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Sex Between Men: An Intimate History of the Sex Lives of Gay Men Postwar to Present
Discusses the repression of the 1950s, the Stonewall uprising, the hedonistic world of the 1970s, and the devastation of the AIDS epidemic
269 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1996
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
June 27, 2017
I spent most of my time during graduate school reading and writing about queer theory, digging into my bisexuality and getting more and more comfortable with my sexuality until I felt comfortable coming out to my parents, my wife, and my friends. I owe so many academic books so much thanks for helping me recognise that I was a queer man, and it's because of them I feel comfortable writing it out and admitting it without shame. The only problem I ever had with much of the writing I read was that it discussed sex in a language that was often dense and largely unsexy. I opened every book desperate to find one author who would dig into the intellectual and introspective nature of sex between men but was always left stuck with Marxists or Freudians or Postmodernists who were more interested in discussing language than sexuality.
Sex Between Men was the book I was looking for because this book is everything the title suggests and more. It's written in an approachable fashion so that the reader doesn't need multiple degrees to understand the material, but neither is this book just one long series of entries about where men put their cocks. This book is a real history and cultural examination about how men, from the time of World War II to the end of the 90s approached sex with other men, how they internalized an identity from the way they expressed this sex, it examines the changes in attitude toward sexuality, and it ultimately challenges how hedonism and reason were in constant struggle within the queer man's psyche over the last fifty years.
I wish there were more books like Sex Between Men because few writers are able to actually dig into the actual erotic beauty that is queer sex and still manage to leave the reader with an intellectual position. As queer people assume more and more established roles in society, and as the closet doors open for more and more people, books like this are valuable because it records a history of sex as well as a record that men weren't just horned-up nut-cases.
Queer Men have always tried to find themselves and find a sense of themselves sexually, and while they've struggled in the past, this book offers hope for the future as the next generation finds their own sexual being as they look back to the ones who came before.
Sex Between Men was the book I was looking for because this book is everything the title suggests and more. It's written in an approachable fashion so that the reader doesn't need multiple degrees to understand the material, but neither is this book just one long series of entries about where men put their cocks. This book is a real history and cultural examination about how men, from the time of World War II to the end of the 90s approached sex with other men, how they internalized an identity from the way they expressed this sex, it examines the changes in attitude toward sexuality, and it ultimately challenges how hedonism and reason were in constant struggle within the queer man's psyche over the last fifty years.
I wish there were more books like Sex Between Men because few writers are able to actually dig into the actual erotic beauty that is queer sex and still manage to leave the reader with an intellectual position. As queer people assume more and more established roles in society, and as the closet doors open for more and more people, books like this are valuable because it records a history of sex as well as a record that men weren't just horned-up nut-cases.
Queer Men have always tried to find themselves and find a sense of themselves sexually, and while they've struggled in the past, this book offers hope for the future as the next generation finds their own sexual being as they look back to the ones who came before.
February 19, 2017
This is a very good text on the life of gay men in the 70s, 80s, and 90s America. It describes the 70s free love era, the AIDS crisis that followed it and the situation in the 90s. And it does it extremely well. The author doesn't only describe the history of the fact, but he puts things into an emotional and psychological perspective as well (the psychology which I don't always agree with, or think is relevant, but that's beside the point regarding the quality of the book). You get a very vivid picture of e.g. San Francisco in the 70s, the author goes into all the fleshy details leaving little to the imagination. And I especially appreciated the treatment on emotions. This is a deeper read than one might think, and that was a pleasant surprise.
A bold and genuine read. I loved it.
A bold and genuine read. I loved it.
September 6, 2018
I enjoyed reading Sadownick's accounts of actual events that happened, and the way gay men used to interact and have sex with each other, but then when he starts philosophising, he goes off the deep end and it becomes unreadable. Especially when he uses his two favorite words, "differentiate" and "archetypal". He's just a little too full of himself.
April 28, 2025
Great Starting Point ad Bibliography but...
I can say this book is in a similar vein to ones from the same period I've read like "The Culture of Desire" by Frank Browning and "Dancing around the Volcano" by Guy Kettelhack, except this one wins by covering a much wider time period and a great variety of primary and secondary sources.
Regardless, I don't know if it's me or a general problem of availability within gay literature but all the non-fiction books I've read so far (and even the famous fiction too) are too US-focused, and often you'll find one of the large gay centers (either New York or San Francisco) being the setting. Which is totally understandable and fine but I have now grown to crave knowing what the rest of the world was like too? Speaking of which, can anyone recommend any Canadian-centric gay literature? (I know Rick Bebout's online memoirs were an excellent personal history source encompassing the 70s-00s).
Back to "Sex Between Men", I also expected the book to be more in the vein of intimate and personal history which unveils this hidden world by presenting many experiences and perspectives. I think the first chapters on the 50s-60s managed to fit this mold better. But maybe it is also of how clandestine the pre-Stronewall times were and how little visibility gay people had back then that a lot of the information comes straight from the mouths and diaries of the men themselves.
The chapters covering the 80s & onwards were a bit disappointing though. A lot of great insights, for sure, a lot of good interviews too, but I felt like altogether, the author was chasing more peaks in the historical narrative - we get political movements, general history, sex radicals, sex haters, etc. It was less of the story of the individual gay men in his varieties as not everyone participated or identified with those movements presented.
Some subjects also lacked depth, they were presented tangentially but not explored much further beyond; instead the author did unrelated philosophizing & psychoanalysis in between which took too much space - again much more of an exercise in flexing rather than an actual personal story.
Douglas Sadownick seemed to rely and rehash a lot of text from his old articles published in various newspapers in the 90s but I would unfortunately only find this out later after finishing the book.
Despite the flaws, I'd say, this is an excellent starting point if you are interested in gay history in the USA from World War 2 onwards. The book also features an extensive and excellently curated bibliography so if you have lots of spare time on your hands, this is something worth exploring.
I can say this book is in a similar vein to ones from the same period I've read like "The Culture of Desire" by Frank Browning and "Dancing around the Volcano" by Guy Kettelhack, except this one wins by covering a much wider time period and a great variety of primary and secondary sources.
Regardless, I don't know if it's me or a general problem of availability within gay literature but all the non-fiction books I've read so far (and even the famous fiction too) are too US-focused, and often you'll find one of the large gay centers (either New York or San Francisco) being the setting. Which is totally understandable and fine but I have now grown to crave knowing what the rest of the world was like too? Speaking of which, can anyone recommend any Canadian-centric gay literature? (I know Rick Bebout's online memoirs were an excellent personal history source encompassing the 70s-00s).
Back to "Sex Between Men", I also expected the book to be more in the vein of intimate and personal history which unveils this hidden world by presenting many experiences and perspectives. I think the first chapters on the 50s-60s managed to fit this mold better. But maybe it is also of how clandestine the pre-Stronewall times were and how little visibility gay people had back then that a lot of the information comes straight from the mouths and diaries of the men themselves.
The chapters covering the 80s & onwards were a bit disappointing though. A lot of great insights, for sure, a lot of good interviews too, but I felt like altogether, the author was chasing more peaks in the historical narrative - we get political movements, general history, sex radicals, sex haters, etc. It was less of the story of the individual gay men in his varieties as not everyone participated or identified with those movements presented.
Some subjects also lacked depth, they were presented tangentially but not explored much further beyond; instead the author did unrelated philosophizing & psychoanalysis in between which took too much space - again much more of an exercise in flexing rather than an actual personal story.
Douglas Sadownick seemed to rely and rehash a lot of text from his old articles published in various newspapers in the 90s but I would unfortunately only find this out later after finishing the book.
Despite the flaws, I'd say, this is an excellent starting point if you are interested in gay history in the USA from World War 2 onwards. The book also features an extensive and excellently curated bibliography so if you have lots of spare time on your hands, this is something worth exploring.
June 28, 2016
" Sex between men" is a provocative history of sexual expression. Beginning in WWII and progressing through the era's of the 60's liberation , the 70's cruising, the 80's AIDS epidemic, and 90's political movements. Sadownick's is immensely knowledgeable and his narrative is refined, open and indulgent. He interweaves numerous themes throughout the book. Including, the evolution on consciousness of sexual libido, the role sexuality plays in the formation of a culture, the transition from DL to openly cruising to political action, and how sexual history helps shape the gay-centered psyche.
Identifying as queer, "sex between men" has left its mark on my consciousness. I felt on an conscious level, many of the obstacles of adversity gay men go through is addressed. And how sexual expression was and still is used as a means to cope with sexual oppression, bigotry, and misplacement. I felt a sense of belongingness after reading this book, finally it makes sense what fitting into my skin has felt itchy and raw in the past. One of the insights i acquired from this book was the important of community, and how sexuality played a role in that. Gay cultural is derived from sex. Unlike, other acculturations of black, latino and white which have roots of congregation around religion, neighborhoods, capitalism. . Unlike other acculturations , gayness doesn't have a symbolic exterior. I understood, empathized, and related to the hyper promiscuity and fucking that was told throughout the narrative. It was an act of freedom. It was the formation of pride. It was liberation. It was the formation of culture, the meeting point of connection.
The world is still a very young place to live in. Slowly progressing, on a universal level, "sex between men" gave me hope and insight that a culture that i belong and partake in is maturing. From the rebellious teenage of the 60's, the pre-adolescent of the 70's, individualization of the 80's, the self-directed adult of the 90's, and now the mature adolescents of the 2010's. The struggle growing up LGBTQ is challenging. I was able to identify my own challenges of oppression, hyper sexuality, and negative attitudes through "sex between men". Insights of how my own sexuality has shaped my own life choices and decisions was brought to life.
Identifying as queer, "sex between men" has left its mark on my consciousness. I felt on an conscious level, many of the obstacles of adversity gay men go through is addressed. And how sexual expression was and still is used as a means to cope with sexual oppression, bigotry, and misplacement. I felt a sense of belongingness after reading this book, finally it makes sense what fitting into my skin has felt itchy and raw in the past. One of the insights i acquired from this book was the important of community, and how sexuality played a role in that. Gay cultural is derived from sex. Unlike, other acculturations of black, latino and white which have roots of congregation around religion, neighborhoods, capitalism. . Unlike other acculturations , gayness doesn't have a symbolic exterior. I understood, empathized, and related to the hyper promiscuity and fucking that was told throughout the narrative. It was an act of freedom. It was the formation of pride. It was liberation. It was the formation of culture, the meeting point of connection.
The world is still a very young place to live in. Slowly progressing, on a universal level, "sex between men" gave me hope and insight that a culture that i belong and partake in is maturing. From the rebellious teenage of the 60's, the pre-adolescent of the 70's, individualization of the 80's, the self-directed adult of the 90's, and now the mature adolescents of the 2010's. The struggle growing up LGBTQ is challenging. I was able to identify my own challenges of oppression, hyper sexuality, and negative attitudes through "sex between men". Insights of how my own sexuality has shaped my own life choices and decisions was brought to life.
August 27, 2011
This was an enlightening book about the history of M2M sex in America. I learned a lot.
August 17, 2012
I really enjoyed reading this. An interesting read.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews