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A Fierce Love: One Woman’s Courageous Journey to Save Her Marriage
Love is easy to give when you are getting it back. Are we still called to God’s plan of how to love when we are getting none in return? Shauna Shanks’s brave journey through obedience reveals the outcome of when we dare to follow God’s ludicrous outline for love as described in 1 Corinthians 13.
Wrecked with news of her husband’s affair and his request for a divorce, Shauna finds herself urgently faced with a decision. Does she give up and divorce her husband and move on, or does she try to fight for her marriage? The former choice seems to contradict God’s plan for how to love, such as “love never gives up,” “love is patient,” and “love is kind.”
Taking God at His word and assuming the love chapter was really meant to be followed literally word by word, she not only finds herself falling in love with her spouse again, but also falling in love with Jesus, which changes everything.
First Corinthians 13 presents an audacious, illogical, and irrational context of how to love, meant to be applied to every marital context not just the fairytale marriage. If God’s instructions seem illogical and audacious, you might just expect the same kind of results in return!
This book is not air-brushed. It was written in the midst of the author’s deepest trauma, and she purposefully did not edit out her mistakes and failures during that season. This book will resonate with women who do not feel like the picture-perfect Christian woman with the fairytale life and marriage.
A Fierce Love is the story of a train wreck and reaching out to God not in the calm but in the chaos and finding hope for the future.
Wrecked with news of her husband’s affair and his request for a divorce, Shauna finds herself urgently faced with a decision. Does she give up and divorce her husband and move on, or does she try to fight for her marriage? The former choice seems to contradict God’s plan for how to love, such as “love never gives up,” “love is patient,” and “love is kind.”
Taking God at His word and assuming the love chapter was really meant to be followed literally word by word, she not only finds herself falling in love with her spouse again, but also falling in love with Jesus, which changes everything.
First Corinthians 13 presents an audacious, illogical, and irrational context of how to love, meant to be applied to every marital context not just the fairytale marriage. If God’s instructions seem illogical and audacious, you might just expect the same kind of results in return!
This book is not air-brushed. It was written in the midst of the author’s deepest trauma, and she purposefully did not edit out her mistakes and failures during that season. This book will resonate with women who do not feel like the picture-perfect Christian woman with the fairytale life and marriage.
A Fierce Love is the story of a train wreck and reaching out to God not in the calm but in the chaos and finding hope for the future.
240 pages, Paperback
Published June 27, 2017
63 people are currently reading
494 people want to read
About the author
Shauna Shanks
4 books9 followersShauna Shanks is a wife, mother, and entrepreneur. She started Smallfolk, a health food café, out of her passion for health and fitness. She graduated from Christ for the Nations Institute in Dallas, Texas, with a focus on world missions. Shauna and her husband, Micah, who is a police officer, have been married for more than a decade, and they live with their three boys on an Ohio farm. www.shaunashanks.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 80 reviews
July 13, 2017
I loved this book!
Let me clarify. I hate that Shauna and Micah had to travel this road. I hate that anyone has to travel this road, whether it is the husband having an affair or the wife that has an affair. It isn't pleasant at all for anyone. If you are one of the few that know our story, then you know that we have been down this road and we have come out on the other side stronger than ever. Loving this book does not mean that I love what happened to them, it means that I love that they have shared their story with us. I love that they are still writing the rest of their story. No, I do not have any inside scoop about another book or a Hallmark movie (which was mentioned on the live chat), I mean that they are still doing life together. They are still in this love story. I love that Shauna listened to God, and applied the Love Filter to her life. I love this book!
A Fierce Love is a book of life, hope, heartache, and healing. Divorce happens, and it happens a lot. I'm not judging. I have friends, family and even my husband has been divorced. A preacher man that I am "friends" with on the Book of Faces pointed out that even God has been divorced. I'll leave the scripture right here so you can read it for yourself.
Jeremiah 3: 8
New International Version (NIV)
8 I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries. Yet I saw that her unfaithful sister Judah had no fear; she also went out and committed adultery.
I know that is a completely different blog post, but it is written right there in the Bible.
Back to the book, A Fierce Love. When we get married, we make a vow before God, family and friends, and lots of weddings are in churches. LOTS! We want God there when we are in the midst of all the wedded bliss, but when we are wronged we often forget to bring God into the situation. This book is a wonderful example of how we can go to God, listen to God, and obey God in what seems like the end of our world. Don't get me wrong, this happily ever ending won't happen for everyone, even with God being in the situation. But shouldn't we be willing to bring Him into more of our situations?
Oh I seem to be getting off track here, let me see if I can wrap it up with something about the actual book.
A Fierce Love is a book that I recommend to everyone! Men and women! I admire anyone that is willing to showcase a terrible time in their life to remind us that God is good. They are willing to share their story in hopes that someone will gain from it. I'm sure there will be haters out there, because anytime God is glorified the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. (Sorry!) Just shake it off! (I know, sorry! Couldn't help myself!)
Love this book! Go get it! Read it! Share it!
Let me clarify. I hate that Shauna and Micah had to travel this road. I hate that anyone has to travel this road, whether it is the husband having an affair or the wife that has an affair. It isn't pleasant at all for anyone. If you are one of the few that know our story, then you know that we have been down this road and we have come out on the other side stronger than ever. Loving this book does not mean that I love what happened to them, it means that I love that they have shared their story with us. I love that they are still writing the rest of their story. No, I do not have any inside scoop about another book or a Hallmark movie (which was mentioned on the live chat), I mean that they are still doing life together. They are still in this love story. I love that Shauna listened to God, and applied the Love Filter to her life. I love this book!
A Fierce Love is a book of life, hope, heartache, and healing. Divorce happens, and it happens a lot. I'm not judging. I have friends, family and even my husband has been divorced. A preacher man that I am "friends" with on the Book of Faces pointed out that even God has been divorced. I'll leave the scripture right here so you can read it for yourself.
Jeremiah 3: 8
New International Version (NIV)
8 I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries. Yet I saw that her unfaithful sister Judah had no fear; she also went out and committed adultery.
I know that is a completely different blog post, but it is written right there in the Bible.
Back to the book, A Fierce Love. When we get married, we make a vow before God, family and friends, and lots of weddings are in churches. LOTS! We want God there when we are in the midst of all the wedded bliss, but when we are wronged we often forget to bring God into the situation. This book is a wonderful example of how we can go to God, listen to God, and obey God in what seems like the end of our world. Don't get me wrong, this happily ever ending won't happen for everyone, even with God being in the situation. But shouldn't we be willing to bring Him into more of our situations?
Oh I seem to be getting off track here, let me see if I can wrap it up with something about the actual book.
A Fierce Love is a book that I recommend to everyone! Men and women! I admire anyone that is willing to showcase a terrible time in their life to remind us that God is good. They are willing to share their story in hopes that someone will gain from it. I'm sure there will be haters out there, because anytime God is glorified the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. (Sorry!) Just shake it off! (I know, sorry! Couldn't help myself!)
Love this book! Go get it! Read it! Share it!
July 17, 2017
Woah. Mind. Blown. Every marriage should have this as required reading. My whole idea of what love looks like was turned around. Shanks speaks transparently (but not horribly graphically) about her husband's affair, and about the spiritual attacks they were both undergoing during that time. She also speaks of the victory she experienced in Christ PERSONALLY, before God ever healed her marriage. Each step of the way, she sought God's leading--"I have found that I am safe in obedience." Anyone who's been in this Christian journey for a while knows this is so true. Meanwhile, God was using her renewed love for her husband to remind her of His relentless, grace-filled love for her.
Practical advice fills these pages, but it's not prescriptive and across-the-board, so Shanks doesn't presume to say everyone should respond to a broken marriage the exact same way she did--but she does believe marriage (love) is worth fighting for, even when the love doesn't seem to be there anymore.
Uplifting, encouraging, grace-filled book I highly encourage everyone to read, not just those whose marriages are already in trouble. It also addresses apathy in marriage, the need to accept help from others, what forgiveness really looks like, and so many other things. This book is like a much-needed breath of fresh air for Christians struggling in their marriages. It gives hope--but the hope is in GOD, not in the wayward spouse.
Thank you, Shauna, for being willing to share your experience with so many hurting believers.
Practical advice fills these pages, but it's not prescriptive and across-the-board, so Shanks doesn't presume to say everyone should respond to a broken marriage the exact same way she did--but she does believe marriage (love) is worth fighting for, even when the love doesn't seem to be there anymore.
Uplifting, encouraging, grace-filled book I highly encourage everyone to read, not just those whose marriages are already in trouble. It also addresses apathy in marriage, the need to accept help from others, what forgiveness really looks like, and so many other things. This book is like a much-needed breath of fresh air for Christians struggling in their marriages. It gives hope--but the hope is in GOD, not in the wayward spouse.
Thank you, Shauna, for being willing to share your experience with so many hurting believers.
January 22, 2021
A Fierce Love is a heart wrenching memoir written by a woman on the brink of divorce. She turns to her strong Christian faith to help her through this difficult time in her life.
September 21, 2017
Rating 3.5 stars
God can give us a taste of his own heart on the fierceness of His love for us in our complacency, our broken commitments, and our infidelity. Can we do the same for our spouse?
Shauna tells her story and experience as her husband confessed his infidelity and that he didn't feel anything for her. It is her story of fighting for her husband and family. She has taken a fierceness that can only be given by the Holy Spirit and total dependence on the Father. In Shauna's experience, she also learned something of her own faith. How weak it really is but the word says and God promises that in our weakness we can find strength in who He is.
Taking 1 Corinthians Chapter 13 known as the love chapter. She practiced this towards her husband. Before you think she was a door mat, she was not. She had boundaries and her boundaries were found in God's word.
With her husband's background in his own childhood and the walls he built, it spilled into his marriage. Shauna in grace, knew that this was a spiritual battle and not one of circumstances. She also spoke of trust and how to build trust. I loved this that trust is a investment and having to earn trust is like earning love. If you have to earn love, then is it love? Yes trust is important, but as broken people, we can easily break trust. Like I said before, healthy boundaries can keep your own heart and emotional well being guarded however, God loves us unconditionally. We have to ask his God's love enough when all else fails. That is what this experience tells.
Shauna also shares some of the music that helped her to build her faith and resolve. I have included a link to share. It is music that I also listen to and we sing at church. Very worshipful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7QCTXJB6MM
I had some concerns which I will not say, but some of her resources are questionable to me. I also am wary of the phrase "God Told me" when it is thrown out all the time....I do believe God speaks to us thru his word and his word speaks of His Glory to be known. The author was careful to point out that her experience may not be your experience but what it all comes down to is being in His presence which we are when in His word and prayer.
A Special Thank you to Zondervan and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.
God can give us a taste of his own heart on the fierceness of His love for us in our complacency, our broken commitments, and our infidelity. Can we do the same for our spouse?
Shauna tells her story and experience as her husband confessed his infidelity and that he didn't feel anything for her. It is her story of fighting for her husband and family. She has taken a fierceness that can only be given by the Holy Spirit and total dependence on the Father. In Shauna's experience, she also learned something of her own faith. How weak it really is but the word says and God promises that in our weakness we can find strength in who He is.
Taking 1 Corinthians Chapter 13 known as the love chapter. She practiced this towards her husband. Before you think she was a door mat, she was not. She had boundaries and her boundaries were found in God's word.
With her husband's background in his own childhood and the walls he built, it spilled into his marriage. Shauna in grace, knew that this was a spiritual battle and not one of circumstances. She also spoke of trust and how to build trust. I loved this that trust is a investment and having to earn trust is like earning love. If you have to earn love, then is it love? Yes trust is important, but as broken people, we can easily break trust. Like I said before, healthy boundaries can keep your own heart and emotional well being guarded however, God loves us unconditionally. We have to ask his God's love enough when all else fails. That is what this experience tells.
Shauna also shares some of the music that helped her to build her faith and resolve. I have included a link to share. It is music that I also listen to and we sing at church. Very worshipful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7QCTXJB6MM
I had some concerns which I will not say, but some of her resources are questionable to me. I also am wary of the phrase "God Told me" when it is thrown out all the time....I do believe God speaks to us thru his word and his word speaks of His Glory to be known. The author was careful to point out that her experience may not be your experience but what it all comes down to is being in His presence which we are when in His word and prayer.
A Special Thank you to Zondervan and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.
July 2, 2017
I read this book for the Jamie Ivey Book Club. While I don't feel like my marriage is struggling, this book was a beautiful description of the love we should have for God and the love we should have for our spouses. It challenges readers to think about their own relationships and how we show love in our lives.
June 17, 2017
Crazy stuff. This book could have been written by my husband about me. This is totally our story but written from the wife’s perspective.
It’s very interesting to read this and fee like I am in my husbands head and what he was going through while he fought to save me and my marriage. It has made me remember so much. At first it was a bit uncomfortable to read but then I turned it around to my life now and God reminding me that I need to be loving my husband like this.
Shauna references 1 Corinthians 13 a lot in this book. At first I dismissed her thoughts as this is such a familiar verse, it doesn’t do anything for me. How crazy. It’s the word of God, it can do anything.
So I read it and was brought to tears as I saw this as a reflection of the love I am supposed to have for my husband and I stink at it. I have been praying parts of this verse into my life and over my husband. I can’t remember it all so I chose to remember the things I really need to focus on right now, like love is patient and kind, it is not easily irritable or resentful.
If you have ever thought your marriage is over, or maybe you do think it is over, be inspired and challenged by this book and remember that God can restore.
A copy of this book was given to me through Netgalley.com. All opinions are my own.
It’s very interesting to read this and fee like I am in my husbands head and what he was going through while he fought to save me and my marriage. It has made me remember so much. At first it was a bit uncomfortable to read but then I turned it around to my life now and God reminding me that I need to be loving my husband like this.
Shauna references 1 Corinthians 13 a lot in this book. At first I dismissed her thoughts as this is such a familiar verse, it doesn’t do anything for me. How crazy. It’s the word of God, it can do anything.
So I read it and was brought to tears as I saw this as a reflection of the love I am supposed to have for my husband and I stink at it. I have been praying parts of this verse into my life and over my husband. I can’t remember it all so I chose to remember the things I really need to focus on right now, like love is patient and kind, it is not easily irritable or resentful.
If you have ever thought your marriage is over, or maybe you do think it is over, be inspired and challenged by this book and remember that God can restore.
A copy of this book was given to me through Netgalley.com. All opinions are my own.
June 23, 2017
The true story of a woman manifesting agape love, endurance, and grit as she navigates the sprawling patchwork of a marital crisis. Written in an up-front and simple fashion, she successfully communicates the anguish, anger and trauma of a woman facing a possible end to her marriage and connection with her loved one. When her husband delivers shocking news, Shauna Shanks fires up a tear-filled, S.O.S prayer to God and then decides to do the unreasonable - she decides to take Him at his word. That 'word' (plural) being the 'love passage' found in 1st Corinthians 13.
Unmooring her logic and qualm, she holds steadfast to this passage, allowing it to renew her thinking and behavior - to stick around, instead of walking away, to absorb the injustices, instead of retaliating. Throughout this hardship she develops a godly structure of forgiveness, love and hope - not only with her husband, but in her relationship with God. Her journey isn't a perfect one. She notes this in her gradual discovery that both parties were at fault and in the form of setbacks that occurred when giving in to thought patterns and behavior that were out of scope from the template she developed from the love passage.
Shauna Shanks is both lover and fighter here in 'A Fierce Love' - for a man she believes in and a worthy, loving God. She is a marvel of a woman.
Thanks NetGalley for the ARC and for letting me post views of my own.
Unmooring her logic and qualm, she holds steadfast to this passage, allowing it to renew her thinking and behavior - to stick around, instead of walking away, to absorb the injustices, instead of retaliating. Throughout this hardship she develops a godly structure of forgiveness, love and hope - not only with her husband, but in her relationship with God. Her journey isn't a perfect one. She notes this in her gradual discovery that both parties were at fault and in the form of setbacks that occurred when giving in to thought patterns and behavior that were out of scope from the template she developed from the love passage.
Shauna Shanks is both lover and fighter here in 'A Fierce Love' - for a man she believes in and a worthy, loving God. She is a marvel of a woman.
Thanks NetGalley for the ARC and for letting me post views of my own.
June 28, 2017
A beautiful story of redemption
A heartbreaking and heartwarming, yet sobering, story of marriage before, during, and after adultery. God's redemption doesn't only require that of the adulterer but of the victim as well. I am learning to look within my own heart for my shortcomings and hidden sins instead of just pointing the finger at my spouse. Reconciliation demands us to be humble and contrite in spirit.
A heartbreaking and heartwarming, yet sobering, story of marriage before, during, and after adultery. God's redemption doesn't only require that of the adulterer but of the victim as well. I am learning to look within my own heart for my shortcomings and hidden sins instead of just pointing the finger at my spouse. Reconciliation demands us to be humble and contrite in spirit.
November 6, 2017
This is definitely an amazing story of redemption of her marriage. But somewhat glossed over and hard to believe. It felt neatly packaged for a publisher. I found myself skimming parts and felt the writing wasn't the best and didn't draw me in like it could have. Nonetheless an amazing story about her marriage.
July 10, 2017
Read the entire book in one shot on a plane. I am not yet married, but have seen the gravity of marriage in many around me, and consequently been a little gun-shy. A Fierce Love was so incredibly full of hope, and also practicality. The gospel so clearly depicted. What a beautiful story.
September 11, 2017
Activate the Love Filter: 5 Principles to Safeguard Your Marriage
Somewhere within the first decade of our marriage, my husband and I began to notice a disturbing trend: marriages dissolving all around us. In the church we attended at that time, three couples went their separate ways in a single year. They were active, visible members — regular attenders. We looked at each other, both deer in the headlights and knew, deep in our bones: This could happen to us, too.
Shauna Shanks writes about marriage from the trenches, and A Fierce Love is a manual for marriage preservation in the wake of unfaithfulness, betrayal, and emotional abandonment, for Shauna has invited readers to witness the anguish of the days, weeks, and months that followed her husband Micah’s announcement that he wanted a divorce. The book is a record of her resolve to fight for her marriage, even though Micah gave her absolutely no hope for reconciliation.
The Love Filter
” . . . this man with whom I had built a life, made promises to, and shared our children, opened his mouth and declared, “I do not love you. . . I am not attracted to you . . . I shouldn’t have married you. . . I have wasted ten years of my life with you, and I don’t want to waste any more of my time. I feel nothing for you.”
And yet:
God directed Shauna’s thoughts to I Corinthians 13, the love chapter, and she made a decision that her love would not be based on mere feelings. Rather than reading Paul’s words as lovely sentiment or tired poetry, for Shauna, they became a call to a fierce love — a battle cry based on the truth and a posture of grace and restraint.
Instead of remorse over his sin, Micah communicated only rejection. If the marriage was to be saved, the ball was entirely in Shauna’s court, so she employed the truths of I Corinthians 13 as her Love Filter. Responding in kindness, patience, and hope while rejecting rudeness, pride, and jealousy, she was free to persevere because I Corinthians 13 love never fails.
A Specific Calling
Shauna is very quick to say that not everyone will be called to fight as she did, and not every marriage on a broken planet is salvageable. However, her specific calling was to hang in there, to speak only to a few very close friends about her plight, and to expend all her energy in the direction of preserving that relationship.
“Second Marriage”
So completely was the Shanks’s marriage transformed, Shauna speaks of their first ten years pre-crisis as their “first marriage” (even though there was no legal breach) and the time since the reconciliation as the “second marriage.” The challenge facing you and me today, then, is to reject a “first marriage” mindset and to fight each day for that “second-marriage”-level of commitment to self-giving as a rescue for a failing marriage — or as a safe guard to an already stable and healthy marriage.
In reading Shauna’s courageous account of warrior-level faith, I gleaned five principles that seemed to be sign posts on her journey of fierce love:
1. Beware “blatant indifference.”
The roots of Micah’s cold detachment from a ten-year marriage can be traced to his troubled childhood coupled with the distraction of a competing love, but even so, Shauna admits she, too, had been practicing some behaviors that could also be considered “blatant indifference.” Binge-watching Netflix series, failing to prioritize time with Micah, and viewing the marriage as a utilitarian childcare arrangement also set the stage for weakened ties. Of course this does not excuse Micah’s infidelity but Shauna laments, “My sin may have looked different than Micah’s, but it was still sin.”
2. Find “Aaron and Hur” caliber support.
God provided two friends for Shauna who upheld her through the darkest days. So strong was her resolve to fight and so clear was her understanding that God was directing her toward reconciliation that she did not want to risk telling her family about their rift in order to keep them from turning against Micah. (She and Micah continued to live in the same house so to the outside observer, nothing had changed in the Shanks household.)
Shauna was not being abused or endangered, so she does not intend for her practice to be prescriptive for those who are in an abusive relationships. This is an important distinction given the tendency of abuse victims to hide unhealthy relationships out of shame or fear. With that firmly established, in a culture in which husband-bashing has become acceptable even in Christian circles, there’s a place for respectful silence about our spouse’s shortcomings as well as an honoring curtain of privacy sheltering a marriage relationship.
3. Refuse to receive the damaging effects of a wayward spouse’s rejection.
Shauna clung to the truth that God had already set a high value upon her, and this guarded her heart from dwelling on negative thoughts and helped to pull her out of depression and despair.
“The Bible instructs us to take our thoughts captive. We act as though we have no control over our thoughts . . . as if once they pop into our heads, we have to let them live there.
Take them captive. They will kill you.”
4. Chase after God.
If two people are determined to seek God faithfully, their marriage relationship will be impacted as well. Before working on her marriage, Shauna focused on her relationship with God and, mercifully, Micah’s heart for Shauna changed after his heart warmed once again to his Lord.
5. Take grace.
There’s a prideful rising up of the spirit that is death to relationships because it rejects the gracious offering of forgiveness. Shauna found that one of the obstacles to reconciliation was that, although she was willing to extend grace to Micah in a supernatural way — he had to become willing to receive it.
From a dark and oppressive place, Shauna trusted for grace, and God met her there. No matter what the state of your marriage (or even if you are single) there is merit in being reminded that when God becomes involved in the process of restoration, He does not merely patch us up or send us backward into a former thing. God’s work of redemption restores forward into a brand new and beautiful thing that only He can accomplish.
//
This book was provided by Zondervan through BookLook Bloggers in exchange for my review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Somewhere within the first decade of our marriage, my husband and I began to notice a disturbing trend: marriages dissolving all around us. In the church we attended at that time, three couples went their separate ways in a single year. They were active, visible members — regular attenders. We looked at each other, both deer in the headlights and knew, deep in our bones: This could happen to us, too.
Shauna Shanks writes about marriage from the trenches, and A Fierce Love is a manual for marriage preservation in the wake of unfaithfulness, betrayal, and emotional abandonment, for Shauna has invited readers to witness the anguish of the days, weeks, and months that followed her husband Micah’s announcement that he wanted a divorce. The book is a record of her resolve to fight for her marriage, even though Micah gave her absolutely no hope for reconciliation.
The Love Filter
” . . . this man with whom I had built a life, made promises to, and shared our children, opened his mouth and declared, “I do not love you. . . I am not attracted to you . . . I shouldn’t have married you. . . I have wasted ten years of my life with you, and I don’t want to waste any more of my time. I feel nothing for you.”
And yet:
God directed Shauna’s thoughts to I Corinthians 13, the love chapter, and she made a decision that her love would not be based on mere feelings. Rather than reading Paul’s words as lovely sentiment or tired poetry, for Shauna, they became a call to a fierce love — a battle cry based on the truth and a posture of grace and restraint.
Instead of remorse over his sin, Micah communicated only rejection. If the marriage was to be saved, the ball was entirely in Shauna’s court, so she employed the truths of I Corinthians 13 as her Love Filter. Responding in kindness, patience, and hope while rejecting rudeness, pride, and jealousy, she was free to persevere because I Corinthians 13 love never fails.
A Specific Calling
Shauna is very quick to say that not everyone will be called to fight as she did, and not every marriage on a broken planet is salvageable. However, her specific calling was to hang in there, to speak only to a few very close friends about her plight, and to expend all her energy in the direction of preserving that relationship.
“Second Marriage”
So completely was the Shanks’s marriage transformed, Shauna speaks of their first ten years pre-crisis as their “first marriage” (even though there was no legal breach) and the time since the reconciliation as the “second marriage.” The challenge facing you and me today, then, is to reject a “first marriage” mindset and to fight each day for that “second-marriage”-level of commitment to self-giving as a rescue for a failing marriage — or as a safe guard to an already stable and healthy marriage.
In reading Shauna’s courageous account of warrior-level faith, I gleaned five principles that seemed to be sign posts on her journey of fierce love:
1. Beware “blatant indifference.”
The roots of Micah’s cold detachment from a ten-year marriage can be traced to his troubled childhood coupled with the distraction of a competing love, but even so, Shauna admits she, too, had been practicing some behaviors that could also be considered “blatant indifference.” Binge-watching Netflix series, failing to prioritize time with Micah, and viewing the marriage as a utilitarian childcare arrangement also set the stage for weakened ties. Of course this does not excuse Micah’s infidelity but Shauna laments, “My sin may have looked different than Micah’s, but it was still sin.”
2. Find “Aaron and Hur” caliber support.
God provided two friends for Shauna who upheld her through the darkest days. So strong was her resolve to fight and so clear was her understanding that God was directing her toward reconciliation that she did not want to risk telling her family about their rift in order to keep them from turning against Micah. (She and Micah continued to live in the same house so to the outside observer, nothing had changed in the Shanks household.)
Shauna was not being abused or endangered, so she does not intend for her practice to be prescriptive for those who are in an abusive relationships. This is an important distinction given the tendency of abuse victims to hide unhealthy relationships out of shame or fear. With that firmly established, in a culture in which husband-bashing has become acceptable even in Christian circles, there’s a place for respectful silence about our spouse’s shortcomings as well as an honoring curtain of privacy sheltering a marriage relationship.
3. Refuse to receive the damaging effects of a wayward spouse’s rejection.
Shauna clung to the truth that God had already set a high value upon her, and this guarded her heart from dwelling on negative thoughts and helped to pull her out of depression and despair.
“The Bible instructs us to take our thoughts captive. We act as though we have no control over our thoughts . . . as if once they pop into our heads, we have to let them live there.
Take them captive. They will kill you.”
4. Chase after God.
If two people are determined to seek God faithfully, their marriage relationship will be impacted as well. Before working on her marriage, Shauna focused on her relationship with God and, mercifully, Micah’s heart for Shauna changed after his heart warmed once again to his Lord.
5. Take grace.
There’s a prideful rising up of the spirit that is death to relationships because it rejects the gracious offering of forgiveness. Shauna found that one of the obstacles to reconciliation was that, although she was willing to extend grace to Micah in a supernatural way — he had to become willing to receive it.
From a dark and oppressive place, Shauna trusted for grace, and God met her there. No matter what the state of your marriage (or even if you are single) there is merit in being reminded that when God becomes involved in the process of restoration, He does not merely patch us up or send us backward into a former thing. God’s work of redemption restores forward into a brand new and beautiful thing that only He can accomplish.
//
This book was provided by Zondervan through BookLook Bloggers in exchange for my review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
July 16, 2017
[Note: This book was provided free of charge by BookLook/Zondervan. All thoughts and opinions are my own.]
I found this book a lot more relevant than I thought I would at the outset. I am no stranger to reading about books concerning marriage written by men and women [1] that I consider to be of limited immediate personal relevance, but the more I read this book the more I realized that this book had a deep personal relevance to me and I was not very fond of it. Indeed, I could see myself as being extremely similar to the author's husband, and that realization was not necessarily a pleasant one for me, although it does not detract at all from the honesty the author has about this book about about her struggle to save her marriage in the face of her husband's expressed desire for a divorce. Having a great deal to identify with in the save childhood and generally estranged emotional affect of the author's husband, I found the author's approach towards reconciliation both immensely hopeful and more than a little bit troubling at the same time.
In somewhat more than 200 pages the author gives a memoir of her attempts to save the marriage, filled as they are with flashbacks as well as comments about the marriages of others. In framing her story as she does, the author examines her own flaws and failures in the marriage and also comments that not every marriage can or even should be saved in the face of a partner's abusive behavior or infidelity. This framing is important because the story the author tells is rather chilling. The author discusses the long-distance relationship the marriage came from and its difficulty in early years and the surprise at which the author was struck by the divorce when she thought everything was going alright. A great deal of time is spent with the author discussing her discretion in not causing news or gossip of the split to be widely voiced and in her use of relatives of her husband as a spiritual resource in trying to keep the marriage together. Particularly chilling and relevant, though, is the way that the author's husband is portrayed as being rather emotionally timid and restrained as a result of his survival from a horrific childhood in a broken family, and that is something I could easily identify with myself. The author's fierce desire to save the marriage and her refusal to give up on her troubled husband are admirable if rare qualities.
This book serves many purposes simultaneously and thus proves to be an admirable and deeply interesting work. In large part, this book is a memoir of the author's marriage at a dangerous point, showing how in some cases loyalty and devotion and love can win over the heart of an estranged spouse. The book also, though, has a great deal to do with the simultaneous wooing of the author by God as she realizes her own spiritual shortcomings and commits herself to a renewed relationship with God even as she seeks to save her marriage. If this narrative was not complicated enough, the author then adds to this story elements of spiritual warfare as she seeks to help her husband overcome his own emotional difficulties as a result of his abusive childhood so that he may better love his wife and children. The end result is a book that was far more relevant than I had any reason to believe it, and the sort of book to encourage those who struggle in their own marriages with the effects of destructive childhood and the problems of prolonged spiritual warfare.
[1] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2015...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2017...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2017...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2015...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...
July 17, 2019
Oh my! This book rocked me to my core. This book, Shauna’s story of how God rescued and restored not only her marriage, but her faith, her husband’s faith and their family, is for everyone. Whether you’re in a failing marriage or not. My favorite chapter was the last one - how that God is ABLE to do so much more than we can even dream up.
As I read this book, I started doing an in-depth study of 1 Corinthians 13. I felt challenged to live by the truths found there, to live with a “1 Corinthians 13 Love Filter”. And I’m still learning. Still being nailed to the wall about my heart’s motives and intentions in my relationships.
I highly recommend this book. To everyone.
Favorite quote (although there were many - I highlighted and underlined a lot, which is the mark of a really good book!) -
“The human soul works and labors and strives to find happiness. I am convinced you could have the best job, the most beautiful family, and a six-figure salary, fame, and success, but without the Creator inhabiting the heart of the created, something is going to be lacking. But with God, fulfillment comes. Today I am living in an aligned reality, the one God dreamed up. His original intent. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over.”
Thank you, Shauna, for sharing your story!
As I read this book, I started doing an in-depth study of 1 Corinthians 13. I felt challenged to live by the truths found there, to live with a “1 Corinthians 13 Love Filter”. And I’m still learning. Still being nailed to the wall about my heart’s motives and intentions in my relationships.
I highly recommend this book. To everyone.
Favorite quote (although there were many - I highlighted and underlined a lot, which is the mark of a really good book!) -
“The human soul works and labors and strives to find happiness. I am convinced you could have the best job, the most beautiful family, and a six-figure salary, fame, and success, but without the Creator inhabiting the heart of the created, something is going to be lacking. But with God, fulfillment comes. Today I am living in an aligned reality, the one God dreamed up. His original intent. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over.”
Thank you, Shauna, for sharing your story!
July 15, 2017
Shauna Shanks is transparent regarding her unique journey back to God, as she fought for her marriage. I expected this to be a memoir of the events surrounding her marriage, but it was so much more. Shanks shares spiritual wisdom and insight for all people. Be prepared to have some quiet moments with God as you read Shanks reflections and findings. #immeasurablymore #oneperson #greatestlovestoryofall #thepursuit #favor #nobluffimg #nothingtolose #basking #therewillbepain #guardyourthoughts #words #lovefilter #1Corinthians13
July 24, 2024
I hate giving star ratings to someone true story but if I had to it’s a 4 stars. I found this book inspirational. Instead of hate Shanna gave her husband infidelity to God to restore her marriage. This book should be used in marriage counseling. I know this book would of helped me during the breakup of my marriage. So glad I read this! Highly recommend!!
July 2, 2017
In this book Shauna Shanks brings the reader along side of her as she recounts the devastating revelation that her husband has had an affair and wants a divorce. It's heartbreaking to hear her story and all the ways her world was turned upside down. I enjoyed reading this and found her to be very open when talking about loving her husband despite his hostility toward her. It was encouraging for anyone who finds themselves in a desert place to hear her tell about the many ways God revealed Himself to her and healed her heart. I think it is more a love story about her, her husband, and God than anything else. I struggled a bit when she spoke about reconciling regardless of her husband's lack of desire to do so. In the end I learned a lot from her story. In the lives of believers God asks us to do things which are contrary to our nature and just plain difficult. Reading Shauna's account of loving her husband to reconciliation is one of those stories. Without a doubt God showed up in her life and changed both her and her husband's hearts and they came out of it with a stronger marriage and relationship with the Lord. This book is convicting, hard at times, and encouraging. Thank you Shauna Shanks for sharing your story and being vulnerable so that others may be encouraged.
January 7, 2022
I wasn't looking for this book, it found me! Then as I read, I developed a better understanding of God's love and the faith we must have in Him. Imagine being madly in love with someone, then imagine that same love amplified towards you, that's God's love! I will definitely re-read this 🥰
July 18, 2017
Really good! Not a professional author, so the writing is like 7 out of 10, but the story and her truth nuggets are so worth the read!
December 20, 2020
This is a story of how a tragic event (a husband’s affair and wish for a divorce) brought a wife closer to God, transforming herself, her husband, and family. Shanks had a fervent faith in God and in her marriage. She believes in “a fierce love” that fights and shows that God’s love is as such and our love should aspire to be more in this way (113). Hers is a story of perseverance and dedication; it is a story that is bigger than the issue of saving a marriage. Shanks’ story can give energy and inspiration for a variety of struggles, not merely marital problems and that is what makes a good story, one that speaks to various people and situations. Through this journey she comes to better understand herself and her husband who had both gotten estranged from God in various degrees. While for me she seemed so religious before this dreadful event, she explains that she hadn’t been fully dedicated to God. I have always been skeptical of quick divorces, just feeling like something is being thrown away, that people are disposable, so I was drawn to read the book.
Although I acknowledged the suffering that could happen in broken relationships and was also of the view that it was best to run away from pain, Shanks shows a really different perspective, one where travesties can be opportunities for spiritual growth and alignment. Indeed she is of the mind that these bad events happen because there was a spiritual misalignment. She declares that we look for Mr. Right, implying Mr. Perfect. She points out the error of expecting fifty-fifty with the great analogy of how we view parental love where parents give more than their children and because they are children we view this as normal. So, she challenges us to think of our marriages in this way. Moreover, she states that God is the fixer of broken hearts. It is not about the spouse fixing your hurt, but something greater. She says God is “the changer of hearts” (219). This is to say that with God, spirit, there is dynamic healing, transformation.
Shanks details how in deeply turning to God her faith in believing her husband will change is sustained and she is met with spiritual signs guiding her. She touches on her clarity with her husband’s childhood background (a Mother who was a drug addict, left alone at age five for several days…143) that taught him to emotionally withdraw. “As a little boy he had perfected the skill of building up walls to escape all the horrors of that life. As he built up walls, he would learn to escape to a place where he would feel nothing…I suspect he went back to that place of building up walls after disappointment had crept into our marriage. Eventually, he stopped hoping for more, because he had already perfected the skill of not being disappointed or hurt…I think he had loved me as much as could up to that moment. …I realize now that accepting his apathy was not loving at all. I had no faith in God to change our situation. …”(180-181). Demons are even mentioned. Negative thoughts are presented as the devil talking, trying to get at you. This was a very interesting perspective. Even bad spirits in the house is discussed. Apparently there was evil energy in her basement. Oddly there were three stars drawn on the blackboard down there by her mother-in-law who she always felt a negative vibe from, and when church people came to cleanse the house, they pointed those stars out… She recounts how she felt her husband was “under spiritual attack” (178) and she gets word from God that the problem is bigger than the affair- ultimately the problem is a lack of disconnect from God and this marital problem is serving as the vehicle to get back to God—very interesting view. She mentions too how there can be intergenerational trauma/illness where an illness or wounds repeat and repeat. Again, very insightful, giving different views on how we would standardly evaluate relationship problems. A lot of this story is also about a small group of religious people who helped her get through this challenge, believing also that God would fix this.
Shanks early on takes her love approach to fully challenge herself: “What if I showed patience to people who make a complete nuisance of themselves? What if I forgave that person who offended me instead of holding onto bitterness? What if I responded kindly to someone when they were downright wrong or rude? What if I disregarded my own vulnerability and lavished love on someone even at the risk of being rejected? What if I turned my attention to a complete stranger? What if I disregarded cultural and political lines and sincerely loved people simply because they are created by God”(117). There is something so challenging in that. This week, December 2020, in our local paper a villager wrote about how America needs the slogan “Make America Kind Again.”
Another moment of different perspective that still has me thinking was how she shares a church worksheet on weakness that had a point about how “some of the greatest spiritual virtues are displayed in weakness. Weakness brings out the beset in us. There are powerful spiritual virtues that never come to the surface as long as we bluff our way through life, depending on our strengths to survive”(154). Moreover, it can be the weakness that makes the victory so thrilling, as with David and Goliath (154). Also it is when we are in bad times (weak) that we turn to God. A weakness in one part of us creates a strength in another- just as in our physical body where if one leg is weak, the other leg becomes stronger (153).
She also touches on a spiritual scholar, Timothy Jorgensen Spirit Life in Training who claims that in her words “our emotions are the most vocal part of our soul”. This book apparently talks about godly and ungodly emotions. “Our part is to express and release emotions in a way that is in alignment with God’s thoughts and feelings. We are to use our emotions as fuel for good works to the glory of God. When we do that , our emotions can be incredibly effective” Furthermore Jorgensen advocates training our emotions to do this (209). This passage got me thinking of how this connects to creative work, especially regarding writing about a personal history of racism or of writing of painful events.
I would recommend reading this book. It was a bit hard to jump over the constant referrals to God as masculine and there were a lot of Christian referrals- talks or rock music. I enjoyed the quotes from the bible. Moreover, the author does believe in divorce and even sees it as a way to return to God. She acknowledges that God has different plans for all of us. This seems a different genre. It is not in the ‘miracle’ category of book, but rather her story shows the hard work in order to enter a spiritual state, a state of grace and then yes the rewards come.
Although I acknowledged the suffering that could happen in broken relationships and was also of the view that it was best to run away from pain, Shanks shows a really different perspective, one where travesties can be opportunities for spiritual growth and alignment. Indeed she is of the mind that these bad events happen because there was a spiritual misalignment. She declares that we look for Mr. Right, implying Mr. Perfect. She points out the error of expecting fifty-fifty with the great analogy of how we view parental love where parents give more than their children and because they are children we view this as normal. So, she challenges us to think of our marriages in this way. Moreover, she states that God is the fixer of broken hearts. It is not about the spouse fixing your hurt, but something greater. She says God is “the changer of hearts” (219). This is to say that with God, spirit, there is dynamic healing, transformation.
Shanks details how in deeply turning to God her faith in believing her husband will change is sustained and she is met with spiritual signs guiding her. She touches on her clarity with her husband’s childhood background (a Mother who was a drug addict, left alone at age five for several days…143) that taught him to emotionally withdraw. “As a little boy he had perfected the skill of building up walls to escape all the horrors of that life. As he built up walls, he would learn to escape to a place where he would feel nothing…I suspect he went back to that place of building up walls after disappointment had crept into our marriage. Eventually, he stopped hoping for more, because he had already perfected the skill of not being disappointed or hurt…I think he had loved me as much as could up to that moment. …I realize now that accepting his apathy was not loving at all. I had no faith in God to change our situation. …”(180-181). Demons are even mentioned. Negative thoughts are presented as the devil talking, trying to get at you. This was a very interesting perspective. Even bad spirits in the house is discussed. Apparently there was evil energy in her basement. Oddly there were three stars drawn on the blackboard down there by her mother-in-law who she always felt a negative vibe from, and when church people came to cleanse the house, they pointed those stars out… She recounts how she felt her husband was “under spiritual attack” (178) and she gets word from God that the problem is bigger than the affair- ultimately the problem is a lack of disconnect from God and this marital problem is serving as the vehicle to get back to God—very interesting view. She mentions too how there can be intergenerational trauma/illness where an illness or wounds repeat and repeat. Again, very insightful, giving different views on how we would standardly evaluate relationship problems. A lot of this story is also about a small group of religious people who helped her get through this challenge, believing also that God would fix this.
Shanks early on takes her love approach to fully challenge herself: “What if I showed patience to people who make a complete nuisance of themselves? What if I forgave that person who offended me instead of holding onto bitterness? What if I responded kindly to someone when they were downright wrong or rude? What if I disregarded my own vulnerability and lavished love on someone even at the risk of being rejected? What if I turned my attention to a complete stranger? What if I disregarded cultural and political lines and sincerely loved people simply because they are created by God”(117). There is something so challenging in that. This week, December 2020, in our local paper a villager wrote about how America needs the slogan “Make America Kind Again.”
Another moment of different perspective that still has me thinking was how she shares a church worksheet on weakness that had a point about how “some of the greatest spiritual virtues are displayed in weakness. Weakness brings out the beset in us. There are powerful spiritual virtues that never come to the surface as long as we bluff our way through life, depending on our strengths to survive”(154). Moreover, it can be the weakness that makes the victory so thrilling, as with David and Goliath (154). Also it is when we are in bad times (weak) that we turn to God. A weakness in one part of us creates a strength in another- just as in our physical body where if one leg is weak, the other leg becomes stronger (153).
She also touches on a spiritual scholar, Timothy Jorgensen Spirit Life in Training who claims that in her words “our emotions are the most vocal part of our soul”. This book apparently talks about godly and ungodly emotions. “Our part is to express and release emotions in a way that is in alignment with God’s thoughts and feelings. We are to use our emotions as fuel for good works to the glory of God. When we do that , our emotions can be incredibly effective” Furthermore Jorgensen advocates training our emotions to do this (209). This passage got me thinking of how this connects to creative work, especially regarding writing about a personal history of racism or of writing of painful events.
I would recommend reading this book. It was a bit hard to jump over the constant referrals to God as masculine and there were a lot of Christian referrals- talks or rock music. I enjoyed the quotes from the bible. Moreover, the author does believe in divorce and even sees it as a way to return to God. She acknowledges that God has different plans for all of us. This seems a different genre. It is not in the ‘miracle’ category of book, but rather her story shows the hard work in order to enter a spiritual state, a state of grace and then yes the rewards come.
July 31, 2019
Amazing story of grace and restoration
I saw an interview with the author by accident and was so taken by her and her true story that I purchased the book. I am so glad to had found it and will likely read it again and will recommend it to friends. Her transparency is real and her faith in God shines through. It is a good read for anyone who is planning to be married someday, is married, or who is in a marriage that is in crises. I have highlighted her words until the book practically glows. She exhibits how God gives us His grace and in turn we can extend grace to others even in the direst of circumstances as she did to her husband even though he had an affair as asked for a divorce. Some would say she was weak or a fool, but I understand the amazing strength she had to find to do it. She listened to God and He worked it all for their good.
I saw an interview with the author by accident and was so taken by her and her true story that I purchased the book. I am so glad to had found it and will likely read it again and will recommend it to friends. Her transparency is real and her faith in God shines through. It is a good read for anyone who is planning to be married someday, is married, or who is in a marriage that is in crises. I have highlighted her words until the book practically glows. She exhibits how God gives us His grace and in turn we can extend grace to others even in the direst of circumstances as she did to her husband even though he had an affair as asked for a divorce. Some would say she was weak or a fool, but I understand the amazing strength she had to find to do it. She listened to God and He worked it all for their good.
February 28, 2017
I can't stop reading this book. A Fierce Love by Shauna Shanks is very different from other book about this subject. This book makes me cry and smile at the same time. It's not only about infidelity but about God's love, spiritual warfare, worship, grace, trust In God, learn how to listen to His voice, and much more. I can relate to so much of this book. Well worth a read! Please do not hesitate to buy this book.
Thank you so much Shauna Shanks for writing this book and I'm so glad I found it. Please write another book. I will definitely read it.
I received a copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for my honest review.
Thank you so much Shauna Shanks for writing this book and I'm so glad I found it. Please write another book. I will definitely read it.
I received a copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for my honest review.
March 7, 2017
This awesome book is one of the most honest and authentic books I've read. Her struggle to save her marriage and keep loving her husband is an excellent example for God's power to change our hearts if we draw near Him and do what He says.
It also shows how God uses small things and other persons to encourage us, how he prepares us for everything we have to go through, how he works everything to our good, even if we don't see it.
Life isn't easy, but we're not alone. God cares and He loves us more than we can imagine.
It also shows how God uses small things and other persons to encourage us, how he prepares us for everything we have to go through, how he works everything to our good, even if we don't see it.
Life isn't easy, but we're not alone. God cares and He loves us more than we can imagine.
August 13, 2019
A Fierce Love
This was a wonderful book by Mrs. Shanks. I enjoyed reading her journey of fierce love using 1 Corinthians 13 as her love filter. I recommend this book to any married couple whether there as infidelity or not because the truths she learned can definitely be applied to all married couples.
This was a wonderful book by Mrs. Shanks. I enjoyed reading her journey of fierce love using 1 Corinthians 13 as her love filter. I recommend this book to any married couple whether there as infidelity or not because the truths she learned can definitely be applied to all married couples.
September 30, 2020
In this first book from Shauna Shanks, she invites us into the most heartbreaking event of her life. In 2013 her husband asked her for a divorce and had an affair. She transparently presents her journey from lukewarm Christian, mom, and wife who defined herself as “comfortable in her box” to a woman deeply in love with her God and her husband.
Although I have not been through the experiences Shauna writes about I still found myself relating to her journey. Shauna pointed out that she found her story mirrored in scripture because it was about much more than her marriage. God was pursuing her heart, her husband’s heart, and even their marriage.
As much as this book is about Shauna’s response to her husband and God after learning her husband wanted a divorce, it’s also about all God taught her. How he guided her, and spoke to her.
“An amazing thing had happened, but in the trenches of my despair, I didn’t recognize the miracle. I was so desperate to have something to hold onto that I reacted to the words he spoke, but I failed to pause and rejoice in the simple fact that God was speaking. It was amazing. But what was truly a wonder, and what hadn’t happened much of my whole adult life, was that God was speaking and I heard him.”
Shauna explains how God guided her to filter her words and actions through 1 Corinthians 13 (the love chapter). How she learned to walk through the hardest and scariest part of her life with a deepening love of Jesus and a growing hunger for the pursuit of him.
There were moments where I was angry for Shauna, feeling frustrated that her story was one of reconciliation. As she pointed out, that was the harder path. Walking away would have seemed less painful than the one God was calling her to, still, it was the one she not only desired, it was the one God had promised her would be healed.
Shauna’s story has me looking for places in my life I am living lukewarm and re-evaluating them.
I am looking for the subtle ways God is pursuing me. I don’t want to miss his voice. Thanks for A Fierce Love I have a renewed perspective on this.
Although I have not been through the experiences Shauna writes about I still found myself relating to her journey. Shauna pointed out that she found her story mirrored in scripture because it was about much more than her marriage. God was pursuing her heart, her husband’s heart, and even their marriage.
As much as this book is about Shauna’s response to her husband and God after learning her husband wanted a divorce, it’s also about all God taught her. How he guided her, and spoke to her.
“An amazing thing had happened, but in the trenches of my despair, I didn’t recognize the miracle. I was so desperate to have something to hold onto that I reacted to the words he spoke, but I failed to pause and rejoice in the simple fact that God was speaking. It was amazing. But what was truly a wonder, and what hadn’t happened much of my whole adult life, was that God was speaking and I heard him.”
Shauna explains how God guided her to filter her words and actions through 1 Corinthians 13 (the love chapter). How she learned to walk through the hardest and scariest part of her life with a deepening love of Jesus and a growing hunger for the pursuit of him.
There were moments where I was angry for Shauna, feeling frustrated that her story was one of reconciliation. As she pointed out, that was the harder path. Walking away would have seemed less painful than the one God was calling her to, still, it was the one she not only desired, it was the one God had promised her would be healed.
Shauna’s story has me looking for places in my life I am living lukewarm and re-evaluating them.
I am looking for the subtle ways God is pursuing me. I don’t want to miss his voice. Thanks for A Fierce Love I have a renewed perspective on this.
October 22, 2017
A Fierce Love is Shauna Shanks’ true story of how she tried to keep her marriage together after her husband’s affair. She turned to God for help and was led to apply what she calls “The Love Filter” to her relationship with her husband. It was a difficult journey as she tried to live out I Corinthians 13, often known as the “love chapter of the Bible,” in the face of her husband’s attitude toward her on a daily basis, ranging from indifference to emotional cruelty.
Shauna found that she had to focus on her own relationship with God first and rely on God to work on her husband’s heart. She lays out in detail the struggle she went through and the pleasure she now takes in her new relationship with her husband.
The author makes it clear that God told her to stay with her husband, but she does not think that is a blanket response for every marriage. She does not criticize those who feel God is leading them in a different direction or that they have no other choice given their circumstances.
A Fierce Love is a frank discussion of one Christian’s response to infidelity. I found it difficult to read because of the emotional pain the author endured, but at the same time the style of writing makes you feel like you are sitting down with a friend over coffee. Her struggles become your struggles as you go through the journey with her. Also I should add that the Biblical principles she discovers about drawing near to God and trusting Him apply to all Christians who seek a closer walk with God.
I would like to extend my thanks to netgalley.com and to Zondervon for giving me the opportunity to read this book in exchange for an honest review.
Shauna found that she had to focus on her own relationship with God first and rely on God to work on her husband’s heart. She lays out in detail the struggle she went through and the pleasure she now takes in her new relationship with her husband.
The author makes it clear that God told her to stay with her husband, but she does not think that is a blanket response for every marriage. She does not criticize those who feel God is leading them in a different direction or that they have no other choice given their circumstances.
A Fierce Love is a frank discussion of one Christian’s response to infidelity. I found it difficult to read because of the emotional pain the author endured, but at the same time the style of writing makes you feel like you are sitting down with a friend over coffee. Her struggles become your struggles as you go through the journey with her. Also I should add that the Biblical principles she discovers about drawing near to God and trusting Him apply to all Christians who seek a closer walk with God.
I would like to extend my thanks to netgalley.com and to Zondervon for giving me the opportunity to read this book in exchange for an honest review.
July 28, 2017
I am passionate about marriage. I have been for over twenty years. I love to read about marriage, especially real-life stories like Shauna's. I am thankful for her obedience in writing this particular book; I would think it was not easy. I would recommend this book to two specific groups of people. First, I would recommend it to people - men or women - whose marriage is currently in crisis. Shauna tells the story of her marriage crisis with candor and honesty - and with hope. Hope permeates every page of this book. The second group of people I would recommend it to are people who mentor married couples. Shauna gives excellent suggestions throughout the book that I know would be useful in any marriage mentoring session, not just when a marriage is in trouble. Finally, I do think anyone who loves reading memoirs would enjoy reading this book as well. The subject is difficult, yes - but again, Shauna infuses hope into her words. She is an engaging author whose desire to follow the Lord and His will for her life is inspiring.
November 23, 2017
Wow. Wow. And wow!!!!!!
I bought the book for someone when I was only half way through. I'm going to advertise it to my friends and make sure my daughters read it someday, and maybe my sons too. This is life changing even if you're living close to God's way already because it touches about every perspective we should have and may have missed, all through talking about her own personal thinking process for herself. She beautifully paints the best way. This is easily one of the best books of my life. She describes how we should live. She is very clear that sticking with her husband was God's call on HER life, but knows it's not that way for everyone. God loves the heart of his children more than he loves the idea of marriage if the marriage is destructive. Even if someone has lost their marriage, this book is still good to read in showing one how to live and it would still be encouraging even for them. It's the sermon we all need to hear packed into a true story, and we know how Jesus loves to teach through stories. :)
I bought the book for someone when I was only half way through. I'm going to advertise it to my friends and make sure my daughters read it someday, and maybe my sons too. This is life changing even if you're living close to God's way already because it touches about every perspective we should have and may have missed, all through talking about her own personal thinking process for herself. She beautifully paints the best way. This is easily one of the best books of my life. She describes how we should live. She is very clear that sticking with her husband was God's call on HER life, but knows it's not that way for everyone. God loves the heart of his children more than he loves the idea of marriage if the marriage is destructive. Even if someone has lost their marriage, this book is still good to read in showing one how to live and it would still be encouraging even for them. It's the sermon we all need to hear packed into a true story, and we know how Jesus loves to teach through stories. :)
December 31, 2021
Over all I enjoyed this book a ton. Shared all of my highlights. After being through something similar with my husband, together 10 years married for 6 years. No real excuse why something like this happens. Either you try again or you don’t. I opted to give it another shot and it has made our marriage stronger, love stronger, I get where she said it’s it’s like a first marriage and a second marriage and I definitely agree and could say the same thing as well. I thought everything was fine until one day it wasn’t. Every day I have negative thoughts, and positive thoughts but I can’t let those negative thoughts, or demons get to me. I can’t think negatively about thing that happen or have happened. Only that I’m me, and he’s him. I can’t think I caused him to do this, that it was my fault. Thank you for writing this and since we both live in the same town I hope to meet you eventually Shauna.
August 29, 2022
2.5 stars
Full disclosure I am not a person of faith though at times,pre-Trump Administration, I had envied the faithfull.I never wish to be unkind especially in the face of such terrible suffering, but friends I find myself pretty much speechless. Her s.o. admits to an affair and doubles down with extreme cruelty,insisting that he never loved her nor was he even ever attracted to her.No details of the affair are given but for her singular impression much later upon Identifying her.She then torments herself with the knowledge this woman was her physical ideal...everything she wishes she were.She also begins to take personal blame for his affair,attributing their downfall to her shortcomings.She does have an interesting theory on how his rough childhood and associated psychological trauma and damage affected his psyche in the present...explaining his numb state\shut down and penchant for cruelty. But the most Gobs-smaking claim was the one of spiritual warfare in the form of a Demonic presence left in the basement by his deranged drug addict mother She essentially attributes this Demonic control to the current state of her husband and marriage.Even more startling ,this whole thing resolves in three short months.They are back together for a fresh start...Miraculous....🤔😂🤷 Also of note,quite slow moving and heavy dependent on the verses.
In any event,despite my queries and state of confused disbelief,I truly wish her happiness and all the best.
Full disclosure I am not a person of faith though at times,pre-Trump Administration, I had envied the faithfull.I never wish to be unkind especially in the face of such terrible suffering, but friends I find myself pretty much speechless. Her s.o. admits to an affair and doubles down with extreme cruelty,insisting that he never loved her nor was he even ever attracted to her.No details of the affair are given but for her singular impression much later upon Identifying her.She then torments herself with the knowledge this woman was her physical ideal...everything she wishes she were.She also begins to take personal blame for his affair,attributing their downfall to her shortcomings.She does have an interesting theory on how his rough childhood and associated psychological trauma and damage affected his psyche in the present...explaining his numb state\shut down and penchant for cruelty. But the most Gobs-smaking claim was the one of spiritual warfare in the form of a Demonic presence left in the basement by his deranged drug addict mother She essentially attributes this Demonic control to the current state of her husband and marriage.Even more startling ,this whole thing resolves in three short months.They are back together for a fresh start...Miraculous....🤔😂🤷 Also of note,quite slow moving and heavy dependent on the verses.
In any event,despite my queries and state of confused disbelief,I truly wish her happiness and all the best.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 4, 2018
Do you have relationship struggles? Not just with your spouse? As I read this book, time and time again I found tools and encouragement to fight for those in my life and a new way to love them. Thankfully I'm in a season where my husband and I have a good relationship. This book opened my eyes to weak spots that need to be strengthened. I have other relationships that are going through a hard spell and "A Fierce Love" has not only encouraged me to stay and fight, but also reignited the belief that things can change for the better. I will be honest before reading this book, mentally I believed God could change and heal those relationships but I didn't believe it in my heart and I sure wasn't living that way. Thank you Shauna Shanks for sharing your story!!!
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