, career wise. Also, for me, the ending was a little abrupt.
The message in the book is a good one and I love her unapologetic mention of her faith.
Despite this, the book centered solely on the relational part of her life, and I think it would have captured more of her person and done more for me if she spoke about her journey to success, career wise. Also, for me, the ending was a little abrupt.
The message in the book is a good one and I love her unapologetic mention of her faith.
April 15, 2017
I totally loved the book,i mean i have always loved toke...at the beginning i was angry thats she was soo stupid i realized we do can do so much for LOVE and i am glad she is making her happiness come first..wish her the BEST
I love the book and it did teach me alot..I am glad she is making her happiness come first
She was too inlove for my liking
I love the book and it did teach me alot..I am glad she is making her happiness come first
She was too inlove for my liking
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