To any friends or family who wonders why I prefer being single, why I have so many reservations about being in a relationship, why I have trust issues, why I doubt a man's capability to be both physically and emotionally faithful....THIS IS THE BOOK TO BLAME.
This is what happens when you go out of your comfort zone.
So this book started really well..speaking out against slut shaming, heroine being fairly sexually experienced (slept with around 35 men before the hero) and a couple who seemed to be happy, in love and faithful.
Then for some unfathomable reason (just because their friends have opened thier marriage and seem to enjoy it) the heroine suggests they have an open marriage for 6 months during which they can sleep with whoever they want and after that period they will be back to being faithful. Hero gives a weak-ass, obligatory protest but then agrees easily enough.
From there on everything goes downhill.
SPOILERS AHEAD...basically I am going to recount the main plot of the story and how I feel about it. If you don't want to read the spoilers then please skip to the end with bold writing where I have summarised the main message of the book.
The hero, of course, immediately finds a woman and has hot, great sex with her the very next day. Absolutely no guilt. Absolutely no regret. Absolutely no feeling weird. Absolutely no feeling this-is-wrong. HE FREAKING LOVED IT, LOVED HAVING SEX WITH OW AFTER YEARS OF ONLY HAVING SEX WITH h. He thinks about how much more adventurous OW is and this is compared to his wife who (after they had a autistic kid) was too busy looking after him to be care much about appearance, to care much about being good at sex. After having sex with OW, he comes home all giddy and happy like a freaking teenager who just lost his virginity. h can tell he probably had sex with OW. H & h then have sex-much hotter than in the past yet they of course continue with the arrangement. The OW is freaking evil, she is a total bitch who only sleeps with married men and tries to ruin marriages (because of some sob story about how her husband cheated on her. WTF!? So because your husband cheated on you now you want to ensure other husbands also cheat on their wives!? Yeah makes total sense. Not. ) OW constantly makes excuses to get H to spend more time with her and causes a lot of drama, even ends up going to H's house and making a scene.
While all this happens our lovely h is all chaste and celibate. WTF? What is the point of you suggesting an open marriage and allowing your hubby to sleep with OWs if you ain't gonna get laid yourself! DUMBASS. Apparently knowing she can sleep with OM if she wants to is good enough for her. Thank god for H's bff who sets her up with a OM to make things more fair after the bff hears about the open marriage situation. h FINALLY has sex with OM. Although it is weird, she likes it. She lies to her husband saying she is going to french classes (this is a open marriage so why you gotta lie and pretend like you are not having sex with OM??) when in reality she goes to see OM to have sex with him. Finally our girl is getting some too.
Meanwhile, our H is totally blissfully oblivious and ignorant. He never considers or thinks about who his wife might be sleeping with. He believes her lie about taking french classes and is too busy trying to get laid to really care. When OW 1 is getting too crazy, too impossible to handle so our amazing, absolutely lovely (please note the sarcasm) H decides to ditch OW 1. Why should he limit himself to only one woman? This is his once-in-a-lifetime-oppurtunity to sow his seeds again. He should be having sex with many women as possible before the time runs out and he has to be faithful again I kid you not, this is actually his thought process.
So he sets up a meeting with OW 2, a women from his past who is so gorgeous, apparently every man wants to fuck her, even the married ones, especially the married ones. How is she every married men's nightmare as well as wet dream because she is so sexy, she makes every guy want to cheat on his wife, makes every guy wish they weren't married. The hero goes on to talk about how stunning she is, how amazing she is in bed, how she never becomes emotionally attached and is always up for casual sex. Blah blah blah. So imagine his shock when OW 2 turns him down because OW 2 now has a boyfriend she loves. He never thought OW2 would ever be in a monogamous, committed relationship.
ANOTHER SECRET REVEALED which really pissed me off. So when h and H were engaged, H went to a party where he full on made out with OW2 and was really turned on but stopped it from going further. And he never told his wife. Wife never finds out. I am actually surprised he stopped himself before they had sex. You know what, I am actually surprised this guy has never cheated through out their marriage, well physically anyway.
So he moves on and finds OW3. He has sex with a young college girl who lied about her age or something. This is where the double standards become very apparent. This despicable asshole is outraged at the young women's such casual outlook towards sex and she sleeps with random men for fun and her ultra modern values. H rejects new values and thinks he is very proud of being traditional. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? You are in a open marriage, you want to cheat on your wife, you have absolutely no respect for the sanctity of marriage or love and you think you are traditional?? You are here having sex with random women while you are married, at least OW3 is single.
So back to h, while H is enjoying his sexual exploits, h is falling in love with OM. Yes I 10000000000000% preferred OM over shitty H. OM was nothing really special but honestly at this point I was in the anyone-but-H camp.
So this is the best part...
H finally finds out about OM. This is simultaneously the most satisfying and frustrating part of the book. So H is outraged, completely shocked and in complete disbelief!
SAY WHAT!? BITCH PLEASE. I thought this was an open marriage meaning BOTH spouses are allowed to have sex with OPs. But subconsciously H thought h was just giving him a free pass to cheat, he deep down thought this was a situation where women say they will turn a blind eye to husband's cheating. He thought he can sleep with whoever whilst h will be all chaste and celibate because women apparently don't have any sexual needs. Poor guy's bubble totally shatters! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
Now this utter piece of crap decides to end this open marriage nonsense. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? It only took h also having sex with OM, to make you realise you suddenly want to be faithful. Well too bad. To my delight, h refuses! Lolololol. h continues to see OM. h moves out, asks for a divorce as she wants to be with OM.
At this point, I was crying out of sheer joy, dancing in delight, sighing in utter relief. But atlas....little did I know.
So this is the most depressing, non romantic, pathetic bit of the story. h goes to visit that friend who first opened their marriage. The wife absolutely hates the open marriage and thinks it was the worst idea possible. Husband fell in love with another women and wanted to cheat with this girl he really liked so he convinced his wife to have an open marriage and made her think it was her idea. Wife had sex with other men but realises she actually dislikes sex a lot- she is most likely asexual. H left and totally discarded wife because of course he wants the younger, prettier woman. But wife is waiting for the novelty to wear off and for him to come back. She is sure he will come back when he gets tired of the new woman and she will welcome him with open arms. Why? No, not because she loves him. Because she is too old and can't be bothered to start over again. She doesn't want to leave a nice comfortable house with a comfortable life to instead live in small studio apartment with a crappy job. Wow how romantic indeed. This is such depressing shit. I can't believe women have to do this.
Anyway h's bff is shocked that her setting h up with OM resulted in the breakdown of their marriage. So bff tries her best to stop h from leaving H for OM. Something about OM cheating on his wife when he was in med school cuz they had drifted apart. But it looks like she is gonna leave H.
H is shocked about the divorce. He thought they would never get divorced. H said he had fantasised about h dying a painless death and him grieving her for an appropriate time and then moving on to fuck countless women. He even had a list of women he would fuck if his wife died...apparently this is a common practice. But he never ever, in his wildest imagination thought they will get divorced. Okay, so you would rather your wife die than being divorced??? Wow how romantic. At this point I was totally disgusted and was crying because I realised I never want to get married.
In epilogue we are told h moves back in with H after months because.....whatever I don't really give a shit at this point. And h & H decide to give their marriage another shot. Apparently OW1 (because she actually fell in love with H) wrote some letter to h, urging her to give their marriage another try.
Excuse me while I go barf my heart out.
End of spoiler
So the message No. 1 of the story: women are incapable of having sex without falling in love. This was actually stated in the book towards the end. I can give countless evidence and examples to prove you wrong but I am not gonna try. But I will just say this doesn't make any logical sense- no guy has such a wonderful, amazing, magical penis that the women will be automatically overcome by a tidal wave of irresistible romantic feelings and would never be content with anything less than complete, eternal and 100% monogamous devotion. Sex never equals love. By definition feelings based on just sex is LUST NOT LOVE. By definition of the word, love can't be based purely on sexual desire. You can't actually love in fall with a person by just having sex, you have to actually know them, spend time with them doing other things, have to have intense, deep conversations and many other complex factors.
Message No.2 : men are incapable of being both physically and emotionally faithful. Even if a guy is physically faithful, he doesn't want to be faithful. The man will still lust after other women, wish you were dead so he can fuck them. Nice. If that's what marriage entails then I never want anything to do with it. I want a guy who is faithful because he actually wants to be faithful not secretly fantasizing I was dead so he can fuck countless women.