I Die Each Time I Hear the Sound: A Memoir

by Mike Doughty

A precise yet disorienting look at the exhilaration of music, the process of memory, and the moments when the world becomes new, by the acclaimed songwriter and author of The Book of Drugs

"[Mike Doughty's writing is] astonishingly vital, energized, and natural. . . . acerbic and sometimes lacerating."
--RICK MOODY, author of The Long Accomplishment and The Ice Storm


In this highly original gathering of autobiographical stories, the musician and writer Mike Doughty, in his inimitable voice, sends dispatches from a touring musician's peripatetic life, vividly recalling moments when profound musical experiences made him see the world anew.

I Die Each Time I Hear the Sound consists of sometimes-surreal tales, drawing from conflations of memory, especially formative moments in New York City in the 1990s. It looks at how the avid nostalgia of fans is both a boon and a burden for an artist working to stay vital, and what it is to age while touring, and prolifically releasing new music. He examines the struggle to keep relationships alive while living on the road, and the strangeness of the disconnect between performer and audience.

A unique narrative, unstuck in time, and an unforgettable examination of what it is to be an artist in this cultural moment, I Die Each Time I Hear the Sound is funny, vulnerable, and unsparing.

Genres: Music, Biography, Audiobook, Memoir, Nonfiction

320 pages, Paperback

Published November 17, 2020

Reviews

[Kelly Clark · Rating 4 out of 5]

Unless I missed it, Mike Doughty never explains specifically what "I Die Each Time I Hear the Sound" means or is referring to, but I think it's inferred plainly by the recurring phrase "The world was absolutely new" which he sets up in a brief anecdote about John Cage in the chapter "Absolutely New." I understood "the world was absolutely new" to capture the feeling you get the first time you experience something, songs or pieces of songs in particular, that make you "die each time" you hear them. As someone with 120 hours worth of songs I feel that way about, I can appreciate the motif.

I don't think you need to be a fan of Doughty to enjoy his stories about his first times hearing songs, though it helps to relate, to have your own collection of memories like:

- the first time I heard Nirvana, I was riding in the back of a pickup truck on the autobahn surrounded by other soldiers, and suddenly the cold didn't exist and the exotic German landscape faded and there was only this .... what was THIS?!
- the first time I heard Ball Tongue by Korn, I was late to a movie because I had to stay in the car until the end of the song and then longer until the DJ announced the artist
- the first time I heard White Stripes ... in 2004 ... I thought, "Does Zeppelin have a new album?!"
- the time my dad returned to the station wagon from the King Soopers in Evergreen, Colorado, circa 1976, with the record An Evening With John Denver under his arm, no one else in the family remembers, but how could I forget something so important?
- or the first time I heard Super Bon Bon, the first time I heard Screenwriter's Blues, they demoted all other types of highs to insignificance

The memories of frozen moments in parking lots or restaurants or parties when I first heard the sounds (R.L. Burnside's drone!) that still make me die each time I hear them, go on and on. You could write a whole book about them, but would anyone read it? Doughty shares a joke he and Scrap have about the long stories people tell about hearing Soul Coughing the first time that essentially all end with "then I heard Super Bon Bon." Clearly Doughty picked just the most compelling of his own "first time" stories, because they are not the entire substance of the book. There are "chapters" (1 to 3 page anecdotes) about his entire life, not arranged chronologically or by category, about experiences as a musician and as a person with other musicians, friends, recovery, and women. I did not identify a pattern for the order of the stories, but they flow. My guess is he arranged them with a musician's instinct for rhythm.

He reports his experiences with fans compassionately, because he is also a fan, but there is a poignancy to the stories because he has clearly been impacted and traumatized by fans who cross the line into stalkers. I read, holding my breath a little, wondering, did I ever go too far? Did I make him so uncomfortable with the poem I mailed or the harmony I recorded to one of his songs that I repaid all the joy his music has given me and continues to give me with fear? Am I blocking out anything truly crazy I may have emailed or done when I saw him perform one of those 8 or so times (is that normal?) that is going to jump out of these pages to bite me with shame? I didn't think so, and it didn't happen, but I still felt bad for the times I may have been more obsessive or intrusive than normal, whatever that is.

He mentions a feeling he sometimes gets that people want him to thank them for having their lives changed by him. I've been thinking about that lately, not specific to him, but about musicians in general, and how they give us this thing, these eternal configurations or productions of sounds that kill us, in a good way, and how we can never pay that back, how inadequate the one-time $9.99 cost of a recording is for what we get in return. I'm a member of Doughty's Patreon because I like the idea of everyone who's benefitting from an artist helping that person continue to make art, but it's so small. I buy him a coffee once a month and he freezes time for me over and over again. You can never properly say thank you to someone whose songs vibrate your soul.

[C · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mike Doughty can be a real *&%#.

But he is honest and occasionally hilarious about his penchant for being a *&%#.

In the intro to this book, he admits that it was thrown together half-heartedly and last minute. And you can certainly tell at points. But... it just works.

I am a sucker for memoirs in flash/micro and for memoirs that don't follow a chronological timeline, particularly since that is often how memory works. And so yeah, this one is right up my alley in that way.

There are some really great moments here and Doughty can be quite eloquent. Sure, he can come across as egotistical at points but he also breaks his own ego down in some amusing and interesting ways. I'm a long time fan and have to say that though this may be my least-favorite thing of his that I have consumed, I still quite enjoyed reading it. Your mileage may vary.

[Ace Boggess · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you read this as a fan of Mike Doughy's/Soul Coughing's songs, don't expect a traditional rock-star memoir detailing the ins and outs of that crazy life. What Doughty has compiled here is a collection of memory fragments and anecdotes, often fuzzy, which bounce around between years and have little (if any) connection from one to the next. That said, they read beautifully and pull the reader along in an almost dreamlike state. Each short passage reminded me more of the surreal prose poems of James Tate. They filled with thought and imagery, beautifully capturing scenes that can't be real, although in this case they probably are. Often, rather than focusing on the rock-star life, these vignettes contemplate the music the Doughty loves and how it affected him on hearing it. Then they veer off into weird encounters and relationship struggles, occasionally stopped to depict life on the road. It's a fun ride and well worth the time. Just don't read too many scenes at once or, again as with the poems of Tate or with memories themselves, they will start to blur together and get lost along the way.

If you enjoy climbing inside the head of an alternative-music icon, give this book a shot.

Extra points for having one of the coolest titles of the year.

[Christopher · Rating 4 out of 5]

A much more inspirational read than Doughty's former memoir, this engages much more with his quick wit than his blaming of others for his shortcomings. "The World Was Absolutely New" is such a great mantra for inspiration.

[Bill Philibin · Rating 4 out of 5]

(3.5 Stars)

Disclaimer: Soul Coughing and Mike Doughty's solo projects were part of the soundtrack of my 20's. I have seen them several times, even meeting Mike Doughty twice (not like a fanboy, but just wandering the crowd or just being in the right place at the right time). With that said, I will try to be impartial in my review.

This is a "stream of consciousness" type of book, written as remembered, complete with tangents and rabbit holes. While that might work great for poems and especially song writing, it is dizzying in a memoir. The stories were all interesting, and informative, but the time-warp-like transitions and back and forth memories were almost enough to give one whiplash. Again, the book is still very good, but I had a hard time keeping track of the events parallel to world events and my own timeline.

The audiobook is narrated by Mike Doughty himself, which is a nice touch. Since this is an account of real events, there are times when he "name drops" the people around him, but there are also a lot of other times where he just uses nicknames or descriptive pseudonyms. And I'm unsure if he does it to protect their identity, or to make sure he is always the "main character" in his story.

[Dave Capers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Memory isn't linear. BS Johnson exploited this in the most creative way in "The Unfortunates" where all the chapters were individually stapled and thrown in a box intended to be read in any order. Doughty doesn't go quite that far but his second memoir is a collection of stories (some as short as a sentence or two) that seem to have no particular order other than that's the order he recalled them. A few stories (a tour of Japan, the making of Haughty Melodic) span several very short chapters. Doughty doesn't hesitate to present himself as irresponsible or unlikable either so there's none of the self-hagiography that sometimes creeps into a rock bio. Definitely worth a read even if you aren't a fan of his music (I am) but are of a similar age to the author (50).

[Norb Aikin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this collection of anecdotes and vignettes about the author's life, from growing up to being in Soul Coughing to touring as a solo musician. But I get the impression we wouldn't get along, and sometimes he uses big words when a regular one would suffice. Also, I feel like you could open this book to any random page and find the sentence "The world was absolutely new." and the more I kept coming across it the more annoyed I got. Overall though, the writing is mostly excellent and the stories are enjoyable. If you're a fan of Soul Coughing or Doughty's solo work, you gotta give this a read.

[Seth Arnopole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mike Doughty has written a second memoir (of sorts), a collection of short vignettes ranging from single paragraphs to a few pages, laid out in non-chronological order: impressions of places and people encountered on travels, snapshots of being introduced to life-changing music, the odd experiences of everyday life as a musician with a certain level of fame. In his first memoir, The Book of Drugs, he came off as a miserable person carrying a lot of bitterness. I Die… doesn’t strike the same tone, perhaps because each entry is so short, but I would like to think it is because he has grown a bit.

[Remco · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went into this without any expectations. I listen to Doughty on and off and had put it on a to-read list once, then some day I was looking for some light vacation reading and this ebook was on offer.

Turns out the format, short anecdotes of often surreal situations from his past, first times he heard music he loves, relations with women and so on, worked great for light reading. You can pick up the book, read a bit, continue later. And his writing is very enjoyable, he's much better with words than I realized.

So I enjoyed it a lot.

Does it work as a memoir? Not relevant to me.

[Don · Rating 3 out of 5]

DNF. Entertaining book. He has a great voice... this book just isn't what I was hoping it would be. I was hoping this book would be focused on those moments when you hear a song and "the world becomes completely new."

That's not the focus of this book. The parts where he actually writes about being exposed to new music is great, but those stories are few. The rest of the stories read like, "I was cool in NYC," which is fun, but a little off that goes a long way for me (and again, I was looking for something that just focused on music).

[Brad · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Soul Coughing and will read whatever Mike Doughty writes. Mike Doughty is here, in this book, showing us brief moments of his life in music, in being a human, in discovering new music. The man is a brilliant writer, but you already knew that. He has his flaws and isn't afraid to tell you about them. He can see what he has become and is trying to exist inside of it - for the sake of the fans, but also outside of it- for the sake of maintaining his human-ness. I will read whatever he writes.

[Kip Gire · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoy Mike Doughty's music and have for many years. I like the phrasing and he does interesting things inside of 3 or 4 minutes each piece. I enjoy his live performances of his music and how they open up, even more in the moment. His new book is more of a mirror into himself; on the occasions we've chatted, he doesn't seem to a guy i'd enjoy hanging out with. I like his music way more than his books. And that's also OK, because he already seems to be his biggest fan.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked it a little more than The Book of Drugs. Funny to read him talking about his green guitar, knowing that when I first saw Soul Coughing live and was at the front of the stage, and remembering clearly almost 30 years later that bright green guitar. Also I enjoyed the game of 'guess the anonymous celebrity using vague clues' - I was 2 for 2 there.

This is a pretty niche book though. Doughty fans will get the most out of it.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ll read this and will know it’s a 5 star

[Eunice · Rating 5 out of 5]

Classic Doughty. Love it.

[Charlie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Perhaps my favorite work of Doughty's other than Haughty Melodic was his old website blog from the oughts; this writing recalls the best of that: honest, curious, vulnerable, laid bare.

[Austin Pierce · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just as good as The Book of Drugs—not as dark though (though often dark).

[Janene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amusing for fans

[Kelly Caldwell · Rating 3 out of 5]

“We recorded fast to stay ahead of second guesses…”

[Michael Rhoda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Less a book than random short vignettes from Mike Doughty's life. Much less bleak than the Book of Drugs (he even mentions "the bassist" by name once, so it made for a quick, enjoyable read. 3.5 stars.