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230 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 2000
… There was a time when he was transferred somewhere for a while, and she was on the verge of starvation. This is no exaggeration. Once my mother fainted from hunger. People thought she had died, and they laid her out with the corpses. Luckily mama woke up in time and started moaning. By some miracle, she lived.
… in 1993, when I worked on the Leningrad City Council, I went to Israel as part of an official delegation. Mama gave me my baptismal cross to get it blessed at the Lord’s Tomb. I did as she said and then put the cross around my neck. I have never taken it off since.
… I did not start school until I was almost eight years old. We still have the photo in our family archive: I am in an old-fashion, gray school uniform. It looks like a military uniform, and for some reason I’m standing with a flowerpot in my hand. Not a bouquet, but a pot.
It wasn’t my fault. He jumped in front of me or something… Decided to put an end to his life… I don’t know what on earth he was doing. He was an idiot. He ran off after I hit him.
… the MGB was also part of society. It was infected with the same sickness. There were all kinds of people who worked there, but the people I knew were decent people. I was friends with many of them, and I think that the way they are now being castigated isn’t right. It’s the same thing the MGB system did to the civil society of East Germany, to its people.
Yes, there probably were some MGB agents who engaged in persecution of people. I didn’t see it. I didn’t want to say that it didn't happen. But I personally did not see it.
… on November 7, his friends - I think they were from Finland - sent him a medieval plane, and he was flown to a hospital in France.
Just like that? Nobody organized anything in advance? Some people just sent an airplane?
Yes, his friends sent an airplane. Since it was November 7, a national holiday, his absence from St. Petersburg was not noticed until November 10. From the outside, it all looked like a special operation organized by a professional. What are you talking about? There was nothing special about it. The newspaper wrote that he was whisked out, without even going through customs. That’s not true, he passed through customs and passport control at the border. Everything was as it was supposed to be. They put stamps in his passport. They put him on the airplane. That was that…
I could think of only one explanation. You see, Aleksei Alekseyevich Bolshakov was a prominent person. At one time, he was the first deputy of the executive committee of the Leningrad City Council, the person who really ran the city. There were good reports about Bolshakov that he was a can-do, energetic, hard working man. Though he had never really been an orthodox Communist, the tide of democracy had swept him away, Sobchak decided that he had to go.
Bolshakov wound up almost on the street. He got some work, but n one imagined that he would land himself a good post again, much less in Moscow. From time to time, Bolshakov would appear in Smolny on business, I never forced him to wait in the reception area. I would always stop what I was doing, kick everyone out, come out into the reception area myself, and say, “Aleksei Alekseyevich, right this way.” We were never close, but maybe he remembered me.
… I have never for a second believed and people with even an elementary level of political knowledge understand this that Chechnya would limit itself to its own independence. It would become a beachhead for further attacks on Russia.
What?! Blowing up our own apartment buildings? You know, that is really… utter nonsense! It’s totally insane.
No one in the Russian special services would be capable of such a crime against his own people. The very supposition is amoral. It’s nothing but the information war against Russia.
What?! Blowing up our own apartment buildings? You know, that is really ... utter nonsense! It's totally insane.
No one in the Russian special services would be capable of such a crime against his own people. The very supposition is amoral. It's nothing but part of the information war against Russia.
— From First Person, pp. 143-144.