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My Heartbeat
Ellen loves Link and James. Her older brother and his best friend are the only company she ever wants. She knows they fight, but she makes it a policy never to take sides. She loves her brother, the math genius and track star. She is totally, madly in love with James, his face full of long eyelashes and hidden smiles. “When you grow out of it,” James teases her, “you will break my heart.”
Ellen knows she’ll never outgrow it. She’ll always love James just the way she’ll always love Link. Then someone at school asks if Link and James might be in love with each other. A simple question.
Link refuses to discuss it. James refuses to stay friends with a boy so full of secrets. Ellen’s parents want Link to keep his secrets to himself, but Ellen wants to know who her brother really is. When is curiosity a betrayal? And if James says he loves her, isn’t that just another way of saying he still loves Link?
My Heartbeat is a fast, furious story in which a quirky triangle learns to change its shape and Ellen, at least, learns the limits of what you can ever know about whom you love.
Ellen knows she’ll never outgrow it. She’ll always love James just the way she’ll always love Link. Then someone at school asks if Link and James might be in love with each other. A simple question.
Link refuses to discuss it. James refuses to stay friends with a boy so full of secrets. Ellen’s parents want Link to keep his secrets to himself, but Ellen wants to know who her brother really is. When is curiosity a betrayal? And if James says he loves her, isn’t that just another way of saying he still loves Link?
My Heartbeat is a fast, furious story in which a quirky triangle learns to change its shape and Ellen, at least, learns the limits of what you can ever know about whom you love.
160 pages, Hardcover
First published April 29, 2002
19 people are currently reading
2978 people want to read
About the author
Garret Weyr, also Freymann-Weyr
9 books99 followersGarret Freymann-Weyr (rhymes with 'I'm on fire") is a novelist and teacher whose seven books have been banned, translated into a multitude of languages, and included in college curricula. She is a Printz honor award recipient and her short stories have been published in the Greensboro Review, the now sadly missed Christopher Street, and the anthology Starry Eyed. Her next book will be published under the name Garret Weyr (Divorce. Painful. Don't ask.)
She is a native of New York City and now lives with a large cat and a sweet dog. She reads too much, drinks too much tea, and loves listening to readers talk about their passions. She is studying Spanish. Has anyone else read "Buenas Noches, Luna?"
She is a native of New York City and now lives with a large cat and a sweet dog. She reads too much, drinks too much tea, and loves listening to readers talk about their passions. She is studying Spanish. Has anyone else read "Buenas Noches, Luna?"
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 263 reviews
July 3, 2008
This is the story of an adolescent girl with a crush on a bisexual boy who might or might not be in a relationship with her brother, a near-genius who refuses to admit that he's gay.
Only that summary makes My Heartbeat sound far more interesting than it actually is.
Only that summary makes My Heartbeat sound far more interesting than it actually is.
August 1, 2011
The only reason I see for awarding My Heartbeat Printz Honor in 2003 is its ultra-liberal, non-judgmental approach to teen sexuality.
The novel's premise is indeed edgy: 14-year old Ellen has only two friends - her older brother Link and his best friend Jason. Ellen has a bit of a crush on Jason, but no one acts on it until it is brought up to Ellen that the closeness between Jason and Link can only be explained by these two boys being a couple. When Ellen raises the question of her friends' homosexuality, she finds out that the boys themselves are not sure yet what they are. There is an attraction, but Link is not ready to label himself as gay, whereas Jason has slept with men, but might be attracted to girls as well. The unresolved situation between the boys leads to the breakup of their friendship. And here is where Ellen steps in and becomes Jason's girlfriend, even though she is not even sure that he is truly attracted to her.
As edgy, convoluted and messy as it all sounds, My Heartbeat is not an edgy read. Listening to the 14-year old narrator, you'd think she is not a teen girl but a middle-aged lecturer preaching free love, tolerance and acceptance. The story goes through the motions of showing that in love all labels are unnecessary, but the characters remain to be only vessels for delivering the message, never becoming real. There is no heart in My Heartbeat. Pick up Pink instead.
The novel's premise is indeed edgy: 14-year old Ellen has only two friends - her older brother Link and his best friend Jason. Ellen has a bit of a crush on Jason, but no one acts on it until it is brought up to Ellen that the closeness between Jason and Link can only be explained by these two boys being a couple. When Ellen raises the question of her friends' homosexuality, she finds out that the boys themselves are not sure yet what they are. There is an attraction, but Link is not ready to label himself as gay, whereas Jason has slept with men, but might be attracted to girls as well. The unresolved situation between the boys leads to the breakup of their friendship. And here is where Ellen steps in and becomes Jason's girlfriend, even though she is not even sure that he is truly attracted to her.
As edgy, convoluted and messy as it all sounds, My Heartbeat is not an edgy read. Listening to the 14-year old narrator, you'd think she is not a teen girl but a middle-aged lecturer preaching free love, tolerance and acceptance. The story goes through the motions of showing that in love all labels are unnecessary, but the characters remain to be only vessels for delivering the message, never becoming real. There is no heart in My Heartbeat. Pick up Pink instead.
April 13, 2007
This book is really, truly wonderful. The writing is unbelievably good, but it's difficult to put your finger on exactly why. I love the understanding of teenage love that it conveys--the feeling that you are saying so much, declaring your undying love with mere gestures and common phrases when really you are simply asking the boy of your dreams to pass the bread. Freymann-Weyr also captures silence as communication ever so perfectly: its contrasting power of conveying anger and hurt and its ability to shut you down and ultimately ruin communication and growth. She treats sexuality and sex in vague yet convincing and non-judgemental terms, and her dialogue, philosophical and unlikely to come out of many people's mouths manages to move the narrative in an effortless way.
October 17, 2010
Weird. I think this book is an excellent example of a fake-out conflict, much like _No Country for Old Men_. When you close the book, you think, "Huh?" until you look at the title, think back over what went on, and realize, "Oh, it was about THIS all along." I can't be more specific without giving away spoilers.
I liked that the book dealt rationally and respectfully with the fluidity of teen sexuality; no one uses the word "bisexual" in this book, because slapping a label on it and walking away does nothing to unravel how confusing and exhilarating this part of life can be. I like that the book portrays the sexual activity of the characters in a non-graphic, non-glorified way, yet doesn't stoop to grand-standing about the dangers or heartache of sex. In short, this book treats teenagers like thinking, rational beings who should not be afraid of their bodies.
Did not like: I was slightly unnerved by how casually a naive 14 year old hooks up with a worldly 17 year old. I was totally frustrated that Link's conflict was never truly resolved. Finally, I found quite a bit of the writing tangly and awkward as Ms. Freymann-Weyr attempted to wrestle down such complex subject matter and filter it through the fragmented, self-conscious musings of a young girl. Oh, and I can't help but think that a real-world Ellen would be more uncomfortable entering into a sexual relationship with a young man who is apparently gay. She's just TOO cool and laid back about the whole thing to be believable.
I liked that the book dealt rationally and respectfully with the fluidity of teen sexuality; no one uses the word "bisexual" in this book, because slapping a label on it and walking away does nothing to unravel how confusing and exhilarating this part of life can be. I like that the book portrays the sexual activity of the characters in a non-graphic, non-glorified way, yet doesn't stoop to grand-standing about the dangers or heartache of sex. In short, this book treats teenagers like thinking, rational beings who should not be afraid of their bodies.
Did not like: I was slightly unnerved by how casually a naive 14 year old hooks up with a worldly 17 year old. I was totally frustrated that Link's conflict was never truly resolved. Finally, I found quite a bit of the writing tangly and awkward as Ms. Freymann-Weyr attempted to wrestle down such complex subject matter and filter it through the fragmented, self-conscious musings of a young girl. Oh, and I can't help but think that a real-world Ellen would be more uncomfortable entering into a sexual relationship with a young man who is apparently gay. She's just TOO cool and laid back about the whole thing to be believable.
March 5, 2010
I never would have discovered this hidden gem if it weren't for my booktwin Martha reviewing it so glowingly a few years back. Not only had I not heard of Garret Freymann-Weyr before, but I'm pretty sure neither of its covers would have induced me to pick it up. Seriously, what in the world were they going for with this one? I just...I have no idea. But I know they missed. And the pink one is sort of cute, but really not indicative at all of what's inside. So. The Printz Honor award, on the other hand, always draws my eye as I've been quite impressed with the majority of Printz picks over the last few years. I would have given this one the award itself--I love it that much. So when an upcoming trip to Morocco rested on the horizon, I went out and purchased a copy of MY HEARTBEAT to take with me. Despite the fact that it's a slim 160 pages, I could tell it should be in the stack as I was packing. I ended up pulling it out one night in our bed & breakfast in Essaouira and staying up much too late devouring it in one gulp. What a lovely memory that night remains. And yet I've talked to comparatively few people who've read this beautiful book. And so today I'm going to tell you exactly why I love it with such intensity.
Ellen and her old brother Link live with their crazy busy parents in a full but cozy apartment in Manhattan. They attend the same prestigious private school with Link's best friend James, who Ellen has been in love with for a couple of years now. Link is something of a math genius, a dedicated track star, and quite a talented pianist. James is also a gifted musician (though he has to have sheet music to play), a film buff, and an artist. Together they are her favorite people in the world and she considers life good when the three of them are hanging out together. One day at lunch, after bringing home one too many letters from school criticizing her social skills (or lack thereof), Ellen attempts to be a bit more outgoing and sits with some other girls. When the conversation turns to Link and James, one of the girls says to her, "They're like a couple, aren't they?" And that single sentence turns Ellen's world on end. She realizes this issue has simply never occurred to her before. Nor has the issue of why neither of her boys spends much time with girls. Besides her. Afraid to ask the question, but wanting desperately to understand them both better, Ellen goes first to her mother. And then to Link and James. Their respective responses to her question open up a can of worms Ellen was desperately hoping to avoid, brings down an invisible wall between Link and James, and provides the stepping off point for the beginning of Ellen's education on life, love, loyalty, and how many different versions there are of all of them.
It was love at first sight with these three. I can't tell you how quickly I fell for them. Maybe it was when Ellen first revealed that telling Link she thought James was super cute was the only way her seventh-grade self could verbalize totally madly in love. Maybe it was when she kept picturing him as the heroes in the novels she was reading for English class. It could have been every day when Link and James sat on the fire escape during lunch, Link critiquing James' art, prowling the halls after in search of who knows what. Or maybe it was simply when Link and Ellen watched Casablanca together and stood up to sing the "Marseillaise" along with the actors just as their dad taught them to when they were nine and seven years old. MY HEARTBEAT is filled with a million little perfect moments, exquisite glimpses into the lives of others as they try and fail and try to know one another and learn that sometimes the ones you love the most are the ones you know the least. A favorite passage early on as Ellen goes in search of Link after he and James have had a disagreement:
I fell so in love with the relationships in this book. Every one of them. Ellen and Link. Ellen and James. Ellen and her mother. Ellen and her father. They seemed at once so far removed from me and so much the same. I loved the complexity of this most unusual and refreshing of love triangles. It is a mature story, an at times painful story, and it deals with mature and endlessly complicated issues including sexual identity, artistic philosophy, the rigidity of expectations and social mores, and the elasticity of the heart. It will not be for everyone. But it was so very much for me. What a sweet, sweet story and how much I wanted to sit in cafés with Ellen, James, and Link and just be intellectual and chummy with them. Finest kind.
Recommended for fans of Madeleine L'Engle, John Irving, and Melina Marchetta.
Ellen and her old brother Link live with their crazy busy parents in a full but cozy apartment in Manhattan. They attend the same prestigious private school with Link's best friend James, who Ellen has been in love with for a couple of years now. Link is something of a math genius, a dedicated track star, and quite a talented pianist. James is also a gifted musician (though he has to have sheet music to play), a film buff, and an artist. Together they are her favorite people in the world and she considers life good when the three of them are hanging out together. One day at lunch, after bringing home one too many letters from school criticizing her social skills (or lack thereof), Ellen attempts to be a bit more outgoing and sits with some other girls. When the conversation turns to Link and James, one of the girls says to her, "They're like a couple, aren't they?" And that single sentence turns Ellen's world on end. She realizes this issue has simply never occurred to her before. Nor has the issue of why neither of her boys spends much time with girls. Besides her. Afraid to ask the question, but wanting desperately to understand them both better, Ellen goes first to her mother. And then to Link and James. Their respective responses to her question open up a can of worms Ellen was desperately hoping to avoid, brings down an invisible wall between Link and James, and provides the stepping off point for the beginning of Ellen's education on life, love, loyalty, and how many different versions there are of all of them.
It was love at first sight with these three. I can't tell you how quickly I fell for them. Maybe it was when Ellen first revealed that telling Link she thought James was super cute was the only way her seventh-grade self could verbalize totally madly in love. Maybe it was when she kept picturing him as the heroes in the novels she was reading for English class. It could have been every day when Link and James sat on the fire escape during lunch, Link critiquing James' art, prowling the halls after in search of who knows what. Or maybe it was simply when Link and Ellen watched Casablanca together and stood up to sing the "Marseillaise" along with the actors just as their dad taught them to when they were nine and seven years old. MY HEARTBEAT is filled with a million little perfect moments, exquisite glimpses into the lives of others as they try and fail and try to know one another and learn that sometimes the ones you love the most are the ones you know the least. A favorite passage early on as Ellen goes in search of Link after he and James have had a disagreement:
I decide to go knock on Link's door and tell him I can't sleep.
When I was little we used to sleep in each other's rooms the night before all special occasions: Christmas, trips to Europe, first days of school, and birthdays. We stopped when I was nine or ten. I don't remember which one of us decided we were too old or if anything was said. It just stopped. Special occasions now come and go without our marking it by sleeping in the same room. Link's not exactly Mr. Hospitality tonight, saying, in response to my knock, "I told you no."
"It's Ellen," I say, knowing he hasn't told me no in a few days.
"It's open for you," he says and I go in.
"Who'd you tell no?" I ask, settling carefully into the broken armchair near his bed.
"Your mother," he says.
When he's mad at Mom or Dad, they become your mother or your father, as if I were responsible for their behavior. It's my policy never to ask why he's mad at them. Why borrow trouble?
"James went out," I say.
"Yeah, I know," Link says. "Your mother wanted to know where he went."
"Do you know?" I ask.
"Ellen, it's late."
"I don't think he likes that guy at all," I say, wanting to reassure him. And probably myself.
"Which guy?" Link asks, sitting up in bed. "What are you talking about?"
"The tennis champion," I say.
"Oh, that. He was just kidding, Ellen. You can't take James seriously."
"So where is he?" I ask.
"I don't know," Link says. "He wanted to go out and I didn't. End of story."
"How come?"
"How come what?" Link asks.
I don't say anything. He's not asking me a question so much as telling me it's none of my business. He never says that to me in a flat-out way, of course. It's more Link's style to put all the important information into what he doesn't say. Sometimes I understand him and lots of times I don't. Tonight I do.
"He should have asked you to go," Link says. "You would have gone with him."
"I might," I say. Probably. Sure. No doubt about it.
"You would," my brother says. "You would follow James to the moon."
I don't say anything, and after a while Link asks if I want to sleep in his room.
"Yes," I say. "Because it's my birthday tomorrow."
"It's two in the morning," Link says. "Tomorrow is here."
He gets out of bed, and while he's whispering (instead of singing) "Happy Birthday," he clears a space on the floor, where he makes up a sleeping area with a quilt and two of his pillows.
"You take the bed," he says, the way he used to when I was nine.
I lie awake for a long time. For hours after Link has drifted off to sleep. I listen for and I hear James returning to the house. It is true I would follow James to the moon. But if Link would let me, I would follow him anywhere he wanted.
I fell so in love with the relationships in this book. Every one of them. Ellen and Link. Ellen and James. Ellen and her mother. Ellen and her father. They seemed at once so far removed from me and so much the same. I loved the complexity of this most unusual and refreshing of love triangles. It is a mature story, an at times painful story, and it deals with mature and endlessly complicated issues including sexual identity, artistic philosophy, the rigidity of expectations and social mores, and the elasticity of the heart. It will not be for everyone. But it was so very much for me. What a sweet, sweet story and how much I wanted to sit in cafés with Ellen, James, and Link and just be intellectual and chummy with them. Finest kind.
Recommended for fans of Madeleine L'Engle, John Irving, and Melina Marchetta.
March 5, 2012
I really did not like this book.
First of all it was classist. Although the homophobia behind the action may be similar, paying off one's son is disgusting. The talk of Ivy league schools and other high-brow examples turned me off (especially when it was the bulk of the book).
Secondly, what started out as the main story (the relationship between the boys) turned out to be non-important at the end.
Thirdly, who in their right mind would really be okay with their sister dating someone they were interested in or at the very least, their best friend? I find this very very unlikely.
Fourth, there was no turn around or epiphany for the gay character or his dad. There was no closure for me. I understand real life is not always neatly tied up, but for a book especially geared toward this audience, I want more of a positive bent on queerness.
First of all it was classist. Although the homophobia behind the action may be similar, paying off one's son is disgusting. The talk of Ivy league schools and other high-brow examples turned me off (especially when it was the bulk of the book).
Secondly, what started out as the main story (the relationship between the boys) turned out to be non-important at the end.
Thirdly, who in their right mind would really be okay with their sister dating someone they were interested in or at the very least, their best friend? I find this very very unlikely.
Fourth, there was no turn around or epiphany for the gay character or his dad. There was no closure for me. I understand real life is not always neatly tied up, but for a book especially geared toward this audience, I want more of a positive bent on queerness.
August 4, 2022
I was really enjoying this book, and was completely engrossed in the characters and the conversations being had about sexuality, and about how silence can be so loud. Then I read the last chapter and it completely changed my mind. Maybe I just don't get it, but the ending really changed the message for me, and in a bad way. Also another book with weird sibling dynamics.
February 24, 2016
This book has confused the hell out of me. I loved the characters, I loved the writing style. I loved how Ellen came into who she is at the very end. It was beautifully written, but not enough so to distract from the GLARINGLY UGLY FACT THAT JAMES AND ELLEN GET TOGETHER. I tried to really love this book. In it's beginnings when James and Link were sort of in love and Ellen has a lovely role as looking up to the both of them, I did. I wanted to know how that relationship would affect the family. Then, James and Ellen get together and Link spirals and suddenly a very innocent 14 year old who uses the word "yucky" is mature enough to be hooking up with a boy about to go to university. Oh, but James is chivalrous enough NOT to sleep with Ellen until the very end after she somewhat begs him to. And the whole way through she has this idea that she is the proof that girls are "interesting", so James must continue to like both boys and girls. And both siblings!
All I wanted was for Ellen to find out how she fits into her life and family and for James and Link to sort something out, but all I got was a 14 year old finding validation in her older brother's love, and being unable to finish reading classics.
Update: I am changing this from a three star to a two.
There was no plot, no closure for any characters, especially not Link who was supposed to be driving the story in whether or not he was gay and in love wth James. I'm pissed. There was no further discussion with his parents over what Link truly wanted, no idea as to what is going to happen to Ellen, the author never seemed to raise an eyebrow at the relationship between Ellen and James, the list goes on. The author is a talented writer in the way she writes, but the lacking of a clear plot and the relationships she chose to write are what earns this book a mere two stars.
All I wanted was for Ellen to find out how she fits into her life and family and for James and Link to sort something out, but all I got was a 14 year old finding validation in her older brother's love, and being unable to finish reading classics.
Update: I am changing this from a three star to a two.
There was no plot, no closure for any characters, especially not Link who was supposed to be driving the story in whether or not he was gay and in love wth James. I'm pissed. There was no further discussion with his parents over what Link truly wanted, no idea as to what is going to happen to Ellen, the author never seemed to raise an eyebrow at the relationship between Ellen and James, the list goes on. The author is a talented writer in the way she writes, but the lacking of a clear plot and the relationships she chose to write are what earns this book a mere two stars.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 17, 2024
Okay, listen. This book was recommended to me just after I had finished Tell the Wolves I'm Home" by Carol Rifka. The promise of a story which would give me similar feels, coupled with the Keith Haring on the cover, had me sold. I really, REALLY wanted to like this book.
However.
However.
June 30, 2021
In all honesty, this book has sat on my shelf for quite some time now, forgotten. However, after reading it, I'm not sure if that was a bad thing...
While the original premise is very interesting, think - it's not every day an LGBTQ love triangle is written, it's all that's carrying the book. Our three main characters, the supposed heart of the story, are all very yawn inducing. Why? Because I can sum them up in three words. Cliched. Priviledged. Rushed.
I understand this was written during the 2000s, therefore "hot prepschool bad boy" was in. However, in comparison to the protagonist, this makes the reader question why her brother, Link, and his best friend, James, spent so much time with her. Because she's awfully boring. I'm talking Bella Swan levels of boring. She does virtually nothing throughout the book except read, do homework, fantasize about James, and research the gays. Nothing else. Oh yeah, and pointedly choosing not to interact or socialize with her classmates, because who doesn't want to build a dependence on soon to be graduated seniors (Link and James)!
My Heartbeat definitely suffers from character and plot issues, as, (SPOILER) the book does nothing to advance the existing relationship between the three, only detoriate it (SPOILER END). Instead the book serves as a hollow horn, carrying the message that gays exist. Not that they're 100% okay and normal, just that they exist.
PS. I have SERIOUS issue with how the book ended because (SPOILER) what senior in their darn mind would WILLINGLY sleep with a freshman? That they practically grew up with?? I have no problems with Jame's bisexuality, just the age and obvious maturity difference. Because believe theres a big one. (SPOILER END).
While the original premise is very interesting, think - it's not every day an LGBTQ love triangle is written, it's all that's carrying the book. Our three main characters, the supposed heart of the story, are all very yawn inducing. Why? Because I can sum them up in three words. Cliched. Priviledged. Rushed.
I understand this was written during the 2000s, therefore "hot prepschool bad boy" was in. However, in comparison to the protagonist, this makes the reader question why her brother, Link, and his best friend, James, spent so much time with her. Because she's awfully boring. I'm talking Bella Swan levels of boring. She does virtually nothing throughout the book except read, do homework, fantasize about James, and research the gays. Nothing else. Oh yeah, and pointedly choosing not to interact or socialize with her classmates, because who doesn't want to build a dependence on soon to be graduated seniors (Link and James)!
My Heartbeat definitely suffers from character and plot issues, as, (SPOILER) the book does nothing to advance the existing relationship between the three, only detoriate it (SPOILER END). Instead the book serves as a hollow horn, carrying the message that gays exist. Not that they're 100% okay and normal, just that they exist.
PS. I have SERIOUS issue with how the book ended because (SPOILER) what senior in their darn mind would WILLINGLY sleep with a freshman? That they practically grew up with?? I have no problems with Jame's bisexuality, just the age and obvious maturity difference. Because believe theres a big one. (SPOILER END).
July 3, 2007
Yes it's from the "Teen Lit" shelf! What are you gonna do about it?! That's the thing, teen lit is really good! This writer is amazing and the writing was like butta', and I wish I made up some turns of phrases that she used. The main character (14-yr-old girl, who esle?) is learning to SEE things. Not just to look, but to see, like an artist does, while struggling with her family who handles struggle and problems by not talking about it, but carefully arond it:
"If I never develop the gift of clear and fearce language, I will develop clear and fearce eyes. I must."
"If I never develop the gift of clear and fearce language, I will develop clear and fearce eyes. I must."
August 20, 2021
This was an excellent book and everything about it was very interesting and comforting. I liked it a lot. The characters were very vivid and relatable. This is a very memorable book that provokes a lot of emotions and thoughts. The closing lines were particularly hard-hitting:
“Although I’m still in the process of meeting her, I’ve already decided to like her...not because she’s curious, careful, kind, and intense. But because she’s let somebody else discover that about her and love her for it.”
“Although I’m still in the process of meeting her, I’ve already decided to like her...not because she’s curious, careful, kind, and intense. But because she’s let somebody else discover that about her and love her for it.”
October 29, 2023
What was the point?
August 4, 2017
The thing about this book is I don't think I completely understood it. I like the concept, but it felt unpolished and unfinished. I know this was supposed to be a groundbreaking novel about discovering and exploring sexuality, but the heterosexual couple ended up together in the end and the supposed gay character was still afraid of the possibility of being gay. I for one disliked nearly every character in this book, for albeit completely different reasons. The dad for the dismissal of his clearly homophobic tendencies. The mom for her acceptance and blissful ignorance surrounding her husband and his problematic ways. James for his insistence on sleeping with guys only to make link jealous and of course for sleeping with link's 14 year old sister Ellen. Link for calling adlena's dad a faggot and for his inability to entertain the possibility he might be gay. Ellen of course for accepting all the crap thrown at her by her dad, link and James, and for having sex with James who was so obviously in love with her brother. Was I the only one uncomfortable with the age difference between Ellen and James, to me it felt overused and unrealistic. I'm tired of the freshman senior trope, even more so of this which ends in casual sex between a 14 and 17 (possibly 18) year old. The only characters I kind of liked were adlena and her 2 dad's. This book also had an insane amount of queer baiting for something expressed to be a LGBT coming of age novel. This book could have been so much better, but it fell flat in all the wrong places. I'd maybe give some other books by this author a chance, but my heartbeat was not for me, and I wholeheartedly disagree with it being an LGBT story:
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 5, 2012
I absolutely loved this book. It has its faults; I really had no desire to read about privileged kids in NY, hear yet another preachy moment about the dangers of teen sex complete with pregnancy and AIDS, but I still absolutely loved this book. As a teen this is what I would have wanted to read without realizing it. I love the characters and they resonate with me. The main character is a girl who adores her brother and desperately wants to know him. Her family can't communicate, they are bad with words, they are strangers to one another. The book shows two different models of how teens come to understand and deal with their sexuality. There is love, intimacy, art and above all a girl wanting to be loved by someone. I can't do it justice at all, but I loved it. I got my copy from http://www.thedismantledlibrary.blogs... - if you want it let me know and I will pass it along. Otherwise I'll donate it to the library around the corner.
February 1, 2024
Summary was misleading. The entire focus of the book is on the sister, her growing up, her view of herself, etc. The relationships either weren't really there or were handled as if they'd been thrown in with less than half a thought, and honestly the move from older brother to younger sister was gross. The ending was unsatisfying and had nothing to do with the theme that pops up throughout about heartbeats (the heartbeat of the mind anyway). It also had nothing to do with the beginning.
It didn't need to have a happy ending (although I would've liked one) but it could have at least made sense for the rest of the book. This was a story with scenes and moments that didn't connect and everyone was annoying. Thank God this book was so short, because it was an absolute waste of my time.
It didn't need to have a happy ending (although I would've liked one) but it could have at least made sense for the rest of the book. This was a story with scenes and moments that didn't connect and everyone was annoying. Thank God this book was so short, because it was an absolute waste of my time.
June 1, 2021
I love this book. I first read it in middle school, and its thoughtful, nonjudgmental portrayal of queerness and healthy teen sexuality was hugely meaningful to me. Rereading as an adult, it holds up. Ellen is a unique, remarkable narrator and the story is so compelling despite how little actually happens. It’s gracefully and gorgeously told, and I think would be just as accessible to adult readers as to YA ones. I wish this was a better-known book; despite the fact that it’s largely about a straight romance, I think it deserves to be a queer classic.
February 13, 2015
Although this book was an award winner when it was first published in 2002, I didn't find it to be everything it was cracked up to be.
The family in this novel are overeducated Manhattan snobs obsessed with their own intellectual pretensions, which makes them distinctly unlikable. Although this is an interesting look at how adolescent sexuality can be defined in many different ways, I couldn't get past the annoying characters, who were a bit too precious for my taste.
The family in this novel are overeducated Manhattan snobs obsessed with their own intellectual pretensions, which makes them distinctly unlikable. Although this is an interesting look at how adolescent sexuality can be defined in many different ways, I couldn't get past the annoying characters, who were a bit too precious for my taste.
May 11, 2009
I had higher expectations, I guess. It felt too short, like only the beginning of an idea. It was cute and well-written but I was waiting for a more intriguing plot to come out of it, and the plot never emerged for me. Okay, but not great in my opinion.
July 29, 2021
WITH MY 21YRS OF AGE AND ON MY 4TH READING I CAN NOW ACKNOWLEDGE THIS STORY'S FLAWS BUT IT CONTINUES TO COMFORT ME LIKE A WARM CUP OF SOUP. MY LOVE FOR IT IS INEXPLICABLE SO I'VE STOPPED TRYING TO REASON
February 14, 2011
Sweet, deep without being heavy, raises questions but never preachy. Warm and comforting. This book is like music to me.
Read
January 14, 2020Ellen has caught herself in a love triangle, trying to find a way to do what is best for her and the people she loves. I thought that this book was well written, and carried a message of tolerance and accepting one's self. The author showed us how people who love each other so deeply, can also hurt each other by not allowing themselves to open up.
March 22, 2019
It was really great to read on a different perspective about controversial topics such as this one. I really loved Link's character and personality.
November 27, 2023
AUDREY'S ONE-SENTENCE BOOK REVIEWS
Dads who approach everything from an angle of intellectual superiority vs. teenage girls who feel deeply and need to be loved: FIGHT
Dads who approach everything from an angle of intellectual superiority vs. teenage girls who feel deeply and need to be loved: FIGHT
May 26, 2025
Pissed me off, she literally stole her brother’s boyfriend 😒😒😒😒😒
March 11, 2025
i can't stop reading all the random books that i found in my childhood room
but this one is actually insane because wdym the sister was fine with her brother's sloppy seconds ?!!
but this one is actually insane because wdym the sister was fine with her brother's sloppy seconds ?!!
June 24, 2025
It's Pride Month and I've been trying to read all of the LGBT+ books on my Kindle that I wasn't able to get to during the rest of the year. MY HEARTBEAT was an exciting choice for me because it's actually a book that I'm revisiting-- when I read it for the first time, I was a teenager myself. For many years, this was one of my favorite books, and I remember having a huge crush on the love interest, James.
So first, a disclaimer. I feel like a lot of LGBT+ books from the aughts were written with straight/cis people in mind as the primary audience, because often, a straight/cis person is the main character in these books. They aren't questioning their identities or having something happen to them that changes the concept of their own gradually forming identity; usually, in these books, they are questioning an LGBT+ person's identity or the LGBT+ person is something that "happens" to them. Which, admittedly, is hugely problematic. MY HEARTBEAT does this to some extent, but it ages less poorly than books like WHAT HAPPENED TO LANI GARVER and LUNA, in which the leads in both cases are bigots and their relationship with the LGBT+ person is meant to be educational.
MY HEARTBEAT is a short book and the plot is pretty simple. Ellen is the daughter of a WASP-y East Coast family, the sort of family where the kids go to private schools and the dad reads thick books in German for fun. He called Jane Eyre "romantic drivel," so obviously I hated him. Ellen has an older brother named Link, who's a math genius, and the "smart kid" in the family that her parents are pinning all their hopes on. Link has a close friend named James that he does everything with. James is a year older than Link. He's an artist who smokes cigarettes and is given large amounts of money by his absentee family and he basically lives alone. When I was a kid, teen me thought James was living the dream. Anyway, one day, James and Link have a fight, and Ellen starts to question whether James and Link are just friends. When she confronts them about it, they have a bigger fight, and Link ends up storming off in a huff.
The whole thing kind of starts a chain reaction that has everything coming down like a house of cards. Link starts slacking off in classes and basically having a mental breakdown. It turns out that the snobby father wasn't just pressuring Link to do well at math and go to Yale, he also tried to bribe him with "be straight" money, which upsets the mom and Ellen. James comes out to Ellen and says that he likes men and women (the label "bisexual" isn't really used), although he has never had sex with women before. Ellen goes to the library to research "gayness" and learns a lot about Michaelangelo. By the way, this is New York in 2002, but at least the one gay bookstore in New York has a "woke ally" discount (and no, I'm not joking about this-- it's 15%, in case you were wondering). She and James start dating, while Link conspicuously dates a girl and continues fighting with his parents. Eventually, things resolve.
Sort of.
Okay, so I loved this book when I was a kid, and honestly, compared to some of the other LGBT+ books from that era, you can tell this one is trying to be really inoffensive. But it has some problems, and it's been so long since this book came out, I can't tell whether they're a product of the era or just bad writing. First off, the term questioning isn't really used or explored, which I think is what Link is. He loves his friend but is afraid of it being sexual, and that fear is couched in the societal rejection that Ellen doesn't seem to understand still exists. Her rallying cry of "but things are fine now!" is straight privilege, plain and simple. Also, this is 2002. Gay people literally still couldn't get married. The second problem is the way James is portrayed. I still love him, the pretentious cinnamon roll of my youth, but I feel like the author turned him into a manic pixie dream boy. His role in this book is literally to educate Ellen-- not just about gay people, but also to indoctrinate her into a sexual relationship as well, and he's eighteen and she's fourteen, which feels a little weird. His identity is also questionably portrayed. He's been with men and one of them was one of his father's law partners while he was still underage (so problematic), and all three of the men he slept with were to make Ellen's brother jealous. James casually mentions that this was because he knew Link wouldn't get jealous of a girl, which also wasn't explored and felt nearly biphobic to me-- like, he was assuming that because James was gay, any relationship he had with a girl wouldn't be "real." Ellen is kind of like that, but the opposite: she makes a big deal of being the first girl that James slept with, to the point where it almost feels like an extension of the fantasy that some women have of "turning" a gay man straight. Lastly, it's mentioned at some point that James needs to take an AIDS test before sleeping with Ellen, but this is a throwaway comment as well, and we never really hear about that again, although apparently James examines Ellen's hands for papercuts before they do anything, which felt... squicky, like it is underhandedly implying that bisexual/gay equals unclean. that didn't sit right with me.
The writing in this book is incredibly beautiful and wistful and I loved all the literary references. Ellen trying to appear smarter and more sophisticated than she is is one of the most realistic parts of this coming of age memoir, and I thought it was cool how she and James would go places on their dates and just people watch and make up stories about people for their art. Stylistically, it reminds me a lot of Sarah Dessen, and how her heroines always sounded like world-weary bar waitresses instead of teen girls. MY HEARTBEAT is the same way. Ellen does not sound fourteen. The book is easy to read anyway, but in hindsight, it feels more aspirational than age-appropriate. It's also very, very intellectually snobby (which is maybe why I liked it). As others have said, the length is part of the problem. It's under 200 pages long and it felt like every time the author hit on a potentially important talking point, she'd pivot away and go back to the teen romance. Part of me desperately wants to give it a five star rating just because of nostalgia, but it has so many problems that I'm taking off a star.
4 stars
So first, a disclaimer. I feel like a lot of LGBT+ books from the aughts were written with straight/cis people in mind as the primary audience, because often, a straight/cis person is the main character in these books. They aren't questioning their identities or having something happen to them that changes the concept of their own gradually forming identity; usually, in these books, they are questioning an LGBT+ person's identity or the LGBT+ person is something that "happens" to them. Which, admittedly, is hugely problematic. MY HEARTBEAT does this to some extent, but it ages less poorly than books like WHAT HAPPENED TO LANI GARVER and LUNA, in which the leads in both cases are bigots and their relationship with the LGBT+ person is meant to be educational.
MY HEARTBEAT is a short book and the plot is pretty simple. Ellen is the daughter of a WASP-y East Coast family, the sort of family where the kids go to private schools and the dad reads thick books in German for fun. He called Jane Eyre "romantic drivel," so obviously I hated him. Ellen has an older brother named Link, who's a math genius, and the "smart kid" in the family that her parents are pinning all their hopes on. Link has a close friend named James that he does everything with. James is a year older than Link. He's an artist who smokes cigarettes and is given large amounts of money by his absentee family and he basically lives alone. When I was a kid, teen me thought James was living the dream. Anyway, one day, James and Link have a fight, and Ellen starts to question whether James and Link are just friends. When she confronts them about it, they have a bigger fight, and Link ends up storming off in a huff.
The whole thing kind of starts a chain reaction that has everything coming down like a house of cards. Link starts slacking off in classes and basically having a mental breakdown. It turns out that the snobby father wasn't just pressuring Link to do well at math and go to Yale, he also tried to bribe him with "be straight" money, which upsets the mom and Ellen. James comes out to Ellen and says that he likes men and women (the label "bisexual" isn't really used), although he has never had sex with women before. Ellen goes to the library to research "gayness" and learns a lot about Michaelangelo. By the way, this is New York in 2002, but at least the one gay bookstore in New York has a "woke ally" discount (and no, I'm not joking about this-- it's 15%, in case you were wondering). She and James start dating, while Link conspicuously dates a girl and continues fighting with his parents. Eventually, things resolve.
Sort of.
Okay, so I loved this book when I was a kid, and honestly, compared to some of the other LGBT+ books from that era, you can tell this one is trying to be really inoffensive. But it has some problems, and it's been so long since this book came out, I can't tell whether they're a product of the era or just bad writing. First off, the term questioning isn't really used or explored, which I think is what Link is. He loves his friend but is afraid of it being sexual, and that fear is couched in the societal rejection that Ellen doesn't seem to understand still exists. Her rallying cry of "but things are fine now!" is straight privilege, plain and simple. Also, this is 2002. Gay people literally still couldn't get married. The second problem is the way James is portrayed. I still love him, the pretentious cinnamon roll of my youth, but I feel like the author turned him into a manic pixie dream boy. His role in this book is literally to educate Ellen-- not just about gay people, but also to indoctrinate her into a sexual relationship as well, and he's eighteen and she's fourteen, which feels a little weird. His identity is also questionably portrayed. He's been with men and one of them was one of his father's law partners while he was still underage (so problematic), and all three of the men he slept with were to make Ellen's brother jealous. James casually mentions that this was because he knew Link wouldn't get jealous of a girl, which also wasn't explored and felt nearly biphobic to me-- like, he was assuming that because James was gay, any relationship he had with a girl wouldn't be "real." Ellen is kind of like that, but the opposite: she makes a big deal of being the first girl that James slept with, to the point where it almost feels like an extension of the fantasy that some women have of "turning" a gay man straight. Lastly, it's mentioned at some point that James needs to take an AIDS test before sleeping with Ellen, but this is a throwaway comment as well, and we never really hear about that again, although apparently James examines Ellen's hands for papercuts before they do anything, which felt... squicky, like it is underhandedly implying that bisexual/gay equals unclean. that didn't sit right with me.
The writing in this book is incredibly beautiful and wistful and I loved all the literary references. Ellen trying to appear smarter and more sophisticated than she is is one of the most realistic parts of this coming of age memoir, and I thought it was cool how she and James would go places on their dates and just people watch and make up stories about people for their art. Stylistically, it reminds me a lot of Sarah Dessen, and how her heroines always sounded like world-weary bar waitresses instead of teen girls. MY HEARTBEAT is the same way. Ellen does not sound fourteen. The book is easy to read anyway, but in hindsight, it feels more aspirational than age-appropriate. It's also very, very intellectually snobby (which is maybe why I liked it). As others have said, the length is part of the problem. It's under 200 pages long and it felt like every time the author hit on a potentially important talking point, she'd pivot away and go back to the teen romance. Part of me desperately wants to give it a five star rating just because of nostalgia, but it has so many problems that I'm taking off a star.
4 stars
December 19, 2016
This is the first book I ever read due to specific interest in reading about a gay relationship. YA novels featuring teen boys tend to disappoint more often than not anyway, so it took me a while to choose one, wondering who I could trust not to make it gross and explicit. I chose this one after having adored two of her previous novels, and it turned out to be the perfect introduction.
The focus is very much on the girl, and it skirts around the main issue just enough to create plausible deniability. You only get the maybe-love story from an outsider's perspective, and usually you're as confused and uncertain as she is about what the boys are to each other -- which is exactly what makes it work. (that, and maybe I just found her relationship with James preciously sweet and immature)
The focus is very much on the girl, and it skirts around the main issue just enough to create plausible deniability. You only get the maybe-love story from an outsider's perspective, and usually you're as confused and uncertain as she is about what the boys are to each other -- which is exactly what makes it work. (that, and maybe I just found her relationship with James preciously sweet and immature)
October 4, 2017
It should be hard to call a Printz nominee underrated, but this book is. Ellen is a high school freshman in love with her brother Link's best friend, James. It's never been a problem, until a friend at school asks if Link and James are a couple. Are they?
James and Link and their parents have different answers to that question, and in the course of investigating what love is and should be, Ellen also attempts to find her own interests - her own heartbeat. I love love love this book and want everyone to read it. And then read all the books Ellen reads over the course of the novel, starting with The Age of Innocence, starring her namesake.
James and Link and their parents have different answers to that question, and in the course of investigating what love is and should be, Ellen also attempts to find her own interests - her own heartbeat. I love love love this book and want everyone to read it. And then read all the books Ellen reads over the course of the novel, starting with The Age of Innocence, starring her namesake.
August 1, 2016
A decent book. I found the premise to be more promising than the actual book, which is about the complicated emotions between a 14 year old girl, her older brother, and her brother's friend/long-standing crush. The text raises issues about love, loyalty, and learning to be true to yourself. It touches on bisexuality but never says the word, focusing more on the potentially gay brother, and his and his dad's complex emotions around what it means to be gay. It feel a little dated (written in 2002) but it could be more compelling for kids who don't know about the historical persecution of the LGBTQ community and social stigmas regarding the gay community.
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