Ugly Ways: The Bestselling Darkly Humorous Family Drama of Grief, Death, and the Afterlife

Mulberry, Georgia #2

by Tina McElroy Ansa

The bestselling tale-powerful, compassionate, humorous-of the three Lovejoy sisters reunited in their hometown of Mulberry, Georgia, on the occasion of their mother’s death. As the emotionally scarred Lovejoys prepare for their mother’s funeral, the spirit of the selfish and manipulative Mudear hovers above them, complaining about her daughters’ “ugly ways” in death as she did in life.

Genres: Fiction, African American, Literature, Novels, African American Literature, Adult Fiction, Contemporary

288 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1993

About the author

Tina McElroy Ansa was an American novelist, filmmaker, teacher, businesswoman and journalist. Her work appeared in the Los Angeles Times, Newsday,The Atlanta Constitution, Florida Times-Union, Essence Magazine, The Crisis, Ms. Magazine, America Magazine, and Atlanta Magazine.

Reviews

[Mahoghani 23]

Now this is a real situation that may have occurred in some households. The story is narrated amongst five characters in the story; the Lovejoy family and their idiosyncrasies. The urban storyline is harsh but not without its areas of humor. It deals with emotional destruction of the human mind, vanity, adolescence lost, no real paternal guidance from anyone except another sibling and most of all.....a mother's love.

Betty, Emily & Annie Ruth meet in Mulberry, GA to bury their mother. As in most cases, family members will discuss truths and issues they had with the decease right before the funeral. However, Mudear has decided she's not finished yet with these daughters of hers and adds her ten cents to the story. Also Ernest, their father has his say as well. There are multiple issues with their mother (Mudear); mixed and pent up feelings towards Mudear; anger, hatred, love, psychologically emotional and few others. This family is the townspeople most gossip about.

Mrs. Ansa wrote a very descriptive, humorous, painful, sad, angry, chic-lit book. She brought the characters to life in a real way that you could relate with them. She dissected the hearts of these three women to give us insight about why they're the way they are, who made them that way and the end result of their lives. An excellent story writer that can probably crossover into other genres without losing her style of writing.

[Diana Townsend · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book blew my mind. I know that historically, Black women were considered "super moms". That was, of course, generally speaking. So, Tina Ansa decided to write about a mother who was not a super mom. Unfortunately, she is not a mother at all. She is a hateful, spiteful, bitter tyrant who rules over her household until the day she dies. Her daughters are so consumed with her crazy ways that they slowly go crazy themselves until her death frees them. Even though we find out why Mudear changes, I just could not feel any sympathy for her. No one has the right to just stop raising their children and esp. not over a trifling man.

I love the complexities of this book, the drama, and going back to Mulberry. It is a great read and definitely explores mothering in a different aspect.

[Lydia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great sister book. If you have sisters or wish you did this is an interesting read. If you thought your mother was/is something to deal with this story will make you rethink that. Ansa writes a sensitive, revealing, story about the closeness of sisters, the strained relationships between family, and how living with someone that you know has mental problems affects how one functions in their own life. Much of Tina McElroy Ansa's phraseology reminded me of growing up, interactions with family and how communicating with family is different from communicating with any one else in your life.

My only problem with this novel was not understanding why their mother was the way she was.

[Dunori · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 round up. This might be the only book that I ever started to read, put down for a good while, then came back to, starting over from the beginning because the hiatus had been so long that I forgot what I read in it originally. I believe I dropped it during my first attempt because I didn’t find much interesting in the opening few pages, but this time I told myself I’d tackle the whole thing since I dislike leaving things unfinished. I am glad that I did because chapter 6 is where it started to get pretty good, remaining so for most of the rest of the book, and it was kinda kool from the reading to eventually determine who was who on the cover. It also concluded with a vivid & entertaining ending.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

pretty cool read. Read it in a day.

[Carrie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I thought I was going to enjoy this book. It's well-written enough to keep me reading to the end--I usually stop reading books that I don't enjoy.

This is a story about three thirty-something sisters who return to the small town of Mulberry GA to attend their (crazy? controlling) mother's funeral. It's about their relationship with their mother and each other and all the pain and anger they have about the way they were raised.

I kept reading this book because I was really hoping for some closure, or forgiveness, or growth, or something to dispel the anger that this book is filled with, but it just seemed to end the way it started.

I think there is a sequel to this book but I can't imagine that it answers any of these issues. I'll have to read other people's reviews to find out.

[BookOfCinz · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book, it had all the makes of a masterpiece but it fell short chapter by chapter. I felt the author should have done a better job of developing the characters, there was no depth to them so they came off as three whiny girls. At one point I got so frustrated with the constant complaining I was ready to end the book. I just felt the book was really surface level and could have been better.

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was just plain ole laugh out loud funny!

[Jeanette · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as good as her other books, but still worth reading.

[Rasma Haidri · Rating 2 out of 5]

It had its merits content-wise, but was not a joy to read.

[Diane Rembert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sisters Betty, Emily and Annie Ruth Lovejoy come together to bury their mother. Their mourning includes a trip down memory lane and many pent up feelings.

What I found interesting is the mother's POV from the afterlife. At times it made me laugh and others, it gave me a clearer understanding of the effect Esther had on her family.

If I had to choose a favorite character, it would be Betty. She stepped up to the plate for everyone in her family at a tender age, and continued to do so throughout their lives. Now, my least favorite character definitely goes to Esther. You'll have to read the book to understand why.

[TRXTRMXTR · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was an intimate family drama between three sisters who have to bury their mother in the South. Lots of 1990s vibes and socio-political back-drop to small town life.

[Hickman Students · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ugly Ways chronicles the experience of three sisters in the wake of their mother's death. Mudear, as they have referred to her since childhood, has always been a figure which inspired her daughters with mixed emotions - fear, longing, gratitude, inadequacy, hatred. Now her spirit lingers on, ripe with criticism of her daughters and their "ugly ways" as they scramble to put together her funeral. It's a story about the bruise left by family, about stereotypes, and about the haunting within our own souls. Anyone who has ever had relatives can relate to this vivid and honest novel.

Reviewed by:
Kristen
Class of 2010

[Felicia (Ferishia) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, I didn't expect to like this. I just picked it for my book club thinking it would be something fast to read. However, as I got into it, the more it appealed to me.

Three sisters, Emily, Betty, and Annie Ruth have to face the fact that their mother has died. They along with their father prepare for her funeral.

There was funny moments along with the sad and insightful. Made me think of my own mother and her mortality, since she is getting up in years.

I would definitely recommend.

[Shanika Carter · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a rough read for me, personally, at first. In fact, I didn't finish it in time for my book club meeting, but I wanted to finish it and I did. I think the story improved more near the end, as I saw the characters begin to open up about their individual relationships with or feelings for Mudear, but I felt there were still a couple of things unanswered once I finished. I do have another book by the author on my bookshelf that I plan to read one day to see if I find the writing style to be similar.

[Mahogany Bookworm · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was okay...

I liked the bond of the sisters but I think Mudear's character could have been better developed. She seemed flat and her "change" wasn't explored enough. Her chapters beyond the grave were funny. It ended abruptly.

[Mayastlpmc · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book.

[Jeanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Suggested by my intern, Erika Turner, this book was a nice story with a simple one-dimensional tale of three sisters and the death of their mother.

[Dana Veronica · Rating 1 out of 5]

pointless

A pointless read! It was nothing to this book maybe I missed something! They kept talking about the change smh

[Greg Chandler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Three daughters converge on the family home when Mudear (Muther Dear) dies.
As such occasions do, the death of Mudear causes her daughters to reminisce and reconsider their familial relationships. The narration of the novel shifts among the sisters as they each fight to come to terms with their mother's neglect, abuse and cruelty. To be fair, Mudear (and the almost silent father) have their say as well.

Their father was a rough man, who drank with friends (and lovers) instead of coming home to his family and who was not above slapping his wife around when she displeased him. He is the breadwinner and the ruler in "his" house. She turns the tables on him, when he is unable to pay the bills that justify his tyranny. From that point on, Mudear decided to do only what she wanted to do. It started one night when she stayed in bed, not making dinner, leaving it to the oldest daughter to provide. Bologna and graham cracker sandwiches, because the bread was out of reach for the 11-year old.

Betty, as many oldest daughters do, took on the role of mother to her younger sisters, as more and more chores got left to her. Mudear, despite choosing not to do anything, continued to hold the reigns, but telling everyone what to do and complaining that nothing was ever done to specifications. The weight of chores and housekeeping helped keep the children isolated as they could rarely get away to see friends and their friends were not allowed into the house.

The house was Mudear's realm. For decades, she never left the house, except to tend her garden in the back yard, which she only did at night. She became a talented gardening, excelling at nurturing plants while refusing to nurture family. She's known as crazy around the small town, as are her daughters, a stigma that they accept as just.

Yet these women have not given up or given in. One has a government job, another has made a small fortune from hard work as owner of two beauty parlors, and the third is a famous news anchor. With Mudear's advice not to count on men,. and the warning that no man will ever give a shit about you, along with the example of their philandering father, the sisters have not been graced with a model of a successful marriage, or any parenting model they want to follow.

When the youngest sister, arrives unmarried and pregnant and announces her intention of keeping the baby, it breaks a vow the sisters made years ago. Given her fragile mental state - overwhelmed by the death of Mudear and a terrified response to seeing phantom cats - it seems like an unlikely choice. But it also seems like the first sign of hope for a brighter future.

The characters are richly drawn and engaging. Even Mudear, who is presented as a model for toxic relationships, has redeeming qualities. Part of the sister's pain is not caused by Mudear's total self-absorption and lack of caring or concern for here children, but by the visceral need all three women still have for their mothers love and appreciation, which was always withheld and now buried with her.

[Anni · Rating 2 out of 5]

Buch 3 aus der Kategorie „Auf dem Dachboden meiner Eltern gefunden“ und wenn ich ehrlich sein soll, hätte ich das Buch am liebsten abgebrochen, aber ich „brauchte“ es für mein Vorhaben, 2021 noch die 100 gelesenen Bücher zu schaffen.

Die Grundidee klingt eigentlich ganz interessant: Ich wollte es vor allem deswegen lesen, weil ich in meiner Lektüreauswahl diverser werden und meinen Horizont erweitern will.

Nach Beenden kann ich aber ganz gut verstehen, dass das Buch fast zwanzig Jahre auf unserem Dachboden versauert ist und meine Mama es mittlerweile aussortiert hat. Auch aus meinem Regal wird es wieder ausziehen.

Doch worum geht es überhaupt?
Es geht um die drei PoC-Lovejoy Schwestern Betty, Emily und Annie-Ruth, die in ihren Heimatort Mulberry zurückkehren, als ihre Mudear verstirbt. Während die Vorbereitungen für die Beerdigung laufen, muss sich jede der drei auf ihre eigene Art, aber dennoch auch gemeinsam mit den anderen beiden, mit der Beziehung zur Mutter und die Einflüsse auf sie als Person(en) auseinandersetzen, während diese von oben die Geschehnisse mitverfolgt.

Das fand ich eigentlich ganz interessant, gerade in Anbetracht dessen, dass die Mädchen in den sechziger und siebziger Jahren in den USA aufwachsen und eine interessante Erziehung erhalten haben. Und ich glaube, genau das war auch mein Problem. Ich fand Mudear als Person und ihre dadurch resultierenden Erziehungsmethoden wirklich furchtbar und ätzend, wobei es gerade damals gab und wahrscheinlich auch noch heute immer noch Kinder gibt, die die gleichen Erfahrungen wie die Lovejoy-Schwestern machen (mussten).

Und das hat mir dann einfach das gesamte Buch versaut. Während ich Betty, Emily und Annie-Ruth ganz amüsant fand und mal kurz dachte, dass ich es doch irgendwie unterhaltsam finde, kam eine Erinnerung an Mudear hoch und hat das alles wieder kaputt gemacht. Ich fand es schade, dass Mudear auch überhaupt nicht reflektiert hat, sondern auch im Tod immer noch der Meinung war, alles richtig gemacht zu haebn und ihre Töchter einfach nur undankbar wären.nDen Poppa fand ich auch irgendwie speziell, er war aber auch nicht präsent genug, um greifbar zu sein.

Dazu kam, dass die Geschichte aus mehren Perspektiven erzählt wurde. Entweder war es eine der drei Schwestern oder die bereits tote Mutter. Der Wechsel zeigte sich dadurch, dass die Kapitel aus der Perspektive von Mudear kursiv gedruckt wurden.
Zum Schreibstil muss ich zudem sagen, dass der jetzt auch nicht so toll fand, dass er das Leseerlebnis erheblich verbesser hätte, aber ich kam trotzdem ganz gut voran.

Fazit: Ein von der Idee her amüsantes Buch, das mich einfach nicht überzeugen konnte.

2/5

[Diane Henry · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one grabbed me and didn’t let go. Three adult sisters come together after the death of their mother Mudear. The book shifts viewpoints for each chapter, giving voice to each of them as well as their dad and (the now-dead) Mudear.

Mudear had started out as a pretty typical wife and mother,though Poppa was if not physically abusive, definitely demanding and emotionally abusive. So she quits. Decided to,stay, but stopped all the usual chores associated with being a wife and mom. She slept most of the day, critiqued her daughters cooking and cleaning and speech until they did it her way, then stayed up all night to garden. She’s self-centered, was often cruel and her oldest took over the job of raising the other two.

Mudear rejected the enormous amount of work it is for women in this country to be wives and mothers and got pretty free, but her daughters paid the price. Poppa is demoralized but still goes to work and it seems he never once has any introspection about his role in Mudear’s “change.” The question, is, as ever, how can one be a wife/mother and still keep who they are? Raising children is exhausting and time-consuming and the day-to-day work is tedious and repetitive. In order to have well-raised kids, how much should a mom sacrifice? And it usually comes down to the moms, whether they have paid employment or not.

Of course, Ugly Ways is much more about the three daughters struggling to come to terms with their own lives after Mudear’s death, Mudear is just thread that runs through this. But my god, this resonated with me.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious but very serious tale of three highly accomplished daughters and their beaten down dad who reunite at mother’s death. Madea ran the family with an iron grip and the fallout of their relationships w her is revealed with humor and horror. The resilience of the daughters is a testament to the strength in us all. Madea’s ghostly voice and biting commentary throughout is very funny but reveals a married woman’s choices for self preservation in marriage and family affect everyone. I had a mother with some of Madea’s characteristics, so the humor took the edge off the serious damage inflicted on the surviving characters. The funeral scene at the end made up for all the pain she caused. Very funny b

[Lora · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was wavering between four and five stars on this one, but decided to go with 5 stars. I actually found myself wishing I was reading another book by this author rather than the perfectly good books I was reading.

This is the story of a flawed family where the mother had suddenly and permanently quit being a wife and caregiver. She never left the house and yard. Nor did she do housework, cooking or anything else she didn't want to do. She controlled and criticized the rest of the family, yet could never see her own ugly ways.

Gender roles, mental illness, emotional abuse, loyalty, love-hate relationships and being blind to or dismissive of other family members' perspectives are among the themes.

[Cyd Beacham · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story was intriguingly sad where the father and mother ended up existing with their daughters managing the household themselves. They refer to their mother as before and after the 'change'. Their mother seemed traumatized by her husband who would react violently and throw her and her children out of the house on occasion, until his pride caused him to make a big mistake. He withdrew into himself, and his wife never forgave him. She became a recluse, stopped going out and withdrew from her friends, and didn't do anything for her husband and daughters in the house other than yell and bark orders at them. A total mess.

[Brenda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had not expected to like this, but I wanted to know how this would end. I wanted author Tina McElroy Ansa to finish off the protagonist by the end of the book. I found that to be disappointing.

But the way she wrote the story and the sisters was intriguing. I will not include spoilers, but everyone who made it out alive is impressive. The desperation in their lives, the weakness of their father, the mental illness, and the claustrophobia that I felt after a while made this little book delightfully disturbing. I was disappointed with the way the book ended, but I am glad that the book club made me read it!

[Xin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got this book as a reward from a summer reading challenge Read about 100 pages, had to give up. I get that it’s about family drama, but I feel like the content is a bit drawn out and not all that interesting. Three sisters influenced by their dead mother’s personality all their lives.

The only theme that got me so far is to understand how Ernest lost his place in the family, but it was becoming evidently clear the answer is simply “life.”

The writing style of switching between characters and the dead mother reflecting is kind of interesting.

[Antigo Martin-Delaney · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dysfunction taken to new height

There comes a point when family dysfunction moves from sad to hilarious. Ansa captured this range of conflict, emotions and behavior in "Ugly Ways." We get to glance the relationship between three sisters and their parents when they come home to bury their mother. Once you get past the ghost voice of the mother, it is easy to lose yourself in the dynamics between the siblings and find something redeeming in each of these women.

[D · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author meanders a through at least half of the book. I wasn't show exactly what story was being told. Then about half way though the book I could understand what the book was all about. The ending also is disappointing and not very well developed. Surprisingly, I began to realize the story is daughters with an estranged relationship with their mother.

[Claudia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mothers and Daughters

Mothers and daughters have complicated relationships. Mothers, most, try to do the best they can; daughters, meanwhile, are thinking they could do it different or better. Now this mother was beaten down by a husband and actually rebounded way too much, becoming narcissistic and mean.