Parenting the Strong-Willed Child: Fortifying Our Youth and Healing Our Prodigals

by Kevin Hinckley

Year after year, we lose many youth to the enticements and sophistries of the world. As a bishop, counselor, and parent. Kevin Hinckley has watched the painful process of rebellion occur over and over as he has worked to help those who are scarred by sin come back. From a foundation of gospel-based concepts and clinical experience, he identifies things parents can do to avoid the heartache of rebellion and offers help and hope to parents of children who have already strayed. Sharing experiences from other parents, he shows how to teach children to rely on divine guidance as they confront the challenge of growing up in a world that seems bent on their destruction. This book presents practical solutions and profound insights that will help any parent fulfull this most sacred of all responsibilities.

Genres: Parenting, Lds, Self Help, Religion, Adult, Lds Non Fiction, Nonfiction

288 pages, Paperback

First published June 17, 2008

About the author

Kevin Hinckley has been advising individuals, families and businesses for over 20 years. He is a Psychotherapist and Life Skills Coach. He is is a facilitator with the LDS Addiction Recovery Program and sits on the board of directors for ANTHEM and Strong Families Dallas, a non-profit organization, an advocate for marriage and families in North Texas. He is a frequent speaker with church and youth groups as well as Campus Education Week at BYU and BYU-Idaho. Kevin is the author of three books, Parenting the Strong Willed Child (June 16th), Burying Our Swords (Aug '08), and Promptings or Me, (Summer, 09), published by Deseret Book.

Kevin graduated from Brigham Young University in 1985 with a Master's Degree in Counseling and an emphasis in Organizational Behavior, as well as doing doctoral work in Counseling Psychology.

He and his family live near Dallas, Texas.

Reviews

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book and I will continue to go back and re-read it. I do wish it had a different title, though. While this book does offer help in parenting a strong-willed child, it's really for parenting any child and I think many who could be helped by this book will pass it over because they don't have a Strong-Willed Child.

Hinckley does a great job of demonstrating our own need, as parents, to make changes before we can expect any change to happen with our children. I really love his whole family approach to raising children.
without making a parent feel discouraged or guilty, Hinckley points out the ways we need to strengthen ourselves in order to strengthen our children.

[Don · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good book from a Mormon auther to mostly a Mormon reader. I particularly enjoyed the information about why individuals rebel or behave badly. The book ends encouraging parents to submit their will to Christ and in turn enjoy the blessings and benefits that come from that as evident in their childrens lives.

[Cauleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has taken me a while because I have read and reread most of it. It is helpful in many practical ways. You begin reading it with someone else in mind and discover we are all our Heavenly Father's strong willed children.

[Tanya · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a perfect book for me right now! I absolutely loved it! Kevin Hinckley is an LDS therapist who writes about parenting children with strong wills- particularly those who rebel. I like that he refers to them as prodigals instead of just “wayward” as I think that implies more hope of them figuring things out and returning. I often avoid books and articles like these because they can make me feel so guilty but this one was guilt-free for me. And that really helped me to look at myself more honestly without feeling judged. I found his tips very practical and useful. Although it did help me see more clearly some mistakes I’ve made, it also helped me keep things in the right perspective. Some of my favorite parts included his take on the war in heaven and Satan and how he works, a comparison of sorts of the sons of Mosiah and Alma vs the Stripling warriors, his thoughts on forgiveness, the idea that self-control and self-discipline can be more important than self- esteem, advice on how to ask your teens questions and teach them to problem-solve, the impact of rebellious children on their siblings, and his use of the 12 step Addiction Recovery Program to help us heal our own weaknesses just to name a few. I could go on and on!
Excellent book!

[Britta · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book but was amazed at how much I personally got out of it - so much of our parenting stems from how much growth and development we are doing as an individual and less about how to "deal" with a child. I loved his chapter on marriage and relationships and the section on the Addiction Recovery Program and so much more relating to my own personal development. So much valuable content on your relationship with your child as well. A great read and applicable to all parent-child relationships.

[Lillie · Rating 4 out of 5]

An enjoyable way to read about dealing with rebellious children. I liked how the author presented his ideas in a story format. Instead of just listing his ideas, he had his characters figure out how to help their son by following certain principles. And I felt like I learned along with the characters.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book really dragged. There were some great ideas but nothing was explained enough in a way that I could immediately put to use. I really needed a book with practicality and this just teased me with some perceptive thinking that never amounted to a plan I can use.

[Lacie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not what I needed at this time. More ínstense or serious than i needed.

[Cherene · Rating 5 out of 5]

I often lament that there is no manual for how to parent teenagers. I often feel unsure of the decisions I make as a parent. Well this book is a huge help! It is written from an LDS perspective, and incorporates gospel principles into a parenting manual. I started implementing some of the things I learned from this book as I was reading it, and noticed a positive change right away in my relationship with my teenage son, and in the whole family dynamic. The first few chapters are interesting, but the really helpful info starts around chapter 8. If I could give this book 10 stars, I would. It has so much great stuff to think about, and instead of just giving instructions on exactly how to handle specific situations (although it does give several examples and suggestions), it teaches us how to evaluate ourselves as parents, our motives, and our methods, so that we can discover for ourselves what the right response might be to any given situation. I own the book, and would be happy to lend it out if anyone local wants to borrow it! (I got it at Seagull Bookstore, and it was on sale for $3.99.)

[Sally]

That "I'm on page..." feature does not work for me. :) I read the table of contents first, peruse the index, then read the forward/preface/chapter 1. That inevitably leads me back to the toc, and index, then a chapter in the middle, then to several references. Then back to the beginning, then perhaps the last chapter, then back to the middle. I guess I process information differently than the author supposes I might....

Chapter one explores the Premortal Rebellion. Rebellion in mortality is nothing new, which is sort of reassuring and tiring at the same time.

Chapter three explores the difference between self-esteem (I'm inherintly great and can do anything I want to, forget the consequences) and divine-esteem (I'm of infinite worth because of where I came from and my potential, but must never forget to whom I owe every breath and my salvation; I can do anything that is good, through God's grace, but I live in a universe of moral laws and consequences, good and bad).

Coming next are marriage (ch 4) and parenting styles (ch 5-8), and more.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book surprised me. I thought it would be a "how to" book with examples and "to do" lists. It was but not in the usual way. It really pushed me to examine myself and where I am at on my spiritual journey as a person first, THEN as a parent. While I wish I had this book when my kids were younger, I don't know if I would have appreciated the concepts presented as much then as I do now as a more mature spiritual being. I have discovered that I am the barrier between myself and God and that I have habits that keep me from becoming the person God wants me to be, habits I am too afraid to let go of because I am afraid of how powerful I might be - like the Nelson Mandela quote. Very thought-provoking book. I find myself reflecting on it and referring to it again and again. And to think I got it on a whim, not because I have any SWC of my own but to help me with my calling over the Young Adults.

[Aimee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my new favorite parenting book. If you are LDS and looking for a faith-based approach to parenting difficult children, this book is a great choice. (The other must-have is Christlike Parenting by Glenn Latham.) Hinckley actually spends most of the book talking about rebellion, its causes and its spiritual ramifications. As I read, I found myself identifying some of my own personality traits in there, which is making this book as useful for my own personal growth as it is for my parenting. The other thing that really stood out to me about this book is the way that Hinckley acknowledges that parents are themselves a work in progress and that we neither are nor can be perfect. He gives thought to the intersection between parent-ness and person-ness that I've never really seen so explicit in any other parenting book. I, for one, appreciated that.

[Kristen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book twice. The first time I skipped through to find all of the parts that were important for me at that very moment. I needed a little peace and a few answers, so I read the chapters to help me through.

The second time I read the entire book through. The basic psychology was amazingly profound and any parent, with any kind of child, would gain a lot of incite into who they are personally and how to be a better parent by reading this book. I think I will be a better mother to all of my kids from ideas and information that seemed to resonate with me as I read.

I also feel a lot more peace in regard to my SWC (strong-willed child). I appreciated the stories given, the parental suggestions and the call to strengthen my own faith in the Lord. I can see my SWC through new eyes and I have renewed strength as a parent.

[Tina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! Having known the author and his children for several years, I felt confident that this book would be of value. Afterall, he did a great job with his own family! Additionally, the author and his wife helped me through their support and encouragement to survive a stage when I had 3 kids all under the age of 5.

I think this should be a MUST read for all parents! It really has fantastic advice for all parents, not just those of us who have a strong-willed child. I really truly wish he would have written this book years ago. Now, I need to figure out how to un-do years of mistakes.

I've already bought an extra copy of the book to lend to other people and I think I'll give it as a gift this year as well.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the 2nd book I've read by Kevin Hinckley. I really like his style of writing. This book is so much more than the title reads. That's the reason I liked it so much. There is a lot to discover about who we are in relationship to our children - and for everyone that we associate with for that matter.

If you need or want counsel of dealing with a child - young or adult even - then this book has a great approach.

It's not a "feel good" book. Neither is it a "psych out the child" or "belittle the parent" book. But it is a step by step book unfolded by the author to describe what he thinks, and statistically proven, ways to approach a challenging subject with objectivity and honesty.

I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to make a positive impact in the life of a child.

[Amber Hicken · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. The one complaint I do have is that the title of the book is misleading. This book is appropriate for any parent or youth leader, whether dealing with a strong-willed child or not. He includes great insight into the scriptures and how to parent by learning from examples in the scriptures as well as from our Heavenly Father. He explains some of the strategies that Satan uses to mislead our youth, which are no different from those he used in our premortal life. I have already applied some of the the things I learned from this book in my parenting and have found them very effective. Highly recommend this book!

[Cali Bakker · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good foundation for parenting - seeking to understand and to work together with the child while having communicated boundaries and expectations. The book also instructs parents on how to help their children develop a testimony and faith of their own. This book has a heavy focus on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints which might throw people off if they're not familiar with the church and some of its teachings. However, the ideas behind Parenting the Strong-Willed Child can be helpful for any parent. I'd be curious to see an updated version (this was published in 2008) with more recent quotes and sources.

[Teresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've never been so interested in a "parenting" book. Helpful for any parent, not just those parenting "strong willed children", this gave me so many things to think about regarding parenting styles, discipline, children's personalities, and ways to teach better as a parent to help children become capable adults, all with a gospel perspective. I wish I'd known much of this eariler, but am very grateful I have it as resource now. I just finished reading it and now I'm going back to chapter 1 and starting over so I can apply and work on things one at a time.

[Hunybe · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book caught my eye at the bookstore but I passed it up. A week later, after multiple run ins with my own strong willed child, I went back to get it. This is not your typical parenting guide. The advice was very timely for me, and I really want to institute some changes in my parenting based on some of its ideas. The problem is that parenting is a team sport..and my hubby hasn't felt as urgent in his need to read this book. My suggestion would be to read it with your spouse, then you can have a real discussion about what to do to best raise your own children.

[David Hinckley · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a great book that's a really interesting combination of gospel insight and pragmatic ideas. At times, the insights into parenting delve into really profound gospel subjects. Other times, they respond to current psychology or social trends. Recommended for any parents, but some of the chapters could really benefit a much wider audience.

And yes, I'm biased because it was written by my dad. But hey, it's a good book!

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A MUST read for ANYONE that works with children or has children. This blows the socks off of any other parenting book I have read. It is geared toward the LDS parent, Bishopric or youth leader but his counsel is beyond limits and will teach you things you never knew you did not understand. He takes simple concepts and opens them up to life changing shifts. This is a book that I will read again and again.

[Lkohn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don't let the title fool you. This book is about every child, not just challenging ones, and it applies to children of all ages. Every LDs parent and youth leaders should read it.

Its simply the best parenting book I've read with a LDS gospel perspective. You'll look at stories in the Book of Mormon in an entirely new light.

Not one for someone who is looking for a how to manual. This book teaches principles.

[Lenita · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although I don't have a "prodigal" child right now, I still feel like this book had a lot to offer me. It was great to read a parenting book from an LDS perspective. I agreed with almost everything he had to say. It containted a lot of useful things to keep in mind as my children grow up. I will probably like to read it again as my kids get older, as it was mostly geared to LDS parents with troubled teens.

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I think no matter where you are in life - single, married, children, no children, adult children, etc... there is something you can gain from this book. While some is review of what you may already know, there were moments of powerful insight and understanding. I highly recommend this book. I plan I reading it again and taking notes and writing my thoughts and feelings as I go along.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is just a great, gospel-oriented parenting book for parents of any kind of child. It touches on the spirit of rebellion, discipline, and celebrating differences in our children as well as mankind in general. It also has a very good section on marriage and relationships. A good one to read and then keep on hand for reference.

[Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had a hard time sticking with this book as it was building its foundation but once I got to the meat of the book, I really enjoyed it. It was particularly insightful to some of the things that we struggle with as parents and I hope to be able to broaden my perspective and implement a few changes.

[Erin]

Ok after reading some reviews from other people that read this I decided to go ahead and try to read it. I just skipped a few chapters with the intent to read over them later. So far it's pretty interesting although I am not convinced yet it's going to help me with my young children just yet.

Still haven't read all of it but will get to it soon.

[Alyssa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could go on for days about how this book as helped me create a better home and a better way to parent. I love this book. It has become my parenting bible. I have this thing marked up and tabbed and flagged and highlighted. This book is also not just for strong-willed children but for all types. I would recommend this book to anyone who needs a bit of help.

[Stanley Hall]

I don't have teenagers yet so I haven't gotten to apply all these concepts in my own life. But I think overall it's a good book. I've utilized some of the concepts in my counseling with teenagers and parents.

[Lacey · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a well written helpful book. I like how he lays the foundation of where rebellion started (pre-existence), and how to prevent rebellion in our children through teaching the atonement. I'm glad to have read it while my children are still young.