I Will Survive: Personal gay, lesbian, bisexual & transgender stories in Singapore

by Leow Yangfa (Editor)

“I Will Survive: Personal gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender stories in Singapore” brings together real-life experiences of love, grace, faith, dignity and courage from 21 ordinary people who have survived extraordinary circumstances. Prefacing these stories are contributions from 5 local commentators who share their personal reflections on the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender communities in Singapore. They are: Mrs Juliana Toh, Executive Director of Counselling and Care Centre; Reverend Yap Kim Hao, former Methodist Bishop of Singapore; transgender activist Ms Leona Lo; and former Nominated Members of Parliament Ms Braema Mathi and Mr Siew Kum Hong. The book also contains a glossary of the common terms used to describe the diversity within the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender communities, and a listing of relevant community and professional resources in Singapore. The editor’s proceeds from sales of the ebook will be donated to Oogachaga, a counselling and support service.

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Queer, Gay, Asia

252 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2011

Reviews

[(⁎⚈᷀᷁▿⚈᷀᷁⁎) joelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

i really wished every singaporean has this book in their hands right now. everything about this book is so heartfelt, the reality of being in the lgbt community in singapore and how they are being ostracized and discriminated when they are just the same as everyone. the most humane gift we can give to another is the space to be oneself, everyone has the right to be themselves. though i’m not part of the lgbt community, this book has definitely raised my awareness and understanding. meanwhile, i’m also glad that this book gives an outlet for singapore’s lgbt community to relate to.

[Theo Chen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love reading lived experience of queer people. Especially Singaporean people. Not only because the tapestry of their stories is so intimate, so cozy, so recognizable to me, which makes me feel more at home in this country, but also because of how their stories remind me to lead with kindness, to understand the paths people have walked to meet me where I meet them, and to always keep an open mind to other people and their different experiences of the world. Particularly the stories of trans people in the book solidified my belief in trans rights and my distaste for the othering of trans people so prevalent in the discourse.

[ash | songsforafuturepoet · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm glad that this collection of stories exist. Given how a queer young Singaporean would grow up with little to no literature, media representation, community, or really any other way to explore their gender and sexual identity, this book is necessary. It feels like a warm hug. It sits now proudly on my shelf.

In a country so hostile towards people who are LGBTQIA, I appreciate the work that Leow and many other activists do to bring together the community, provide services, lobby for change, and fight for rights. Leow is a very active member of civil society and the ED of Oogachaga, a NGO that provides counselling and other services for queer folk.

However, I find that this book could have so much more potential if there was a heavier hand in editing and curating the stories. I'm currently reading the The Naysayer's Book Club and I am completely blown away by the first chapter. I'll leave the details for another review but I Will Survive could have taken a leaf out of, well, the book.

[Ann Tonks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm giving this book 5 stars not because of it's literary merit but because it exists. Yes, there are all the flaws that people have mentioned in past reviews - lack of literary finesse because the stories are by non-professional writers; unbalance in gender etc - but to collect and tell the stories about LGBTIQ people in a society where there are still laws that oppress them is a powerful act in itself.

[Sean Goh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some initial thoughts after reading this collection of stories (most, if not all anonymous):

The writers contribute anonymously not just because they are wary of being judged, but because they do not want to out their parents as having LGBT children.

Siblings are way more chill about one coming out of the closet. Most of the reactions amount to "Oh, that's cool." Perhaps cuz they don't have the added baggage of realising that their genes won't be continuing to another generation through one of their own progeny.

It is quite disheartening to see the sheer amount of rejection the writers have experienced from all the people one would expect to love unconditionally. Their parents, their best friends, their teachers, the counselors supposed to maintain confidentiality but end up spreading their orientation throughout the school, the church. It is cruelty, plain and simple, to reject those expecting love and understanding from you.

____
Some quotes:
Such is the strength of relationships, it can both give life and take life. The most humane gift we can give to another - the space to be oneself.

As students we spend more time in school than at home. If we don't wish to come out to our parents, the next group of adults we are in constant contact with are our teachers.

Be compassionate to yourself, even as you're being patient with others.

Connecting religion with sexuality is really about being comfortable with who you are, rather than living with those painful feelings of guilt, and then trying to embrace religion into your life.

These unpleasant things that happen to you may stay with you for life, but they can only make you stronger than others, giving you wisdom that they lack.

When it comes to ending transgender discrimination, I believe in education instead of depending on legislation alone. The first thing I want people to know is that we do not choose to become transgender. We don't wake up one day and decide that it's cool to be a trans-man. We all know we don't have a choice. Sometimes we are just made that way. That's the thing I hope people will understand, because with understanding comes acceptance.

Friendship is an important thing. I can't end our friendship, as I can't see you suffer alone. We may be different in the way we think, but as fellow human beings, we're just like each other. I still see you as the same person, and you're still my friend.

The reason that kept me from telling them (about the author's bipolar disorder) was simple. They never really asked.

[Gabriel Pereira · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was one of the top 3 borrowed books from Pelangi Pride Centre, a LGBTQ resource library in Singapore. It’s a collection of reflections from prominent allies and members of the LGBTQ community, as well as stories from 21 LBGTQ individuals.

Through this book, I was able to add other books to my tbr and learn about active individuals who support the LGBTQ community. It also includes a glossary of appropriate terms and inappropriate language, some of which was new and insightful to me. There are also local resources for LGBTQ people in Singapore included at the end of the book.

Reading this book more than a decade after its publication, I feel all the more sorry for my ignorance previously. And it was the stories of the individuals and their experiences that moved me the most. I think I’ve been fortunate as a minority in Singapore never to experience such distinct forms of racism, homophobia or transphobia.

However, the common denominator in all these stories was the resilience of the individuals. Their journeys to overcome gender dysphoria and discrimination, how they coped with loneliness and mental health issues, self-harm and suicide ideation. There were also many mentions of religion and how these individuals were able to accept over time that they were created uniquely, and able to accept and love themselves first.

I hope that wherever they are today, these individuals are not just surviving, but thriving. And I’m thankful to the author for compiling this collection to both educate and enlighten the rest of us. May we continue to strive to be one united nation, regardless of race, language, religion, gender identity or sexual orientation.

[spiacente · Rating 4 out of 5]

Picked up this book because it was the recommended book of the week, and it has proven a very interesting read. I was expecting just stories about the LGBT community and their struggles, and there was plenty of that, but there were also stories that focussed on other topics, and other minority groups, like those who have been sexually assaulted, those who have sex addictions, and those who are HIV positive. The stories about transgenderism intrigued me the most because it is a topic that I have always been curious about but never really understood fully, and now I feel like I know much more about the pains that one has to go through to just become who you are naturally supposed to feel like. It's crazy how anyone could think that it is really a choice on these people's part, or a call out for attention - who would want to waste so much money and time, and go through so much suffering just to get attention? You could get that in so many other easier ways. Ugh. Anyway, I do really like the book, and I wish more people would read it.

[Astrid Claudia · Rating 5 out of 5]

With the rise of the far right, openly rejecting the existence of the LGBTQ, I think this is a kind of book that many people should read. Right from the heart of the persons, they told us their stories, struggle, and the darkest side dwelling with their fear of people rejecting their true selves.

Put aside the LGBTQ, they are just human, just like any of us. They eat, drink, breathe, just like every day people. It's not like they hit on everybody they met on the street. Or 24 hours thinking about having sexual activity.

They still pray. They have families. They exist, and they are all around us. Regardless what every religion says about them, everybody deserves to live and coexist.

[Jean · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book, while somewhat dated, documents the significant struggles of being part of the LGBTQIA+ community in Singapore. The intersection of the individual's sexual identity with other significant milestones or identities in their lives from national service to religion provides an insider's lens on how they navigated these struggles of their own. Someone shared that perhaps trigger warnings should've been provided, so do note that some chapters contain intimate and detailed descriptions of suicidal ideations and other potentially triggering topics such as drugs, sex and other mental health conditions.

[YL · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a collection of 20+ short stories. At some point things got repetitive because many themes kept reoccurring: bullying, suicidal thoughts, the struggle with religion, the difficulty in coming out etc (but I'm not complaining! These are lived experiences and the fact that these themes reoccur speaks volumes). The story that struck me most was a detailed recount of transitioning.

Regardless, since this was published nearly 10 years ago, I hope/believe many things have improved since then.

[Lauren Putt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some very moving and inspirational stories! Opens your eyes to the difficulties and struggles faced by members of the LGBT+ community and how their bravery, resilience and being true to themselves helped to overcome them.

[Ron Tan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enduring, emotional and encouraging. Different stories from different walks of life makes this book an interesting and intriguing read. A good and broad perspective of the LGBTQ community in Singapore.

[Kate Walton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not what I was expecting, but I think I am not the intended audience. I realise the writers are not professional writers but their work could have done with a bit more direction from editors.

[Vida Sioson · Rating 4 out of 5]

A collection of stories that shed light to the experiences of LGBTQ+ in Singapore. An important book to read, perhaps especially if you are not part of this community.

[J · Rating 2 out of 5]

It can be quite moving for those who can relate to these struggles, and is especially helpful for those who are still facing these issues. Given that there are little, if any at all, resources that collect voices from the community, I highly recommend it to any LGBTQ Singaporean who are still coming to terms with their identities.

That said, this is not a read I will recommend to anyone unfamiliar with the wide range of the LGBTQ experience, and/or with queer politics. I'm disappointed with the editorial portrayal of "women's experience", suggesting that women have an easier time than men. Really? Yes, men have the added pressures of hyper-masculinity in male-dominant environments (NS and boys' schools), but notice that the women are primarily represented as the "voices of grace" to contrast the men's heartbreaking stories. The experiences with suicide, depression, conflicts of honour with self-actualisation, duty against happiness--women share them too.

(And that's not to mention the implication, of that specific "women's voices" section, that transwomen don't count as women. Or that trans* and women have stories to share only within their own special sections, and not in the others.)

[Ryu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every Singaporean, queer or not, should read this. As a queer Singaporean myself, this book truly showed me how much we need inclusive sex education and open access to LGBT+ resources. I came across LGBT+ resources on the Internet a whole year before I realised I was queer. For people who didn't have the exposure I did, I hope that they can find this book and see themselves in it and know they are not alone.

"With all due respect, keeping an unjust law on the books eats away at the credibility and integrity of the law."

It really doesn't matter what your stance on gay people is; even if it is against the law, it's not going to stop gay people from existing and having consensual sex. Penal code 377a must and should be repealed. For Singapore to progress, we have to leave this outdated law behind.

[Fabian Tan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked up this book with expectations of stories of empowerment, triumph, and assurance, given the title and reviews of the book, but was rather disappointed. Many of these stories were mere accounts of what happened in their lives - not all of which adverse to a point of requiring survival. That is not to say that their experiences weren't painful for them, but I felt it didn't connect with the title - it's like buying chili padi but getting chili sauce. Besides, I felt that many of these accounts tried to squeeze too much in too little space, leaving me wondering what exactly the point was. Perhaps because these authors aren't professional writers? Regardles, just pick out the selected few that are interesting and good, and leave the rest out.

[Jeclectic · Rating 2 out of 5]

One third into the book and it dawned on me that the stories were more of a reflecting, accounting nature of the individual experience. There were a few common themes throughout the stories which got repetitive in nature.

To sum it up, the takeaway message for me is Life Goes On, synonymous as the title of the book. The stories are likely meant to encourage the LGBT community, but from a selfish reader point of view, I would have preferred stories with varied endings. Surely some have ended in tragedy, for that in itself would have a intrinsic value in the insights we could peer at.

[Crystal · Rating 3 out of 5]

This series of first person accounts paint a picture of what its like to be gay in Singapore. Be warned that there is lots of frank discussion about shaming, attempts at conversion therapy, and suicidal thoughts.

It's not perfect-woman are underrepresented, for example.

It is, however, a sampling taken from Yangfa's larger project-the I will Survive SG blog, which continues to be updates with new first person accounts.

[Lim]

Liked that there were many perspectives weaved into one's experience of homosexuality - activist, indignant victim of bullying, religious, legal, so on.

[Arlette Teo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great insights

[Cecilia Li · Rating 5 out of 5]

=)