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Unwrap My Heart: or It's Time For Mummies
Sofia is just a normal highschool girl, worried about getting her homework done and looking cool in the lunchroom, when HE shows up: a devastatingly handsome new kid, mysteriously covered in decaying bandages and staring at her from the empty holes where his eyes should be.
She thinks he's just a hipster, but is there more to this handsome stranger than meets the eye?
Yes. He's a mummy.
We're not really making a secret about this. The twist is he's a mummy. It's a book about a girl who falls in love with a mummy.
We've read books young adult books about teenage girls unknowingly falling in love with vampires, werewolves, angels, demons, fairies, mermen, warlocks, dreamwalkers, and trolls. Seriously, there was one about trolls.
It's time for mummies, dammit. It's time for mummies.
She thinks he's just a hipster, but is there more to this handsome stranger than meets the eye?
Yes. He's a mummy.
We're not really making a secret about this. The twist is he's a mummy. It's a book about a girl who falls in love with a mummy.
We've read books young adult books about teenage girls unknowingly falling in love with vampires, werewolves, angels, demons, fairies, mermen, warlocks, dreamwalkers, and trolls. Seriously, there was one about trolls.
It's time for mummies, dammit. It's time for mummies.
176 pages, Paperback
First published November 8, 2016
99 people are currently reading
2505 people want to read
About the author
Alex Falcone
2 books37 followersHi, friend! I’m Alex, the only comedian and writer living in Los Angeles.
I started comedy in Portland, OR where I lived for many years, eventually winning Portland’s Funniest Person in 2018 and getting an ice cream flavor named after me by Salt & Straw, which is one of MANY things I have in common with The Rock.
I appeared in several episodes of Portlandia as one of Fred’s nerdy friends and I recently made my late night debut on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert where I mostly just talked about how rad my wife is.
I’m the author of a young-adult romance novel about a mummy called Unwrap My Heart that Publisher’s Weekly called “unfortunate” and was briefly an Amazon best seller after I made a TikTok about it.
Despite these modest accomplishments, I’ve somehow remained down to earth and approachable.
I started comedy in Portland, OR where I lived for many years, eventually winning Portland’s Funniest Person in 2018 and getting an ice cream flavor named after me by Salt & Straw, which is one of MANY things I have in common with The Rock.
I appeared in several episodes of Portlandia as one of Fred’s nerdy friends and I recently made my late night debut on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert where I mostly just talked about how rad my wife is.
I’m the author of a young-adult romance novel about a mummy called Unwrap My Heart that Publisher’s Weekly called “unfortunate” and was briefly an Amazon best seller after I made a TikTok about it.
Despite these modest accomplishments, I’ve somehow remained down to earth and approachable.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 323 reviews
February 2, 2022
Found it on TikTok and it's the most hilarious book I've ever read😂
July 26, 2018
If you liked Twilight, but thought there weren't enough jokes and that Bella was WAY too dense and clumsy, and that perhaps it would be better with a different type of supernatural love interest, someone who likes a dry climate and enjoys the finer things in life, like linen and not being near water, but who is STILL devastatingly mysterious and offers all the high school drama and romantic tension that you could cut with a golf club...this is the book for you.
December 10, 2016
It’s almost too easy to write a vampire YA romance. Real authors tackle the hard romances, like mummies. How does a clumsy teenage girl fall for a thousands-year-old mummified but reanimated corpse? You’ll have to read Unwrap My Heart to find out.
Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book because I am a Meat Buddy, i.e., I have pledged a small amount of money every month to Read It and Weep , the podcast that Alex Falcone and Ezra Fox do along with Chris and Tanya Smith. And even if their podcast were not a highlight of my week, this book alone makes that pledge well worth my money.
Fox and Falcone have put their years of reading bad books and watching bad movies and TV on behalf of their listeners to good use. This book is just delightful. It walks the line between parody and an actual, heartfelt story in a way I wasn’t expecting. As with the material from which they drew inspiration (particularly Twilight), the protagonist, Sofia, is a klutzy and rather uninteresting character—but the side characters more than make up for that. Sofia’s dad is a mustache-sporting and laid-back fellow, except when it comes to the dangers of boys and salmonella. Sofia’s best friend, Duncan, is an amateur archaeologist who has already made a name for himself in the field before even graduating high school—and let’s not even mention his huge collection of cast phalluses. Hearing these characters’ backstories and seeing how they interact with Sofia is invariably hilarious.
There are so many good lines in here that if I quoted them all I’d probably be in violation of the copyright. I loved how Sofia’s dad explains why it’s always important for her to keep pepper-spray on her person: “Show me a problem that can’t be Maced, and I’ll show you a mugger with goggles”. Or, a bit earlier in the book, when he learns that a school project prevents her from going on a weekend camping trip, he says, “Ah, School Dad told you that? He’s worse than Strict Dad. Probably should listen to him”.
The thing is, these lines are meant to be funny (and they are). But exchanges like this, pervasive as they are throughout the book, also feel so real. This is how I have conversations with my friends, with my dad even. We’re funny with each other in a way that dialogue in many other YA novels (including Twilight) doesn’t capture. Maybe it should come as no surprise that a comedian like Falcone is good at coming up with one-liners. Nevertheless, it’s hard to land those lines so often, especially amid Real Talk™.
Take, for example, the exchange between Duncan and Sofia mid-way through the book. I love that Falcone gets to exorcise a long-running complaint of his on the podcast when it comes to the term “love triangle”:
I love this scene, because even as Duncan is calling Sofia special because he’s trying to admit he’s in love with her (oh, it’s not a spoiler, like you didn’t guess that was coming from page 1), he’s also reinforcing the trope that Sofia is Special in that way only teenaged YA protagonists in paranormal romances can be. And, for what it’s worth, I agree with Falcone that “love triangle” is rather inaccurate.
Other things I enjoyed about Unwrap My Heart include the running gag that everyone mistakes Seth for a hipster instead of a mummy, as well as the suspiciously consistent denial that any other supernatural creatures exist. I liked that the villain was largely incompetent but that Sofia and friends had a hard time defeating him, at least at first, because they have about as much experience with fighting a supervillain bent on world domination as you might expect. Also, how everyone in Rock Ridge except Sofia seems to be part of a bird-appreciation club with weekly meetings.
Finally, let’s talk about sex. As soon as Sofia discovers Seth’s “secret” (that he is a mummy, if you haven’t already caught on), the very first thing she considers is how this will affect having sex with him. Which seems like such an honest thing for a YA protagonist to think about. Stephenie Meyer goes from skirting the issue in Twilight to having to explain it in … err … gory detail in Breaking Dawn. I love how proactive Sofia is, what with her searching the Internet for anything remotely useful. Similarly, I love the dream epilogue at the end and how it gives Sofia agency.
Reading this book is like listening to an episode of the podcast. It’s smart and funny and a relaxing escape from all the mellow-harshing reality we have going on in 2016. It takes a lot of work to write parody prose that is neither so over-the-top it implodes upon itself nor so clever it twists back on itself like an ouroboros of comedy and turns into legitimately good fiction. But you don’t have to be a Read It and Weep listener to enjoy this book or its jokes.
I’m a little disappointed that Falcone and Fox did not include a helicopter named Charlie Tango, and I can only hope they rectify that in the sequel.
Speaking of sequels, if they don’t want to do a direct sequel to Unwrap My Heart, I’d love to see their take on a time-travel story—maybe Chris would have some input on that, given the amount he and Alex have discussed time travel. Or perhaps the next Completely Legitimate Publishing novel could involve a pro wrestler turned actor turned action hero…. Or will we finally see the prose debut of Space Shark? Whatever it is, I would also love to see some LGBTQIA+ characters. Spoofing hetero YA romance is all well and good, but I know Falcone and Fox can find a way to make their parody romance more inclusive.
Whatever the next adventure is, I will be there.
Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book because I am a Meat Buddy, i.e., I have pledged a small amount of money every month to Read It and Weep , the podcast that Alex Falcone and Ezra Fox do along with Chris and Tanya Smith. And even if their podcast were not a highlight of my week, this book alone makes that pledge well worth my money.
Fox and Falcone have put their years of reading bad books and watching bad movies and TV on behalf of their listeners to good use. This book is just delightful. It walks the line between parody and an actual, heartfelt story in a way I wasn’t expecting. As with the material from which they drew inspiration (particularly Twilight), the protagonist, Sofia, is a klutzy and rather uninteresting character—but the side characters more than make up for that. Sofia’s dad is a mustache-sporting and laid-back fellow, except when it comes to the dangers of boys and salmonella. Sofia’s best friend, Duncan, is an amateur archaeologist who has already made a name for himself in the field before even graduating high school—and let’s not even mention his huge collection of cast phalluses. Hearing these characters’ backstories and seeing how they interact with Sofia is invariably hilarious.
There are so many good lines in here that if I quoted them all I’d probably be in violation of the copyright. I loved how Sofia’s dad explains why it’s always important for her to keep pepper-spray on her person: “Show me a problem that can’t be Maced, and I’ll show you a mugger with goggles”. Or, a bit earlier in the book, when he learns that a school project prevents her from going on a weekend camping trip, he says, “Ah, School Dad told you that? He’s worse than Strict Dad. Probably should listen to him”.
The thing is, these lines are meant to be funny (and they are). But exchanges like this, pervasive as they are throughout the book, also feel so real. This is how I have conversations with my friends, with my dad even. We’re funny with each other in a way that dialogue in many other YA novels (including Twilight) doesn’t capture. Maybe it should come as no surprise that a comedian like Falcone is good at coming up with one-liners. Nevertheless, it’s hard to land those lines so often, especially amid Real Talk™.
Take, for example, the exchange between Duncan and Sofia mid-way through the book. I love that Falcone gets to exorcise a long-running complaint of his on the podcast when it comes to the term “love triangle”:
“It literally never occurred to me that Princess Beige would ever be in a love triangle.”
“It’s really more like a love angle since Seth and I aren’t also dating. It’s just two lines pointing toward you.”
“That makes sense geometrically, I guess. Except Sofia’s 1st law is that no lines ever point toward me.”
“Sofia, you are so smart about everything besides judging people, and that includes yourself. You don’t have any idea how special you are.”
I love this scene, because even as Duncan is calling Sofia special because he’s trying to admit he’s in love with her (oh, it’s not a spoiler, like you didn’t guess that was coming from page 1), he’s also reinforcing the trope that Sofia is Special in that way only teenaged YA protagonists in paranormal romances can be. And, for what it’s worth, I agree with Falcone that “love triangle” is rather inaccurate.
Other things I enjoyed about Unwrap My Heart include the running gag that everyone mistakes Seth for a hipster instead of a mummy, as well as the suspiciously consistent denial that any other supernatural creatures exist. I liked that the villain was largely incompetent but that Sofia and friends had a hard time defeating him, at least at first, because they have about as much experience with fighting a supervillain bent on world domination as you might expect. Also, how everyone in Rock Ridge except Sofia seems to be part of a bird-appreciation club with weekly meetings.
Finally, let’s talk about sex. As soon as Sofia discovers Seth’s “secret” (that he is a mummy, if you haven’t already caught on), the very first thing she considers is how this will affect having sex with him. Which seems like such an honest thing for a YA protagonist to think about. Stephenie Meyer goes from skirting the issue in Twilight to having to explain it in … err … gory detail in Breaking Dawn. I love how proactive Sofia is, what with her searching the Internet for anything remotely useful. Similarly, I love the dream epilogue at the end and how it gives Sofia agency.
Reading this book is like listening to an episode of the podcast. It’s smart and funny and a relaxing escape from all the mellow-harshing reality we have going on in 2016. It takes a lot of work to write parody prose that is neither so over-the-top it implodes upon itself nor so clever it twists back on itself like an ouroboros of comedy and turns into legitimately good fiction. But you don’t have to be a Read It and Weep listener to enjoy this book or its jokes.
I’m a little disappointed that Falcone and Fox did not include a helicopter named Charlie Tango, and I can only hope they rectify that in the sequel.
Speaking of sequels, if they don’t want to do a direct sequel to Unwrap My Heart, I’d love to see their take on a time-travel story—maybe Chris would have some input on that, given the amount he and Alex have discussed time travel. Or perhaps the next Completely Legitimate Publishing novel could involve a pro wrestler turned actor turned action hero…. Or will we finally see the prose debut of Space Shark? Whatever it is, I would also love to see some LGBTQIA+ characters. Spoofing hetero YA romance is all well and good, but I know Falcone and Fox can find a way to make their parody romance more inclusive.
Whatever the next adventure is, I will be there.
February 2, 2022
This is the funniest book that I have read in a VERY long time! I started reading this book completely ironically, and am (not) ashamed to say that I will be recommending this book un-ironically from now on.
Unwrap My Heart is a parody of YA romance involving a normal high school girl that meets a sexy, mysterious boy who ends up being some sort of monster, but in this book the monster is a mummy.
I have never laughed so hard while reading a book in my life! This book had me actually belly laughing to the point that I had to set the book down because of how hard I was laughing! Coming in at under 200 pages, this is the perfect light-hearted binge read when you just need a good giggle. Given that this book was written as a joke, the editing could be (a lot) better, but if we’re being honest, the editing had hardly any impact of my enjoyment of this book.
Enjoy some of my favorite quotes:
“How could you not trust those deep dark eye-areas and all that fabric hiding the area around them? He had honest eyeholes”
“He was MY 5,000-year-old reanimated corpse.”
“Then he wipes his mouth with his sleeve so my saliva doesn’t ruin centuries of careful preservation.”
Unwrap My Heart is a parody of YA romance involving a normal high school girl that meets a sexy, mysterious boy who ends up being some sort of monster, but in this book the monster is a mummy.
I have never laughed so hard while reading a book in my life! This book had me actually belly laughing to the point that I had to set the book down because of how hard I was laughing! Coming in at under 200 pages, this is the perfect light-hearted binge read when you just need a good giggle. Given that this book was written as a joke, the editing could be (a lot) better, but if we’re being honest, the editing had hardly any impact of my enjoyment of this book.
Enjoy some of my favorite quotes:
“How could you not trust those deep dark eye-areas and all that fabric hiding the area around them? He had honest eyeholes”
“He was MY 5,000-year-old reanimated corpse.”
“Then he wipes his mouth with his sleeve so my saliva doesn’t ruin centuries of careful preservation.”
August 17, 2023
The single longest nasal exhalation I’ve ever breathed. The best part was when I finished the book and killed a mosquito with it.
Want to read
August 16, 2023hi i really want to read this
November 30, 2016
When I first scammed a free review copy of Unwrap My Heart, I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into. Sure, co-authors Alex Falcone and Ezra Fox have shown, across hundreds of episodes of the Read It and Weep podcast, that they are great at dissecting bad books. But, as I discovered about halfway through performing my own knee surgery to save money, putting things together is a lot harder than taking things apart.
Unwrap My Heart is a YA supernatural parody romance, first conceived on the Read It and Weep podcast. The book is narrated from the perspective of high schooler Sophia, who finds herself falling in love with the new guy Seth—who's pretty obviously a secret mummy. The sunken, hollow eyes and bandages are a bit of a giveaway, though most people pass it off as a hipster affectation. Sophia, for her part, is accident prone to the point of constant self-endangerment, so vacuous that you wonder what Seth could possibly see in her, and entirely unperturbed as Seth graduates from creepy stalker behavior, to infantilizing her, to outright manipulation by selective refusal to communicate.
If any of this sounds oddly familiar, it's because Unwrap My Heart rarely strays from its chief well of parody: the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. Even when it does depart, it does so with a nod (or perhaps a middle finger) to the popular series about a hundred-year-old vampire dating a teenage girl. Take the moment when Seth clears up some confusion regarding his own age: "We're basically the same age. Which is good, really. Monster or no, if I was hundreds or thousands of years older than you this would be a really troubling relationship."
But is Unwrap My Heart any good? And have I been stalling on answering that question, in the hopes of screwing with the authors' heads, playing upon their emotional and artistic investment for no better reason than my own sadistic pleasure? The answer to both questions is a resounding "yes," and if you've forgotten what the first question even was, let me reiterate: I loved every page of this wonderful little book.
The voice of Unwrap My Heart is reminiscent of the playful, sarcastic tone of a Read It and Weep episode, and I was pleased to discover that the authors' skill at podcasting is matched by a skill for novel-writing. The book has a coherent, satisfying, and well-paced plot. The prose is smooth. The jokes come frequently enough to keep you chuckling, but not so thick as to take you out of the story, or to turn it into a hollow farce. Against all odds, a couple of podcasters decided to base their first novel on an off-hand joke from the show, and somehow managed to create a real page turner.
The one area where the book falls short is in the characters. While they are undeniably interesting, for the most part they aren't terribly engaging. Considering the book's core purpose—to satirize the genre and make a mockery of fantasy writers tapping ever-more-outlandish creatures for teenage girls to have a problematic romance with—it's hard to fault the authors for this. But I will fault them, both because they chose their premise and now must live with it, and because it turns out I'm kind of a jerk.
The great shortcoming in the characters is that, for the most part, they're simply not characters. Instead, they're jokey reflections of characters from other books. Sophia's dad is warm-hearted, devoted, and rocks an amazing mustache because the dad in Twilight has these traits. Motivations and hobbies seem to exist solely to service a joke or reference. I could easily forgive this if the book was a farce through and through, but there's a welcome thread of sincerity weaved into its pages which makes you want to care about these characters, while the characters themselves give you little to care about.
But this is not a fatal flaw. Despite the weak characters, Unwrap My Heart is an absolute delight to read. It's a balm for these trying times and an antidote to the abusive romances found in so much bestselling YA fiction. I found myself staying up late, walking to the store with my nose buried in my Kindle, and reading in a parked car for so long that my neighbors worried I was having a stroke, because I just couldn't put it down.
In short, I highly recommend this book and I can't wait to see what these folks cook up next.
Unwrap My Heart is a YA supernatural parody romance, first conceived on the Read It and Weep podcast. The book is narrated from the perspective of high schooler Sophia, who finds herself falling in love with the new guy Seth—who's pretty obviously a secret mummy. The sunken, hollow eyes and bandages are a bit of a giveaway, though most people pass it off as a hipster affectation. Sophia, for her part, is accident prone to the point of constant self-endangerment, so vacuous that you wonder what Seth could possibly see in her, and entirely unperturbed as Seth graduates from creepy stalker behavior, to infantilizing her, to outright manipulation by selective refusal to communicate.
If any of this sounds oddly familiar, it's because Unwrap My Heart rarely strays from its chief well of parody: the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. Even when it does depart, it does so with a nod (or perhaps a middle finger) to the popular series about a hundred-year-old vampire dating a teenage girl. Take the moment when Seth clears up some confusion regarding his own age: "We're basically the same age. Which is good, really. Monster or no, if I was hundreds or thousands of years older than you this would be a really troubling relationship."
But is Unwrap My Heart any good? And have I been stalling on answering that question, in the hopes of screwing with the authors' heads, playing upon their emotional and artistic investment for no better reason than my own sadistic pleasure? The answer to both questions is a resounding "yes," and if you've forgotten what the first question even was, let me reiterate: I loved every page of this wonderful little book.
The voice of Unwrap My Heart is reminiscent of the playful, sarcastic tone of a Read It and Weep episode, and I was pleased to discover that the authors' skill at podcasting is matched by a skill for novel-writing. The book has a coherent, satisfying, and well-paced plot. The prose is smooth. The jokes come frequently enough to keep you chuckling, but not so thick as to take you out of the story, or to turn it into a hollow farce. Against all odds, a couple of podcasters decided to base their first novel on an off-hand joke from the show, and somehow managed to create a real page turner.
The one area where the book falls short is in the characters. While they are undeniably interesting, for the most part they aren't terribly engaging. Considering the book's core purpose—to satirize the genre and make a mockery of fantasy writers tapping ever-more-outlandish creatures for teenage girls to have a problematic romance with—it's hard to fault the authors for this. But I will fault them, both because they chose their premise and now must live with it, and because it turns out I'm kind of a jerk.
The great shortcoming in the characters is that, for the most part, they're simply not characters. Instead, they're jokey reflections of characters from other books. Sophia's dad is warm-hearted, devoted, and rocks an amazing mustache because the dad in Twilight has these traits. Motivations and hobbies seem to exist solely to service a joke or reference. I could easily forgive this if the book was a farce through and through, but there's a welcome thread of sincerity weaved into its pages which makes you want to care about these characters, while the characters themselves give you little to care about.
But this is not a fatal flaw. Despite the weak characters, Unwrap My Heart is an absolute delight to read. It's a balm for these trying times and an antidote to the abusive romances found in so much bestselling YA fiction. I found myself staying up late, walking to the store with my nose buried in my Kindle, and reading in a parked car for so long that my neighbors worried I was having a stroke, because I just couldn't put it down.
In short, I highly recommend this book and I can't wait to see what these folks cook up next.
February 1, 2022
the writers said it was a joke, the only reason i read it (still 10/10 tho)
April 23, 2018
Wreszcie przeczytałam parodię, która nie krzyczy "hej, jestem parodią i masz się ze mnie śmiać!", jeśli wiecie o czym mówię. :D
Mniej lub bardziej subtelne nawiązania do wielu znanych nam z paranormalnych romansów motywów może nie wywołają u czytelnika salwy śmiechu, ale na pewno niejednokrotnie zostaną wynagrodzone jego uśmiechem.
Chciałabym, by na naszym rynku było więcej książek takich jak ta. :)
Mniej lub bardziej subtelne nawiązania do wielu znanych nam z paranormalnych romansów motywów może nie wywołają u czytelnika salwy śmiechu, ale na pewno niejednokrotnie zostaną wynagrodzone jego uśmiechem.
Chciałabym, by na naszym rynku było więcej książek takich jak ta. :)
October 5, 2023
This isn't a book to take seriously even the author said it was a joke and this was a fun entertaining book to read while wine drunk
October 8, 2023
Very few things this year have given me such joy. Truly a delight.
March 15, 2024
“I could stare into the blank space where his eyes should be all day.”
My husband saw this book on TikTok and got it for me for Christmas. I had never heard of it before. (Perhaps if I had been privy to any TikTok hype my impression of it could have been different, but we’ll never know.)
But once I saw the blurb on the front calling the book ‘Unfortunate’ and saw that these two comedians and writers decided to give the people what they wanted: a love story about a girl who falls in love with a mummy, I was in!
It truly is the story no one asked for and they play the best parts up in the best way.
You don’t read this book because you want to read a love story. You read it because it’s absurd and the authors know it. It’s only 173 pages so they don’t even ask for a big time commitment.
(Plus the authors really did their research on tropes, because they even got the main character named Sofia which is one of my prompts for my Reading Challenge because every author has a book with a character named Sofia.)
I think my favorite part might be the fact that Sofia has no idea that Seth is a mummy. The eye voids, the dust, the body wrapping, the desert-y smell. He must be a hipster, she thinks. And I can totally see the correlation. Hipsters are their own breed for sure.
My second favorite thing was the African sacred ibis. If you know, you know. And I’ve played a lot of Wingspan, so I should have known, but I’m pretty sure the base game is only North American birds and my expansion is Asian birds so I think I’m off the hook on this one. But I should probably go check…
So yeah, the new kid in school is mysterious. They fall in love immediately. Her best friend is a boy who is also in love with her but has been friend-zoned. The boyfriend gets kidnapped and so her and her best friend obviously run head first into danger to save him. Throw in some Egyptian mythology and boom, you have yourself a one-of-a-kind love story.
But if you’re not a fan of magic, don’t worry… it’s ONLY in regards to mummies. So it’s fine.
The Rundown
Sofia’s main character trait can be summed up as such: ‘word vomit.’ As the reader we get to experience her running inner dialogue with herself, but she also just speaks her thoughts out loud with no filter or abbreviation so everyone in her life basically has the same information as us.
Her second main character trait is an overproduction of saliva which I can one hundred percent relate too. I personally sometimes refer to my mouth as a water trough, and that’s probably gross to share here, but in the service of transparency and sharing in Sofia’s fictional vulnerability, there ya go.
But she does love cats and hates mini golf, so though I can respect the author’s decision to make her a flawed character, they did make some sad choices in flaws and I’m working through it.
At the very least she has a realistic view of cats:
“Like most cats, he’s a narcoleptic sociopath…”
Her dad is a pretty awesome character. He’s a weatherman…
“My dad was tall with strong arms from pointing at maps that don’t exist.”
…with an affinity for Mace…
“‘Well just remember what I always say—’’Yeah I know: Spare the Mace, spoil the boyfriend.’”’Sometimes I think you want to solve all your problems with Mace.’’Show me a problem that can’t be Maced, and I’ll show you a mugger with goggles.’”
… who gives great advice…
“‘If you feel stupid, it usually means you’ve learned something and you’re less stupid now.’”
Duncan is her friend-zoned admirer who can’t comprehend why she would rather love a mummy then him, her best friend who knows her so well and has been with her basically her whole life and through all the trauma of her mom walking out on her and her dad.
“I kinda sorta didn’t talk to Duncan at all for a few weeks. I felt more than a little bad. ‘A lot bad’ wouldn’t be overstating it, but it would be bad grammar.”
“I’m a living human your own age. That’s a huge thing right there: I’m alive. Isn’t that something you look for in a boyfriend?”
And then we have Seth, the dreamy mummy from thousands of years ago.
“One thing I knew for sure was how he made me feel. Different. Like tingly and allergic, but in a good way. I considered whether or not to tell him he seemed like benevolent ragweed and thought better of it.”
“How could you not trust those deep dark eye-areas and all that fabric hiding the area around them? He had honest eyeholes.”
But their love affair is not without its challenges. He keeps disappearing with no explanation, leaving Sofia hurt and confused.
“The love of my life was opening up to me about genealogy, and then I said something racist, and he was gone.”
“If he’s embarrassed to be kissing a girl who doesn’t wear cool bandages and dusty perfumes and know about other countries, that’s his problem.”
If the people who claimed to love her had just given her a smidge bit more information, they could have avoided a whole big mess of danger and violence. Per usual, without all the facts people do stupid things. Information is power. Speculation is worse than facts. Who knew?
“‘I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you everything sooner. I hoped I could avoid this kind of violent showdown by keeping you in the dark. I see now that this was the inevitable result of any relationship that lacks communication. Just stay calm and after we escape this, I’ll be open about my feelings and my needs. Promise.’”
Recommendation
I thought this was a funny, fun short read. It’s not a literary masterpiece. It’s not a heartfelt love story. But it’s a parody on the mythical creature love stories in a way that highlights some of the absurdity in these tropes.
There’s not really anything I took an issue with because my expectations were very low.
I get a kick out of reading some of the bad reviews because they complain that the book is stupid or that there is no character development or that the main character is so dense and correct me if I’m wrong… but is that not the point?
I perceive this book as a joke project the authors concocted while eating Chipotle and thought it would be hilarious to publish. I feel like they probably wrote it more for their own entertainment then to actually create a cult following for the mummy love story trope.
Don’t overthink it. Just accept it for what it is and have a good laugh and then move on with your life. It’s what they would want for you.
Again, it’s a short read and if you’re looking for a little chuckle in between reads, I would definitely recommend it!
[Content Advisory: a few swear words and some awkward inner thought speculation on sex with a mummy but nothing graphic and is presented in more of a humorous rather than erotic way]
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My husband saw this book on TikTok and got it for me for Christmas. I had never heard of it before. (Perhaps if I had been privy to any TikTok hype my impression of it could have been different, but we’ll never know.)
But once I saw the blurb on the front calling the book ‘Unfortunate’ and saw that these two comedians and writers decided to give the people what they wanted: a love story about a girl who falls in love with a mummy, I was in!
It truly is the story no one asked for and they play the best parts up in the best way.
You don’t read this book because you want to read a love story. You read it because it’s absurd and the authors know it. It’s only 173 pages so they don’t even ask for a big time commitment.
(Plus the authors really did their research on tropes, because they even got the main character named Sofia which is one of my prompts for my Reading Challenge because every author has a book with a character named Sofia.)
I think my favorite part might be the fact that Sofia has no idea that Seth is a mummy. The eye voids, the dust, the body wrapping, the desert-y smell. He must be a hipster, she thinks. And I can totally see the correlation. Hipsters are their own breed for sure.
My second favorite thing was the African sacred ibis. If you know, you know. And I’ve played a lot of Wingspan, so I should have known, but I’m pretty sure the base game is only North American birds and my expansion is Asian birds so I think I’m off the hook on this one. But I should probably go check…
So yeah, the new kid in school is mysterious. They fall in love immediately. Her best friend is a boy who is also in love with her but has been friend-zoned. The boyfriend gets kidnapped and so her and her best friend obviously run head first into danger to save him. Throw in some Egyptian mythology and boom, you have yourself a one-of-a-kind love story.
But if you’re not a fan of magic, don’t worry… it’s ONLY in regards to mummies. So it’s fine.
The Rundown
Sofia’s main character trait can be summed up as such: ‘word vomit.’ As the reader we get to experience her running inner dialogue with herself, but she also just speaks her thoughts out loud with no filter or abbreviation so everyone in her life basically has the same information as us.
Her second main character trait is an overproduction of saliva which I can one hundred percent relate too. I personally sometimes refer to my mouth as a water trough, and that’s probably gross to share here, but in the service of transparency and sharing in Sofia’s fictional vulnerability, there ya go.
But she does love cats and hates mini golf, so though I can respect the author’s decision to make her a flawed character, they did make some sad choices in flaws and I’m working through it.
At the very least she has a realistic view of cats:
“Like most cats, he’s a narcoleptic sociopath…”
Her dad is a pretty awesome character. He’s a weatherman…
“My dad was tall with strong arms from pointing at maps that don’t exist.”
…with an affinity for Mace…
“‘Well just remember what I always say—’’Yeah I know: Spare the Mace, spoil the boyfriend.’”’Sometimes I think you want to solve all your problems with Mace.’’Show me a problem that can’t be Maced, and I’ll show you a mugger with goggles.’”
… who gives great advice…
“‘If you feel stupid, it usually means you’ve learned something and you’re less stupid now.’”
Duncan is her friend-zoned admirer who can’t comprehend why she would rather love a mummy then him, her best friend who knows her so well and has been with her basically her whole life and through all the trauma of her mom walking out on her and her dad.
“I kinda sorta didn’t talk to Duncan at all for a few weeks. I felt more than a little bad. ‘A lot bad’ wouldn’t be overstating it, but it would be bad grammar.”
“I’m a living human your own age. That’s a huge thing right there: I’m alive. Isn’t that something you look for in a boyfriend?”
And then we have Seth, the dreamy mummy from thousands of years ago.
“One thing I knew for sure was how he made me feel. Different. Like tingly and allergic, but in a good way. I considered whether or not to tell him he seemed like benevolent ragweed and thought better of it.”
“How could you not trust those deep dark eye-areas and all that fabric hiding the area around them? He had honest eyeholes.”
But their love affair is not without its challenges. He keeps disappearing with no explanation, leaving Sofia hurt and confused.
“The love of my life was opening up to me about genealogy, and then I said something racist, and he was gone.”
“If he’s embarrassed to be kissing a girl who doesn’t wear cool bandages and dusty perfumes and know about other countries, that’s his problem.”
If the people who claimed to love her had just given her a smidge bit more information, they could have avoided a whole big mess of danger and violence. Per usual, without all the facts people do stupid things. Information is power. Speculation is worse than facts. Who knew?
“‘I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you everything sooner. I hoped I could avoid this kind of violent showdown by keeping you in the dark. I see now that this was the inevitable result of any relationship that lacks communication. Just stay calm and after we escape this, I’ll be open about my feelings and my needs. Promise.’”
Recommendation
I thought this was a funny, fun short read. It’s not a literary masterpiece. It’s not a heartfelt love story. But it’s a parody on the mythical creature love stories in a way that highlights some of the absurdity in these tropes.
There’s not really anything I took an issue with because my expectations were very low.
I get a kick out of reading some of the bad reviews because they complain that the book is stupid or that there is no character development or that the main character is so dense and correct me if I’m wrong… but is that not the point?
I perceive this book as a joke project the authors concocted while eating Chipotle and thought it would be hilarious to publish. I feel like they probably wrote it more for their own entertainment then to actually create a cult following for the mummy love story trope.
Don’t overthink it. Just accept it for what it is and have a good laugh and then move on with your life. It’s what they would want for you.
Again, it’s a short read and if you’re looking for a little chuckle in between reads, I would definitely recommend it!
[Content Advisory: a few swear words and some awkward inner thought speculation on sex with a mummy but nothing graphic and is presented in more of a humorous rather than erotic way]
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March 27, 2018
Może tak "Zmierzch" z mumią zamiast wampira? Będzie beka!
Idź pohehszkować i obejrzyj video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jt7_e...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jt7_e...
September 7, 2017
A teenage girl falls in love with a mummy. This funny, pun-filled book is a good length, has some pretty incredible dialog and manages to punch a lot of conventional tropes in the face. It's no Moby Dick but it's a great source of entertainment and amusement. As someone who reads a LOT of teen romance I found this to be extremely enjoyable. It's got a few first book problems (because hey first book! Even Jim Butcher's first Dresden Book ain't gold) but it somehow manages to be adorable and interesting in its brief 97 pages. I highly recommend particularly for people who are in on the joke of it. Paranormal romance is weird, even for those of us who truly enjoy it. I'd love to see Alex take on more books, though maybe not a sequel. I'd like to see him to High Fantasy with this kind of humor and fun. One thing is for sure I'd totally pick up his second book.
February 8, 2022
Yes, I meant all five of those stars
This was absolutely hysterical. It hit EVERY ridiculous monster romance in the book (well…the less explicit ones). The aggressively willful ignorance of the protagonist, the fact that basic communication should have solved all of the problems in three pages, the curious mechanics of the monster/human pairing. It was so well done and so worth the two hours I spent not studying for my accounting exam.
This was absolutely hysterical. It hit EVERY ridiculous monster romance in the book (well…the less explicit ones). The aggressively willful ignorance of the protagonist, the fact that basic communication should have solved all of the problems in three pages, the curious mechanics of the monster/human pairing. It was so well done and so worth the two hours I spent not studying for my accounting exam.
July 6, 2022
XDDDDDDDDD
June 15, 2024
What did I just read 😂
November 22, 2025
fever dream
February 6, 2022
loved it lol
I know this book was written as a joke based on the plot map twilight. I fucking hate twilight 🤢. But this was fucking awesome 🤣. I loved Sofia's unintentional wit. The whole story was completely over the top and ridiculous. It's a must read. I mean it 🤣
I know this book was written as a joke based on the plot map twilight. I fucking hate twilight 🤢. But this was fucking awesome 🤣. I loved Sofia's unintentional wit. The whole story was completely over the top and ridiculous. It's a must read. I mean it 🤣
October 9, 2023
Hilarious and arguably the best recommendation I’ve gotten from BookTok. Tina Belcher vibes. I need a sequel immediately.
April 21, 2018
Czas mojego gimnazjum, to był okres szału na romanse paranormalne, a zapoczątkowała go ekranizacja Zmierzchu. Po tym, jak koleżanka pokazała mi ten film, najpierw pochłonęłam sagę autorstwa Stephenie Meyer, a później już sięgałam po cokolwiek o podobnej tematyce. Akademia wampirów, Dary Anioła, Wampiry z Morganville, Szeptem, Trylle, Scarlett, Pamiętniki wampirów… I wiele, wiele więcej. Po latach mam ochotę wrócić do pozycji, które miło mi się kojarzą, a niewiele z nich pamiętam. Jednak jednego jestem pewna - wszystkie są oparte na tych samych schematach, które skutecznie wyśmiewa Czas mumii, czyli serce w bandażach.
Sofia jest licealistką z umiejętnością koordynacji ruchowej bliskiej zeru. Jest zauroczona nowym uczniem, tajemniczym i trzymającym się na uboczu. Chłopak wyróżnia się tym, że od stóp do głów jest owinięty bandażami (nowy trend wśród hipsterów?). Przeznaczenie sprawia, że siadają razem na lekcji geografii i wspólnie mają napisać esej na temat Bliskiego Wschodu, dzięki czemu dziewczyna ma okazję odkryć tajemnice nowego kolegi. Ale czy na pewno on coś ukrywa?
Przed sięgnięciem po tę książkę trzeba być świadomym jednego - to jest parodia młodzieżówek paranormalnych, napisana przez dwóch komików. Używając wyolbrzymień, wyśmiewają oni wszystkie możliwe schematy tego gatunku. Cała historia jest stworzona z kliszy, które w książkach pisanych “na poważnie” wywołują w nas irytację, jednak tutaj sprawiają, że na ustach pojawia nam się uśmiech, a chwilami można nawet wybuchnąć śmiechem. To właśnie odróżnia tę parodię od wcześniejszych, nieumiejętnych prób wyśmiania tak popularnego gatunku.
Wyobraźcie sobie, że z młodzieżówek, które przeczytaliście, wyciągacie wszystkie schematy i wrzucacie je do jednej książki. Przy okazji je wyolbrzymiacie, to bo ile razy można czytać o tym, że w dziewczynie kocha się jej najlepszy przyjaciel, a ona tego nie zauważa. Właśnie z takiej mieszanki powstał Czas mumii, czyli serce w bandażach. Na tle innych młodzieżówek wyróżnia się tylko jeden szczegół - na drodze głównej bohaterki nie staje wampir, anioł, wilkołak, czy tego typu istoty znane nam z innych utworów. W tym przypadku mamy do czynienia z mumią. Tak, mumią. I to nie jest żaden spoiler, przecież jest mowa o tym nawet w tytule. Po prostu Sofia, jak na postać z fantastyki młodzieżowej przystało, jest tak bardzo spostrzegawcza i zajęta wewnętrznymi dyskusjami z samą sobą, że tego nie zauważa. Ba! Myśli że to nowa moda, a Seth po prostu jest hipsterem.
Jako, że jest to parodia, to książka ta powinna się opierać na innych pozycjach, które warto znać, by odkryć wszystkie smaczki. Najbardziej można tu odczuć wpływ Zmierzchu, który przecież zapoczątkował modę na ten gatunek, ale nie brakuje tu też odniesień do Szeptem, Darów Anioła, czy innych powieści tego typu. Jednak kosztem takiego miksu jest fakt, że same postacie nie są zbyt rozbudowane, a fabuła nie zawsze ma sens. W sumie jak się nad tym zastanowić, to brzmi to jak typowa młodzieżówka sprzed kilku lat.
Może się wydawać, że takie wyolbrzymianie cech, które denerwują nas w innych książkach będzie strzałem w stopę. Jeśli coś nas irytuje, a później to wzmocnimy, to czy logicznie myśląc, nie powinniśmy czuć jeszcze większej irytacji? Ezra Fox i Alex Falcone pokazali, że można przedstawić to tak, że przerysowane klisze będą nas bawić do łez i uświadamiać nam kolejne absurdy, na które nawet wcześniej nie zwróciliśmy uwagi. No bo jak można z poważną miną czytać wewnętrzny monolog Sofii, która rozmawia nawet ze swoimi organami, a dzięki tej jednostronnej konwersacji dochodzi do wniosku, że trójkąt miłosny jest głupią i zupełnie niepasującą nazwą na sytuację, w której dwie osoby kochają się w tej samej postaci?
Czas mumii, czyli serce w bandażach jest świetną książką na poprawę humoru. To utwór dla każdego: lubisz młodzieżówki? - przed tobą powieść idealna, bo jest połączeniem wszystkich najbardziej znanych fantastycznych młodzieżówek; nie lubisz młodzieżówek? - przed tobą powieść idealna, bo w końcu ktoś przez wyolbrzymione schematy sprawił, że widać jak bardzo głupie mogą się wydawać; myślisz, że młodzieżówki już nie są dla twojego wieku? - przeczytaj tę, a nie będziesz musiał czytać innych, wystarczy później podmienić imiona, rasy i główny cel, a wyjdzie ci z tego każda fantastyczna młodzieżówka. Tak więc nie czekaj i zaopatrz się w swój egzemplarz!
Sofia jest licealistką z umiejętnością koordynacji ruchowej bliskiej zeru. Jest zauroczona nowym uczniem, tajemniczym i trzymającym się na uboczu. Chłopak wyróżnia się tym, że od stóp do głów jest owinięty bandażami (nowy trend wśród hipsterów?). Przeznaczenie sprawia, że siadają razem na lekcji geografii i wspólnie mają napisać esej na temat Bliskiego Wschodu, dzięki czemu dziewczyna ma okazję odkryć tajemnice nowego kolegi. Ale czy na pewno on coś ukrywa?
Przed sięgnięciem po tę książkę trzeba być świadomym jednego - to jest parodia młodzieżówek paranormalnych, napisana przez dwóch komików. Używając wyolbrzymień, wyśmiewają oni wszystkie możliwe schematy tego gatunku. Cała historia jest stworzona z kliszy, które w książkach pisanych “na poważnie” wywołują w nas irytację, jednak tutaj sprawiają, że na ustach pojawia nam się uśmiech, a chwilami można nawet wybuchnąć śmiechem. To właśnie odróżnia tę parodię od wcześniejszych, nieumiejętnych prób wyśmiania tak popularnego gatunku.
Wyobraźcie sobie, że z młodzieżówek, które przeczytaliście, wyciągacie wszystkie schematy i wrzucacie je do jednej książki. Przy okazji je wyolbrzymiacie, to bo ile razy można czytać o tym, że w dziewczynie kocha się jej najlepszy przyjaciel, a ona tego nie zauważa. Właśnie z takiej mieszanki powstał Czas mumii, czyli serce w bandażach. Na tle innych młodzieżówek wyróżnia się tylko jeden szczegół - na drodze głównej bohaterki nie staje wampir, anioł, wilkołak, czy tego typu istoty znane nam z innych utworów. W tym przypadku mamy do czynienia z mumią. Tak, mumią. I to nie jest żaden spoiler, przecież jest mowa o tym nawet w tytule. Po prostu Sofia, jak na postać z fantastyki młodzieżowej przystało, jest tak bardzo spostrzegawcza i zajęta wewnętrznymi dyskusjami z samą sobą, że tego nie zauważa. Ba! Myśli że to nowa moda, a Seth po prostu jest hipsterem.
Jako, że jest to parodia, to książka ta powinna się opierać na innych pozycjach, które warto znać, by odkryć wszystkie smaczki. Najbardziej można tu odczuć wpływ Zmierzchu, który przecież zapoczątkował modę na ten gatunek, ale nie brakuje tu też odniesień do Szeptem, Darów Anioła, czy innych powieści tego typu. Jednak kosztem takiego miksu jest fakt, że same postacie nie są zbyt rozbudowane, a fabuła nie zawsze ma sens. W sumie jak się nad tym zastanowić, to brzmi to jak typowa młodzieżówka sprzed kilku lat.
Może się wydawać, że takie wyolbrzymianie cech, które denerwują nas w innych książkach będzie strzałem w stopę. Jeśli coś nas irytuje, a później to wzmocnimy, to czy logicznie myśląc, nie powinniśmy czuć jeszcze większej irytacji? Ezra Fox i Alex Falcone pokazali, że można przedstawić to tak, że przerysowane klisze będą nas bawić do łez i uświadamiać nam kolejne absurdy, na które nawet wcześniej nie zwróciliśmy uwagi. No bo jak można z poważną miną czytać wewnętrzny monolog Sofii, która rozmawia nawet ze swoimi organami, a dzięki tej jednostronnej konwersacji dochodzi do wniosku, że trójkąt miłosny jest głupią i zupełnie niepasującą nazwą na sytuację, w której dwie osoby kochają się w tej samej postaci?
Czas mumii, czyli serce w bandażach jest świetną książką na poprawę humoru. To utwór dla każdego: lubisz młodzieżówki? - przed tobą powieść idealna, bo jest połączeniem wszystkich najbardziej znanych fantastycznych młodzieżówek; nie lubisz młodzieżówek? - przed tobą powieść idealna, bo w końcu ktoś przez wyolbrzymione schematy sprawił, że widać jak bardzo głupie mogą się wydawać; myślisz, że młodzieżówki już nie są dla twojego wieku? - przeczytaj tę, a nie będziesz musiał czytać innych, wystarczy później podmienić imiona, rasy i główny cel, a wyjdzie ci z tego każda fantastyczna młodzieżówka. Tak więc nie czekaj i zaopatrz się w swój egzemplarz!
March 18, 2022
A hilarious teen romance satire. So many tropes. So many questionable decisions. I laughed out loud several times.
Not really a spoiler since it's pretty well advertised that it's about a mummy, but to give a taste of the silliness:
"Look at me. I'm covered in bandages, afraid of moisture, smell like sand, grave robbers started showing up in your life right after I did..."
"You're in the mob."
"No."
"You're on drugs! I knew it."
"I'm not on drugs. Jesus, Sofia. I'm a mummy. I'm clearly a mummy... how can you not see that?"
I felt his words in my chest. He's a mummy. A walking, talking reanimated corpse. Had I known all along? No, probably not. That would be a ridiculous conclusion for me to have come to. This one isn't on me. But the facts were staring at me from his hollow eye sockets: the logo on his hoodie was the same as the mummy in the picture.
Not really a spoiler since it's pretty well advertised that it's about a mummy, but to give a taste of the silliness:
"Look at me. I'm covered in bandages, afraid of moisture, smell like sand, grave robbers started showing up in your life right after I did..."
"You're in the mob."
"No."
"You're on drugs! I knew it."
"I'm not on drugs. Jesus, Sofia. I'm a mummy. I'm clearly a mummy... how can you not see that?"
I felt his words in my chest. He's a mummy. A walking, talking reanimated corpse. Had I known all along? No, probably not. That would be a ridiculous conclusion for me to have come to. This one isn't on me. But the facts were staring at me from his hollow eye sockets: the logo on his hoodie was the same as the mummy in the picture.
Read
October 2, 2023*DISCLAIMER: I did not seek this book out. It was requested that I read this and provide a review and summary after friends saw it getting some traction on tiktok
Please additionally note that this book is entirely written through the satire lense of making fun of YA romances where girls fall in love with paranormal creatures/monsters. It was not written to be a serious book about a girl falling in love with a mummy. If I were to rate it based solely on that premise: 5/5 cause they hit the nail on the head with the ridiculousness of making fun of this specific genre.
Also it held a lot of space for mental health awareness talk which I though was equally amazing and hilarious
Please additionally note that this book is entirely written through the satire lense of making fun of YA romances where girls fall in love with paranormal creatures/monsters. It was not written to be a serious book about a girl falling in love with a mummy. If I were to rate it based solely on that premise: 5/5 cause they hit the nail on the head with the ridiculousness of making fun of this specific genre.
Also it held a lot of space for mental health awareness talk which I though was equally amazing and hilarious
June 23, 2022
Publisher’s Weekly may have called it “Unfortunate,” but I cannot recall a better book. I wish there were more stars. Truly flawless. Where is the sequel? There definitely needs to be a sequel.
In all seriousness this book was written to be funny and it is, I’m pretty sure, the funniest book I’ve ever read. Cannot recommend it enough.
Gonna go read Children of Blood and Bone to experience the largest tone shift of all time.
In all seriousness this book was written to be funny and it is, I’m pretty sure, the funniest book I’ve ever read. Cannot recommend it enough.
Gonna go read Children of Blood and Bone to experience the largest tone shift of all time.
October 6, 2021
Tak płytkie, że aż śmieszne. Po mimo słabej, ostatecznej oceny to jest to dobra parodia Zmierzchu.
February 6, 2022
I saw a video about this book on tiktok and thought it was such a funny concept that I had to read it. It’s a parody on the "girl meets boy and falls in love. He turns out to be a monster and there is a love triangle with the best friend,“ books that were far too common. Ended up reading it in two days. The writing is just so quick and witty!
October 15, 2023
Ended up being a cool little story. Just the way it was written was the bad part.
January 30, 2024
Wow this book was stupid but that is kinda the point.
February 4, 2022
Hilarious
This is going down as one of my favorite spoof novels ever. Maybe this is also my first. It doesn't matter. It was hilarious and fun from start to finish. If you ever tire of the same teen falls for monster trope this is definitely for you. Or not...
This is going down as one of my favorite spoof novels ever. Maybe this is also my first. It doesn't matter. It was hilarious and fun from start to finish. If you ever tire of the same teen falls for monster trope this is definitely for you. Or not...
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