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280 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 2017
‘A safe distance away, he turned back. She looked serene—a still point amidst this hurly-burly. Something wilted inside him. He had to meet her again. Already he was thinking how best to find her. He could still see her face. What is it, he wondered, that made you look at another human being, and somehow just know?’
‘‘I didn’t say goodbye,’ she said—a statement of fact. Time was doing strange things—She wondered if they would remember her. The kacang putih uncle was listening to the news on a little transistor radio.’
‘It started as softness beneath her feet, then a cold prickling from nowhere, and just like that she was terrified. She tried to pull herself together, to control her breath—This wasn’t Hong Liniang going to the scaffold or the girl from Malacca facing the tiger, she realised.’
‘For a while, some of them tried to continue their studies—if only for something to do. But it was too difficult—they were only allowed to have three books—at a time, and she needed a dictionary to make sense of anything, then kept getting stuck on this or that point, not being able to look it up anywhere because she’d used up her allocation. Finally she gave up, and just read more Lu Xun, which felt more familiar and comfortable, anyway.’
‘Mid-Autumn came and went. She was given a mooncake. ‘Do you celebrate the Lantern Festival?’ Devin asked. The questioning started to feel circular. She was very consistent in her answers—It was easy to be consistent if you stuck to the truth. The pointless cruelty of a bored child poking a caged animal. ‘But you always say, society treats these people badly, society neglects those people. That’s how they talk. If you’re talking like this, then it must be because someone has infected you with it—If we let you out now with nothing, it will look like we made a mistake. The old man will lose face. Do you think he’ll be happy about that?’’
‘Tiong Bahru Market is where he remembers it. They have done it up, fresh paint, even escalators, but the building remains essentially the same. Fresh food downstairs, cooked food above—Henry orders too much food: chicken rice, simmered in fragrant stock and served with chilli; double-boiled herbal soup; fried oysters in an omelette; and a shaved-ice concoction for dessert. At the cold drinks stall, he watches as the lady pushes thick stalks of sugarcane through a mechanical crusher, squeezing out sweet green liquid. There is an ominous crack, and torrents of rain begin to fall outside. He has a memory from boyhood, walking through this warm, fat tropical rain.’
‘He has to change trains twice, the second time to a driverless light-rail that runs alarmingly close to the buildings on either side, all steel and exposed concrete like a Brutalist nightmare. He wonders what it must be like to live surrounded by so many people stuffed into identical little boxes, but bites back the thought. At least people have somewhere to stay, for the most part. ‘Chrysanthemums!’ he smiles—she says, ‘He’s been living in ang moh land too long. Never mind, we’re not pantang.’ There is a handsome bookcase in pride of place, though its contents are mostly business manuals and management guides.’
‘If only we could have been closer, he thinks with some sadness. But there was all that distance, both geographical and the other sort, harder to define, that grew between them—It’s in the mornings that he’s most aware Singapore is a tropical island. Before the blunt force of noonday heat—As Henry strolls through Tiong Bahru, everything from the pink roadside bougainvillea to the small clumps of palm trees sparkle as if fresh-minted. They’ll be wilted and dusty by mid-afternoon, but for now are refreshed by the cool of night.’
‘He runs his fingers over the counter, the texture calling back something like memory. ‘I won’t be here. Don’t know if I’ll ever come back again.’ There’s a small stack of—paper spotted brown with age. He brings the first one close to his eyes and reads, piecing together the Chinese writing with difficulty: ‘I hope you are healthy, I hope you are safe—’. When he tries to remember the next few hours afterwards, they become a blur. The world is suddenly askew— And just like that, they are speeding down the North-South Highway.’
‘The landscape is featureless, mountains in the distance, scrubby plains and run-down buildings along the road. The highway rips right through the country, a long thread up the spine of the peninsula. Palm tree plantations give way to paddy fields—They sit at his rickety table and eat their nasi lemak, which tastes slightly unfamiliar. More pandan? And chicken curry instead of fried chicken. ‘If you change your mind, we can just go look at temples instead—Finding out about the past doesn’t always work out the way you hope.’ It’s only later, when they’ve wandered out in search of coffee, that he thinks to ask, ‘Have you ever wanted to find out about your own family?’’
‘They walk to a kopitiam—plastic chairs, coffee, good and strong with a layer of condensed milk at the bottom. None of this has changed in decades, he can tell. Nothing at all different but the price of the coffee. He is crying a little, and has no idea why. He has questions—but can’t remember the Chinese words for these things. Instead, he asks for directions, and she points at the peaks around him, explaining what lies where. She speaks crisply, her accent more like a Mainlander—Her expressions are old-fashioned, a little formal. The Thai name—‘dear friend’. Spindly rubber trees stand on terraces, next to durian and rambutan groves. People come—especially for the durians. Eating durians in the mountain air is a special experience.’
‘They want to have dinner with him—they’re curious—It’s not tourist season. Is he here for—the rambutans? Oh, a university professor, visiting from London? ‘I knew you couldn’t be local,’ says one of the women, ‘Your Mandarin is so terrible.’ He hasn’t ordered any food, but Gaolan says, ‘I made you something simple,’ and brings out soup, rice, and a few vegetable dishes sprinkled with meat. ‘We grow all our own vegetables,’ she adds.’
‘He’d decided on Economics, because the country would need a lot of help finding its feet, and he was convinced this was the best way for him to make a contribution. When he explained—it was like something from a different planet, but still she felt proud of him. When she mentioned this to her mother, the only response was a shrug. ‘You marry a rooster, live like a rooster; marry a dog, live like a dog. That’s how it is.’ Her mother insisted on delivering pig trotters to his parents—it was traditional—soy sauce and star anise. So many ways to be human, and most people were certain their way was best. It was one thing to go on dates—but to marry and have his child? Was she turning bougeois?’
‘You know what they call us? Pendatang, visitor. You think they will ever let us belong? They had the sort of lopsided discussion where one person gets very heated and no one else cares much about the issue. What did it mean, to carve a new thing out of chunks of land like this? What language would they speak in this new world? He had Cantonese and Mandarin, but only passable Malay and no English at all. What’s this, he asked Nam Teck, holding up a wrench, a soup spoon, a sponge. Nam Teck obligingly said the word in Cantonese, and he repeated it thoughtfully, then in Hainanese as if to map the new word onto the old—Even Nam Teck could tell that not all of his sounds were correct, but he seemed to make himself understood.’
‘Towards the end—she wrote these thoughts down in rambling letters, sometimes on paper, sometimes only in her head—The beginning was always the same: I hope you are healthy, I hope you are safe—I write in Chinese. If you ever see these words, would you even understand them? If you ask around, people will be able to tell you where it is. There must still be people who remember. Can you live with the choices you’ve made? And you know what, I can, every last one of them. By the time you get to my age, the course is set. I know what’s going to happen, all of it, right up till I die. Some people would call that a blessing.’
‘She keeps breaking into Hakka, and I only know Cantonese. I’m trying to work out what she means. Her English was fluent, but in Putonghua she was just as alien as the rest—I was a bit worried because there’d been so much rain—monsoon season was heavier than normal—Not all right, she wanted to cry, there’s nothing all right about this. I’m six thousand miles from home in a climate that makes no sense to me any more—and lives are still being destroyed over it. What can I say? I’m not the right person for the story, except somehow I’m the one who’s here.’
‘A light drizzle fell as he ran through the streets, probably faster than was safe on the slippery pavement. He smelled frangipani in the air. They said this meant a pontianak was in the vicinity, waiting to tear your soft belly open with her claws and devour your insides with her comely mouth. A dog howled, far away. He—wished he could have left her a note. Without much thought, going by instinct—Nam Teck became Xiongmin.’
‘Drying himself with a Good Morning towel, the same as he’d had in town, Xiongmin thought what a beautiful world he’d landed in. After dinner (rice, salt fish, sweet potato), they sang or read. They always finished with sponge cake—Look forward, he chided himself, think of the world to come.’
‘Everyone was very kancheong—None of us dared to bring food out with us when we went to tap rubber, we all went without lunch—We had food and work and a place to live, we didn’t want to cause any trouble. My husband wasn’t perfect, but he was better than a lot of people. We kept moving, and I knew then we had nowhere to go back to.’
‘He smiles, ‘I knew she was doing something like that, but I chose not to notice. Why make trouble? She missed you terribly—I could tell, even though she hardly mentioned you—I wasn’t jealous, we all had things in our past. I loved her too, you see.’ Henry looks at him, uncertain what he means. Xiongmin is wiry, light on his feet. Even though he must be past seventy, his hair is still quite thick, and mostly black.’
‘This is some sort of underground museum, it turns out—lit by orangey halogen lamps. He goes up to the counter for a ticket (priced in both ringgit and baht). The woman there also tries to entice him into buying some incense. ‘The tourists kept asking for an Earth God shrine, so we set up one down the hill. It’s a Malaysian-Chinese thing: wherever they go, they want to pray to the local gods.’’
‘‘I used to be Ah Mui,’ says Gaolan. ‘Can you imagine? I don’t think about Ah Mui much, these days. She was a different person.’’
‘Han Suyin’s novel, ‘And The Rain My Drink’ was very influential on me. She lived through this historical period, and her novel weaves together many points of view of people living side by side yet having very different political views of the world. She and I have very different vibes, but she writes in a way that I had never seen before, the astonishing way she’s able to see the entire tapestry and every level of the conflict at the same time.’
‘In my novel, I wanted to have both the English-educated and Chinese-educated perspectives—I wrote it for myself, in the sense that these were the things I wanted to unravel and think through. I knew about these individual pockets of history but not how they all joined together. I had to write the novel to find those connections, to make sense of it all and to spend a sustained period of time in that world. Even if it had never gotten published and never found readers, it would still have been worthwhile because it was a process I wanted to go through.’
‘Both of them (Hai Fan's Delicious Hunger and Jeremy Tiang's 'State of Emergency') are set in periods of history that are very different to the world we’re in now. Both are about people who believe very much in something and fight very hard to make that thing happen. There’s a tendency to think that the struggle failed—but I don’t think they see it that way. They created a society in the rainforest that wasn’t in thrall to capitalism and that allowed them to live communally on their own terms, and they did that for decades. I think they created the society they wanted to see in the world, and they got to live out their principles, which most of us don’t get to do. Perhaps that’s a useful corrective to today’s focus on outcomes. We often think about where we want to end up and focus very hard on that, rather than on seeing your life as a kind of intentional practice and living your life according to the principles you want to espouse.’
“The history of the oppressed teaches us that the ‘state of emergency’ in which we live is not the exception but the rule.”
“Do you want us all to be the same? You think everyone in society should earn the same money? That’s not possible. Some people work harder than others, some people are cleverer. If we did what you people want, then our society will never progress, and soon our women will have to go and be maids in other people’s countries are. Stella, we know who you are, you don’t have to pretend any more. Other people in your ring have already confessed. You want to destroy our society. You want to bring us all down to your level. Stella, we know that you are a communist.”
“We live in a meritocracy if you earn more money then it’s because you’re clever, you work harder than others. Why do you talk about being fair all the time? Do you think some people earn so much?”
“I never said that,” [said Stella.]
“But you complain that these maids, these people you are trying to help, they earn too little. If some people earn too little, then some people must be earning too much. Am I right?”